S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 100

"Gritted Teeth" - A Poem

“Grit your teeth and bear it...” That's what I had always been taught; or rather, that was what I had grown up watching. No matter how many lashes they strike, we - as the “better men” - must grit our teeth and bear it.But I don't want to “bear it” anymore. I don't want to sit in silence and fool myself into believing that I'm the better man. How can I be the victor when they are the ones walking tall? In their eyes, in the audience's eyes, all we are is weak. Weak, pathetic fools who allow ourselves to be beaten. I tell myself that image doesn't matter; I know who I am and what they are in contrast. But it's empty. Deep down all I want to do is win; truly win. To stand tall, chest high and fists clenched, slowly and perfectly uttering the words that would so easily dethrone them. Utter the words which always cling to my lips. The words that are as vicious as a snake, as sharp as a dagger and as powerful as a spell.But then I step back and think...they're such self-righteous fools that I could never win. The audience - the watchful eye of society - is so corrupt that they would stand behind the wrong person.And so I lower my head as if defeated, smiling slyly to myself in that knowing way, as I understand, that although the picture is interpreted wrong, the meaning will always be the same. I am better than they are, and the funny thing is...they know that, don't they? That's why they lash, in order to bring down what is greater than them. Well, continue your charade my friend, but you don't fool me. Because your pride is weaker than mine, for your own protection, I shall hold back my words and grit my teeth to bear it.

Book Review - "What I Know For Sure" by Oprah Winfrey

I've not long finished reading this book. And I must say, I loved it. At first I didn't think much of it, I'll admit. But as time went on, I realised that Oprah was reaching through the pages and trying to slap me into submission. Her beautiful stories were trying to tell me something, and silly old me wasn't quite listening at first. But then I sprung up like a meerkat and realise that Oprah was urging me to change how I was doing things. She was telling me that nothing that brings me sadness or hesitation or lack of self is worth my time. That I would only be sacrificing myself to keep living as I do. And so, I decided it was finally time that I achieve more. That I strive for more. That I do what I was destined to do instead of kind-a, maybe doing it.I must go full-force into the direction of my dreams, no matter the sacrifice.And so this site was born. If you need a lift in your life, read this book. If you need inspiration, motivation and encouragement - read this book. If you need the beauty of the world presented to you, read this book. Because Oprah paints a wonderful picture about how life really is in our hands and that with spirituality, hard work and knowing your true self, you can achieve your best life.9/10

A Few Haikus

"Stopping Time"Time, it ticks on by (5)Uncaring of my heart so. (7)Stop, time. Stop for me? (5)"Oh Love"Love, it heals me well. (5)My heart, my soul, they shine now. (7)Where have you been, love? (5)"I'm Broken"Breaking, ever breaking. (5)My pieces, they scatter far. (7)Winds, they carry me. (5)"Mixed Race Girl"My skin is brown so. (5)Am I beautiful to you? (7)The mirror says no. (5)"Reading for Growth"Books, they enlighten. (5)Why are they so heavy now? (7)When will my mind grow? (5)"Feel the Feelings"Emotions, they hurt. (5)Inside my veins they burn me. (7) My heart is on fire. (5)

Do What Makes You Happy

Do what makes you happy, my friend. And do it unapologetically. Do it loud and proud. Do it with all your might. Then let it kill you.There was this great piece of advice in a film I watched the other day…“Don’t do anything just because you can. Don’t do anything you don’t love. Don’t do anything because other people think you should. Don’t do anything because you’re afraid to do something else.”I love this! I love it so much. It is so true and it was put in a way that I’ve never heard before especially the last line. It rang in my head for ages afterwards, so much so I had to make a note of it in my phone.If there’s something that you think about all the time. If there’s a dream that follows you. If you’re bored, angry or drained at your current job with little to no reward. If you aren’t being challenged. If you’ve never done anything bar what you do now. If you’ve never been anywhere. If you don’t feel needed or useful. If you think for a second that your purpose isn’t what you’re currently doing. Then do something else. There’s so much out there, so so much. It’s actually scary that there’s so much choice. So there shouldn’t be any excuse to make yourself miserable everyday. Figure out what you need to do to go where you want to go, set a plan, get help, get qualifications, whatever it is and then do it!There’s no easy way to become an author. There’s so straight road. But I’m trying to make it happen because I need it to. I want to be happy everyday knowing I’m doing what I feel I was born to do.And so should you. Don’t settle for less than. Don’t settle for the easy road that makes you unhappy.Be brave, be honest, be you.

Why I’m Sad about my S.A.D.

Now that it’s September, many of us are probably sad that Summer is over. But I bet most of you aren’t having panic attacks just because the sun is setting earlier than it has been.

I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. This is where the Seasonal changes causes depression, anxiety and basically the sense of doom in the darkness.

Of course this is just my experiences with it. For me, Autumn/Winter feels like utter darkness. When I picture it, all I see is grey. Like the grayscale filter on our phones. As if nothing can be good because the days are just too short, the nights just too long, and the air an uninviting chill – always.

Everything is dead in winter. And so is my enthusiasm. At the moment, I feel like I’m waiting on a storm that no one else knows is coming. My anxiety gets high about 5’o clock, as if I’m anticipating a fall. Well, Autumn is called the Fall, so of course, all I can do is fall…

I don’t know if I can ever make any sense to you. I just feel that S.A.D. is a disorder that goes unheard of all too easily, but is probably really common. I mean it’s only natural to feel the loss of Summer. The biting weather makes you want to stay inside, and wallow in the comfort of your own bed, praying for the heat to return.

But S.A.D. is worlds worse than that, please note. It feels, for us sufferers, like the sun may never return. That the winter is just too long and too harsh to be happy right now. But of course, I can’t just sit and pray and suffer until Spring comes. So instead, I’m trying to put plans into place. Here’s a few things that I’m doing and trying to look forward to in order to feel better, and you should too.

Planned to travel – Budapest in October, Verona in end November/early December
Plan to wake up early, and soak up all the sun (even the tiniest bit)
Get a night light and use my bedside lamp again
Excited for movie days and bed days
Excited for long boots, nice coats and cute jumpers
Cinema trips, which are my fave anyway
Cuddles!
Hot chocolate
Christmas
New Year, fresh start
Blanket forts
Video games
Pretty stars
Early nights, lots of sleep
Crispy brown leaves
Deeper, more profound writing

The last one is an important one for me. As I’ve gone through some hurtful setbacks lately, I’ve been questioning “why”. Why me, why now? But then I thought to myself, as sad as it is, maybe the universe is doing this on purpose. Maybe I need to be a bit sad, in order to write better. When I’m super happy, my focus isn’t as good. My writing isn’t as deep. So, perhaps, at least for now, I need to be feeling this way in order to produce something deep and unique.

So if you’re being kicked down, try to spin it. Trust me, it’s not easy and sometimes I still get angry and upset that this has happened to me. But I have to believe that it’s all part of a greater journey – as that’s life. The pain is necessary for growth. The universe kicks us in the nuts for our own good, sometimes.

All I can hope for is a decent Autumn/Winter. That the nights aren’t so loud with silence. That the cold doesn’t give me the kiss of death. And that in these hollow months to come, something good, anything at all, can be found.

~ Damsel

What We Must Learn from Finding Dory

I watched “Finding Dory” for the second time today, and so I feel I had to write about it. If you haven’t watched it yet, what are you doing with your life?! Go now! Now!

But anyway, here I what I’ve learnt, and I hope you have to, from the film and Dory’s character.

“You can do anything you put your mind to.” – In life we arefaced with many challenges, but just like Dory we can find a way through it if we focus.
Can’t plan everything – Not everything will go to plan and sometimes our plans are actually not the best things for us, just go with the flow sometimes.
“What would Dory do?” – Find a quirky way to do things every now and then, it’ll make you life more interesting.
You may be lost for a while, but you’ll always find your way eventually. – Have faith in your journey.
Family can be anyone, from anywhere. – Even in the most unlikely of circumstances, we can find friends who become more like family, so don’t worry, family is out there.
Believe in people, they may surprise you. – Even people who seem like screw ups can accomplish great things if you trust them.
“There’s always another way.” – If at first the way you wanted things to go doesn’t work out, then there is always another way…or two…or three. There’s 26 letters of the alphabet, don’t worry about Plan A.
Don’t panic, follow your instincts. – Listen to the little voice inside you, it won’t lead you wrong.
The world is a big place, but you will make it through with friends.  – Everyone needs just a few good friends to help life be a little easier.
“Just keep swimming.” – No matter how hard it is; no matter how tired you are; just keep swimming, just keep going folks.

So there you have it guys, go watch the film. I’d rate it a solid 9/10!

~ Damsel

10 Traits We Should Take on from Olympic Athletes

I’ve been watching the 2016 Olympics in Rio on and off since it started, and I’ve been really impressed with the strength of all the athletes. Even the losers work incredibly hard to even compete at that level. I respect them all so much and wish them well throughout the rest of the competition.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve began to feel inspired by them. Not saying I’m going to start working on my six pack. And I’m definitely not saying I’m going to be in the 2020 Olympics! No, instead I’ve just realised a few things that they do, that I might need to start doing myself in order to get ahead in life.

They plan 4 years in advance (at least): of course there is so many competitions in-between the olympics but when I hear them speak in their interviews, they sound like they already have plans and tactical changes to use for the next olympics in 4 years time.
They have amazing focus: they focus on themselves; they focus on the goal and their technique not what others are doing.
They learn how to lose graciously: b*tchin and moaning when you lose in life won’t change the outcome.
They work on they weaknesses and highlight their strengths: their coaches tell them what they did wrong and they work on it.
They push themselves: harder and harder each time; failure is a lesson.
They work to strict routines everyday: they keep speaking about waking up at 5am and training until late at night; discipline in key to success.
They don’t care about appearances: they’re their to do a job, and they don’t care about their hair when doing it: they care more about what matters, their perspective is amazing; why care about your hair and make up when you have to run 100m in 10 seconds?
They support one another instead of concentrating on destroying the opposition or being jealous: they see no point in rivalry, they recognise that they’re all in the same boat; it’s just about diving in (maybe literally!) and getting your job done.
They travel: of course, their competitions take them all over the world, and that’s amazing; their dreams and goals are taking them to extraordinary places.
They take on criticism and adjust accordingly…

 

Do these sound about right? Where are your weaknesses and what can you take on board? Good luck. Enjoy the games and support your country!

 

~ Damsel

What an Amazing 7 Months it’s Been!

Get ready, this is gonna be a cheesy post!

So I don’t know about you but 2016 is going by so fast for me. I feel like it was only yesterday that I was drumming up my ideas for the year, and now it’s almost over already.

But what I can’t deny is how amazing this year has been to me so far. It’s given so much. I’ve had so many opportunities that I can’t help but be grateful for. As you know, I’m one to think a lot and get overwhelmed by instability in my life. But this year, I’ve felt more confident and more me than ever. I finally feel like I’m getting there. I’m getting better at the life game.

But as with my newest tattoo, I understand that life is about balance, not perfection. I haven’t written this post because I feel like everything is amazing and perfect, but instead because there’s been a perfect balance.

I’ve released two books this year, which is amazing. But I’ve not sold that many, which sucks. I’ve celebrated a year and a half with my partner, but we weren’t able to travel like we wanted. I’ve got a new exciting job, but it might not be as great as I’d like. New job but less money. See what I’m saying?

This is what we all need. Don’t focus on the sh*t that life has given you. Don’t seek only the good, either. Be grateful and widen your perspective. See the bad and the good. Find what strength the bad has given you. Find the lesson the bad has taught you. Open your eyes to the good, but don’t latch onto it. Appreciate it, enjoy it and be grateful. Keep your heart and mind balanced.

So what has me feeling like good times are ahead for me, thus bringing better balance? Well here’s some things that this year has blessed me with so far:

I’ve had the guts to book two holidays, one of which I will be travelling alone!
Two new jobs
Two published books
Started my own support group
Hosted my own mental health awareness event
Spoke about mental health awareness at a Fashion Show
Made my own film, which people enjoyed
Started a huge marketing campaign for my book series
Become more social and vocal
Looked to as a professional and someone out for change

During this quarter life crisis, I keep feeling up and down. But this year has shown me that despite the hardships and decisions and questions, things are looking up and I may finally be doing the right things.

Life will always test us. It’ll try to make us feel like failures, like we’re worthless. But as I advised my friend recently – the universe knows what’s best and sometimes it kicks us in the nuts and spits on our face for our own good, because we’re fools who can’t realise shit on our own.

Sad, but true. All the best on your journeys guys and I hope you start to see the light like me very soon.

~ Damsel

10 Reasons Why You Need to Read the Eternity Series (My Fantasy Book Series)

1 New spin on Vampires:

The Vampires in my series don’t sparkle. They don’t burn under the sun. Instead it’s something completely different. Without giving spoilers, the fact that they are the walking/living dead is highlighted in the Eternity Series.

2 A cross over of supernatural species that we’ve not seen before:

Again, no spoilers but there’s Angels, Demons, Vampires, wolves and more. The way they crisscross and interact has never been seen before. They aren’t the same as we’ve seen them before, either. For example, Angels aren’t necessarily all good…

3 Realistic love stories:

As with life, people fall in love despite avoiding it! So of course, there are some love stories and triangles in the series. However, instead of being all sunshine and rainbows, I keep all of my love stories realistic, in that they’re not perfect. The couples make mistakes; break up; cheat; upset one another and leave one another.

4 The bad guy isn’t obvious:

Unlike most series, there isn’t an obvious bad guy or villain. Each person, and each side of the war does things that are questionable. Are the people bad whoever having their homes invaded the good ones? Are the people doing the invading the bad ones? Who’s to say…

5 Multiple points of view:

As briefly mentioned, the series features different points of view of people on different sides of the war. I did this so that people could choose who is the good guys, and who they wish to support. And, it was a way to show all the different worlds and domains that they characters live in.

6 Dark, real, urban fantasy:

One of my favourite things is being realistic. As a fantasy writer, that may seem crazy, but it works! I wanted to say the things that people are scared to say. Death is real and it’s horrible. War breaks people. People get depressed and are easily disturbed by the harshness of life. And with great power, comes great pain.

7 Coming of age and growth:

A lot of my characters are young and naive. They haven’t seen the full horrors of the immortal world and the coming war. But when becoming involved in it, and growing up at the same time, they start to grow. This growth was important for me in a YA (Young Adult) fiction. Young people will hopefully read it, relate to the characters and learn from their  journey.

8 Struggles lead to success; pain is necessary:

Sadly, along with growth comes growing pains. We must struggle and go through a great amount of trials meant to test us and help us find our strength. So, in the series, I put all of my characters through a lot of pain and adversity in order to help them grow stronger.

9 A mixture, something for everyone:

There’s good people, bad people. People of all races and religions. Vampires, immortals. Mind powers, physical powers. Dark world and bright worlds. Children, teens and adults. Experienced immortals and new ones. Mortals and immortals. Murderers and heroes. Destruction and growth. Fantasy, romance, mystery, war…

10 Cool new powers, with awesome new peop le:

Here’s the power list of the characters in the series, as a teaser to show what they can do compared to other series…

 

Interested? Get your copy here!

No Secrets: Remastered

 

Thanks for reading, I’ll be back on the life stuff soon I promise!

~ Damsel

Quotes from Songs, Films & Books on Coming of Age and Finding Your Path

“Good for her, not for me!” – Amy Poehler, Yes Please! (book) = Funnily enough, we don’t have to do what everyone else is doing; in fact it’s probably a good thing if you’re not.
“We sweat for a nickel and a dime, turn it into an empire.” – American Oxygen, X Ambassadors (song) = You have to work hard to get anything worthwhile in life, so be ready to make a little and struggle a lot on your way to success.
“May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect.” – Fight Club (film) = We are ever-changing, ever-growing. And that’s a good thing. Keep learning, keep moving forwards.
“I fall from the sky. But I won’t fall forever. I fall but when I rise, I’ll be stronger than ever.” – Stronger Than Ever, Rayleigh Ritchie (song) = We must fall a few things when growing up, it’s just natural. But we’ll get back up stronger every time.
“I began to recall what I had heard of dead men, troubled in their graves by the violation of their last wishes, revisiting the earth to punish the perjured and avenge the oppressed.” – Jane Eyre  (book) = Don’t live a life of regret. Do what you want to do. Chase your dreams. Dance in the rain. Kiss with passion. Buy the shoes!
“No I don’t think you know what’s best for me. I don’t even know what’s best for me.” – Face Again, How To Dress Well (song) = Not everyone will have the right answers for you. You’re the only one who’s walking your exact path. Not everyone will know what’s best for you, so take caution when seeking advice.
“There are no strings on me.” – Ultron, The Avengers (film) = Don’t be someone’s puppet, whether that’s your family or friends or superiors. Do what you want to do, unapologetically.
“Tell me who I have to be to get some reciprocity.” – Ex-Factor, Lauryn Hill (song) = Don’t change yourself to please others. If they don’t like you or value you, for you, then that’s their loss. Don’t lose yourself in your hunt for affection or attention.
“Gotta know me before I know what I want…Just a few things I gotta overcome.” – Back to my Love, Becky Hill (song) = Finding out who you are is so important. It comes before love and it comes before career. How can you be good at your job, or find the right job for that matter, if you don’t know who you are? How can anyone love properly without first knowing and loving themselves?
“I need you inspired, I need you excited.” – Fire & Desire, Drake (song) = Don’t just live. Live with inspiration. Chase ideas, get excited, live with passion and fire in your veins.
“You don’t wanna high like me, never really knowing why like me. You don’t ever wanna step off that rollercoaster and be all alone.” – I Took a Pill in Ibiza, Mike Posner (song) = Don’t isolate yourself with fake friends, drugs and a fake world. Partying is all well and good, but with the right people in the right way, otherwise you can turn around one day and have nothing real left.
“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.” – Socrates (book) = Remember, even the most educated of people don’t know something. Don’t be ignorant of your ignorance. Understand that you’ll always have learning to do.
“Mama said that we were good kids. And daddy said don’t ever listen to the ones, pointing nasty fingers and making fun, cuz we were good kids.” – Mama Said, Lukas Graham (song) = Don’t listen to the haters! They’ll be everywhere, and you don’t have to listen to them. They’re not right. It’s just words. Just smoke. Treat it as meaningless rubbish that you need not concern yourself with.
“You are not your job, you’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You are not your f*cking khakis.” – Fight Club (film) = You’re not defined by your possessions or wealth. Never let riches and luxury go to your head. Invest in experiences, not things. Live, don’t spend. And be true to the real you; what’s inside, not outside.
“And I don’t wanna sit still look pretty.” – Sit Still, Look Pretty, Daya (song) = Don’t let anyone limit you. Get up, and do your thing.