Connie R. Clay's Blog

From Alright to Awesome: How to Transform Your Job

Have you ever felt stuck at work? Have you ever felt that you deserve better treatment and better pay? What if you could turn an okay position into an awesome position? Keep reading and I’ll show you how.

Start by assessing what you have. What is your salary? What are your benefits? Make sure you include health insurance, paid time off, 40lk match, etc. Do you have friends at work? Do you have mentors, allies or sponsors at work? We’ll discuss these terms later.

Next, decide what you want. Do you want more money, fewer hours, more interesting work or just a change of scenery? Do you want to be self-employed?

Here comes the fun part. Now that you’ve assessed what you have and what you want, let’s figure out how to use what you have to get what you want.

Regarding your salary, are there opportunities to earn more by working overtime or working on special projects? If your employer offers a 40lK match, contribute at least enough to get the match. If you don’t, you’re leaving money on the table. Let’s say your employer will match your contributions up to 3%. You contribute $2,000 a year, which is 3% of your salary. Your employer matches the $2,000. Not accounting for the investment returns, your employer would give you an extra $10,000 through the match in just five years.

Take the time to review your employee manual and make sure you are aware of all the benefits that you could use. Hiding in that manual could be reimbursement for contacts or eyeglasses, tuition reimbursement or assistance, free counseling through an employee assistance program, and other low hanging fruit.

Let’s talk about the people at work. If you have good friends at work, nurture those relationships. Make time to go to lunch with them, even a virtual lunch. Check in with them on the weekends. When your work friends learn of employment opportunities, they could let you know.

Mentors, allies and sponsors. These folks are not necessarily your friends, but they want you to succeed. A mentor is a trusted advisor. She could advise you to save the fuzzy vest for the weekend even if the office is business casual. An ally is similar to a mentor. She will say good things about you when you’re not around. She wants you to succeed, and she will help you when she can. Finally, there are sponsors. A sponsor wants you to succeed, and he can help you to get plumb assignments and interviews for promotions. A sponsor can even introduce you to someone outside of the company who can help you get to the next level. If you have mentors, allies and or sponsors, let them know what you want and where you want to go. Listen to their advice, and do not disappoint them. These are people that you want to keep in your corner forever. And of course, you want to assist them in any way that you can.

Perhaps you’ve read this far, and you’ve taken advantage of all the benefits at work; you don’t think your salary will increase significantly, and you don’t really have friends, mentors, allies and sponsors at work. What do you do? You reframe your relationship with your employer. See your employer as an investor in your future. While you have this job that you don’t love, use your time wisely to search for other opportunities whether those opportunities are with another employer or entrepreneurship. Put mental limits on your current job. By all means, do what you are paid to do, and do it well, but use your energy and creativity to get something better. Use the benefits at your disposal. For instance, if your employer allows telework or flexible scheduling, use the extra time to apply for positions, attend school or build a side hustle. If your employer offers tuition reimbursement or time off to attend school, use those benefits to propel you into your next position.

Create an exit strategy. If you know that your future is elsewhere, strategically plan your time. Work on your side business or job search before work, on your lunch hour, on weekends and on holidays. Although you’ll need to pull double duty for a few months or years, you will be better prepared financially to transition into self-employment if that is your goal. If your goal is to work for a different employer, polish your resume, hire a coach to help you hone your interviewing skills. Take classes to make yourself a more attractive candidate. When you start getting interviews, do a mock interview with a friend or in front of a mirror.

Spending most of your waking hours at a job that offers little in terms of satisfaction is taxing. However, if you view your time there through the lens of what you need to get done before the next position, the time will start to speed by. If you decide today that you want to change to a different position or become self-employed within the next 12 months, decide that each week you’re going to work on a small goal that will get you closer to your ultimate goal. Where do you need to start? If you have a trustworthy coworker, ask her what personal and professional issues you need to address before you leave your current position. When you thoughtfully plan your exit strategy, the time you spend at a job you hate will not be wasted.

How to Hold Yourself Accountable

Have you ever made plans, set goals and then lost the motivation to continue? Have you ever quit what you started? What if there were a way to hold yourself accountable and stick to what you start? Keep reading, and I’ll show you how to hold yourself accountable.

1. Stop holding yourself accountable to minor things. Minor depends on where you are in life and what your goals are. For example, if you’re a single, empty nester, maybe you don’t have to clean the house every weekend? Or if you’re a busy husband and father who also works full time, maybe you could pay someone to cut the grass so that you can relax on Saturday afternoons? Consider the things that you think you should be doing. Could you do less or delegate the task to someone else?

2. Set rewards. If you want to hold yourself accountable to doing a certain activity, set a reward. For instance, if you want to get up an hour early five days a week and work on the book you’re writing, promise yourself a reward at the end of every week. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Just something fun that you will give yourself if you do what you said you were going to do.

3. Establish punishments. Let’s go back to the example of writing a book. So if you don’t get up early for five days to write, maybe you could punish yourself by not having dessert for a week or not watching Netflix for a week. You know what will motivate you to stay on track, so consider a punishment that you don’t want to impose on yourself.

4. Set up visual reminders. You can use a wall calendar, a planner or a simple calendar that you print from Word. You will need two Sharpies or ink pens in different colors. Use green or a color that you like to write on the calendar when you did what you said you would do, and use red or a color that you don’t like to write down when you didn’t do what you said you would do. So if you were holding yourself accountable to get up and write your book, you might have entries in green for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday because you got up and wrote, and maybe you would have entries in red for Thursday and Friday because you decided to sleep in instead of getting up to write. The key to this system is to make an entry every day in the appropriate color and leave the calendar in a place where you have to see it. At the end of the month, look at the calendar and marvel at all the days you did what you intended to do. On the other hand, if you didn’t do so well, decide that you will improve your performance the next month. Find a spot to post each monthly calendar so that you are visually holding yourself accountable.

5. Give yourself credit for good effort. So returning to the example of writing a book. Let’s say you got up an hour early for three days, but you only got up 45 minutes early for two days. Give yourself credit for the two days that you didn’t get up as early as you wanted to. You still got up and you still made progress. This doesn’t mean that you let yourself off the hook when you don’t do what you’re supposed to do. It means that you don’t require perfect performance from yourself.

6. As you’re getting dressed each morning, ask yourself, “What is the best use of my time and resources today?” Consider that statement throughout the day and govern yourself accordingly.

7. Play the movie. Imagine that your day, month or year is a movie. Think of how it will end based on how you spend your time. If you like the ending, continue what you’re doing. If you don’t like the ending, change your behavior.

So, how will you hold yourself accountable? Will you set up rewards, impose punishments or something else? Do you like the way the movie ends?

When the Boss Is a Bully

Does your boss micromanage your work? What about one who asks if your college gave away degrees? Do you have a boss who goes out of her way to make you miserable? Unfortunately, everyone who has the title of supervisor or manager is not a leader. Teddy Roosevelt said that, “A leader leads, and the boss drives.” Sometimes supervisors and managers harass the individuals they should be leading and inspiring.

If you are in this predicament, you are not alone. Here are some tips for handling a boss who is a bully:

1. Establish boundaries. You can meet with the boss and ask her to stop the behavior. Here’s a script. “Kate, when you get very close to me and raise your voice, it makes me uncomfortable. Would you mind keeping a reasonable distance and lowering your voice?” You can also respectfully remove yourself from the room when the boss violates your physical and emotional boundaries.

2. Try to stay under the radar. Does the boss get bent out of shape when people are late for meetings? Does she go on the warpath when her team does not look good? Notice the patterns. Do what you can to avoid the words and behaviors that seem to increase the bullying.

3. Avoid workplace gossip. Although it may help you feel better to compare notes with others, these discussions often get off topic and become personal, petty attacks on the person as opposed to addressing the workplace bullying.

4. Get counseling through your health insurance or your Employee Assistance Program. Discussing the issues with someone who is neutral will help you cope with the day-to-day problems and help you develop a strategy for addressing the situation.

5. Consider your options. Should you contact human resources, leave the company or take legal action? The Workplace Bullying Institute at www.workplacebullying.org is an excellent place to start for information about this problem and possible solutions.

If you do nothing, the bullying will not stop, and it could get worse. Now you know that you’re not the only one enduring this behavior, and now you know that you have options.

How to Win When You Lose

Did you know that you can benefit from a bad experience? I’ll tell you how.

Have you ever kept a compost bucket in your kitchen? You place egg shells, coffee grounds, tea bags, and other kitchen waste into a container with a lid that fits tightly. Compost is slimy, smelly and messy. But when you mix it together and give it a few days in that dark container, it becomes a rich fertilizer for your garden. However, if you were to simply toss those egg shells, coffee grounds and tea bags in the trash, they would be nothing more than waste. By composting, you give your rubbish an opportunity to nourish another living thing.

If you treat a mistake like the ingredients in a compost bucket, you can mix it with other experiences and reap a nutrient rich opportunity for learning and improving. In fertile soil, you can plant new seed and reap a harvest from the original mistake and other experiences. You can really benefit from a mistake. Here’s how to win when you lose.

1. Admit that you failed. Whether it was a relationship, a bad business decision or overspending. To admit that you failed is to focus on what you did, not on what someone did to you.

2. Revisit the signs that you were headed in the wrong direction. Did a friend or loved one warn you? Did you have a funny feeling in your gut?

3. Decide what you will do differently the next time. This situation or something similar will happen again. What will you do differently?

4. Determine what you learned. Did you learn that you have a weakness for a certain type of person? Did you learn that you’re afraid to say no?

5. Forgive yourself. No one gets through life without making serious mistakes.

6. Use your mistake to help someone else. Who in your sphere of influence could benefit from what you’ve learned? You don’t have to share all the details, but you can help someone else avoid the mistake that you made.

7. Acknowledge that if you repeat the same “mistake” over and over again, it’s not a mistake, it’s a decision. If you don’t like the decisions you keep making, consider working with a therapist, confiding in a friend or hiring a mentor or coach.

What is the most important lesson you’ve learned from a mistake?

How to Get a Good Night’s Sleep

Have you ever had problems sleeping? Do you find yourself unable to get to sleep or waking up in the middle of the night? I know how you feel.

For several years, I suffered with insomnia. I would go to bed but not be able to get to sleep, or I’d go to sleep and wake up in the middle of the night, unable to get back to sleep. During those years, I had significant personal and professional problems. Being sleep deprived left me less equipped to address my issues.

So, I read books and articles to figure out how to get to sleep. Finally, I learned to sleep well most nights. I learned how to use good “sleep hygiene” which simply means creating and following a bed time ritual. Use these tips or a combination of these tips to create your sleep hygiene, and you should consistently be able to sleep 7-9 hours every night.

1. Eliminate caffeine 12 hours before bed. Caffeine can affect you for up to 14 hours after you consume it. Keep in mind that there is caffeine in many teas, chocolate, desserts, and decaffeinated coffee. This is not a permanent restriction, but you will need to regulate your consumption while you’re establishing a good sleep pattern.

2. Establish a bedtime ritual. If you raised a child, you had an evening ritual. Dinner, bath, story, bed, etc. Your child knew what to expect. You must train your brain and your body to expect rest in the evening. Here is a suggested procedure:
• 45 minutes before bed, have a small, protein based snack such as yogurt, turkey, cheese or nuts (nothing chocolate covered)
• 30 minutes before bed, brush and floss your teeth, wash your face, turn your bed back
• 15 minutes before bed, turn the temperature down in your bedroom about two degrees lower than normal
• 10 minutes before bed, read, knit, practice yoga or do any other activity that is relaxing

3. Turn your bedroom into a sanctuary. Don’t pay bills or do any work in your bedroom. If the unused treadmill is a source of stress, move it to another room. Remove the TV from your bedroom. Choose calm colors for your linens and walls.

4. Drink chamomile tea an hour or so before bed. Everyone’s body is different, but some studies suggest that this tea helps you to relax and sleep. There are also some “sleepy” teas that you could try.

5. Try lavender essential oil. Rub some on your wrists and under your nose. Inhale deeply as you’re going to sleep. You could also try an aromatherapy diffuser. I like the Good Night aromatherapy.

6. Turn off the electronics. Two hours before bed, turn off the TV, cell phone, and computer. Yes, this one is probably tough, but the blue light in these devices, that you can’t see, can disrupt your natural sleep cycle. You could also try getting glasses that block the blue light. But part of turning off the electronics is eliminating the stress connected to them (email, annoying social media posts, etc.).

Try a few or all of these techniques for a couple of weeks, and you should see a big difference. If you consistently practice the good sleep hygiene described, and you still are not able to sleep well, discuss the issue with your medical provider. Your problem could be health related.

How to Have Your Best Year Ever!

Have you ever started a new year with plans to accomplish great things? Have you had goals and a desire to achieve those goals?

Have you ever given up by February? That doesn’t have to happen. With some simple steps, this can be your best year ever.

First, assess last year. What did you accomplish? Make a list. What went well? What habits do you want to take into the new year? What habits are you going to leave behind in the last year?

Next, decide on your goals. I recommend no more than five goals. Make your goals specific. For instance, instead of saying, I’m going to lose weight,” make it a specific goal, and say something like, “I’m going to lose 10 pounds by March 31st.” Once you’ve limited your goals to five, choose the one that will have the most impact. Focus on that goal.

Next, get some help. You could hire a coach or a mentor to help you set goals, hold you accountable and encourage you. Or you could get an accountability partner. An accountability partner is someone who has a similar goal. The two of you talk at least once a week to discuss what you’ve accomplished towards your goals. Knowing that you have that weekly meeting will help you to stay on track.

Check out the resources page for additional support.

How to Stop Procrastinating

Have you ever wondered why you get stuck? Do you keep rolling goals from one year into the next? Are you a procrastinator? Can you stop procrastinating?

I never thought of myself as a procrastinator until I read a summary of The Science of Getting Started: How to Beat Procrastination, Summon Productivity, and Stop Self-Sabotage.

I recently joined a personal development book club and didn’t have time to read the book before my first meeting. I perused the summary so that I could participate in the Zoom discussion. I found tremendous value in the book. Here are the highlights:

1. Fear is an underlying cause of procrastination.

2. Motivation follows action; however, we often expect motivation to create action. We must get moving to get motivated.

3. You must force yourself to visualize the bad future you are creating by failing to act. Additionally, take time to visualize the positive consequences when you take the right actions.

4. To avoid procrastination entirely, employ the STING technique
S-select one task
T-time yourself
I-ignore everything else
N-opt for no breaks
G- give yourself a reward

5. Structure your day to prevent procrastination. I use this technique to exercise. If I am not commuting, I get up at 5:00 am and exercise. Regardless of what happens that day, I have taken care of my body first thing in the morning.

6. Decide to have no more “zero days.” A “zero day” is when you allow a day to slip by without doing anything to achieve your goal. For instance, if your goal is to write a book, you could decide that you are going to write at least three paragraphs a day. Anything less could be considered a “zero day.”

7. Use the 40-70% rule taught by General Colin Powell. This rules states that you only need between 40% and 70% of the information, confidence, time, or preparation that you think you do. Based on this principle, take action when you have 40-70% of what you think that you need to proceed because waiting for perfect circumstances is procrastination.

So, which of these techniques will you employ to stop procrastinating and reach your goals?

Could You Win with Habit Goals?

Have you ever wanted to give up on your goals? Have you ever felt like it’s too late to make progress on your goals? It’s not.

Whether you’ve tried to achieve a goal a few times or dozens of times, you can always begin again with a different strategy.

Are you familiar with the term “habit goals”? Habit goals are the individual habits that you need to install to reach your goals. Here are two examples of habit goals:

Let’s say you want to declutter your home. Some habit goals could be:
1. Not going to garage sales or into thrift stores;
2. Spending 15 minutes a day to learn a decluttering process
3. Spending 15 minutes a day to visualize how your home will look when you’ve completed the decluttering process

So instead of focusing on the big goal of decluttering your home, you would focus on installing the habits that would allow you to declutter your home. Make sense?

What if your goal is to lose weight?

If your goal is to lose 20 pounds, you will probably need to change your eating habits, get more exercise, and maybe get more sleep. Let’s turn the weight loss goal into a few habit goals:

1. Exercising for 180 minutes every week;
2. Drinking 7 glasses of water a day;
3. Sleeping 7.5 hours every night;
4. Limiting pastries, candy and other empty calories to one a week;
5. Eating 5-7 servings of fruits and veggies a day.

When you establish habit goals, you’re putting the infrastructure in place to start strong and maintain the progress for a long time.

Whether you’re reading this on January 1st, June 30th or December 31st, you can break your major goal down into habit goals and install the habits that will lead to success.

Are You Hanging Onto Emotional Clutter?

Physical, digital and financial clutter are draining, but the worst form of clutter is emotional clutter. What is emotional clutter? It’s hanging on to old hurts, walking in unforgiveness and maintaining toxic relationships. Most of us have been hurt by others, and most of us have to maintain some toxic relationships, but we can make an effort to mend the wounds of the past, forgive those who’ve wounded us and limit our exposure to toxic people.

Perhaps the most important piece of letting go of past hurts is giving up the desire to get back at those who hurt us. Forgiveness is setting the person free of the punishment that is deserved. Forgiveness does not equal reconciliation and certainly doesn’t equal trust. Forgiveness is something that you ultimately do for yourself because maintaining unforgiveness negatively effects your physical and mental health as well as your current relationships.

Do you maintain toxic relationships? Although we can’t completely avoid toxic people, we can end some toxic relationships and limit our exposure to others. So how do you end a toxic relationship?

1. Starve it. You starve the relationship by refusing to give it anymore attention. You stop taking the calls. Stop responding to text messages and stop being available for lunch. This may seem like you’re avoiding a conflict, but a toxic relationship is conflict. When you end the relationship, by whatever means you choose, you are not avoiding conflict, you’re ending it.

2. Have the talk. Tell him how you feel about the relationship. For example, you could say something like this,

“Whenever we talk, you make unkind comments about my children. I don’t like that. You always seem to be against me. I feel that our relationship is damaging my mental health. Although we will still work together at ABC Corporation, I need to end our relationship that existed outside of work. “

If you have to maintain some minimal relationship with the person, and you think the person will accept what you have to say calmly, this route might work.

3. Cut it off abruptly and completely. Back in the day, you had to change your phone number to avoid receiving calls from certain people. Now, you can just block people so that they cannot call, text you or connect with you on social media. This is a good method for a relatively new relationship. You’ve invested a few weeks, and you know that the relationship is unhealthy. You don’t really owe the person an explanation. Just get out and protect yourself.

You can let go of old hurts and unforgiveness right now. End or limit toxic relationships. Clearing emotional clutter gives you space for joy, peace and beautiful new relationships.

Do You Have Too Much Stuff?

Is your home about to burst because of too much stuff? Do you have clothes you haven’t worn in years? What about pots and pans that you never use? Do you spend several minutes every day looking for things? Are your drawers crammed full? Are there unopened boxes from when you moved a few years ago? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you probably have too much stuff or clutter.

Physical clutter is evidence of indecision and fear. You can’t decide between two pairs of shoes, so you buy both. You bought 12 books last year and never read one. You’re afraid to give away the purse that you hate because it might come in handy one day. You haven’t had time to sort through things. Multiply a few of these actions by a few years, and you end up with clutter.

So how do you address your clutter? Choose a system. There are quite a few available. I had planned to declutter for years before I read The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. The author, Marie Kondo, shows you how to declutter or tidy by category. You start with clothes because it’s the easiest category and end with memorabilia because it’s the hardest. Through this process, I have decluttered and down sized from a 1900 square foot house to a 700 square foot apartment, not because I needed to but because I wanted to. I have pack rat tendencies, enjoy taking and printing pictures and like collecting souvenirs and memorabilia. I used to have a lot of stuff. If I can declutter, you can too.

So how can you deal with your stuff? You can hire a professional organizer to help you to declutter and organize or you can do it yourself. Choose a method and schedule 15 minutes a day, 6 days a week for decluttering. Imagine how much you could get done if you invested 6 hours a month, which is 15 minutes a day, 6 days a week.
Marie Kondo says tidying up (decluttering) forces you to confront yourself. You are confronting the indecision that caused the clutter and the fear that maintains the clutter.

Once you get started, you will enjoy the freedom of unloading things you don’t need, use or love. The things that get to stay will have even more meaning. As you clear your physical space of things that you don’t want, you make room for what you do want.