Luna Carruthers's Blog, page 82

Learn to Let Go of the Past

I love the movie Frozen. I love it so much, I can’t quite stress how much I love it. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I have watched this movie, but I can tell you it has been enough that Daddy can tune it out when I’m watching it for the millionth time. I love the story and oh I so love the music. My favorite song from the movie is “Let it Go”. Even though I have ZERO singing talent, I will still belt the song out while Elsa is on top of that snowy mountain.

Last night, I was watching Frozen. Got to the point of the movie where Elsa is standing alone on top of the snowy mountain and finally shedding the persona she’s had to have her entire life and how free she finally feels and something clicked in my head that had never clicked before. I have forgotten how amazing and freeing it feels to let go; to let go of anything-an act or persona you have to put on while around certain people or during certain situations, of a painful past or haunting memory. All of us have things we need to let go of, no matter whether we’re vanilla, submissive, or dominant and holding onto these things are usually more harmful than what most people realize.

While I do realize there are times in our lives where we have to act a specific way, like at work, around children and other family members, and the general public at times and that can’t be helped. Unfortunately, we live in a society where being involved in the lifestyle is viewed in a very negative fashion by the majority of the outside world. Something that I have come to realize is that throughout life we have to let go of what when can where we can.

Letting go of our past baggage isn’t something that’s easy to do. It’s extremely hard to and it’s something that I have severely been struggling with. Some days aren’t so bad, but other ones, those are not pretty days at all. I’ve been able to notice that basically holding onto all this useless bullshit has really affected my submission, and not in a good way. One of the biggest reasons why it’s hard to let go of past relationships and baggage is because we continue to blame ourselves for the things that happened in the past, even if they were things that were out of our control. Not only that, but when our owners are struggling with their own past, it’s hard for us to not be affected because of that whole “It bugs the shit out of my Master, so it’s something that tends to bug the shit out of me” thing. It doesn’t help either when said baggage constantly manages to make itself visible from time to time, especially when it’s trying to provoke a response.

Some tricks that I have found to help let go, or at least lessen the inner turmoil:

 

Write a letter to the person who you resent, but let them see it. Best thing to do(for me anyways)is to put in a blank envelope and drop it in the mail box.
Buy some balloons, go somewhere pretty and let them go and watch them float up into the sky.
Journaling- This helps you to get everything down on paper(or a word document)and get everything out of your system. Purging can be a good thing and don’t feel bad if you have to repeat this step a time or two. It takes awhile to process everything.
Ask for help-Don’t be ashamed to ask. This is something everybody struggles with, whether they admit it or not. Your owner may not have the answer, but I’m more than willing to bet they want to help you through this process.

 

I’ve also found a couple of websites with some really great ideas;  Ten Tips to Let Go of the Past & Embrace the Future and How to Let Go of a Past Relationship: Ten Tips Move on Peacefully.

Before I go, I just want to leave one more thought with you. It’s also a movie quote from one another favorite movie of mine, “Girl, Interrupted”. It’s said during a discussion between Susanna and her nurse when talking about how she can deal with her disease(borderline personality disorder) and this is what the nurse had to say: “…But I think what you’ve gotta do is put it down. Put it away. Put it in your notebook, but get it out of yourself.  Away so you can’t curl up with it anymore.”  There’s so much truth in this statement because it’s so hard to not curl up with all the bad things we’ve experienced in the past.

Earlier this year, another contributing writer, pinksubgeek wrote a great article about letting go and some really awesome tips on how to learn to let go. I really, really suggest to jump over and give it a read and take our words to heart. Letting go of a painful past can really change your outlook on life, love, and submission.

Related Posts:
A Submissive’s New Year’s Resolutions: Letting Go and Offering Forgiveness
Back Off Bitches! Feeling Territorial and Jealousy as a Slave
Traveling With Toys: A Submissive’s Dilemma
8 Ways You Might Be a “Doormat” Submissive and How to Stop
A Submissive’s New Year’s Resolutions: Goal Setting in a D/s or M/s Dynamic

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Ask lunaKM – Is It Okay to be a Bedroom-Only Submissive?

Is it okay to only be interested in Bedroom BDSM? Does it make you vanilla- is it okay to describe yourself as submissive if you don’t into to be a lifestyler? Everything I read seems to describe D/s as an ‘all or nothing’ sort deal. What if you’re interested in being submissive outside the bedroom, but only at certain times where you and the other partner agree on, like on certain days, for instance? I’m become afraid it’s impossible to find a person who is vanilla who would do that, or a person who isn’t vanilla who wouldn’t like, think you were a poser for wanting that. I’m just really confused, I guess, and I don’t know anyone in person in the scene to ask about it.

Your preference for how you go about BDSM is personal, just as everyone else’s. You can identify as a submissive if it’s just in the bedroom and no one will bat an eye. Just be sure that you clarify things if they start to ask why you don’t do x,y or z for your partner outside the bedroom. Yes, it’s okay to be submissive only in the bedroom.

Much of what you read will be relationship D/s. There is a lot of unique struggle and adaptation that is needed when you surrender outside the bedroom too, so there will be a lot of more information written about it. Don’t let that cloud your view. A bedroom submissive is still a submissive. You may have more limits to when you submit, but that doesn’t make you any less of who you are.

Negotiating when and where you’ll submit all comes with getting to know your partner. You might want to try and find a kinky partner, rather than try to suggest kink to a vanilla man. There are plenty of kinky people out there that don’t want to “do this 24/7 thing” and those that want established scenes and time periods for play and established roles. The rest of the time they just want a vanilla relationship.

I wish you luck in finding your perfect mate.

—lunaKM

Related Posts:
Ask lunaKM – Fear of Losing Yourself, Poor Contact Frequency and Sending Nude Pictures
Ask lunaKM – Shy Web Cam Model – Detrimental to Finding a Dominant?
Ask lunaKM – Personal Safety Advice
Ask lunaKM – Asking for Attention
Ask lunaKM – How Do You BDSM Sext?

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

Always Striving to be Perfect Leaves You Less of Yourself – Here’s Why

from the Submissive Guide Newsletter 3/22/14

Perfection. For some silly reason, perfection happens to be an ultimate goal for many people. Personally, I have never felt the need to try to be perfect at something so huge and all-encompassing. Submissives all over the place think they have to be perfect. I’m not really sure why you’d want to be perfect or how you could measure what perfection is for a submissive. But through conversations online, on twitter and other people’s blogs it happens to be a common thread that I keep encountering. I think there are a couple of good reasons people strive for perfection, but what we tend to forget is that if we are constantly doing that we can never truly enjoy where we are at any point.

When a person is always unhappy with their current situation, personal goals or effort in achieving perfection, it can lead to an overall depression or angst over being never good enough.  When you feel that you aren’t good enough for someone then you could push them away at the most and in the least you will feel terrible self-doubt. Everyday I talk to submissives who doubt their value as a submissive because they are trying to achieve perfection but don’t realize that their Dominants are quite happy with them on at that specific moment.

Craving perfection has another danger. It often leads to envy or jealousy of others. Envy is wanting something someone else has and jealousy is a fear of being replaced, in this case of not living up to your idea of perfection that your Dominant doesn’t have (most likely) and being replaced. With the self-doubt I talked about above, a submissive could feel like no matter what they do that the relationship will end anyway and give up. So much so that even simple communication breaks down. In these cases the submissive has spelled their relationships demise without the Dominant really getting a say. If they had just talked to the Dominant before the envy invaded their every thought they would likely have heard that they have a solid place in their Dominant’s lives and that they aren’t going anywhere. Does that sound like you?

As a novice submissive, feeling you will never be “as good as lunaKM,” for example, is a silly goal to have. And I’ll tell you why. My personal choices in submission and my relationship style are unique. The life experiences that I’ve had to lead up to where I am now are not like yours. You will never have a relationship like mine, nor will you be able to have a submissive journey like mine. It’s just impossible. What you will have is your own journey and your own unique relationship. It’s okay to enjoy learning about other people’s relationship dynamics, and I encourage it so that you can have an open mind about all the variations of healthy D/s out there. But as soon as you want to be just like someone else, you undermine the work that you and your Dominant have put into your uniqueness.

The detriment to always seeking perfection is that you are never happy with where you are and sometimes where you are is perfect for the situation or time in the relationship. When you are not happy with your current place in your relationship or submission in general you will lose sight of the big picture; that you are submitting and that you are learning and growing.

Take pride in your efforts and stop comparing who you are with others. You are the best you that you can be at that moment. Even if you struggle with bad habits or learning a new rule. Even if you don’t have a Dominant now and you are exploring submission as a single submissive. Be happy that you are on the right path and you will know that perfection in yourself is knowing you are making progress.

 Thoughts to Ponder
Have you compared yourself to someone else at one time or another? How did it make you feel about your own submission or relationship?
What are some thoughts you have about striving for perfection in submission?
Interesting Links
Too Submissive for Mistakes – Rayne
Are You the “Perfect” Submissive? – BDSM Unveiled

 

Related Posts:
What’s The First Rule of Internal Fight Club? You Are Not Alone.
Adding The Second Submissive – Branching Out Into Poly Relationships For The First Time
Solo Coaching – The CREATE Model
Trust is a Five Letter Word
How to Use the “30 Days” Memes Effectively to Maximize Submissive Growth

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

This weekend has been terrible for me! I’ve had a bout of migraines that left me bedridden for two days and today I’m just getting up and moving around feeling hung over and exhausted. If I thought I was behind in my work before, I feel doubly so now. Just one month until KnyghtMare and I move and I’m barely scratching the surface of packing and cleaning. The pressure is on.

But enough of that, let’s see what’s bee going on for Submissive Guide this week!

Become a Submissive Guide Patron!

I work hard to write and produce the content and I don’t ask for much in return. This is a small way you can show me that you appreciate my efforts. If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a patron of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $3 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:

This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

What Do You Mean When You Say Communicate? I am Communicating!
Book Review: Slave (Finding Anna Book 1) by tequilarose
5 Types of Naughty Talk
Weekend Giveaway: Rewind by Julia P. Lynde (1 Winner)
How Master Took Control of the Finances by Nicolette Hart

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask lunaKM Advice Column

The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

 Ask lunaKM – Recovering from a D/s Breakup
Ask lunaKM – Like-minded Friends w/ Herpes?
Ask lunaKM – How Do You BDSM Sext?

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2013: A Slave’s Longing – Not Quite Frenzy by charmed_blyss
In 2012: [Video Post] Is It Cheating When…
In 2011: Know Thyself, Don’t Rush Into a Relationship Until You Know These Six Things
In 2010: Morning Rituals
In 2009: What’s the Difference Between a Lifestyler and a Player?

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

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The chat nights are on vacation for the summer. Check back in September when they start back up! Enjoy the season — outdoors!

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Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking. 

“Only a life lived in the service to others is worth living.”-Albert Einstein
How do you see yourself in one year? Five years? Ten years? Why do you see yourself that way?
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!

Featured Podcast of the Week

The People of Kink

82 episodes available. Latest on 15 Jun 2014, 5:00am GMT : “dal4me and fire-slayer”

The People of Kink Podcast tells the story of the real people in the bdsm lifestyle. From their earliest moment of kink to where they are today. The highs and lows and everything in between.

Podcast RSS

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That’s it for this edition. If you have interesting bookmarks you’d like to share, email them to me at subguide@gmail.com with the subject: Interesting link and I’ll take a look!

–lunaKM

Related Posts:
Ask lunaKM – Forced to Lose Weight, Snarky Submissives and Looking for Community
Expressing Your Submission (with hair!)
Find a Munch at FindaMunch.com!
After the Scene is Over – Clean-up, Aftercare, and Check-Ins
#domsubchat – Transcript of Twitter Chat – Dating and Finding a Partner in BSM

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

Ask lunaKM – How Do You BDSM Sext?

how does one BDSM sext? I’m a submissive who’s never been in a relationship before the long distance D/s one I’m currently in… so I’ve never sexted and suddenly we’re doing (virtual) suspension, bondage and whippings! What do I say? Apart from “I moan”, “I submit” and “I obey”… what CAN I say?

Sexting is an art in expressing yourself well in fantasy. Someone with a really good imagination and ability to describe things will be good at sexting. Cyber sex in general is about creating a story of sex or play between the people writing.

Use your imagination and describe the scene, from what things might feel or smell like, how you are responding, the thoughts going through you head and how sexually turned on you are.

A good way to practice is to turn on some porn, mute it and then describe what is going on as detailed as possible. Don’t forget to describe facial gestures, how they are positioned, what they might be saying to one another, the sounds that are going on or what they are thinking. Develop a back story if that helps you.

Cyber sex is all in the mind. Reading the fantasy is one thing, participating in it is another. Engage your partner with details that will get you both hot and bothered.

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Related Posts:
Ask lunaKM – Personal Safety Advice
Ask lunaKM – Asking for Attention
Ask lunaKM – Is It Okay to be a Bedroom-Only Submissive?
Ask lunaKM – Like-minded Friends w/ Herpes?
Ask lunaKM – Recovering from a D/s Breakup

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.