Luna Carruthers's Blog, page 29

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

Hi folks!

Plagued with stress headaches this week has not been fun. Anyone who has experienced extended bouts of financial stress can understand. Things have to get better eventually, right? Right.

Let’s move on to what’s going on here!

Are you a Fan of Submissive Guide? Join the Ranks!
If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a fan of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $1 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. In return you’ll get perks and rewards like discount codes for ebooks, freebies and one on one time with me!Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:
This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

You Are Not Your Collar – Submissive Meditation Monday
Life as a Submissive with Chronic Pain by Mrs Darling
Simply Service e-Zine: April 2005
Register Now for Upcoming Servant’s Retreats in Your Area!

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask Submissive Guide Advice Column

The advice column where we help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

None

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

This Week’s Discussion on Submissive Guide’s FetLife Group

Come join in the discussions on FetLife where you can find other readers and followers of Submissive Guide. Discussions hosted by MRs. Darling and myself.

None

Join the FetLife group for more support and conversation.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2015: Cyber Realities by Mistress Steel
In 2014: Guide to Your First Munch eBook Now Has an Affiliate Program! Sign Up Now!
In 2013: Ask lunaKM – Dealing with Stress in a Relationship
In 2012: Fantastic Submissive Videos for Learning and Growth on Kink Academy
In 2011: Establishing a Safe, Trusting Environment for Talk

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

“The longest journey is the journey inwards. Of him who has chosen his destiny, Who has started upon his quest for the source of his being.” -Dag Hammarskjold
What is a recent addition to your training? How did it come about? Are you adjusting well?
Power is like being a lady. . . if you have to tell people you are, you aren’t. — Margaret Thatcher
What aspect of your life has been hardest to surrender? Why?
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!

Featured Podcast of the Week – Graydancer’s Ropecast

Interview with Fynch Ers

30 Apr 2016, 1:00pm GMT

→ Graydancer’s Ropecast

Fynch Ers is the organizer of CampingWithRope 1,2 and 3, the partner of Ka, and an excellent rigger and bottom which means she has OPINIONS. And some of those went K&P recently as she talked about how she feels about negotiating with Tops – LINK. This podcast is made possible by KarmaRope.com ! You should let them know you appreciate their support of this podcast by buying their stuff, or applying for one of their rope education grants. You can also support the podcast directly by signing up to be a patron at http://patreon.com/ropecast .

MP3 audio (40MB, 43min)

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Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on May 01, 2016 10:00

Register Now for Upcoming Servant’s Retreats in Your Area!

SERVANT’S RETREAT

May 27 – 29, 2016 • Richmond, VA

Nov 4 – 6, 2016 • Bremerton/Seattle, WA

Dec 2 – 4, 2016 • Fairfield/Cincinnati, OH

14 years of fortifying great service… Servant’s Retreat has stood the test of time.

Share the experience of 4000+ submissives, slaves, bottom and servants.

Intensive weekend for bottoms, submissives, servants, slaves, and kinksters to examine many of the real life issues of service, self, their past and present and how that contributes positively and negatively to service and themselves. You do not need to be in a relationship to attend. Interactive, worksheet based seminars.

From the feedback from SR participants:

“…used to expecting conventional class style and it was so much more directive, intimate, and focused. There isn’t anything else like this. If you already have it together, do yourself the favor. I wish I’d taken it years ago.”

“It was far more than I imagined- so much to digest and to consider how to apply in my life and D/s relationship…I will have to reflect deeply on all of the exercises, sessions, and what I have written.”

“It made me think and has given me several things to work on and to continue thinking about. I have received some good tools for my slave toolkit.”

“Hard- not harsh- but hard to face the acknowledgement of so many of my “barriers” to service are my own creation and perpetuation. I feel like I did gain: 1) insight I did not have; 2) learned truths about myself I had not stopped to consider; and 3) was given tools or paths of possibilities to take away and apply.”

“All of the sessions were incredibly helpful and all were absolutely necessary. Everything was so wonderfully integrated- one part easily flowed into the other and was so thoroughly researched and well thought out. If you want an education—this is it.”

We’re adults, tackling adult topics and all want to create more personal satisfaction in our worlds. SR is a place to build a reality where you’re secure, safe, and can deliver the best you in service and in life.

Take home additions to your tool box that SR may add or the experience of immersive discovery!

To reserve your spot for Servant’s Retreat, you will need to prepay. RSVP early due to extreme group size limitations.

Please go to BDSMClasses.com for a glance at the schedule, registration forms, and fees.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on April 28, 2016 07:00

Simply Service e-Zine: April 2005

Today I bring you another Simply Service newsletter. If you have enjoyed the series up to now, you’ll want to read this one!

From the newsletter’s description;

Current contributors are all slave or submissive identified, and in real time relationships where obedience and service are necessary, valued skills, achieved over time. I have been fortunate enough to meet these lovely people all over the country, and have delighted in great conversations, where we sometimes agree, and sometimes disagree, but are bound by a mutual respect of each other’s choices. Occasionally, words from the “other side” might be included as well, as many perspectives will be represented.

Enjoy this April edition of Simply Service, produced by Bootpig all the way back in 2005.

April 2005

Download Now!

slave a is back with an introspective look at Presumption in Service
From the Editor
The Art of the Interview: Adding members to a household by Linda “Bootpig” Hall
Mental Orgasm: The Phenomenon of Brain Sex A Personal Journey by Lady Wyllo
The Write Stuff: Written Communication in Service by morgana
Hooked on being needed by slave jean

Related Posts:
Simply Service e-Zine: March 2005
When Mommy/slave is Ill…
Love in a D/s Relationship
What is Protocol?
High Tea, Japanese Tea Ceremony and Formal Dining

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on April 27, 2016 07:00

Life as a Submissive with Chronic Pain

It’s official. I am just past six months of living with chronic pain and no end in sight. It’s still new to me but somehow, also, it’s now me. It is a part of me that I have had to adjust to, just like once upon a time I had to adjust from a vanilla world to a kinky one. I am changing and growing but still the same ol’ s-type who loves homemaking and serving.

Here are some things about living life in beautiful, fulfilling power exchange alongside a big helping of constant pain:

Living with chronic pain is like hanging out in Vegas. The pain is the house and it seems to always win. Even on the good days, when you are rolling big and feelin’ pretty fine, you are aware of the fact that right around the corner you are set up to lose. It’s out of your control and even if you do everything in your power to up your odds, you are still more likely to come out on the losing end.

And on that, what the fuck kind of nerve does pain have in telling you anything? You have a Master to serve, to tell you when to stand and kneel and sit and fuck and laugh and cry. The nerve trying to take control of you with out your consent!

I have re-learned masochism. See, I used to bottom to my sadist from a place of submission. The giving of pain got him hard, and serving that need got my panties wet. We had it figured out. But now? I love the pain; look forward to the pain. Why the change?

Any chosen pain that takes my mind off of the chronic pain gets me hot now.

I asked for it. My Master controlled it. It’s our pain. Ours.

I no longer have a pain scale from 1-10 like they ask you in the hospital. The best I can hope for on a given day is a 3 or 4. I love those 3 days now.

We have had some of our oldest and favorite protocols and rituals blown to pieces.

The hottest tears I have ever shed are those in the painful embarrassment of so desperately wanting to serve my Partner in the way that feels like home and instead finding nothingness. No, not nothingness. Finding the shame that is him being the one to take care of me all of a sudden. Of having to ask for help undressing and buckling myself in the car when I am the one who is supposed to be serving him, dammit.

I want to kneel. I want to cook and clean and scrub baseboards (ah, god, what I wouldn’t give to give a proper scrub to my baseboards right now) and do the shit that makes me me.

Friends, loved ones, ask how I am doing and I have to decide: lie to the ones who treasure honesty above all, or tell the truth and hear caring advice and empathy that is so well meaning but still crushes me inside. I am meant to tend to others, not the reverse.

Every day I wake up and sling my choices upon a balancing scale of “justice.” I have to weigh my pain tolerance against the risk of pain medicine tolerance/addiction. I am a recovering addict living in the world of free flowing pills and each and every goddamn day I have to have the strength of self to say, “Nah, not today…” and limp away in pain.

But…

Living in Power Exchange with chronic pain is like hanging out in Vegas… with your very best friend. When the chips slide our way, do we ever celebrate together. And when the house wins as predicted? We hole up in our suite with some room service and TV and wallow together. I have somebody to ride the high with and somebody who picks me up when I am down. How much luckier could I be?

We are learning to listen to our bodies more now, pay attention to our health as we age.

I think Master loves having a masochist in his training finally.

I have learned the most amazing coping skills. We have altered our protocols and created new ones, ones that celebrate the spiritual and emotional side of our relationship instead of the physical, quite possibly for the first time ever. It’s sexy and new and refreshing.

Did you know that you can achieve the same sense of peace sitting on the edge of the bed and grasping a Dominants mid-section that you get when kneeling and clutching their legs?

It’s about the intention, not the action.

I never knew how much deeper I could love a Man until he had to physically lift my legs into bed and tuck me in. Power… exchange… I got his back. He’s got mine. That IS what it is we do.

I do kneel sometimes. It still feels like coming home and I relish every shot at it.

I don’t miss carrying the heavy laundry basket back and forth.

Lots of people inquiring means lots of people loving me.

Every time I fight through the pain I get a little bit stronger. A little tougher.

I probably needed a lil toughening up, honestly.

See, living with chronic pain in a chronically kinky home is more about the outlook than anything. There is no misfortune in our home. Only opportunities for creativity.

And on the bad days? The worst days?

Well, that’s when we just need each other. And the fact that we have that, well, makes living through all the pain worthwhile.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on April 26, 2016 07:00

You Are Not Your Collar – Submissive Meditation Monday

I’m devoting this Monday to meditation, reflection and devotion to submission. I hope to select topics that will get you thinking differently about some part of your life or submission and then just maybe grow a little bit further. If you have ideas for topics that might work for a Meditation Monday, please email me.

Don’t lose yourself once you are collared. Oftentimes, the identity of the submissive, your identity, can be lost when the relationship becomes a committed one. It’s something I know I’ve experienced and even embraced for a time. I loved being known only as KnyghtMare’s submissive. No one got to know who I was or what I was like because I was collared and essentially untouchable.

People on forums and other social networks push to say your behavior reflects on the dominant. Which, in some respect it does, but that again removes your personal identity. Your behavior reflects on you too. Take ownership for it. This also applies to your dependence on your Dominant. It’s great to need someone, but never at the expense of your own existence. For example, if your Dominant has to be away for a few days, you aren’t lost. You are not only for your Dominant’s use. You are valuable and capable of taking care of yourself in your Dominant’s absence. If you can’t think of what to do to keep yourself busy and only dwell on your Dominant’s absence then perhaps you’ve allowed yourself to become your collar and not the person who wears it.

Some submissives lose themselves in the service they provide. But you don’t have to. Knowing who you are without a dominant can be a powerful tool to understanding your submissive path and what direction to go in. So make sure that your collar does not define you. You are not your collar.

As a submissive, you work to be the perfect person for your partner, but you also need to remember to be your own authentic self.

Take some time today to reflect on what makes you, you. Embrace your uniqueness outside the collar you wear.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on April 25, 2016 07:00

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

Hi folks!

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers for Maximus last week. He’s on the rebound and proving to me that he’s going to stick around a bit longer. I am relieved.

I think I’ve written before how I’ve turned my productivity up by deploying a Bullet Journal system. It’s made my life organized and for once in a very long time I feel like I’m getting things done! I also have a terrible memory so I’m constantly jotting notes down, and now I can put them all in one place which has been super helpful. Each week I’m tweaking and changing how things look and work so one day I’ll find that perfect set up. I’m considering sharing the evolution of my use of the system for my slave and work life. If you are interested, chime in the comments and I’ll see about sharing with you what I have so far!

Let’s move on to what’s going on here!

Are you a Fan of Submissive Guide? Join the Ranks!
If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a fan of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $1 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. In return you’ll get perks and rewards like discount codes for ebooks, freebies and one on one time with me!Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:
This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

Learning Your Way Around the Kitchen-Copycat Ikea Meatballs
Recognizing Sub Rebound (Sub Drop) by Mistress Steel

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask Submissive Guide Advice Column

The advice column where we help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

A Grieving Dominant and a Submissive’s Needs

My Dom/Master/Daddy of many years has recently suffered a loss of a child. We are both (or so I thought) into this dynamic for the long haul. He recently has become more distant and I have tried talking to him and told him what I need to keep me happy. I don’t hear back from him yet I send him things I know will make him smile and I get a “nice” or whatnot.. am I expecting too much too soon..His response to me comes a few days later not the same night as before. He lost his child last year. I miss him. Do I force myself and state what I need and want. I just feel like I am being punished, and that is something he has NEVER done before. Am I overreacting?

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

This Week’s Discussion on Submissive Guide’s FetLife Group

Come join in the discussions on FetLife where you can find other readers and followers of Submissive Guide. Discussions hosted by MRs. Darling and myself.

Dealing With The Bad Days

What are your go to cures for the bad days? When you’re sick, or exhausted, or stressed? Does your dynamic change? Do you move to a higher protocol? Lower protocol? Do you ever get a day “off?”

Join the FetLife group for more support and conversation.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2015: [Free Download] Submissive Starter Kit from Submissive Playground
In 2014: When Kids Find Your Sex Toys by kaya
In 2013: Ask lunaKM – I Need to Learn to Swear to Please My Dominant
In 2012: Submissive Speech 10: Speaking with Service Persons
In 2011: How a Cup of Coffee Centers Me

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

“I want to put myself absolutely at your mercy for good or evil without any condition, without any limit to your power.” – Leopold von Sacher-Masoch
Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me. So slam me up and throw me down and show me that you like me! — Unknown
How do you view ‘fear’?
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!

Featured Podcast of the Week – The People of Kink

TPOK Minicast 59 – Safe Space

20 Apr 2016, 5:00am GMT

→ The People of Kink

We all require Safe Space. We need it to gather and to play. We need it to be able to express who we are and to be able to communicate with each other. Everywhere we go and play that is organized is really just an area that is safe. It might be a munch, a party or even a camping event but what is really being given to us is a Safe Space. Without it we couldn’t what we do and interact together.

MP3 audio (16MB, 18min)

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Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on April 24, 2016 10:00

Recognizing Sub Rebound (Sub Drop)

This is a guest post by Mistress Steel. It was part of her Steel’s Chamber Scrolls which is now defunct. Shared with Permission.

Submissive Rebound is a reaction that occurs in most submissives at some point in their relationship with a Dominant. It manifests in feelings of depression, heightened anxiety and a sensation of ‘distance’ between the submissive and the Dominant. Submissive Rebound is often called sub-drop.

Submissives often focus a high level of energy and attention on every nuance of the interaction between themselves and their Dominant. This focus can be so strong that the submissives perceptions of external reality will blur. Some submissives ‘feel’ that they pour themselves so deeply into a Dominant that to some extent they ‘become’ part of the Dominant. An extension of their presence. When that presence is withdrawn the submissive can begin to manifest strong symptoms of withdrawal. This withdrawal can be complicated by other divisive feelings and emotions.

Some submissives believe that their actions, feelings and desires are ‘sinful’ or in direct opposition to the moral or religious code under which they were raised. They may believe that being submissive is a failure of something inside of themselves. They may believe that their joy in being submissive deserves to be punished in some obscure way. A submissive cannot truthfully divorce their past or their upbringing. At best they process the conflicting opinions or beliefs and find ways to manage or reconcile those opinions with what they personally believe to be their truth. The process of reconciliation and self acceptance often takes many years before the submissive is at peace with who and what they are. That process requires the setting aside of long held beliefs and the integration of new ways of thinking and living. It is not a process that can be rushed or assumed in a matter of weeks or months.

An intense scene or interaction with their Dominant will often expose the submissive emotionally. They will know that they have revealed their ‘sinful’ nature and desires not only to the Dominant but especially to themselves. In addition many submissives experience various levels of space or reality detachment when in the presence of their Dominant. This detachment acts to insulate the submissive from the acts or actions which they are engaged in during the scene itself. When that layer of protection is removed, the submissive must reconcile their actions in the bald glare of realities unflinching light. As the blood chemistries produced during scene fade the physical and emotional ‘highs’ plunge, the mental and emotional freedoms seem to vanish and the submissive returns to their balancing act between the socially acceptable vanilla world that they must live and work in and their involvement in this reprehensible new lifestyle.

If the Dominant has ‘extended’ or ‘stretched’ the submissives physical or mental limits during the scene, the submissive ‘may’ feel a sense of violation during this rebound period. Crossing thresholds exposes new information to the submissive, sometimes this can include childhood memories or experiences that were abusive, frightening or painful. The submissive may feel sensations of intense anger at their Dominant especially if the Dominant is not physically available for extensive aftercare during rebound. The submissive may want to cling to the Dominant, return to that safe place within their presence and in the same exact moment want to punish the Dominant for taking them into this internal place of personal vulnerability.

The emotional highs and lows will wash through the submissive in waves. Generally these sensations are the most intense when the submissive bottoms out or at that point when the blood chemistries drop to below the normal level. This often is within 48 hours of scene. The submissives sensations of loneliness, abandonment or being discarded by the Dominant will be at their peak. They may view the Dominants absence as a reflection of that Dominants ‘true’ opinion of them, their sinful actions, their real worth or value. It is common for many submissives to mentally and physically punish themselves during this bottoming out period. They sometimes convince themselves that it is ‘better’ for their Dominant if they aren’t around. They may take actions which they know will disappoint, inflame or anger their Dominant. All for the ‘good’ of their Dominant. They will ‘decide’ that their Dominant will be better off without them.

These are just some of the things that are part of submissive rebound. It is important for a Dominant to recognize the personal triggers unique to their own submissive and pre-guess the onset of a serious bottoming out. The level of fragility or susceptibility of a submissive to rebound is unique to the individual. The very best way to ease a submissive is to simply be there. If you cannot be physically available for your submissive for extensive aftercare then do not engage in the type of scene which may require that level of aftercare. It is part of a Dominants responsibility to protect the emotional stability of their submissive and not to leave them in a state of intense emotional upheaval. It is equally important for a submissive to prepare themselves for the possibility of bottoming out and to take an active role in creating support systems for themselves should rebound occur.

When a submissive begins to level out these sensations and feelings will subside and diminish. When the blood chemistries rebuild to a ‘normal’ level the submissive will ‘feel’ better. This is where they rebound or come back from bottoming out. Their ability to rationalize will tend to improve markedly often leaving them troubled by their actions. They may feel very confused by the complexities of what has occurred and their response to it. When a submissive reaches this point it is important for them to express their feelings. To allow their energy to flow out and ‘clear’. It is at this time that some submissives see into their own memories with a new clarity. Sharing their experiences and releasing old angers can lead to an even closer bonding to their Dominant along with a deeper understanding of themselves.

Written by F.R.R. Mallory – also known as Mistress Steel. This article may be excerpted from Extreme Space, The Domination and Submission Handbook, Safe, Sane and Consensual, Dangerous Choices or other books by F.R.R. Mallory and shared here with her permission. Please click on the book title for information on how you can order a copy of these books and others by F.R.R. Mallory.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on April 22, 2016 07:00

Who says being on the bottom doesn’t pay? I make $45,000 a year sexting as a sub.

This is a paid advertorial for Arousr.com.

Living off of ramen noodles and waiting tables to (barely) afford rent was the norm for my college experience. Although if you had told me at the time that I could make double what I was earning in a fraction of the time, I would not have believed you. And no, I am not talking about working a street corner. I am referring to something that many kinksters have discovered as a safe, fun, and very flexible way to make money.

Sexting. That’s right; you read correctly.

You can make a fortune doing something you enjoy! Have you ever received a flirty text from your master and it quickly got out of hand? (Excuse the pun). Now, imagine making money doing the very same thing. Sounds exciting doesn’t it? Pleasing your master (and others) and being paid to do it like the naughty sub you know you are? Just thinking about that makes me smile and sends chills down my back.

Sexting has exploded over the past ten years, and the numbers are only rising. In the ever increasing technological era we live in, it is ridiculously easy to join in on this exciting and convenient job. If you own a computer or a smartphone, then you already have everything you need to begin making a substantial income.

Depending on how many hours you log, you can easily earn over $500/week working part time as a sub.

Although we do not recommend bragging about these perks to your grandmother at a family reunion, there are tons of reasons why phone sex can be a reliable source of income.

First, your identity remains safe, so there are no fears of your clients showing up at your doorstep ready for some personal hip action. Of course, picking a trustworthy company like Arousr.com is crucial in this step. Second, this job offers you a chance to explore your fetishes on a whole new level. A definite perk on the relationship side.

If you are concerned that you might need a little help getting comfortable with dirty talk, there is plenty of support out there from sub “trainers” who are dying to show you how.

The best part about getting paid to sext is the flexibility it offers. Instead of being stuck working at a nine to five job with limited time off, you work when you can work from anywhere that has an Internet or wifi connection.

Sexting is the perfect job for anyone who is outgoing, looking to explore their sexuality and seeking a safe way to make a steady income. Forget Snapchat; it is 2016, and sexting officially became the trendy way to make some money and have fun!

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on April 21, 2016 07:00

Ask Submissive Guide: A Grieving Dominant and a Submissive’s Needs

My Dom/Master/Daddy of many years has recently suffered a loss of a child. We are both (or so I thought) into this dynamic for the long haul. He recently has become more distant and I have tried talking to him and told him what I need to keep me happy. I don’t hear back from him yet I send him things I know will make him smile and I get a “nice” or whatnot.. am I expecting too much too soon..His response to me comes a few days later not the same night as before. He lost his child last year. I miss him. Do I force myself and state what I need and want. I just feel like I am being punished, and that is something he has NEVER done before. Am I overreacting?

Sincerely,
I Want My Daddy Back

Dear I Want My Daddy Back,

There are a few things in here that I think need to be addressed.

The fact that your Dominant’s child (regardless of age) has died has to have been a devastating blow to him. My heart goes out to him, and I cannot imagine his loss. Regardless of when it happened, he needs as much time as possible to grieve and come to terms with his new reality. In the meantime, he may not feel very Dominant or may not feel connected to that part of who he is with you. What he may need most is not to dominate you or be your Daddy but to be supported in his time of need.

When my own Southern Sir’s sister died last year, it was a long time before he was back to his Daddy Dom self, and we live together. So if you’re separated by any distance, it’s going to be even harder for him to find his new normal and decide if he has the energy to continue your relationship.

You say you’ve talked to him and told him what you need to be happy. If he’s not providing what he (recently) said he would, that’s always worth a second conversation. On the other hand, my first question is to wonder if you asked him what he needs. Submission isn’t all about getting what we need from our Dominant. It’s also about serving in some capacity. He may not be able to give you what you need right now, and what he may need most of all is support and encouragement.

Are you expecting too much or overreacting? I really can’t say. If he has said he will continue doing certain things as part of your D/s dynamic and then doesn’t follow through, I don’t think you’re overreacting. If he makes promises he won’t (or can’t) keep, you have every right to be concerned about the nature of your relationship.

But depending on the level of his grief and how he’s handling other parts of his life (is he having problems with work, his health, or the rest of his life since the death of child?), you may be expecting too much from him. If he’s bounced back in every other part of his life except for your relationship, then you certainly have cause for concern, but otherwise, this may be entirely about his grief.

It’s always a good idea to talk about how you feel, but I would caution you to choose the right time, pick your words with care, and make sure to ask how you can help him. It may be that he needs something different from you right now than you’ve had to do before. Only you can decide if you want to give him what he needs as he deals with his grief.

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on April 20, 2016 07:00

Learning Your Way Around the Kitchen-Copycat Ikea Meatballs

When I lived in the US, I heard of this magical store, Ikea. Not only did it have all kinds of home furnishings and accessories, but it also had a restaurant where you could eat Swedish meatballs. Unfortunately, I didn’t live anywhere near a store, so I never got the chance to visit one. Fast forward, and I end up in Germany. I don’t remember where we were going, but Daddy and I were on the train and I was happily babbling, then all of a sudden, I saw it. I saw a rectangular blue sign with yellow letters. I stopped mid sentence and in a not so inside voice squealed “LOOK DADDY THERE’S AN IKEA! BAMBI CAN HAVE MEATBALLS!”. At this time I had gotten everyone’s attention because well, they’re trying to figure out why the world I’m so excited over the local Ikea. Daddy promises me that we will go to Ikea and eat meatballs. Not that moment like I was ready to do, but soon. So I calm myself down and the waiting begins. Then one day, we get on the bus. Daddy doesn’t tell me where we’re going. I’m looking around and not seeing anything familiar, until I see the sign. Sweet Swedish meatballs at last! I don’t think the employees in the restraunt ever saw someone so happy to be getting a plate of meatballs and french fries. I enjoyed the heck out of those meatballs. I still do. I get excited whenever Daddy mentions going to Ikea for dinner(plus the restaurant is right next to the kids’ section, so it’s a total win for me), but to get my meatball fix in between Ikea visits, I found this recipe and it is fantastic if you have a hankering for some Swedish meatballs and don’t have an Ikea nearby.

Ingredients

For the meatballs:

1 cup breadcrumbs

2 tablespoons unsalted butter

1/3 cup minced white onion

2 cloves garlic, minced

1/4 teaspoon ground allspice

Kosher salt and freshly ground white pepper

1/2 cup milk

1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce

3/4 pound lean ground beef

1/2 pound lean ground pork

1 large egg plus 1 egg white, beaten

Vegetable oil, for brushing

For the gravy:

2 tablespoons unsalted butter

2 tablespoons all-purpose flour

1 1/2 cups low-sodium beef broth

1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce

1/4 cup heavy cream

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley (optional)

Directions: Make the meatballs: Put the breadcrumbs in a large bowl. Heat the butter in a skillet over medium heat. Add the onion, garlic, allspice, 2 teaspoons salt and 1/4 teaspoon white pepper and cook, stirring, until soft, about 5 minutes. Add the milk and Worcestershire sauce and bring to a simmer. Pour the milk mixture over the breadcrumbs and stir to make a thick paste; let cool. Add the beef, pork, egg and egg white to the bowl and mix until combined.

Brush a baking sheet with vegetable oil. Roll the meat into 1-inch balls and arrange on the prepared baking sheet. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate at least 1 hour.

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Bake the meatballs until cooked through, about 20 minutes.

Make the gravy: Melt the butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the flour and cook, whisking, until smooth. Whisk in the beef broth and Worcestershire sauce and bring to a simmer. Add the cream and meatballs. Reduce the heat to medium low and simmer until the gravy thickens, about 10 minutes. Season with salt and black pepper. Transfer to a serving dish; sprinkle with the parsley and serve with lingonberry jam, if desired.

I personally always double the sauce because Daddy always likes a lot of sauce. I’m not gonna lie, I do too. And as for the seasonings, I do my own thing. I usually use paprika, rosemary, and a little pepper. Don’t be afraid to experiment with the recipe, that’s half the fun of cooking!

You can find the recipie here at FoodNetwork.com

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on April 19, 2016 07:00