Excerpt/Teaser from my New Self-Help Book – “What I Know So Far”

All rights reserved, copyright 2017 S. R. Crawford

 

The Purpose of this Book

Why did I write this book? To be honest, it sprang out of nowhere and surprised me. At the end of last year and the start of this year (2017) I was writing different books, but then the idea of this one came and hit me in the face like “whoa, hey, here’s an idea.”

And so I started writing and little did I know that yeah, there was an actual story inside of me that was leaking out. I wrote so much so fast that I couldn’t just shake the story away. I had to write it and share it, even if not many people really understood why.

So why then is this an important idea to share? Why are you reading this? Why should you get me a chance? Because I’m learning. I’m still on a journey. I am a product of mistakes and failure and disappointment. I’ve been left behind, let down, and left out in the dark. I’ve had things change on me out of nowhere and shake up my life in ways I didn’t understand at the time.

But I’m starting to.

This book is about how I’ve come to understand all the pain and chaos in my own life. I share my story in an autobiographical tale before analysing what I learnt after each experience. At the time I didn’t realise I was being taught anything at all. I didn’t know I was being shaped by the bumps and bruises of life. But now I realise that I was and I am noticing the patterns.

The purpose then of this book is to show you how I “figured out” my life and its crazy events so far, and how amazing it was to have done so. It’s been eye-opening and enlightening. I feel lighter, calmer and ready for whatever the future holds because I now realise, from real evidence, that it’ll all be okay.

I want you to see how I’ve done it and take on board my personal lessons. See what I’ve done and start doing it yourself. And hopefully by the end of it, the both of us will better understand and trust in the journey.

The Meaning of Chaos

Why does motivation come and go? Why did you go to this school instead of that school? Grow up in this area instead of that one? Eat this and not that? Go here and not there? Decide this dream instead of that one?

Why did you not get that job in that place? Why did you break down that one time? Why did your relationship end? Why did you get fired? Why them and not me? Why, why, why?

The answer is most definitely chaos.

I do believe in destiny – that life is a string of events that had to happen in order to lead us to a particular end result. But I believe in chaos, too. I think that through an untrained eye, your life will always be chaotic. That you can never understand why something happened; it just did. Accept this to be true if you want to, if it brings you comfort, but I disagree.

I believe in chaos to the extent that random things happen to us. That we’re thrown this and that. We go from here and then suddenly end up there. This is all 100% true and none of us can really deny that. But when you look closer, there’s often more to it.

Think of life and the universe as an untouched Dot-to-Dot puzzle. This is the chaos. The dots are the randomness, the events, the experiences all seemingly unconnected. But then when we look back on our experiences, and begin connecting the dots, a pattern does start to form. And the picture suddenly becomes clear.

Life is chaos. It’s confusing and disordered and random. But when looked at with a close eye and an open mind, it starts to make more sense. And when you understand and trust the chaos, there is a lightness that fills you. I think that the meaning of life, if there is one, and I know we’re all looking for it, is to understand the reason for the chaos.

Once you begin to understand the chaos, or at least understanding that there will eventually be a reason for the chaos, you start to believe in a few things:

Destiny
Fate
The present
The future
Choices
Failure
Success

 

It helps you with experiences like:

Mistakes
Change
Circumstance
Loss
Expectation

 

You connect better with:

Your personality
Resolve
Purpose
Mind
Soul and spirit

 

And you build:

Focus
Relationships
Hunger/Drive
Faith
And Perspective

 

As silly as it sounds, everything really does happen for a reason. The reason may not present itself until many years down the line, but the reason is still there. And if you’re capable or interested, you can find that reason. And trust in that reason.

You are you because you need to be. Never change who that person is because you’re important. Even if you were put on this earth to do a small job, that job is still yours and you must do it to the best of your ability. No, never change – grow but don’t change.

You were given your interests and skills for a reason. You often meet and connect with certain people for a reason – they have stories to tell that can and will shape you if you listen. You’ll realise that luck doesn’t exist; luck is preparation and opportunity. My sister is the luckiest person I’ve ever met but I’ll tell you now, she has certain qualities that make her “lucky”. She’s charismatic. She says yes. She listens. She knows people and connects with them. She’s likeable. She’s a free-spirit. And she out and about in the world, so of course she’s in the right place for good things to happen. These are the “lucky” people but they really aren’t lucky at all.

You have your dreams and ideas for a reason – listen to them, give them life. Understand the reasons why you were given these idea along your journey, and trust in it. Trust that it will be alright in the end. Place your focus on the right things; not the past, not waiting on the future, but on the now. Love the present moment and be utterly present in it. That way, you will be better aware of what you’re doing, and you’ll suddenly enjoy life’s journey. Then, every so often, be grateful for where you are now compared to where you used to be. Analyse your life if you must, for it can grant you the understanding and strength to finally let go and fully live. I have.

There’s a reason for everything.

The meaning of chaos in our lives is to disguise what’s going to happen. If you knew what the end of a book was, what would be the point in reading it? The journey just wouldn’t be as enjoyable. No, the chaos is necessary. It is to urge us to grow stronger. To be smarter. To make mistakes and learn from them. To learn how we want to be treated. To connect with all kinds of people. To know the past, trust the future and be in the present.

I now trust the chaos and understand its beauty. Confusing though it may seem, just like a good book, it all shall be revealed in the end.

 

 

The Meaning of Pain

 

Ever had any of these thoughts? It’s all my fault. I’m a failure. I’m not good enough. They’re better than me. He didn’t love me. I was left. I was betrayed. I wasn’t good at school. I’m not good at anything.

Sound about right? These thoughts all stemmed from your pain.

In the simplest of terms, pain is necessary for growth. Take a muscle for example. When first stretched, the muscle is in pain. Gymnasts in certain parts of the world would even tear the muscles in young athletes, so that they grow back looser and they’d be able to then perform better. Of course this is a horrid thing to do to children, don’t get me wrong, but stay with me here. Muscles are stretched and torn and worked on for years before they become strong and can perform extraordinary tasks.

The same goes for the brain and the heart. Though anatomically speaking the heart is an organ; and although the brain does have a bit of muscle, it isn’t actually classified as one due to the grey and white matter in it. But still, think of the heart and especially the brain as a muscle. They need to be stretched and torn and worked on in order to perform to a greater standard.

Sadly, you can’t just go to the gym or a class in order to do this. So instead, life does it for you over many, many years.

And it’s painful. It hurts like hell. What happens to us doesn’t hurt, it’s how we perceive it that hurts. It ruminates in our minds and weighs heavy on our hearts.

Life is always preparing you for the next step. Preparing you for the next challenge. It’s like a video game – at each level, you learn the skills necessary to take on later opponents. Then you’re working your way up to the biggest challenges and the big bad boss at the end.

Why are older people so honest and calm and free-spirited and fun (for the most part)? Because life has taught it to them. For some reason or another, it takes most of us a long time to learn what life really means. It takes a lot of pain and suffering. But one day, be it in our 30s, 40s or 90s, we will learn how to laugh at bad situations. Or accept what is or change what you don’t like.

But it takes time and understanding. It takes lesson after lesson after lesson. We’re never done learning. We’re never done growing.

You must put you hand into the fire in order to learn that it is hot. People will tell you, “no, don’t touch that; it’s hot, it’ll hurt you” but how can you know for sure? By touching it yourself.

The same goes for bad people, bad relationships, education, careers, passions and dreams. Even if people could just tell us that something is right or wrong, we have to decide for ourselves by going the path. And though the path may result in pain, that pain is a big red flag that imprints on our brains and our hearts saying, “well, that wasn’t good. But I know that now, and I can move on with that knowledge.”

People stay depressed, or generally beaten, or in bad situations of all kinds, because they don’t understand pain. They think they were born to always live in that pain. That pain is a prison and they are a convict.

No, no.

Pain is not a prison. Pain is a key.

I know that if I try to do the splits now, it will hurt like hell but after a long time of training, I will do the splits with ease. I know that I may want to quit a class because I keep failing and the pain of it is just too much, but if I keep trying and growing and working hard then I will be given that certificate that says I did it.

So no, pain is not a prison. Pain is my key. The key to success. The key to understanding. The key to better. The key to strength.

Only if you stay still, and let the pain hold you down like a rock on top of paper, will you forever be in pain. So move the rock or move yourself and keep on moving forwards.

I know this because I have been in pain. And I have not been in pain. And my story written for you, here in this book, as my evidence to show you that I know what I’m talking about and I’ve felt how you feel.

You must thank whatever greater force you believe in for adversity. For it is adversity that grants us strength. If a path is easy we learn nothing and we most definitely do not become grateful. Suffering, trials, ups and downs all prove one great thing – that you’re trying. And trying is good. Trying is nothing to be ashamed of because more people are trying than you realise; and more importantly, those who don’t try are fools and have already failed.

Learn how to learn from life, not be beaten by it. Master your mind and listen to your soul. Nurture your body and test the limits of all three. Don’t be afraid to accept the pain and carry on despite it. Learn from it, ask the universe what the lesson here is and learn from it. Always.

Don’t believe me just yet? Still want the proof? Well check out my life’s story and what it taught me. This is all real and maybe, just maybe, it will finally show you that the universe is speaking to you – if only you’d start listening.

 

(Stay tuned for the published works next month!)