S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 2

Thirty and Thriving

I have been 30 now for a month, and what a month it has been! I have to say, being 30 isn’t looking so bad! What was everyone warning me about?

Of course, I jest. I know a month isn’t a reflection of what can happen in a year or ten of my 30s decade, but I wanted to do this post to express my sincere gratitude for all that I have felt these first 30 days being 30.

You see, I progressed a lot in April. With some concrete steps in side projects and my novels and my general confidence and direction. I feel more spiritually aligned with myself. Happier yoga asana sessions. Meditations and pranayama. More enjoyable reading. Better conversations. Better outfits. Lovely trips and time in nature.

I am now a butterfly flying from my chrysalis, no longer tethered to the earth, wriggling to survive. I am defying gravity…

Everything has flowed naturally. Worked out fluidly and gently. I haven’t had to force and hustle and stress. Everything has fallen into place.

This post is manifold. On the one hand, it’s a call to action for me. For me to be reminded of what works and what doesn’t so that I can maintain as much of this serendipitous energy. On the other, it’s a gratitude post, as I said. Then another, it’s a manifestation. A declaration of what’s to come. I’m recognising the blessings I’ve had so far and declaring that more is on its way in this wonderful decade of my life.

I welcome positive change. I welcome blessings. I welcome progression and challenges to make a better life. I welcome what the universe has in store for me, for I know a higher power is at play, knowing things I don’t.

I must trust. I must breathe. I must flow.

Starting my 30s on the “right foot” has been important to me. And I feel I’ve done just that. Who knows what else is in store for me but I know that I am capable and powerful. I know I can make a very good life for myself and my family.

Here’s to thriving in my 30s, not my 20s. Online, it looks like every 20-something is a self-made millionaire with a business/ passive income and has a lovely house etc. I didn’t achieve that. That’s okay. I’m still on my journey. But I was very successful in my 20s in a different way. I successfully learned what I needed to learn to be the woman I am today. My 20s were the laying of my foundation. My 30s is where I build.

My 30s is my becoming…

I’m sorry I haven’t posted much lately – I guess I’ve been busy living instead of telling others how to! Thank you for being a reader all these years. I hope to do a post at least once a month. We’ll see. I will just let things flow naturally…

Today also marks the anniversary of my dad’s passing. 23 years… He never saw me turn 30. Never saw my brother turn 30. Will never see my sister turn 30. He was only 40 when he died. That’s 10 years from now for me. I can’t fathom it. I work with people younger than 23, how could I have lived without a dad for their whole lifetime? The numbers don’t compute. And that’s grief, right? Things don’t make sense. There’s just a gap. A space. Questions and confusion and pain and anger and strangely some laughter and nostalgia and pondering the future. It’s everything, and that’s why it’s painful.

Just anyway, dad, I’m thirty and your daughter is thriving so far. I hope I’m doing you proud. Mom has had my back the whole way, so I’m in safe hands.

Sincerely,

S. xx

Birthday Reflection: Season 30, Episode 1

I’m turning 30 in a few days and I’m told to feel scared. Told it means something. This number with a 3 at the front is a whole new terrain for me. A new season of life. A gravitational shift; a tilt in my axis. Will the sun shine brighter from this angle, or will I be left in shadow?

There’s only one way to find out.

Since taking antidepressants, I’ve calmed the storm of my mind. Suddenly, turning 30 didn’t mean as much to me. I welcomed it. Joked about it. Realised my 20s were done and thank god for that because it was hard for me. Not a playground of experience and confidence building, instead trial and error and error and error and pain and frustration and anxiety and… and…

No, I’m glad that season is over. Time for new character arcs and plot lines and settings. New magic and politics and full HD colour. I’m ready for a fresh start. I’m aching for it.

I’ve learned a lot in my 20s though, and I’m grateful for every moment. Some of my peers born in 1994/1995 weren’t afforded the same luxury.

I’ve learned to wear my pain and my shame on the sleeve of my shirt to let others take a look. Let others compare their pain to mine. Let others say, “hey, me too.”

I’ve learned that there’s no one I need to impress because no one is wasting their time sitting around thinking about how well I’m doing in life. They’ve no time for all that when there’s too much self-dissection to be doing.

I’ve learned that I like dresses and skirts and boots and trainers and blazers with hoodies underneath and long jackets and leather and quirky earrings.

I’ve learned that it’s okay to tend to your needs. There are no awards for struggling more than you need to.

I’ve learned that I’m average. I’m not special. I am good at some things but average or bad at most others and that’s okay. It’s good enough to try. It’s good enough to be good at a handful of things.

I’ve learned that I’m capable of more than I thought. That I can make my dreams come true. That my mind has always been my biggest limit.

I’ve learned that I’m funny and people like me and I have interesting things to say and people want to hear me say them.

I’ve learned which foods and people agree with me and which don’t. What needn’t take up a big portion of my time and energy. That feeling good with the right food and people and places is way better in the long run than wasting time and money on the wrong things.

I’m sure I could sit and list a plethora of things I’ve learned, some funny (like how to embarrass myself in Japan by saying konnichiwa instead of Arigatou after receiving my food), some profound (like cherishing the moments with loved ones before you lose them/your relationship with them), but I’ll stop here. My reflections are for my journal.

Let’s just say I’ve grown, and that’s a decade well-spent.

Do I now go ahead and write a 40 before 40 list? No, I think not.

Do I now give up on dreams and goals set in my 20s? Absolutely not.

Do I now rush and panic about arbitrary societal norms and expectations of one’s 30s? Let’s not go there again.

What I want for episode 1 of this season is a greater sense of peace. An acceptance of this new milestone. A gratitude for the lessons learned. To walk with confidence and experience into this decade, shoulders squared, chest puffed out, garbed in armour and ready.

Or better yet, wearing a flowery springtime dress, barefoot dancing in the meadow of this decade knowing everything is as it should be. There are no fights to be fought; no battles to be won.

I am free. I am safe. I am enough.

Season 30, what have you in store for me? Hmm? More growth, I’m sure. More bravery, I hope. More blessings, I pray.

Sincerely,

S. xx

Intentions for 2025 – What Now?

2024 was such a weird year for me. It felt cut into pieces. I spent the first half panicking about my dream trip to Japan. Then I had an amazing trip in Japan right at the middle of the year. Then family members got sick. I mourned Japan. I felt angry that I wasn’t happy and changed after such a trip. I overdid it with my goals so summer was stressful instead of productive and relaxing. Then the last half I went on medication for my mental health and my writing went really well and everything felt a lot less heavy. I felt like me again. I was productive and happy and more relaxed.

But that’s just the thing: a year is a long time. It’s silly to brand a year as good or bad because every year for every one of us will be filled with moments of both. That’s the point. That’s life. There’s plenty of small things that I have forgotten that meant a great deal to me at the time. And those things are more important. The little slices of life that keep us going or challenge us and we come out stronger – even without noticing it.

I don’t have lofty goals or dreams for 2025. I mean, I kind of do, but nothing that feels crazy. I’m going into this year with two completed drafts of novels that I will hopefully read through, edit and make better. Then, I might be in a position to finally pursue publishing again. We’ll see. I have two ideas for other novels, too. Exciting times for my writing career.

Next year, I’m turning 30. This is a big deal for women especially. Our biological clock, as it were, is ticking. If I want children, I need to decide sooner rather than later. As a married woman, the pressure is tenfold. However, I’m okay with 30 aside from this external pressure. I’m going into my 30s the fittest I’ve ever been. My mental health is better than it’s been. My relationships are great. My writing career is on the up. I have prospects. I’ve been to my top travel destination. I know who I am: a reader, writer, yogi, compassionate, fair, honest, creative, daring, hilarious, film-lover, nerd, introvert, cackle laugher, preppy-meets-sporty dresser, springtime and autumn lover. This is great. I wished for this and I have it.

What a privileged place to be in going into the next decade of my life!

So no, I don’t feel the need to go crazy this coming year. In fact, having finished a novel of 75,000 words only two days ago, I’m ready to relax in January! Read lots and do lots of yoga and meet up with people for cosy intimate time.

My goals can wait while I refill my cup in January.

My motto/theme for 2025 is “Good Enough”. This works on a few levels. It is an anti-perfectionist statement. It is an anti-hustle culture statement. It’s a statement of self-compassion.

It means that I stop looking for better, more or different. I makes me appreciate what I have and who I am. It’s about gratitude and awareness for the things I’ve already worked so hard to get. I’m so lucky. I often think I’m not but I am. I have a home. I have an amazing husband and pup. I have books to read whenever I want, endless things to watch and food in my kitchen. I can go out for dinner or order in. I have more clothes than I’ll probably wear. I have Internet so I can speak to all you lovely people whenever I want. I’ve been to my top travel destinations. I have family around me and a tight support system. I have access to free healthcare. I have Saturday morning park runs to make me feel motivated and mighty. I have a warm bed and hot beverages. I have my writing to self-express and feel like I have something to say.

If all that isn’t good enough, I don’t think anything ever will be.

I’ve built the foundations for what I want my life to look like when I’m 40. Now, all I have to do is keep going. Trust that I’ve already made the right decisions and worked hard and now, I need to appreciate where I am as I work to where I want to be in ten years time.

Because again, a massive lesson I keep learning is that things take time. They take way longer than you expect. Especially if it’s a writing career! I need to be happy and content now, not at some arbitrary later date when certain criteria is fulfilled. I’ll be happy when I own a nice house in a nicer neighbourhood. I’ll be happy when I can run a 5km in under 30 mins. I’ll be happy when I’ve cut out sugar. I’ll be happy when I am a full time author. I’ll be happy when I can master advanced yoga poses. I’ll be happy when I have 1,000 subscribers. I’ll be happy when I have… when I am…

It goes on and on and on if we’re not careful, and happiness never comes.

So yes, 2025 is about embracing Good Enough! I am good enough. What I have is good enough. What I do and how I do it is good enough.

Thanks for reading this past year. As always, I’m so grateful for your time. You are good enough. 2025 will be good enough.

Sincerely,

S. xx

2024 Wrapped – stats, achievements, lessons, books, films and more

Best TV shows we’ve watched: The Devil’s Hour, Silo, Physical 100

Best films at the cinema: Wild Robot and Back to Black

Best streamed films: Puss in Boots The Last Wish, Kneecap

Best fiction books read: The Shadow Cabinet, The Maidens

Best non-fiction: 101 Essays to Change the Way You Think, Personality Isn’t Permanent, The Tao of Pooh

Best audiobook: Dandelion Wine by Ray Bradbury

Favourite genre read: Dark Academia and Dark Lit

Number of books read: 52 (of which 19 were audiobooks)

Number of novels written: 2 (both finished at the end of the year, sept-dec)

Number of words written: >200,000 (110,000 written in the last 4 months on my two completed novels)

Number of park runs completed: 15 (started in August)

5km running stats: PB of 31:23 mins shaving off more than 5 minutes from previous times

Greatest achievements: Japan trip in May-June, 323 days of Japanese on Duolingo, completing two novel drafts at the end of the year

Favourite moments: singing a Japanese song in a Japanese Studio Ghibli store in Japan!

Visiting my sister for a sister day in spring, charity shop shopping, book shopping and coffee shop chatting

Watching Physical 100 with my husband and trying out the moves at home!

Greatest lessons: Check your expectations of yourself, situations/events, and others and what they expect of you (state and ask)

Careful of extremes – balance and strategy is important

Authenticity in my creativity, letting the characters speak, and not forcing it

I can only be me, don’t exhaust yourself thinking you have it worse than others

Careful with spending money on cheap, second hand things – it’s still wasted money if you didn’t need it!

What I’m leaving behind: Being afraid that people won’t like me/ people pleasing.

Fear that I can’t do hard things because I absolutely can and do!

What I’m embracing: Being on medication/asking for help

Did I achieve my 2024 intention of “play”? At the end of the year, somewhat, yes! But I need to bring it into 2025 for sure

Black History Month: Book Recommendations from Black Authors

Books I’ve read by black authors that I enjoyed: Ring Shout (current read, very interesting so far) – horror, fantasy, historical We Need New Names – set in Zimbabwe The Secret Lives of Church Girls – short stories, spicy, Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry – literary, historical fiction Hello Mum – contemporary Dear Martin – contemporary Ghost Boys – fantasy, children’s Why I No Longer Talk to White People About Race – non fiction White Smoke – horror, thriller, tense I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings – based on Maya Angelou’s real life Skin of the Sea – fantasy, black mermaids! Queenie – contemporary black experiences without being all about racism Blonde Roots – a world where being black means privilege and white people were enslaved Natives – non fiction A Blade so Black – fantasy, action Passing – about women of colour who can pass as white If You Read This – children’s, fun The Girl with the Louding Voice – literary and powerful I Can’t Make This Up – Kevin Hart

Books I own but haven’t got to yet: Chain-Gang All-Stars – dystopian, satire, literary How to Argue with a Racist – non fiction Black and British – non fiction The Only Good Indians – horror, thriller The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store (started it, well written but not gripping me) Glory – literary, inventive, Zimbabwean author Twin Ambitions – Mo Farah’s autobiography The Bread the Devil Knead – literary The Fifth Season – fantasy Girl, Woman, Other – literary, short stories The Vanishing Half – literary Soul Tourists – literary We Were Eight Years in Power – non fiction Their Eyes Were Watching God – historical, literary Long Walk to Freedom – non fiction, Nelson Mandela Slay in Your Lane – non fiction The Help – historical fiction Becoming – Michelle Obama’s autobiography The Space Between Worlds – sci fi, dystopian

Happy reading and let me know if you have any recommendations for me!

Sincerely,

S. xx

Black History Month: Book Recommendations by Black Authors

Books I’ve read by black authors that I enjoyed: Ring Shout (current read, very interesting so far) – horror, fantasy, historical We Need New Names – set in Zimbabwe The Secret Lives of Church Girls – short stories, spicy, Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry – literary, historical fiction Hello Mum – contemporary Dear Martin – contemporary Ghost Boys – fantasy, children’s Why I No Longer Talk to White People About Race – non fiction White Smoke – horror, thriller, tense I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings – based on Maya Angelou’s real life Skin of the Sea – fantasy, black mermaids! Queenie – contemporary black experiences without being all about racism Blonde Roots – a world where being black means privilege and white people were enslaved Natives – non fiction A Blade so Black – fantasy, action Passing – about women of colour who can pass as white If You Read This – children’s, fun The Girl with the Louding Voice – literary and powerful I Can’t Make This Up – Kevin Hart

Books I own but haven’t got to yet: Chain-Gang All-Stars – dystopian, satire, literary How to Argue with a Racist – non fiction Black and British – non fiction The Only Good Indians – horror, thriller The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store (started it, well written but not gripping me) Glory – literary, inventive, Zimbabwean author Twin Ambitions – Mo Farah’s autobiography The Bread the Devil Knead – literary The Fifth Season – fantasy Girl, Woman, Other – literary, short stories The Vanishing Half – literary Soul Tourists – literary We Were Eight Years in Power – non fiction Their Eyes Were Watching God – historical, literary Long Walk to Freedom – non fiction, Nelson Mandela Slay in Your Lane – non fiction The Help – historical fiction Becoming – Michelle Obama’s autobiography The Space Between Worlds – sci fi, dystopian

Happy reading and let me know if you have any recommendations for me!

Sincerely,

S. xx

The problem with school holidays

Firstly, I accidentally broke my daily streak! When I realised this morning, I felt upset. But how can I be? I worked hard and showed up to write something everyday for 41 days in a row. That’s amazing. To get to 30 is great, to get to 40 is fantastic. I also couldn’t manage the park run yesterday. The early morning with my mom and then the not sleeping in general; the pain from my workouts, it was too much. But again, that’s okay. I’ve still started this habit. Still have 4 park runs in a row that I completed. I need to take the wins, not focus on the details and only see losses.

Secondly, I am grateful for the summer break. This post may sound like I’m not, but I am! Every holiday we get as support staff in a school is amazing. It helps with work life balance. It means that no matter how hard I’m finding things, there will always be a 1-2 week break to ease the stress every 6-7 weeks on average. That’s important. I’m so grateful for that and what it brings to my life.

However, let’s get to this post. The problem is that no one talks about how hard it is for some of us to go back to work/ school after the break. People who don’t love their job, neurodivergent people, and people with anxiety are just a few who will struggle with the transition.

Obviously, as someone who works in the SEND department, I know all about the effect of routine and change on children with autism especially, but they aren’t the only individuals who struggle with this. The holiday presents you with this freedom. This taste of how things could be if you didn’t have to work everyday. And then, it’s suddenly taken away. September is a difficult month. The first term back is a battle. You’re all getting back to routine, used to a new timetable, testing the students for new year data, and adjusting to the change of perhaps slow calm days to the loud fast-paced environment of the school.

It’s a lot.

I’m nervous about going back tomorrow. I know there will be a churning in my belly, a beat in my chest on Monday morning. I will likely feel overwhelmed by all there “how was your summer?” questions, feeling the need to dredge up what I’ve done and how it felt. For most people, I’ll just lie or sugarcoat, like we do as a society “ah yeah it was good thank you, and yours?” rather than getting into the details. But I won’t lie to those who I do know well. I’ll tell them I burned out. I’ll tell them I enjoyed it at times, but also resent the fact that I stressed myself out in the summer instead of resting as a priority.

Lesson learned.

Anyway, I wouldn’t give up the holidays. I still love and need them, I’m just saying if you’re jealous of those who work in schools with so much time off, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows for us. Especially teachers, they work a lot during the breaks. But even for me, support staff, it’s hard to adjust back. You have time off so it’s like, “yes, time to get things done for myself and my goals” but then your body is crying out for your break to be just that, a break. A lot of the time during half term breaks, I actually get ill. It’s my body’s adrenaline and energy finally relaxing and then once the defences are down, the sickness strikes. And then you don’t enjoy the time off, because you’re not well!

Not to mention, come to think of it, that during the holidays you aren’t exposed to as many illnesses but then going back to school, you suddenly pass by hundreds of people in one day and now your body is overloaded. The sicknesses you get from schools is horrendous!

Being an introvert, I get drained easily from the environment of a school and refilled by the breaks. September-October being the longest term is difficult for someone like me who needs her space.

Lastly, I want to circle back to gratitude. I don’t want to end on a negative. It’s a fact, adjusting to going back will be hard tomorrow, but I do have a bit of a plan to ease the stress. So, let’s end with what I’m grateful for:

The time I’ve been afforded to explore myself and my artMy mom’s plane landing safely and she’s okayMy husband helping me out Fresh starts Weekends Energetic, loving dogs Good food Games, books and tv shows to relax Gentle yoga for when you’re injured but want to move Fresh morning airOpportunities for writers becoming more prevalent, helping our work to be seen Diverse entertainment reminding me that there are no rules in creative storytelling Good memories shared New flowers to start the week Immigration and diverse communities (as their culture, beliefs and cuisines are crucial to our success and I’ve appreciated having a dash of Japan here in the UK, when my sister found a Japanese grocery and got lots of things for me! It made my weekend )

Here’s to a new month, coming of a new season, back to work and hopefully a new mindset for it all. Breathe in, hold…breathe out… We got this!

Sincerely,

S. xx

All or nothing thinking

Everything has worked out. It usually does. The world doesn’t end because we stop trying to control everything. Have I ticked everything off my long summer to do list? No! Lots of things shouldn’t have been on there anyway. But I started a lot of things, finished some others, and have progressed. That’s all the counts.

The problem only comes when we think “but I didn’t finish everything” or “it wasn’t how I wanted it to be”. This is expectation. This is pressure. This is unnecessary. It clouds us from seeing all that we have achieved.

Today I was going to try to run the 10km I had put on my summer to do list. I woke up in pain from my yoga and got some sad news, so naturally, I wasn’t feeling up to it. Did I just let myself off the hook? Nope. Instead I put myself into decision fatigue and paralysis going through all the reasons I should and shouldn’t go. They were all valid reasons, might I add! It was ridiculous. It wasn’t a big deal. No one cares if I didn’t go and didn’t tick it off my arbitrary summer bucket list.

I can go another day! Gasp! No way!

In the end, thankfully, I did the right thing for me: I went on a short run. I knew the run would be good for my mind, but a long one wouldn’t be good for my body. So this was a healthy, simple compromise.

Why did it have to take so long for me to get there, though?

It’s this all or nothing thinking. If you can’t do the thing to the standard you originally wanted, might as well not do it at all. Got to be all in or all out. Nope, that’s ridiculous. It sets us up to fail, time and time again.

Life needs to be lived in the middle ground. In the plenty of lovely space between all and nothing. Between this or that. There are a plethora of other options to the things we want or need to do, but we limit ourselves to just two.

We need to get creative with our thinking. Instead of thinking our options are limited, we can find creative solutions by thinking outside the box or taking a new approach. Create more options for yourself.

It’s not this or that. It’s this, that, or maybe this other thing, or how about that, oh this could work, or what if I changed that, I could even do that, and on and on!

Please don’t be like me and create stress for yourself by keeping your options restricted. Open your mind and your world becomes a lot bigger, with more to choose from. This is how we become successful. This is how we stay consistent with our goals and our habits. By adapting, finding creative alternatives, and opening our minds to more available routes to take.

It’s not all or nothing. There’s plenty in between. Just open your eyes and find it.

Sincerely,

S. xx

The ever-productive problem

It’s sad that I find it so hard to rest and do very little. Yesterday was my least productive day of the holiday. I wrote my daily post, finished the book I was reading, walked the dog, watched tv while journaling and doing a tarot reading (I dabble for fun), did some yoga, then finally started my scrapbook for Japan while watching a new tv show.

I’m used to the list being longer, or for it not to have much tv watching on it! I also played my video game on the evening! Gasp! My husband cooked dinner. It was weird. It was needed.

But why is it so hard for some of us to do this, while others can do it naturally? It’s not laziness versus hard workers. Not at all. It’s deeper than that. I think it’s about self worth. I know, at least for me, that I gain self worth, and feel happier about myself, when I’ve had a productive day. When I’ve ticked things off a list, and they’re impressive things.

I also get this sick sense of pride knowing I’ve done more than someone else. There’s that competition and comparison again.

So it’s about who we think we need to be to be accepted and loved. The value we think we need to provide for approval. They say this comes from childhood, but my mom never made me work really hard for praise. In fact, she was playful and encouraged me to be social and more outgoing. I’m not sure where this comes from for me.

Maybe it’s not a need to prove myself necessarily, but a need to improve myself. That I’m hyper aware of my limitations and want to change my life, so I desperately work at it until I burn out. I’m made restless by a never ending need to make things better. I’m fuelled by dissatisfaction. While others can rest more easily, because they’re more satisfied with their lives and themselves.

This is why I’ve finally followed my husband’s advice and unsubscribed from YouTube channels that talk about self development and productivity. I don’t need it anymore. Maybe all it does it make me more restless than help me at this point.

We don’t need to work hard on changing ourselves and our lives every day. That sounds like a recipe for disaster to me! I’ve never questioned it before but damn, doesn’t that sound miserable? It means we’re never happy and accepting. And that’s a real shame.

Do you get itchy hands when you’re relaxing, too? Do you find it hard to sit still? Ask yourself why. You probably deserve it, and bloody well need it, so why is it so hard to give that to ourselves?

It’s productive to rest. It makes us more capable when we are working hard on our projects. Otherwise, our work won’t be as good. Especially if you’re creative. Creativity needs play and joy and childlike wonder to keep it alive.

“You will always struggle with not feeling productive until you accept that your own joy can be something that you produce,” – Hank Green

Sincerely,

S. xx

The cursor and I

Blinking cursor, waiting impatiently. Write something. Anything. Come on! Straight black line, standing sentinel, an old friend. We’ve danced this tango so many times before. You know me and I know you. You know it takes me a minute, but I always get there. Have I ever let you down?

Let myself down? Sure. Nearly every time. But you, never. You’re happy just to be filled, aren’t you. No matter how much I write, you just stand there; blinking, waiting for more. You’re kind of greedy but I’ll allow it. Must be lonely on a blank page.

I think you just want me to be vulnerable with you. You don’t expect anything from me. You’re not looking for Austen or King or Faulkner. You just want me. Any words or phrases will do, as long as it’s from me. You blink to remind me that there’s always more to say. Nothing is useless. Though everything has been said before, it’s never been said by me, and that’s the power. That’s the point.

So many writers get caught up in being original. They get stuck in the thinking, planning and plotting. They worry over grammar and using impressive vocabulary. But the cursor doesn’t care. Every writer has their own personal cursor that blinks just for them. Waits for them to bleed out onto the page. No judging, just waiting. As I said, you’re a bit greedy but your hunger encourages me to push on. Never quit. Find the words. You’re my motivation.

I can’t lie: I hunger for words, too. I’m a book eater. A language devourer. I need letters and words and sentences and paragraphs and chapters to sustain me. They’re my lifeblood. My raison d’être, my ikigai, my purpose.

That’s a lot of pressure, when you put it that way. But I think you remind me, cursor, that it’s okay. Something being important to you doesn’t have to be serious. A lot of the time, I put the two in the same boat. They’re mutually exclusive to me. But what if that’s not true?

Definition of important: “of great significance or value”

Definition of serious: “demanding or characterised by careful consideration or application”

Let’s see here, my storytelling and my writing does fit into both definitions. Something of value and something I carefully consider. But I don’t need to carefully consider every time. Take this post, and the ones I’ve written every morning this summer for 38 days in a row, I’ve not carefully considered them. Not thought them through. I’ve just written whatever came to mind.

That’s pure freedom. Pure expression.

So maybe I’m not a “serious writer” but I can be an important one, who treats her work as important. I think I can live with that, what do you think? Oh, you want me to write more? Quit blinking at me already! Such a greedy boy. The piece is over!

Sincerely,

S. xx