Luna Carruthers's Blog, page 26

Review: Black Titanium Wrist Cuff by Eternity Collars

24/7 slave wear is definitely something people are always asking me if I have suggestions or opinions. It’s probably because I’ve worn a stainless steel collar for over 7 years and I must have a lot of opinion. Perhaps. Last month I reviewed a steel rope collar from Eternity Collars and today I’m going to bring you a review of their Black Titanium Wrist Cuff. They gave me two to review so I could wear them on both of my wrists. I have to say that I love these, love love love ‘em. I got several compliments on my “bangles” when I was out and about. I’ve worn them non-stop since I got them in April. If you are looking for a collar alternative, perhaps these might suit you!

What Is It?

Click for Full Size

The Black Wrist Cuff comes in regular steel or lighter Titanium. The site says that their original collection, may contain a small amount of nickel. If that is a concern, their Titanium collection, is 100% hypoallergenic, allergy-free and will not react to sunlight, salt water, sweat or body oils. The black coating makes the cuff look so lovely and unique and disguises the fact it is metal. The wrist cuff is oval shaped so it’s definitely more comfortable when resting your hands on a table, for example. The cuff is fastened with a small screw and I liked the detail that the screw included was also black coated, however the spares that came with it are silver.

Thoughts

I’m really enjoying the cuffs. The polish on the black titanium really does make it look like fancy bangles instead of locked on cuffs and I’ve not had a single question about them. They do knock on the desk, table, drawer, door, anywhere pretty loudly so I’m learning to not clunk my hands down too hard.

Some of the coating is wearing on the hinge, probably from the bumping and rubbing on the desk as I’m writing. It’s not bad and I kinda like the wear on it.

Packaging

The shipment was in a plain brown box but inside the products were packaged beautiful black tray-style boxes; the lid folds over the top of a tray and then has a light magnetic closure with the Eternity Collars logo laminated on top. Inside the box, the collar was inside its own faux velvet pouch. I was very impressed with the packaging. It would be easy to wrap the boxes if this was going to be a gift and it feels classy and understated.

Where to Get It

This black cuff is only available online at EternityCollars.com starting at $80.00. Most orders ship within 24 to 48 hours (business days). They offer a 365 day return policy if one of their products is uncomfortable or irritates your skin. You can return it for a full refund.

Pros
Discreet
Highly durable
24/7 wearable
Attractive black coating
Lightweight Titanium (also available in Stainless Steel)
Wide variety of sizes available
Oval shape
Fast shipping

Cons
Spare screws are not black
Hex screwdriver handle is slippery
Black coating chips and fades over time

I definitely feel like this is a great alternative to a collar worn around the neck and is very discreet. You don’t have to wear one on each wrist. Check it out for yourself!

This product was given to me by Eternity Collars, free of charge, in exchange for an honest review.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on June 13, 2016 07:00

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

Hi folks!

We’ve started putting in applications for apartments since we need to move shortly. It’s a process that leaves me feeling anxious as we wait to hear back from property managers. With our financial struggles it doesn’t help that we have to find something that fits our new temporary budget and leaves us enough to afford the moving truck. It’s a balancing act that is driving me batty!

The GoFundMe plea for assistance is still going on and I’ll likely keep it open until July 1st. You guys are amazing. As of this post I’ve raised $2030. We’ll be back on our feet in no time with your help. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Let’s move on to what’s going on here!

I Need Your Help! Submissive Guide is Ready to Grow, But Can’t Do So With Out Your Support!
If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a fan of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $1 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. In return you’ll get perks and rewards like discount codes for ebooks, freebies and one on one time with me!Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:
This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

You Share, I Share, We All Share! No no no, that’s not right….
Dealing With Submissive Burnout by tequilarose

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask Submissive Guide Advice Column

The advice column where we help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

Ask Submissive Guide: Trying Again

My Dominant and I are trying to get our relationship going in the right direction again. We have been married for 23 years and in an M/s relationship for the past 4 years. In the beginning he read everything and was involved and it was everything I dreamed it would be but things started dropping off about two years ago and came to a skidding halt about 3 months ago. He says he doesn’t like to read and never has, stress at work, stress in general. But he got upset when I stopped doing most of the things that showed my submission like serve him coffee or control over medications. 1. How can I begin to seve him again without feeling like he’ll flounder on me again? 2. How can I get him more interested into learning again if he’s not a big reader?

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

This Week’s Discussion on Submissive Guide’s FetLife Group

Come join in the discussions on FetLife where you can find other readers and followers of Submissive Guide. Discussions hosted by MRs. Darling and myself.

Summertime Submission

So summer is upon us. How does this season impact your submission? What are you looking forward to? Bummed about?

Join the FetLife group for more support and conversation.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2015: Some Misconceptions about the Caregiver/Little Dynamic by tequilarose
In 2014: More Red Flags for Everyone by Miss Jessica
In 2013: Ask lunaKM – Influx of Bossy Newbies Killing Old School Traditions
In 2012: Service: There’s an App for that! by nan{SL}
In 2011: Using Your Fear for Better Submissive Growth by mi_vida

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

Have you discussed the possibility of death, long term disability or illness with the person you serve? How have you addressed potential issues those situations may cause?
Do you beg? How do you feel when you do?
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!

Featured Podcast of the Week – Erotic Awakening

EA398 – When Slaves Leave

10 Jun 2016, 10:47am GMT

→ Erotic Awakening Podcast

This week on the Erotic Awakening Podcast, Dan interviews bat, his former slave, and they talk about they she left. PLUS Dan & dawn talk about how to know when polyamory situations come up if you are being supportive?or taken advantage of! PlUS so many tentacle links? Tags? Oh yea we got tags #polyamory #slavegoesfree #powerexchange Erotic Awakening is supported in part by KJ Canes! Check them out and use DND16 to get 10% off your order! click here and shop! Don’t miss an episode! Click here to subscribe via iTunes or here for any other method Part of the Erotic Awakening Podcast Network Click the banner above for other great shows spanning the realm of BDSM, Sacred Sexuality, Tantra, a…

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Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on June 12, 2016 10:00

Ask Submissive Guide: Trying Again

Hi Submissive Guide

My Dominant and I are trying to get our relationship going in the right direction again. We have been married for 23 years and in an M/s relationship for the past 4 years. In the beginning he read everything and was involved and it was everything I dreamed it would be but things started dropping off about two years ago and came to a skidding halt about 3 months ago. He says he doesn’t like to read and never has, stress at work, stress in general. But he got upset when I stopped doing most of the things that showed my submission like serve him coffee or control over medications. 1. How can I begin to seve him again without feeling like he’ll flounder on me again? 2. How can I get him more interested into learning again if he’s not a big reader?

Thank you
Trying again

Hi there, Trying Again!

It’s hard to tell you exactly what to do, because everyone is unique and every relationships has its own hurdles to manage, but hopefully I can give you some advice to help you find the right path for your relationship.

My first question would be to look at what, if anything, has been going on in your life over the past few months and years that might add stress to your Dominant’s life. Both Dominants and submissives have responsibilities within the relationship, and Dominants carry the burden of controlling, caring for, leading, and/or nurturing their submissive. When outside life interferes – illness, stress at work, problems with family members – those additional responsibilities can feel like a burden.

Next, your first question sounds like a trust issue. You want to serve but you’re afraid he’ll let you down. The only thing that can rebuild trust is time and effort. If he’s still interested in the lifestyle, maybe you simply need to take things slow. It’s possible that your M/s dynamic no longer works and you may need to explore different options that work for you both. Maybe less “Master” and more “Sir” or something like it.

Another suggestion is for you to be his submissive even if he’s not actively leading. Ask yourself this question – do you still want to serve him? Is it part of your nature or do you prefer to do it only as part of your D/s relationship? There’s no right or wrong answer, but it may help you decide how to proceed. It is entirely possible that if you continue to serve and submit in different ways, you may help him feel more Dominant which makes the act of dominating much easier. And if serving your partner fills a need within you, you’ll help yourself as well. If the problem is outside stressors making it difficult for your Dominant to lead your relationship, by continuing to serve him, you may help him remember what your dynamic feels like.

Is it possible that you’ve both fallen into a rut of doing the same things in the same way over the past few years? Now may be a good time to try new things and find the old excitement you had in the beginning.

Let me play devil’s advocate for a moment…

If he expects you to do everything you’re supposed to as his submissive and refuses to do any of the things he agreed to do as your Dominant, there could be a problem. While I advocate for continuing to do your tasks for as long as possible, the moment he stops behaving as your Dominant, you have every right to question what’s going on. While we shouldn’t serve only in expectation of some reward, you deserve to have a partner who’s willing to keep their end of the agreement. The first step in any situation, but especially this one, is to talk to him about it. Let him know how you feel.

Now, as for how to help him get information without reading it, you’re in luck. There are plenty of options out there.

Podcasts can be listened to in the car, while working out, and anywhere you can get away with having headphones or earbuds on. I produce a podcast called Loving BDSM which focuses on D/s relationships, but there are a ton of other podcasts for kinksters. Check out an archived list here on Submissive Guide of kinky podcasts.

Another option is always video. YouTube has several channels of fellow kinksters sharing their experiences and knowledge. Even here on Submissive Guide, we have videos you can both watch to learn new things or discuss different topics.

It is entirely possible for him to learn new things without having to read it. Check out how you can do the reading and then present it to your Dominant!

The first step is always to talk to each other. Set aside a time when you can focus on each other. Explain how you feel, what you need, and what you want. Give him the opportunity to do the same. If he’s like some Dominants I know, he may be going through something stressful at work or elsewhere and didn’t want to talk about it because he believes, as a Dominant, he should be able to handle it. But if it’s interfering with your dynamic, it may be time that he accepts whatever help you can provide so you can both have a relationship you want and find fulfilling.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on June 08, 2016 07:00

Dealing With Submissive Burnout

There are times where I don’t feel like being a slave. I look around the apartment and see what needs to be done, dishes, laundry, dinner prep, grocery shopping and I think to myself I really don’t wanna do any of it. Daddy will give me errands to run and even though I’m nodding my head yes, inside I’m thinking “Nope, nope. Nope. Definitely don’t wanna do that one”. I still do them because, that whole responsibility thing. Can’t ignore them no matter how much I may want to. Even though I do them, my heart isn’t in them. Which isn’t normal for me because I’m a service whore. I get off on being in service to Daddy. It makes my heart soar whenever Daddy compliments me on a clean apartment, when His eyes light up when He sees that I’ve picked up His current food craving without being asked, and all that stuff. Totally makes it worth it. But there are times where no matter His response, my heart just isn’t in it. When that happens my good friends, that is what is called burnout.

Merriam-Webster defines burnout as “ the condition of someone who has become very physically and emotionally tired after doing a difficult job for a long time”. As much as we s-types do love being submissive and serving, I doubt anyone is going to debate the fact that what we do can be a difficult job and is definitely a long term job.

In my opinion, the feelings associated with burnout are almost as bad as those that are associated with subdrop. Not quite as bad, but it’s still an extremely unpleasant feeling. Even though burnout may be something that’s not talked about a whole lot by s-types, it’s something that happens to every s-type. And I’m sorry, but if any s-type says they’ve never experienced any kind of relationship burnout, they are LYING! Like with everything else, burnout happens in varying degrees, sometimes lasting maybe an hour or two or even weeks and months. There are a lot of things that can cause burnout. Stress, health issues, personal and family problems, problems at work, relationship issues, all of these things can contribute to burnout.

It’s not always easy to realize you’re dealing with burnout. For me anyways, it always slowly creeps up on me. In the beginning, I chalk it up to insomnia or not sleeping well, or after bingeing on junk food or a little too much fast food, weather, or just having an off kilter day. Come on, we all have off kilter days. Then I notice that the feeling is lasting a little longer and a little more (insert word I’m not sure of) and finding myself wanting to tell the laundry to fuck off and do itself, then I know what I’m dealing with for sure.

The good thing, burnout isn’t a permanent problem. Yes, it may feel that way, but it’s not. There are things you can do to help overcome burnout and hopefully shorten your period of suffering.

First things first, you gotta talk to your dominant. You gotta let him or her know what’s going on with you. Yes, they may notice that not everything is okay with you, but they are not mindreaders and can’t figure out on their own that you’re dealing with burnout. You need to let them know that you’re feeling overwhelmed and together the two of you can work something out to help reduce the stress at home or coming up with some kind of ritual that helps you focus and relax.

The second thing, self care. A lot of s-types tend to see self care as being selfish(I was one of those s-types), but if you’re not taking care of yourself, then how can you take care of your dominant and other responsibilities? Self care doesn’t have to be anything extravagant or expensive. A special treat(mine are a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, a trip to Starbucks, or a new book), a bubble bath, taking time doing something you love doing. Being able to relax and recharge your batteries can make the world of difference.

Another thing, learn how to say ‘no’ and setting boundaries. Too many times we take on too many projects and get involved with the local community and groups, and before you know it, you’re involved in more activities than you realize. When you have children, they’re involved in afterschool activities which means you’re also involved in said afterschool activities which quickly adds up. It’s okay to say no, that you can’t make something for this fundraiser or that you can’t make it to someone’s party.

Like I said earlier, I’ve been there. I’ve found myself struggling with burnout and overcoming it. It’s not something that you can overcome once and never have to worry about it again and that’s why it’s important to practice the things I mentioned above on a regular basis. Your mental well-being and submission will thank you for it.

Also, I want to leave you with some links that have some more tips on how to deal with burnout.

10 Ways to Take Care of Ourselves When We’re Suffering from Burnout
The Eight Basic Salves for Burn-Out
Recovering From Burnout
10 Tips: How to Work Through Burnout
Related Posts:
Feeling down after a play session?
Single In The Scene Part VI: Vulnerability
Ask lunaKM – Relationship Stress, Cruising Protocol and Poly Issues
Ask SehAnru | Submission and Health/Joint Problems
Single in the Scene Part I: Boundaries

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on June 07, 2016 07:00

You Share, I Share, We All Share! No no no, that’s not right….

from the Submissive Guide Newsletter 3/5/16

I don’t know about you, but I’m monogamous. I am not shared with anyone else and that suits me just fine. But if you go to any online discussion group you may get an impression that the opposite is true; that sharing your submissive with others in a play setting is the norm. But really, it’s just not as prevalent as you think.

There is this misconception that everyone shares everyone else in play or sex such as a party and that needs to stop. It’s scaring the neighbors. Heck it scares me. This idea has no business growing within the BDSM community and I’m going to voice my dissent right now.

When you attend a play party or dungeon event it may look like a lot of random people are hooking up and people are playing with people other than those they came with but look harder and start asking questions if you are confused. There are couples playing that only play with each other. They are very possessive perhaps, or have no interest in sharing themselves with others. And that’s perfectly acceptable. Are there people there that are polyamorous and have more than one play partner? Polyamory doesn’t mean they just go around playing and getting freaky with just anyone. And they could be bonded to their partners so they don’t play with random people.

I do admit that more casual play happens at a larger play event than a smaller one and that could be where a large majority of people get this idea that everyone is free to play with anyone and everyone. Or just because of the sheer number of people there it could look like a free for all. I myself have seen it happen. There are play bunnies (people who bounce from one partner to another to get as much play in as possible at an event) just as much as there are tops willing to play with as many as they can. These people are usually more obvious, less inhibited and definitely clearly free to explore with whomever they wish.

But I’m a part of a couple and as a couple, I am not anyone else’s playmate. I attend play parties to play with my partner only. It may be to experience a piece of equipment that we’ve never used before or to mingle in the atmosphere that public play tends to bring out. But share we do not.

Another reason that it may feel like people just get passed around for play is that we encourage novices just to try it, go for it, head to a party and ask for it. Is that really right? In some situations it could be, but for others it could confuse someone even more. Play isn’t just casual for many. It has a huge element of intimacy and closeness, trust and vulnerability that for many, myself included, just can’t happen in the span of a 10 minute negotiation. So, what do I have to say to novices who want to know what a certain play activity is like? Find out your connection to kink and relationships first. If you feel you can play without needing a connection, then give it a go. If you consider play to be intimate and you don’t want to do intimate things in public, then don’t go play at a party. Save it for a private moment with a partner that you trust and have a connection with. Sure it will take you a bit longer, but it will be well worth the wait.

Ultimately this is one of those things that you need to build your own personal opinion about and not listen to everyone chiming in with the opposite. Sure it’s an easy thing to push people to just go for it and try it and then have a relationship later, but if they aren’t wired that way it comes off as the only accepted way and the new person has to somehow ignore their own preferences.

Don’t ignore your preferences. If you prefer to explore only in a committed, monogamous relationship then seek that. You don’t have to be shared with others unless you agree to it and playing at parties is also optional. You can be a great submissive without ever having played with someone who isn’t your committed partner.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on June 06, 2016 07:00

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

Hi folks!

Saturday was KnyghtMare’s and my 5 year wedding anniversary. I made a nice pork tenderloin and we had a “Netflix and chill” sort of night. Next week we are looking at a few apartments to try and find one before our lease ends here and one that will work with our current situation. We’ll have to make some difficult decisions and probably downgrade to something not as nice, smaller perhaps and just work with it until we can recover financially and be more stable again.

The GoFundMe plea for assistance is still going on and I’ll likely keep it open until July 1st. You guys are amazing. As of this post I’ve raised $1750. We’ll be back on our feet in no time with your help. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Let’s move on to what’s going on here!

I Need Your Help! Submissive Guide is Ready to Grow, But Can’t Do So With Out Your Support!
If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a fan of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $1 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. In return you’ll get perks and rewards like discount codes for ebooks, freebies and one on one time with me!Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:
This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

The Art of Apology: Knowing When to Apologize by kallista
Book Review: Darling Discovered by Mrs. Darling
[Infographic] Bondage for Beginners

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask Submissive Guide Advice Column

The advice column where we help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

Ask Submissive Guide: He Wants Me to Send Money as a Sign of Commitment

I have met someone online and he has asked me to be his submissive. After much talk etc… I agreed he then asked for money as a gift to show commitment to him and to show I was serious about this ? This has made me wary I have done everything else he has asked and we have spoken both sexual and in general. I also asked for safe words and he said he’s never needed them before. Should I be wary and back off?

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

This Week’s Discussion on Submissive Guide’s FetLife Group

Come join in the discussions on FetLife where you can find other readers and followers of Submissive Guide. Discussions hosted by MRs. Darling and myself.

How did this all get started for you?

How did this all get started for you? Have you always known you are submissive? Did it start in the bedroom for you or were you seeking to give up control everywhere? Was it a particular person or event in your life that sparked your interest in BDSM?

Join the FetLife group for more support and conversation.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2015: Two Bodies Revolving Around a Core: The Slow Dance of a BDSM Long-Distance Relationship by Vikki Heaven
In 2014: Ask lunaKM – Best Books for a Novice Submissive
In 2013: Ask lunaKM – Poly & Territorial Response
In 2012: What is Protocol?
In 2011: Let’s Be Selfish – Recharging The Submissive Battery by Sephani Paige

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

What has been your greatest personal victory in your life? What has been your greatest disappointment in your life?
What is your favorite scene from a book or movie that evoked a sense of your slavery?
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!

Featured Podcast of the Week – People of Kink

TPOK Minicast 65 – Just for the love of it

1 Jun 2016, 5:00am GMT

→ The People of Kink

We talk this week about doing kink and things in your life purely for the love of it. Find what you love in kink and do that thing so that it fills your soul. Don’t do things because that’s what is popular or that’s what the majority says you should. Do your kink because it is simply the thing that makes you happy. If the people around you are not happy with your kink then find some people that are for you. On the flip side of all this is that we should not pressure people do our kinks or go to the same events that we go to because that’s what we love. Tell them about it and let them find their joy and love for whatever it is that fills that void in their kink and life.

MP3 audio (16MB, 17min)

Podcast RSS

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Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on June 05, 2016 10:00

[Infographic] Bondage for Beginners

from Carvaka Sex Toys (https://carvakasextoys.co.uk/)

Today I’m sharing with you a lovely inforgraphic (huge image with knowledge) for Bondage Beginners. I especially like the music suggestions! Feel free to download and save or share this graphic where ever you’d like as long as you link to the producer of the graphic, Carvaka Sex Toys (https://carvakasextoys.co.uk/).

from Carvaka Sex Toys (https://carvakasextoys.co.uk/)

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on June 03, 2016 07:00

Book Review: Darling Discovered by Mrs. Darling

Many of you have been asking me for more stories of real submissives and slaves, from how they found their Dominant to how their life is right now. Well, you are in for a treat! Our very own Mrs. Darling has written her story of discovery, Darling Discovered, and it’s available now on Amazon.com! Mrs. Darling sent me a review copy to check out and share my thoughts with you as a review on the site and I’m pleased to say that I enjoyed the book and really loved the real life story of submission coming to life and all the struggles that can come with it.

Synopsis

Heavily pregnant Chloe discovers that her husband, Leo is having an emotional affair with someone at work. Devastated she confronts him. After all the tears, she sets one year as the point when she’ll make a decision if he’s atoned and proven himself to be trustworthy again. In this year, she faces an identify crisis that’s been hiding for a long time; the world of Dominance and submission. Insomuch as he’s starting over, so is she; confessing her darkest secret to him and then the two embark on a year of exploration, trust-building and sexual experimentation that will either lead to a new life as Dominant and submissive or to the relationship’s end.

My Thoughts

The book reads like one of those BDSM fiction novels that you don’t want to put down. I had to keep reminding myself that I was reading a true story and that the people in it had actually lived these feelings, these emotions, that situation. Mrs. Darling’s writing style is easy to read and very engaging. It’s so refreshing to have a BDSM novel that is as much detail in it and doesn’t focus purely on the sex and play exploration but more on the developing relationship. The flashback moments of how the two met are sweet and lovely to show the depth of their relationship before the start of the timeline in the book.

I found myself rooting for Chloe and then Leo and back again. Even though the book is written in Chloe’s perspective, I could get glimpses into Leo’s mindset and that gave me a fuller sense of the whole story that many other stories tend to leave out. You could feel the pain and struggle in their life and unlike fiction, it’s not resolved by chapter’s end. This is a real, honest account of how a couple discovered D/s and adapted it to work with their relationship. It’s beautiful, it’s challenging and in the end it just might be enough to keep them together.

Mrs. Darling’s book won the 2015 BDSM Writer’s Con Book Contest. I’m sure that it will break further records now that it’s available for everyone to read! It just came out yesterday so you can be one of the first to buy her amazing true story and get a glimpse into the life of a submissive that you’ve grown to love through her articles here.

Product Details

lunaKM’s Rating: 10/10!!
Paperback: 314 pages
Publisher: MD Creative Works, LLC; First edition (May 18, 2016)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0997421916

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Published on June 02, 2016 07:00

Ask Submissive Guide: He Wants Me to Send Money as a Sign of Commitment

I have met someone online and he has asked me to be his submissive. After much talk etc… I agreed he then asked for money as a gift to show commitment to him and to show I was serious about this ? This has made me wary I have done everything else he has asked and we have spoken both sexual and in general. I also asked for safe words and he said he’s never needed them before. Should I be wary and back off?

Thanks,
Getting Bad Vibes

Dear Bad Vibes,

While it’s very good that you spent time talking and feel like you got to know him before becoming his submissive, being asked for money as a sign of commitment to him and the D/s dynamic is not okay. You don’t have to pay someone to prove you want to be in this relationship. The only time that might be acceptable in a D/s relationship is if you have a financial fetish of some sort, but I’m guessing by your concern and your questions, you don’t. Please do not send him money, and if you have, consider it the cost of learning a hard lesson.

You have every right to ask for certain things within your relationship as this person’s submissive, including safe words. He may not use them when he plays with others, but if you want to use one, and he wants to be in a D/s relationship with you, that means he needs to use it. You have every right to negotiate what makes you feel safe and secure – especially in the beginning of the relationship – and that definitely includes safe words.

Anytime your instincts tell you to be wary, it’s a good idea to listen to them. In this case, this person is sending out red flags that he either doesn’t understand D/s or he’s posing as a Dominant and simply wants someone who will let him do what he wants. Stay safe out there, and don’t let anyone calling themselves a “dominant” bully or push you into doing anything that doesn’t make you feel safe or sound right to you.

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on June 01, 2016 07:00

The Art of Apology: Knowing When to Apologize

This is part two of The Art of Apology. Would you like to read the previous article first?

More often than not, we know the moment that we say or do something that our words and actions are going to merit an apology to someone. Most of us have that voice inside our heads that immediately says, “I can’t believe you just did that!” or “Well, you’re in trouble now.” If we’re in the middle of an argument, it’s hard to listen to that voice, and to be honest, if you’ve gotten to the point in a discussion where you’re saying things in the heat of the moment, my only real advice is to advocate walking away from the situation until you’ve had a chance to calm down. But for simplicity, let’s say the argument or disagreement is over and done with. How do you know when you owe someone an apology?

1) If you legitimately regret what you’ve said or done, then you probably owe someone an apology.

Sometimes, we don’t need to analyze our actions. We can see the results as we say the words or perform the deed, and the fact that we’ve caused someone pain, discomfort, sadness, etc. makes us feel guilty. We know that we’ve done something wrong, we know that someone else is hurting because of it, and we wish that we could take our words or actions back.

For most people, this is enough, and it’s about the truest reason to offer someone an apology. You’re sorry for what you’ve done, you want to take it back, and you understand that even though the apology doesn’t erase what happened, expressing that you were wrong gives you the opportunity to let the other person know that you didn’t mean what you said.

For other people, like me, who need a little more of a push, we have reason number two:

2) If you’ve done or said something that you know to be wrong, unfair, or unkind, you probably owe someone an apology.

This might feel like it’s a no-brainer, but it’s important enough that it needs pointing out—especially if, as stated above, you’re a more stubborn or less empathetic personality.

As a species, people can occasionally be selfish and self-serving. It’s a product of our ambition to compete, to survive, and to get ahead of the people around us. Likewise, there are certain things in life that just inspire the mean-streak in us. Most of us do a good job (99.9% of the time) to be more empathetic and understanding; the occasional .01% isn’t pleasant, but the potential is there. So, even if you’re in a situation where you honestly do not regret what you said or the actions that you took, it’s important to recognize that you still might owe someone an apology.

As a submissive:

Sometimes, we don’t have a choice in when we owe an apology; our actions are deemed inappropriate by our Dom, and whether we consider what we’ve done or said to be incorrect, we occasionally have to suck it up and apologize. In some ways, this can be a relief, as it alleviates us of the responsibility of determining when we were or were not in the wrong. In other ways, this is dangerous, because we can become a little too reliant on having someone else to answer to. More than that, it’s easy to develop the mentality of, “if I’m not caught, I’m not responsible.”

As subs, it’s important that we retain responsibility for our own actions. If we don’t understand why an apology is being expected from us, then it’s our responsibility to ask for an explanation of how and where we went wrong. It’s up to use to use our common sense to act within the restrictions of our relationships, and to determine whether we need to bite the bullet and apologize, or negotiate/rationalize our behavior and the impending consequences.

Alternatively, if we do something irresponsible, inside of our relationship or out of it, we need to be able to stand up and take responsibility for our choices, without our Doms holding us accountable.

The next article will address how to apologize once you’ve decided that you need to do so. In the meantime, take a moment to consider:

How do you determine when you need to apologize for something? How often do you find yourself apologizing?

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on May 31, 2016 07:00