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408 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1992
The bluebird
There’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I’m not going
to let anybody see
you.
There’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he’s
in there.
There’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?
There’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too clever, I only let him out
at night some times
when everybody’s asleep.
I say I know that you’re there,
so don’t be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he’s singing a little
in there, I haven’t quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and its nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don’t
weep, do
you?
You know: I’m drunk once again here listening to Tchaikovsky on the radio. Jesus, I heard him 47 years ago when I was a starving writer and here he is again, and now I am a minor success as a writer and death is walking up and down this room smoking my cigars, taking hits of my wine, as Tchaik is working away at the Pathétique, it’s been some journey and any luck I’ve had was because I rolled the dice right.
I often carry things to read so that I will not have to look at the people.
.. as a very young man I divided an equal amount of time between the bars and the libraries; how I managed to provide for my other ordinary needs is the puzzle; well, I simply didn’t bother too much with that— if I had a book or a drink then I didn’t think too much of other things—fools create their own paradise.
..well, death says, as he walks by, I’m going to get you anyhow no matter what you’ve been: writer, cab-driver, pimp, butcher, sky-diver, I’m going to get you…
I have never welcomed the ring of a(The Telephone)
telephone.
“hello,” I will answer
guardedly.
“this is Dwight.”
already you can feel their imbecile
yearning to invade.
“yes, what is it?”
“well, I’m in town tonight and I thought…”
“listen Dwight, I’m tied up, I can’t…”
“well, maybe another time?”
“maybe not…”