Luna Carruthers's Blog, page 79

Weekend Giveaway: Lock and Key Bracelet from MorbidXtasy (1 Winner)

Gina Myers, owner of MorbidXtasy is giving away a leather bracelet with a lock and key charm to one lucky Submissive Guide reader.

Enter now for your chance to win this Lock and Key Bracelet from MorbidXtasy!

Photo by Gina Myers/MorbidXtasy

I use a wide variety of found objects and re-purposed materials so it’s hard to tell what you’ll find here! I love making unique steam punk jewelry and doing metal stamping and wire work. All items are my own designs and handmade by me.

This bracelet features a square antique silver lock charm on soft black deerskin leather with round antique silver clasp. A small skeleton key hangs from chain inside lock.

Bracelets are made to fit the average wrist size (about 7 inches). The winner will be able to specify a custom size if necessary.

I have personally ordered several items from Gina and I have yet to be disappointed in anything I have gotten from her! She’s done a couple of custom pieces for me and I have been amazed every time with what she’s created. Her love and passion of creating comes through in her work! I can honestly say that the winner of this bracelet will not be disappointed!

Make sure to show Gina some love and tell her thanks by checking out her Etsy shop MorbidXtasy and Facebook page.

Would you like to win a Lock and Key Bracelet from MorbidXtasy? Just click on the graphic below and type in your email address. This giveaway ends Sunday August 3rd, at 11:59 pm, CST. One winner will be chosen and posted on Tuesday.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 31, 2014 10:00

Being a Little in a Long Distance Relationship

The other day I got an email from a reader who had a question about being in a long distance relationship with his little and wanting to know some ideas on how to make that work. Like usual when I get a question from a reader, I got super excited(because I do love hearing from you guys and love being able to help if possible!), but I got even more super excited by the question and was like “Oh my gosh this is such a great article idea because I am sure so many others struggle with this!” and yes, if you are wondering, this was said out loud. I have issues with self-control when I get excited.

Yes, I have been in a long distance relationship with my Daddy. It wasn’t a very long one, but it was long enough to still suck, especially with a six-hour time difference between us. Believe me, one can not function while living in the US and trying to live on German time. During this time that Daddy and I were on opposite sides of the globe, we had to get creative to help soften the blow of distance. I’m going to share some of those things that Daddy and I did as well as some other ideas I’d come up with on my own.

Journaling - How often you do it is completely between you and your partner. I had to email Daddy a journal entry at least once a week and my journals contained whatever ramblings I had in my head at the time(which is usually a lot of silly nonsense sometimes!), my thoughts and feelings on submission, how I felt about moving, my kinks and areas of sexual interests, fantasies, and anything else that popped into my head. If for some reason I couldn’t come up with something, I would(and still do!)fall back on the list of journal prompts that luna has provided.
Weekly Schedule - What’s going on during your week including when you work, when you have school, any appointments, plans, just whatever is going on.
Pictures - Take pictures of what you’re wearing everyday, even if it’s just pajamas. And not just of clothing, but of things that make you feel little, all your stuffies(Daddy got well acquainted with my collection of stuffies this way!) , favorite blankie, sippy cup, store to shop at, pictures you’ve drawn or colored and any other art project you’ve done and want to share. And having your daddy do this as well(taking pictures of things that are important to him and that he likes)is a great way to interactively be involved with each other’s life.
Online Gaming - There’s a TON of websites out there that you can find with multiplayer games for free. And not just online, but on your smart phone as well. Both iTunes store and the Google Play Store offer a variety of games for cheap and this way you both can play on the go. Another option is through gaming platforms such as Steam and through whatever game console you have, if both parties own one.
Coloring - Coloring is awesome and I’m pretty sure most littles will agree. There’s a few different ways you can go about doing this long distance. One that I mentioned above(and was done by me!)is color a picture then take a picture of it and share it with your daddy. The other two options, you can send the colored picture signed by you via snail mail to your daddy so he can hang it on his refrigerator or elsewhere OR color a picture online and send it to them via email for their enjoyment. Having your daddy being liking a picture you colored is such a great feeling!
Joint Tumblr Account - I enjoy Tumblr, a lot. Probably more than I should, but that’s besides the point. Create an account that both you and your daddy have access to and both can reblog pictures that both of you like, things that make you feel little, more naughty pictures of different positions and sexy underroos and then talk about what both of you have posted. This is a great way to get to know one another and to share some fun and fantasies.
Video Chat - The Internet has made having LDR a lot easier. You have FaceTime with Apple products and Hangouts with Google, there’s Skype and probably a million and one other ways to do this. What makes this so awesome is you don’t even have to have a webcam, just a smart phone. And besides getting to see each other’s faces, other fun stuff *looks around innocently* can happen too.
Little Tasks - This one maybe more for the daddies, but you can use this as a suggestion. Have your daddy give you a task, once a day, once a week, however frequent is up to the parties involved, to do something that makes you feel little. Color, watch cartoons, tea parties(can be done virtually through video chat!), whatever makes you feel little and happy. Sometimes us littles do need to be reminded to be little because it’s so easy to get caught up and wrapped up in the big people world.
Amazon Wish List - This is a great idea to exchange wish lists so that way if you want to surprise each other with a trinket, you know exactly what to get. Plus, it’s always fun to just look through one another’s wish lists.
Snail Mail - I know, I know, snail mail is so old fashioned, but sometimes those old fashioned ways work the best. It’s always a good thing to receive an email from your partner, but in my opinion it’s even better to hold something in your hand that has been touched by your partner and not only that, but time and energy put into said something. Letters, cards, and small trinkets(especially an article of clothing that has been worn and smells like your partner!) can speak volumes and help shorten the distance.

I hope some of these ideas can help those of you who are in a long distance Big person/little relationship because I fully understand the pain and what a difficult time it can be with having any amount of distance between each other. If any readers out there have any ideas they would love to add to this list, please do!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 29, 2014 07:00

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

This day has been coming for a long time now, but Wednesday we will be packing up the truck (or rather, movers will) and we’ll be headed to a new destination. I’m anxious and stressed with all the final/initial arrangements that need to fall into place. And because KnyghtMare and I are moving, I have a little announcement.

There will be no posts from me for 2 weeks. I’m taking the time off to pack, move and then unpack a bit before getting back into full swing here at the site. There will be a few posts from guest authors and the Summer Giveaway series continues as well. But from me, well I’ll be too busy with the move to even think of what to write about!

Here’s to new adventures!

Today is THE LAST DAY to get Processing Pain for $7. Tomorrow it goes to its regular price of $9.

Become a Submissive Guide Patron!

I work hard to write and produce the content and I don’t ask for much in return. This is a small way you can show me that you appreciate my efforts. If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a patron of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $3 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:

This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

Consent is Key: SSC and RACK
Book Review: Processing Pain in Play by tequilarose
Weekend Giveaway: Independence #1: Bailey by Karen A. Nichols (1 Winner)
[Free Printable] Ancient Egyptian Woman’s Slave Contract – Facebook Cover Image

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask lunaKM Advice Column

The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

Ask lunaKM – How to Rebuild Self-Esteem
Ask lunaKM – How To Approach Dommes on FetLife
Ask lunaKM – Calling him Sir means something, doesn’t it?

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2013: What is Primal Play? by slavekathy
In 2012: Solo Coaching – The CREATE Model
In 2011: What is a 24/7 D/s (M/s) Relationship?
In 2010: Novice Q&A – What is Domestic Discipline and Introducing BDSM to a Partner
In 2009: The BDSM Checklist that Will Really Help You

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Next Submissive Guide Chat Night

Come make friends and chit-chat. Twice monthly discussions (suspended for summer), all are welcome. Chat room is open 24/7 for conversation

The chat nights are on vacation for the summer. Check back in September when they start back up! Enjoy the season — outdoors!

Join Chat Room Now!

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

Is surrender something that occurs all at once for you, or in stages? Can one be partially surrendered?
“Dominance has nothing to do with ropes, cuffs, or floggers… It has everything to do with trust and strength.” – Unknown
Share your favorite quote. Discuss why it means so much to you.
Have you ever been part of a poly dynamic? Did you enjoy it? Would you be in one again?
“Distance means nothing when someone means everything.” — Unknown
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!
Featured Podcast of the Week

Eve Minax: Kink Educator and Pleasure Artist

21 Jul 2014, 12:16am GMT

→ Masocast Podcast

Eve Minax jumps on the show to talk about being a Sex Educator and Pleasure Artist, fetish, how someone’s pain threshold is relative, her stint as a porn reviewer, her one-on-one classes, advice to masochists and lots more. Find Eve online at eveminax.com and mistressminax.com and find her on Twitter @EveMinax Also there’s a new way to donate […]

MP3 audio (26MB, 58min)

Podcast RSS

iTunes subscribe

That’s it for this edition.

If you have interesting bookmarks you’d like to share, email them to me at subguide@gmail.com with the subject: Interesting link and I’ll take a look!

–lunaKM

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 27, 2014 10:00

Ask lunaKM – Calling him Sir means something, doesn’t it?

I have been in a D/s relationship for eight months, but he has a problem with moving forward, asking three things of me. Kneeling when he comes in, being naked, and calling him Sir, calling him Sir, I have a hard time doing all the time. I feel that I want to know how he feels about me before he gets called that very special word. I have told him that, he says it is just a word, and I say it is more. We says our relationship will not go forward, without me calling him Sir. Am I nuts?

No, you aren’t nuts. But it does sound like he has a different feeling over the title Sir. He feels it’s just a title to be used in a D/s setting and you feel that Sir has emotions and connection attached to it. So, in this case there’s a conflict.

You will either have to accept that he doesn’t feel the same about the title and use it under his definition, or explain to him your definition and see if he can get on board with it. Since you say your relationship will not progress without you submitting to using the title, then I think he won’t relent and insists you use it under his terms.

The challenge with everything related to BDSM and D/s is that almost all of the terms have personal interpretations. That’s where most of the discussions and word drama happens online. No one can agree to the definitions of common terms because everyone has a different impression for them. In a new relationship, it’s helpful to sit down and talk about basic definitions like Dom and sub and safety, titles and roles. It can help you have less conflict when differences like this arise.

Getting back to your situation, I don’t have a black and white answer for you. Will he tell you how he feels about you? If he does, will it help you? Are you willing to change your definition of Sir and what it means to you so that you can continue the relationship you have? Or will you stand by your definition and search for someone who agrees? How important is this relationship to you? Is the definition and use of a title the breaking point? Can you find a compromise with him? Only you can answer that.

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 25, 2014 15:00

[Free Printable] Ancient Egyptian Woman’s Slave Contract – Facebook Cover Image

I made this quote specifically for a Facebook Cover, but you can use it elsewhere.

Click image for full size view

As with all the printables from Submissive Guide, you are welcome to share it where ever you want!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 25, 2014 07:00

Weekend Giveaway: Independence #1: Bailey by Karen A. Nichols (1 Winner)

Here comes another steamy erotic fiction prize for you! Author Karen A. Nicohols is giving a way one copy of Independence #1: Bailey to one lucky Submissive Guide winner. The book is available in Mobi(Kindle), PDF, and EPub formats.

Enter now for your chance to win a digital copy of “Independence #1: Baily” by Karen A. Nichols!

Welcome to Independence, a private BDSM club located in the old industrial area in Tacoma, Washington founded six years ago by three friends.

The club has grown and prospered and is currently enjoying an increase in membership, in part due to the nearby location of the highly successful WindSwept Narrows Resort and Casino.

Club Founders, Gabe Garrett, Tanner Clayton and Colin Whetstone begin the journey into romance that is the life that surrounds a much smaller and more elite group of members.

A bonded and trusting group of friends that forms a family, they support one another through all types of trials and journeys and they share in their joys and romance.

Bailey just wanted something a little different than a night with friends who drank too much and guys who were way too young for her. When she arrived home from work Halloween weekend and found the large box wrapped in a bright red ribbon on her doorstep, she wasn’t sure what to believe. But one thing was certain: it was going to be a very different kind of weekend for her.

You can find Karen online at her website and on Facebook as well. Make sure to stop by and show her some love!

Would you like to win a digital copy of the ebook “Independence #1: Baily”? Just click on the graphic below and type in your email address. This giveaway ends Sunday July 27th, at 11:59 pm, CST. One winner will be chosen and posted on Tuesday.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 24, 2014 10:00

Ask lunaKM – How To Approach Dommes on FetLife

Dear Annie,

Well my question is quite simple.

Im a submissive cross dresser from the UK, and have been dressing for many years now. One of the main reasons i dress is because I have a very strong submissive side, and many of the fetishes to go along with that.

My question is simple, I have been looking for many years to find a Domme to either explore and learn from, or to serve. And a few years back joined Fetlife, having previously been on Collarme. And the thing is, that I hear time and time again there are very few Dommes, so they probably get a lot of interest from subs. But what I dont understand is, why are they so negative and rude even if you address them politely, introduce yourself and tell them what you would offer in exchange?

I only contact Dommes that have stated on their profile that we share like minded interests, so Im really trying to figure out how anyone is ever able to build up a positive relationship with a Domme on sites like Fetlife.

Regards
Samantha

Dear Samantha,

Finding a female Dominant is not an easy task, as you are right there are far fewer female Dominants than there are male submissives. That means the female Dominants can be very picky with who they respond to and who they care to meet.

There are a few things about your message that I’d like to address. First, FetLife isn’t built to be a successful dating site. It’s a place to socialize. So if you aren’t participating in discussions and joining groups to converse then you won’t get to know anyone well and you won’t present yourself well either. Let people get to know you passively through your intelligent conversation, sharing viewpoints and having a good time socializing.

Also, no one likes an offer to submit out of the blue even if you do have things in common. You can’t just call up your neighborhood single female and tell them you’d like to be their boyfriend and this is what you can offer in exchange. You’d likely get hung up on. That’s the same here. A resume from someone who isn’t actively expressing the desire to receive them will very likely respond negatively to you. They don’t know you from adam and you only appear to be desperate.

So how do you approach a female Dominant that interests you on FetLife?

Thoroughly read their profile. Are they looking for submissives? Does any of their writing say they want potential submissives to contact them?
Don’t write a letter saying you want to submit to them, you don’t know them, they don’t know you. A relationship has to be built first.
Be honest and straightforward, but don’t be pushy. Tell them that you are interested in learning more about them and perhaps getting to know each other better.
Interact with them in groups that you both frequent. Comment on their writing, love their pictures, show a genuine interest in them as a person.
Flirt. It’s always a good thing to feel sexy and desirable.

I suggest that you find the local scene near you, go to some events and get to know people. FetLife is great for finding those sorts of groups and is one of the site’s main purposes. I realize that I always say that and not everyone is ready to take the leap into meeting people face to face, but it sure is easier to do it when you are meeting possible friends than it is meeting a possible date or partner!

If you really do want to use online dating, then use sites that are focused on that purpose, like Alt.com or any of the others that come up in a simple search engine search for “BDSM dating”. In the least you can keep your personal ads centralized to the personal ad groups (of which there are many) on FetLife.

I do wish you luck,

–lunaKM

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 23, 2014 07:00

Book Review: Processing Pain in Play

I got the chance to buy lunaKM’s new version of Processing Pain in Play a littler earlier than everyone else because I had previously purchased the book. And, I hate to admit this, but despite purchasing the previous version of Processing Pain, I had not read it. *hangs head in shame* I know, I know. I had purchased this book because well, I needed to re-learn how to process pain in play. I am a huge masochist and due to circumstances, I had to go awhile without any play and because of that, my pain tolerance isn’t quite where I want it to be and that’s something that made me sad. And because of that, my processing techniques were a bit rusty. So when I got the email from luna saying that the new version of Processing Pain in Play was out, I bought it and instantly downloaded it and started reading because well, I wasn’t going to allow this second copy to sit in my Google Drive folder for the next six months.

I am so happy that I decided to start reading instantly. Once I started reading, it was rather hard for me to stop. I devoured this book and the whole time I was reading, I could feel the gears in my brain clicking and making connections on how to improve my pain management. Not only that, but I learned the previous ways I was processing pain wasn’t exactly the best way to process pain.

Luna starts out the book by explaining about all the wonderful happy hormones that make the masochists get all those warm and fuzzy feelings from the pain. I love that she does this because it is so important to know what’s going on in the body during play. She also talks about what the natural processing pain techniques, how meditation can help with improving your pain tolerance, reasons why masochists enjoy receiving pain as well as negative and positive pain processing tips.

This is a great book if you’re wanting to learn how to process pain better during play and is worth its weight in gold. I’m not reviewing this book because lunaKM asked me to(I’m sure she was surprised to see this review), but because I hope to encourage more Submissive Guide readers to buy this book so it can be as much as a help to them as it has been to me. By the time I finished the book I couldn’t wait for my next scene with Daddy so I can start putting some of the awesome techniques to work so I can increase my pain tolerance and I have to admit that it’s been awhile since I’ve been this excited to be scened with!

You can buy your own copy of Processing Pain in Play from the Submissive Guide site or on Amazon today.

Product Details:

Tequila R’s Rating: 10/10

Page Count: 49

Publisher: N/A

Language: English

ASIN: B0058OJ0KY

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 22, 2014 07:00

Ask lunaKM – How to Rebuild Self-Esteem

Dear lunaKM, After a series of bad relationships that included verbal and emotional abuse I feel as if I have lost myself and my self esteem and respect. I know that you cannot love and respect someone else until you love and respect yourself but I was just wondering how I could go about rebuilding that love and respect and self-esteem for myself I feel I have lost? I feel very defeated. Thank you and best regards.

In your situation, I would suggest finding a therapist you could talk to. There are a lot of things you can do yourself, but finding someone you can confide in that is there to help you recover yourself is one of the best sources of help I can suggest.

Many therapists work on sliding scales so even if money is tight you could probably afford once a month or something. Make it a priority and skip eating out once that month to go. Your well-being is worth it!

Now, you did want ideas for what you can do yourself also and I do have a few things for you that have worked for me. Let me just lay them out for you.

Accept and believe compliments. People are really cheap with their praise these days, so when you do receive a compliment, thank them and believe what they have said. They wouldn’t say it if it weren’t true for them, so make it true for you too.

Find a few really good affirmations about positive image and say them to yourself in front of the mirror everyday. Say them outloud, repeat them often and commit them to memory. A couple that I like are, “I am a wonderful person,” “I have every right to enjoy being who I am and having fun,” and “Negative thoughts are not a part of me anymore.”

Positive self-talk is a powerful thing. Use it well. I wish you luck.

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 21, 2014 15:00

Consent is Key: SSC and RACK

From the Submissive Guide Newsletter 4/19/14

The Birth of Safe, Sane and Consensual

Historically, David Stein is the person who first coined the phrase in 1983 for the Gay Male SM Activists Group that he co-founded. It was then used as the slogan in the SM Rights contingent of the Gay Rights march to the capital in 1987. That’s right, the phrase is not that old. He has since expressed a disappointment that the phrase has become what it is, a credo pressed upon novices and relegated to lighter forms of BDSM than what was originally the purpose.

From small beginnings the BDSM community clung to the mantra like nothing before. Now, everywhere you go and every club you find, it is likely that this is the safety creed that they have, a part of their mission statement and what they teach at their meetings.

But for my part in this document, we will take it apart and make consensuality the core for all interactions for it is the most valuable part of a D/s exchange. It is not a death for SSC, but rather a reawakening. To do this we must see what this mantra and that of RACK mean and have in common.

What We Are Taught

Safe means maintaining a level of safety in the play that you engage in. It is also knowing all you can about an activity before you play, using protective barriers when necessary and using safe practices.

This part of SSC is the most questioned for how can you really define what is safe when everything we do flirts with risk, danger and fear. You can not say that you are safe during a flogging, for even the most experienced can miss, you can be harmed and there is always a risk.

But knowing that there are risks is part of being safe when it comes to the play you engage in. You also are aware of safety by knowing who it is you are playing with and being sure that they apply the same level of safety that you believe is appropriate.

Sane means that you know what fantasies can be enacted and which ones need to stay fantasy. It also means that you are not playing under the influence of drugs or alcohol and will make sure you partner does too.

Sanity is subjective, that’s for sure. Some dissenters believe that people with mental disorders shouldn’t participate in BDSM. There is always potential that what goes on in the place space could escalate or undo some therapy and the mind could falter. Even the best of us have the potential to trigger something that leaves us needing help beyond the scene.

Consensual means that both or all parties agree to what is going on and assent to honor that agreement beyond the play scene.

As BDSM participants, negotiating play should be well thought out. A lot can happen in a scene that if there isn’t enough conversation before hand could wind up in disaster during play. Agreeing to everything that is going to occur and sharing those risks with each other is paramount.

What I mean by assent is this. Dominants play a dangerous game. All they need is a submissive to later regret what happened and tell someone. It becomes a non-consensual act then and they could be in trouble legally. It’s as simple as that.

But if part of the agreement is that the parties take some personal responsibility and agree that what happens has truly been agreed upon no matter how they feel afterwards it covers some of the danger that we can enter.

It is the consensual aspect that becomes most important to people who practice SSC.

Risk Aware Consensual Kink

In 1999, Guy Switch proposed a new term to form a more accurate portrayal of type of play practitioners participate in. Noting that nothing is truly 100% safe, not even crossing the street, Switch compared BDSM to the sport of mountain climbing. In both, risk is an essential part of the thrill, and that risk is minimized through study, training, technique, and practice. (http://www.vancouverleather.com/bdsm/ssc_rack.html)

The value of RACK, as it is abbreviated is for persons who don’t completely agree with SSC. There are many BDSM participants who use both safety mantras. They use SSC to talk to non-BDSM general public as it’s easier to accept. Then they use RACK when talking to people within the community. It’s perfectly okay to do that.

The people who use RACK feel strongly about their use of that play standard and feel that SSC has flaws within the community and in their own relationships.

In RACK, consent is still the backbone but it applies to each person’s awareness of the risks, the safety and the possible things that can occur. So when someone consents in a RACK scene it means they are fully aware of what might happen if things go wrong, and take responsibility for knowing and researching the play activity. They don’t leave it up to one person.

Which One’s Better?

So you might be asking me which one should I apply to my play style? And I’m going to have to respond with whichever one feels right for you. I’ve always believed that you should start with SSC. It is easier to understand and apply to your BDSM play, groups all over the world use that as their safety mantra and you can accept it into your new-found play in the lifestyle.

As you grow and learn, you may want to adopt RACK and that’s okay. Others keep SSC too and that’s just fine. BDSM is a wide and varied world and as long as we all consent to be who we are and play as safely as possible.

Thoughts to Ponder
Do you follow either of these safety mantras? Why or why not?
What did you learn about these two terms that you didn’t know before?
Interesting Links
Consent: What Does it Mean? (KinkAcademy Membership Required, and Highly Recommended)
SSC vs RACK
SSC – RACK – PRICK
SSC, RACK and Me (pdf)
Related Posts:
RACK: An Alternative to SSC
The Nitty Gritty of the BDSM Lifestyle
Review: Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns
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Published on July 21, 2014 07:00