Luna Carruthers's Blog, page 33

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

Hi folks, I’ve spent this week being sick again. Winter really knocks me on my butt sometimes. It’s the same thing so maybe I didn’t completely get it tackled last time. So, I’ve been resting up and much as possible. I hope your week has gone better than mine!

Book Club Event – “Enough to Make You Blush” by Princess Kali We are in week three of our book club and are reading chapters 8-14. Make sure you stop by the post and share your thoughts on the book and ask questions for the author! Princess Kali will be available in the comments to answer your questions and respond to comments.

Are you a Fan of Submissive Guide? Join the Ranks!
If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a fan of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $1 US a monthyou can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. In return you’ll get perks and rewards like discount codes for ebooks, freebies and one on one time with me! Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:
This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

Understanding the Reason Behind, “Am I The Only One?” and How to Respond (With a Bit of Netiquette Rules)
Enough to Make You Blush – Subguide Book Club Week 3: Ch 8-14

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask Submissive Guide Advice Column

The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

Ask Submissive Guide – Taking Care of Your Dominant from a Distance by Kayla Lords

Dear lunaKM,

I’m starting to enter a long distance d/s relationship as a sub. You have a lot of excellent articles about self aftercare for subs in ldrs, which I’ve made good use of, but I’m wondering if you have any advice for how to look after your dom long distance? Sincerely, Long Distance Sub

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

This Week’s Discussion on Submissive Guide’s FetLife Group

Come join in the discussions on FetLife where you can find other readers and followers of Submissive Guide. Discussions hosted by MRs. Darling and myself.

Braving the Kinky Discussion

Saw this great article on the website: Getting Over Your Fears to Talk about Your Newfound DesiresWas it hard for you to brave that open, honest conversation about your kinky desires? How was it received? Was it better or worse than feared? What suggestions do you have for others braving that conversation with a new or current partner?

Join the FetLife group for more support and conversation.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2015: A Day in the Life: cyberkittenXLS
In 2014: Book Review: Natural Law: 2 (Nature of Desire)
In 2013: Don’t I Know You From Somewhere? – Encountering People You Know at a Munch
In 2012: What is Submission to You?
In 2011: DIY: How to Make a Duct Tape Flogger

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

“If I have been of service, if I have glimpsed more of the nature and essence of ultimate good, if I am inspired to reach wider horizons of thought and action, if I am at peace with myself, it has been a successful day.” – Alex Noble
Do D/s relationships tend to develop more quickly than vanilla relationships? Is it just a perception or is there something to this?
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!

Featured Podcast of the Week – The Fearless Submissive

TFS- Episode 69

16 Feb 2016, 4:50am GMT

→ The Fearless Submissive

Knowing your anger. What makes you angry and how do you handle it? (AKA when Julie got really angry but didn’t completely lose her shit.) Sorry about the loud background, I must have been driving next to a big truck!!!

MP3 audio (55MB, 60min)

Podcast RSS

iTunes subscribe

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on February 21, 2016 10:00

Enough to Make You Blush – Subguide Book Club Week 3: Ch 8-14

Welcome to Week 3: Today through February 25th

Read and discuss Chapters 8-14

There are a lot of new and interesting activities in this reading section! I admit to enjoying a few of them *blush*.

If you’re here, you have read the 3rd part, or are currently reading it!

Please go ahead and start (or continue) the conversation! Remember to come back to continue to respond to others who comment throughout the week (and month)! Write as much or as little as you please, and don’t forget to link your own blog if you have one!

Think about what you read and reflect on the activities!

Only post about Chapters 8-14, please! Spoilers totally allowed for those chapters, but no spoilers for the remainder of the book, please! Save those for the later posts.

Haven’t finished this week’s reading yet? Come back when you’re done and join in the conversation!

Next week: Ch. 15-End

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on February 19, 2016 07:00

Ask Submissive Guide – Taking Care of Your Dominant from a Distance

Thank you Kayla Lords for answering this question for a reader!

Dear lunaKM,

I’m starting to enter a long distance d/s relationship as a sub. You have a lot of excellent articles about self aftercare for subs in ldrs, which I’ve made good use of, but I’m wondering if you have any advice for how to look after your dom long distance?

Sincerely,
Long Distance Sub

Dear Long Distance Sub,

You raise an excellent point in your question. A lot of information is available for taking care of submissives – either when you’re together or in a long distance relationship, but what about a Dominant?

As always, every situation is unique, and the best place to start is through communication.

Ask your Dominant how they’re doing.
Encourage them to share their thoughts with you.
Offer support and encouragement when you know they’re stressed or upset.
Ask how you can help them feel better.

If your D/s relationship is like many, simply telling your Dominant what to do isn’t going to go over well. Gently suggest options that may help them feel better when they’re faced with stressful situations.

Dominants (the good ones) spend a lot of time taking care of their submissive, offering reassurance, handling the responsibilities of a Dominant, and being in charge and in control.

Basic gratitude and acknowledgement of all they do can go a long way in helping them feel good about themselves and what they’re doing. It’s also a good way to reassure them that you appreciate what they do for you.

You can also show them in little ways that they’re on your mind:

Love notes through text message and email.
Small gifts meant to make them smile – nothing large or expensive, simple tokens to surprise them.

Think of the things you want your Dominant to do for you when you need love, support, reassurance, or just a little extra care when you’re separated by miles. Adjust those things to fit your Dominant’s personality and then do the things you know you’d appreciate.

Dominants can be harder to take care of because they won’t always admit when they’re feeling bad or having a rough time of it. Treat them with gratitude and respect, remind them of your feelings, and do small things to remind them you’re thinking of them – it goes a long way in helping them feel better, respected, appreciated, and loved.

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on February 17, 2016 07:00

Understanding the Reason Behind, “Am I The Only One?” and How to Respond (With a Bit of Netiquette Rules)

from the Submissive Guide Newsletter for 11/07/15

Have you ever felt like you are all alone in this loud crowded world of kink? That the things you enjoy are uncommon. Or perhaps you have circumstances that govern how you play or what your relationships are like. It’s not that you are alone, not at all. The world of kink is huge and there are people just like you out there. But screaming above the din may be hard.

So why do you feel like you must be the only one who feels a certain way or wants to experience one thing or another that no one else could possibly enjoy? I know I felt very alone when I first started exploring BDSM because I was doing it online. It was safe, I was married at the time and the only way I had to learn and explore was through the computer. Going to my local munch I felt like everyone stared at me like I was a freak, that online chick and that I wasn’t a real kinkster since I didn’t have a Dom I could see and play with. I’ve definitely moved past being an online submissive but not before I learned some very valuable things about me and why I felt so alone.

If you frequent the online forums for BDSM or kink it’s a common question from a lot of people; “am I the only one?” And you will often get the same answer although it could be nice or snarky.

“No, there are far too many kinky people for you to be the only one.”

“Yes, you are just a special little snowflake.”

The underlying response to this question is simple, but the reason the person asked it is because it doesn’t feel simple to them. I agree, that some of you may think this person it just looking for attention but it could also be something else entirely. So, perhaps you put your feet in their shoes for a moment. Here’s a few of the reasons these questions come up so much;

1. They feel alone. Often these are the people who have just started exploring their desires and have only recently got the guts to ask questions and look for more information. The internet is full of people looking for answers to these questions that appear so simple, for the plain truth that they need to feel like they are part of something larger. And what is coming back to them is while the internet is so vast, they feel like they are all alone in it.

2. They feel like they shouldn’t be interested or like “X”. This person has probably been taught to walk the line, be socially acceptable and not rock the boat. Realizing they may be different is jarring. I get messages all the time from people asking me if it’s okay to like spanking or why it’s okay to enjoy being called a slut during sex. And these are the tame ones. They need confirmation that they are normal it what they are learning about themselves is normal.

3. They don’t want to be considered weird, but really need to know if it’s true. This one piggy-backs the previous. The person has all these thoughts that collide and they are afraid that if they tell someone that they will be considered a freak and may even lose relationships for their desires. Part of their asking if they are the only one is to provide their reasoning with ammo to use against those who would tell them they are freaks. And still more need to convince themselves they aren’t strange.

4. They don’t know how to find like-minded people to talk to about the things they are learning about themselves. It’s a comfort to know that there are other people out there that will get you. Even if you aren’t fast friends, the fact you can find a group of people who will listen to you non-judgmentally and understand where you are coming from is a confidence boost.

Once you can see why these questions come up what do I ask you do about it? Give the person compassion, not snark. Help them if you feel you can. Don’t make them feel like their question is stupid and useless. Even if they are just looking for attention, you can bet that there are other people, lurkers, that really want to know the answer to that question. This is all a part of good social etiquette online.

Wait, you don’t know what good social etiquette is on forums? There are no clear rules, but below are some guidelines you may want to follow:

Read the forums rules and guidelines before posting for the first time.
Search the other posts to see if your topic is already covered.
Use a meaningful title for your thread.
Do not use a forum to promote your product, service or business.
Be civil. Personal differences should be handled through email or IM and not through posts displayed to everyone.
Stay on topic.
Ignore spammers, respond to them personally and not through the board, or report them.
In order to be understood by most people, use correct spelling, grammar and avoid slang unless you know the word or phrase will be understood by other members.
Do not double post (post the same message twice in one thread) or cross post (place the same message across several forums).
Act in a give and take manner; help others as often as or more than you ask for help.
Do not use all caps or SHOUT in your posts. In addition, one exclamation point is enough.
When replying to a post, do not quote more from the previous post than you have to.
Do not post new problems on someone else’s thread and interrupt a topic of discussion.
Do not use someone else’s thread for a private conversation.
Watch your sense of humor, posts may be read by people from a variety of backgrounds and ages.
Do not use a huge and annoying signature, a modest signature is fine, moderators may remove large ones anyway.
Do not post any information that you want private. Posts should not contain personal, identifiable information or content embarrassing to others.
Do not post content that violates a copyright or the site’s terms of service. Note: That implies you’ve read the terms of service.
Do not post ”empty” or useless responses, such as just ”lol” or ”cool.” Only post responses when you have something to contribute.
Write concisely and do not ramble.
Do not use words like ”urgent” or ”important” in your subject line, be patient.
Do not chastise newbies.
Do not comment on the personal situation surrounding the question unless it directly pertains to what the person is seeking.
Don’t Be A Troll. A “troll” is a person who breaks netiquette on a regular basis by posting inflammatory messages (called a flame) when responding to other users in the forums.
With this list, I hope you can learn to embrace the new person and help them come to terms with how they are feeling. And if you just needed a reminder on how to act on forums, this was useful to you also. You were there once.
Thoughts to Ponder

Have you ever felt that you were alone when it came to something related to kink? How did you resolve that feeling?
Were you ever treated poorly in a forum when you asked what you thought was an honest question?

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on February 15, 2016 07:00

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

Hi folks,

I’ve really found a great way to remain productive and I wish I had found it sooner, but that’s the Bullet Journal. I can’t help but talk about it every day. It’s a task management system that is analog (meaning you write it down) and while I love my digital home care binder, this little book of tasks and lists has really made a breakthrough in my everyday “get shit done” stress. I’ve never felt more organized and productive. And I’m a journal junkie. I’m always attracted to them at book stores even if I can’t think of anything I’d want to put in them. Now I have a reason to get pretty journals! Once I use the one I purchased years ago without a plan I’m going to seek a new journal and when that day happens I just might share my joy of the system with you. Would you be interested?

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Book Club Event – “Enough to Make You Blush” by Princess Kali

We are in week two of our book club and are reading chapters 4-7. Make sure you stop by the post and share your thoughts on the book and ask questions for the author! Princess Kali will be available in the comments to answer your questions and respond to comments.

Are you a Fan of Submissive Guide? Join the Ranks!
If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a fan of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $1 US a monthyou can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. In return you’ll get perks and rewards like discount codes for ebooks, freebies and one on one time with me!Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:
This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

by kallista
Getting Over Your Fears to Talk About Your Newfound Desires
Enough to Make You Blush: – SubGuide Book Club Week 2: Ch 4-7

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask Submissive Guide Advice Column

The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

Ask Submissive Guide – BDSM and Sexual Experience by Kayla Lords

Dear lunaKM,

Can a virgin with no sexual experience be a sub? Everything I know about submission is from the internet, is it possible that I am actually not into this?

Thanks,
Online Submissive, Real Life Virgin

and

Dear lunaKM,

Hello, my question is what should I do about my feelings and curiosity towards BDSM? I have always wondered about it since I was around the age of 12. It’s kind of awkward for me to talk about because I’m now 22 years old and still haven’t had basic sex (do you see my problem?). There’s no one I feel I could talk to without being judged. I don’t know what to do and I’m starting to think that there is something wrong with me but if you could give me some advice anything at this point is greatly appreciated.

Thank you,
Curious about BDSM

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

This Week’s Discussion on Submissive Guide’s FetLife Group

Come join in the discussions on FetLife where you can find other readers and followers of Submissive Guide. Discussions hosted by MRs. Darling and myself.

Orgasm Control – Your Path

In the last Newsletter, I shared a bit of my personal path with orgasm control and gave some tips on getting started.

Let’s turn this into a discussion: do you/have you practiced Orgasm Control?

What’s your gut opinion on the topic? Love it? Loathe it? Mixed emotions? What are some of the struggles? The benefits? Are you concerned about it’s long term impact?

Join the FetLife group for more support and conversation.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2015: When He Slapped Me: My Impressions of Face Slapping
In 2014: What a Romantic Dominant/submissive Relationship Looks Like
In 2013: Rule #1 – Don’t Touch Anything Without Permission
In 2012: 22 Deal Breakers that May Be Preventing Your One from Approaching You by Laney Doll
In 2011: The Honor Notebook

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

Why do you define yourself as submissive? Try to steer away from ‘I like to serve’ and see what other things you have to offer.
What do you look for in your perfect Dominant?

Part 1: I am… In the style of an affirmation or poem list your roles, strengths, and weaknesses.

Part 2: I believe… Following your exploration of who you are, what are your beliefs, faith, internal voice, and feelings.

Part 3: Using part one and two as a starting point: how does my submission enrich my life, follow my beliefs, and help me be the best I am in my service.

Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!

Featured Podcast of the Week – The People of Kink

TPOK Minicast 50 – Love Not Judgement

14 Feb 2016, 6:00am GMT

→ The People of Kink

This is a special Valentines addition of TPOK Minicasts. We are a lifestyle of such variety and difference. We strive to stand up and go our own way and not be held back by the status quo. Somewhere along that path people began to bring judgement against people. The people that were different were judged and pushed back. We began to lose what is in our opinion so wonderful about this lifestyle. We are losing individuality because of it. Why judge when we can love? Why mock when we should celebrate? Being different and going your own way is one of the reasons why most people joined this lifestyle. We hope we never lose that.

MP3 audio (16MB, 18min)

Podcast RSS

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Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on February 14, 2016 10:00

Enough to Make You Blush: – SubGuide Book Club Week 2: Ch 4-7

Welcome to Week 2: Today through February 18th

Read and discuss Chapters 4-7

If you’re here, you have read the second part, or are currently reading it!

Please go ahead and start (or continue) the conversation! Remember to come back to continue to respond to others who comment throughout the week (and month)! Write as much or as little as you please, and don’t forget to link your own blog if you have one!

Some thoughts and questions to help you while you read:

How would you start a discussion about humiliation as a kink with your partner?
Are there any dangers to exploring erotic humiliation?
What do you know about verbal humiliation as a kink?
What do you know about foot fetish?

Only post about Chapters 4-7, please! Spoilers totally allowed for those chapters, but no spoilers for the remainder of the book, please! Save those for the later posts.

Haven’t finished this week’s reading yet? Come back when you’re done and join in the conversation!

Next week: Ch. 8-14

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on February 12, 2016 08:00

Ask Submissive Guide – BDSM and Sexual Experience

Thank you Kayla Lords for tackling these questions!

We received two questions both asking about BDSM and sexual experience, so in an effort to help everyone with the same kinds of questions, today is a two-fer.

Dear lunaKM,

Can a virgin with no sexual experience be a sub? Everything I know about submission is from the internet, is it possible that I am actually not into this?

Thanks,
Online Submissive, Real Life Virgin

Dear lunaKM,

Hello, my question is what should I do about my feelings and curiosity towards BDSM? I have always wondered about it since I was around the age of 12. It’s kind of awkward for me to talk about because I’m now 22 years old and still haven’t had basic sex (do you see my problem?). There’s no one I feel I could talk to without being judged. I don’t know what to do and I’m starting to think that there is something wrong with me but if you could give me some advice anything at this point is greatly appreciated.

Thank you,
Curious about BDSM

Thank you both for your questions, and I think both of you bring up something a lot of people go through – whether they’ve had sex or not.

Is there anything wrong with you for being interested in BDSM? Not at all. When done in a healthy way with full consent of everyone involved, it can be very fulfilling.

And can you really be into BDSM or a submissive if you’ve had no experience? My initial answer is yes you can, but it comes with a caveat.

In today’s online world where our best friends live on different continents and we meet people on Facebook but will never have a cup of coffee with them in our hometown, it’s absolutely possible to have real experiences and learn about new things and people from the internet.

So if most of what you know is from what you’ve seen online, read in books, or even watched in porn, it’s a legitimate interest of yours, and I encourage you to continue learning all that you can.

That being said, I will warn you that when you eventually have your first real taste of BDSM, whether as a submissive or in some other role, it may not match up with what you’ve read or how you build it up in your head. The reality of something is always different from the fantasy of it. That doesn’t mean it won’t be great just different.

To the first question, you won’t really know if you’re into it until you have some experience with it. And it may take a few partners before you really know what you like and how you like it.

Being submissive isn’t just about what you do in bed, it’s about serving and submitting to a Dominant in whatever capacity you both agree. Yes, a lot of us prefer our D/s with sex, but it’s certainly not a requirement. There are Dominants who mentor and train submissives – helping them learn if this is what they really want or giving them a taste of the lifestyle – with little or no sexual activity.

If you seek out a Dominant to help you with this, be safe, listen to your instincts (run away from anyone who gives you bad vibes), get references from other submissives, and take your time learning about them before you agree to let them train you.

Now for both of you, to find out if you’re really into this and if it’s something you want to explore outside of the realm of fantasy, I encourage you to join the BDSM community.

In your local area, I’m sure there are groups that get together for munches (kinky meet-ups in vanilla settings) and there may be a BDSM dungeon or two.

If you’re not ready for that step yet, join a few online communities. Forums and groups are available in multiple places like Fetlife and Facebook to learn from others, ask questions, and learn more about the lifestyle.

Meeting other kinksters will help you feel a little less alone in all of this, while giving you some realistic perspectives of what BDSM can look like and mean for other people.

The other thing I’d like to address, because it’s a common misconception, is that BDSM, including submission, isn’t always sexual. You can have BDSM experiences – like a scene – without having sex. Don’t let anyone tell you that because you’re not having sex with someone whom you aren’t able to learn more about BDSM or try new things.

Continue to explore your feelings. Read and learn as much as you can about the lifestyle. Find groups – online or offline – where you can ask questions and meet people. By the time you become sexually active, you may have a better idea of what you want and need, with or without BDSM. And hopefully, you’ll feel less alone.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on February 10, 2016 07:00

Ornamental Value: a reflection on my submissive style

I’ve been a practicing submissive for roughly five years now; most of that time has been in a long distance capacity, but regardless, my role as a sub has played an integral part in shaping my role in my relationship with the person who is not only my Dominant, but (I hope) my life mate. We’ve faced a fair few challenges over the past five years, the least of which being the development of my submission and her Dominance, but as we trundle tenaciously towards living with each other on a permanent basis, there’s been quite a lot of introspection on my part regarding the continued development of my role as my partner’s sub. Questions like, “What exactly do I bring to this relationship?” and “How do I define my submission to other subs in the community?” have become fairly compelling—the former because my Dom and I have substantially different sex-drives, and the latter because I write for Submissive Guide. The questions felt like they’d go hand-in-hand, which was helpful, and I felt like I had bits and pieces of the answers, which was also helpful, but I felt (and still feel) that they were important enough questions to merit coherent, easily articulated responses rather than haphazard Kind-of-Sort-of turns of phrase.

Living with my Dom for a longer period of time has allowed us to develop some rough routines and expectations that we’ll continue to develop as time progresses, and these have begun to help me form answers to the questions that I’ve been asking on and off from the beginning of my submission. Although these revelations are not fully developed, nor are they necessarily permanent, I felt sharing them would help readers understand how aspects of one’s relationship can shift and change as the relationship progresses.

The first thing I’ve realized is that the answers to my questions are definitely connected. The way I submit should not only fulfill my needs, but the needs of my Dom as well; part of what makes people compatible with each other is the willingness and ability to recognize and fulfill the needs of their partners without compromising or giving up their own needs. What I bring to the relationship should essentially be the aspects of my Dom’s needs that she cannot fulfill herself, and those aspects should thereby define my submission to her.

For the most part, my Dom’s list of needs is fairly short, but one of the more defining components that she receives enjoyment from is observing when I’m being admired by others and knowing that I belong to her. A lot of the rules that I had when starting out related directly to the clothing that I was and wasn’t allowed to wear, her knowing what I was wearing, marking myself with her name to indicate that I belonged to her, etc.; the majority of my rules still related to these areas of my life, though some of them have become more prominent and some rules have fallen away. My Dom’s pleasure is still primarily derived from knowing that other people find me attractive and that I belong to her, regardless, so what I bring to the relationship, as of past and present, has been a sort of decorative appeal, and I tend to fall into the role of eye candy when we’re out together.

At home, we have an even exchange of caring for each other. I take care of the house, make sure that there’s food on the table, that the room stays tidy, bring tea for her when she’s working. In exchange, my Dom might brush my hair, help bathe me, choose my clothes, or allow me to sit at her feet and pet me. She fulfills my needs by giving a sense of control and expectation to daily routines, and I fulfill hers by making sure that our living space is relaxing.

Regarding what I bring to the relationship, the above is pretty straight forward. Regarding how I define my submission, the above kind of throws a wrench into the machine. Humans like to label things, and while simple forms of identification rarely seem to work, a good part of the population, including myself, likes for things to be fairly neatly compartmentalized. I don’t think that anyone likes to feel like they’ve been filed under “miscellaneous,” and we certainly don’t like saying that we’re part of a group that we don’t feel a distinct kinship with, so looking at the rather rough sketch of my role and responsibilities as a sub, then trying to find a label for myself, felt a bit like inviting trouble. On the one hand, my role outside of the house was fairly on par with what I’d read about bimbofication, but my fashion sense looks nothing like Barbie’s, and I’m way too proud of my intellect to even pretend like I’m ditzy; likewise, my clothing and make up outside of the house fluctuates in the narrow margins of neo-vintage to classy street fashion. So the function was in line with bimbofication, but the execution felt strikingly different. Likewise, I couldn’t really call myself furniture, because my Dom encourages me to talk and interact with people so that she has the benefit of watching me engage with others. I retain a personality and function completely separate from the way that I dress, and in addition to the expectation that I be admirable to others.

At home, I can’t exactly call myself a housewife, because although I take care of a lot of the domestic aspects of the household, my Dom fulfills roles that aren’t exactly relative to the image of a housewife, and I might be bathed and pampered like a child or a pet, but neither of have been overly bothered by the aspects of Little or Pet play outside of my Dom going out of her way to pamper me on a physical level when the occasion arises. And I’m certainly not a slave, because my Dom and I are both adamant that I retain the right to choose whether to obey her at each command rather than having a pre-standing agreement that takes that choice away. So, for a while, I’ve been stuck in a sort of strange void between bimbo and furniture, and little and pet, and housewife and slave. My submission reflects pieces of each, but none of them fit wholly with what I bring to the table as a sub—quite the problem if you’re looking for a concise explanation of your function to other subs.

It’s been fairly recently that my Dom and I settled on the term “ornament” for a description of my submission. I’m not sure if I decided it was a good word, or if she did, but I think it carries the right impression: alluring and feminine, both physically and intellectually designed to attract attention in roughly the same way that any decoration does, but I’m cared for, pampered, just like any breakable, expensive thing that you might set out for display. My Dom gets the benefit of watching others react to me, and vise-versa, but she gets the pleasure of helping to take care of me without the obligation of the roleplay that seems to accompany Little and Pet dynamics. The housework just seems like it’s an even exchange: she has a full time job, and I don’t. When she gives me specific jobs to do around the house, I follow her instructions, but for the most part, I run the house fairly independently from my submission.

Whether the distinction of “ornament” will become my long term identification or just a passing phrase until we find something better remains to be seen, but for now, it suits me, and maybe it will suit others.

So how do you identify? What acts of submission do you perform to fulfill your Dom’s needs? How does your submission inside the house compare to outside? Share below!

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on February 09, 2016 07:00

Getting Over Your Fears to Talk About Your Newfound Desires

from the Submissive Guide Newsletter 10/10/15

A friend of mine called me up the other day to talk. She wanted to know how to talk to her partner about some new kink desires that she had. See she’s what I have always considered kink-lite compared to the way KnyghtMare and I live so while she’s easy to get along with we don’t usually connect on a kink level. They’ve dabbled in the bedroom a bit but nothing more than that. She’s started having desires for more but had a few hang ups she wanted advice on how to get over. First, she’s shy when it comes to talking about sex or her body. She’s afraid of being rejected and she’s not sure how her partner will respond. She repeated over and over that she doesn’t want to lose him over this but she would really like to explore more than they currently are.

It’s a struggle that a lot of you are currently going through as well, if my email inbox is a good example. So, let’s talk about this fear we have and how to overcome it enough to talk to our partners. First, some assumptions; I’m going to assume that you’ve been in this relationship long enough to have had sex or kinky play for a while and that you are comfortable with them outside the bedroom too. I’d like to assume that your fears are related to how to broach the subject and how they might react. Hopefully I’ll be able to help the majority of you with these assumptions.

Now I know that much of society is pretty hush-hush about anything to do with sex or intimacy and our families don’t talk about it either. So we never learn that it’s okay to talk about sex with our partners. It’s probably why a lot of fear comes into play when we think about talking to our partners about changes or additions to our sex lives. It doesn’t mean what they are doing is wrong but it can feel that way when you’ve not learned to talk about sex or what your intimacy needs are with your partner.

Let’s start with that initial discussion. Getting up the nerve is hard because it makes you vulnerable and open. You are exposing a new and fresh part of yourself. You may be uncomfortable talking about sex or using the vocabulary to get your point across. If that’s you, then practice. Work up to it by using the mirror in the bathroom, talk to yourself in the car when you are alone and the shower. If you sound together and confident it will come off when you finally sit your partner down to talk.

A lot of shyness is actually overcome by learning more about what makes you clam up to begin with. If talking about sex or body parts makes you shy away, then start reading and learning about it more. As you become more familiar with the subject, whatever it may be, your shyness may subside. Do your research so that you can answer questions that may come up also. I know I’m uncomfortable talking about things that I know little about but have a curious interest or desire. Information definitely helps you with fear related to that.

If your shyness is interfering with a lot of your normal life then perhaps you should seek some counseling to help you overcome it. I’m not trained in that and can’t help you in that way. Please seek professional help. You don’t have to live a life afraid and withdrawn if you don’t want to.

Sometimes the fear you feel is because you don’t know how to broach the subject. In cases like that perhaps you should start with hints. Leave a book about BDSM or a kinky romance novel out on the table. Open some browser tabs with information on the things that you might want to try. Also you can suggest small things in the heat of passion, but keep them tame. Suggest a little bondage, or blindfolds or more forceful sex, maybe a bit of playful spanking.

If you are afraid of losing your partner over expressing your desires then maybe you have more issues in your relationship than these and you are thinking that throwing yet another thing into the mix will break the relationship. If not, then there’s no reason to want to explore and connect with your partner. Sure, adding kinky things is scary for the uninitiated but if you don’t talk about it you will never know your partner’s feelings on the subject. Would you leave a relationship if your partner came to you and wanted to add something to your sex life? (We aren’t talking opening the relationship here, that’s a different flavor of soda all together.)

Being afraid of how they might respond is normal, but if you don’t share your interests at all, can you live without it? They can’t read your mind, but I bet they can sense that something is on your mind and they are waiting for you to come out and say it. Stop living in fear, the worst isn’t always going to happen. They could happily embrace your kinky nature just as easily as they could question it.

In the case of my friend, I gave her some resources so she could learn more about the activities she wanted to try so that when she did sit down with her partner she was more prepared. The promised to practice in the car traveling to and from work until she was ready and she’d make an appointment with her therapist to talk about her shyness with sex topics in general to see if she could overcome some of the social programming she learned as a child.

What have we learned? Many of our cultures and societies don’t talk about sex or the desires one may have and we learn that it’s a taboo thing to talk about, even with our partners. Breaking down the barriers will help. Information and practice will help you with the fears of not knowing what to say when you approach the subject. Overcoming your shyness can not only help you with talking to your partner but could open you up to experiencing more in life in general. You can’t live your life afraid of how someone will respond to something that’s becoming important to you.

Once you know why you are afraid to talk to your partner you can work to relieve that stress because communication is so very important to your relationship. You can’t control how they will respond, but at least you will be confident in your approach.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on February 08, 2016 07:00

The X2 Orgasmatron and The Squirter

Or: How a Good Submissive Found Her Dominant Side

by Maria Weis

I have been in the kink scene for a little while. My involvement spawned from not only being a pony player, but also finding my love of whips, electricity and even some fireplay. Since getting involved, I have learned many things about myself. A couple of those being all misconceptions will be broken and never say never because soon you’ll be doing that which has scared you. I’ve discovered that I must have an open mind when entering any kink scene, since I might not know which events will turn me on and which ones won’t.

Early on I viewed myself as a submissive. Being a submissive allowed me to taste different kinks without the pressure of being a Dom. I have to admit that in a way I used being a submissive to get over my own insecurities and misconceptions about the kink scene. I remember one time in particular that my preconceived notions were shattered when I tried fire cupping for the first time.

Wikipedia defines fire cupping or just cupping as “an ancient form of alternative medicine in which a local suction is created on the skin; practitioners believe this mobilizes blood flow in order to promote healing. Suction is created using heat (fire) or mechanical devices (hand or electrical pumps).”

Participating in my first fire cupping I was pretty scared, as I really am not a fan of fire. However one of my good friends who would be performing the scene explained how safe it was, and that they use every precaution. With my fears slightly calmed I took off my clothes and got onto the table face down. The experience was nothing short of amazing. I felt so relaxed after, and even though I had the octopus looking marks on my back for a couple of weeks I would definitely enjoy that again. .As I became more comfortable in the BDSM scene my partner and I started to be invited to the house parties. It was at one of these house parties my inner dom came out.

During one of the house play parties my partner and I were invited to, I met a girl who could soak an entire bed. The three of us had played previously, and she had given her consent. My partner then reached into our bag of goodies and pulled out some restraints. He then proceeded to restain Becky (not her real name) with legs spread and arms above her head. We propped up a pillow so she couldn’t see what we were bringing out. All she heard was “ruuuuuummmmble”. At first she was a little scared and said “Yellow”, but as soon as we showed her the toy she screamed, “GREEN!”

Now let me explain a bit about the toy we brought. This toy looks a bit odd at first, and thoughts of “What is that?” may occur. However the power behind this toy is equal to none. The X2 Orgasmatron is, for all intents and purposes, a sex machine even though it’s about the size of a Magic Wand.

Getting back to the sexy story: We put on the Jane Dildo Attachment and, starting with the lowest setting, I rubbed the X2 up and down her body. Taking great care I paused a little bit around the nipples and just inside her thigh, not quite touching her labia/clit. Finally, I slipped the X2 dildo inside. It was probably about 5 seconds, maybe 10 seconds tops, and we had was Niagra falls! I couldn’t believe this little toy could make someone squirt so much. I was excited, energized, and could not wait to try this toy on other people.

After that first experience using the X2 on another person, I had awoken my inner Dom. I love watching subs squirm and writhe with orgasmic bliss. This would be my introduction into becoming more of a switch than a submissive.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on February 06, 2016 07:00