Connie R. Clay's Blog, page 5

Three Reasons to Say No

“Learn how to say no. Don’t let your mouth overload your back.” The late business philosopher Jim Rohn warned that we over commit ourselves when we say yes to too many opportunities.

It sounds selfish to say no to people and to worthy causes. We are all good at many things but only great at a few things. When you say yes to many good things, there is little time or energy left for the great things, the things you were created to do.

Before you say yes, consider if you should say no.



1. Saying yes to anything means saying no to something else. Thinking about joining a group or helping a friend plan a wedding? Understand that when you add something to your schedule, you must move something off your schedule even temporarily. Before you commit to the new activity, force yourself to consider if the new activity is more important than what you will stop doing if you accept a new commitment.



2. Most people need time to figure things out for themselves. When we rush in to help someone, we often deprive that person of the important exercise of figuring things out for herself. For instance, a couple of years ago, an acquaintance asked me to review two chapters of a book that she started writing. I reviewed the chapters and told her she should finish the book. Next, she asked me to edit the two chapters. I refused. Apparently, writing the book was not that important to her because she hasn’t said anything else to me about it. She figured out on her own that completing the book was not a priority. Sometimes, the best way to help someone is to allow her to use the resources she has to solve her problems.

3. Quick decisions can have long-term, negative consequences. Have you ever been offered a great opportunity but “something” told you to say no? Don’t ever ignore your instincts. If someone is pressuring you to start doing something or to buy something, just slow down and give it serious consideration. Usually, if a business deal is a great option today, it will be a great option in a few days when you have seriously considered it.

Slow down. It’s okay to say, “let me think about it”. Better an immediate no than a regretted yes.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever said yes to?

How to Conquer Your Excuses

You want to save money, but. You want to get a better job, but. You want to start exercising, but. You have a dream, something you want to do, but. What’s your but? You can conquer your but once and for all. Here’s how.

1. Be honest with yourself. Do you really want to accomplish that goal? Or are you trying to fulfill someone else’s goal? If the goal is not really yours, you will have a difficult time accomplishing it. If it’s not something you want, let it go.

2. Say no. There are literally thousands of things clamoring for your attention. There are real and virtual groups, books, TV shows, movies, and shopping centers. You have something that you want to do, but you can’t seem to get it done. You must start saying no to the people, places and things that don’t get you any closer to accomplishing your goal.

3. Discipline yourself. Similar to saying no, you have to rein yourself in. Perhaps you want to save money, but you always overspend. When you do something that is inconsistent with your goal, force yourself to think about what you did and what triggered you to do it. Decide how you will do better the next time. Keeping a journal and forcing yourself to read it is helpful too.

4. Get an accountability partner. This can be anyone in your life who can be trusted to hold you accountable. Perhaps you want to write a book, and you’ve decided that you should write one chapter a week. Plan to meet with your accountability partner by phone for five minutes every Saturday afternoon. Just knowing that you have to meet with your partner and admit that you failed or celebrate that you were successful will help you to move forward.

5. Take one step. Decide right now the one thing that you can do in the next 24 hours that will get you closer to your goal. When you go to bed each night, ask yourself what you can do the next day to get closer to your goal. When you wake up in the morning, write down what you will do that day to get closer to your goal.

Sometimes we hurt ourselves by being too lenient with ourselves. We have control of our thoughts and actions. To conquer the but, you must decide that your goal is more important than your excuse. Every time you make an excuse, you’re getting farther away from your goal. The next time you’re tempted to say, “But,” imagine yourself turning away from your goal and walking in the opposite direction. Force yourself to say what you can do, and then do it. Rinse and repeat.

What’s the biggest “but” that you’ve overcome?

What I Learned from My Mother

The first recorded battle between my mother and me occurred when I was three years old. According to my mother, she had swatted my behind several times, and I refused to cry. Finally, I looked her in the eye and said, “You’re stupid.” While I don’t remember that incident, it sounds like something I would do and say.

Although my mother and I were alike in many ways and faced many of the same struggles, we approached life differently. We were often at odds. Despite our disagreements, my mother’s opinion always mattered to me. Two years after her death, her opinion still matters. When I was interviewing housekeepers a few weeks ago, I could practically hear her ask, “Why can’t you clean your own house?”

My mother never wrote a book, never addressed a crowd and didn’t accomplish everything she wanted to. But, she taught me several important lessons by her example.



1. Don’t work as hard as you can.

My mother was a public school librarian for over 30 years. Although she could have made more money and advanced professionally, she rarely worked after school or during the summer. As a child and as a young woman, I thought my mother was lazy. Now, as I am deliberately redesigning my life, I applaud her for spending her summers reading, watching TV, tending to her house plants, maintaining a beautiful lawn and monitoring activity in her neighborhood.



2. Make an effort to look great on the outside regardless of how you feel on the inside.

My mother loved classic fashions. She insisted on only the best quality clothing. While she was often sad or angry about the hand that life dealt her, she was always impeccably dressed and groomed. She wore tailored suits to chemotherapy the last 18 months of her life. I think my mother felt better about herself because she liked what she saw in the mirror.



3. Discipline your children without embarrassing them.

My mother was the queen of the “evil eye.” Probably more than most mothers, she saw my brother and me as reflections of her parenting. If we were loud or unruly in public, there would be an admonishment in a conversational tone at the scene of the crime. The leather belt was only applied behind closed doors.



4. Accept help from trusted family and friends.

My parents divorced when my brother and I were preschoolers. My mother took my brother and me to our grandparents’ home most weekends, and we spent most summers with my grandparents. This arrangement gave my mother a well-deserved break from single parenting, and it allowed my grandparents to shower us with their love and wisdom.



5. Forgive.

One of my first memories is of my parents arguing on Christmas Day when I was about six years old. For most of my childhood, my mother was sparring with my father about child support. However, about six weeks before I graduated from law school, my mother, father and great aunt pooled their resources to buy my first car. At some point, my parents began conferring with each other on what was best for their children. They could not have worked together the last 20 years of their lives if my mother had not forgiven my father.

While some women may seem better equipped to nurture their offspring, all mothers teach lessons. Our job is to look past the mistakes, the disappointments and the hurt and focus on the lasting value gained from our imperfect mothers.

What’s the most important lesson you learned from your mother?

Can You Really Trust This Advice?

Nasty Gal founder, Sophia Amoruso appeared on the cover of Success magazine. In the accompanying article, she shared her story of being arrested for shoplifting, having nothing and eventually starting an eBay store that would be the beginning of her clothing empire. According to the article in Success, Amoruso had a Netflix series in the works and she was writing a second book. Amoruso gave advice on how to be a girl boss and how to succeed in business. Despite the appearance of success, Amoruso’s company, Nasty Gal, filed for bankruptcy just a few months after Amoruso appeared on the cover of Success magazine.

While Amoruso built a million dollar business, there was no mention in the article that the business was in serious financial trouble. I’m sure many who read her books or the article in Success are now wondering about the business building advice that she gave. No one plans to build a business and then file for bankruptcy protection.

There are thousands of people offering self-help and business advice. Some of it is great, some of it needs to be ignored. Here are a few self-help gems to discard:

Ditch people who can’t help you. The advice goes something like this, “stop associating with people who can’t get you closer to your goals.” Should you spend most of your free time with friends and family who have no desire to improve their lives? Probably not. But you must consider people individually. Take a few minutes or a few hours to assist someone who can do nothing for you. You probably have knowledge and skills that you take for granted. When you deliberately use your expertise to help others, you always receive something back, maybe just a sincere thank you.

Define success based on money. A couple of years ago, I invested in a productivity class. The instructor said that you would know you succeeded in the class if your banker noticed more money in your account?! Does money make like easier? In general, yes. However, there are thousands of wealthy people who are miserable. You must define success on your own terms. Maybe success for you is caring for your aging parents while working part time. Or success could be spending your prime earning years on the mission field. You can redefine success on an annual basis.

Put your goals ahead of everything and everyone. I had the opportunity to ask a successful speaker and coach how she started a seven figure business while working full time. She advised me to work on my business between 7:00 p.m. and 2:00 a.m. If I were to follow that advice, when would I sleep? When would I exercise? When would I spend time with friends and family? Perhaps I could accomplish my business goals in 12 months instead of 24, but where would my physical and mental health be once I achieved my professional goal? Look at the big picture. Every goal effects your entire life. Decide what you’re willing to sacrifice and for how long. As you monitor how close you are to achieving your goal, monitor what and whom you’re neglecting to attain the goal.

As you decide what advice to follow, consider the advice from different angles. How will it affect your spiritual life? What relationships will suffer? How much money do you have to spend? Your life is multi-dimensional, so it’s a good idea to think about the major areas of your life when considering changes in any area.

What’s the worst advice you’ve ever heard?

How to Prepare for an Unexpected Job Change

At the age of 22, Nely Galan became the manager of a TV station in New Jersey. For three years, she gave herself completely to her job and believed that her employers were loyal to her. One morning she went to work and learned that the station had been sold, and her job was gone. She was devastated. In her memoir, Self-Made, Galan says that once her job disappeared without warning, she knew that she was responsible for her livelihood. She couldn’t rely on an employer.

Every week we learn that retailers are going out of business or laying off thousands of employees. For decades, employment with the government seemed to be a secure route. However, there are government furloughs, and many municipalities are reducing their work forces.

There is no reason to panic. However, we all need a plan B. What if the job goes away? What will you do? Here are some ways to prepare for an uncertain future:

1. Stay flexible. Don’t believe that you are limited to any profession. When opportunities come to try different skill sets, take advantage of them. If you’ve always dreamed of trying a particular job, you don’t have to quit your day job. Interested in owning a restaurant? Take a part time job at a restaurant. Go to chamber of commerce meetings and join committees so that you can confer with business owners. You can also try doing freelance work. You can freelance as a consultant, tutor, editor, writer, graphic designer or dozens of other professions. Visit www.Freelancer.com for some ideas.

2. Know your strengths. What are you good at doing? What do you love doing? That intersection is the sweet spot and is probably what you should be doing for work. Maybe you’re really good with children and you love taking care of children. Perhaps you are an efficient administrative assistant, and you are delighted when your work makes your boss look great. Think of other industries that need your skill set. Set up a profile on LinkedIn so that you can stay current in your field and begin creating a network. Visit www.ColorCode.com where you can take a free personality assessment. This test will show you where you are strong. Focus on building your strengths, not your weaknesses.

3. Know what you don’t know. Maybe you believe that the only way for you to earn a living is by working for someone else. I challenge you to learn about other options. Read The 4-Hour Workweek by Timothy Ferriss. There are strategies and case studies in this book that will show you new ways to earn a living. Even if you have no interest in entrepreneurship, this book will show you several methods to be a more valuable employee.

4. Sit and do nothing. Choose a quiet place to just sit and think for 30 minutes. This means no reading, listening to music or nagging children. During this 30 minutes, think about what you would love to do for a living. Consider the first step that you can take. Create a list of ideas and things that you can do while you’re with your current employer. Commit to doing at least one thing every week that gets you closer to a job that you will love.

5. Seek validation. If you don’t receive positive reinforcement in your current position, you need to seek it from other sources. Chair a committee at your church. Volunteer in your community. Everyone needs an external pat on the back. Consider Toastmasters, which is an organization that helps individuals to improve their speaking and leadership skills. Most cities have several clubs that meet before work, midday, after work and on weekends.

There are dozens of things to do to prepare for a job change. These five steps prepare you to obtain a better job, tolerate your current position a little longer or prepare to start your own business. How will you prepare yourself for an unexpected job change?

5 Questions to Ask about Your Job

Do you like your job? Do you have a good salary and decent benefits? If you became independently wealthy tomorrow, would you continue going to that job? Do you look forward to getting up and going to work every morning or do you dread it? If you’re still reading, my bet is that you don’t like your job, but for some reason, you feel stuck. Maybe your job is stable. Maybe the money is fabulous. Maybe you don’t have to do much work. Maybe you have a health problem and you’re not willing to walk away from good health insurance. I challenge you to reconsider staying in a position that doesn’t fill you with joy. Think about these things:

1. Time. If you work from 8am-5pm Monday through Friday, and you spend two hours in the morning getting dressed and getting to work and one hour in the afternoon getting home, you’re investing 60 hours a week into that position. However, there are only 168 hours in every week. Assuming you sleep eight hours a night, you have 112 waking hours a week. So, you’re spending more than 50% of your waking hours working and getting to and from work.

2. Well-being. When you’re at work, do you feel good about what you’re doing? Do you believe in the cause? Do you like your coworkers? How does your boss make you feel? Thinking about the fact that you spend over 50% of your waking hours at work, do you like feeling this way half the time that you’re awake?

3. Your example. How do you behave around your family in the morning as you’re preparing for work? What work related stories are you sharing with your loved ones? How’s your Sunday afternoon? Does your mood turn sour as you think about Monday morning?

4. Your legacy. Would you sit down with your son or daughter and encourage the child to do what you do? Children pay close attention to what you do, more so than what you say. Several years ago, a pediatrician asked my oldest daughter if she wanted to be a lawyer like her mom. My daughter said, “No, because my mom complains too much.”

5. Your money. Are you being paid what you’re worth? Are you able to meet your current obligations, save for your future and spend money on some luxuries? Do you have to work overtime or a second job to make ends meet?

Ask yourself these questions. Do you like your answers? Discuss these topics with someone you trust. If you don’t like your answers, consider creating an exit strategy. If you want to leave, believe you can leave. Think about what you would do for free. Would you write? Would you take care of homeless children? What did you enjoy doing as a child? Consider your passion and give thought to what you can do to get closer to the work you were created to do.

What’s one thing that you can do this week to move in the direction of meaningful work?

Get Smarter Faster

 

In the early 1900’s, a Chicago newspaper editorial labeled Henry Ford an “ignorant pacifist.” Ford was offended and sued the newspaper for libel. During the trial, Ford was asked a series of questions meant to prove that he was ignorant. Finally, Ford told the lawyer who was questioning him that he surrounded himself with intelligent men who could answer any questions that needed to be answered. Although both sides spent $500,000 in attorneys’ fees, the jury returned a verdict in Ford’s favor of six cents. By proving that he knew where to find answers, Ford proved that he was not ignorant. Fast forward to a new century and it has never been easier for us to be informed and well rounded. Consider these ways to get smarter faster:

1. Enroll in Mobile University. Use your commute to improve your skills. While you’re driving or using public transportation to get to work, you can listen to books, TED Talks, and podcasts on dozens of different subjects. You can learn a second language, memorize Bible verses, or learn marketing strategies during the hours a week that you spend getting to and from work.

2. Take classes online. Visit www.oyc.yale.edu. From this site, you can take classes in economics, African American Studies, English literature and several others for free. These are classes that were taught by Yale University professors. Harvard University and MIT created www.edx.org. On this site, you can choose from over 1400 free courses taught by professors from Harvard, MIT, and several universities across the globe.

3. Get a mentor. A mentor will help you address your weaknesses and blind spots. A mentor or coach can also help you improve your strengths. You can have one mentor or several. A mentor doesn’t have to be someone who has conquered every challenge that you have. For instance, if you are 45 years old and you just became a foster parent or stepmom, your 30 year old girlfriend who had children in her early 20’s can mentor you in parenting. What if there is no one available to mentor you one on one? No worries. Going back to the parenting example, you could check out blogs, podcasts and books on parenting. Once you find someone whose advice is helpful, and whose style you like, follow that person. Read her books. Subscribe to her emails. Become a student of everything she has to offer. Once you have immersed yourself in the information that she offers, she has become your mentor.

4. Associate with people who know more than you do. Want to get ahead at work? Ask Mr. Superstar if you can take him to lunch or to dinner. Ask him how he exceeds production goals. Planning to become an entrepreneur? Join virtual and real life groups for entrepreneurs. Go to their events. Ask questions. Offer to assist with their projects.

5. Get uncomfortable. Eleanor Roosevelt said that every day you should do something that scares you. There isn’t much growth in your comfort zone. Thinking about going back to school, but you’re a little nervous? Register for a class at your local community college and force yourself to attend. Are you a hopeless introvert? Join Toastmasters and make your first speech. You know what you fear and how it limits your progress. As long as you stay comfortable, the fear wins.

You can get smarter faster than you ever thought possible. Where will you grow today?

5 Ways You Could Be Wasting Money

When Hollywood producer Aaron Spelling died, he left only $800,000 of his half billion dollar fortune to daughter, Tori Spelling. Tori reportedly wasted most of that money and by 2016, she was being sued for failing to pay a $37,000 credit card bill. Most of us never have that much money at one time, but ordinary people waste money too. Here are a few ways that you could be wasting money.

1. Leaving money on the table

One of the main ways that people leave money on the table is failing to take advantage of employer matches in retirement plans (401Ks or similar). For instance, if your employer matches your contributions up to 3%, and you contribute nothing to the plan, you’re giving up cash that could be worth thousands of dollars over several years. If your money is tight, start contributing $10 every payday. As you get raises, add a little more.

Another way that people leave money on the table is by getting thousands of dollars in tax refunds every year. If you usually receive a $2,000 tax refund, at a minimum you’ve left 1% interest on the table because the money could have been in a savings account growing interest. If you have credit card, student loan, car or mortgage debt, you left even more money on the table because the money that you overpaid to the IRS could have been used to pay down debt, and you would have paid less interest. If you’re getting large tax refunds, you simply need to adjust your withholding so that you’re not overpaying your taxes.

Financial planner Chris Hogan says that interest earned is a reward, and interest paid is a penalty. Keep that in mind if you’re getting large tax refunds.

2. Lifestyle creep

This is the bad habit of allowing your expenses to increase as your salary increases. Or worse, once you pay off a car, student loan or credit card, you start recklessly spending the money that you were using on the payment. There’s nothing wrong with celebrating when you get a raise or when you pay off a big bill, just put a time and money limit on the celebration and be wise and deliberate with how you spend the extra money.

Another way to insure that your retirement savings keep pace with your income is to have a percentage of your income automatically deposited into your retirement plan. It’s a good idea to look at the percentage a couple of times a year and try to increase it, but even if you don’t increase the percentage, your contribution will increase every time you get a raise.

3. Making loans to friends and relatives

Nothing ruins relationships faster than money disputes. Here’s a simple way to handle requests for loans. Decide how much you can afford to cheerfully give the person and then give the person the money. You’ll never have to wonder why the person is going on a cruise when she still owes you $500! You won’t be angry when she comes to your home driving a new car. If you can afford to give her the money, give it to her and allow that transaction to be over. If you can’t afford to give her any money, politely decline her request for a loan and ask if there is another way that you can help her.

4. Being loyal to a bank

Perhaps you started banking at a particular institution because they were giving away tee-shirts and ball caps when you were in college. Are you still doing business with the first credit union that gave you a car loan? Start checking with other banks and credit unions to see if you can get better rates. You shouldn’t pay for checking, and you should be earning interest on your savings. Yes, it’s a hassle to change banks, but look at it this way, if you’re paying $10 a month now for a checking account, and it takes you two hours to switch to a credit union that doesn’t charge for checking, over the course of a year, you’ve saved $120 after spending two hours. Basically, you made $60 an hour.

5. Choosing to be ignorant

The internet is at your fingertips. You can investigate online banks, strategies for saving money and strategies for making your money grow. Many libraries and community colleges offer money management classes. Books and money management magazines are available in stores and online. If you don’t know how to manage money, you can learn, and you can learn for free.

Are there other ways that you were wasting money? Why did you decide to stop?

How to Become Financially Independent

 

Ronald Read worked as a janitor and a gas station attendant after serving in the military. When he died in 2014, he left $6 million dollars to charity. He drove a used economy car. His family and friends had no idea that he had amassed a fortune. We love to read those stories. But there are other stories about how people handle money. At least once a month, we learn about an athlete, celebrity or lottery winner who is bankrupt. Most of us are probably somewhere in the middle when it comes to managing money.

Everyone has a definition of financial independence. Some want to retire at 50. Others want to leave an inheritance to their children’s children as the Bible directs. Regardless of where you are on the spectrum, you can become financially independent with a few simple steps.

1. Believe that it’s possible.

If a janitor can accumulate millions of dollars, you can too. It starts with a shift in mindset. You can’t tell yourself that you’ll always be broke and expect to become wealthy. Monitor your internal dialog. Regardless of how your money looks now, tell yourself that you can become financially independent.

Francis Bacon said that money is a good servant but a bad master. Solomon said the borrower is servant to the lender. See Proverbs 22:7. You must decide that you will master your money.

2. Prepare to make big sacrifices.

You won’t become financially independent by clipping coupons and shopping at Walmart. It takes more. It’s choosing a Toyota over a Lexus and then driving that Toyota for 10 years. It’s living in a three bedroom home in a modest neighborhood when you can afford to live in a mini-mansion in a gated community. It’s living on less than you make all the time. If you make $20 an hour, decide to live on $18 an hour. Everyone’s situation is different. Maybe you need to do some part-time work, take in a tenant, or move in with a relative.

Most self-made millionaires live modestly. Want to learn what they do differently? Read The Millionaire Next Door: The Surprising Secrets of America’s Wealthy by Thomas J. Stanley, Ph.D. and William D. Danko.

3. Do your homework.

If you were going on a cruise, you would consider destinations, cruise lines and price. You would probably spend several hours doing research online and talking to friends and relatives who had cruised in the past. You would make an effort to use your vacation time and dollars wisely. In the same way, you can learn all you need to know about wise money management. Information is available in books, on podcasts, in magazines and in free or low cost classes. Visit the websites of financial experts such as Dave Ramsey and Michelle Singletary. Many local colleges offer classes on money management and investments.

You have every tool that you need to become financially independent. You can get out of debt, save money and accumulate wealth. You can support causes that you care about. You can choose to leave money to your loved ones and to charities that are important to you. You can decide today to become financially independent in the future.

You Need a 90-Day Plan

 

Maybe you planned to accomplish great things this year, but you seem to be stuck in neutral, or worse, you’re moving backwards. Perhaps your big and bad goals were too overwhelming, and you never really got started. About this time last year, I learned the beauty of creating a 90-day plan. Instead of getting stuck trying to figure out what you can and will do in a particular year, look at the next 90 days instead. Here’s why you need a 90-day plan.

1. A 90-day plan allows you to benefit from simple multiplication and division. Let’s say your goal is to lose 30 pounds this year. What can you reasonably accomplish in the next 90 days? Could you plan to lose 10 pounds in the next 90 days? If that’s your goal for this 90 day period, you would need to lose about three pounds a month, which does not seem overwhelming at all. That’s how simple division works in your favor. While three pounds a month, may not sound like great progress, it sounds better when you apply multiplication. What if you could lose three pounds every month for the next 12 months? You would exceed your goal. If you want to write a book, start a business or get a new job, the process is the same. Decide what you can reasonably accomplish in 90 days. Apply division to make the tasks simple and easier to accomplish and apply multiplication to envision what you can get done in an entire year.

2. Creating a 90 day plan takes pressure off of you. You decide what’s important and what’s realistic, and you don’t have to worry about the other stuff. You’re only focusing on a short, 90 day period.

3. You can start new habits that will make a big difference. Let’s go back to our weight loss example. If you decide to lose three pounds a month, maybe you could do that by eliminating sugary drinks and exercising three days a week. At the end of your 90 days, you have two great new habits that will benefit you for decades.

For more on the power of simple changes and habits, read The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy. Hardy shows how to make small shifts in behavior that lead to tremendous changes.

Ninety days can make a big difference. Take a few minutes to plan the next 90 days of your life. Post in the comments what you will accomplish during the next 90 days.