Luna Carruthers's Blog, page 74

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

I’m really getting into the grove as far as my new routine and it feels great to not have that guilt of not accomplishing everything. The house is cleaner, the chores are done and I know KnyghtMare is a happier man because of it. If only I could get into a good run of writing then all would be right with the world!

Join the growing list of fans that get to hang out with me monthly on Google Hangout!

I work hard to write and produce the content and I don’t ask for much in return. This is a small way you can show me that you appreciate my efforts. If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a patron of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $3 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:

This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

Are D/s Relationships Better than Vanilla Ones?
Book Review: Haven of Obedience by pinksubgeek
Submissive Chat Night – Free Chat
A Day in the Life – Autumn

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask lunaKM Advice Column

The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

Ask lunaKM – How Can I Safely Contact Online Doms?
Ask lunaKM – How To Recover from a Breakup
Ask lunaKM – How can I take care of sore nipples after rough nipple play?

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2013: Single In The Scene Part VI: Vulnerability by charmed_blyss
In 2012: What does “Checking In” During a Scene Mean?
In 2011: Is Monogamy a Dying Trend?
In 2010: Those First Few Baby Steps
In 2009: Tasks While Your Dominant is Away

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Next Submissive Guide Chat Night

Come make friends and chit-chat. Twice monthly discussions, all are welcome. Chat room is open 24/7 for conversation.

Date: September 16th, 2014

Time: 8PM Central (Not in CST? Find out the time where you are!)
Topic: Free Chat

Join Chat Room Now!

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

“If my Master is lost, I’ll find him. I’ll lead him back to himself, because to serve doesn’t always mean to follow.”

― Joey W. Hill, Hostile Takeover
Can you submit when trust has been broken? Can trust ever be rebuilt?
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!
Featured Podcast of the Week – KinkyCast
Episode 33 – Ernest Greene & Nina Hartley

12 Sep 2014, 12:50pm GMT

→ KinkyCast

Ernest Greene and Nina Hartley are the ultimate power couple of porn. He is the groundbreaking BDSM and fetish filmmaker, and editor of Hustler?s Taboo magazine. Nina, the legendary porn star, is his wife, slave and muse, as well as a film director, sex educator, feminist and author. This wonderfully candid couple talks to KC about their lives, careers and relationship. They also talk about Ernest?s new erotic novel, ?The Master of O,? a modern retelling of the classic ?The Story of O? with a twist: the story is told from the dominant?s point of view.

MP3 audio (23MB, 58min)

Podcast RSS

iTunes subscribe

PS: If you have interesting bookmarks you’d like to share, email them to me at subguide@gmail.com with the subject: Interesting link and I’ll take a look! That’s it for this edition.–lunaKM

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on September 14, 2014 10:00

Ask lunaKM – How can I take care of sore nipples after rough nipple play?

Dear Luna, I like really rough nipple play, and they are often raw and very sore after a session. Any suggestions for creams, ointments, or other treatments to help the healing process? I use good old fashioned Bag Balm or Neosporin. I’m relatively new to this and thought ya’all might have some tips. Thanks so much!

Hi there! There isn’t a whole lot I know about intensive care for nipples after play. I’ve always just lotioned them and treated any cracking with an antibacterial, much like you are doing. But, when researching I found a fantastic resource for help with caring for tender, sore, cracked and possibly bleeding nipples – the breast feeding mothers community.

Check out the links below for tips and tricks that can help you after play without the diaper changes :P

Breastfeeding and Nipple Soreness (scroll down halfway to Managing Nipple Soreness)

Healing Tips for Nipple Cracks and Abrasions

Anyone else have tips for healing sore nipples?

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on September 12, 2014 15:00

A Day in the Life – Autumn

This is a guest post by Autumn.

I’m Relatively new to the BDSM community , but Master Grey is not. He introduced it to me slowly, respectfully, but my desire grew to know more, leading me to your website. :)

A day in the life begins, really when I wake up. This varies currently due to my insomnia going through fertility treatment with my master. It’s a real stressful time sometimes, wanting kids but we both decided it was worth it.

Once awoken, I usually have to wake up master too, as he suffers with sleep apnea and can have difficultly sleeping. Once he is awake, we usually figure out the time of day, then take our medicines . Then we talk about how each others night was, dreams, or daily chores or appointments to attend. Then we eat breakfast, often cooked by his best friend/sub. I’ve been given the task of serving the meals when they’re cooked if I am able to, with a smile I’m trying my best. everyday . But I still haven’t nailed the serving tray walk yet…

Yet, he still smiles and kisses me if I am to sore from my arthritis , or other health issues ( heat of the day fatigue) etc. And excuses me from certain activities he would normally ask. As it stands, our relationship is still growing. We share a bed together, his other sub , me, his slave, and my master. We play video games all day long, some days, as we are all on a form of disability and cannot work. But because of this, we can spend more time with each other!

As afternoon hits, (if we aren’t sleeping during! ) Often lunch is made, then served. and water given if needed. Tea sometimes is nice when requested as well. Often my master is very timid on what to order me to do, as he still is learning my limits and desires/needs. As I am learning his desires, needs, wants, and orders.

At Night we prep and do dinner, often I will be doing my research of the lifestyle around this time, as its less hot and im able to think more clearly. I’ll sometimes even hop on Etsy, and show off a few ” possible” collars, I adore to him, and he will often smile brightly if it suits his taste.

We’ve moved to the locked collar, and money is really the only reason I’m not in one. Currently my new collar, ( old one was to big when ordered). Is still being made, so I wear his heart necklace he bought early on for me.

I never remove it as it’s a symbol of my dedication to loving him and only him. When night nears its end, master makes sure I have taken my evening medicine, before tucking me in bed, ensuring there’s plenty of comfort he can provide. He occasionally offers a back massage before I sleep if I’ve felt especially bad that day with arthritis.

So that’s my life, as a new slave and sub to my Soon-to-be husband. Master Grey.

You can reach Autumn at Fallleaf@Hotmail.com

Would you like to tell us what a typical day is like in your submissive life?
This series will present to you another submissive's typical day of service to their Dominant so you can walk in their shoes for awhile. It's fun to learn and grow and understand where others are coming from. Do you have a story to share? This series is an ongoing one - so please feel free to send me your Day in the Life stories. Check out this post for requirements and how to send them to me!

If you'd like to see who else has participated, this post has the current list.
Related Posts:
No Related Posts

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on September 12, 2014 07:00

Submissive Chat Night – Free Chat

It’s time again for another chat night here at Submissive Guide. I’d welcome everyone to come on in Tuesday night for a bit of conversation. The topic is going to be free chat. Anything and everything can be discussed. Please come with questions or a curiosity about Dominant/submissive relationships.

Info

When: 09/16/14 8 PM CST – 9:30 PM CST (Not in CST? Find out the time where you are!)

Where: Chat room on the website, or use an IRC Client

Topic: Free chat

HOW TO GET TO THE CHAT ROOM

The chat room is attached to this site under the link at the top, or you can click this link here. It will ask for your nickname and then automatically connect you to the chat room. It is open all the time, so if you want to meet some people, hang out in there. I try to be there when I’m at my computer too.

If you use an IRC desktop client you can connect to the server directly. Here is the information you need to find the room:

Server: irc.kink-network.com

Port: 6667

Channel: #submissive-guide

Questions? Let me know. Otherwise I hope to see a lot of you there on Tuesday!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on September 11, 2014 07:00

Ask lunaKM – How To Recover from a Breakup

Ms Luna, your guide has become my bible and I thank you for your writings. My first Dom/mentor/teacher and I have parted suddenly and unexpectedly. Since this is my first D/S relationship, what can I do to feel better about the raw unraveling and abandonment of feeling so alone?

First, you are not alone. People end relationships all the time. And just as each relationship is unique, if you haven’t heard that enough from me, the breakup is also unique. You may grieve for the loss of the relationship in a completely different way than anyone else and it’s completely normal to feel lost and alone. It is a time of intense emotional vulnerability as you struggle to pick up your day-to-day activities and move along.

Assuming you’ve been in relationships before, any kind of relationship, you’ve had experience with breakups. This isn’t that different. While you’ve got to reclaim your independence and the submission you gave, your partner was still a person first and the relationship was probably more than just D/s. So I always suggest you start with the vanilla ways to recover from a break up.

Don’t fight your feelings – It’s normal to have a lot of ups and downs, conflicting emotions, fear, anger and frustration. Allow yourself to feel them.

Talk to someone – Having a friend that you can vent to and express how you feel is a healing activity for anyone who’s going through grief (and yes, break up response is considered grief).

Remember that moving on is the end goal – you want to be able to look forward to the future and not dwell on the would’a should’a could’a feelings that come up. Getting stuck in hurtful feelings like blame, anger, and resentment will rob you of valuable energy and prevent you from healing and moving forward.

Remember that you still have a future – when you commit yourself to someone you make a lot of dreams and goals with them. Losing them can feel like you’ve lost those dreams, but be encouraged by the fact that new hopes and dreams will eventually replace your old ones.

Other advice:

Ask lunaKM – Recovering from a D/s Breakup
5 Myths of Recovery After a Breakup
Chat Night Transcript from “Recovering from a Breakup” Talk
Nine Things to Never do After a Breakup
The Break-Up Cure: 7 Ways to Heal and Find Happiness Again

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on September 10, 2014 07:00

Book Review: Haven of Obedience

In Marina Anderson’s Haven of Obedience, high-powered London businesswoman Natalie Bowen visits a secret weekend retreat for successful professionals who want to explore their sexuality and experiment under the tutelage of skilled mentors who can rid them of habits that keep them locked in destructive relationship and bedroom behaviors and teach them how to free their minds and find pleasures they’ve never dreamed of. At this point in her life, The Haven seems like the perfect solution for Natalie, who has had no luck with men because of her tendency to take control of everything, both in her life and in her bedroom.

When Natalie arrives at The Haven, she finds out that the tutor she has been assigned to is Simon Ellis, the second-in-command to the founder of The Haven. Simon is tall, dark, and devastatingly handsome, and he takes his job seriously. Quite seriously. In fact, during their pre-orientation before the weekend’s opening dinner, Simon orders Natalie to strip and do various tasks for him. (The tasks are part of the “intake”) Natalie is hesitant, but she quickly learns that while she’s at The Haven, Simon’s word is final. This is a hard lesson for the strong-willed executive to swallow, but soon she starts to suspect that Simon has more than a professional interest in her, even though it is forbidden for tutors to engage in relationships with clients.

Anderson does a great job creating a large and intriguing cast of characters. While the focus of the book is Natalie and Simon, readers get to know a lot about other Haven guests. The female characters learn how to be more submissive, while the men learn not only how to please women but also how to submit to them as well. Natalie struggles so much with submission and following orders that Simon has to resort to bondage as a way to open her mind. However, there is not a ton of BDSM in the book. Yes, the women and men are taught to be submissive, but it’s not submissive in the D/s sense. There is quite a bit of sex (actually, a lot of sex) but not a lot of BDSM.

Throughout the book I had to remind myself that the Haven clients signed agreements upon registering at The Haven. Being a guest at The Haven means complete and total surrender to their methods. There were several instances of clients refusing to perform certain acts, and the choice was to obey or to leave. On the other hand, the book was rife with ideas for scenes and games to play.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that Haven of Obedience has quite a few grammatical issues, and it lacks strong character and plot development; I think these were sacrificed in order to get to the “juicy bits” faster. It is billed as a book for people who “devoured” Fifty Shades of Grey, and regardless of your opinion of that book, there really are no comparisons. The book is almost purely fluff; if you keep that in mind, it’s a fun diversion. If you’re looking for a strong plot and well-developed characters, this book is not for you.

Haven of Obedience is a great escape for an afternoon and it will certainly keep you entertained. It might even provide some inspiration for you and your partner….

Product Details

Paperback: 336 pages
Publisher: Grand Central Publishing; Reprint edition (November 6, 2012)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1455545082

Buy the book on Amazon.com in paperback or Kindle editions and help support Submissive Guide with your purchase.

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on September 09, 2014 07:00

Ask lunaKM – How Can I Safely Contact Online Doms?

Hey lunaKM! I am quite new to this lifestyle, and the submissiveguide has been so, so helpful. But I was wondering what’s the safest way to get in touch with potential online Doms? There are so many sites, I’m a little overwhelmed. Thanks, Megan :)

Hi Megan!

Any sort of communication online can be fraught with peril but when done with your own personal safety in mind, then you can weed out the potential Dominants that aren’t compatible with you and stop wasting your time with still others that only want a bit of wank fodder.

There are likely hundreds of sites you can go to and meet people. A few of the more common personals sites for submissives are collarme.com and alt.com. If you are looking primarily for social networking then FetLife.com has been successful for many people as well. None of these are 100% safe, but with the right tools and frame of mind, you can use them to search safely for a Dominant that will fit what you need and want in a relationship.

First, you’ll want to make sure your online profile speaks for you and not against you. Developing a positive and welcoming personal ad on your profile is a challenging task and you’ll find yourself constantly tweaking it. I’ve written a pretty good primer for what you should include (and leave out) of your profile on Submissive Guide.

Write an Online BDSM Dating Profile that Gets Results!

While you take in the tips on that piece you will probably start to wonder if there is anything you should keep out of your profile. I’ll answer with a resounding YES! A lot of your personal information that does not deal directly with you or with the person you are searching for should not be on your profile. This is information like your children’s names or your job information.

Try this: Pretend that you have struck up a conversation with the cashier at your favorite grocery store. What do you tell them about yourself? Do you go into detail or do you skim the surface? Is telling them your children’s names, where they go to school and where you work important to share when you don’t know the person you are talking to? Probably not.

If you want more information about what NOT to Share on Your Online Profile, check out my video post with accompanying article on Submissive Guide.

Now, once your inbox starts filling up with first messages from potential Dominants you’ll want to weed out the ones that aren’t going to work. For now, I’d ignore the ones from Dominants who talk about sex in the first message. You don’t need that attention. The messages that are worthy of a response are the ones that treat you like they just approached you in public, and want to get to know you better. Keep the kink and sex talk to a minimum the first few messages unless you are only looking for a casual/play relationship!

You are looking, hopefully, for the entire package so get to know them on a person level, then a Dominant level and ultimately on a sex/kink compatibility level.

I hope my tips have helped you search for a Dominant online as safely as possible. Good luck!

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on September 08, 2014 15:00

Are D/s Relationships Better than Vanilla Ones?

from the Submissive Guide Newsletter 6-7-14

I see it all the time on discussion boards and we talk about it at social gatherings. I’ve even thought it a time or two. D/s relationships are better than vanilla ones. We see them as deeper, more intimate, better at communication and meeting the individual’s needs as well as the couple’s. For those of us who have been in vanilla relationships, we see them as being more successful because there are less (no) secrets, no battle for who’s in control, no awkwardness in the bedroom and so much more. We feel superior than our vanilla counterparts at times. But, in truth, D/s relationships are no better or worse than vanilla ones. They are, in fact, only as good as to two (or more) people involved make them.

So why do we compare ourselves in this way?

It’ a natural part of our upbringing to compare what we have with other people. We are a competitive race. We want the better things, the more valuable things. We get a silent thrill from knowing that someone is having a hard time, or that another person’s relationship is failing while yours thrives. So when we find D/s and we are in a relationship that feels powerful and intimate we can’t help but compare it to previous relationships. It’s that way with any relationship – people compare it with the past to see if their needs are met, to learn what makes things work for us and to hopefully prevent us from ending up in a damaging relationship (again).

How are D/s Relationships Better?

If we base our assumptions on D/s relationships being better and more solid than their vanilla counterparts, then we have to be able to make a list of all the things that make power exchange relationships number one.

1. “They are more intimate. I feel closer to my Dominant than I’ve felt to anyone before.”

Is this really only possible once we engage in power exchange? If we believe that a more intimate relationship exists only in a D/s relationship then how do we explain the 98% of other relationships in this world? Are they lacking in intimacy? How can you really know? The only thing we really can be sure of is that something about a power exchange relationship makes it feel more intimate to you.

2. “We communicate and share everything. There are no secrets between my Dominant and I.”

One of the cornerstones of a power exchange relationship is detailed and in-depth communication about anything and everything. Any BDSM 101 class covers the importance of communication to assure that wants and needs are known and nurtured in the relationship. But does this mean that vanilla relationships don’t have similar communication? Successful communication is unique to each person. If one person is open and can share their deep secrets but the other person can’t, then the communication won’t work; D/s or not.

3. ”I trust him with my life. I know he will never misuse that gift.”

This is a declaration I hear a lot about the difference between D/s and vanilla relationships. It doesn’t hold water. I trusted my ex-husband with everything about me. We were open and extremely close. He never misused that trust. Which is probably why our relationship fell apart amicably. We grew apart as people, not as a couple. I needed something he couldn’t provide, and because of that we said our goodbyes. Any relationship needs trust. The level of trust may be different but that’ s as subjective as intimacy.

What am I getting at?

By now you are probably wondering what I’m getting at by tearing down the three most common statements about how D/s relationships are better, deeper, stronger than vanilla ones. Well here it is; the strength of a relationship is only as powerful as the two (or more) people in it.

Let’s think about this for a moment. Relationships fail; D/s or vanilla. They could have very well started out with all the trust, intimacy and communication used as a beacon for better relationship stereotypes. But something fails. Communication breaks down, trust is broken or intimacy is lost. All relationships can fail because of one or both people in it.

As you can see, comparing a relationship as a single unit as better or more successful than another is the tipping point. It would be better to compare the people in these relationships – are they more open, flexible, amicable, passionate? Other than kink and power exchange, what makes us different from vanilla people?

Nothing.

Relationships are based on mutual shared experience. From your first to your last relationship, you learn and grow as a person and as a person within a relationship. For some people it takes a lot of practice to find their most successful self in a relationship. Others get it right out of the gate.

Take your past and learn from it, apply what you know about successful relationships. Then devote all that work and effort into your current relationship. See how much better it is because you applied your best self to the relationship? If your partner does that to – you are in a successful relationship. No need to define it as D/s or vanilla. You still have the envy of every other person still learning what that looks like.

Stop comparing and start living.

Thoughts to Ponder
Do you find yourself comparing your relationship with others? Why do you think you do that?
What values do you see in a successful relationship? How do you nurture them?
Interesting Links
Life’s Tough Enough: Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
Mike Robbins: Are you Threatened by Other People’s Success?
Related Posts:
Keys to a Successful Relationship-Transparency is Like a Brick Wall
Keys to a Successful Relationship: Trust is Like a Mirror…
Keys to a Successful Relationship – Honesty is Really the Best Policy
Book Review- Unveiled: The Secret Submissive Within
My Submission Isn’t Better Than Yours

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on September 08, 2014 07:00

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

It might be a bit too early to think about Nanowrimo for Submissive Guide efforts but devoting a whole month to writing a certain amount is a big deal for me and so I start thinking early! Right now, I’m about 50/50 on deciding if I can do it again this year. The previous 2 years have been quite productive and I’m inspired to do it again. But I’m also currently struggling with writer’s block and the writing I am doing is not worth publishing. So, that’s still up in the air. What I need is a boost of encouragement!

At home my daily routine is settling at the new place. I’m really enjoying the apartment, it’s quiet and I can sit with the windows open and still hear myself think! Still haven’t adjusted to the cities nearby but I’m sure I’ll learn my way around and acclimate soon. Has anyone else noticed the steep increase in food prices recently? It’s getting hard to keep a budget anymore!

Join the growing list of fans that get to hang out with me monthly on Google Hangout!

I work hard to write and produce the content and I don’t ask for much in return. This is a small way you can show me that you appreciate my efforts. If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a patron of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $3 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:

This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

One is Silver and the Other Gold: The Importance of Friends
The Things I Carry That Help My Submission by tequilarose
[Paid Position] Regular Contributors Wanted
Taming the Green-Eyed Monster – Managing Jealousy in a Poly Family by DeliciousVixen

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask lunaKM Advice Column

The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

Ask lunaKM – What should I expect the first meeting?
Ask lunaKM – All Dominants Like a Challenge, Say What?!
Ask lunaKM – How do I ask to be collared?

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2013: Submissive Guide Ecourses – Do They Really Help?
In 2012: Love in a D/s Relationship
In 2011: The Outline of a Good Compatible Dominant
In 2010: The Abuse Debate: A Matter of Acceptance Not Consent by Darkrose
In 2009: Assualt is NOT okay

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Next Submissive Guide Chat Night

Come make friends and chit-chat. Twice monthly discussions, all are welcome. Chat room is open 24/7 for conversation.

Date: September 16th, 2014

Time: 8PM Central (Not in CST? Find out the time where you are!)
Topic: Free Chat

Join Chat Room Now!

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

Do you have limits and restrictions on technology? Can you watch as much TV as you want, use the Internet however you’d like or do you have rules to follow as to their use?
Do you consider yourself monogamous or polyamorous or some other category which cannot be defined? Is there such a thing as “no preference”? What makes your preference work for you?
“The moment the slave resolves that he will no longer be a slave, his fetters fall. Freedom and slavery are mental states.” – Mahatma Ghandi
Can your surrender to another exist when trust does not?
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!
Featured Podcast of the Week – The Fetish Show

The Fetish Show 35 ? London Mistress School and Spanksticks

5 Sep 2014, 12:03am GMT

→ The Fetish Show

Dirk and Zoe do a Spanksticks demonstration live! Zoe talks about her trip to the London Mistress School. New Advisor guest Dr. Feelgood has some interesting sex-related tips. Dirk and Zoe get published in an international art book. We also talk about tornadoes, a dear friend passing, the Bondage Awards and Invicta Watches. Important Links

MP3 audio (51MB, 56min)

Podcast RSS

iTunes subscribe

–lunaKM

PS: If you have interesting bookmarks you’d like to share, email them to me at subguide@gmail.com with the subject: Interesting link and I’ll take a look! That’s it for this edition.

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on September 07, 2014 10:00

Ask lunaKM – How do I ask to be collared?

Hello there!

There is no “proper manner” for asking for a collar. It’s not a common expectation in the BDSM community.

Some Dominants require that the submissive ask to be collared, others insist that it’s their responsibility to ask if the submissive wants to be collared by them.

If you are familiar with John Norman’s Gor Series of 27(?) books there are moments where a woman begs for collar. You could try to mimic on of those descriptions. This is where I think the idea of begging for collar comes from, as well as the whole idea of collaring ceremonies and fancy submissive positions.

An idea I have if asked to beg for a collar is to treat it like a marriage proposal. You’d have a little speech where you pledge your devotion and what they’ve done for you or how you see the future with them and then ask them for the collar.

Another option is to come up with a long and drawn out begging session for the collar.

Still another way is to just come out and ask.

Has your Domme ever given you any clues about how this is expected to take place? Did you ask her? She can’t expect you to fulfill the request if she won’t help you understand what requirements there are for it – since it’s not standard procedure at all.

Here’s some links to resources on collars and collaring ceremonies where you will find more valuable tips:

Research Page on Collars and Collaring Ceremonies
Chat Night Transcript for Discussion on Collars and Ceremonies
What it Means to be Collared by LadySneak
Offering Your Neck for Collar [Submissive Positions Series]

Good luck and congrats!

—lunaKM

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Published on September 05, 2014 15:00