S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 97

Excerpt/Teaser from my New Self-Help Book – “What I Know So Far”

All rights reserved, copyright 2017 S. R. Crawford

 

The Purpose of this Book

Why did I write this book? To be honest, it sprang out of nowhere and surprised me. At the end of last year and the start of this year (2017) I was writing different books, but then the idea of this one came and hit me in the face like “whoa, hey, here’s an idea.”

And so I started writing and little did I know that yeah, there was an actual story inside of me that was leaking out. I wrote so much so fast that I couldn’t just shake the story away. I had to write it and share it, even if not many people really understood why.

So why then is this an important idea to share? Why are you reading this? Why should you get me a chance? Because I’m learning. I’m still on a journey. I am a product of mistakes and failure and disappointment. I’ve been left behind, let down, and left out in the dark. I’ve had things change on me out of nowhere and shake up my life in ways I didn’t understand at the time.

But I’m starting to.

This book is about how I’ve come to understand all the pain and chaos in my own life. I share my story in an autobiographical tale before analysing what I learnt after each experience. At the time I didn’t realise I was being taught anything at all. I didn’t know I was being shaped by the bumps and bruises of life. But now I realise that I was and I am noticing the patterns.

The purpose then of this book is to show you how I “figured out” my life and its crazy events so far, and how amazing it was to have done so. It’s been eye-opening and enlightening. I feel lighter, calmer and ready for whatever the future holds because I now realise, from real evidence, that it’ll all be okay.

I want you to see how I’ve done it and take on board my personal lessons. See what I’ve done and start doing it yourself. And hopefully by the end of it, the both of us will better understand and trust in the journey.

The Meaning of Chaos

Why does motivation come and go? Why did you go to this school instead of that school? Grow up in this area instead of that one? Eat this and not that? Go here and not there? Decide this dream instead of that one?

Why did you not get that job in that place? Why did you break down that one time? Why did your relationship end? Why did you get fired? Why them and not me? Why, why, why?

The answer is most definitely chaos.

I do believe in destiny – that life is a string of events that had to happen in order to lead us to a particular end result. But I believe in chaos, too. I think that through an untrained eye, your life will always be chaotic. That you can never understand why something happened; it just did. Accept this to be true if you want to, if it brings you comfort, but I disagree.

I believe in chaos to the extent that random things happen to us. That we’re thrown this and that. We go from here and then suddenly end up there. This is all 100% true and none of us can really deny that. But when you look closer, there’s often more to it.

Think of life and the universe as an untouched Dot-to-Dot puzzle. This is the chaos. The dots are the randomness, the events, the experiences all seemingly unconnected. But then when we look back on our experiences, and begin connecting the dots, a pattern does start to form. And the picture suddenly becomes clear.

Life is chaos. It’s confusing and disordered and random. But when looked at with a close eye and an open mind, it starts to make more sense. And when you understand and trust the chaos, there is a lightness that fills you. I think that the meaning of life, if there is one, and I know we’re all looking for it, is to understand the reason for the chaos.

Once you begin to understand the chaos, or at least understanding that there will eventually be a reason for the chaos, you start to believe in a few things:

Destiny
Fate
The present
The future
Choices
Failure
Success

 

It helps you with experiences like:

Mistakes
Change
Circumstance
Loss
Expectation

 

You connect better with:

Your personality
Resolve
Purpose
Mind
Soul and spirit

 

And you build:

Focus
Relationships
Hunger/Drive
Faith
And Perspective

 

As silly as it sounds, everything really does happen for a reason. The reason may not present itself until many years down the line, but the reason is still there. And if you’re capable or interested, you can find that reason. And trust in that reason.

You are you because you need to be. Never change who that person is because you’re important. Even if you were put on this earth to do a small job, that job is still yours and you must do it to the best of your ability. No, never change – grow but don’t change.

You were given your interests and skills for a reason. You often meet and connect with certain people for a reason – they have stories to tell that can and will shape you if you listen. You’ll realise that luck doesn’t exist; luck is preparation and opportunity. My sister is the luckiest person I’ve ever met but I’ll tell you now, she has certain qualities that make her “lucky”. She’s charismatic. She says yes. She listens. She knows people and connects with them. She’s likeable. She’s a free-spirit. And she out and about in the world, so of course she’s in the right place for good things to happen. These are the “lucky” people but they really aren’t lucky at all.

You have your dreams and ideas for a reason – listen to them, give them life. Understand the reasons why you were given these idea along your journey, and trust in it. Trust that it will be alright in the end. Place your focus on the right things; not the past, not waiting on the future, but on the now. Love the present moment and be utterly present in it. That way, you will be better aware of what you’re doing, and you’ll suddenly enjoy life’s journey. Then, every so often, be grateful for where you are now compared to where you used to be. Analyse your life if you must, for it can grant you the understanding and strength to finally let go and fully live. I have.

There’s a reason for everything.

The meaning of chaos in our lives is to disguise what’s going to happen. If you knew what the end of a book was, what would be the point in reading it? The journey just wouldn’t be as enjoyable. No, the chaos is necessary. It is to urge us to grow stronger. To be smarter. To make mistakes and learn from them. To learn how we want to be treated. To connect with all kinds of people. To know the past, trust the future and be in the present.

I now trust the chaos and understand its beauty. Confusing though it may seem, just like a good book, it all shall be revealed in the end.

 

 

The Meaning of Pain

 

Ever had any of these thoughts? It’s all my fault. I’m a failure. I’m not good enough. They’re better than me. He didn’t love me. I was left. I was betrayed. I wasn’t good at school. I’m not good at anything.

Sound about right? These thoughts all stemmed from your pain.

In the simplest of terms, pain is necessary for growth. Take a muscle for example. When first stretched, the muscle is in pain. Gymnasts in certain parts of the world would even tear the muscles in young athletes, so that they grow back looser and they’d be able to then perform better. Of course this is a horrid thing to do to children, don’t get me wrong, but stay with me here. Muscles are stretched and torn and worked on for years before they become strong and can perform extraordinary tasks.

The same goes for the brain and the heart. Though anatomically speaking the heart is an organ; and although the brain does have a bit of muscle, it isn’t actually classified as one due to the grey and white matter in it. But still, think of the heart and especially the brain as a muscle. They need to be stretched and torn and worked on in order to perform to a greater standard.

Sadly, you can’t just go to the gym or a class in order to do this. So instead, life does it for you over many, many years.

And it’s painful. It hurts like hell. What happens to us doesn’t hurt, it’s how we perceive it that hurts. It ruminates in our minds and weighs heavy on our hearts.

Life is always preparing you for the next step. Preparing you for the next challenge. It’s like a video game – at each level, you learn the skills necessary to take on later opponents. Then you’re working your way up to the biggest challenges and the big bad boss at the end.

Why are older people so honest and calm and free-spirited and fun (for the most part)? Because life has taught it to them. For some reason or another, it takes most of us a long time to learn what life really means. It takes a lot of pain and suffering. But one day, be it in our 30s, 40s or 90s, we will learn how to laugh at bad situations. Or accept what is or change what you don’t like.

But it takes time and understanding. It takes lesson after lesson after lesson. We’re never done learning. We’re never done growing.

You must put you hand into the fire in order to learn that it is hot. People will tell you, “no, don’t touch that; it’s hot, it’ll hurt you” but how can you know for sure? By touching it yourself.

The same goes for bad people, bad relationships, education, careers, passions and dreams. Even if people could just tell us that something is right or wrong, we have to decide for ourselves by going the path. And though the path may result in pain, that pain is a big red flag that imprints on our brains and our hearts saying, “well, that wasn’t good. But I know that now, and I can move on with that knowledge.”

People stay depressed, or generally beaten, or in bad situations of all kinds, because they don’t understand pain. They think they were born to always live in that pain. That pain is a prison and they are a convict.

No, no.

Pain is not a prison. Pain is a key.

I know that if I try to do the splits now, it will hurt like hell but after a long time of training, I will do the splits with ease. I know that I may want to quit a class because I keep failing and the pain of it is just too much, but if I keep trying and growing and working hard then I will be given that certificate that says I did it.

So no, pain is not a prison. Pain is my key. The key to success. The key to understanding. The key to better. The key to strength.

Only if you stay still, and let the pain hold you down like a rock on top of paper, will you forever be in pain. So move the rock or move yourself and keep on moving forwards.

I know this because I have been in pain. And I have not been in pain. And my story written for you, here in this book, as my evidence to show you that I know what I’m talking about and I’ve felt how you feel.

You must thank whatever greater force you believe in for adversity. For it is adversity that grants us strength. If a path is easy we learn nothing and we most definitely do not become grateful. Suffering, trials, ups and downs all prove one great thing – that you’re trying. And trying is good. Trying is nothing to be ashamed of because more people are trying than you realise; and more importantly, those who don’t try are fools and have already failed.

Learn how to learn from life, not be beaten by it. Master your mind and listen to your soul. Nurture your body and test the limits of all three. Don’t be afraid to accept the pain and carry on despite it. Learn from it, ask the universe what the lesson here is and learn from it. Always.

Don’t believe me just yet? Still want the proof? Well check out my life’s story and what it taught me. This is all real and maybe, just maybe, it will finally show you that the universe is speaking to you – if only you’d start listening.

 

(Stay tuned for the published works next month!)

Lessons you Didn’t Learn in School that the Universe Teaches you Instead

Sometimes the universe can be a real mean teacher, but oftentimes, we only learn from a big bad lesson. Sadly, school doesn’t do it’s just in terms of making us well-rounded individuals ready to take on the world, so the universe has no choice to be do it instead. What lessons do I wish I’d learnt at school, so that I didn’t have to learn them the hard way? Here’s a list…

How to Deal with Failure 101
Bills, Taxes, Mortgage and other Grown Up Crap
The Roller-coaster that is Life
How to Speed Read
Dealing with Others
Relationships are Hard
Developing your Sense of Style
Interior Design
Recognising and Dealing with your Emotions
Time Management
How to be Assertive
Accepting Yourself
Resilience
How to Find a Job, Change a Job or Settle into a Job
Looking After the Planet
How to Cook…properly
Work Life Balance
How to Let Go of the Past
Dealing with Loss
Recognising Toxic People
How to Prioritise
How to Exercise
How to be Wrong
How to Make Mistakes and Learn from Them

 

Any that I’ve forgotten? Let me know. But these are harsh lessons that life needs to teach us in sometimes horrid ways – so don’t feel alone or angry or confused – it’s all part of the learning process.

Seek Peace.

What I Learnt From Watching a David Attenborough Documentary

Don’t you just love a bit of Davie Attenborough? He’s amazing. The documentaries that he produces with his team are out of this world, and show us things that we never would have even known never mind seen any other way.

It’s beautiful.

I was watching a nature documentary called Life on Netflix with my boyfriend and I kept making me think about us as humans and life as we know it.

If at first you don’t succeed, you must try and try again in order to survive.
Getting help from others goes a long way to success.
Even the little creatures can overpower and outsmart the bigger ones.
Big tasks reap big rewards.
If your environment isn’t suitable, move.
You have the power inside of you to do great things in your own unique way.
Use what little resources you have.
All it takes is a bit of brainpower to take down big enemies.
Any problem, whether it’s a force or nature or a life hurdle, can be solved as a team by using what you have and reevaluating the situation.
Seek out others like you, who think like you, because you cannot thrive surrounded by those of another species.
Make your space work for you.
Fight for what you want.
Children are a lot of work but they’re worth dying for.
Think outside the box.
Seek new sites for optimum success and livelihood.
When pursuing something you want or need, there is a great need for patience.

Watch documentaries, please, for they teach you things you wouldn’t expect to learn or know even existed. I think in the far future I could enough making my own or at least assisting in the making of documentaries for they’re a great say to share knowledge and affect change.

Seek Adventure. Seek New. Seek Peace.

Pain is Motivation

Weirdly enough, my motivation for this year has come from remembering that I have had bad years. 2015 wasn’t a great year for me, nor was the year before. 2016 was a great year but it had a lot of ups and downs.

I’m motivated and trust in my life’s journey more so now than ever, because 2015 ended so crap but regardless of that I still managed to turn things around and have a great year in 2016…some how! I used my depression as a motivation in the end, I knew I needed to get better and so to do so I wrote a self help book, which led to me starting a support group for sufferers which led to me hosting an event which led to this website and a YouTube channel!

Weird how life works like that…

But this should work for you, too. Even if you haven’t had the same situation as me, you should trust that life has ups and downs and twists and turns, but if you let the downs break you, you fail – it’s rising up from the downs that get you to the better things.

I’m thinking about writing a book about how this crazy universe works.  How if you think about it, a lot of the bad crap that happens to us is actually a blessing or lesson that’s disguised as something horrid. Stay tuned for that if I do write it.

But I just wanted to tell you that bad things happen for a reason. They either teach us something or make us change direction in order to get something better. We become stronger from being knocked back. We only grow an immunity to illness by being exposed to it…and this works for life too.

A good fighter knows how to take a hit, but get back up and give one back.

 

Seek Peace.

My 2016 has been beautiful…

How to do the New Year Right!

It’s almost 2017 already and by god this year went by so fast! But it’s been a good one. Most of you are probably out celebrating already but for the fair few reading this, thank you for your support this year and I hope you follow my journey into 2017 too.

So how do we do the New Year right? 2016 has been a good year to me and I think that’s because I didn’t set resolutions or goals which would later disappoint me. Most resolutions fail! Don’t say you’re going to lose 10 stone or make a million pounds!

That’s unrealistic!

Remember that a New Year doesn’t mean a new life. It’s still you. Your life. Your habits. Your everything. So instead, in order to make big changes you’ve got to work hard and shift your mindset. Plus, you’ve got to want it, and REALLY WANT IT. Stop making excuses. Stop being lazy. And set realistic goals, in bite-size portions.

Instead of saying I want to read a hundred books, instead say I wish to read at least 15 minutes each day – and then see if you get close to a hundred books at the end of the year! Instead of saying you want to make a million, say instead that you want to get a job with better pay. Instead of saying you’re going to find love,  instead say that you’re going to work on yourself and love yourself so that love can find you when you’re ready. Instead of saying I’m going to do this and that and this and that – SAY YOU’RE GOING TO IMPROVE AND FEEL STRONGER NEXT YEAR. THAT’S ALL, AND THEN REST WILL FOLLOW…

This time last year, I did something different to years before. Instead of setting goals or resolutions, I instead focused on how I wanted to feel in 2016 instead.

These were: Healthier, Happier, Well-rounded, and Confident/Independent.

I shaped my year’s goals/views/aspirations around these 4 feelings. I wrote down various things that could lead to me feeling these things, but I didn’t focus on the goal side of things. I focused on how I wanted to feel, only.

And it worked! I have achieved these feelings. I now feel healthier, happier, like a well-rounded individual and more confident than I did last year. So many achievements and personal developments have happened over the year (see the post on achievements) which led to me feeling these things. I’ve made mistakes (see the post on mistakes) and had various ups and downs but this year has granted me with BALANCE which is what everyone should strive for because perfection in life doesn’t exist.

So in order to do the New Year right, you need to shift your mindset.

Stop expecting instant changes.
Stop beating yourself up.
Stop setting unrealistic goals.
Break down your aspirations into easier portions.
Aim to feel differently, not necessarily be or do different.
Declutter.
Cut out the negativity.
Get people to help you.
Track your progress.
Be grateful.
Reward yourself.
Don’t overwhelm yourself with crazy long lists.
Keep moving forward.
Keep trying.
Work hard, and then work harder.
Never give up.
Do things.
Start as you mean to go on.
Keep it up.
Don’t just talk the talk.
Don’t tell people what you aim to do, just do it.
Say yes to opportunities.

 

Good luck, 2017 is yours to take by storm so be weary of your thoughts, change you mindset and get it done.

Achievements of 2016

I’ve had an excellent year! No, it wasn’t perfect but it was filled with great balance and teachings and growth. Personally, here’s the great little things I achieved this year that make me excited for 2017…

Published my first self-help book.
Revamped and then Republished “No Secrets”
Started Mental Well-being Journey.
Started doing yoga.
Meditation space and practice.
Additions to my room.
Confidence.
Solo trip to Budapest, Hungary.
Finally went to Italy.
Eaten Japanese food.
Eaten and now like Chinese food.
Eaten: porridge, natural yogurt, raspberries, quinoa, rice, spinach, salmon, breakfast bars, museli, fish cakes, pasta, squid…
Hosted my own Mental Health Awareness Event.
Started Anxiety and Depression support group.
Online Social Media Marketing Diploma.
Did a speech at the Elite Fashion Show about Mental Health.
Dyed my hair red.
Had box braids.
Watched great TV and films.
Donated blood.
Started a YouTube Channel.
Spoke at a community leaders meeting.
Started reading properly again – over 10 books this year (7 of which were in the last quarter!)
Finally went to Comic Con.
Started writing new books.
Was interviewed for radio and an online magazine.
Big Eternity Series marketing campaign with actors and promos.
Had two new jobs and updated my CV.
Went to London with my boyfriend.
Had a full fringe.
Went to Stratford with my boyfriend.
New ear piercing.
New tattoo.
Made new friends.
Nights out/ real socialising.
Updated my style.
Bettered my diet.
Bettered my anxiety.
Turned 21 and celebrated well.
Had fun in new ways.
Healthier, Happier, and more Confident!

Mistakes I Made in 2016

Wasting money I couldn’t afford to waste.
Not travelling sooner.
Not socialising more and seeing my friends.
Watching reruns of Friends instead of new great TV shows.
Buying things on sale because they’re cheap, not because I actually needed them.
Overthinking every little thing.
Being anger with my partner over something small.
Not laughing and joking enough!
Beating myself up.
Not congratulating myself for my achievements, little or big.
Not saving enough money.
Not going on dates with my mom.
Not going on dates enough anyway!
Not hanging out with my brother or sister enough.
Being scared of what people think.
Putting thoughts into people’s heads.
Not wearing the awesome clothes that I want to wear.
Not exercising enough.
Not developing a routine.
Procrastinating.
Not understanding how to market my work.
Staying at the same job.
Not eating awesome food sooner!
Not educating myself enough.
Not listening to advice properly.
Not reading awesome books sooner!
Abusing my Audible account.
Being bad with money.
Apologising when I don’t need to.
Comparing myself to others.
Not completing another novel yet.
Letting new ideas throw me off.
Holding onto the past.
Being scared of the future.
Letting little things be big things.
Running from myself.
Being lazy.
Having regrets.
Being confused.
Too many take aways.
Not enough restaurants.
Buying random crap on trips.
Not taking enough trips.
Not trusting my gut and following my heart.

Why Rudolph is the Perfect Inspiration for Misfits

So my boy Rudolph was innocent. He did nothing wrong yet just because he was a little different, he was shunned by the other reindeer.

It’s disgusting!

But Santa came along and sought Rudolph’s help and in the end, he showed everyone that he was actually a badass reindeer who came and saved the day! So what do we learn from Rudolph’s story? How does he help us misfits, loser, different people, minorities, ill people, unique people?

All you need is one person to believe in you, no matter what everyone else thinks.
Just be yourself and shine bright.
Do what you do best.
Use what you have to the best of your ability, even if you’re misunderstood.
Don’t be afraid to lead the way for naysayers.
The opinion of others does not define you.
If people prey on your because of your imperfections or differences, then those people are bullies which says more about them than it does about you – in the end you will rise higher than they ever could.
Karma comes back around.
If you use your differences for good you will go down in history.
People will like you and dislike you on and off – and it often doesn’t have much to do with you but instead to do with their closed mind.
Don’t let the b*stards get you down!

 

Be like Rudolph, my beautiful readers. Be strong. Be brave. Be you. And shine bright this festive season and show the naysayers that you can achieve greatness this coming New Year.

 

Seek Peace.

My Notebook is Full of Secrets

I’ve been quite naughty lately, I started off with so much research into mental health and techniques to better it but once I started doing things, I slipped up on my research. But I promise that I will get back on it, and keep sharing new and important information with you guys about how you can strengthen your mind.

But what things are in there and what things am I planning to investigate further?

Mental Health Disorders and Syndromes – duh…
Yoga benefits and techniques
Meditation benefits and techniques
Philosophy – I’m about to get real philosophical on you all and get you thinking…
Emotions
Personality
Natural Remedies
Religion and Spirituality
Life Coaching and Counselling
Drugs and Medicine
Cognitive Influences
Biological Influences
Socio-cultural Influences
Key Mentality Investments – mediation cushion, yoga mat, essential oils, books, diffuser, affirmation posters, foot bath, exercise equipment, light therapy lamp etc…
Aromatherapy
Work/Life Balance
Sleep
Diet
Chakras
Feng Shui
Travel

There’s just so much that does affect our minds, and therefore our lives, that to list it all would go on and on. There’s so many topics that I will discuss, which was why I started this website in the first place. From something as “simple” as loving yourself, and relationships to the big tasks of how to better manage mental health disorders. From everyday must-dos, to one time tricks. There’s so much out there in life, and the most important thing of all is to DO SOMETHING. ANYTHING. You mind will be stronger if you’re actively feeding it with new, exciting and soul-nourishing things.

So get busy.

Seek Peace.