S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 103

Siblings: Can’t Live with Them, Can’t Live Without Them

If you don’t have any siblings, or if you’ve never got along with them, then you probably won’t fully appreciate this blog post. But if you do have them, and you’re friends, get prepared to feel sucky.

I decided to write this post after dropping my older brother off at the train station so that he could go home…to his home…not OUR home.

You see, back when we were kids, my brother, my sister and myself were best friends. In fact, we still are. I tell them everything. We share stories, ask one another for advice and are pretty much interested in the same things. We fight but we always make up. That bond is unbreakable, at least that’s how it used to feel.

When we were younger, we would play in the garden or down by the lake near our house, or out with friends. We’d get dirty, hurt ourselves, play pranks and laugh until our stomachs hurt. For a time, it seemed like there wouldn’t be anything else. That this was life. That we would always have fun, feel immortal and take on the world together…

But we’re older now. My “little” sister isn’t so little anymore. My older brother feels leagues away. He moved out in October, and for a long time I didn’t want to accept it. Being the person that I am,  I got emotional and felt like I couldn’t go everyday without seeing him. But when he did leave, I got used to it faster than I thought I would. Perhaps it’s because I have things going on in my life, too, but I just accepted it.

Like I said, it was only when we dropped him off at the train station, and we just watched him walk away without a proper goodbye, that I felt a sudden sickly feeling. I sat back in my seat and all the laughter that he had brought with him suddenly slipped away. I felt empty. And so I began crying – trying to do so quietly so that my mother wouldn’t notice.

When did he stop living with us? Since when was his home in another city? How is that the norm now? How are our worlds so very different now? How did this happen?

My best friend isn’t in the other room anymore. I can’t think of a story idea or something nerdy and go across the room to tell him. We can’t sit in the same room, barely talking, but feeling better than being alone anymore.

I know what you’re thinking. If I miss him, visit. If I have something to say, call him. If only it were that simple. Think about it, those things aren’t the same. They are forced time; appointments; scheduled fun. They’re not the natural, easy-accessible love that we used to share. I have to go far and spend money to see him now. I can’t just say something stupid and then be quiet, like I could if we were in the same house, instead a phone call feels forced; like I have to keep the conversation going even when I have nothing to say.

I guess what I miss is his presence. Selfishly, I want him to just be there. There for me to see, and laugh with and love whenever I want. Yes, this is what I want and it’s sad that it’s suddenly gone. I didn’t feel prepared for it, even though we’re at that age.

He probably feels like I don’t miss him, but little does he know that I miss him everyday. With every time I’m sat alone at home. With every time I have a joke to say that only he would get. How could I not miss my best friend?

Next will be my sister. Either I’ll move out or she will. Either way, it’s the inevitable.

Siblings are raised together, then they grow apart. They spend more time together than any other relationship, and have a connection that’s unmatched – at least that was the case with mine. I’m grateful for my upbringing, and I’m so very grateful that I am such good friends with my siblings. But I do admit to the pain of this reality. The reality that our relationship will grow weaker and weaker as we continue to grow as individuals.

When we get our own homes, our own families and travel this amazing world, we’ll part. I’d never hold them back, and they would never do the same to me. We’re all ambitious people, so I know that we’ll grow so much that people will get left behind. Hopefully, I won’t become one of those people.

Love your siblings, guys. They’re so great. I know that I’ve been quite sad in this post, but of course I do understand that this is how life goes. That yes we’ll grow but we’ll always be there for one another. Hopefully you understand that, too. But the sadness I’m feeling is a good thing, for it proves that I did have a great past with them, and that I love them both so very deeply. And I always will.

~ Damsel

 

Shaken Dreams – How to Keep Motivated when Knocked Back

After meeting up with a fellow author the other day, I felt shaken…

No, no I’m not giving up on my dream of being an author, I was just simply given a reality check. And this reality hit me hard.

So what happened? Well I’ve been in touch with this woman who’s an author of several books, books of which she’s sold thousands more than I have. She wanted to finally meet up because she said that she had some marketing advice for me.

Now during our meeting I wrote and wrote everything that she said, which filled 7 pages of my notebook! It was all good stuff that I’d considered but not ventured properly or had never heard of.

However, with every new thing that she said, I found myself feeling anxious. I started to feel sick. I was overwhelmed with information and I looked at her like she’s got this…but I don’t.

Because you see, being an author isn’t about writing books. It’s way more than that. It’s a business. It takes a lot of tenacious marketing to succeed. But I’m not so sure that I’m much of a business woman.

And so now I’m terrified. I feel knocked back. I feel like no matter how many books I write and publish, I’ll never make a dent in the book world and or be able to make a living from it.

All of a sudden, my dream was shaken.

Now this is utterly awful when you’ve wanted to be an author since you were 8 years old. When you don’t want to pursue anything else.

And so I panicked. Like a good anxiety prone person, I started to worry about my future. And about what I could do. But it was all silly. It took a long talk with myself, and then my brother, and then myself again, to realise that nothing has changed. Never was I ever under the delusion that being a best selling author would come easy. I always knew that it would take a lot of hard work. The only difference now is that I’ve been given more tools that could help me make my dream a reality.

If anything, my dream should feel more attainable!! But when I’m honest with myself, and I always encourage myself to be, I was scared. I was sat there looking at a person who’s worked harder than I have and I was intimidated. And rightly so! She worked for the knowledge and position that she has.

The thing is, dreams too often are deemed unachievable. We get scared by competition, especially competitions that we’re not really a part of! And we look at all the hard work that we’ll need to do and we get scared. And so instead we run.

But I can’t run. As I said before, there’s nothing else that I want to be. I want my stories to reach people in different forms and so I must work hard to get them heard.

So, my dreams have been shaken, but so have I. Not in a bad way, in a good one. I’ve now been shaken and brought back to reality. I’ve been made to wake up and realise that I’ve got work to do! We can achieve our dreams, just as long as we have the fight inside us to get us there.

~ Damsel

Shaken Dreams

After meeting up with a fellow author the other day, I felt shaken…

No, no I’m not giving up on my dream of being an author, I was just simply given a reality check. And this reality hit me hard.

So what happened? Well I’ve been in touch with this woman who’s an author of several books, books of which she’s sold thousands more than I have. She wanted to finally meet up because she said that she had some marketing advice for me.

Now during our meeting I wrote and wrote everything that she said, which filled 7 pages of my notebook! It was all good stuff that I’d considered but not ventured properly or had never heard of.

However, with every new thing that she said, I found myself feeling anxious. I started to feel sick. I was overwhelmed with information and I looked at her like she’s got this…but I don’t.

Because you see, being an author isn’t about writing books. It’s way more than that. It’s a business. It takes a lot of tenacious marketing to succeed. But I’m not so sure that I’m much of a business woman.

And so now I’m terrified. I feel knocked back. I feel like no matter how many books I write and publish, I’ll never make a dent in the book world and or be able to make a living from it.

All of a sudden, my dream was shaken.

Now this is utterly awful when you’ve wanted to be an author since you were 8 years old. When you don’t want to pursue anything else.

And so I panicked. Like a good anxiety prone person, I started to worry about my future. And about what I could do. But it was all silly. It took a long talk with myself, and then my brother, and then myself again, to realise that nothing has changed. Never was I ever under the delusion that being a best selling author would come easy. I always knew that it would take a lot of hard work. The only difference now is that I’ve been given more tools that could help me make my dream a reality.

If anything, my dream should feel more attainable!! But when I’m honest with myself, and I always encourage myself to be, I was scared. I was sat there looking at a person who’s worked harder than I have and I was intimidated. And rightly so! She worked for the knowledge and position that she has.

The thing is, dreams too often are deemed unachievable. We get scared by competition, especially competitions that we’re not really a part of! And we look at all the hard work that we’ll need to do and we get scared. And so instead we run.

But I can’t run. As I said before, there’s nothing else that I want to be. I want my stories to reach people in different forms and so I must work hard to get them heard.

So, my dreams have been shaken, but so have I. Not in a bad way, in a good one. I’ve now been shaken and brought back to reality. I’ve been made to wake up and realise that I’ve got work to do! We can achieve our dreams, just as long as we have the fight inside us to get us there.

~ Damsel

Growing Up in Africa

Hey there readers. It’s me again, Patrick, I hope you enjoyed reading my blog post last time about trying to lead a stress free life. If you didn’t like it, too bad, I’m back again.

This time I’m here to tell you what it was like when I was a kid. 

Here we go…

If you haven’t figured it out already, I was born in Africa, in a country called Zimbabwe. I was bought into this world on 18th October in the heart of Zimbabwe, in a place called Harare. I bought up in a little town called Chitungwiza, which is not far from Harare.

I went to nursery in Harare where, believe it or not, I had like 2 white carers and 3-4 black carers (or teachers, whatever you wanna call them lol). During my young age and at nursery, I was a very mischievous kid. I went areas I weren’t supposed to, pushed the boundaries on things I shouldn’t do to see if anyone noticed or if I could get away with it. I forgot to mention me and my best friend, who came to the UK before me and lives in London, went to nursery and did everything together.

So it weren’t just me, it was him also encouraging our bad behaviour, lol. We both had our ‘first loves’ and we practically were, oops sorry, we were the coolest in that nursery.

We were really close because our dads worked together, so there were times when my dad worked long so his dad picked us both up from nursery and vice versa. I remember there was a time when we went to like a theme park and we both made moves on our girlfriends, the way we walked away was a thug life moment.

Away from my nursery shinanigans, I had even more mischievous moments at home. Once again with my naughty moments, I had a partner in crime and this time it was with my next door neighbour because we were near enough the same age. Because he was a couple years older than me, he knew what to do and get away with it and he taught me these little tricks. Like we used to walk far far away from home than we were supposed to. Like the one vivid memory I remember is walking all the way to a waterfall place where at the bottom was a nice, clear, non toxic lake. We dove right in with our shorts on – it was like a lovely summer movie like fun together. 

Because my friend had money with him, he bought us bottles of coke to drink on the walk home; it was one of my best highlights as a kid.

So guess what, you can be an idiot and test your parents no matter what country you grow up in! Except my fun was even better!

If you wanna know more, and believe me I have a lot more to tell, just like this post and wait like everybody else aha. 

It’s time I say goodbye. Goodbye. 

~ Patrick

“What am I Doing Here?” – Questioning Yourself and Who You Want to Be

Ever had that awful feeling of “what am I doing here?” Have you ever just taken yourself out of your body, and shook your head at what you found yourself doing?

Well I had that feeling today. I know that I promised to give more positive posts about life, but I have to say that I’m feeling a whole new level of lost lately. When I was sitting in this chair, surrounded by all the wrong people, telling me all the things I never wanted to hear again, I felt angry. Really angry. And then when I got home, I cried.

In life there are a lot of “what am I doing” moments, where we question our actions. It might be after a questionable one-night stand.  It might be after agreeing to help someone do something that you shouldn’t. Or, like me, it can be from your entire life. By reflecting on who you are right now, in contrast to who you thought you’d be.

For years, I’ve been an academic. Everyone thought such great things about me, and thought that I’d go far. I’d of course get a degree, a good job, and be very successful. They probably thought I’d stay on that path, and so did I.

But I’m not. I’m on a completely different path now. A wonky one. An unstable one – scarily unstable. It’s funny, though, because in the same day someone said something to me that I didn’t think I’d hear right now. He said, “wow you really know what you’re doing with your life!”

Wait what? Are you talking about me? Are you serious?

This completely baffled me and I actually laughed really loud for a good while. Because, as you know, I have no f*cking idea what I’m doing. And that’s when I thought, it’s all about perspective. It’s all about what people see from us. Over social media, he only sees the fact that I’m publishing books and doing blog posts. He doesn’t see me getting upset, looking for jobs, working part time and not making a lot of money. He doesn’t know that I have lots of options to pursue, but no idea how to pursue them or which ones to try first. He doesn’t know how scared I am.

But neither do we know all that stuff from other people, do we? We love to compare ourselves to others, often feeling crap about ourselves because of it, but that’s ridiculous. We don’t see the ugly stuff, because no one shares the ugly stuff…

So yes, I had a moment of questioning how I’m here right now. Why I allowed it to happen. And that it feels crap. But I’m not alone. I’m not a freak. A lot of people my age are probably feeling the same way. They’re lost too.

I know I need a life coach! Someone who could tell me, “OK so this is what you should do, and we’ll go from there”. But sadly, I don’t. Instead, I just need to make money whilst I test some waters and of course try to get my writing noticed. That is my plan, so I have more of a plan than I actually thought…right?!

So “what am I doing here?”, well I’m struggling uphill to reach the top of the mountain. I’m swimming against the current to reach the open lake. All those who succeed, must first struggle. “Not all those who wander are lost” and I think I finally understand that now. I may be wandering, drifting, but in truth, maybe I’m not so lost. And you might not be either. Let’s stick with it!

~ Damsel

“What am I Doing Here?”

Ever had that awful feeling of “what am I doing here?” Have you ever just taken yourself out of your body, and shook your head at what you found yourself doing?

Well I had that feeling today. I know that I promised to give more positive posts about life, but I have to say that I’m feeling a whole new level of lost lately. When I was sitting in this chair, surrounded by all the wrong people, telling me all the things I never wanted to hear again, I felt angry. Really angry. And then when I got home, I cried.

In life there are a lot of “what am I doing” moments, where we question our actions. It might be after a questionable one-night stand.  It might be after agreeing to help someone do something that you shouldn’t. Or, like me, it can be from your entire life. By reflecting on who you are right now, in contrast to who you thought you’d be.

For years, I’ve been an academic. Everyone thought such great things about me, and thought that I’d go far. I’d of course get a degree, a good job, and be very successful. They probably thought I’d stay on that path, and so did I.

But I’m not. I’m on a completely different path now. A wonky one. An unstable one – scarily unstable. It’s funny, though, because in the same day someone said something to me that I didn’t think I’d hear right now. He said, “wow you really know what you’re doing with your life!”

Wait what? Are you talking about me? Are you serious?

This completely baffled me and I actually laughed really loud for a good while. Because, as you know, I have no f*cking idea what I’m doing. And that’s when I thought, it’s all about perspective. It’s all about what people see from us. Over social media, he only sees the fact that I’m publishing books and doing blog posts. He doesn’t see me getting upset, looking for jobs, working part time and not making a lot of money. He doesn’t know that I have lots of options to pursue, but no idea how to pursue them or which ones to try first. He doesn’t know how scared I am.

But neither do we know all that stuff from other people, do we? We love to compare ourselves to others, often feeling crap about ourselves because of it, but that’s ridiculous. We don’t see the ugly stuff, because no one shares the ugly stuff…

So yes, I had a moment of questioning how I’m here right now. Why I allowed it to happen. And that it feels crap. But I’m not alone. I’m not a freak. A lot of people my age are probably feeling the same way. They’re lost too.

I know I need a life coach! Someone who could tell me, “OK so this is what you should do, and we’ll go from there”. But sadly, I don’t. Instead, I just need to make money whilst I test some waters and of course try to get my writing noticed. That is my plan, so I have more of a plan than I actually thought…right?!

So “what am I doing here?”, well I’m struggling uphill to reach the top of the mountain. I’m swimming against the current to reach the open lake. All those who succeed, must first struggle. “Not all those who wander are lost” and I think I finally understand that now. I may be wandering, drifting, but in truth, maybe I’m not so lost. And you might not be either. Let’s stick with it!

~ Damsel

Anniversaries – From the inside point of view

So my anniversary is tomorrow, it’s been a year since Patrick and I became an official couple. Now I’ve been really excited and emotional about it. I’ve made so many plans, and tried really hard to make it special and look special, until my mother scoffed at my efforts…

She said, and implied, that I was being over the top because it’s just one year. It’s not a long amount of time and it’s not like we’re married. I get it, I do. This kind of thinking would have been mine too if I wasn’t in the relationship. But I am. This is my relationship. It’s not that we’ve been together for a year, it’s a lot more than that for me.

It’s the fact that for the first time ever, someone has loved me – in my entirety. This is the first time that I’ve had a relationship and done all the things that go along with it. I won’t divulge all that my relationship means to me, but my anniversary is a representation of that. That someone has committed themselves to me over a year; that they have dedicated a lot of time to our relationship. That someone has stuck by me despite my personal issues, and despite the small strains that we’ve been through. That is what means a lot to me. And all this has been with an amazing man, who isn’t perfect; an amazing man who recognises that I’m not perfect, either, and yet we help each other, instead of blame or hurt one another.

So we can laugh all we like about those people who take small anniversaries so seriously, but you have no idea what it means to them. Their relationship does not involve you, and rightly so, therefore you couldn’t understand the depth of it or trials that they’ve been through. In your marriage, you might not have gone through as much as they have in a short relationship – you just never know.

For me, this is my first milestone in a real relationship. The first time I’ve completely exposed myself and not felt ashamed. This is huge for me. I’m going to celebrate and thank my boyfriend for all that he’s done for me. No, not showering me with gifts across the year. No, not taking trips with me. No, not loving me and kissing me and being romantic. But for all the ugly stuff, the hard stuff, the patience and the truth. For the support, the thoughtful ideas, doing what he never thought he could and for choosing me. I love him for that, and our celebration represents that.

So don’t judge other people, especially not their relationships – unless they’re one of those people to tells anyone and everyone about their relationship. I’ve learnt that by finally having my own relationship. It’s opened my eyes. It’s shown my things I didn’t know. I’ve felt things that I’ve never felt. I’ve grown in this relationship, and this has been the best year of my life. Call me naive all you like, but I hope this lasts forever, and I believe that it can.

My mask is completely off with this person, and that, if nothing else, is worth a hell of a lot. Thank you Patrick xxx

~ Damsel

Anniversaries – From the inside

So my anniversary is tomorrow, it’s been a year since Patrick and I became an official couple. Now I’ve been really excited and emotional about it. I’ve made so many plans, and tried really hard to make it special and look special, until my mother scoffed at my efforts…

She said, and implied, that I was being over the top because it’s just one year. It’s not a long amount of time and it’s not like we’re married. I get it, I do. This kind of thinking would have been mine too if I wasn’t in the relationship. But I am. This is my relationship. It’s not that we’ve been together for a year, it’s a lot more than that for me.

It’s the fact that for the first time ever, someone has loved me – in my entirety. This is the first time that I’ve had a relationship and done all the things that go along with it. I won’t divulge all that my relationship means to me, but my anniversary is a representation of that. That someone has committed themselves to me over a year; that they have dedicated a lot of time to our relationship. That someone has stuck by me despite my personal issues, and despite the small strains that we’ve been through. That is what means a lot to me. And all this has been with an amazing man, who isn’t perfect; an amazing man who recognises that I’m not perfect, either, and yet we help each other, instead of blame or hurt one another.

So we can laugh all we like about those people who take small anniversaries so seriously, but you have no idea what it means to them. Their relationship does not involve you, and rightly so, therefore you couldn’t understand the depth of it or trials that they’ve been through. In your marriage, you might not have gone through as much as they have in a short relationship – you just never know.

For me, this is my first milestone in a real relationship. The first time I’ve completely exposed myself and not felt ashamed. This is huge for me. I’m going to celebrate and thank my boyfriend for all that he’s done for me. No, not showering me with gifts across the year. No, not taking trips with me. No, not loving me and kissing me and being romantic. But for all the ugly stuff, the hard stuff, the patience and the truth. For the support, the thoughtful ideas, doing what he never thought he could and for choosing me. I love him for that, and our celebration represents that.

So don’t judge other people, especially not their relationships – unless they’re one of those people to tells anyone and everyone about their relationship. I’ve learnt that by finally having my own relationship. It’s opened my eyes. It’s shown my things I didn’t know. I’ve felt things that I’ve never felt. I’ve grown in this relationship, and this has been the best year of my life. Call me naive all you like, but I hope this lasts forever, and I believe that it can.

My mask is completely off with this person, and that, if nothing else, is worth a hell of a lot. Thank you Patrick xxx

~ Damsel

“Youngen” – Our Perception of Time Needs to Change; and Maybe We’ll be More Productive & Happier

I don’t know if you’re British like I am, but here in England we sometimes use the phrase “youngen” to describe someone who’s young, typically under 18 years old. Today, this phrase was used on me. At work, I was serving a customer and he said, “Hiya, youngen”. Then later on, in the street, a lady said to me “thanks, kid.” Now, I am over twenty years old, so to be called a youngen and a kid, seems quite odd to me. I’m not a kid…

But then again, I am though, aren’t I? At least to some people. I’ve only lived twenty years, I’m not old. I’m still learning what life is. To me, I only feel old when I consider the fact that I’ve been out of college for two years and that I’m not in education anymore. That I have to pay rent and organise my life now.

Except, that doesn’t mean squat! What do those things matter? I’m still fresh out of nappies! Still wobbling about through life with no clue what’s going on, like a kid does! The problem with our world is time and labels.

If I told you that it’s 7pm, what would you think? “It’s late. It’s the end of the day. Time for dinner. Might as well get in my PJs for bed.” Right? Well that’s because time and labels told you that, not because it’s fact. If there was no clocks, or calendars, we wouldn’t be so bothered about what we do and when. We wouldn’t be like, “oh sh*t it’s 7pm and I’ve done nothing of value today”, we’d instead be like “you know what, I fancy writing a blog post, so I’m going to do that now…”

See where I’m going with this? I think that it is our perception of time that messes us up. We don’t do things because it’s too late, or it’s considered wrong, or because we don’t have enough time. But time is relative. There’s just now. NOW doesn’t need any other label apart from NOW. When will I do such-and-such? NOW! What’s the best time? NOW! Obviously, there is a need for time labels. We have to work and go to school and catch showings at the cinema, but in other areas, we shouldn’t focus so much on what time means to us as imposed upon us by the Romans and such. Instead just do what we want and what feels right.

The same works for age, I believe. I got scared about turning twenty, because I felt like my youth was gone. I’m not young. I can’t be silly. I can’t be a kid anymore. But that’s also not the case. It is the label that makes me feels that way, not reality. Because in reality, I’m plenty silly when the time calls for it. I have responsibilities, but I’m also lucky enough to still have my mother to help me out! I’m still young. If we didn’t label our ages, would things be different? Hell yeah!

Do you think you’d cry about being thirty if you didn’t know you were thirty? Say we didn’t record our birthdays, and therefore we didn’t know how old we was. When it came to turning thirty, but we didn’t know it, we would just carry on as normal, wouldn’t we? We’d do what we want, when we want. We’d only feel saddened by “being old now”, when our bodies begin to lose certain functions, by which time we’re more likely to be forty-fifty-sixty, as long as we’re not highly unhealthy.

This was just some food for thought. Time is such a grand concept that we will probably never truly get our heads around it, but I for one would like to try and concentrate less on time. Try not to go to bed at eleven because it’s night time, but instead go to bed when I’m tired. To not get up because it’s morning, but get up because I want to do such-and-such (or have work!) To not think “oh I can’t do that right now, it’s late”, but just do it instead! And most importantly, to just go with the flow of life rather than worrying that time is passing me by and I’m getting older. If we allow ourselves to concentrate on time too much, we’ll lose it. Remember, time is relative. That’s why Summers feel so short, and Winters feel so long.

~ Damsel

“Youngen” – Our Perception of Time

I don’t know if you’re British like I am, but here in England we sometimes use the phrase “youngen” to describe someone who’s young, typically under 18 years old. Today, this phrase was used on me. At work, I was serving a customer and he said, “Hiya, youngen”. Then later on, in the street, a lady said to me “thanks, kid.” Now, I am over twenty years old, so to be called a youngen and a kid, seems quite odd to me. I’m not a kid…

But then again, I am though, aren’t I? At least to some people. I’ve only lived twenty years, I’m not old. I’m still learning what life is. To me, I only feel old when I consider the fact that I’ve been out of college for two years and that I’m not in education anymore. That I have to pay rent and organise my life now.

Except, that doesn’t mean squat! What do those things matter? I’m still fresh out of nappies! Still wobbling about through life with no clue what’s going on, like a kid does! The problem with our world is time and labels.

If I told you that it’s 7pm, what would you think? “It’s late. It’s the end of the day. Time for dinner. Might as well get in my PJs for bed.” Right? Well that’s because time and labels told you that, not because it’s fact. If there was no clocks, or calendars, we wouldn’t be so bothered about what we do and when. We wouldn’t be like, “oh sh*t it’s 7pm and I’ve done nothing of value today”, we’d instead be like “you know what, I fancy writing a blog post, so I’m going to do that now…”

See where I’m going with this? I think that it is our perception of time that messes us up. We don’t do things because it’s too late, or it’s considered wrong, or because we don’t have enough time. But time is relative. There’s just now. NOW doesn’t need any other label apart from NOW. When will I do such-and-such? NOW! What’s the best time? NOW! Obviously, there is a need for time labels. We have to work and go to school and catch showings at the cinema, but in other areas, we shouldn’t focus so much on what time means to us as imposed upon us by the Romans and such. Instead just do what we want and what feels right.

The same works for age, I believe. I got scared about turning twenty, because I felt like my youth was gone. I’m not young. I can’t be silly. I can’t be a kid anymore. But that’s also not the case. It is the label that makes me feels that way, not reality. Because in reality, I’m plenty silly when the time calls for it. I have responsibilities, but I’m also lucky enough to still have my mother to help me out! I’m still young. If we didn’t label our ages, would things be different? Hell yeah!

Do you think you’d cry about being thirty if you didn’t know you were thirty? Say we didn’t record our birthdays, and therefore we didn’t know how old we was. When it came to turning thirty, but we didn’t know it, we would just carry on as normal, wouldn’t we? We’d do what we want, when we want. We’d only feel saddened by “being old now”, when our bodies begin to lose certain functions, by which time we’re more likely to be forty-fifty-sixty, as long as we’re not highly unhealthy.

This was just some food for thought. Time is such a grand concept that we will probably never truly get our heads around it, but I for one would like to try and concentrate less on time. Try not to go to bed at eleven because it’s night time, but instead go to bed when I’m tired. To not get up because it’s morning, but get up because I want to do such-and-such (or have work!) To not think “oh I can’t do that right now, it’s late”, but just do it instead! And most importantly, to just go with the flow of life rather than worrying that time is passing me by and I’m getting older. If we allow ourselves to concentrate on time too much, we’ll lose it. Remember, time is relative. That’s why Summers feel so short, and Winters feel so long.

~ Damsel