Luna Carruthers's Blog, page 78

Your Kink is Not my Kink

https://www.flickr.com/photos/dlytle/7340186858

The other day in a lifestyle group on Facebook, a member of the group posted a rant because she was tired of hearing about submissives and slaves being punished for stupid things, such as masturbating without permission. I was on the bus on my way home from shopping when I saw this and it upset me a lot. Not just mildly irritated, I was irritated enough that I was muttering obscenities under my breath and unable to keep my opinion about this to myself. I commented saying there’s nothing stupid about being punished for masturbating without permission if that is the dynamic she has with her owner. The the original posted commented that she only gets punished for serious things, such as doing something to harm herself and she rattled off some other stuff that I can’t quite remember now. I told her that this could have been an infraction she’s done several times and her owner is punishing her for doing this multiple times and she has no right to judge this person because of something that she and her owner agreed upon. I then also commented if my dynamic is stupid because I must have permission to get a drink at Starbucks. Apparently, I was being rude and disrespectful as all my comments were deleted as well as another person who agreed with me. So instead of running my mouth which wouldn’t have made things any better. I just bit my tongue and moved on.

This little exchange got me to start thinking about a rather common acronym in the lifestyle-YKINMK which stands for Your Kink Is Not My Kink. There’s a little longer version to that which adds but your kink is okay. Whichever one you rattle off, the main thing to remember is not everyone has the same kinks. To me, that’s one of the most wonderful things about being in the lifestyle. There’s so many wonderful and different kinks to explore and no right or wrong way to have a M/s or D/s dynamic. Whatever you find that works for you and your partner is perfect and that’s what matters the most.

I really don’t like people in the lifestyle who judge others for whatever rules they may have in their dynamic or because of a particular kink, especially if said kink isn’t exactly something that’s considered mainstream or extremely risky. I’ve had this happen more than once to myself.

It was the very first play party I had ever attended. I went with a dominant friend of mine because I didn’t know anybody and I was nervous to go on my own. After awhile, I found someone who was willing to beat my ass. Before anything happened and this includes my clothing being removed, I told him, I will cry, I will probably scream, I will look like I hate what you’re doing, but unless I say red, everything is good because that’s how I process things. Then he showed me what he had in his big black bag of tricks and asked if I seen something I was completely against having used on me and I told him no. I’m tied down to the spanking bench and I am in my happy space. I’m floating, right on the verge of sub space, but something keeps me from getting there. I could hear the people who were directly behind us talking. And they were talking about me. They were discussing how THEY thought my scene was going. THEY thought it was going badly. So THEY decided to go get the dominant who I had come with to check up on me. I was not a happy camper about that. Totally killed my buzz and shortly after, I ended the scene because my headspace was all messed up. I didn’t get the entire story of what was going on until the next day and then through the munch’s group board, the dominant who I had scened with(and had a scene negotiation talk with!)was being dragged over the coals for being irresponsible and taking things too far with a newbie. I was about eight kinds of pissed after I found out about all of this. It left me with a rather sour taste in my mouth. I was at a point where I didn’t know if I wanted to be involved with this local group or not. I get where the onlookers were coming from, that they were worried about my safety and well-being, but they didn’t know what had been negotiated prior to me getting buck naked and up on that spanking bench. It did take me some time after that incident to get back involved in the group.

It is incidents like that can cause people to leave the community or decide to try things on their own for being judged or rejected because of something they do and this is when(especially the newbies!)there’s a greater chance for something bad to happen. Nobody wants to hang around people who are going to judge them for what they do.

Those of us who practice and live the BDSM lifestyle in whatever fashion, we are a part of a very large world-wide community and those who are not in our community tend to shun and even try to punish us for what it is we do. I can’t remember for the life of me where I heard or read this, but somebody said that there is no way that BDSM will ever be mainstream and accepted by others because instead of being a community, we’re too busy fighting and judging one another. That hit home and really has stuck with me. Why treat others who are within your own group like the others who are persecuting you for what you do behind closed doors? We need to be there to support each other and remember what our common goal is.

Without realizing it, lunaKM already wrote another great article about this topic. It was written awhile ago, but it still conveys the same point. Make sure to check it out because like always, it’s filled with her wonderful words of wisdom!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on August 05, 2014 07:00

Exploring Hormone Junkies: Part 4 – Endorphins

This is a guest post by Erika McClean.

There is a whip in my closet that is an antique. It’s the kind that Drayers would use on their horse teams when driving a carriage. When I’ve been particularly bad, or good, Master will unhook that puppy from the rope it’s hanging on. Those moments, as he stands behind me with that whip in his hands, are some of the most stressful ones I ever experience during play sessions. It’s exciting, but terrifying, waiting for his arm to fly back and the first fiery lick against my skin. After a session with that though, I experience sensations of calm and satiated serenity that pretty much nothing else can match up to. Why? There are a lot of emotional, mushy sorts of answers to this, and a few spiritual ones as well. However I am forced to conclude that at the bottom line, it’s the endorphins.

So my fellow junkies, we come at last to what is probably the most pleasurable of the natural bodily chemicals that we BDSM players like to be saturated in, Endorphins. Endorphins aren’t hormones, they are neurotransmitters. Neurotransmitters (NTs for short) are the chemicals in the brain that are used by our nerve cells to send signals to each other. Most of the other chemicals I talked about are both hormones and NTs, the basic difference between the two is that hormones act all over the body, while NTs only act in the Central Nervous System consisting of the brain and spinal cord.

Endorphins released in the brain react with the part of brain cells called opioid receptors. It’s the same part of nerve cells that are affected by drugs like morphine, codeine and the like. However, while outside opiates like morphine are highly addictive, endorphins are not considered to be so. You might think that’s because natural chemicals in the body can’t be as strong as pharmaceutical ones, but you would be wrong. Of the 20 or so kinds of endorphin chemicals in the brain at least one of them (called beta-endorphins) are stronger than morphine.

Endorphins have the happy effect of blocking pain as well as giving you a sense of euphoria. They also cause you to have a higher pain tolerance once they kick in and lower your emotional inhibitions. It’s the stuff that causes “runner’s high” in long distance runners, but I have to tell you I think getting whipped is a much more fun way to get there. The two major triggers for your body’s natural drug are pain and stress. During a scene, typically both of those things are in abundant supply. When the scene is over that calm sense that your head is wrapped in cotton or that soft floating feeling comes over you, (I like to tell people it feels like my blood has turned into sparkly golden syrup) it comes from the chemical high your pain has earned you.

One other thing you might think is interesting is you can use this to your personal advantage when you’re going to do a scene. If you naturally have a low pain tolerance, or at least one that’s lower than you’d like, you can trick your body into releasing endorphins in order to increase it. Lots of exercise will induce endorphin release, as well acupuncture, eating hot chili peppers, meditation and breath exercises, and massage. Knowing this is handy because if you’re feeling ignored or in a long distance relationship you can use those methods to give yourself a little bit of relief when it’s a long time between scenes.

Or perhaps experiment with doing a scene in stages, like when you go to the dentist and they give you a topical anesthetic before they shoot you with the Novocain. When working in stages, using smaller amounts of pain and stress followed by short break in order to allow your body to produce its own version of a “topical” could help you to push your limits a lot more than normal. Of course, keep in mind that lots of endorphins running through your blood is basically like being a bit high and your decision making skills might not be at their sharpest, so make sure your Dom(me) is sensitive to that.

There are lots of other brain chemicals that are important to function and probably play a big role in why we all do the things we do. Dopamine for instance, which deals with the “reward center” of the brain. These are the ones that always struck me as being the most related to my need for Domination, my urge to submit at the feet of my Master. Hopefully they will give you some ideas as to what you might try to further explore your own urges for submission.

Erika McLean of SnugglySubWear.com graduated from Husson University. She lives in Maine with her Dom husband, three kids and pets.

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on August 01, 2014 07:00

Weekend Giveaway: Lock and Key Bracelet from MorbidXtasy (1 Winner)

Gina Myers, owner of MorbidXtasy is giving away a leather bracelet with a lock and key charm to one lucky Submissive Guide reader.

Enter now for your chance to win this Lock and Key Bracelet from MorbidXtasy!

Photo by Gina Myers/MorbidXtasy

I use a wide variety of found objects and re-purposed materials so it’s hard to tell what you’ll find here! I love making unique steam punk jewelry and doing metal stamping and wire work. All items are my own designs and handmade by me.

This bracelet features a square antique silver lock charm on soft black deerskin leather with round antique silver clasp. A small skeleton key hangs from chain inside lock.

Bracelets are made to fit the average wrist size (about 7 inches). The winner will be able to specify a custom size if necessary.

I have personally ordered several items from Gina and I have yet to be disappointed in anything I have gotten from her! She’s done a couple of custom pieces for me and I have been amazed every time with what she’s created. Her love and passion of creating comes through in her work! I can honestly say that the winner of this bracelet will not be disappointed!

Make sure to show Gina some love and tell her thanks by checking out her Etsy shop MorbidXtasy and Facebook page.

Would you like to win a Lock and Key Bracelet from MorbidXtasy? Just click on the graphic below and type in your email address. This giveaway ends Sunday August 3rd, at 11:59 pm, CST. One winner will be chosen and posted on Tuesday.

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Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 31, 2014 10:00

Being a Little in a Long Distance Relationship

The other day I got an email from a reader who had a question about being in a long distance relationship with his little and wanting to know some ideas on how to make that work. Like usual when I get a question from a reader, I got super excited(because I do love hearing from you guys and love being able to help if possible!), but I got even more super excited by the question and was like “Oh my gosh this is such a great article idea because I am sure so many others struggle with this!” and yes, if you are wondering, this was said out loud. I have issues with self-control when I get excited.

Yes, I have been in a long distance relationship with my Daddy. It wasn’t a very long one, but it was long enough to still suck, especially with a six-hour time difference between us. Believe me, one can not function while living in the US and trying to live on German time. During this time that Daddy and I were on opposite sides of the globe, we had to get creative to help soften the blow of distance. I’m going to share some of those things that Daddy and I did as well as some other ideas I’d come up with on my own.

Journaling - How often you do it is completely between you and your partner. I had to email Daddy a journal entry at least once a week and my journals contained whatever ramblings I had in my head at the time(which is usually a lot of silly nonsense sometimes!), my thoughts and feelings on submission, how I felt about moving, my kinks and areas of sexual interests, fantasies, and anything else that popped into my head. If for some reason I couldn’t come up with something, I would(and still do!)fall back on the list of journal prompts that luna has provided.
Weekly Schedule - What’s going on during your week including when you work, when you have school, any appointments, plans, just whatever is going on.
Pictures - Take pictures of what you’re wearing everyday, even if it’s just pajamas. And not just of clothing, but of things that make you feel little, all your stuffies(Daddy got well acquainted with my collection of stuffies this way!) , favorite blankie, sippy cup, store to shop at, pictures you’ve drawn or colored and any other art project you’ve done and want to share. And having your daddy do this as well(taking pictures of things that are important to him and that he likes)is a great way to interactively be involved with each other’s life.
Online Gaming - There’s a TON of websites out there that you can find with multiplayer games for free. And not just online, but on your smart phone as well. Both iTunes store and the Google Play Store offer a variety of games for cheap and this way you both can play on the go. Another option is through gaming platforms such as Steam and through whatever game console you have, if both parties own one.
Coloring - Coloring is awesome and I’m pretty sure most littles will agree. There’s a few different ways you can go about doing this long distance. One that I mentioned above(and was done by me!)is color a picture then take a picture of it and share it with your daddy. The other two options, you can send the colored picture signed by you via snail mail to your daddy so he can hang it on his refrigerator or elsewhere OR color a picture online and send it to them via email for their enjoyment. Having your daddy being liking a picture you colored is such a great feeling!
Joint Tumblr Account - I enjoy Tumblr, a lot. Probably more than I should, but that’s besides the point. Create an account that both you and your daddy have access to and both can reblog pictures that both of you like, things that make you feel little, more naughty pictures of different positions and sexy underroos and then talk about what both of you have posted. This is a great way to get to know one another and to share some fun and fantasies.
Video Chat - The Internet has made having LDR a lot easier. You have FaceTime with Apple products and Hangouts with Google, there’s Skype and probably a million and one other ways to do this. What makes this so awesome is you don’t even have to have a webcam, just a smart phone. And besides getting to see each other’s faces, other fun stuff *looks around innocently* can happen too.
Little Tasks - This one maybe more for the daddies, but you can use this as a suggestion. Have your daddy give you a task, once a day, once a week, however frequent is up to the parties involved, to do something that makes you feel little. Color, watch cartoons, tea parties(can be done virtually through video chat!), whatever makes you feel little and happy. Sometimes us littles do need to be reminded to be little because it’s so easy to get caught up and wrapped up in the big people world.
Amazon Wish List - This is a great idea to exchange wish lists so that way if you want to surprise each other with a trinket, you know exactly what to get. Plus, it’s always fun to just look through one another’s wish lists.
Snail Mail - I know, I know, snail mail is so old fashioned, but sometimes those old fashioned ways work the best. It’s always a good thing to receive an email from your partner, but in my opinion it’s even better to hold something in your hand that has been touched by your partner and not only that, but time and energy put into said something. Letters, cards, and small trinkets(especially an article of clothing that has been worn and smells like your partner!) can speak volumes and help shorten the distance.

I hope some of these ideas can help those of you who are in a long distance Big person/little relationship because I fully understand the pain and what a difficult time it can be with having any amount of distance between each other. If any readers out there have any ideas they would love to add to this list, please do!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 29, 2014 07:00

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

This day has been coming for a long time now, but Wednesday we will be packing up the truck (or rather, movers will) and we’ll be headed to a new destination. I’m anxious and stressed with all the final/initial arrangements that need to fall into place. And because KnyghtMare and I are moving, I have a little announcement.

There will be no posts from me for 2 weeks. I’m taking the time off to pack, move and then unpack a bit before getting back into full swing here at the site. There will be a few posts from guest authors and the Summer Giveaway series continues as well. But from me, well I’ll be too busy with the move to even think of what to write about!

Here’s to new adventures!

Today is THE LAST DAY to get Processing Pain for $7. Tomorrow it goes to its regular price of $9.

Become a Submissive Guide Patron!

I work hard to write and produce the content and I don’t ask for much in return. This is a small way you can show me that you appreciate my efforts. If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a patron of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $3 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:

This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

Consent is Key: SSC and RACK
Book Review: Processing Pain in Play by tequilarose
Weekend Giveaway: Independence #1: Bailey by Karen A. Nichols (1 Winner)
[Free Printable] Ancient Egyptian Woman’s Slave Contract – Facebook Cover Image

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask lunaKM Advice Column

The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

Ask lunaKM – How to Rebuild Self-Esteem
Ask lunaKM – How To Approach Dommes on FetLife
Ask lunaKM – Calling him Sir means something, doesn’t it?

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2013: What is Primal Play? by slavekathy
In 2012: Solo Coaching – The CREATE Model
In 2011: What is a 24/7 D/s (M/s) Relationship?
In 2010: Novice Q&A – What is Domestic Discipline and Introducing BDSM to a Partner
In 2009: The BDSM Checklist that Will Really Help You

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Next Submissive Guide Chat Night

Come make friends and chit-chat. Twice monthly discussions (suspended for summer), all are welcome. Chat room is open 24/7 for conversation

The chat nights are on vacation for the summer. Check back in September when they start back up! Enjoy the season — outdoors!

Join Chat Room Now!

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

Is surrender something that occurs all at once for you, or in stages? Can one be partially surrendered?
“Dominance has nothing to do with ropes, cuffs, or floggers… It has everything to do with trust and strength.” – Unknown
Share your favorite quote. Discuss why it means so much to you.
Have you ever been part of a poly dynamic? Did you enjoy it? Would you be in one again?
“Distance means nothing when someone means everything.” — Unknown
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!
Featured Podcast of the Week

Eve Minax: Kink Educator and Pleasure Artist

21 Jul 2014, 12:16am GMT

→ Masocast Podcast

Eve Minax jumps on the show to talk about being a Sex Educator and Pleasure Artist, fetish, how someone’s pain threshold is relative, her stint as a porn reviewer, her one-on-one classes, advice to masochists and lots more. Find Eve online at eveminax.com and mistressminax.com and find her on Twitter @EveMinax Also there’s a new way to donate […]

MP3 audio (26MB, 58min)

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That’s it for this edition.

If you have interesting bookmarks you’d like to share, email them to me at subguide@gmail.com with the subject: Interesting link and I’ll take a look!

–lunaKM

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 27, 2014 10:00

Ask lunaKM – Calling him Sir means something, doesn’t it?

I have been in a D/s relationship for eight months, but he has a problem with moving forward, asking three things of me. Kneeling when he comes in, being naked, and calling him Sir, calling him Sir, I have a hard time doing all the time. I feel that I want to know how he feels about me before he gets called that very special word. I have told him that, he says it is just a word, and I say it is more. We says our relationship will not go forward, without me calling him Sir. Am I nuts?

No, you aren’t nuts. But it does sound like he has a different feeling over the title Sir. He feels it’s just a title to be used in a D/s setting and you feel that Sir has emotions and connection attached to it. So, in this case there’s a conflict.

You will either have to accept that he doesn’t feel the same about the title and use it under his definition, or explain to him your definition and see if he can get on board with it. Since you say your relationship will not progress without you submitting to using the title, then I think he won’t relent and insists you use it under his terms.

The challenge with everything related to BDSM and D/s is that almost all of the terms have personal interpretations. That’s where most of the discussions and word drama happens online. No one can agree to the definitions of common terms because everyone has a different impression for them. In a new relationship, it’s helpful to sit down and talk about basic definitions like Dom and sub and safety, titles and roles. It can help you have less conflict when differences like this arise.

Getting back to your situation, I don’t have a black and white answer for you. Will he tell you how he feels about you? If he does, will it help you? Are you willing to change your definition of Sir and what it means to you so that you can continue the relationship you have? Or will you stand by your definition and search for someone who agrees? How important is this relationship to you? Is the definition and use of a title the breaking point? Can you find a compromise with him? Only you can answer that.

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 25, 2014 15:00

[Free Printable] Ancient Egyptian Woman’s Slave Contract – Facebook Cover Image

I made this quote specifically for a Facebook Cover, but you can use it elsewhere.

Click image for full size view

As with all the printables from Submissive Guide, you are welcome to share it where ever you want!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 25, 2014 07:00

Weekend Giveaway: Independence #1: Bailey by Karen A. Nichols (1 Winner)

Here comes another steamy erotic fiction prize for you! Author Karen A. Nicohols is giving a way one copy of Independence #1: Bailey to one lucky Submissive Guide winner. The book is available in Mobi(Kindle), PDF, and EPub formats.

Enter now for your chance to win a digital copy of “Independence #1: Baily” by Karen A. Nichols!

Welcome to Independence, a private BDSM club located in the old industrial area in Tacoma, Washington founded six years ago by three friends.

The club has grown and prospered and is currently enjoying an increase in membership, in part due to the nearby location of the highly successful WindSwept Narrows Resort and Casino.

Club Founders, Gabe Garrett, Tanner Clayton and Colin Whetstone begin the journey into romance that is the life that surrounds a much smaller and more elite group of members.

A bonded and trusting group of friends that forms a family, they support one another through all types of trials and journeys and they share in their joys and romance.

Bailey just wanted something a little different than a night with friends who drank too much and guys who were way too young for her. When she arrived home from work Halloween weekend and found the large box wrapped in a bright red ribbon on her doorstep, she wasn’t sure what to believe. But one thing was certain: it was going to be a very different kind of weekend for her.

You can find Karen online at her website and on Facebook as well. Make sure to stop by and show her some love!

Would you like to win a digital copy of the ebook “Independence #1: Baily”? Just click on the graphic below and type in your email address. This giveaway ends Sunday July 27th, at 11:59 pm, CST. One winner will be chosen and posted on Tuesday.

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Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 24, 2014 10:00

Ask lunaKM – How To Approach Dommes on FetLife

Dear Annie,

Well my question is quite simple.

Im a submissive cross dresser from the UK, and have been dressing for many years now. One of the main reasons i dress is because I have a very strong submissive side, and many of the fetishes to go along with that.

My question is simple, I have been looking for many years to find a Domme to either explore and learn from, or to serve. And a few years back joined Fetlife, having previously been on Collarme. And the thing is, that I hear time and time again there are very few Dommes, so they probably get a lot of interest from subs. But what I dont understand is, why are they so negative and rude even if you address them politely, introduce yourself and tell them what you would offer in exchange?

I only contact Dommes that have stated on their profile that we share like minded interests, so Im really trying to figure out how anyone is ever able to build up a positive relationship with a Domme on sites like Fetlife.

Regards
Samantha

Dear Samantha,

Finding a female Dominant is not an easy task, as you are right there are far fewer female Dominants than there are male submissives. That means the female Dominants can be very picky with who they respond to and who they care to meet.

There are a few things about your message that I’d like to address. First, FetLife isn’t built to be a successful dating site. It’s a place to socialize. So if you aren’t participating in discussions and joining groups to converse then you won’t get to know anyone well and you won’t present yourself well either. Let people get to know you passively through your intelligent conversation, sharing viewpoints and having a good time socializing.

Also, no one likes an offer to submit out of the blue even if you do have things in common. You can’t just call up your neighborhood single female and tell them you’d like to be their boyfriend and this is what you can offer in exchange. You’d likely get hung up on. That’s the same here. A resume from someone who isn’t actively expressing the desire to receive them will very likely respond negatively to you. They don’t know you from adam and you only appear to be desperate.

So how do you approach a female Dominant that interests you on FetLife?

Thoroughly read their profile. Are they looking for submissives? Does any of their writing say they want potential submissives to contact them?
Don’t write a letter saying you want to submit to them, you don’t know them, they don’t know you. A relationship has to be built first.
Be honest and straightforward, but don’t be pushy. Tell them that you are interested in learning more about them and perhaps getting to know each other better.
Interact with them in groups that you both frequent. Comment on their writing, love their pictures, show a genuine interest in them as a person.
Flirt. It’s always a good thing to feel sexy and desirable.

I suggest that you find the local scene near you, go to some events and get to know people. FetLife is great for finding those sorts of groups and is one of the site’s main purposes. I realize that I always say that and not everyone is ready to take the leap into meeting people face to face, but it sure is easier to do it when you are meeting possible friends than it is meeting a possible date or partner!

If you really do want to use online dating, then use sites that are focused on that purpose, like Alt.com or any of the others that come up in a simple search engine search for “BDSM dating”. In the least you can keep your personal ads centralized to the personal ad groups (of which there are many) on FetLife.

I do wish you luck,

–lunaKM

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 23, 2014 07:00

Book Review: Processing Pain in Play

I got the chance to buy lunaKM’s new version of Processing Pain in Play a littler earlier than everyone else because I had previously purchased the book. And, I hate to admit this, but despite purchasing the previous version of Processing Pain, I had not read it. *hangs head in shame* I know, I know. I had purchased this book because well, I needed to re-learn how to process pain in play. I am a huge masochist and due to circumstances, I had to go awhile without any play and because of that, my pain tolerance isn’t quite where I want it to be and that’s something that made me sad. And because of that, my processing techniques were a bit rusty. So when I got the email from luna saying that the new version of Processing Pain in Play was out, I bought it and instantly downloaded it and started reading because well, I wasn’t going to allow this second copy to sit in my Google Drive folder for the next six months.

I am so happy that I decided to start reading instantly. Once I started reading, it was rather hard for me to stop. I devoured this book and the whole time I was reading, I could feel the gears in my brain clicking and making connections on how to improve my pain management. Not only that, but I learned the previous ways I was processing pain wasn’t exactly the best way to process pain.

Luna starts out the book by explaining about all the wonderful happy hormones that make the masochists get all those warm and fuzzy feelings from the pain. I love that she does this because it is so important to know what’s going on in the body during play. She also talks about what the natural processing pain techniques, how meditation can help with improving your pain tolerance, reasons why masochists enjoy receiving pain as well as negative and positive pain processing tips.

This is a great book if you’re wanting to learn how to process pain better during play and is worth its weight in gold. I’m not reviewing this book because lunaKM asked me to(I’m sure she was surprised to see this review), but because I hope to encourage more Submissive Guide readers to buy this book so it can be as much as a help to them as it has been to me. By the time I finished the book I couldn’t wait for my next scene with Daddy so I can start putting some of the awesome techniques to work so I can increase my pain tolerance and I have to admit that it’s been awhile since I’ve been this excited to be scened with!

You can buy your own copy of Processing Pain in Play from the Submissive Guide site or on Amazon today.

Product Details:

Tequila R’s Rating: 10/10

Page Count: 49

Publisher: N/A

Language: English

ASIN: B0058OJ0KY

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Published on July 22, 2014 07:00