Connie R. Clay's Blog, page 7

What to Do When You’re in a Financial Bind

Sometimes, we find ourselves in a money mess. Maybe you’re unemployed. Maybe your spouse emptied the bank account and left. Or maybe you’ve overspent. If you find yourself in a financial bind, there are three steps to take to begin to work your way out.

1. Admit responsibility. If you focus on all the external reasons why you’re having money problems, you’ll remain a victim with little ability to help yourself. Perhaps a bank extended more credit than you could handle or maybe a trusted friend or relative stole from you. Even if you were fired from a job that you held for years, you must take responsibility for your situation. Once you decide to take responsibility, you will have the ability to take charge. Do you need to stop using credit? Maybe you need to look for a part time job for a while. If necessary, consider getting a roommate or moving in with a friend or relative to save money. You’ll need to park your pride in the driveway.

2. Ask the Lord for guidance. The Lord will always give you direction when you ask. However, that doesn’t mean that He is going to provide you with a quick and easy solution. As painful as life might seem right now, you are going to learn valuable lessons while you work through this difficult situation. One year or five years from now, you’ll be able to help someone else.

3. Get help. If you work for a large employer, check with the Employee Assistance Program. Ask your pastor if he or she can refer you to an agency that can help you. There are dozens of reputable agencies that can help you to set up a plan to get back on your feet financially. Do your research before you begin to work with an organization. If an organization’s solution sounds too good to be true, that is a red flag, and you need to continue your research. Don’t let embarrassment keep you stuck. There are millions of people who’ve declared bankruptcy, gone through foreclosure and lost everything and eventually recovered. One example that comes to mind is Dave Ramsey. As a young entrepreneur, he got in over his head financially and ended up declaring bankruptcy. Now he is an author, radio personality and respected financial adviser. I recommend his book Financial Peace for sound advice on recovering from financial ruin.

As dreadful as things may look, you can get control of your money, reestablish your credit and have peace about your money. If you’ve come through a rough patch financially, what advice would you offer to other Christ followers?

 

Get Lost

 

I have a routine for just about everything. A surprise party would not go over well with me. A couple of weeks ago, I flew from Jacksonville to North Carolina with a transfer in Atlanta. When I fly, I usually plan how I’m going to use my time. On the flight between Jacksonville and Atlanta, I finished my work early and decided to watch a sitcom. Using the inflight entertainment was unusual for me because I rarely finish the work I’ve assigned to myself.

 

After grabbing lunch in Atlanta, I made my way to the gate for my flight to North Carolina. At that point, I realized that I did not have my iPad. After looking through my carryon luggage, I realized that I had left my iPad on the plane from Jacksonville to Atlanta. I blamed the slight change in routine. I attempted to activate the “find my iPhone” soft wear, but I received a message that the device was offline. I realized that my iPad was in airplane mode. I reported my loss to the airline. A couple of days later, I decided to try activating the “find my iPhone” soft wear again. It worked! My iPad was at the airport in Phoenix, Arizona in Terminal 3. The airline agreed to mail my iPad to me. It was interesting to virtually watch my iPad travel from Arizona to Texas and then to Oklahoma. And then it went offline. I couldn’t tell where it was. I got nervous. Would I actually get my iPad back? The next day, my iPad was back online. It was in Memphis and finally, it was in Jacksonville. I was relieved.

 

Do you get nervous when God seems to go “offline”? You’ve prayed and followed His lead, and then He seems to go silent. What are you supposed to do? Trust Him and trust the process. Once I got nervous about my iPad, it was still on its way. It was probably in flight between Oklahoma and Memphis. My anxiety was wasted energy. We all love it when the Lord obviously closes a door or opens a window. As we mature as Christians, we have to know that He is still present even when it does not seem so obvious. When we can’t see or feel Him, we have to trust that He is working on us and working on our situations even when we don’t know it. Increased faith and spiritual growth occur when the Lord gives us the opportunity to trust without seeing. The next time you feel lost, know that He is not offline.

How to Get More Done

Whether you’re employed full time or you stay at home with children or elders, I’ll bet that you struggle to find time to handle everything. It can be frustrating to always be busy and to never feel that you’ve accomplished much. Allow me to offer a few suggestions to help you to be more productive.

• Honor the Sabbath day. God commanded us to take a day off once a week. I don’t believe the Sabbath has to be on Sunday. Maybe your weekend is Tuesday and Wednesday, then choose one of those days for your Sabbath. Trust me, if you can’t get all of your work done in six days, you can’t get it done in seven days. When you make a concerted effort to do what God says, He will honor your efforts.

• Stop trying to multitask. You can’t! When you think you’re multitasking, you are spending a few seconds or minutes at a time on one activity and then switching to another activity for a few seconds or minutes. You’re not working efficiently on either task. If you’re going to balance your checkbook, don’t try to talk to a friend or help your child with homework at the same time. Work on one activity exclusively, and you will be more productive.

• Take a few minutes before your week begins to think about the three most important tasks you need to complete the following week. Focus on getting those tasks done first and then add the next three “must do” items to your to-do list.

• Schedule only 65% of the available time. Things ALWAYS take more time than we think, and there will always be interruptions. Let’s say you have all day Saturday from 10:00 a.m. until 8:00 p.m. That’s 10 hours, so you only want to schedule 6.5 hours. If you complete all your tasks, that’s great. If you don’t complete all your tasks, you won’t feel so overwhelmed because there are dozens of things undone. Get into the habit of building margin into your schedule.

• Accept that sometimes, good enough has to be good enough. Everything does not have to be done with excellence. For instance, if you need to manage your money, go to the grocery store and get laundry done on a Saturday, you might not have time to thoroughly clean the house. In that case, why not just clean the kitchen and bathrooms and let everything else go until the next weekend?

• Turn your cell phone face down. There are very few urgent text messages and emails. You don’t need to know every time you receive one. Put the phone face down, handle your business and then turn it face up and respond to text messages and emails. If someone really needs you, he or she will call you.

As I have begun to make these changes, I get more done, and I have more peace and margin in my life. To get more done, quit trying to do so much! Which of these tips will you try this week?

3 Reasons to Learn a Second Language

I took two years of French in college but only learned enough to pass the exams. I just completed a 10 week class at a local college. For several months, I’ve been practicing with an app, Duolingo that tells me I’m only 20% fluent. Trust me, I’ve thought about quitting. So why press on?

Brain Health

I’m considering 80 year old me. Several studies have shown that knowing a second language delays the onset of dementia by four or five years. Learning a second language improves memory and reasoning. Google “A Second Language May Help Sustain the Brain” by Kathryn Doyle. And or do a Google search to read dozens of other articles on this subject. The more I work my brain now, the stronger it will be in 30 years.

Discipline. The more I discipline myself with learning French, the more discipline I will have to go to bed on time, exercise when I don’t feel like it and limit myself to one dessert a week. I heard Dave Ramsey say that discipline is like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets.

Affordability. It is more affordable than ever to learn a second language. The 10 week class that I just completed cost $200. The Duolingo app is free. Your public library might have a free subscription to Transparent Language. Did you know that you could hire a tutor to work with you via Skype? Check out www.TakeLessons.com to find an instructor. There are also language CDs available at the public library. There are language playlists on Spotify.

Bonus 1: Travel. If you intend to travel beyond the English speaking world, even minimal fluency in a second language will be helpful.

Bonus 2: Impress Prospective Employers. Most job applications ask if you speak a second language. If you have some proficiency in a foreign language, this skill could give you an edge over other job applicants.

Whether you want to learn a new language to get ahead professionally or to confidently communicate on your next trip, the opportunities to learn have never been better.

Happy Father’s Day?

I was trying to schedule a dinner/lunch date with a girlfriend. She reminded me that the Sunday I suggested was Father’s Day. Being the child of a single mom and being a single mom myself, Father’s Day has never meant much to me.

My father was absent for most of my childhood even though he lived 30 minutes away. For several decades, I felt like his afterthought. I forgave him, but I resented his absence when I needed him the most. Several years ago, I decided that I would focus on the things my father did well. I heard or read Lysa TerKeurst say that she had to choose to focus on positive memories of her father. I also read a book called A Dad-Shaped Hole in My Heart by H. Norman Wright, which helped me to let go of the resentment.

When I traveled from Florida to Virginia for visits, my father often met me at the airport. I can still see his long, custom Lincoln Continental parked curb side at the Norfolk airport. Since my father’s death three years ago, I’ve had the opportunity to examine his life and our relationship. Despite his shortcomings, I learned several things from my father:

1. It’s never too late to do the right thing. Although my father was absent during much of my childhood, he was present for many of the major events in my adult life. He helped me move from Virginia to Florida, and he returned to Florida a few months later to support me during one of my first jury trials. When I left my former husband, my father called me every single day to make sure that I was okay mentally and to ensure that I was safe.

2. Own your position. During the last years of his life, my father would end our conversations with, “Connie Renee, I’m still your father.” That meant that he was present. The past was the past, but he affirmed our current relationship.

3. Focus on the present. Although we didn’t know each other that well when I was a child, as an adult, I learned that we both enjoyed gardening. When we spoke the last years of his life, he would ask me what I had planted, and he would tell me how well or how poorly things were growing in his garden.

4. Manage how you will be remembered. At some point, my father decided that he did not want to be remembered as an absent parent. He decided that he wanted to be remembered as loving, involved and protective.

My father passed the baton to me in March 2013. Fretting about his failures is too heavy a burden for me to carry. Instead, when I water my peach tree and my blackberry bush, I think of the fact that he would be proud of me. When I sit at the desk in my home office, I glance at the picture of my father at my daughter’s high school graduation. No parent is perfect. Every family has some level of dysfunction. I’m grateful that my father made the effort to give me happy memories and good lessons.

God Blesses Single Mothers

 

Flowers, jewelry, and steaks on the grill were a part of many Mother’s Day celebrations this month. But for many single moms, Mother’s Day is another day of struggle, doubt, and loneliness. While we see images of mothers surrounded by doting husbands and children, that picture is not reality for many single mothers.

Whether a single mom is divorced, widowed or never married, the feelings of hopelessness and isolation are similar. Single moms struggle to work, prepare meals, help with homework and provide transportation, often with little help. Many churches focus on the youth, but few focus on the needs of women who have to do it all without help. Single moms stare at the checking account balance and wonder how they will pay for daycare and groceries while keeping the lights on. Maybe the child support comes on time, but is inadequate. Maybe the children’s father visits, but rarely attempts to bond with the children he helped to create.

The reality of single parenting is often only seen by those who have done it. The years seem long. Thoughts of quitting come to mind, but there’s no one to takeover, so she continues.

Is it worth it? Absolutely! When one child is awarded a full academic scholarship and gets a degree, with high honors in three years, it’s worth it. When an adult child calls and wants to discuss physical symptoms knowing mom will have accurate advice, it’s worth it. When after decades of handling the business alone, the house is quiet, the bills are paid, and dream trips are planned, it’s worth it.

The Lord says in His Word that He is a father to the fatherless. He says that true religion is helping widows and orphans. In Biblical terms, a single mother would be considered a widow because she doesn’t have a man who is helping her. While biological fathers, the church and society may fail single mothers, God does not. He is there causing the grocery bill to be $20 less than it should be. He is there causing the daycare owner to extend grace when the fees are late, again. He is there causing a raise without additional hours or responsibility. He is there allowing the children of that single mom to excel as if they had two parents. The Lord loves and provides for single moms.

Single moms can become convinced that no help is coming. However, the single mom needs to fervently ask the Lord to meet her needs. We serve a God who delights in helping His children. Single moms must cultivate the habit of saying, “Lord, please help me.” The Father who owns the cattle on a thousand hills can help with the cost of car repairs and the grief and disappointment of failed relationships. The Lord can also assist with decision making. The challenge for single moms is to slow down and ask for help. Just as an earthly parent wants to provide advice, so does the Heavenly Father. The Lord is available to advise on the small decisions and the big ones when He is asked. Single moms should keep the conversation going with the Lord. For example, “Lord, please help me to respond with grace during my performance evaluation.” Or, “Lord, sitting down to pay bills makes me nervous. Please keep me calm and show me what to do.”

Yes, single parenting is a lonely job and often seems thankless. But the Lord is present. He cares, and He helps.

Uncovered in the Sanctuary?

Did you have a big brother? Maybe you went to school with an older cousin who kept an eye out for you. Perhaps your father was active in your church. If you had these male influences, you felt protected at school, in the neighborhood and at church. But what happens when you’re an adult? Who’s protecting you?

In church circles, we often hear the term “covering.” What exactly is covering? It means a couple of things. First, there is a committed Christian who is consistently lifting you in prayer. It’s also someone who is your spiritual mentor. He is watching and guiding you. Being under this covering is a notice to those with evil intent to stay away. When you’re covered, it’s as if you’re in a cocoon. You’re protected.

What if you’re uncovered? No husband. No father. No male relative. Who is praying for you? Who is protecting you? In a small church, maybe your pastor will fill this role. What if he doesn’t or what if you attend a large church? Is your small group leader filling this role? My experience has been that single women are left to fend for themselves in most churches. What’s an uncovered sister to do?

First, we must look to Christ for acceptance and fulfillment. This is a good habit to develop while we’re single. No mortal man can meet all of our needs. I’m reading an excellent book that covers this topic, called The Power of Passion by Rob Eager.

Second, we have to slow down with major decisions. For single ladies without covering, there may not be anyone intimately aware of our circumstances who can give us good advice. Taking time to pray over major decisions for several days and writing out pros and cons is a good way to mull over our alternatives.

Befriend a mature Christian couple that is at least 10 years older than you are. It may take several months to develop mutual trust. Ask this couple for advice about men, spiritual matters and work.

The Lord designed us to be connected to each other. Being uncovered makes us more likely to enter into unhealthy relationships and leaves us vulnerable to making poor choices with money, work and lifestyle. If you’re uncovered, consider these steps to fill in the gap.

Were You Born a Christian?

I was born a Christian and raised in the AME church. By the time my mother grew tired of going to church, I was religious and managed to get myself to church just about every Sunday. During my college years, I would occasionally party all night, grab breakfast and head straight to church. I was religious. Part of my religion involved church attendance.

Once I was away from family and on my own, I found a church. I attended twice a month when my favorite choirs sang. Although I was religious, I didn’t have a relationship with Christ. I blessed my food, and I knew the Lord’s Prayer, but I never sought the Lord’s guidance, and I never spent time in the Word. Eventually, three business acquaintances saw through my religious façade. They helped me to see that there was so much more that I was missing. A few weeks later, I accepted Christ as Lord and Savior. In general, I refer to myself as a Christ follower. Being a religious Christian was easy. I did what I wanted. I was the boss of me. I made the rules. I was spiritually bankrupt, but I didn’t even know it.

Christ left heaven for me. Lived on earth, had an earthly ministry and accepted the call to the cross where he died for me. On the third day, he rose from the dead. He left the beauty and peace of heaven to suffer a criminal’s death for me and anyone who would accept Him as Lord and Savior. He gave up his kingdom to have a relationship with me. He had no interest in religious traditions-only a relationship. John 3:16 is the most often quoted verse about salvation. The verse that played in my mind in the weeks leading up to my becoming a Christ follower was Matthew 6:33, which says seek first the kingdom of heaven and all these things will be given to you.

Millions of people are like I was. They like the ritual of church attendance and church activity, but they have no relationship with Christ. They consider themselves Christians because they were raised in the church. Andy Stanley did an excellent sermon series on the word Christian and what it means. Check it out at http://yourmove.is/episode/ep1-brand-recognition-2/.

What a different world we would live in if all the Christians became Christ followers. If Christians followed the example of Christ, how would our lives be different? How many workplaces would be pleasant places to spend eight hours a day? How many poor children in the third world would have sponsors? How many foster children in the US would have forever families? No, the world would not be perfect because humans are not perfect, but the world would come much closer to being God’s kingdom on earth.

If you were born a Christian, or believe that religious traditions such as church attendance and making the sign of the cross establish a relationship with Christ, I challenge you to find one scripture that supports that position. During his three year ministry, Christ was concerned about relationships. He established relationships with the outcasts and exposed the hypocrisy of the religious leaders. His disciples didn’t always wash their hands before they ate, and Christ healed on the Sabbath. Without a relationship with Christ, those who call themselves Christians are no better off than the rest of the world. They will have the same fate, eternity without Christ. I am forever grateful to the business acquaintances who saw me for what I was-a fake. Are you a fake? Someone who calls herself a Christian but has no relationship with Christ? You might as well sleep in on Sundays and keep your tithe. Your rituals will not serve as an admission ticket to heaven. If you don’t have a committed Christ follower in your life, call KLove at 800.525.5683 or visit the website at KLove.com. You can speak with a pastor 24 hours a day. The pastor will explain to you in detail what the Word says about salvation and the simple step to accepting Christ as Lord and Savior and becoming a Christ follower.

Rejection

Being rejected is painful when it occurs, and the sting can last for decades or even a lifetime. However, there are valuable lessons in rejection.

First, rejection is information. I tried three or four network marketing ventures. I never had more than one person in my downline. I personally know a few people who have done exceptionally well with network marketing, so I know the system works, but it didn’t work for me. When no one came to my events, and no one was interested in joining my group, that rejection was valuable information. It let me know that network marketing was not for me.

Second, rejection is ammunition. Returning to my network marketing example, I’ve been drawn to entrepreneurship since I was a teenager. When the network marketing model didn’t work for me, I knew I had to find another path to gainful self-employment. Knowing that a certain route was not available to me, forced me to get quiet and think about what I could do with my gifts and talents. The rejection I felt when friends and associates would not try my network marketing toy/travel site/long distance service/candles fueled my determination to figure out my path to success.

Most importantly, rejection is a reminder of the imperfection of man. We can build the most functional product, have great marketing, price it right and still have it flop. Why? Who knows? People are fickle. Maybe the invention should have been offered in red instead of white. We humans are selfish and sinful, yet God does not reject us. We fall, ask for forgiveness and we’re right back in God’s good graces.

Man’s rejection is the ultimate contrast to God’s grace. The world will reject us because we’re too short, too round, too smart, too ambitious, or too something else. People reject us because of our pedigree or because we are unrefined. But not God. His acceptance is unconditional. When you’re rejected, remember the One who loves and accepts you just as you are.

Tear It Up!

With receipts and calculator in hand, I was pleased to discover that I was only over budget by $132 following a four-day trip to Disney World. That’s pretty good from the financial angle. But, I’ve been home for a week, and I’m just getting back on track with household management and business responsibilities. While a few days away seemed like a great idea for me and the children, I only looked at the money piece. Now, I have the opportunity to reconsider the entire idea from a different perspective. By deconstructing this short trip, I will make a better decision the next time. The time management and wellness consequences of a trip to Disney are minimal, but what about the bigger decisions in life? Marriage? Promotions?

Let’s start with relationships. When we end a bad romantic relationship, we breathe a sigh of relief that the other party is out of our lives. We feel sorry for the other party’s next special friend because we know too well what is coming. But the end of a bad relationship is the perfect opportunity to consider why we chose to allow that person into our lives in the first place. What bad behavior did we ignore? What major lie did we accept as truth? How many times did we act as if we didn’t see the warning signs? We can’t control anyone’s behavior but our own. If every relationship ends on a sour note, it’s time to take some time off, do some serious introspection and work with a counselor to get to the bottom of why we keep making poor choices. Call it romantic deconstruction if you like.

What about work? If I can’t get along with most people at work maybe I’m at the wrong job. If I haven’t gotten along with anyone at work in 20 years, I’m the problem. I’m accepting the jobs. Am I failing to conduct due diligence about the working conditions? Do I say yes to a job offer without considering the pros and cons?

The common denominator in all failed enterprises (relationships, business, money) is the person in the mirror. Similarly, when we’ve experienced a string of successes, the center of all that advancement is one person. When things go well and when they go badly, take the time to pull it apart. What planning went into it? Where did you research the opportunity? Did you spend several days in prayer before making the decision? Figure out what helped you to make a good decision and what propelled you into a bad one. Use this information to make a better choice when the next opportunity arises.