David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 256
October 4, 2013
Denver: It Was Too Early For The First Snow
Dear Denver: October 4th is way too early for the first day of snow.
I realize that the snow was so minimal that you had to look really closely to even see that it was happening (even when a person was outside), much less actually stick to anything, but still. October 4th is just too early.
Please do something about this. That is all.
October 3, 2013
No AWP For Me This Year
Well, it looks like I won’t be doing AWP in Seattle this year. I’ll be sad to miss it, not to see everyone that I already know and meet some new people, but that’s just the way it’s got to be this year.
To be honest, I originally intended to attend. However, then I heard that the main conference hotel had already booked before I’d even heard that registration was open. Guess I should have been watching closer. At that point, I started rethinking whether or not I was going to go. Obviously, I came out on the negative side.
I’d like to go, but it’s expensive. Also, my wedding is going to be in May, so this year is already going to be tough. I decided this was just more time and expense than I could spare this year.
It’s not like I haven’t been before. I hit Denver, then missed DC. Then I hit both Chicago and Boston. Boston was a really big deal, since my book Bones Buried in the Dirt had just come out. But, no new book this year. That just makes it a little harder to try to come up with the extra money and the free time.
Not to worry, though. I may miss AWP Seattle, but I’m sure I’ll hit AWP Minneapolis next year. Look for me there.
October 2, 2013
My Wife’s Sweater Battle With The Cat Continues
I don’t know why, but I let my wife get a new sweater for the cat this weekend:
As you can imagine, the cat isn’t pleased. You might ask, well, what can the cat do about it?
Good question (glad I asked it). As it happens, we used to have another sweater for the cat. Like this time, it was when I didn’t try to stop my wife from tormenting the cat against my better judgment:
She loved putting that sweater on the cat. However, eventually, the sweater disappeared.
Now, you might think that we just lost this sweater. Given the state of the house, this might normally be a valid assumption. However, we’ve been looking for this sweater for a long time after we lost it. We’ve looked under the bed, in the closets, in the basement, under the couch, and so on. There isn’t many more places it could possibly be. This leaves only one likely conclusion.
The cat got rid of the sweater.
Some people might think this beyond a cat’s capabilities. I do not. She could easily have hid the sweater and then disposed of one thread of it at a time in her litter box, making us unwitting accomplices in her crime. Regardless whether that’s what the cat did or not, the old sweater is gone.
Of course, now we have a new sweater. Let’s see what the cat does about this.
October 1, 2013
Ben John Smith Needs Help
It might be news to you, but Ben John Smith (author of Dancing on Bukowski’s Grave and editor in chief of Horror Sleaze Trash) needs help. If you know of Ben John Smith, then this isn’t a surprise. Regardless, Arthur Graham has a particular reason why he thinks Ben John Smith needs help.
You see, Ben John Smith has apparently been working on a film…but has been taking far too long at it for Arthur Graham’s tastes. The theory seems to be that if we yell at Ben John Smith, he will make the movie faster.
As such, go and like Arthur’s post (there’s better information about all this anyway including links to clips, links to Ben John Smith’s books which you really need to be reading anyway, and all that). Tell your friends to do it too. When his post hits 100 likes, Arthur is going to send Ben John Smith a petition to hurry up and finish the movie.
Remember, you should be the change you want to see in the world…even if that change involves nudity, tasteless and disgusting acts of performance art, and maybe some poetry.
September 30, 2013
My Wife And I Hold Our Own Oktoberfest Celebration
I’ve already whined about Oktoberfest in Denver on Facebook and had already whined about it last year, but that apparently doesn’t stop me from trying to wring a blog post out of the issue. As I’ve mentioned, the Denver Oktoberfest celebration has become a bit different from my wife and I expect. As such, we decided to hold our own Oktoberfest celebration this year.
When we first came to Denver, we were pretty thrilled that the Oktoberfest celebration was held only two blocks from where we were living. However, last year they switched to only selling Samuel Adams. I don’t even drink anymore, but this was a problem. I liked Samuel Adams just fine when I was drinking, but it just isn’t German beer. No Warsteiner. No Paulaner. No Spaten. This year? This year they were apparently serving Samuel Adams and Coors.
As such, when deciding whether or not to go to the celebration, we decided not to. In addition to the beer issue, it just doesn’t feel much like an Oktoberfest celebration anymore. Most of the booths are for things like satellite tv. There is food, but most of it isn’t very German. There are a few brats and ham hock sandwiches, but there isn’t much choice and it is generally pretty expensive. We had to hunt just to find German potato salad. A few people dress up in Bavarian gear, but not many. There is a German band at one side (at least, last year), but a contemporary band was at the other…and you can guess who was far, far louder.
Instead, we went and had dinner at the Golden Europe Restaurant. It wasn’t a festival, but there was much more choices for German food (we both had the German plate with 1/4 Roast Duck, Veal Bratwurst, Pork Schnitzel, German Potato Salad, and Sauerkraut) at cheaper prices, and it felt a lot more German. My wife even had a real German beer (the waitress laughed when we told her that Oktoberfest was apparently selling Samuel Adams and Coors).
Was it the right choice? I don’t know. We didn’t get a festival, but we had a good time. I’m sorry, but I just don’t see the point in going to Oktoberfest if it doesn’t feel much like Oktoberfest. I’d rather just go to a good German restaurant instead.
September 29, 2013
Bukowski I’ve Read
I posted yesterday about various authors I’ve read a lot of and how many books I’d read by each. Far and away, the most went to Charles Bukowski with 45. Based on that, I thought we’d take today to cover exactly which Bukowski I’ve read:
South of No North
Bukowski, Charles
Post Office
Bukowski, Charles
Pulp
Bukowski, Charles
Ham on Rye
Bukowski, Charles
Hot Water Music
Bukowski, Charles
Tales of Ordinary Madness
Bukowski, Charles
The Most Beautiful Woman in Town
Bukowski, Charles
The Captain is Out to Lunch and the Sailors Have Taken Over the Ship
Bukowski, Charles
Notes of a Dirty Old Man
Bukowski, Charles
Play the Piano Drunk Like a Percussion Instrument Until the Fingers Begin to Bleed a Bit
Bukowski, Charles
Shakespeare Never Did This
Bukowski, Charles
Barfly
Bukowski, Charles
Open All Night: New Poems
Bukowski, Charles
Bone Palace Ballet
Bukowski, Charles
Burning in Water, Drowning in Flame
Bukowski, Charles
sifting through the madness for the word, the line, the way
Bukowski, Charles
What Matters Most is How Well You Walk Through the Fire
Bukowski, Charles
You Get So Alone at Times That it Just Makes Sense
Bukowski, Charles
The Night Torn Mad With Footsteps
Bukowski, Charles
Love is a Dog from Hell
Bukowski, Charles
Dangling in the Tournefortia
Bukowski, Charles
There’s No Business
Bukowski, Charles
Slouching Toward Nirvana
Bukowski, Charles
Screams from the Balcony
Bukowski, Charles
Come On In!
Bukowski, Charles
Beerspit Night and Cursing
Bukowski, Charles
Sunlight Here I Am: Interviews and Encounters, 1963-1993
Bukowski, Charles
Living on Luck
Bukowski, Charles
The Continual Condition: Poems
Bukowski, Charles
Absence of the Hero
Bukowski, Charles
Hollywood
Bukowski, Charles
Factotum
Bukowski, Charles
Women
Bukowski, Charles
Septuagenarian Stew
Bukowski, Charles
Betting on the Muse: Poems and Stories
Bukowski, Charles
The Last Night of the Earth Poems
Bukowski, Charles
Mockingbird Wish Me Luck
Bukowski, Charles
The Days Run Away Like Wild Horses Over the Hills
Bukowski, Charles
The Roominghouse Madrigals: Early Selected Poems, 1946-1966
Bukowski, Charles
Bring Me Your Love
Bukowski, Charles
The Flash of Lightning Behind the Mountain: New Poems
Bukowski, Charles
War All the Time
Bukowski, Charles
The Pleasures of the Damned
Bukowski, Charles
The People Look Like Flowers at Last
Bukowski, Charles
Portions from a Wine-Stained Notebook: Uncollected Stories and Essays, 1944-1990
Bukowski, Charles
If anyone noticed that I’m missing any, please speak up.
September 28, 2013
Authors I’ve Read The Most
I noticed that fellow writers Kyle Muntz and Joseph Michael Owens had posted lists recently regarding what authors they had read the most and how many books respectively. I wanted to participate as well, though I’m not as sure of my data.
To be honest, I scrolled through my ‘read’ list on Goodreads and decided to try to find anyone who’d written 8 or more books that I’ve read. That seemed as good a number as any.
Regardless, here’s the list:
Charles Bukowski 45
Philip Roth 28
Honoré de Balzac 21
John Steinbeck 18
Piers Anthony 18
Haruki Murakami 17
Kurt Vonnegut 16
Herman Hesse 14
Hunter S. Thompson 14
Chuck Palahniuk 14
J.P. Donleavy 14
Stephen King 14
Clive Barker 13
Jack Kerouac 13
Sherman Alexie 10
John Fante 10
David Foster Wallace 9
Hugh Lofting 9
Ernest Hemingway 9
Dave Barry 9
Joyce Carol Oates 9
Carlos Castaneda 9
Aleister Crowley 9
Tom Robbins 9
Margaret Atwood 8
Douglas Adams 8
Thomas Pynchon 8
Jasper Fforde 8
Louis-Ferdinand Céline 8
Now, this shouldn’t necessarily be taken as a commentary on these authors, or on authors who aren’t present. Some of these I just liked enough that I was willing to keep reading and they’d written 8 or more books. Some authors I adore, but just haven’t read 8 or more of their books yet. This is just raw data, and possibly inaccurate in case I missed someone/miscounted/or such. Do with it what you will.
September 27, 2013
Bartender’s Bear Orders Show Lack of Foresight
Apparently, bartender of the Alaskan Hotel in Juneau, Alaska Ariel Svetlik-McCarthy wasn’t thinking very far ahead when a bear walked into her bar. She told the bear to get out…and the bear complied. However, if the bear was going to do what it was told and Ariel Svetlik-McCarthy had been thinking clearly, shouldn’t she have set her request a little higher?
I mean, who knows what the bear would have been willing and able to do? Simply getting out doesn’t show much imagination.
Let’s think of a couple:
- Hey, bear, make peace between the US and Iran!
- Hey bear, give me a million dollars!
- Hey bear, buy a copy of David S. Atkinson’s book Bones Buried in the Dirt!
- Hey bear, permanently avert a US government shutdown!
- Hey bear, cure cancer!
See? Granted, I don’t know if the bear could have done any of these things or would have been willing to. However, we’ll never know since no one thought to ask. Compliant bears are pretty rare.
September 26, 2013
The Wild Stegnersaurus
I’ve been reading Wallace Stegner’s Angle of Repose recently and, for some reason, as I’m reading all those descriptions of an Eastern lady in the early west, I keep imagining Wallace Stegner as a dinosaur. Perhaps it’s because Stegner sounds so close to Stego to me, but I’m not really sure.
Regardless, excusing my non-existent graphic and/or graphical program using abilities, I present to you the wild Stegnersaurus:
I apologize to each and all. I had to do this to try to get this out of my head.
September 25, 2013
Mariners-Angels Bee Incident Sounds Like A Cartoon Villain Plot
I don’t pay much attention to sports, but I did pay attention when I heard that a Mariners-Angels game was delayed by bees. Of course, the reason I was paying attention was that it sounded like a cartoon villain plot.
As I understand it, the game was interrupted multiple times when bees came out of the stands and swarmed the field. To my understanding, this is not a normal occurrence in a baseball game.
However…doesn’t it sound like a cartoon villain plot? Perhaps Snidely Whiplash wanted the Angels to win and so he hatched a plot to stir up a bee hive and disrupt the game. Of course, he got stung and the plan went wrong, causing the Mariners to win.
Doesn’t that sound like something you’ve already seen happen in a cartoon? I don’t know if that was the case here, but I hope the ballpark kept their eye out for Snidely in the stands. Just in case.
