S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 105

What’s Actually Important in Life? You Tell Me…

Hello my lovely blog readers. As many of you know, I wrote a post about the start of September and as a consequence, the end of summer. In said post, I wasn’t exactly happy about that! But since then, I have received a job offer for a Copywriter job and therefore, my future is looking a little less messy – woo!

However, this job offer has come with many complications that I won’t go into, but these complications have started to get me thinking – what is actually important?

So many people have sat and driven themselves crazy when contemplating the true ‘meaning of life’. I personally think that this is a waste of time. As dismal and depressing as it sounds, life ends the same for everyone. We all die. There’s no changing that and truly no perfect way of postponing it. So, in short, I think, the meaning of life is to live happy. To ensure that when you meet your end, you can smile and greet death with somewhat open arms…right?

Therefore, whilst we’re living, what is important? What should we dedicate our time to? And I genuinely would like people to tell me what they find important in their lives, because I’m at an awkward stage in my life where I’m trying to find what fits. What makes me happy? What’s ‘worth it’? I’ve wanted to go on holiday with my boyfriend for some time now, because, well, we’re awesome and we deserve a break from everyone else, right? But my manager isn’t exactly the best of managers and didn’t tell me whether I was granted this holiday time. Then, come the time for the holiday, I was like “arrragh can I go or not?” With this new job happening too, I need the money in order to relocate and so I was faced with the ever-so-dire question ‘money or fun’… What would you choose, damsels?

Well I didn’t actually choose. The decision was kind of made for me in the situation but once it was done, I was relieved. It was only from crying in one of my manager’s arms that I realised – I’m frickin’ stressed!  I’m tried and bored and irritable and confused and overthinking like a crazed rabid squirrel. So I was given the holiday time and I’m going to Blackpool next week; even though I’m nervous about my first holiday with my boyfriend, I’m totally excited to not work for a week or have to deal with this and that.

Yes, as my brother likes to say, my problems will still be there when I return home. But the idea is that when on holiday (as long as it’s not a super expensive one that you truly can’t afford) you get to relax. Your mind can clear and recuperate. You can return home with fresh eyes and a clear head in order to deal with things from a new perspective and a stronger mindset. Well, that’s the idea.

By not working I’m only losing around £50 and when I put that into perspective, I realised £50 isn’t as important as a smile. As laughter and love and some god damn fun! Money in our world is such a big deal that people chase it. Chasing it is fine and it will bring you happiness for the most part; I do realise that.

{It should be noted that I believe money can bring happiness. Not because money is happiness but because I believe money = freedom. With money, you can do most of the things you dream of…}

But when it comes to money or spending time with someone; or money versus following your dream, I’m sorry but I’m going to go with the latter. As a writer, and you writers out there will be nodding in agreement, we don’t make a lot of money. Sadly, writers aren’t repaid for what is actually the most important part of any process. With films or TV shows or manuals or speeches that the president makes or songs that your favourite artist sings, there is a small writer who sat for hours or days or weeks or years crafting it. And yet, you probably don’t know the name of the writers of ‘Inception’, a beautifully complex film. Instead you know Leonardo DiCaprio, who is indeed a beautiful and brilliant man, but he was not the genius behind the concept. Sad, right? Anyway back to my point. Yes, writers are generally poor and unappreciated, but writing makes me happy. Shouldn’t I be a happy little writer who works other jobs for more money whilst writing, over a sad, overworked accountant making big bucks? I hate numbers! Don’t make me be an accountant!

I think, therefore, I’m starting to see what I think is important. Of course, I want money and to travel and to have a big house in several countries and nice cars and enough money to help the people I love and the less fortunate – but all that can’t be at the cost of my happiness. And nor should you sacrifice yours. Do you know what most people have said on their death bed? (Yes, I’ve researched it). They said they wish they had worked less. Think about that for a minute. Is working a 9-5 job you hate really and truly worth it? Life is short, why bother doing that and being unhappy whilst you sit on your big pile of money?

These are the things I’m thinking are important:

Your loved ones – they’re little treasures if only you seek their riches.
Travel –  see the world; don’t make a very small world for yourself or you’ll suffocate.
Your passion/dream – chase that thing whilst you can; if it’s possible, do it; even if it seems impossible, rethink and make it possible. We’re happiest when we’re sleeping and that’s because we’re in our dreams where nothing is impossible.
Loving yourself – don’t let someone else love you more than you love yourself. I’m not talking about narcissism, I’m talking about appreciating what makes you, you .
Art – whether it’s literature, film, TV, blog posts, paintings, buildings or whatever, sit and appreciate art. It can change you and heal you if you let it. Find the art that suits you and create it too. This world was built and shaped by artists with a vision, nothing else.
Living – doing something! Not going with the current with work, sleep, repeat but actually living. There’s so much out there. Such a vast space of unmarked land for you to see and experience. Do it! Find your true calling!

So, consider this, damsels. Do you want to die having left loads of money but no love for your family? Or do you want to die leaving a legacy behind from a life of love, fun and adventure? Where everyone you knew, truly knows and loves you. Where your mark is left on the world for something meaningful and wonderful. Just think about it. You’re not winning if you’re rich. You’re winning if you’re happy. Don’t compare your life to others, live your own without fear.

[Feel free to comment listing the things you value ]

~ Damsel

The End of Summer – And How We’re Feeling About That

Everyone, it’s time for a collective sigh or scream – it’s the end of summer 2015…

Yes, it’s time people. The summer has ran away from us yet again, and this time it’s ran much faster than ever before. Or is it that just me? The way I see it, the summer, and the days in general, are going much faster because we’re older now. We have more responsibilities, more deadlines, more crap to deal with and just generally MORE going on. When we were kids, we didn’t care about time. All that mattered was having fun with no consequences. But now, there are consequences. If you spend a day at the park or playing video games, you regret that you didn’t get that assignment done or write that book instead. Time matters now, and so it feels like it’s going much faster and we have a lot less of it.

And it’s scary, isn’t it? If your life is on the right path, maybe you’re not as scared as me, though. Maybe time is passing and you’re happy because your girlfriend is pregnant and you can’t wait to meet your child. Or you’re getting closer to that big promotion. Or your huge trip to China is drawing nearer. But I don’t feel that way. I feel like I’m in limbo. Floating, drifting… Everyone and everything around me is moving. They’re going back to uni come September. Or they’re starting a fancy new job. Some are even getting married or having children.

I’m happy for them, of course, but I can’t help comparing. Comparing my indecision and lack of certain direction against their firm grasp on life. Yes, they’re facing their own difficulties, but at least they’re on a set journey whilst doing it. I loved Summer because for those few months, I forgot that I was the only one not really doing something. Everyone was back home and on holiday and chilling out, just the same as me. But now, that’s going to change. I’m going to stick out like a sore thumb.

I’m trying to see that as a positive though. To be proud that I’m not following the crowd because it would be easier and I’d be safer. That I have the chance to do something else, and get to where I want to be by my own volition. I just don’t know how. And without people around me to ease that stress and pressure, I’m scared of falling. Honestly, I am. But damsels, that doesn’t make me a fool or weak. Nor would it for you. If you’re never scared, that means you’re never doing something worthwhile or new or exciting. It means you’re not truly living.

Here’s a few things that I’m going to do in order to face my fears and get going with my life. Hopefully they work out, and hopefully they can inspire you too.

I’m going to stop focusing on what other people are doing. To achieve this, I probably should use Facebook less.
I’m going to apply, apply, apply! For everything, everywhere so that at least I can feel like I’m taking steps in the right direction.
I’m going to fix other broken things in my life, in order to feel more comfortable. This is through exercise, changing my eating (expanding and cutting things out), reading and writing, and enjoying quality me time.
Help other people feel good about themselves; this can be very rewarding and healing for you too.
Get out of the house!
Not feel guilty or stress over spending time with my boyfriend or my family. They love me and I should soak that up. (We deserve it, right?!)
Get used to being alone – in case I need to relocate for a job.
Decide what I want, and what I don’t, so that I can have better focus.
Accept failure and move on.
Be open about my feelings so that they don’t consume me.

All in all, I’m trying to remember that I’m only twenty. That it’s OK to make mistakes and not know what I’m doing tomorrow. I’m allowed to write till my heart’s content if that makes me happy. It’s a shame that there is so much focus on money and jobs that people forget about just being happy. Yes, having money makes us happy, but that shouldn’t be at the cost of working a job that we hate for 40 hours a week. So yes, as crazy as it sounds, I’m not going to sell my soul for a pay-check – not yet, at least. I’ll let you know how that one goes…

So yes, summer is over and we’re all getting ready for things to become more serious. You know why autumn is called the fall? Because that’s what we do. We fall. Come September, things just get harder – but you know what? That doesn’t have to be the end of the world. It’s harder, but it can be worthwhile. It’s productive. It’s time to tick things off our lists and say we did something!

Let’s be proud of ourselves by the end of 2015, and be able to embrace 2016 with open arms and cheeky grins. We’re on the decline towards the end of year, so get ready to make the end count.

~ Damsel

Film Review of “Paper Towns” – Utterly Thought-Provoking and Hilarious

My sister and I went on a spontaneous trip to the cinema, deciding to watch the newly released Paper Towns. Anyone who’s read the book, must have been excited to see the film adaptation. I, on the other hand, have not read the book. I didn’t know what to expect from the narrative at all. Perhaps that helped me enjoy the film, with the mystery of it all, but I really did love it.

So, the film started off with a bang. Straight away from the voice over of the main character Q, I felt pulled in.

I actually leant into my sister and said that it was a very good start to the film. I liked the concept, the characters and the narrator. It’s difficult to get the narrator right. It can sometimes come off as cheesy or overshadowing or silly, but this hit home. It added to the plot in every way it needed to. And then, of course, the beautiful Cara Delevingne came onto the screen.

Isn’t the girl amazing? She’s definitely one of my lady crushes because not only is she beautiful, but she’s also an actual person. Not at all a paper person like the story dictated. She’s funny, quirky, clumsy and so so real. I love it! In the film, she was the same. Perhaps this is why I can’t yet judge her true acting skill, because she was too much like herself when playing Margo. But all the same, I liked her character at first. She was reckless and inspiring. A little too inspiring. Her words – written by the author John Green – had my sister and I re-evaluating our lives.

No, seriously. As one of my previous posts said, I’m a little lost at the moment. I don’t know who I am or what I’m doing. I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong. I feel alone. I have a lot of people that I love and trust, but I feel alone. They don’t really get what it’s like to be me. What it’s truly like. I’m scared all the time. It’s even scary to tell you that. I know we’re all scared sometimes, and I’m a proud person because despite being scared I do what I need to do…but is it enough? Am I truly living? That’s what Paper Town made me do. It made me beat myself up.

It made me see that I plan too much and think things through, rather than just going and doing it. Rather than just doing whatever I like to be happy in the moment. You see what I’m getting at? I want to be like Margo in that I’m not afraid to just do whatever. To not care what anyone thinks. To get up and go with  real ‘fuck you’ attitude. To feel alive. To feel the warmth in my veins, the beating of my heart and an empty head as I just do it. But I don’t. My head is heavy with thoughts. Always thinking. And I’m shackled to the ground by it.

Moving on swiftly…The rest of the film was amazing because it was effortlessly funny. It made your sides split from very well done character interaction. The trio of friends were so natural that it made you feel like they were your friends too. The mystery behind it, too, was truly engaging. You felt what Q felt as he unravelled Margo’s mystery, and I really liked that. Mysteries don’t always succeed in mystifying; or in mystifying, they just confuse. But this worked very well for me. It didn’t have a lot going on other than that, but that was nice. Plus, how they highlighted how endings can be so hard. How people touch our lives in ways we don’t realise til they’re almost gone. It’s sad. And it was sad to see that on the screen, too. But it wasn’t elaborate. It was what it was. Teens, love, mystery, reflection and hilarity. YA books are definitely something I need to give more of my time to.

All in all, go watch the film and go read the book. Either one, I’m sure, will entertain you. However, get ready to feel. Whether it’s from reflecting on your life, or feeling the emotion of life and endings, I’m sure Paper Towns will hit home.

9/10

~ Damsel

A Reflection on Race – Yes, This is a Post About Race

I was in the shop earlier today and I spotted the most beautiful thing ever – a mixed race family. The mother was dark-skin mixed race (half black, half white), the father was white and the children were a beautifully blended mix of the two. The little boy had curly dark blonde hair, piercingly blue eyes and tanned skin. The daughter had near green eyes, brown curls, a great grin and lighter skin.

I’m mixed race too (half black as my mother is Jamaican, and half white from my Irish-British father), and I’ve always been very proud of it. I love my skin! Being a blend of two races means I get the best of both worlds! I can have straight hair and curly hair. I don’t desire a tan. Do I wish I had green eyes? Hell yeah! But all in all, I love being mixed.

So I don’t understand why people are against the mixing of races. How someone can be so up their own arse or ignorant as to think another race is any different to how they are. Yes, physically, they have differences. Like the shade of their skin, how their hair grows, tone of voice potentially, body shape and size, but that’s all. Does someone having a fatter ass make them a bad person? Does someone having blue eyes make them someone you can’t possibly be friends with? Does a European have to be white and an African have to be black? I can’t wait for the day where mixed race people aren’t rare. Where you can ask a person where they’re from without guessing and being right.

I mean, why limit yourself? There’s so much to be learnt from people of other cultures. Our world could be a bigger, better place where an Asian could hold hands with a black person without getting weird looks. Where a white mother could have a dark-skinned child without people raising an eyebrow. We’re all beautiful. We’re all fascinating. I was so happy to see so many different races in the shops today. I walked past a few black people and they nodded at me, asking if I’m alright because that’s what we do! Black people are amazing! We value respect and camaraderie, so how can some people walk past us with their heads down as if they want nothing to do with us?

As you may have noticed, I said “we” and that’s because I mostly identify myself with the black race. I get who they are more so than the white side of me, due to my upbringing. Perhaps being mixed means I can appreciate and love more races, but that shouldn’t be the case. It shouldn’t take the mixing of skin to develop an open mind.

I know it’s weird, but I love Asian people. I love their culture, I love their ideals and look (not saying every Asian is the same, of course), and I loved learning Japanese and teaching myself a bit of Mandarin. But it’s a shame that Asians tend to only associate with fellow Asians. I wish there was more friendship groups of mixed races like me and my friends back at school but there wasn’t. It was mostly the black people grouped together, the white people and the odd Asian dotted here and there. It truly saddens me.

It’s mind-boggling that race is even a consideration. I’ve grown up with the black side of my family and I’ve mostly had white friends. However, I’ve had Indian friends, Vietnamese friends, Jamaican friends, Greek friends and much more. Now, my boyfriend is African. My brother has a good friend who is Italian and he’s learning loads from her about her life. And isn’t that beautiful? One race sharing their stories? I’m blessed to have so many different types of people around me and they’ve enriched my life. I want to seek more! I must travel and make international friends because people are amazing. Damsels, don’t limit yourself to one place or one type of person because you will be at such a loss.

If you’re even worse and you’re a racist, I pity you. I really do. I feel sorry for you that you’re so pathetically closed minded that you actually believe race is more than just skin. That beneath one’s skin isn’t someone beautiful who could bring such wonder and joy to your life. That you’d rather discriminate and curse instead of open your arms and your mind. You’ll never know the beauty of a colourful life.

This was a bit of a random post, but when the thought hits you, you write, right? Hope you enjoyed it and can relate. Next time you see someone of another race, smile at them. Let them know you respect and admire who they are for you never know what hell they’ve been through just because of their skin. I love all of you.

~ Damsel

I’m Never Drinking Again…Maybe

On the weekend, I went on a night out for my best friend’s birthday. Yes, me. You don’t know me that well, but I’m an introvert. I don’t go out.

But I had to make an effort for my friend. My boyfriend and I were meant to be going for the pre-drinks then going home, as funds were low. But as people do, we got convinced to go out up town. You probably don’t live near me, but there is this street filled with nightclubs called Broadstreet and let’s just say it’s not somewhere civilised folk like to go.

However, by the time we got up there, I was pretty drunk anyway. I’m not a drinker and so I have an exceptionally low tolerance for it. We played drinking games like ‘Never Have I Ever’ and this one where you go back to back and have to answer who’s the best at___ and if you say the same thing you have to drink. By the time my boyfriend and his mate got back, I was tipsy and overly confident. Which worked out great! I feared my boyfriend’s best friend didn’t like me, so with this new confidence I was able to talk to him and get in his good books.

There was ten of us so we had to split up and go in two taxis. I went in the second one, as I had to wait for the boys to be ready. When this other girl and I left my friend’s house and was locking up, she only went and left her bag inside the locked house…Whilst my friend had already left with the key! So we had to wait for the taxi to bring the owner of the house back so we could get in and get her bag. FML!

But then we got on our way, having a ride from a very lovely taxi man as opposed to the dry ones I’m used to. When we reached the nightclub where my friends were, it took another crappy turn. The boys weren’t allowed in! Apparently they have new management, who says no trainers with laces are allowed! I could have cried! I didn’t want to be there anyway! But that’s not all. We turn around and the other’s we were meeting up with were in the smoking area. Now I didn’t know the full list of the other’s coming, but I should have guessed. One of the girls there was an old friend. Now that doesn’t sound bad, right? Well no, because she is an old friend who has also “associated” with my boyfriend.

I could have laughed. You know those “oh-my-god-my-life-is-so-shit-kill-me-now” kind of laughs? Yeah, I wanted to do that. Or slap her around the face. But no, I kept my cool and asked how she was yadda yadda. After all, no one had done anything wrong. They were both consenting, single adults when it happened. I’m just one of those overthinking types, who has to consider every aspect of what her being there could mean. Is she gonna steal him from me? Will she bring it up? Should I bring it up? Will he? Is he looking at her? Does she look better than me? She does, right? Omg she’s talking to him, and they’re laughing, they’re gonna fall in love!

But I’m just crazy, of course. My boyfriend loves me and he barely speaks to her. He was just doing what I was doing and being polite. She did annoy me though, bringing up things about my boyfriend’s house and trying to be the centre of attention. I just kept to myself until she was gone.

I know who I am, and who she is. I know my boyfriend and that he’s not stupid enough to fall for her antics. Damsels, don’t let competition control you. I know how easily it can break you down when someone tests you, but you can’t rise to it. Be yourself. Do things for yourself. Everything else will fall into place.

Anyway, we went to another club where everyone joined up. Inside the music was great and for the first time ever, I saw my boyfriend dance! He’s danced in the car, obviously, but that’s not quite the same, is it? This was real dancing. Chris Brown, Usher, Vine, YouTube and Twitter worthy! He was so good! I was so proud! He tagged in his friend too and then he did the Dougie and my god it was so cool.

The whole night they were the best dancers. I danced too but not as wild as I might have if my boyfriend wasn’t there. I love dancing but I couldn’t keep up with their prestige!

However, as it kept doing, the night went sour again. One girl went missing, and was found locked in the bathroom throwing up. As one of the only stable ones, I had to take care of her. Then, when my boyfriend and I were just enjoying a moment alone, we spotted the people we knew filtering out of the club. It was odd, so we followed. We found some outside, some missing still. No one answered their phone and so we were split. My best friend (the birthday girl)’s university friends were angry at her. One of the loud-mouth ones started to rant at me, saying my friend should have been looking after them because they don’t know the city. I was so tired and bored at this point that I was just nodding along.

Then, when the birthday girl showed up, she was angry too! So I was trying to calm her down, as she was ranting and raving about leaving her friends there. By this time, we were ready to go home. Four of us was looking for a taxi but every one we called said they were fully booked. One girl had to be up at 6 a.m. for a car boot sale so she was about ready to scream. Another kept wandering off on her own, giving me a heart attack.Whilst another was trying it on with a friend who they shouldn’t have!

But we finally got a taxi and we broke off into two groups. On the way home we had another decent taxi driver, and my boyfriend and his mate were cracking jokes. It was annoying, yes, but so funny. We reached my boyfriend’s house, made food, and snuggled up on the sofa for bed. Nice end to the night, right?

No.

I couldn’t sleep. I felt so sick. I was ready to give in and ask the lord to take me. What made it worse was not being in my own house. My boyfriend was fast asleep, snoring as nice as you like, whilst I tried not to throw up. I kept getting up and drinking water and trying to distract myself by being on the phone but nothing worked.

When the morning came, my boyfriend nursed me which was nice. We watched TV and he made me toast. Finally, I started to feel better. But I couldn’t shake the feeling of annoyance. Annoyed that this was what a night out with my friends had caused. That I couldn’t just have fun. There was a consequence. Not only that, but it was so dramatic that it didn’t seem worth it. Why do people do this? Why is this the go-to thing for people in my generation? I hate it. I hate that I’m the weird one for not wanting those trivialities in my evening. Why would someone want that all the time? I just don’t get it! After reading my post, surely you can see it clearly on this page that nights out can just be plain stupid. Don’t get me wrong, stupid is good. Stupid is funny and I did enjoy myself. But I don’t think I’ll be seeking it again soon.

Give me Netflix, popcorn and good conversation over a drunken mess any day! Alcohol, you can do one.

~ Damsel

“Crossroads” – Creative Writing Piece

I just don’t understand where the time goes. One minute you’re laidback, coasting through your days, then the next this heavy burden is thrust upon you – CHOICE. We all like the freedom of choice but sometimes we just don’t realise how very real and very overwhelming choice can be. When the reality of your situation truly hits you, presenting all the consequences of poor choice, you become lost in the suffocating depths of it. You’re anxiety heightens, making you feel hopeless in your uncertainty, your indecision. You’re confused, dizzy, disorientated as you stand spinning in all directions – alone, scared.

And you’re angry. Angry that you can’t decide, angry that no one thing calls louder than another. The yelling all around you echoes painfully in your head, the stress, the exhaustion throbbing violently, aching so much that it physically feels as though something is wrong. There has to be – the pain is too real, the thoughts too loud.

You’re out of touch with anything else, for this decision is all that seems to be in focus and yet so out of focus – so blurred in your whirlwind of apprehension. You’re disappointed with yourself; disappointed that you can’t find the answer. Searching…searching…searching… Time ticks away, running from you, rushing you to act now – right now. Are you breathing? Sleeping? Eating? Your sanity slips all because you just can’t answer the three strongest and toughest questions to conquer – What do I do? Where do I belong? Who am I meant to be?

…

But don’t worry…you’re not alone. We’ve all done it, suffered it, and I want you to find comfort in knowing that there is beauty and strength in starting over – should you choose the wrong path. It’s an adventure, not a destination, remember that.

~ Damsel

An Evening Spent in the Past

On Wednesday night, I met up with some old friends from school who I had yet to see so far this year. Firstly, I was excited to be doing something different. To be seeing some different faces to the ones I’ve become used to – my boyfriend and my family mostly. Don’t get me wrong, I do speak to my friends and see them when I can, but these are the girls. The ones I lost touch with were the boys.

And they’d grown so much! They looked like they fitted into their bodies instead of being those gangly, baby-faced, little boys I knew before.

Now, they are almost proper men!

But take that with a pinch of salt because I have more to say about that later. However, it was lovely catching up. To hear about their awards at university and the clubs they were a part of now. I did feel a little inferior in that I didn’t have as much to say about my own achievements in the last two years.

But then someone asked about my writing and I seemed to have developed verbal-diarrhea. I told them about my novel being finished and nearly being ready to publish. About my blog being new and exciting and getting me writing more often. I didn’t recognise myself. Usually, I’m the quiet one who watches the others having good conversations, adding the odd ‘ahh’ and ‘aha’ to it.

But when speaking about my writing, I was so excitable and loud and confident that it was nice. I had my audience captivated. I like it when I’m like that. It’s too rare which is a shame though.

Anyway, back to the boys. It wasn’t all sunshine and perfection. It didn’t take long for me to feel like I had slipped back into the past. And not in a particularly good way. They were still children. They were babies dressed as men. Their attitude was immature. You know this banter thing that everyone is on at the moment? Well they use this in abundance. Don’t get me wrong, I love a bit of banter myself. To joke about and playfully bully someone and vice versa.

But the “banter” wasn’t tasteful anymore. It wasn’t OK. There is two boys who are usually the target of the banter, you know, the little guys, but they were also the ones who had grown up the most. They were they ones growing and achieving and going places. So, to be back with the old gang and suddenly be demoted in the social hierarchy, it was awkward to witness. To be honest, I felt sorry for the ones who felt they had to put the others down in order to be “funny”. So, all of a sudden, I didn’t feel so rubbish about my achievements or who I am now. I had grown more than they had. Yes, I don’t have a fancy degree, or the ability to drink a thousand shots, or a club membership, or millions of interesting sexual experiences, but I had grown. I know who I am and who I want to be. I’m making things happen in my own way without being a copy-and-paste-person fresh out of uni.

I didn’t mean to offend anyone, I’m just going by what I believe in. It’s hard to be alone and an individual. It’s comforting to know you’re doing what ‘works’ and what everyone else is doing. But I can’t do that. I think it’ll be harder that way in the long run. You should consider that too, my fellow damsels. Be you. Be different. Be scared but do it anyway!

~ Damsel

Film Review of “Inside Out”, “Antman” & “Minions”

My sister and I had an awesome but long day on Saturday. Firstly, I went to work for four hours before she met me there for us to catch the bus. I haven’t been on a bus in over six months so this was rather a weird concept to me, but I survived it with minimal travel sickness (yay!) Anyway, so we decided that we would cram three films into one day at the cinema. I know what you’re thinking, that it’s super expensive to go to the cinema these days, but no. We already have Cineworld cards so we kind of needed to see so many films in order to get our money’s worth.

The films were chose were Pixar’s new film – “Inside Out”. The new superhero movie – “Antman”. And the “Minions” movie. Cast your votes now as to which film you thought was the best…I bet you’re wrong. So here we go.

The first film we saw was “Inside Out” and this was hands down, socks off, the best film out of them all. In fact, it was the best film I’ve seen in a while. Yes, it’s a ‘kids’ film but I would like to politely disagree.

If it’s meant to be a kids film, then it wouldn’t have been the adults who were laughing and crying at it. In fact, the little girl beside me kept looking at us laughing, wondering what was so funny. So, no, it is not a kid’s film, thank you very much. Anyway, so what I liked about it was that Pixar was doing their thing. They had us laughing with ease, sobbing our hearts out and routing for the characters. I instantly liked the main character Joy, voiced by my beloved Amy Poehler, because she was, well, joyful and energetic and a wise-cracking joker without even trying. My favourite was Sadness though. She was voiced by Phyllis Smith and my god did she do a good job. Sadness was so depressing but so on the mark that we (as adults who have experienced the things she spoke about) we’re in tears with laughter too.

The concept was one that blew my mind. Pixar – and a few other animation studios come to think of it – are great at making things make sense. Take Disney’s “Wreck-It Ralph”, their idea of game characters moving about after their games are turned off and travelling through the game station and the wiring is so cool that I beamed when I first watched it. With “Inside Out”, I felt that feeling only tenfold. How they made our emotions, thoughts and actions make sense by these little people in our head and an ‘Imagination Land’ and ‘Personality Islands’ made from a collection of core memories was just fantastic.

Lastly, I have to point out how real it was. Like Pixar enjoys doing, it took very real topics and made them OK for children by adding pretty colours and high-pitched voices. MINOR SPOILER ALERT!  DON’T READ THE ITALICS IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW THE PLOT! — It took growing up, changing, and sadness and made it very real by having it played out in a chaotic mess inside someone’s head. How the character Joy was lost, causing the child to be unhappy and then slowly everything went downhill from there. She even lost the ability to feel anything at all which is what can truly happen when you’re life is changing so fast and you’re losing all sight of who you once were. Some deep shit Pixar.

                 9.5/10

Next, we have “Antman”. Now, I didn’t have any expectations of this film because I hadn’t even watched the trailer. However, I loved it. It was the second best film of the day. What got me about “Antman”, I think, is that it was simpler than the other superhero, action films. Superhero films tend to overdo it with the action, trying a little too hard to impress us with grand flips and tricks and overcoming a million foes.

So what was refreshing to see was a shorter superhero film that cared more about building the characters and their relationships, whilst getting the audience to understand the cool science and theatricals about the concept, which was great. I absolutely loved the idea of the suit shrinking him down, and him teaming up with the ants. Then (SLIGHT SPOILER) with using the suit to his advantage by altering his size to suit his needs – it was just so clever!

Also, I laughed so much. The humour wasn’t forced at all and the characters were simply likeable, so much so you were 100% routing for them. Definitely, my favourite part was the science of the shrinking and incorporating it into battle. The entire visual was immense. Along with the likes of Paul Rudd’s humour, Michael Pena as a great sidekick and Corey Stoll playing an excellent villain, I thoroughly enjoyed the film.

                          8/10

Lastly, there was “Minions”. Of course, we all loved those adorable, little yellow things in “Despicable Me 1& 2″. If you didn’t, you have no soul. So, I did really want to see this film. However, I was well and truly disappointed. The beginning was awful. If I wasn’t so lazy, I might have left. It was silly and boring and the jokes were weak. Now, of course I know this was a kid’s film too but after watching “Inside Out” beforehand, it being a film predominately for children was no excuse for it being so poor.

Besides, “Despicable Me” was so brilliant that “Minions” could have been too, but no. It did pick up though. The middle got a few laughs out of me due to Bob being so adorable and Sandra Bullock doing a great job as Scarlet Overkill (the villain). Other than that, I don’t have much to say about it. Perhaps the goofy creatures only shine when in “Despicable Me” and when they aren’t the focus of the plot. It was a good idea, Illumination Entertainment, but it didn’t quite hit home.

                   5/10

So that was my awesome day of three films at the cinema in one go! It was difficult but this is proof that it can be done. They’re all a must see, but if you can’t afford them all – get your ass up and go watch “Inside Out”.  You’re welcome (tehe).

~ Damsel

The Lil’ Things

You know what we don’t do enough, ladies and gentleman? We don’t appreciate the little things in life. Yes, I’m aware that it is overly cliché of me to tell you to appreciate the small things, but it’s only cliché because it’s true. In life, you need the small things. They keep you alive. So easily can you drown in the mundane, or the pain, or the reality of life if you allow yourself, but finding and holding onto the little things can keep you afloat. Here’s some little things that I’ve appreciated lately…

On one of those partially sunny days we’ve been having where I am, my boyfriend and I took a trip down to my local park. By took a trip, I mean I forced him down there. You see, the bread at my house had gone mouldy, so, of course, I didn’t want it to go completely to waste. I jumped up like the overexcited child that I am and said “we’re gonna go feed the ducks!” My boyfriend pulled the classic “you gotta be kidding me” face, but I wasn’t taking no for an answer.

When we got there, I was a little cold from wearing a sleeveless jacket and the wind playing up. The spot I wanted to sit at was taken by this grubby man and there was far too many kids around. But once we found an alternative spot, I was a really happy young lady. We shared the bag, throwing little pieces into the water and watching the variety of ducks charge after them. I got daring, and decided to throw some pieces onto the riverbank so that the ducks would come nearer, and to my surprise, they did… nearly all of them! It was a little scary to be honest, having them suddenly surrounding me and staring after the bag in my hand.

                            

What I loved and appreciated about being there, feeding those adorable creatures, was mostly how easy it was. We laughed and were outdoors and were enjoying one another’s company, by simply throwing mouldy bread into a mouldy lake for little animals, who lived around the corner from my house. That’s it! Nothing fancy, or expensive, or elaborate. It was just me and him and the ducks. I loved the simplicity of it, the tranquillity and over all else, that I could share it with my best friend.

The next lil’ thing I found myself enjoying was playing games with my family. Now, games are a bit of a grey-area for me, as I’m overly competitive and overly sensitive. If you beat me, I will get angry and blame the world for being so hard on me. Perhaps it’s high expectations, or perhaps it’s the complete opposite and feeling like I always lose and deserve to win.

But whatever the reason, games affect me. However, when playing recently, I simply had fun. I think the other’s did too, as there was an abundance of laughter shared that evening. My boyfriend came round to my grandparent’s house for dinner for the first time, and he brought his game of ‘Deal or No Deal’ with him because I said my grandparents liked to watch the show. However, I couldn’t have anticipated such a reaction as the one we got. Everyone took part. Even my mom who is often too lazy to join in. Even my nan who is usually too engrossed in Emmerdale to partake.

It was great. We all had a go, and it was made sugar-sweet by my winning overall! My grandad became competitive, challenging my boyfriend to beat him – he didn’t, sadly he went home with 1p to his name. What was so good about it was, again, how effortless it was. It was just a game but it took us all from reality for a moment. Nothing real mattered, only playing that game. And we bonded. Haven’t you noticed how something as simple as laughter can tie people together? How we forget severity, boundaries, hierarchy or environment to instead just be in the moment and truly feel it. To feel the laughter lift us and comfort us to the point of actually soothing negativity.

The other thing I wanted to share, was my dressing up as Harry Potter. I work for Argos…no seriously, I’m not kidding. It’s a job and I quite like it in that I have cool work colleagues, and people who actually care about me. That’s hard to find in a customer service workplace, so I feel rather lucky. Anyway, to launch our new catalogue and raise money for charity, we each dressed up as a movie character. I chose the infamous Harry Potter – because of course I would.

When dressed as Harry, I got called cute a lot and I hate that. Like, I really hate it. Cute would be nice if people didn’t say it in such a condescending tone.

But I shrugged that off because I loved being Harry. I even adopted the name after my manager began calling it me. “Just go see Harry over there.” “Harry, can you give us a hand with this?” “Harry, use your magic and get these catalogues going!” It was brill! But the sad thing was – and this may cause some tears, forewarning – most people didn’t know who I was…Yes, I’m not lying.

It took a while but then I realised – old folk didn’t watch Harry Potter, and kids these days weren’t brought up with it. The Potter generation are old now. And we don’t generally shop at Argos. But the odd person did know me, and laughed at me. They said “Thanks Harry.” and “Thank you lovely Gryffindor!” and “I don’t need a catalogue, I have one back at Hogwarts.” Yes, the jokes were awful, but I loved hearing them. Awful jokes, silly costumes, shared understanding and comradery are the little things I experienced that day. It was just brilliant to be something I loved, whilst seeing how other people loved it too. To do something collectively with my colleagues and wear a smile all day just because of that robe, tie, glasses and eyeliner-makeshift-scar on my forehead.

So that’s it. The other little things I liked were things like grateful customers; the laughter of children; cooking dinner with someone else; going out for a meal with my friend; wearing a new outfit and feeling good in it; photos immortalising a moment; and writing, of course, writing.

Don’t waste your days waiting for big things to happen. Life is a series of beautiful little things that can make you feel very blessed if you allow them. Just open your eyes.

~ Damsel

“We the Animals” by Justin Torres, Book Review – young boys, life and coming of age

So “We the Animals” is a short book that I started reading because it was on a list of best short books to read in a day. And you know what, even as a poor reader, I did finish it in a day. It was gripping, entertaining, real and raw, and just so fluent that you just had the read the next chapter and the next. The chapters were short too, so you felt like you were getting through a lot.

What I liked:

I liked that it was written about young boys from the youngest brother’s perspective. It made it fun and insightful. As a girl, I’ve never been a boy…duh…so it was great to see what they do and how they interact with one another. It made great writing material for me, as I had a real look into what they do to incorporate into my characters. The things they did were absurd and crazy but I loved that.
I loved how realistic it was. It wasn’t just about boys being boys but the three brothers were from a poor family and a broken home, which added a very real feel to the story, keeping it well-balanced.
And of course, I loved the succinctness of it. If there had been more, if it had been dragged out, it wouldn’t have worked. It’s kind of like the boy really did write it too, as he wouldn’t have wrote loads realistically, right?

The bad stuff:

The ending wasn’t great. I didn’t expect it but not in a “wow, what an ending” kind of way, instead in a “WTF!” kind of way. It felt unfair to the main character, random and unnecessary. It didn’t answer the questions you wanted it too. It didn’t continue the feelings you adopted through reading the first bits. I understood that perhaps his damaged childhood had caught up to him, but still, it didn’t work for me at all.

What it taught me:

I learnt about seeing the good in the bad; laughing through the pain and what it really means to have siblings. The comradery between them can be so strong that it’s truly powerful.
That no family is perfect. That the biggest, happiest smiles can mask a very hard reality.
And lastly that life is difficult. That it has many trials and our parents go through struggles that we can’t even fathom. I appreciate my mom for doing it all alone.

Overall, I loved the book. I read it on my Kindle but would even consider owning a paperback copy to read over again when I want to be truly gripped by a book.

8/10

~ Damsel