Luna Carruthers's Blog, page 76

Submissive Chat Night: Submissive Positions

It’s time again for another chat night here at Submissive Guide. I’d welcome everyone to come on in Tuesday for a bit of conversation. Anything and everything can be discussed. Please come with questions or a curiosity about Dominant/submissive relationships.

Info

When: 09/02/14 @ 8 PM CST – 9:30 PM CST (Not in CST? Find out the time where you are!)

Where: Chat room on the website, or use an IRC Client

Topic: Submissive Positions

What are common positions?
What are Gorean style positions?
How can I adapt them?
Are they necessary?
more…

HOW TO GET TO THE CHAT ROOM

The chat room is attached to this site under the link at the top, or you can click this link here. It will ask for your nickname and then automatically connect you to the chat room. It is open all the time, so if you want to meet some people, hang out in there. I try to be there when I’m at my computer too.

If you use an IRC desktop client you can connect to the server directly. Here is the information you need to find the room:

Server: irc.kink-network.com

Port: 6667

Channel: #submissive-guide

Questions? Let me know. Otherwise I hope to see a lot of you there on Tuesday!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on August 28, 2014 07:00

Ask lunaKM – Suggestions for a D/s Wedding Ceremony

Dear Annie:
I am a submissive to my Master for about a year now. We are engaged and I introduced him to the lifestyle immediatly. We are planning on getting married October 3rd of this year. Since we have both been married before we are going to either elope or just go to the court house. Here’s the thing, we were actually thinking of trying to find a private ceremony which implemented the D/s lifestyle into it. I have already been collared by my Master and have a contract. But we would really like to do something else because the lifestyle is 24/7 and very important in our lives. Do you have any suggestions for a ceremony or ideas that would help us. Are there places we could officially get married in a special ceremony that made our marraige official? We are very serious and if that is not possible we would like to still do something unofficially that sealed our D/s relationship. Thank you SubChelle

Dear SubChelle,

Congratulations on your impending wedding! I’m sure you are very excited for this next milestone in your relationship and the joy of years ahead full of love and happiness.

The beauty of a private ceremony is that you can have a celebrant customize the wedding to your tastes and there are all sorts of people that have registered online to become a wedding officiant. Depending on where you live this could be a legal option for you. Your best friend could even do it for you! But if an online ordination isn’t preferred there are still options.

During a celebrant interview, tell them that you’d like to perform rituals or symbolism ceremonies that may not be mainstream or that are unique to you and your relationship. Most will work with you to customize your wedding to your preferences. Things like applying a special collar during the wedding, tattoos or brands are unique but more common now and special personal vows also work. Small things work too. I had “to obey” re-added to the vows I was given. Other ideas that I thought about before my marriage was curtsying to KM after arriving at the end of the isle. I wore my collar with my dress. Handfasting is a common way to incorporate a bonding ceremony. Anything you wish to do can be added if your celebrant agrees to it.

As to where you can get married legally that’s up to your local laws. Some allow outdoor wedding while others require them to be only in specific venues. You should contact your county courthouse and ask about marriage laws to find out if they have limitations.

Remember though that the people you invite to the wedding might not be in the know and so they won’t understand what you are doing. You’ll have to come up with some explanation if you aren’t ready to come out about your lifestyle choices to them.

Good luck planning your wedding and enjoy your day!

–lunaKM

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on August 27, 2014 07:00

Below the Mood of Blue: One Girl’s Experience With Depression

Below the Mood of Blue, by charmed blyss

Disclaimer: Though this post deals with depression and suicide, please note that blyss is not a mental health professional, this article isn’t written to diagnose or outline professional treatment for any mental illness. A short list of suggested reading and resources will be provided at the end of the post. If you are having thoughts of suicide, please pick up the phone and call the National Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-TALK (8255) right now.

With the recent passing of actor/comedian Robin Williams there has been more of a buzz about getting help to treat depression before it reaches the point of attempting suicide. Unfortunately, much of the buzz has waned at this point. It’s unfortunate because in general, most people in their day-to-day lives, still gloss over depression with all its symptoms and effects, unless of course he/she is directly affected by depression – then that’s a different matter altogether. As my journey continues, it’s not unusual to come across those (often many) that have or are dealing with depression in some form – seasonal, low-grade, temporary (triggered by dealing with grief, loss of a relationship, work stress, etc.), manic, premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), and the list goes on. There’s a stigma associated with depression (or any form of mental or emotional illness for that matter). Often times, people who cope/suffer with depression are labeled as crazy or weird. Emotionally ‘healthy’ or ‘stable’ family members (and friends) struggle with understanding the depressed individual; often times a relative will tell them to ‘snap out of it.’ My ma’s go to advice was to tell me to ‘blot it out your mind,’ which of course is usually way easier said than done for the depressed individual.

This girl’s experience with depression

By the age of 10, there had already been two definitive attempts to end my life and many more ‘walk-throughs’ of possible ways to make an exit. There was a brief period of about 3 years (the middle school years) that life was exciting and full of hope. However by the end of my freshmen year of high school depression had been triggered and there would be 3 more subsequent attempts with the last one (at the age of 18) leaving my bewildered ma in denial, at least outwardly so. The last attempt was ruled as an accident of an out of control car (mine) that crashed into a telephone poll at about 50 mph, and that’s what she accepted. But there was one auntie that didn’t accept the ‘freak, out of control car’ ruling. When she came to me in the emergency room, she stood next to me crying and made me promise to never try to commit suicide again. In reality, the promise was made, but other ‘passive’ ways were carried out: i.e. not caring for my personal health, suppressing emotions or denying them, retreating into myself/mind, and ballooning to over 400lbs in my adult years. It wasn’t until somewhere in my early to mid-30s that it dawned on me what had happened all that time, and it was then that changes were gradually made to begin living in order to come up from below the mood blue.

For me, there’s no point in publicly going in to every aspect of what triggered the depressive/suicidal states that were experienced, to do so would take away from the intention of this post. But in each instance, there never seemed to be a way to stop the mental/emotional pain except to simply retreat from the world and sleep. And when that pain and anguish invaded my sleep or kept me from sleeping, the ‘rational’ out was to make that sleep permanent. As a very young child, of course there was really no understanding of what was happening inside of me, but in short my emotions, thoughts, and triggers overwhelmed me. As an adult, the option used to ‘manage’ all of that was to distance myself from what overwhelmed me and keep my relationships (friendship and intimate) on a ‘rational’ and superficial (distant) playing field (that’s not healthy, by the way).

Learning to live in the light

There came a day when staying in my cocoon was far more depressing and excruciating than being outside of it. It was like having this slow agonizing torturous death by loneliness, boredom, passive destructive behavior, and simply existing and not living a full and productive life. There was an attitude change from reactionary decision-making to making more proactive and forward thinking choices. No matter how small the proactive choices seemed at the time, they all added up over the long run (over a period of years, not months). Also, there have been three major influences that helped me live and experience more enjoyment in life:

Seeking professional help – just recently someone said, “You don’t have to tell everything to everyone, but you have to tell everything to someone.” This is where professional help comes in quite handy, having a therapist is an open invitation to tell the truth and shame the devil. There was a time when doing so left me feeling quite inadequate, but living in my head alone coupled with trust issues made this the best option for me. There are some really wonderful counselors, therapists, and psychiatrists but it may take some time to find the right match. It’s important to be patient and at least get a very basic list prepared of what’s needed to open up. For myself, there was a time when it was important to have a female therapist… until the day there was no other option but to have a male therapist! But you know, that was the best therapeutic/counseling experience ever! And please know that there are professionals and professional services that offer discounted or free sessions, it just requires some looking and digging depending on your location.
Leaning on my faith – not everyone has a religious affiliation, but, this was/is something that has helped me tremendously. It’s my belief that my life is not my own, therefore, it’s not mine to take, squander, or sabotage, although admittedly it took me some time to get solid with this. With that in mind, it was important for me to find my purpose and live it. This is remembered almost daily at this point – almost because many days, life is flowing so freely that the reminder isn’t necessary! For those that don’t have a religious affiliation, time can be spent in meditation and reading universal words of inspiration.
Moving this body – it’s amazing how much exercising or being active changes one’s perspective! It’s been a long arduous journey to be consistent, but finally, there’s consistency in my workout routine. Not only that, but at this point my weekly activity level has increased tremendously. The adrenaline/endorphin rush achieved from an intense routine that leaves me sweaty, panting, and aching is awesomeness!! Even if my mood is a little low before working out, afterwards, a girl is feeling like Wonder Woman (only more giddy). At this point in my journey, though being a responsible steward of my body is a definite priority, it’s one of the more enjoyable priorities. For so many years there was a disconnect between my mind and body, but not anymore!
And this ties into the Lifestyle, like, how?

As a slave, it’s my responsibility to take care of me. A depressed slave isn’t able to give the best of service and a dead slave can’t serve at all. That may sound harsh, but that’s the reality of the matter. Everything that helped me to live life rather than exist became a part of the growing hope inside of me – hope that was desperately needed. Truly, there was a deeper desire and curiosity in regards to how my future would unravel, how much life could be enjoyed, how certain experiences would feel – suddenly the ‘need’ or ‘want’ to disappear faded away. Because being a service oriented slave is such an intricate part of my core, being able to fully express that ‘hidden’ part of myself became a part of all the new-found hope. It would have been unfair of me to attempt to use the Lifestyle as therapy, an escape from my internal condition, or to expect a Master to fix me (because Master’s are magical, right?). This doesn’t mean that certain aspects of the Lifestyle can’t be therapeutic or cathartic. It also doesn’t mean that a Master can’t assist with the healing process – it just shouldn’t be expected

At the risk of sounding like a PSA – if you or anyone you know (that includes your Dom/Master or sub/slave sister/brother) is visibly suffering, please reach out for help and support! It may not be the easiest thing to do, but it’s a rewarding thing to do. Please take advantage of the resources listed below and the multitude of additional resources found through searches.

Lots of love,

blyss

Articles:

9 Depression Types to Know
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)

Resources:

National Alliance on Mental Illness
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Veteran’s Crisis Line
Kink Aware Professionals Directory on the NCSF website

- Therapists and Counselors- Psychologists
Related Posts:
Tips on How to Attend a BDSM Convention on a Budget
Handling Guilt from Mistakes and Punishment
Balancing Depression and Submission
Caring for Yourself After a Scene: Self-Aftercare
Ask lunaKM – How to Rebuild Self-Esteem

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on August 26, 2014 07:00

Ask lunaKM – How do I get physical Dominance when I’m stronger?

Heya! I’m a martial artist (aikido / jiu jitsu) and a sub. I am strongly attracted to my Dom despite his lack of fitness, however whenever he holds me down I can easily push him off if I want to, etc. Even tied up I can often escape. I have no wish to be a brat, but even gentle testing of (physical) boundaries results in me winning and I don’t want to – I want to submit. How do I get physical dominance from him when I am so much physically stronger?

Good question! What I’d suggest is two-fold.

First, have him learn quick ties like Hojojutsu, pressure points and stress holds. They require very little physical strength to bring down people. It could definitely give him an upper hand when you feel the need to push on his physical strength. Other options would be for him to enter the same classes that you are trained in and learn some of what you know. If you are familiar with self-defense classes often directed to women you know there are ways to get the upper hand when your faced with a larger/stronger enemy. If he learned some of those tricks it could help keep him in control physically and you’d have less outs.

Second, figure out why you are testing his physical strength when it’s clear you have the training necessary to avoid most forms of pinning. It’s obvious that you want to be with him for some reason other than his physical strength and ability so find a way to surrender your control that isn’t physical. Some of the most powerful submission comes from the mind and heart and can lay you immobile with just a word. Submit to him because you can, not because he can make you.

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on August 25, 2014 15:00

Manners, Etiquette and Appropriateness When Interacting with People in the Scene

from the Submissive Guide Newsletter 5/24/14

One thing I learned while putting together the Guide to Your First Munch was that when someone goes to a meeting for kinky people, with the idea that they are entering a whole new world, they think that all the courtesies and manners they learned before are somehow no longer extinct. People often ask me how they should interact with others in a social setting when they have titles like Dominant or Master or slave or switch. That, in itself, is daunting to them. It scares them. They don’t want to insult them or appear ignorant. In truth, those same manners and courtesy that was schooled in you as a child works here too.

I can sympathize. When I first starting learning about BDSM and D/s dynamics it was online. Online chat rooms and sites often have rules and protocol in place to help delineate who is talking. So Dominants will capitalize their name, submissives will call them Sir and capitalize their pronouns when they refer to them. It’s commonplace in these chat rooms. So when the novice finally walks into a restaurant where they will meet Dominants face to face the fear that they will have to know some secret protocol regarding interaction there can freeze some people dead in their tracks.

Let’s Start with Introductions

When you first meet someone an introduction breaks the ground to more conversation, an openness and an acceptance of who you are and why you are there. At the kink events I’ve been to, real names are not expected or asked for, except for registration purposes. But for the simple, “hello, I’m Luna,” sort you can use whatever nickname or first name you feel comfortable giving. Some people may give you a name that starts with an honorific like Sir or Master. Use these if you are comfortable or if you are certain they’ve been awarded the title, such as having earned their cover at a Leather event. Of course if you are a newcomer you won’t know that off-hand. It’s not a necessity to use titles, even if you are submissive. The only person you should kowtow to is your own Dominant.

Once you’ve introduced yourself a lot of the nerves should subside. You know how the other person wishes to be addressed and you can start a conversation. So, relax! The rest is common cordial conversation.

Manners Appear More Visible

As a child you learn to not interrupt someone, to be polite, say please and thank you and many other social courtesies meant to be acceptable and approving. The same thing holds true here, but it does tend to seem more obvious if the event is structured as something more than a meet and greet. Treat people how you want to be treated. Going above and beyond the usual courtesies can look and sound lovely if the dynamic you are in requires it, but if it’s not expected of you then just be yourself. What I mean by this is simple, I’m expected to call all known Dominants as Sir “Name” or Madam “Name”. Pleases and thank you’s are frequent and common with me. I do my best to be as courteous as possible. That’s part of my dynamic’s protocol. But if you don’t have a similar protocol then it isn’t necessary or expected of you.

Hugging vs Handshakes

In some areas of the country it is not uncommon for people to hug instead of give handshakes. Many times at munches I thought it was one big hug fest as people began to leave, but quickly realized that the ones who knew each other were the only ones hugging. If this is something that you are okay with, then accept them graciously. However, if you are uncomfortable hugging people you don’t know particularly well, then quickly put out your hand for a shake or hold your hand up when they come in for a hug. It’s not impolite; it’s just establishing a boundary. They should pick up the signal and understand. Waving from a distance is okay too.

Hopefully you’ve understood a bit of basic courtesies and how to interact with people in your local community!

Thoughts to Ponder

If you haven’t attended a local munch yet, why not? What is it about attending a munch that scares you?

If you have attended local munches have you witnessed any inappropriate use of manners and etiquette? What did you do in those situations?

Interesting Links
Play Nice: Some Notes on Scene Etiquette and Leather Protocol by Ambrosio
BDSM Manners and Traditions

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on August 25, 2014 07:00

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

I’ve been sick this week with a stomach bug of some sort and even though I did most of my chores, my plan to get back into my routine didn’t go as well as I’d like. Of course I will continue to work hard at it and hopefully the illness has passed!

I’ll be putting a call out for more contributors and authors for the site soon, so get your example writing together so that when I do you can send it in! Guest authors are vital to sharing varying opinions and viewpoints on topics that interest you!

Become a Submissive Guide Patron!

I work hard to write and produce the content and I don’t ask for much in return. This is a small way you can show me that you appreciate my efforts. If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a patron of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $3 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:

This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

Using Your Safeword Is Not a Sign of Failure
Book Review- Unveiled: The Secret Submissive Within by tequilarose
Weekend Giveaway: Miss Kitten Slave Collar by Beautifully Bound (1 Winner)

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask lunaKM Advice Column

The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

Ask lunaKM – How can I teach my boyfriend about kink without affecting the dynamic?
Ask lunaKM – I Need More Rules, But I Don’t Know What to Suggest
Ask lunaKM – Is he Dominant or Domineering?

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2013: Pain Play Discussed Online – Explore The Variety of Views
In 2012: Domestic Challenge of the Day – Cooking for a Picky Dominant
In 2011: Dominant vs. Domineering
In 2010: The Female of the Species by thisgirl
In 2009: My Submission is Better Than Your Submission

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Next Submissive Guide Chat Night

Come make friends and chit-chat. Twice monthly discussions, all are welcome. Chat room is open 24/7 for conversation.

Date: September 2nd, 2014

Time: 8PM Central (Not in CST? Find out the time where you are!)

Topic: Free Chat

Join Chat Room Now!

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

“A slave’s life is mostly composed of patience and study. Yes, study. If not with actual books, then following the example of greater, senior slaves. Or learning every nuance of their owner’s character, so that they can more completely and seamlessly offer themselves at the right time and in the right manner.” – Laura Antoniou, “The Marketplace”
When was the last time you cried?
Do you have to ask permission to do basic needs like eating, drinking, or going to the bathroom? How does this enhance your submission?
Can one be partially owned?
What unexpected skill have you found to be most useful in your service?
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!
Featured Podcast of the Week – The Passion and Soul Podcast

PS048 – Am I Kinky? Erotic Experimenting and Experience

18 Aug 2014, 9:53pm GMT

→ The Passion And Soul Podcast by Lee Harrington

Is wearing lingerie kinky? What about eating truffles? Does the answer change if you are an exhibitionist or food fetishist? Join Lee Harrington as he explores spicy sexuality by explaining the sandwich method of trying out new play, reflects on individual journeys in the community, and has fun spreading it on a bit sexy. Be forewarned, you may get hungry for food or your own erotic authenticity. Passion And Soul Podcast: iTunes Subscription: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/p... odcast-by-lee/id840372122 RSS Feed: http://passionandsoul.libsyn.com/rss Past MP3 files: http://passionandsoul.libsyn.com/ PassionAndSoul Audio Page: http://passionandsoul.com/audio E…

MP3 audio (27MB, 30min)

Podcast RSS

iTunes subscribe

If you have interesting bookmarks you’d like to share, email them to me at subguide@gmail.com with the subject: Interesting link and I’ll take a look!That’s it for this edition.

–lunaKM

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on August 24, 2014 10:00

Ask lunaKM – Is he Dominant or Domineering?

Luna, I got involved with dominant man, long distance then face to face. I knew him as friend and he guided me into his spanko world. Somehow my experience left me debased and questioning is he dominant or just domineering. He was condescending to me even knowing that I never been spanked. Insisted on bruising till I was blue and black, didn’t really care if my needs were met sexually, played hard after having more than 5 drinks. Looks like he had no control over himself after drinking also.

Unfortuntely it sounds like you found a domineering asshole this time around. I hope you have moved on from him to find someone worth your time.

Dominance is about having control of yourself and consensual control of someone else. They will care about the person they are with, stay within agreed limits and rarely (I can’t say never) lose control of themselves.

When you are with a Dominant you should feel built up and worthy. It’s supposed to be a positive relationship.

If you are questioning their purpose, being abused and misused then you are not with someone who cares and certainly not a Dominant of any worth.

Take care of yourself, protect yourself and if you really want to enter the spanko world, do so as safely as you can. There are support groups for people that are into different kinks and you can find a listing for your area at FindaMunch.com.

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on August 22, 2014 15:00

Weekend Giveaway: Miss Kitten Slave Collar by Beautifully Bound (1 Winner)

Look at what we have for one lucky winner this week!

Sully Bear and her Sir, owners of Beautifully Bound have graciously donated this Miss Kitten slave collar to one lucky Submissive Guide winner!

Enter now for your chance to win a Miss Kitten slave collar from Beautifully Bound!

Beautifully Bound makes luxury hand made collars and cuffs for submissive women and men. Nothing is mass produced so your set will be original. I can work with your Dom and make something specific for you, your personality and tastes.

All Beautifully Bound products are hand-sewn using only 100% genuine Australian leather. I do not use imitation leather in our custom products. That means, that with proper care, you will be very old and kinky and your BB cuffs will still be in pristine condition. —Beautifully Bound

Make sure to show Beautifully Bound some love and check out their website, Facebook page, and Tumblr.

Would you like to win a handmade cuffs set and hogtie strap? Just click on the graphic below and type in your email address. This giveaway ends Sunday August 24th, at 11:59 pm, CST. One winner will be chosen and posted on Tuesday.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on August 21, 2014 10:00

Ask lunaKM – I Need More Rules, But I Don’t Know What to Suggest

I told my Dom I needed more to do, as far rules, responsibilities etc.. what are some good things for me to do?? We both work full-time but I need routine..any suggestions? He’s asking me to give Him examples and I have nothing.. thank you!! –Lovenvrdies

Dear Lovenvrdies,

Are you sure you need him to give you more rules and responsibilities or is it that you feel something else missing and are trying to fill it in with routine? I ask because it is often the case that when a submissives asks for more rules, structure, routine or responsibility that they always have something in mind that is lacking that they want to fill. More often than not that is a sense of submission, a loss of mindset or a feeling of connection with their Dominant. So, developing rules and routine to help feed that is natural. But it doesn’t always provide that connection. Figuring out the base need and discussing it helps far more than filling it with tasks.

It’s also not just the Dominant’s responsibility. You too can come up with routine and ritual to help you feel connected to your submission. Let’s take something simple for example. You come home from work and feel tired, but want to reconnect with your submission so that you can serve your Dominant that evening. But you don’t know what to do to do that. Try a coming home ritual. This can be changing clothes, taking a shower, putting on something that they like, or maybe changing your collar, if possible to one that is private vs the everyday one. Or you could have a phrase or mantra that you say while you make your afternoon coffee that reaffirms who you are to your Dominant. These suggestions do not need your Dominant to give them, or manage them or even be a part of them. They are for your own submissive purpose.

Rules are also desirable when you find you have a bad habit or negative trait that you’d like to work on. Having the Dominant establish limits and rules on that can help you focus on what you’d like to change. You can come up with an action plan for correcting the bad habit and then ask if your Dominant can be an accountability partner for that. It’s still your responsibility to do these things, and then follow-up with him to make sure you are complying.

Reading other submissive’s blogs you can get an idea of what other people have for rules and responsibilities. It’s always an option to select ones from someone else that you like and might work for you and your own situation. There is a decent list of BDSM-related blogs on BDSM Blogs list where you can browse other people’s journals for ideas. Since I do not know your exact situation (what type of relationship you have, if it’s 24/7, how long you’ve been together, what rules you currently have) I can’t give you direct ideas that may apply but I can come up with a few general thoughts on routine and rules that might help you come up with your own ideas.

If you are craving interaction with your Dominant then perhaps you do something for him that he normally does himself. You could offer to remove his shoes when he gets home. You could greet him in some fashion that declares you are ready for serving him. Make something that is normally mundane and turn it into something special.

Select a task that he does everyday that you are there for.
Consider how you can take over or help in this task.
Decide if you can make it special or ritualized in some way to help you with feelings of submission and connection to him.
Ask him about the task and your ideas to change it and see if he’s willing to try it out.

Many of the rules and routine that other submissives have are just enhanced versions of what they already do or don’t do or are working to correct bad habits and undesirable traits. Once you know what you’d like the rules to do you can come up with ones that might work for your situation.

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on August 20, 2014 07:00

Book Review- Unveiled: The Secret Submissive Within

I feel very lucky to have gotten the chance to read Michelle Fegatofi’s book “Unveiled-The Secret Submissive Within”. If the author’s name sounds familiar it’s probably because of her personal blog BDSM Unveiled. She started her blog back in November 2012 and since then has written on a large variety of topics to help those who are new and even not so new in the lifestyle. Like Submissive Guide, the site is full of wonderful information and I have greatly enjoyed her writings.

Like a lot of books, “Unveiled-The Secret Submissive Within” is geared towards beginning submissives and the first few chapters are basic information, what is BDSM, what some of the symbolism means, and some very important aspects of the lifestyle like what the difference between BDSM and abuse and key factors that makes a successful relationship work such as communication, trust, honesty, and respect.

She also has a chapter titled “Am I Submissive?” and I have to admit, I think it is my favorite chapter in the entire book. The reason why I say this is because she covers everything, the feelings and thought process of what goes on when one first experiences those new feelings of submission. She says there will be errors in judgement(been there), bad decisions(done that), and possible harm(have the t-shirt)both mentally and physically that can happen. I love that she put this in there because I have yet to talk to anyone, submissive or slave who hasn’t made some not so bright decisions early on in their journey. Also in this chapter, she talks about the new challenges that arise once you find your dominant because, well, there are many. A favorite line from this chapter: “You will discover that a submissive’s life is filled with questions and doubts followed by moments of crystal clarity of purpose.” So rather fitting and such truth in a single sentence.

In later chapters, she covers a wide variety of topics that include the different types of submissives that are out there, different kind of dominants, desirable and undesirable traits that submissives can have, safety measures, how to set up a meeting with a potential dominant, common rules and protocols for submissives and slaves, different slave positions, as well as a lot of other basic and good information, including how to recharge your submissive batteries and meditation.

As I was reading this book, there were so many passages I ended up highlighting because they really spoke to me and are really good advice and things that any submissive or slave needs to hear. Like I said, even though this book is geared towards novices in the lifestyle, even those who have been around awhile can take a lot of knowledge from the later chapters in the book that discuss body image and the “perfect submissive” myth.

I really did enjoy reading this book. It is a lot of practical information that any beginner needs to know. Michelle expresses everything in a very down to Earth fashion which is always a great way to make a connection and bond with the readers. I do highly recommend to anyone who is new in the lifestyle to check out “Unveiled-The Secret Submissive Within”.

You can purchase your own copy at Amazon or Barns and Noble.

Tequila R’s Rating: 8/10

Paperback: 186 Pages

Publisher: lulu.com(October 19, 2013)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 1304281787

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

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Published on August 19, 2014 07:00