Luna Carruthers's Blog, page 76

Ask lunaKM – All Dominants Like a Challenge, Say What?!

My D has said that his last relationship of a S ended because there was no challenge, she was too submissive. I understand that to be coy, aloof, play hard to get and or I’m busy can be an attractive feature, but part of my attraction to involving myself in this lifestyle is the appeal to not have to play games and be able to give myself completely to my d. I have read the statement online that d’s like a challenge. I’m not sure I can be both.

I have and always do, feel deeply for my d. I am already scared of loosing him.

He is away, and I want to text him again and again, even when I not receive a response, but scared I will appear not a challenge. Time to move on.

Please help.

Dear scared of losing him,

This may sound silly coming from an online site, but don’t believe all you read online. Overarching generalizations, such as Dominants like challenging submissives, are notoriously inaccurate. Only some Dominants like challenge. Others, and I daresay the majority, prefer to not have to work so hard for submission. I know that KnyghtMare would not be with me if he had to constantly fight me for my submission. He wants it willingly given without me being coy.

There are so many different kinds of submissives out there. I’m certain that you don’t have to pretend to be someone you aren’t just to keep the one Dominant you’ve found shows interest in you. You can pick and choose who you will submit too and I’m sure you will find someone who likes your style of submission.

So you’ve found a Dominant that prefers to play hard to get submissive and you know you aren’t that sort of submissive. I know you are scared of losing him, but it sounds like you are not compatible. You can’t pretend to be aloof and he can’t pretend to enjoy a non-challenge. I think you already know. It’s time to move on and find someone who will enjoy the type of submissive you are.

–lunaKM

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on September 03, 2014 07:00

The Things I Carry That Help My Submission

https://www.flickr.com/photos/85546319@N04/8709816111/in/photostream/

The other day, I was going through folders in my inbox, just to see what I had in there, especially the one folder I have labeled “assorted stuff”, which by the way, is not the way to go if you’re wanting to stay organized in any fashion. It’s become my dump all for emails and whatnot I’m not sure where else to put besides creating a folder for that one item. I found something I hadn’t seen in a very, very long time. It was a homework assignment from a past dominant of mine. I’m a major literature geek and I got lucky enough at one point to have a dominant who was a Vietnam literature professor. I can’t tell you how much I loved being able to get my geek on and have someone who shared my love and passion for books. One of the books he brought me to read is “The Things They Carried” by Tim O’Brien and it’s a collection of short stories about an American platoon in Vietnam. He taught this book in his class and gave an assignment along with it: to write about five things, psychical, mental, emotionally, that the student carries with them. After I read the book, I was given this assignment as well. It was an interesting paper to write and one of those extremely thought-provoking ones as well. It was extremely interesting to re-read it considering I was in my early twenties when I wrote this and to see how the things I carried back then have changed from the things I carry now. It also got me thinking about the five things I carry for my submission, the things that me keep in my slave mindset or help with enhancing my submission.

1. My Tablet- The reason this particular item is important(other than the fact it holds all my ebooks!)is because it’s the way I stay in touch with Daddy when I’m out and about. It’s how I can let Him know where I’m at and what I’m doing at any given time during my day. It’s also wonderful for helping me keep track of my shopping lists, appointments, and anything else I may need to know.

2, My Collar-I am sure every submissive and slave are nodding their heads yes as they’re reading this. My collar really does help keep me centered. No matter where I am at or what’s going on, any time I start feeling like things are just spiraling out of control, all I have to do is hold onto the heart-shaped lock, and everything is right in the world once again.

3. My Scars-I’ve had these for quite some time, even before Daddy was in the picture. I used to cut and on a fairly regular basis. You can see them on both arms and they’re not exactly something I’m proud of, but they are a part of me and tell part of my story. I know this is an odd thing to use to say that helps with my submission, but it helps to remind me the kind of slave I want to be for Daddy and that doesn’t include going back to the person I used to be. They remind me of where I have been, how far I have come, and how much I have to look forward to.

4. My Slave Mantra-Like with my collar, this helps me to find my focus. There are times where I find myself wanting to do things I’m not supposed to do and I struggle with not giving into temptation and that is when my mantra comes into play. I can not tell you how many odd looks I have gotten from people as I am walking up and down the aisle at the grocery store muttering this to myself. I also use my mantra to open my journal entries to Daddy because they do help to put me in the proper mindset when I’m sitting down to spill my heart out to Him.

5. My Stuffed Bambi-My slave name is bambi, so of course that means I am obsessed with everything Bambi and that I have a stuffed one as well. I sleep with it every night and sometimes even when I’m out running errands, sometimes Bambi does come with me. Anytime there are any overnight trips away from home and or Daddy, bambi comes along to help keep me company and not feel so lonely. Even when I’m just watching TV, I will curl up with on the couch because it makes me feel better, makes me feel safe and secure. Plus, the Bambi is a huge part of my little side as well.

This is just a small list of the things I carry with me(whether physically, mentally, and emotionally)that help me with my submission and help me be the slave that I want to be. So, to turn this around, I would love to hear from everyone out there, what things do you carry that help you with your submission?

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on September 02, 2014 07:00

Ask lunaKM – What should I expect the first meeting?

hello again, ive been talking with a DOM who is considering me for sub training. and wants me to go to him, what should i be expecting on the first face to face meet. ? wendylee

Well, that’s a difficult question with a simple answer. You expect whatever the two of you negotiated would happen.

I say this because a first meeting can be anything from having coffee together, going on a date, to full-on sex and play. It’s simply based on what the two of you are comfortable doing and how you want the relationship to progress. Oftentimes, if communication is strong then you’ll know what is expected of you, you will have agreed to it and the anticipation of meeting will be magnetic.

Othertimes the meeting is unplanned and you are unsure what will happen and just go with the flow. That can lead you to dangerous waters; from play you really aren’t interested in, unplanned sex, being alone with someone who you find really creepy face to face, and more risky things.

I would err on the side of caution and go with a dating atmosphere first, especially since you said you have just started talking to them.

Expect to be:

nervous
cautious
self-aware
excited
horny
unsure

Here is some more advice on first meetings and what to expect.

http://www.submissiveguide.com/2009/08/meetings-safely/

http://www.submissiveguide.com/2011/05/first-encounter/

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on September 01, 2014 15:00

One is Silver and the Other Gold: The Importance of Friends

Moving is hard. There’s no mincing words about it and it’s probably very obvious that change isn’t easy. The other night I hosted the last Submissive Forum in my area. I’ve hosted them for 2 years, made a lot of wonderful friends and learned so much about myself and submission. There’s something about friendship and support that feeds me in a way nothing else can. I find friendship important. These men and women had been my support system for 2 years and now I had to say goodbye to them.

I held myself together for the meeting, but inside I was saying goodbye and already missing people. They’ve changed my life, improved my submission and opened my eyes to even more unique and interesting ways to live. I’m so thankful that I can meet and get to know so many people and having to say goodbye is hard, so hard. I cried on my way home and vowed to make it back as soon as I could.

I’m already planning to start a submissive forum in the new town since there isn’t one and I’m sure I will have many new friends and experiences. These new experiences and friends will definitely continue my self exploration, open my eyes to more ways to live in D/s and certainly I’ll build more friends and a support system I can use here when I need it.

The thing is that I don’t make friends easily and I’m even worse at keeping them. I’ve known this about myself since my childhood school days. I had one friend. While we were inseparable we’ve often said that if we met as adults we wouldn’t be friends. We are so very different now. I think, also, that as adults, making friends is harder. You have work and family, children and other things that make you so very busy with life in general that feeding a friendship and making them a priority can often get pushed to the side. We’ve become an instant gratification culture – when nurturing friendships is a long-term commitment.

The Health Benefits of Friendship

Friends can really do a body good too. I’m sure you have heard of the health benefits of friends but let’s go over them again. Friends are there to celebrate the good times and support you in bad. They help prevent loneliness and give you a chance to offer your own companionship too. They also:

Increase your sense of belonging and purpose
Boost your happiness and reduce your stress
Improve your self-confidence and self-worth
Help you cope with traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or the death of a loved one
Encourage you to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits, such as excessive drinking or lack of exercise
How does social media affect friendships?

Joining a chat group or online community like FetLife.com might help you make or maintain connections and relieve loneliness. However, use of social networking sites doesn’t necessarily translate to a larger offline network or closer offline relationships with network members. How many of the people on your friends list do you talk to regularly and enjoy chatting with? 20%, 10%, far less? Even if you limit your friends list to people you’ve met face to face, how strong is your connection to these people.

How can I nurture my friendships?

Developing and maintaining friendships is about give and take. You have to find time to make them a priority in your life. It’s about being there for them when they need it and accepting their company when you do. It’s about connecting to someone in all phases of their life – good, better and worse. Let them know that you care about them and the bond will strengthen and grow.

To nurture your friendships:

Accept yourself. Cultivate a healthy, realistic self-image. Work on building your self-esteem by taking care of yourself — eat a healthy diet and include physical activity in your daily routine. Insecurity and constant self-criticism can be turnoffs to potential friends.
Accept others. Don’t judge. Give your friends space to change, grow and make mistakes. Encourage your friends to freely express their emotions. Don’t belittle or make fun of what the other person thinks or feels.
Be positive. Think of friendship as an emotional bank account. Every act of kindness and every expression of approval are deposits into this account, while criticism and negativity draw down the account. Nonstop complaining puts a strain on a friendship.
Don’t compete. Don’t let friendships turn into a battle over who makes the most money or who has the nicest home. Instead, admire their talents and celebrate their good fortune.
Listen up. Ask what’s going on in your friends’ lives. Let the other person know you are paying close attention through eye contact, body language and occasional brief comments like, “That sounds fun.” When friends share details of hard times or difficult experiences, be empathetic, but don’t give advice unless your friends ask for it.
Respect boundaries. Keep confidential any personal information that your friends share with you. Try not to ask questions that make your friends uncomfortable.

Remember, it’s never too late to build new friendships or reconnect with old friends. Investing time in making friends and strengthening your friendships can pay off in better health and a brighter outlook for years to come.

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on September 01, 2014 07:00

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

KnyghtMare and I got to play this weekend and after a long dry spell I’m sure that we’ll be back at it again soon. It was lots of fun and I have lovely bruises to show for it!

Labor Day heralds the unofficial end of summer and I’m sure most of you have children or know of someone with children that are back at school now. Our education never ends and for a submissive there’s so much to learn! What I’d like to know from you today, down in the comments, are your questions about Long Distance Relationships. If you are in one, or just curious about them, put your questions in the comments and I’ll try to get you some posts on the topics this coming month!

Join the growing list of fans that get to hang out with me monthly on Google Hangout!

I work hard to write and produce the content and I don’t ask for much in return. This is a small way you can show me that you appreciate my efforts. If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a patron of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $3 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:

This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

Manners, Etiquette and Appropriateness When Interacting with People in the Scene
Below the Mood of Blue: One Girl’s Experience With Depression by charmed blyss
Weekend Giveaway: Domination & Submission – The BDSM Relationship Handbook by Michael Makai (1 Winner)
Menu and List Planners in Three Fun Designs!

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask lunaKM Advice Column

The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

Ask lunaKM – How do I get physical Dominance when I’m stronger?
Ask lunaKM – Suggestions for a D/s Wedding Ceremony
Ask lunaKM – Where can I find information about the Leather Lifestyle?

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2013: Book Review: Leading and Supportive Love
In 2012: Ask the Readers – Have You Read 50 Shades of Grey?
In 2011: What is a Munch?
In 2010: Book Review: Domestic Discipline
In 2009: Another 7 Things You Can Do Today to Improve Your Submission

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Next Submissive Guide Chat Night

Come make friends and chit-chat. Twice monthly discussions, all are welcome. Chat room is open 24/7 for conversation.

Date: September 2nd, 2014

Time: 8PM Central (Not in CST? Find out the time where you are!)

Topic: Submissive Positions

Join Chat Room Now!

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

“I had nothing to conceal, nothing to keep secret. I belonged to my master, all of me, my thoughts, my love, my body, everything I was and could be!” -John Norman, Dancer of Gor
Is it wrong to believe in something or someone without proof?
“A riding crop and a blindfold doesn’t make it BDSM. There is a big difference between being kinky and being in the scene. It’s not a sexual thing to me, it’s a very spiritual thing.” – DominaBlue
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!
Featured Podcast of the Week – The People of Kink

Poly Round Table

31 Aug 2014, 5:00am GMT

→ The People of Kink

I invited my Leather Family on to discuss Poly this week. Featuring Eva Morgan, karly1970, Solotaire, Rubee Tuesday and Crazy Heart.

MP3 audio (94MB, 69min)

Podcast RSS

iTunes subscribe

If you have interesting bookmarks you’d like to share, email them to me at subguide@gmail.com with the subject: Interesting link and I’ll take a look!That’s it for this edition.

–lunaKM

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on August 31, 2014 10:00

Ask lunaKM – Where can I find information about the Leather Lifestyle?

I’m involved in the kink community and recently have become interested in the Leather community, unfortunately I haven’t been able to learn much about it on my own and I don’t see any of my Leather friends regularly (I live pretty far from the munches they go to). Do you know of any 101 type Leather resources or blogs devoted to Leather? (I mean Leather as in the tight knit community and not the fetish)

The best place for information related to Leather Lifestyle is the National Leather Archives and Museum in Chicago, Illinois. You can browse their website and learn what they have to offer you as far as the history of Leather, who participates now, from the Gay and Hetero communities and so much more.

Leather Archives and Museum

Here’s a great primer article from the Society of Janus about the origin of the term, “Ask Janus: Kink, BDSM and Leather – Which is It?”

And now for a decent short list:

Leatherati (www.leatherati.com) – The leather community lifestyle blog for all of your favorite leather people, events and news.

The Leather Journal (http://www.theleatherjournal.com/) - This website is meant to be viewed by consenting adults who wish to learn about the Leather/BDSM/Fetish lifestyle and/or to contact clubs, organizations and businesses related to the Leather/BDSM/Fetish lifestyle.

The LeatherView (http://www.leatherviews.com) Jack Rinella’s home pages, full of information for kinky people and those who want to be.

Enjoy your exploration into Leather History!

—lunaKM

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on August 29, 2014 15:00

Menu and List Planners in Three Fun Designs!

The Bold Abode brings you three fantastic looking menu planners to help you organize your weekly meals and menus. And make sure you check out all of the printables available on The Bold Abode!

Download the Menu and List Printables from The Bold Abode!

Related Posts:
contract-facebook-cover-image" title="[Free Printable] Ancient Egyptian Woman’s Slave Contract – Facebook Cover Image">[Free Printable] Ancient Egyptian Woman’s Slave Contract – Facebook Cover Image
[Free Printable] A Submissive Is…
Service Tip: Making The Most Of A Frugal Food Budget
Save Money, Time and Sanity with Menu Planning

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on August 29, 2014 07:00

Weekend Giveaway: Domination & Submission – The BDSM Relationship Handbook by Michael Makai (1 Winner)

I’m so excited for the final giveaway for the Summer Giveaway Series here on Submissive Guide. That’s right, this is the last one folks. I have a copy of Michael Makai’s book, “Domination & Submission – The BDSM Relationship Handbook” that I reviewed at the beginning of the summer. It’s a fantastic book for any place in your personal D/s journey and has a lot of wonderful information.

Enter now for your chance to win ”Domination & Submission – The BDSM Relationship Handbook” by Michael Makai!

US RESIDENTS ONLY!

The definitive handbook on Domination and Submission (D/s) relationships and the BDSM lifestyle. A must-read for anyone considering or curious about non-traditional relationships within a fetish culture context. Funny, insightful, educational, and inspiring.

Author Michael Makai goes in-depth on Dominants, submissives, switches, primals, and their relationship dynamics. Learn about BDSM activities, bondage, toys, groups, protocols, and safety. This book even dares to go where others fear to tread: Primal relationships, online BDSM relationships, the Gorean subculture, first meetings, religion vs. kink, and the many ways it can all go wrong.

You’ll love Michael Makai’s irreverent and humorous treatment of this subject as he gives you the benefit of his 35+ years of experience in the D/s and BDSM lifestyles. (496 pages, Paperback)

As I said I reviewed this book so check out the review to get even more excited to enter!

Learn more about the author and the book at his website!

Would you like to win Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook by Michael Makai? Just click on the graphic below and type in your email address. This giveaway ends Sunday August 31st, at 11:59 pm, CST. One winner will be chosen and posted on Tuesday.

US RESIDENTS ONLY!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on August 28, 2014 10:00

Submissive Chat Night: Submissive Positions

It’s time again for another chat night here at Submissive Guide. I’d welcome everyone to come on in Tuesday for a bit of conversation. Anything and everything can be discussed. Please come with questions or a curiosity about Dominant/submissive relationships.

Info

When: 09/02/14 @ 8 PM CST – 9:30 PM CST (Not in CST? Find out the time where you are!)

Where: Chat room on the website, or use an IRC Client

Topic: Submissive Positions

What are common positions?
What are Gorean style positions?
How can I adapt them?
Are they necessary?
more…

HOW TO GET TO THE CHAT ROOM

The chat room is attached to this site under the link at the top, or you can click this link here. It will ask for your nickname and then automatically connect you to the chat room. It is open all the time, so if you want to meet some people, hang out in there. I try to be there when I’m at my computer too.

If you use an IRC desktop client you can connect to the server directly. Here is the information you need to find the room:

Server: irc.kink-network.com

Port: 6667

Channel: #submissive-guide

Questions? Let me know. Otherwise I hope to see a lot of you there on Tuesday!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on August 28, 2014 07:00

Ask lunaKM – Suggestions for a D/s Wedding Ceremony

Dear Annie:
I am a submissive to my Master for about a year now. We are engaged and I introduced him to the lifestyle immediatly. We are planning on getting married October 3rd of this year. Since we have both been married before we are going to either elope or just go to the court house. Here’s the thing, we were actually thinking of trying to find a private ceremony which implemented the D/s lifestyle into it. I have already been collared by my Master and have a contract. But we would really like to do something else because the lifestyle is 24/7 and very important in our lives. Do you have any suggestions for a ceremony or ideas that would help us. Are there places we could officially get married in a special ceremony that made our marraige official? We are very serious and if that is not possible we would like to still do something unofficially that sealed our D/s relationship. Thank you SubChelle

Dear SubChelle,

Congratulations on your impending wedding! I’m sure you are very excited for this next milestone in your relationship and the joy of years ahead full of love and happiness.

The beauty of a private ceremony is that you can have a celebrant customize the wedding to your tastes and there are all sorts of people that have registered online to become a wedding officiant. Depending on where you live this could be a legal option for you. Your best friend could even do it for you! But if an online ordination isn’t preferred there are still options.

During a celebrant interview, tell them that you’d like to perform rituals or symbolism ceremonies that may not be mainstream or that are unique to you and your relationship. Most will work with you to customize your wedding to your preferences. Things like applying a special collar during the wedding, tattoos or brands are unique but more common now and special personal vows also work. Small things work too. I had “to obey” re-added to the vows I was given. Other ideas that I thought about before my marriage was curtsying to KM after arriving at the end of the isle. I wore my collar with my dress. Handfasting is a common way to incorporate a bonding ceremony. Anything you wish to do can be added if your celebrant agrees to it.

As to where you can get married legally that’s up to your local laws. Some allow outdoor wedding while others require them to be only in specific venues. You should contact your county courthouse and ask about marriage laws to find out if they have limitations.

Remember though that the people you invite to the wedding might not be in the know and so they won’t understand what you are doing. You’ll have to come up with some explanation if you aren’t ready to come out about your lifestyle choices to them.

Good luck planning your wedding and enjoy your day!

–lunaKM

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on August 27, 2014 07:00