David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 253

Dear Fast Food Establishments: Please Don’t Make Less Food Cost More

Dear fast food establishments: please stop making less food cost more. I understand you may have reasons for this. However, it is personally annoying for me. As such, please stop. Thank you.

I understand that you may want to give people a deal, or at least the appearance of such. I understand that at places like Subway, you may want to encourage foot long sales as opposed to six inchers because then you don’t have half loaves of bread remaining. I understand that you may even want to give away product as opposed to throw it away. I understand all these possibilities.

However, despite my understanding, this is still annoying.

For one thing, I know how much food I want when I order. I do not usually want more. If I wanted more, I would order it. I do not need to be encouraged to eat more than I want. Fast food generally does not keep, nor is there usually someone I can give the extras to. What your pricing scheme usually results in is your friendly clerks trying to convince me that I should take more than what I ordered because it is 50 cents cheaper. This is annoying.

Mostly this is annoying because my wife usually only wants a six-inch sandwich at Subway and such. She knows the foot long is cheaper in certain cases, but does not want a foot long. I am already ordering a foot long, and do not want a foot and a half. The food will not be good the next day, but the employees try to be helpful and tell us why we should have more food. Then my wife gets upset about the hassle. We start wishing that we hadn’t come in to begin with.

I don’t think this is the fast food experience most places are going for: annoyance.

Frankly, there is only one solution: don’t make less cost more. Make it the same price, make your clerks stop trying to up-sell even though you aren’t getting additional money, something. Just stop ticking us off.

Thank you.

Traffic Lights To Nowhere

There are a couple of traffic lights in my neighborhood that drive me a little batty. You see, these ones are not at intersections. Instead, they are in the middle of a block. I am not sure what they are for, but I have to stop at them and I don’t know why.

I can understand the ones at intersections. These serve the important function of making sure I don’t hit another car. However, ones in the middle of a block?

These would only make sense if people needed to cross regularly there. However, these are at portions of an ordinary residential block. I’ve never seen anyone cross there. I could understand if kids needed these for travel to and from school, but in such a case…why not have them button activated instead of going at all hours like they do?

I’ve also theorized that they could be trying to manage traffic patterns, but these streets don’t have a lot of traffic. Further, there are street lights at actual intersections that could probably manage such. No, that doesn’t make much sense either.

Frankly, I don’t know what these lights are for. I stop, but I feel stupid just sitting there at a light when no one could possible need me to stop. Believe me, plenty of people don’t stop. That just makes me feel stupider.

A List Of Lists

I’ve always had a problem with lists. Not unordered lists, mind you, but ranked lists. I have a friend who used to have a regular “list Thursday” feature on his blog, though I won’t mention specifically who since he doesn’t really do that anymore. I always wanted to participate, but I just always had trouble ranking things.

I don’t know what it is, but I’ve just always had that problem. I can compare two things, at least sometimes, but actual rankings give me problems. As such, I tend to just make meaningless lists anytime I actually make an ordered list:

In fact here’s one now:

1. grocery list

2. Listeria

3. guest list

4. National Book Award short list

5. sequence listing

6. list datatype

7. mailing list

8. HTML list tag

9. wish list

10. bucket list

I’m Not Planning To Read Much In November

I’m just warning people now: I’m not planning on reading much in November. November is national novel writing month (NANOWRIMO), and I’m planning to try to participate this year. I thought I’d warn people now so that no one became concerned.

You might laugh, but this could actually happen. I’ve had people message me when I took longer than expected with a book, usually because they hadn’t noticed that the book was over 800 pages and it took me more than a day or two. I read a lot and people know it. It’s kind of expected. If I slow down, people might wonder why.

Granted, most people wouldn’t care enough to notice. Still, some people would.

But, I don’t plan to read much in November. I plan to write a new novel instead. It’s going to be a short novel, but a novel none the less. It’s not like I can’t read while working on a novel, but I’m planning on concentrating for NANOWRIMO, so I might not read a whole lot for a little bit.

Everyone can consider themselves warned.

(By the way, if you haven’t voted yet for “Now You See Me” by Joseph Michael Owens over at the Bartleby Snopes story of the month blog, please consider doing so. No signup, providing email, or app installation necessary. Just vote. Time is almost up to vote as voting ends at the end of October, presuming you aren’t reading this after that.)

Consider A Homage To “Once Bitten” This Halloween

I made a reference the other night to Once Bitten only to discover that the person I was talking to had never seen the movie. This is unacceptable. Though it was a somewhat awful movie in my opinion, this piece of early Jim Carrey cinematography cannot be allowed to fade into obscurity this way.

I’m sure YOU all remember, Once Bitten, that mid-eighties vampire movie starring a young Jim Carrey as a high schooler looking to score. He finds an older woman, who of course turns out to be a vampire. She seeks to rejuvenate herself by biting Jim’s character three times, thus turning him into a vampire.

I’m sure you remember the party scene that occurs near the end of the movie. The woman has already bitten Jim’s character two times, and he has started to change. The party is a costume party, but Jim’s character isn’t wearing a costume. However, people keep coming up to him and complimenting him on his vampire costume. “I’m not wearing a costume!” he repeatedly exclaims.

This is where we can do Once Bitten justice. When you go to a Halloween even this year, just start telling people that you like their vampire costume. Don’t even bother waiting for someone not wearing a costume, just do it. Then refuse to explain. Only in this way can we ensure that Once Bitten isn’t forgotten.

Well, maybe this won’t accomplish that at all. It will, however, be fun.

(By the way, if you haven’t voted yet for “Now You See Me” by Joseph Michael Owens over at the Bartleby Snopes story of the month blog, please consider doing so. No signup, providing email, or app installation necessary. Just vote. Time is almost up to vote as voting ends at the end of October.)

It Only Takes Me A Little Over Five Years To Get To Lannie’s Clocktower Cabaret

Well, it only took me a little over five years to finally get to Lannie’s Clocktower Cabaret. The wife and I first saw some of their shows advertised shortly before actually moving to Denver a bit over five years ago. Then we lived in Lodo for a number of years, and just a little way from Lodo the rest of the time since then. However, last night was the first time we actually got there.

For those who don’t know, Lannie’s Clocktower Cabaret is a Lodo/Denver institution. At the very least, it’s a staple of the downtown nightlife. Burlesque, drag shows, comedy, all kind of things. It’s a cool place, and definitely the sort of place my wife and I like to visit. However, though we kept intending to go, it took us over five years to get around to it.

Really, there’s no reason in particular. We’re procrastinators. We just never got around to it.

But then the wife decided we were going to the boo-lesque special of Naughty Pierre’s Burlesque & Comedy Extravaganza with a couple of friends. Don’t get to worked up, though. For those who don’t know, burlesque is not the same as a strip club. It’s definitely for adults, but burlesque is something all its own and definitely isn’t trashy.

And, it was actually a lot of fun. There were some pasties involved, but there was also a lot of humor, acrobatics, and zombies. I’d recommend it to most of my friends in the Denver area. I’m not sure the pope would necessarily enjoy it (though I wouldn’t rule that out necessarily either), but the wife and I had a good time…and it only took us a little over five years to get there.

(By the way, if you haven’t voted yet for “Now You See Me” by Joseph Michael Owens over at the Bartleby Snopes story of the month blog, please consider doing so. No signup, providing email, or app installation necessary. Just vote. Time is almost up to vote as voting ends at the end of October.)

You Need To Reevaluate Your Life If Even The Squirrels Are Out To Get You

I don’t know much, but I know that it’s time to reevaluate your life if even the squirrels are out to get you. Seriously, squirrels? They’re not exactly known for being malicious. If squirrels are out to get you, chances are everyone else is too.

Apparently, an associate math professor at a community college in Iowa called the police after his/her bicycle was vandalized. Another professor came forward with a photograph of the perpetrator: a squirrel. In the span of two days, the squirrel had apparently chewed through two tires, a seat, a headlight, and a tail light. I’m not joking, just look.

Let’s set aside for the moment the fact that this professor ticked off this squirrel enough to chew through inorganic matter (not something I know squirrels to do randomly). Look at the fact that the other professor observed this vandalizing and didn’t stop it. Instead, he/she took pictures.

Granted, perhaps this other professor might say that he/she wanted to obtain proof that the squirrel was responsible and didn’t think anyone would believe him/her. However, I call ‘bull’ on that. I know this professor was laughing when taking the picture. I know that this photo, though provided to the police, was posted somewhere. Squirrel jokes ensued (at the bike owning professor’s expense no less).

See? Squirrels hate this professor. The professor’s coworkers hate this professor. It’s entirely possible that this hatred is undeserved, that the professor is the subject of unfair squirrel persecution, but it raises questions at the very least. This professor needs to take a good look at his/her life and try to figure out where he/she may have crossed the squirrels.

People should not anger the squirrels.

Why I Should Be Allowed To Own A Bear

I would like to state my case as to why I should be able to own a bear. Admittedly, I have not been directly told that I cannot own a bear. However, I see no reason to actually wait for a denial in order to make my case. Let’s just consider this preemptive.

1. I am responsible. I am not the sort of person who would own a bear and then not take care of it. I would not forget to feed my bear, causing it to break into my neighbor’s houses looking for food. I would take good care of my bear.

2. Though my place is only around a thousand finished square feet, I make good use of space. I am sure that I would provide an adequate home environment for my bear.

3. I would not exploit my bear. Though it is entirely possible that I would try to get my bear to wear clown outfits and ride a unicycle, I would only encourage my bear to do so. Whether or not the bear complied would entirely depend on my bear. I would not dream of forcing my wishes onto my bear.

4. I would not name my bear “Yogi,” or “Boo Boo.” I am not a monster.

5. Bears beat Battlestar Galactica. Everyone knows this. However, I do not own any dvds or anything similar of Battlestar Galactica. Thus, I would be able to provide a conflict-free zone in which my bear could live.

Based at least one these above reasons, I believe that no one can legitimately deny that I should be able to own a bear. Local ordinances and/or other applicable law regarding bear ownership aside, I have stated my case.

A Moment Of Blog Silence: Connie The Aunt

A Vote for “Now You See Me” By Joseph Michael Owens Is A Vote For America!

A vote for “Now You See Me” by Joseph Michael Owens is a vote for America! It’s a vote for decency! For mom and apple pie! For baseball! For all that is good and true in the world! Okay, maybe it is or isn’t any of those things, I might just be getting a little excited here, but I’d like you to consider going over and voting Joe’s story “Now You See Me” for story of the month over at Bartleby Snopes.

I’m sure you all remember how this works. I bugged everyone a few months ago to vote my story (“The Des Moines Kabuki Dinner Theatre“) for story of the month, and you all helped out. Now we can do the same for Joe. You can just go over and vote. No need to sign up for anything, sign in, download any apps, sign up for any apps, or anything. Just vote.

It’s a great story. I’m incredibly proud to say that I looked at this one and gave Joe some comments while he was working on it. I loved what he ended up coming up with.

Regardless, take a look at this month’s stories and at least vote for somebody. However, I do have to admit that I’d prefer it if you voted for “Now You See Me.”