S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 95
March 7, 2017
Breathe Siana
My affirmations/mantras for today:
You are doing great.
You are a kind person.
You help people every day, there is no greater thing in the world.
You are loved.
You are appreciated and valued.
You are a hard worker, and hard work pays off.
Keep your eyes open to opportunities and your heart open to necessary change.
Don’t negativity in and definitely don’t let it settle inside you.
Only you can decide what is and is not true for you.
Not everyone can understand you and that’s okay.
Let the light in.
You’re going through some growing pains right now, and that’s just fine, when the pain is gone, you’ll be a stronger, better you.
And breathe.
I’ve had a very on and off day today. A great time speaking as a motivational guest speaker for people who’re unemployed and dealing with mental health issues. It felt amazing to help those people by sharing my experiences. I had to go to work afterwards and that was poop and I had a little trouble with someone after work but all in all I should focus on the great start to my day. And the productive end where I sorted out my writing portfolio.
I know I can make my way through, if only all this negativity wouldn’t keep seeping inside me and dragging me down.
Don’t you know I got things to do! Urgh!
But I don’t know.
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March 3, 2017
Get Those Experience Points!
Today my sister bumped into my estranged aunt and uncle, and she told me that they basically bad-mouthed me about my life choices. How I shouldn’t have dropped out of uni. Shouldn’t be writing books. Should get a degree and work a job for 40k a year. Oh and my tweets are depressing apparently just because I advocate for Mental health.
At first I was upset. Then I was angry. Then I was upset and angry that they even made me upset and angry. They have no right to comment on my life when they don’t even know me anymore, they led awful lives themselves and when they don’t understand where I’m headed right now.
How can they know anything about me when I don’t even know myself?
Logic dictates in the end that they don’t know anything. Maybe I have made bad choices, maybe not, but either way they were my choices to make and they were important on my journey to understanding what I want.
Later on today, I came home from work and played Tomb Raider on my PS4. Whilst playing video games like this, you complete tasks and you gain something called XP (experience points) which help you develop the necessary points and skill to advance in the game.
And so this got me thinking. Like I always do. A lot of people are going through life just wondering around and gaining no XP, therefore they’re not advancing. There are millions of games and millions of different ways to achieve XP as well. And this is what I’m doing. I’m someone who is actively gaining XP. I’m going out and trying things. University was necessary in my journey for a brief time, for me to gain the XP needed to move on. But staying there wouldn’t help me get more XP in the areas of my life that I needed it most.
I need(ed) help advancing in my social skills, my writing, my travel, my sense of adventure, my confidence, my attitude, my relationships and my understanding of the world and the greater universe. But at uni I was quiet, shy, the one who felt aside from the rest, on autopilot, handing in half arsed essays that I didn’t care about. Yes I was in a prosperous environment, surrounded by thousands of incredible individuals but in such a place I didn’t feel like I could connect to them, for some reason or another. I tried twice, but it just didn’t work for me on the level I needed and wanted it to so desperately.
So when people get me down, even people who have no right to comment on my life choices. When I feel lost and angry and confused. When I feel like I’m drifting. I will remind myself that I’m seeking XP. As long as I’m gaining valid life experience points, then I’m on the right track and not wasting my time.
And the same goes for you, my friend. Get your XP maxed out!
Peace.
March 2, 2017
It’s Really Hard Feeling like this
So my emotions seem to be attacking me lately. My head is heavy with angry thoughts and I just feel off balance. I keep saying to myself “what am I doing?”
That’s the hardest question to ask yourself. I wish I didn’t ask it of myself so frequently but it is plaguing my mind and it really hurts.
As a writer I know what I like doing. I know what I’m good at. What keeps me awake at night. What stops me from eating. What makes me forget the world exists. And that’s beautiful. Since I was a little girl I’ve known who I am.
Except it isn’t enough.
I write and write and feel accomplished or happy, but it’s fleeting. So scarily fleeting. I wish I could hold onto that great feeling but it seems to keep slipping through my fingers like smoke.
I remind myself that I know who I am. I know what I’m doing. I am Siana-Rose Crawford, aka S. R. Crawford the author. The writer. The helper. The hero and creator of heroes. But when I can’t make a living from it. When no one seems to be reading my work. When I keep getting new ideas and feel myself becoming overwhelmed and unproductive, I feel like that thing I know about myself just isn’t true enough.
Is it Anxiety? Depression? Anger that I’m not where I want to be? Fear that I’ll never make it? Perhaps all of the above. How do I stay strong through all of this in order to become the me I know I am?
For now I am weak…And all I seek is peace.
Happy world book day, hopefully one day people will celebrate my books like I have always dreamt.
Happy World Book Day!
Hope everyone has had a great World Book Day today! Celebrate the great works of art that has changed so many lives by weaving stories with words. Books have the power to change the world. We each drink a little bit of magic with each book we consume.
I love being an author, I wouldn’t change it for the world. It gives me such a sense of power, beauty and community.
Some of my favourite books and inspiration is the Harry Potter Series, the Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) series and the Percy Jackson series!
What’re yours?
Visit my amazon page for a look at my beautiful books
February 22, 2017
February 21, 2017
Strong Foundations are the Key to a Strong Self
Foundations are key to our livelihoods. If we have the basics of our lives sorted out, consciously, then we can begin to build better lives from there. The pillars of our life is build on top of these strong foundations.
Foundations are only strong if we have strong:
Beliefs
Passions
Connected-ness
Habits
These things build every other element of our lives. Our beliefs become our thoughts. Our passions become our drive. Our connected-ness becomes how we interact with the world. And our habits become who we are and what we do.
If any of these are negative, weak or nonexistent, then the foundations won’t be strong enough to hold our pillars, causing our pillars to be prone to collapse when shook. Thus our lifestyle will be at risk and failure will be imminent.
A lot of these are learnt early in our lives. Our upbringing and childhood experiences set our foundations. We learn from our parents, early teachers, TV (if we grew up with it), and our early friends. Any of these people or environments can shape who we become, because we learn how to behave. We learn what to believe in, what passions are, how to connect with the world around us and what behaviours are “normal” to follow (habits).
Some people may smoke because their parents smoked. Or, like me, can see the negative effects of smoking on a parent and be turned off from it. Seeing a parent follow their dreams despite adversity can inspire us to have the same passions and drive. Religion is a big one. Parents who are religious often encourage the same in their childhood. Therefore, early on, a person can learn how to view the world and trust in circumstance from the religious teachings their parents introduce them too.
So, be conscious of what your foundations are now. What do you believe in, what are you passionate about etc. From there, reshape or focus on your foundations in order to build a strong, healthy lifestyle now. Recognise what may be holding you back by going deep within yourself and getting to the root of your person.
Restructure your foundations; strengthen the weaker areas. Know yourself and why you do what you do in order to build your strong, healthy livelihood.
Seek Peace.
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February 16, 2017
Changing my YouTube Channel!
It’s going to be weird speaking about myself and life and being brutally honest about the “pivotal twenties” but I feel that it is necessary. I’ll still be guiding people and helping people (hopefully) but also having more fun with my channel and speaking about life in general more rather than just focusing on mental health.
Thanks for the support, hit Subscribe for more…
My New Channel
