Luna Carruthers's Blog, page 80
July 11, 2014
Ask lunaKM – Is He Doing This Just For Me?
Dear lunaKM,
I have been in a vanilla relationship for quite some time and lately we’ve been trying out sub/dom. I’m a sub but not only in the bedroom. I like to be told what to do and punished if I don’t complete them. I’m the kind of person that needs that punishment because I like to push boundaries. Issue is, he can never think of anything to punish me and we’re both so new at this, we’re just trying to figure things out as we go along and sometimes I feel like he’s just doing it for me. Any help? Newbie
Hi Newbie,
It is possible he’s doing it to please you, because when you love someone you want to do anything you can to keep them close to you and go to the ends of the Earth to see them happy. What has he said about the Dom/sub part of the relationship? Does he express interest in doing it himself or are you having to push him to do things and he obliges reluctantly?
You really can’t make someone do something they don’t want to do without damaging something – usually the relationship. So make sure you are talking about this often and that you are both on the same page. If you aren’t, work to get there.
The punishment thing has me curious. Are you doing things intentionally to get play punishment (an excuse to play) or are you enjoying getting in trouble? I understand that some relationships need a reason to get into kinky punishment and it can be a fun dynamic for those who do that, but for people who want to submit and please, getting in trouble is the furthest thing from their mind. Punishment is NOT fun for those people. I can’t tell from your message which camp you are in so I’ll give you suggestions for both sides. Remember you first need to discuss and talk with your partner to make sure you are on the same page.
Funishment
Throw you over his knee and spank you through your panties.
Put your dinner plate on the floor and make you eat it without your hands.
Tie you up and tease you to climax but never let you get there – until they want you to.
For more ideas, check out How to Be Kinky by Morpheous or How to be Kinkier, also by Morpheous
Punishment
Remove or restrict freedoms (TV, phone/internet usage, favorite foods, going out)
Sit in the corner or another room, quietly without moving.
Remove privileges (having friends over, going to a concert)
Write lines such as “I will not be a bad submissive.”
Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!
Related Posts:
Ask lunaKM – A Disconnect with Submission
Ask lunaKM – Can I make it in this lifestyle?
Ask lunaKM – A Step-by-Step Guide for a Scene
Ask lunaKM – Recovering from a D/s Breakup
Ask lunaKM – Can I have a Dom if the Husband Doesn’t Know?, Alcohol Assault and Feeling Faint
Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.
Exploring Hormone Junkies: Part 3 – Testosterone

This is a guest post by Erika McClean.
Do you ever have that feeling when your Master is working you over and waiting for you to say “uncle,” that you will be damned if you’re going to say it before his arm gets too tired to flog you anymore? I do. I’m a brat through and through with a highly competitive nature. Peel back the reasons behind being obstinate and competitive and generally you end up with a whole lot of testosterone. I personally have a high testosterone level for a woman, but yours doesn’t have to be through the roof to play havoc with your urge to behave yourself.
Want to know a secret? Sometimes I get the tiniest bit of peach fuzz above my upper lip. ACK! Well, of course there are creams for that but the reason I have to battle it in the first place is that my serum testosterone is high. Higher testosterone levels also tend to coincide with people who prefer multiple partners, which is often referred to the “Casanova” effect. Another and this time unfortunate, side effect for us afflicted with testosterone induced nymphomania is the tendency to break out in acne. This makes it a high priority for those with an active libido to take good care of your skin to avoid unsightly blemishes. So much for testosterone only being a man’s concern!
Still, in the end it is the primary male sex hormone and when it’s low there are both sexual and non-sexual symptoms. It’s just like when women go through menopause, not just our sexuality is affected by the lower estrogen levels. Sexually speaking though, it can decrease the libido, destroying your interest in sex in general as well as interfering with erectile function to cause fewer and weaker erections. Honestly I have nightmares at the thought.
There are different things are responsible for low levels of this hormone. One of the biggest is age. Men over the age of 30 will experience a long slow decline in their testosterone levels. If you’d like more information try looking up Hypogonadism at the American Urological Foundation or other medical source. So, you suspect your testosterone level might be low, how does one get that checked out? At the doctor’s office they can check your level using blood, urine or saliva, though blood tests are the most common. There is hormone replacement therapy available for those who suffer from low testosterone. There are many different topical creams, gels, and patches as well as shots that can provide the body with free testosterone and correct your hormone balance.
As far as natural methods of increasing your serum levels, perhaps the best are trying to keep to a healthy weight and getting regular exercise. I know people say that about everything, but it’s still true. I’m not going to talk about when the blood serum level is too high, but if you’re interested check out what happens to people who abuse steroids. Think crazy body builder meets PCP person meets Massachusetts road rage. No good. It’s generally not something that happens naturally though so I’m not going to go into it here.
So eat right, exercise and go see your doctor if you’re having issues. Life without sex is no way to live. (Unless of course that’s your kink, than more power to you) Remember gals, I’m not just talking to the boys here. Even though it’s the primary male sexual hormone it plays a similar role in female sexuality and if you’re not feeling interested don’t just sit there DO something! They don’t have a Viagra for us yet but by the Gods if we keep going in and complaining they will find one. So speak up and make sure to add testosterone level checks to your yearly checkup schedule.
Erika McLean of SnugglySubWear.com graduated from Husson University. She lives in Maine with herDom husband, three kids and pets.
Recommended Podcasts for Kink and Power Exchange Relationships
How You Can Respond When Your Family Disapproves of Your Chosen Lifestyle/Sexuality
Research Page: Male Submission
Chat Night Transcript from BDSM with Kids at Home Chat
Answered: Your Burning Questions About What Is Expected Of You As a Submissive
Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.
July 10, 2014
Weekend Giveaway: Socrates Inspires Cherry to Blossom by Red Phoenix (1 Winner)

Author Red Phoenix has been gracious enough to give away a copy of her novella (Kindle or Nook), “Socrates Inspires Cherry to Blossom” to one lucky Submissive Guide reader. If the title is sounding familiar, just like with Brie, a review was written earlier this year on the site.
Enter now to win a copy of “Socrates Inspires Cherry to Blossom” by Red Phoenix!
Sometimes lives change with a single post…
Kathryn is known as Cherry Blossom by her online friends. Curvaceous and fiercely loyal, the forty-something finds herself in a unique place in her life… Enter Socrates, the online Dom.
His devotion to educating people new to the world of BDSM is something Kathryn greatly admires. Although she isn’t into kink, curiosity gets the best of her and she begins to correspond with the Spanish Dom.
One simple comment leads Kathryn into the passionate world of Dominance and submission where she uncovers truths about herself, and the incredible man she’s come to know and trust.
“It’s been my honor to introduce you to the woman you were meant to be.” ~Socrates —Red Phoenix
Please make sure to show Red Phoenix some love and thanks by checking out her Website, Twitter, and Facebook page.
Would you like to win “Socrates Inspires Cherry to Blossom by Red Phoenix? Just click on the graphic below and type in your email address. This giveaway ends Sunday July 13th, at 11:59 pm, CST. One winner will be chosen and posted on Tuesday.
Related Posts:
Weekend Giveaway: Brie Learns the Art of Submission: Submissive Training Center by Red Phoenix (1 Winner)
Weekend Giveaway: No Hide Floggers Bitch Stick (1 Winner)
Weekend Giveaway: Kink for Beginners (1 Winner)
Weekend Giveaway: $25 Shopping Certificate by Snuggly Sub Wear (1 Winner)
Weekend Giveaway: Out of the Night: Book One by Joelle Casteel (1 Winner)
Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.
July 9, 2014
Ask lunaKM – A Disconnect with Submission
Dear lunaKM,
I’ve been with Master for almost 9 months, and although I love our relationship I feel like there is a disconnect with my submission. I know it’s a weird way to phrase it but I don’t know how else to put it. I have generally loved being Master’s “Good Girl” But recently I’ve been semi acting out and just messing up, It’s not all a conscious decision, some of it I just do with out thought or plan. I don’t know how to get out of this mindset. It’s frustrating me when all I want to do is behave. –Want to Behave
Hello Want to Behave,
No matter where I am in my submissive journey I find times where it’s harder to submit than others. So many things can happen that cause these disconnects, from stress and illness to a hectic life or distractions. These are outside forces that disrupt our submission. Inside forces are things like your not feeling valuable or desired, not feeling like your partner cares if you follow the rules, not following through on punishments for infractions or that your requests for attention go unheeded. All of these forces do lead to misbehavior and acting out to try to get the responses you’ve expected.
In moments like this it’s a good idea to have a couple’s meeting and talk about the disconnect you are feeling. Your partner likely has noticed, but doesn’t understand either why you’ve begun acting out and slipping from your place. Expressing your thoughts can lead you to why you might be slipping and also bringing this awareness to your partner may help them work with you to get back into the right frame of mind.
Be patient if there are things going on in your life that are interfering with your submission right now. Nothing lasts forever and you can reconnect when you find the breathing room. This isn’t the time to beat yourself up about slipping, it’s about trying to maintain as best you can while the world rushes around you. Things will level out and you will regain your mindset.
Has your Dominant been active and aware in his dominance or is he expecting you to submit without his interaction? This too can lead to acting out to try to get response, even negative ones. A couple’s meeting will likely help you get back on track there too. He may have not realized that he’s let things slid on his end.
I’m going to leave you with a few links to articles here on the site that deal with submissive mindset and reviving it when it flickers as yours is. I hope that they help you.
Being Submissive in a Vanilla World and How to Balance it Out
The Myth of the 24/7 Submissive Mindset (and Why So Many of Us Struggle)
Capturing That Elusive Submissive Mindset
Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!
The Chase is On – Communicating Openly With Your Dominant
What’s The First Rule of Internal Fight Club? You Are Not Alone.
Ask lunaKM – Forced to Lose Weight, Snarky Submissives and Looking for Community
Ask lunaKM – Relationship Stress, Cruising Protocol and Poly Issues
Ask lunaKM – Dominant, a Bully?
Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.
July 8, 2014
Safe Words and Punishment

A few months ago, a heated topic was being discussed in a lifestyle group that I’m a member of on Facebook. The reason the topic became so heated was because, well, of me. I wasn’t really surprised by this because well, I do have a tendency to create controversy. It was so bad this time, I was waiting for the owner of the group to give me the boot. The topic of conversation was safewords and punishment. While the majority (everyone but me)felt that having a safeword during punishment is a necessity, while I, on the other hand, strongly disagreed with this.
I know that by sitting on my side of the fence I’m playing devil’s advocate, but before you all decide to throw stones and want to cast me out into the darkness, let me explain myself. Back in 2006, I had my first ever full-time M/s relationship. I moved from Indiana to Wisconsin to live with a Gorean couple I met on CollarMe. Everything was rather high to mid protocol most of the time. Having to ask permission to use the bathroom, not being allowed to eat until he had already taken his first bite, kneeling at the door naked in a specific position when he came home from work and that’s just a few of the things. One very specific rule that was shared with me was that during punishment(with a razor strap and let me tell you, that mo’fo can do some damage!), there was no safeword. This was something I blindly accepted at the time and I think a lot of it had to do with being young and naïve. Sadly enough, there did come a time during that relationship where I was punished in anger(yeah, another huge no-no)and despite me screaming red multiple times(which did cause me to end up gagged), the punishment didn’t end until he saw fit. This little incident caused some severe bruising that didn’t heal until about after three months or so and needless to say, I left before all the bruising had healed(like within 24 hours).
Despite that extremely negative experience with not having a safe word in place during punishment, I find myself yet again in another relationship where safe words are not allowed during punishment and I don’t fear having a repeat of what happened last time.
I’m sure a lot of you who are reading this are shocked and possibly appalled that I would allow myself to be in a relationship that didn’t allow a safe word during punishment. Before Daddy, I did have other men who I did think about belonging to. While I was under their consideration, believe me, I thoroughly pushed and insisted on the fact that there was a safe word during punishment. There was no way in hell I was allowing a repeat of what had happened to me while I was in Wisconsin. Even though I had sort of(there wasn’t really any formal commitment on either party’s part)submitted to these men, I didn’t trust them enough to punish me without having something in place. And yes, I know since I didn’t really trust these guys, I probably shouldn’t have been scening with them, but like everyone else, I’ve made more than my fair share of mistakes when it comes to the lifestyle.
But anyways, back to my original point. I saw being able to receive punishment without having to have a safe word in place as a huge sign of trust, not something I would do with just anyone. Yes, before being collared, this was a discussion that Daddy and I had. I told Him that yes, I would like to have that, but that was something that would take time because of what had previously happened and yes our relationship eventually got to the point where I needed a safe word. How we got there was because whenever any punishments(usually corner time for something major)Daddy was there while corner time was being carried out and did make sure that something didn’t go wrong. And afterwards, we talked about it, what I had done, how it had made each of us feel, and what was going to be done in the future to keep it from happening again. I know with Daddy keeping an eye on me while the punishment is happening, that if something severe happens, then I know the punishment will be stopped to take care of whatever issue has arisen. That is exactly what a good owner does.
Receiving punishment without having a safe word in place isn’t for everyone. Something else I fully believe as well is whether you have a safe word in place fully depends on the punishment. If your punishment is writing lines or a report(been there done that one too!)or something else along those lines, I believe there’s really no need for one. But again, that is a decision that is completely up to you and your owner. It takes a lot of time and trust to get to that point and if one never feels comfortable about receiving punishment without a safe word, there’s nothing wrong with that either. The lifestyle is all about making it work for you.
Ask lunaKM – Humiliation as Punishment – Is it Healthy?
Developing Trust and The Proper Use of a Safe Word
How to Use the “30 Days” Memes Effectively to Maximize Submissive Growth
A Lesson in Control with Self-Punishment
Carte Blanche – Repeating Misbehavior Patterns
Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.
July 7, 2014
Ask lunaKM – How to Initiate Play and Sex while remaining Submissive
Hi
I need some help please. I am in a relationship, have been with him for over 2 years. In the bedroom he has always been the dominant, I am submissive by nature, and until recently when we discussed our relationship I thought we were doing things that satisfied both of us. At new years we talked about him wanting more in the bedroom, things we hadnt yet tried. I was totally down for all that he mentioned. With a few limitations, as I am 8 months pregnant. The problem is, he says that he feels like its a one way street, that I never instigate in the bedroom, and now he seems uninterested all together. Every time I ask him what he would like me to do, it becomes more of an argument. I’m not sure how to show him that I want to be everything he wants me to be.How do I as a sub, instigate, with out begging?
Sorry if that was long winded, hope it made sense.
Thanks for your help,
Jen
I completely understand the frustration, I’m terrible at initiating play and sex myself. But I do have some advice for you that maybe you haven’t thought about.
Initiating play and being spontaneous in the bedroom is not a Dominant thing. It’s a couples thing. Both people can do it. When you flirt and tease your partner it’s because you are sexually attracted to them and want to have fun, treat it as searching for mutual pleasure.
Try to put yourself in his place. Your partner never initiate play or sex, they may show some slight interest, but your partner always waits for you to initiate. Do you start feeling like they aren’t that into you? Do you start questioning your sexual attraction to them? Do you stop initiating yourself? It’s a downward slope.
Being submissive does not mean you can’t initiate. It’s quite alluring when the submissive flirts and teases the Dom for play or sex. I don’t think you’d disagree that it’s hot to know that your partner wants you and has just come up and whispered in your ear that they want to do naughty things to do in the bedroom.
As you can see from my opinion, there is no begging. I don’t know why you’d need to beg in this situation – he’s looking for you to take charge of your own sexual desires and share them with him instead of waiting for him to prompt you to action.
I too have the same idea that if I just ask him what he wants me to do that will make it work, after all he’s still asking for what he wants in a sideways manner, right? No. He wants you to have desire to do things with him. Ask him if you can give him a blow job or an intimate massage. What sorts of things does he enjoy during play or sex? Do them without asking. Or if you must ask, then put on your husky telephone voice and say it with a smile on your face.
I think a lot of submissives feel that it isn’t their place to ask for anything – but how can a relationship move forward if only one person is doing the asking?
Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!
Related Posts:
Ask lunaKM – I Beg Your Mercy Please!
The Disposable Relationship Mentality
How to Beg When Asked
Ask lunaKM – A Step-by-Step Guide for a Scene
Ask lunaKM – Recovering from a D/s Breakup
Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.
Where To Go to Find a Kinky or D/s Partner: The Big List
From the Submissive Guide Newsletter 4/5/14
I think the most frequent question on every novices lips is, “where do I go to find people, partners and relationships now that I’ve found kink and D/s?” It’s a huge hurdle to get over and something that everyone seeks. A partner. A lover. A relationship. It’s not as easy as going down to your neighborhood bar and seeing if you meet someone attractive. There’s a lot more compatibility requirements when you want to find someone that already identifies as a Dominant and then figuring out if they are the Dominant type for you.
Step back for a moment. Do you know what sort of Dominant you are looking for? They aren’t all the same and your style of submission that you crave requires a specific sort of Dominant. In this case you are a unique snowflake. You will have to sort through a lot of potentials that just don’t meet your needs before you can find the match for you. It’s not unusual to spend months and years dating and searching for a partner to explore with on more than a casual setting. Don’t give up and try not to lose your patience.
Treasures are not easily found, but when they are discovered they sparkle bright and strong. So keep traveling and you will find someone, eventually. Where to look though can feel limited. In this age of technology you can search the globe for someone if you are open to that. So open your heart, get searching and maybe you’ll find love.
When you are ready for dating you might start with this list of places. I’m separating them in two sections; online and offline. I’ll do my best to list as many places as I can but I’m not currently dating so I may be rusty. I also can’t guarantee that these sites will work for you, but if you don’t try then you’ll never know. Make sure you read up on how to write a profile and protect your privacy while dating online.
Online
Collarme.com – now gone
Alt.com
Bondage.com - defunct
iTaboo.com
BDSMSingles.com
e-FetishDating.com
altPersonals.net
AdultFriendFinder.com
FetLife.com (not written as a dating site, but people do find partners there)
OKCupid
e-Harmony
Match.com
PlentyofFish
BritishSpanking.com
If I’m missing someplace you enjoy searching, let me know and I’ll add it to this list.
Offline
FindaMunch.com - Find your local BDSM munch group!
BDSM Conventions
Blind dates set up by kinky friends
At the Library, book store, grocery store and more. Kinky people are everywhere!
There is also the harder option of finding a partner and then introducing them to kink. You can then find any man that attracts you and you think might have what it takes and then talking to them about your interests to see if they are interested. The decline rate is higher, but you just might get lucky. In this case you can find a partner in all of the ways that non-kink people do; from the bar to the grocery store, church or through friends.
Where did you find your previous or current partner? Would you like your short story shared on Submissive Guide? Send me an email and I’ll add it to this post.
The Importance of Taking Your Time
Dating in the Lifestyle; What’s the Big Deal?
Finding a Compatible Partner in the Lifestyle
Ask lunaKM – New Kink Relationship, Seeking Daddy Doms and Resources to Help Those Coming Out Kinky
Ask lunaKM – Relationship Stress, Cruising Protocol and Poly Issues
Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.
July 6, 2014
lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

How was everyone’s holiday? Did you enjoy family and friends, grilled food and fireworks?
Become a Submissive Guide Patron!
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Now for the week in review:
This Week on Submissive Guide
This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.
Video Review: Kink for Beginners
Playing and Punishment from a Distance
Weekend Giveaway: No Hide Floggers Bitch Stick (1 Winner)
If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.
Ask lunaKM Advice Column
The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.
Ask lunaKM – Negative Feelings for Dominant After Sub Drop Ends
Ask lunaKM – A Step-by-Step Guide for a Scene
Ask lunaKM – Can I make it in this lifestyle?
Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.
Dug Out from the Archives
Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.
In 2013: Simple Steps to Creating a Personal Mantra
In 2012: Orgasm on Command Training – Ultimate Goals and Variations
In 2011: Let’s Be Selfish – Recharging The Submissive Battery by Sephani Paige
In 2010: Research Page: Gorean Lifestyle
In 2009: Why BDSM is Not D/s
Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.
Next Submissive Guide Chat Night
Come make friends and chit-chat. Twice monthly discussions (suspended for summer), all are welcome. Chat room is open 24/7 for conversation
The chat nights are on vacation for the summer. Check back in September when they start back up! Enjoy the season — outdoors!
Recent Journal Prompts
Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.
Finish this sentence: When no one else is looking, I…. ?
Our Dominants teach us so much about ourselves. What is something you’ve taught your Dominant?
List 5 things you have always wanted to accomplish but it never seems to be the right time/place. Which of the items you listed do you think you will get to do?
How has being owned altered your body image? Your sexuality?
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!
Featured Podcast of the Week

slaveashe
6 Jul 2014, 5:00am GMT
→ The People of Kink
“Live in the Moment” slaveashe lives by this motto every single day of his life. A happy, cross dressing, sissy maid who accepts who he is and is proud of it.
MP3 audio (84MB, 61min)
Podcast RSS
iTunes subscribe
That’s it for this edition. If you have interesting bookmarks you’d like to share, email them to me at subguide@gmail.com with the subject: Interesting link and I’ll take a look!
–lunaKM
Ask lunaKM – Forced to Lose Weight, Snarky Submissives and Looking for Community
Expressing Your Submission (with hair!)
Find a Munch at FindaMunch.com!
After the Scene is Over – Clean-up, Aftercare, and Check-Ins
#domsubchat – Transcript of Twitter Chat – Dating and Finding a Partner in BSM
Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.
July 4, 2014
Ask lunaKM – Can I make it in this lifestyle?
I was curious about bdsm before I knew what it was. I knew I liked being spanked, being told what to do, etc. I started looking into bdsm but haven’t mentioned it to my boyfriend of 3.5 years because I’m afraid he’ll think I’m a weird, for lack of a better word. Although he knows what I like (listed above) and doesn’t mind doing that, I’m afraid that taking it further might make him question my sanity.
He has a very dominant and controlling personality, especially when it comes to me. He likes to tell me what to do/not to do, and gets frustrated when I don’t listen. He doesn’t want me having guy friends that he doesn’t know. If he asks me a question and I beat around the bush or don’t answer directly he gets very frustrated. If I roll my eyes or straight up lie then all hell breaks loose. But why should I have to obey his every command without really getting anything in return for it, besides avoiding an argument that is. It’s very frustrating.
But then I thought what if we made bdsm our lifestyle? I would give in to all his little demands, as long as it’s within reason, but when I do disobey him, instead of it turning into a power struggle, he would get his frustration out by “punishing” me while we’re both getting sexual satisfaction. We could turn his controlling personality into some what of a game. I game I would really like to play.
I think he is a dom without realizing it and I want so badly to be his sub but he knows nothing about bdsm and I only know what I’ve read. What is your opinion? Do you think this lifestyle could work for us? And if so then how do bring him into it? Please help because we have a one of a kind love for each other that I don’t want to lose but the constant power struggle between us is exhausting. I want to come to a compromise that we’re both happy with.
You want my honest opinion? I don’t think going from no knowledge about BDSM to a lifestyle of it is your best option.
First, you admit to not listening to him, lying to him and ignoring his requests. A D/s relationship requires that the submissive submit in some manner. If you want to be submissive, then start submitting to him. Stop lying, stop rolling your eyes at his requests and be compliant. You getting something out of it? Why not enjoy having a happy boyfriend? If he’s annoyed with you, how can that be fun? Submitting does not always get rewards.
You are making your relationship more difficult than it has to be. If you want to give in to all his “little demands” then start doing it – no need to label it BDSM or D/s at all. It will probably make your relationship with him go smoother too.
I also dislike your idea that he can punish you to get his frustration out from your disrespect and poor behavior during sex. That would be like rewarding you for it and encourage more bad behavior.
Unless of course you both agree that it will just be a fun game. A lot of people play punishment – it’s called funishment and it’s definitely a common game for people enjoying that sort of thing. That is something that needs to be discussed with him.
So, sit down with him. Talk to him about being a little kinky and see what he says. You can’t do anything without his full cooperation and with open communication. So do it. Don’t manipulate him, don’t push him to do something he’s not interested in.
This series by ted_subby can help you open the discussion:
Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner
Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner: Part 2- My Partner is Not Interested
Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner: Part 3- My Partner is Interested!
Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!
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Ask lunaKM – Am I Submitting or Not?
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July 3, 2014
Weekend Giveaway: No Hide Floggers Bitch Stick (1 Winner)

No-Hide Floggers is a small company ran by a couple friends of mine and both she and her master have been gracious enough to donate a bitch stick (genital flogger) for one lucky Submissive Guide reader. US readers only.
Enter now for your chance to win a Bitch Stick from No-Hide Floggers!
No-Hide floggers are unique. They are overbuilt and over engineered. They are NOT mere novelties. They function just fine. With 100 tails, they have some decent mass to them. (Most animal hide floggers have around 30-40 tails.) The sound they make is unique also and is sort of a sharper sound than a flogger made from an animal hide. In a dungeon setting, the sound alone will definitely get noticed by others around you. With the sorter tails compared to an animal flogger, the No Hide floggers are much more controllable which is a plus for newbies as well as those of us who have been around for a while. The tails of the No Hide floggers aren’t spongy the way that animal hide is either. While spongy animal hide is nice for warm ups and sensual dragging, when it comes to actually flogging, the No Hide gets the job done. Easy clean-up and durability are big pluses too when it comes to No Hide. It is a myth that good toys have to be expensive to function and No Hide makes that point well.
The bitch stick is made of duct tape and is 18 inches in total length. It has a nice rubbery sting.
Please make sure to show No Hide Floggers some love and thanks by checking out their Facebook page and look for monthly giveaways from No Hide Floggers as well!
Would you like to win a Bitch Stick from No-Hide Floggers? Just click on the graphic below and type in your email address. This giveaway ends Sunday July 6th, at 11:59 pm, CST. One winner will be chosen and posted on Tuesday.
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Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.


