Luna Carruthers's Blog, page 83
June 23, 2014
Always Striving to be Perfect Leaves You Less of Yourself – Here’s Why
from the Submissive Guide Newsletter 3/22/14
Perfection. For some silly reason, perfection happens to be an ultimate goal for many people. Personally, I have never felt the need to try to be perfect at something so huge and all-encompassing. Submissives all over the place think they have to be perfect. I’m not really sure why you’d want to be perfect or how you could measure what perfection is for a submissive. But through conversations online, on twitter and other people’s blogs it happens to be a common thread that I keep encountering. I think there are a couple of good reasons people strive for perfection, but what we tend to forget is that if we are constantly doing that we can never truly enjoy where we are at any point.
When a person is always unhappy with their current situation, personal goals or effort in achieving perfection, it can lead to an overall depression or angst over being never good enough. When you feel that you aren’t good enough for someone then you could push them away at the most and in the least you will feel terrible self-doubt. Everyday I talk to submissives who doubt their value as a submissive because they are trying to achieve perfection but don’t realize that their Dominants are quite happy with them on at that specific moment.
Craving perfection has another danger. It often leads to envy or jealousy of others. Envy is wanting something someone else has and jealousy is a fear of being replaced, in this case of not living up to your idea of perfection that your Dominant doesn’t have (most likely) and being replaced. With the self-doubt I talked about above, a submissive could feel like no matter what they do that the relationship will end anyway and give up. So much so that even simple communication breaks down. In these cases the submissive has spelled their relationships demise without the Dominant really getting a say. If they had just talked to the Dominant before the envy invaded their every thought they would likely have heard that they have a solid place in their Dominant’s lives and that they aren’t going anywhere. Does that sound like you?
As a novice submissive, feeling you will never be “as good as lunaKM,” for example, is a silly goal to have. And I’ll tell you why. My personal choices in submission and my relationship style are unique. The life experiences that I’ve had to lead up to where I am now are not like yours. You will never have a relationship like mine, nor will you be able to have a submissive journey like mine. It’s just impossible. What you will have is your own journey and your own unique relationship. It’s okay to enjoy learning about other people’s relationship dynamics, and I encourage it so that you can have an open mind about all the variations of healthy D/s out there. But as soon as you want to be just like someone else, you undermine the work that you and your Dominant have put into your uniqueness.
The detriment to always seeking perfection is that you are never happy with where you are and sometimes where you are is perfect for the situation or time in the relationship. When you are not happy with your current place in your relationship or submission in general you will lose sight of the big picture; that you are submitting and that you are learning and growing.
Take pride in your efforts and stop comparing who you are with others. You are the best you that you can be at that moment. Even if you struggle with bad habits or learning a new rule. Even if you don’t have a Dominant now and you are exploring submission as a single submissive. Be happy that you are on the right path and you will know that perfection in yourself is knowing you are making progress.
Thoughts to Ponder
Have you compared yourself to someone else at one time or another? How did it make you feel about your own submission or relationship?
What are some thoughts you have about striving for perfection in submission?
Interesting Links
Too Submissive for Mistakes – Rayne
Are You the “Perfect” Submissive? – BDSM Unveiled
What’s The First Rule of Internal Fight Club? You Are Not Alone.
Adding The Second Submissive – Branching Out Into Poly Relationships For The First Time
Solo Coaching – The CREATE Model
Trust is a Five Letter Word
How to Use the “30 Days” Memes Effectively to Maximize Submissive Growth
Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.
June 22, 2014
lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections
This weekend has been terrible for me! I’ve had a bout of migraines that left me bedridden for two days and today I’m just getting up and moving around feeling hung over and exhausted. If I thought I was behind in my work before, I feel doubly so now. Just one month until KnyghtMare and I move and I’m barely scratching the surface of packing and cleaning. The pressure is on.
But enough of that, let’s see what’s bee going on for Submissive Guide this week!
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Now for the week in review:
This Week on Submissive Guide
This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.
What Do You Mean When You Say Communicate? I am Communicating!
Book Review: Slave (Finding Anna Book 1) by tequilarose
5 Types of Naughty Talk
Weekend Giveaway: Rewind by Julia P. Lynde (1 Winner)
How Master Took Control of the Finances by Nicolette Hart
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Ask lunaKM Advice Column
The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.
Ask lunaKM – Recovering from a D/s Breakup
Ask lunaKM – Like-minded Friends w/ Herpes?
Ask lunaKM – How Do You BDSM Sext?
Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.
Dug Out from the Archives
Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.
In 2013: A Slave’s Longing – Not Quite Frenzy by charmed_blyss
In 2012: [Video Post] Is It Cheating When…
In 2011: Know Thyself, Don’t Rush Into a Relationship Until You Know These Six Things
In 2010: Morning Rituals
In 2009: What’s the Difference Between a Lifestyler and a Player?
Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.
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The chat nights are on vacation for the summer. Check back in September when they start back up! Enjoy the season — outdoors!
Recent Journal Prompts
Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.
“Only a life lived in the service to others is worth living.”-Albert Einstein
How do you see yourself in one year? Five years? Ten years? Why do you see yourself that way?
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Featured Podcast of the Week
The People of Kink
82 episodes available. Latest on 15 Jun 2014, 5:00am GMT : “dal4me and fire-slayer”
The People of Kink Podcast tells the story of the real people in the bdsm lifestyle. From their earliest moment of kink to where they are today. The highs and lows and everything in between.
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That’s it for this edition. If you have interesting bookmarks you’d like to share, email them to me at subguide@gmail.com with the subject: Interesting link and I’ll take a look!
–lunaKM
Ask lunaKM – Forced to Lose Weight, Snarky Submissives and Looking for Community
Expressing Your Submission (with hair!)
Find a Munch at FindaMunch.com!
After the Scene is Over – Clean-up, Aftercare, and Check-Ins
#domsubchat – Transcript of Twitter Chat – Dating and Finding a Partner in BSM
Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.
June 20, 2014
Ask lunaKM – How Do You BDSM Sext?
how does one BDSM sext? I’m a submissive who’s never been in a relationship before the long distance D/s one I’m currently in… so I’ve never sexted and suddenly we’re doing (virtual) suspension, bondage and whippings! What do I say? Apart from “I moan”, “I submit” and “I obey”… what CAN I say?
Sexting is an art in expressing yourself well in fantasy. Someone with a really good imagination and ability to describe things will be good at sexting. Cyber sex in general is about creating a story of sex or play between the people writing.
Use your imagination and describe the scene, from what things might feel or smell like, how you are responding, the thoughts going through you head and how sexually turned on you are.
A good way to practice is to turn on some porn, mute it and then describe what is going on as detailed as possible. Don’t forget to describe facial gestures, how they are positioned, what they might be saying to one another, the sounds that are going on or what they are thinking. Develop a back story if that helps you.
Cyber sex is all in the mind. Reading the fantasy is one thing, participating in it is another. Engage your partner with details that will get you both hot and bothered.
Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!
Related Posts:
Ask lunaKM – Personal Safety Advice
Ask lunaKM – Asking for Attention
Ask lunaKM – Is It Okay to be a Bedroom-Only Submissive?
Ask lunaKM – Like-minded Friends w/ Herpes?
Ask lunaKM – Recovering from a D/s Breakup
Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.
