S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 92

Thought Capture

Money may bring freedom, but if you’re shackled to the job that provides said money, are you truly free?

Thought Capture

Do beautiful, terrifying things.

Be Who You Are

I’m sad that I just had to remind myself that I am a mixed race woman. I don’t want this to turn into a post about race, because it’s really not, I’m just sad at myself and society or whoever for making me feel like I must seek an image of beauty that is unattainable to me as a mixed race person.

Instead, for my own sanity (and for yours if you ever take my advice) I need to be who I am.

Don’t seek straight-straight hair, because my hair will never be perfectly straight with no frizz or stray curls.
Don’t seek green or blue eyes, like those eyes everyone loves, because I have brown eyes and I should love those for what they are.
Don’t try to alter your own makeup ideas by copying images of pale-skinned women. You are not pale-skinned, you’ll only be disappointed doing it that way.
Don’t aspire to be like these mainstream celebrities instead, have your own values and aspire to be like people who make a difference or actually have something to do with something you value for yourself.
Don’t dress to the latest fashion, it changes; instead, develop a personal style that feels timeless and utterly you.
Don’t aim to be like these American women on TV or something, because you are not American. You are British.
Value your mixed heritage and don’t just allow it to be a punchline.
Don’t aspire to be curvy or “thick” or big-assed if you’re not! It’s fine not to be. Once upon a time, this image of a woman was considered ugly, and now things have reversed. So the moral of that story is to just love your body no matter what! They’ll be people who like it and people who don’t no matter what you do; and besides, why should you aim to please anyone bar yourself? Love your body for whatever it is and dress to suit it. (although of course, a little bit of fitness can go a long way to looking and feeling good in yourself, Siana!)
Don’t let the media show you what’s beautiful, all you have to do is look in the mirror to know that…

How can you be confident in yourself when you’re constantly trying to be someone or something else?

How can you grow and find your true self when you are too focused on the outside and everyone else instead of on you?

Be you. Be you with so much vigor that no one can question you. Don’t let anyone tell you who you should be because only you can know for sure who you are.

 

Yes, this was a message to myself, but as you’ve seen of late, I’ve just been writing what’s in my heart and sharing it. I always hope that my feelings when put on here can help others who feel the same way. I never mean anything further than that. “Each to their own” and all that, so…

Haiku

Life Lost

Help me, I’m hurting.

Is it really living to,

Be feeling this way?

(Haikus are short poems that follow the 5/7/5 syllable rule)

Thought Capture

Do you ever get the feeling that you’re not really living your life?

…

Freelance Portfolio

Source: Freelance Portfolio

Thought Capture

Happiness cannot be found in a pay check.

Thought Capture

I had a rollercoaster day of emotions yesterday. So much so I decided to take a day off from life today. Well, not life; we can’t truly take those days off, but time away from “productivity ” and planning and work of any kind.

I got  out of bed when I felt like it. I asked my boyfriend to sleep over Because  I wanted a distraction from myself. I did one errand and chilled and ate and laughed.

But a nail got stuck in the car tyre so we had to sort that out and spend money and take time out of our day. I’m proud of myself though. I usually would have blamed myself for the tyre. Blamed my bad luck and cried, saying “of course I can’t just have a good day.” Instead I breathed deep and said “it’s just a tyre, we’re fixing it, that’s life and at least I’m out the house and distracted.”

Great, right?

And I think I’m finally focusing. Finally deciding what’s best for me at this stage. I need to focus on self development before I can truly save the world. I’m not strong enough, confident enough, or intelligent enough to do it right just yet.

So I’m going to work on me.

Thought Capture

Stop worrying about this life thing, Siana. You’ll figure it out. No, poor choice of words there. You need to stop trying to figure it out and instead let things be for a while and when the moment’s rights​, the fog will clear.

In the meantime, just write. Simple. Write everyday. Write bold and beautiful. Write, like writers do, and all else will drift away.

“13 Reasons Why” Review

If you haven’t watched this yet, please do. It is on Netflix and it is 13 episodes long. Sadly, it is a hard to watch series. But it is necessary. “13 Reasons Why” is about a girl who has committed suicide and the cast of teenagers who are listening to the tapes she left behind, where she explains why she felt she had to do it.

I WOULD WARN YOU NOT TO WATCH THIS IF YOU ARE HEAVILY DEPRESSED, SELF-HARM OR ARE SUICIDAL. HOWEVER, IF YOU ARE IGNORANT TO THE REALITY AND AFFECTS OF THESE THEMES, THEN THE SHOW IS A MUST WATCH FOR YOU.

I won’t give any spoilers, but I do urge you to watch it. There are trigger warnings on the show and I give one now, too. Critics worry that the show may “glorify” suicide. I didn’t feel that it did, but like I say above, it depends on the individual and I do warn vulnerable people to perhaps skip it. It was very real, emotional and as I said, hard to watch. Purely by the impact of Hannah Baker’s death, one would think this show was finally showing what we all need to see, and also showing those contemplating such things that there are people who love you, people who care, help available and that suicide should never be an option.

So in short, here is 13 thoughts about/reasons why I appreciated the show:

It made me angry at people. We are dicks to each other way too much and way too easily.
Made me angry that it is only just now that people are starting to take these themes seriously (although of course, I am grateful that it is finally happening).
It truly solidified my thoughts. If someone is hurting, it matters. Simple. It doesn’t matter if you think they’re “weak”. It doesn’t matter if they’re ill or not, or you’ve felt the same or not. If someone is hurting, that matters and we should take it seriously.
Showed that all people need to do is care. Just show someone that you care. Even if it’s just asking about their day or giving a compliment or a smile. It can save lives.
Don’t pass something off as normal or teenage drama or a kid being silly. As I said, their pain matters. By not believing them or hearing them out, you are only proving to them that no one cares.
One mean comment or act is enough. When that one comment from you is met by many other “one comment”s, they become a big problem.
Peer pressure is ever so real and ever so dangerous.
Schools just don’t do enough, I’m sorry but they don’t. And why when someone reaches out to an authority figure, they are quizzed and questioned and told to name names in order for anything to be done? Something awful happened, that’s enough for you to make a move. Period.
Mental Health Awareness needs to be taught, practised and talked about regularly in schools, offices, public places, just everywhere.
No one can say Hannah didn’t try to have a good life. She tried to live. She was a good person who had bad things happen to her too often, and with little help or balance in her life. At such a young age, that is damaging, never mind the horrific things she witnessed which would scar anyone for life.
THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK. THINK BEFORE YOU ACT.
You never know what’s going on inside someone’s life. Ask. Care. Or just keep to yourself but don’t you dare take it upon yourself to hurt that person or interfere with their life. Otherwise, ask yourself who the hell you are.
We can never truly understand the thoughts of a suicidal person. We can speak to suicidal people but those who actually go through with it, aren’t around anymore to tell their story. Don’t judge. We can’t possibly understand. Instead just keep an eye out for the signs and reach out if you feel these things for yourself.

Again, watch this show. Please. This review is over-simplistic and I’ve only just finished it so I’m still processing all that I saw. I’m so proud of the world for making this a popular show and sharing it and talking about.

Hopefully, from here on people will start to make changes for the better. Together we can save lives and live better.

My thoughts go out to any victims of suicide.

I WOULD WARN YOU NOT TO WATCH THIS IF YOU ARE HEAVILY DEPRESSED, SELF-HARM OR ARE SUICIDAL. HOWEVER IF YOU ARE IGNORANT TO THE REALITY AND AFFECTS OF THESE THEMES, THEN THE SHOW IS A MUST WATCH FOR YOU.