Luna Carruthers's Blog, page 25

Third Annual Summer of Weekend Giveaways Starts June 23rd!

Do you want a chance to win some amazing prizes? Starting next week Submissive Guide will host its third Annual Summer of Weekend Giveaways! Last year’s summer was such a success that I’ve brought it back! I have some wonderful sponsors lined up for this year’s event. So, starting June 23rd, pay attention to this site for your chance at prizes! Subscribe if you haven’t already.

Here’s a list of the sponsors I have lined up so far:

Princess Kali
The Mewtique
Mrs. Darling
Kink Academy
Cane-iac
Agreeable Agony
Hips and Curves
Paddles and Pleasures
FetLife

Every Thursday will be a new giveaway. If the sponsor has any rules, they will be listed in that week’s giveaway; ie. delivery limitations. I’ll see you next week!

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on June 15, 2016 07:00

The Art of Apology: How to Apologize

Once you know that you owe someone an apology, you’ve got to know how to apologize. Nothing is worse than being on the receiving end of an apology that sounds more like it’s a backhanded wave of secondary attacks, and the last thing that you want to do is turn your apologetic conversation into a battlefield; so before you apologize, keep these in mind:

Know why you’re apologizing. Know what you did or said, know why it was wrong, and know what you could have done or said differently.
Understand before you apologize that an apology doesn’t equate automatic forgiveness. We all hope that our apologies are accepted—especially when those apologies are sincere—but understand that an apology might not make someone feel better right away. Consider your impending apology the start of making things better.
Approach the person when you’re both in a better mindset. You need to be able to think clearly and rationally, and they need to be able to concentrate on what you’re saying. Give both of you the respect of being in a calm environment and in a situation where you can both dedicate time and concentration to the conversation.
Forget about your personal motivations. The conversation where you apologize for your actions is not the conversation where you should be offering excuses for why the person you’re apologizing to shouldn’t be mad at you. If you’re apologizing, it doesn’t matter why you said or did what you said or did, and it’s bad form to push a justification onto the person you’re apologizing to. Don’t allude to whether you had a reason or not, and don’t offer the reason unless the person that you’re apologizing to wants to know.

Because of how intimate an apology can be, I think that when it comes to apologizing to your partner, you need to make the executive decision as to whether or not you’re apologizing as an equal or as his/her submissive.

Apologizing as Equals

If the problem is something that extends past the D/s dynamic and into the “foundation” of your relationship, then you need to approach your partner as their partner. Examples of this might include: if you’ve forgotten an important date; if you’ve said or done something that implies you don’t appreciate your partner’s involvement in your life; if you’ve hurt your partner on an emotional or (goodness forbid) a physical level. These are situations that exist outside of the power-exchange of your relationship, and conflicts that can arise from these mistakes need to be addressed without the trimmings of ceremony or ritual.

Apologizing as a submissive

If you’ve done a chore incorrectly, despite being told how to do it; if you’ve slipped up and broken a rule; if you’ve unlocked your inner brat, or thrown a bit of a tantrum, then the apology that you owe your partner is the sort of apology that can and should be regulated by the confinements of your D/s dynamic. These are the sorts of situations where it’s appropriate to get on your knees in front of your Dom and to beg for forgiveness, and these are the sorts of slights that you should expect the dolling out of a punishment as compensation or recompense for your mistake.

On the same vein, but in a slightly different path, it’s important that we as subs don’t get into the habit of apologizing for every slightly incorrect thing that we do. The next article is going to talk about how to reconstruct our language so that we aren’t constantly saying, “Sorry!” to the people around us. In the meantime, take a few minutes to consider the questions below:

- Do you think there’s a difference between being sorry for what you’ve done/said and being sorry for the results of what you’ve done/said?

- How do you express the difference if there is one?

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on June 14, 2016 07:00

Review: Black Titanium Wrist Cuff by Eternity Collars

24/7 slave wear is definitely something people are always asking me if I have suggestions or opinions. It’s probably because I’ve worn a stainless steel collar for over 7 years and I must have a lot of opinion. Perhaps. Last month I reviewed a steel rope collar from Eternity Collars and today I’m going to bring you a review of their Black Titanium Wrist Cuff. They gave me two to review so I could wear them on both of my wrists. I have to say that I love these, love love love ‘em. I got several compliments on my “bangles” when I was out and about. I’ve worn them non-stop since I got them in April. If you are looking for a collar alternative, perhaps these might suit you!

What Is It?

Click for Full Size

The Black Wrist Cuff comes in regular steel or lighter Titanium. The site says that their original collection, may contain a small amount of nickel. If that is a concern, their Titanium collection, is 100% hypoallergenic, allergy-free and will not react to sunlight, salt water, sweat or body oils. The black coating makes the cuff look so lovely and unique and disguises the fact it is metal. The wrist cuff is oval shaped so it’s definitely more comfortable when resting your hands on a table, for example. The cuff is fastened with a small screw and I liked the detail that the screw included was also black coated, however the spares that came with it are silver.

Thoughts

I’m really enjoying the cuffs. The polish on the black titanium really does make it look like fancy bangles instead of locked on cuffs and I’ve not had a single question about them. They do knock on the desk, table, drawer, door, anywhere pretty loudly so I’m learning to not clunk my hands down too hard.

Some of the coating is wearing on the hinge, probably from the bumping and rubbing on the desk as I’m writing. It’s not bad and I kinda like the wear on it.

Packaging

The shipment was in a plain brown box but inside the products were packaged beautiful black tray-style boxes; the lid folds over the top of a tray and then has a light magnetic closure with the Eternity Collars logo laminated on top. Inside the box, the collar was inside its own faux velvet pouch. I was very impressed with the packaging. It would be easy to wrap the boxes if this was going to be a gift and it feels classy and understated.

Where to Get It

This black cuff is only available online at EternityCollars.com starting at $80.00. Most orders ship within 24 to 48 hours (business days). They offer a 365 day return policy if one of their products is uncomfortable or irritates your skin. You can return it for a full refund.

Pros
Discreet
Highly durable
24/7 wearable
Attractive black coating
Lightweight Titanium (also available in Stainless Steel)
Wide variety of sizes available
Oval shape
Fast shipping

Cons
Spare screws are not black
Hex screwdriver handle is slippery
Black coating chips and fades over time

I definitely feel like this is a great alternative to a collar worn around the neck and is very discreet. You don’t have to wear one on each wrist. Check it out for yourself!

This product was given to me by Eternity Collars, free of charge, in exchange for an honest review.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on June 13, 2016 07:00

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

Hi folks!

We’ve started putting in applications for apartments since we need to move shortly. It’s a process that leaves me feeling anxious as we wait to hear back from property managers. With our financial struggles it doesn’t help that we have to find something that fits our new temporary budget and leaves us enough to afford the moving truck. It’s a balancing act that is driving me batty!

The GoFundMe plea for assistance is still going on and I’ll likely keep it open until July 1st. You guys are amazing. As of this post I’ve raised $2030. We’ll be back on our feet in no time with your help. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Let’s move on to what’s going on here!

I Need Your Help! Submissive Guide is Ready to Grow, But Can’t Do So With Out Your Support!
If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a fan of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $1 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. In return you’ll get perks and rewards like discount codes for ebooks, freebies and one on one time with me!Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:
This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

You Share, I Share, We All Share! No no no, that’s not right….
Dealing With Submissive Burnout by tequilarose

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask Submissive Guide Advice Column

The advice column where we help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

Ask Submissive Guide: Trying Again

My Dominant and I are trying to get our relationship going in the right direction again. We have been married for 23 years and in an M/s relationship for the past 4 years. In the beginning he read everything and was involved and it was everything I dreamed it would be but things started dropping off about two years ago and came to a skidding halt about 3 months ago. He says he doesn’t like to read and never has, stress at work, stress in general. But he got upset when I stopped doing most of the things that showed my submission like serve him coffee or control over medications. 1. How can I begin to seve him again without feeling like he’ll flounder on me again? 2. How can I get him more interested into learning again if he’s not a big reader?

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

This Week’s Discussion on Submissive Guide’s FetLife Group

Come join in the discussions on FetLife where you can find other readers and followers of Submissive Guide. Discussions hosted by MRs. Darling and myself.

Summertime Submission

So summer is upon us. How does this season impact your submission? What are you looking forward to? Bummed about?

Join the FetLife group for more support and conversation.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2015: Some Misconceptions about the Caregiver/Little Dynamic by tequilarose
In 2014: More Red Flags for Everyone by Miss Jessica
In 2013: Ask lunaKM – Influx of Bossy Newbies Killing Old School Traditions
In 2012: Service: There’s an App for that! by nan{SL}
In 2011: Using Your Fear for Better Submissive Growth by mi_vida

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

Have you discussed the possibility of death, long term disability or illness with the person you serve? How have you addressed potential issues those situations may cause?
Do you beg? How do you feel when you do?
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!

Featured Podcast of the Week – Erotic Awakening

EA398 – When Slaves Leave

10 Jun 2016, 10:47am GMT

→ Erotic Awakening Podcast

This week on the Erotic Awakening Podcast, Dan interviews bat, his former slave, and they talk about they she left. PLUS Dan & dawn talk about how to know when polyamory situations come up if you are being supportive?or taken advantage of! PlUS so many tentacle links? Tags? Oh yea we got tags #polyamory #slavegoesfree #powerexchange Erotic Awakening is supported in part by KJ Canes! Check them out and use DND16 to get 10% off your order! click here and shop! Don’t miss an episode! Click here to subscribe via iTunes or here for any other method Part of the Erotic Awakening Podcast Network Click the banner above for other great shows spanning the realm of BDSM, Sacred Sexuality, Tantra, a…

MP3 audio (56MB, 61min)

Podcast RSS

iTunes subscribe

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on June 12, 2016 10:00

Ask Submissive Guide: Trying Again

Hi Submissive Guide

My Dominant and I are trying to get our relationship going in the right direction again. We have been married for 23 years and in an M/s relationship for the past 4 years. In the beginning he read everything and was involved and it was everything I dreamed it would be but things started dropping off about two years ago and came to a skidding halt about 3 months ago. He says he doesn’t like to read and never has, stress at work, stress in general. But he got upset when I stopped doing most of the things that showed my submission like serve him coffee or control over medications. 1. How can I begin to seve him again without feeling like he’ll flounder on me again? 2. How can I get him more interested into learning again if he’s not a big reader?

Thank you
Trying again

Hi there, Trying Again!

It’s hard to tell you exactly what to do, because everyone is unique and every relationships has its own hurdles to manage, but hopefully I can give you some advice to help you find the right path for your relationship.

My first question would be to look at what, if anything, has been going on in your life over the past few months and years that might add stress to your Dominant’s life. Both Dominants and submissives have responsibilities within the relationship, and Dominants carry the burden of controlling, caring for, leading, and/or nurturing their submissive. When outside life interferes – illness, stress at work, problems with family members – those additional responsibilities can feel like a burden.

Next, your first question sounds like a trust issue. You want to serve but you’re afraid he’ll let you down. The only thing that can rebuild trust is time and effort. If he’s still interested in the lifestyle, maybe you simply need to take things slow. It’s possible that your M/s dynamic no longer works and you may need to explore different options that work for you both. Maybe less “Master” and more “Sir” or something like it.

Another suggestion is for you to be his submissive even if he’s not actively leading. Ask yourself this question – do you still want to serve him? Is it part of your nature or do you prefer to do it only as part of your D/s relationship? There’s no right or wrong answer, but it may help you decide how to proceed. It is entirely possible that if you continue to serve and submit in different ways, you may help him feel more Dominant which makes the act of dominating much easier. And if serving your partner fills a need within you, you’ll help yourself as well. If the problem is outside stressors making it difficult for your Dominant to lead your relationship, by continuing to serve him, you may help him remember what your dynamic feels like.

Is it possible that you’ve both fallen into a rut of doing the same things in the same way over the past few years? Now may be a good time to try new things and find the old excitement you had in the beginning.

Let me play devil’s advocate for a moment…

If he expects you to do everything you’re supposed to as his submissive and refuses to do any of the things he agreed to do as your Dominant, there could be a problem. While I advocate for continuing to do your tasks for as long as possible, the moment he stops behaving as your Dominant, you have every right to question what’s going on. While we shouldn’t serve only in expectation of some reward, you deserve to have a partner who’s willing to keep their end of the agreement. The first step in any situation, but especially this one, is to talk to him about it. Let him know how you feel.

Now, as for how to help him get information without reading it, you’re in luck. There are plenty of options out there.

Podcasts can be listened to in the car, while working out, and anywhere you can get away with having headphones or earbuds on. I produce a podcast called Loving BDSM which focuses on D/s relationships, but there are a ton of other podcasts for kinksters. Check out an archived list here on Submissive Guide of kinky podcasts.

Another option is always video. YouTube has several channels of fellow kinksters sharing their experiences and knowledge. Even here on Submissive Guide, we have videos you can both watch to learn new things or discuss different topics.

It is entirely possible for him to learn new things without having to read it. Check out how you can do the reading and then present it to your Dominant!

The first step is always to talk to each other. Set aside a time when you can focus on each other. Explain how you feel, what you need, and what you want. Give him the opportunity to do the same. If he’s like some Dominants I know, he may be going through something stressful at work or elsewhere and didn’t want to talk about it because he believes, as a Dominant, he should be able to handle it. But if it’s interfering with your dynamic, it may be time that he accepts whatever help you can provide so you can both have a relationship you want and find fulfilling.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on June 08, 2016 07:00

Dealing With Submissive Burnout

There are times where I don’t feel like being a slave. I look around the apartment and see what needs to be done, dishes, laundry, dinner prep, grocery shopping and I think to myself I really don’t wanna do any of it. Daddy will give me errands to run and even though I’m nodding my head yes, inside I’m thinking “Nope, nope. Nope. Definitely don’t wanna do that one”. I still do them because, that whole responsibility thing. Can’t ignore them no matter how much I may want to. Even though I do them, my heart isn’t in them. Which isn’t normal for me because I’m a service whore. I get off on being in service to Daddy. It makes my heart soar whenever Daddy compliments me on a clean apartment, when His eyes light up when He sees that I’ve picked up His current food craving without being asked, and all that stuff. Totally makes it worth it. But there are times where no matter His response, my heart just isn’t in it. When that happens my good friends, that is what is called burnout.

Merriam-Webster defines burnout as “ the condition of someone who has become very physically and emotionally tired after doing a difficult job for a long time”. As much as we s-types do love being submissive and serving, I doubt anyone is going to debate the fact that what we do can be a difficult job and is definitely a long term job.

In my opinion, the feelings associated with burnout are almost as bad as those that are associated with subdrop. Not quite as bad, but it’s still an extremely unpleasant feeling. Even though burnout may be something that’s not talked about a whole lot by s-types, it’s something that happens to every s-type. And I’m sorry, but if any s-type says they’ve never experienced any kind of relationship burnout, they are LYING! Like with everything else, burnout happens in varying degrees, sometimes lasting maybe an hour or two or even weeks and months. There are a lot of things that can cause burnout. Stress, health issues, personal and family problems, problems at work, relationship issues, all of these things can contribute to burnout.

It’s not always easy to realize you’re dealing with burnout. For me anyways, it always slowly creeps up on me. In the beginning, I chalk it up to insomnia or not sleeping well, or after bingeing on junk food or a little too much fast food, weather, or just having an off kilter day. Come on, we all have off kilter days. Then I notice that the feeling is lasting a little longer and a little more (insert word I’m not sure of) and finding myself wanting to tell the laundry to fuck off and do itself, then I know what I’m dealing with for sure.

The good thing, burnout isn’t a permanent problem. Yes, it may feel that way, but it’s not. There are things you can do to help overcome burnout and hopefully shorten your period of suffering.

First things first, you gotta talk to your dominant. You gotta let him or her know what’s going on with you. Yes, they may notice that not everything is okay with you, but they are not mindreaders and can’t figure out on their own that you’re dealing with burnout. You need to let them know that you’re feeling overwhelmed and together the two of you can work something out to help reduce the stress at home or coming up with some kind of ritual that helps you focus and relax.

The second thing, self care. A lot of s-types tend to see self care as being selfish(I was one of those s-types), but if you’re not taking care of yourself, then how can you take care of your dominant and other responsibilities? Self care doesn’t have to be anything extravagant or expensive. A special treat(mine are a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, a trip to Starbucks, or a new book), a bubble bath, taking time doing something you love doing. Being able to relax and recharge your batteries can make the world of difference.

Another thing, learn how to say ‘no’ and setting boundaries. Too many times we take on too many projects and get involved with the local community and groups, and before you know it, you’re involved in more activities than you realize. When you have children, they’re involved in afterschool activities which means you’re also involved in said afterschool activities which quickly adds up. It’s okay to say no, that you can’t make something for this fundraiser or that you can’t make it to someone’s party.

Like I said earlier, I’ve been there. I’ve found myself struggling with burnout and overcoming it. It’s not something that you can overcome once and never have to worry about it again and that’s why it’s important to practice the things I mentioned above on a regular basis. Your mental well-being and submission will thank you for it.

Also, I want to leave you with some links that have some more tips on how to deal with burnout.

10 Ways to Take Care of Ourselves When We’re Suffering from Burnout
The Eight Basic Salves for Burn-Out
Recovering From Burnout
10 Tips: How to Work Through Burnout
Related Posts:
Feeling down after a play session?
Single In The Scene Part VI: Vulnerability
Ask lunaKM – Relationship Stress, Cruising Protocol and Poly Issues
Ask SehAnru | Submission and Health/Joint Problems
Single in the Scene Part I: Boundaries

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on June 07, 2016 07:00

You Share, I Share, We All Share! No no no, that’s not right….

from the Submissive Guide Newsletter 3/5/16

I don’t know about you, but I’m monogamous. I am not shared with anyone else and that suits me just fine. But if you go to any online discussion group you may get an impression that the opposite is true; that sharing your submissive with others in a play setting is the norm. But really, it’s just not as prevalent as you think.

There is this misconception that everyone shares everyone else in play or sex such as a party and that needs to stop. It’s scaring the neighbors. Heck it scares me. This idea has no business growing within the BDSM community and I’m going to voice my dissent right now.

When you attend a play party or dungeon event it may look like a lot of random people are hooking up and people are playing with people other than those they came with but look harder and start asking questions if you are confused. There are couples playing that only play with each other. They are very possessive perhaps, or have no interest in sharing themselves with others. And that’s perfectly acceptable. Are there people there that are polyamorous and have more than one play partner? Polyamory doesn’t mean they just go around playing and getting freaky with just anyone. And they could be bonded to their partners so they don’t play with random people.

I do admit that more casual play happens at a larger play event than a smaller one and that could be where a large majority of people get this idea that everyone is free to play with anyone and everyone. Or just because of the sheer number of people there it could look like a free for all. I myself have seen it happen. There are play bunnies (people who bounce from one partner to another to get as much play in as possible at an event) just as much as there are tops willing to play with as many as they can. These people are usually more obvious, less inhibited and definitely clearly free to explore with whomever they wish.

But I’m a part of a couple and as a couple, I am not anyone else’s playmate. I attend play parties to play with my partner only. It may be to experience a piece of equipment that we’ve never used before or to mingle in the atmosphere that public play tends to bring out. But share we do not.

Another reason that it may feel like people just get passed around for play is that we encourage novices just to try it, go for it, head to a party and ask for it. Is that really right? In some situations it could be, but for others it could confuse someone even more. Play isn’t just casual for many. It has a huge element of intimacy and closeness, trust and vulnerability that for many, myself included, just can’t happen in the span of a 10 minute negotiation. So, what do I have to say to novices who want to know what a certain play activity is like? Find out your connection to kink and relationships first. If you feel you can play without needing a connection, then give it a go. If you consider play to be intimate and you don’t want to do intimate things in public, then don’t go play at a party. Save it for a private moment with a partner that you trust and have a connection with. Sure it will take you a bit longer, but it will be well worth the wait.

Ultimately this is one of those things that you need to build your own personal opinion about and not listen to everyone chiming in with the opposite. Sure it’s an easy thing to push people to just go for it and try it and then have a relationship later, but if they aren’t wired that way it comes off as the only accepted way and the new person has to somehow ignore their own preferences.

Don’t ignore your preferences. If you prefer to explore only in a committed, monogamous relationship then seek that. You don’t have to be shared with others unless you agree to it and playing at parties is also optional. You can be a great submissive without ever having played with someone who isn’t your committed partner.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on June 06, 2016 07:00

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

Hi folks!

Saturday was KnyghtMare’s and my 5 year wedding anniversary. I made a nice pork tenderloin and we had a “Netflix and chill” sort of night. Next week we are looking at a few apartments to try and find one before our lease ends here and one that will work with our current situation. We’ll have to make some difficult decisions and probably downgrade to something not as nice, smaller perhaps and just work with it until we can recover financially and be more stable again.

The GoFundMe plea for assistance is still going on and I’ll likely keep it open until July 1st. You guys are amazing. As of this post I’ve raised $1750. We’ll be back on our feet in no time with your help. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Let’s move on to what’s going on here!

I Need Your Help! Submissive Guide is Ready to Grow, But Can’t Do So With Out Your Support!
If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a fan of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $1 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. In return you’ll get perks and rewards like discount codes for ebooks, freebies and one on one time with me!Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:
This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

The Art of Apology: Knowing When to Apologize by kallista
Book Review: Darling Discovered by Mrs. Darling
[Infographic] Bondage for Beginners

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask Submissive Guide Advice Column

The advice column where we help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

Ask Submissive Guide: He Wants Me to Send Money as a Sign of Commitment

I have met someone online and he has asked me to be his submissive. After much talk etc… I agreed he then asked for money as a gift to show commitment to him and to show I was serious about this ? This has made me wary I have done everything else he has asked and we have spoken both sexual and in general. I also asked for safe words and he said he’s never needed them before. Should I be wary and back off?

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

This Week’s Discussion on Submissive Guide’s FetLife Group

Come join in the discussions on FetLife where you can find other readers and followers of Submissive Guide. Discussions hosted by MRs. Darling and myself.

How did this all get started for you?

How did this all get started for you? Have you always known you are submissive? Did it start in the bedroom for you or were you seeking to give up control everywhere? Was it a particular person or event in your life that sparked your interest in BDSM?

Join the FetLife group for more support and conversation.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2015: Two Bodies Revolving Around a Core: The Slow Dance of a BDSM Long-Distance Relationship by Vikki Heaven
In 2014: Ask lunaKM – Best Books for a Novice Submissive
In 2013: Ask lunaKM – Poly & Territorial Response
In 2012: What is Protocol?
In 2011: Let’s Be Selfish – Recharging The Submissive Battery by Sephani Paige

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

What has been your greatest personal victory in your life? What has been your greatest disappointment in your life?
What is your favorite scene from a book or movie that evoked a sense of your slavery?
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!

Featured Podcast of the Week – People of Kink

TPOK Minicast 65 – Just for the love of it

1 Jun 2016, 5:00am GMT

→ The People of Kink

We talk this week about doing kink and things in your life purely for the love of it. Find what you love in kink and do that thing so that it fills your soul. Don’t do things because that’s what is popular or that’s what the majority says you should. Do your kink because it is simply the thing that makes you happy. If the people around you are not happy with your kink then find some people that are for you. On the flip side of all this is that we should not pressure people do our kinks or go to the same events that we go to because that’s what we love. Tell them about it and let them find their joy and love for whatever it is that fills that void in their kink and life.

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Published on June 05, 2016 10:00

[Infographic] Bondage for Beginners

from Carvaka Sex Toys (https://carvakasextoys.co.uk/)

Today I’m sharing with you a lovely inforgraphic (huge image with knowledge) for Bondage Beginners. I especially like the music suggestions! Feel free to download and save or share this graphic where ever you’d like as long as you link to the producer of the graphic, Carvaka Sex Toys (https://carvakasextoys.co.uk/).

from Carvaka Sex Toys (https://carvakasextoys.co.uk/)

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on June 03, 2016 07:00

Book Review: Darling Discovered by Mrs. Darling

Many of you have been asking me for more stories of real submissives and slaves, from how they found their Dominant to how their life is right now. Well, you are in for a treat! Our very own Mrs. Darling has written her story of discovery, Darling Discovered, and it’s available now on Amazon.com! Mrs. Darling sent me a review copy to check out and share my thoughts with you as a review on the site and I’m pleased to say that I enjoyed the book and really loved the real life story of submission coming to life and all the struggles that can come with it.

Synopsis

Heavily pregnant Chloe discovers that her husband, Leo is having an emotional affair with someone at work. Devastated she confronts him. After all the tears, she sets one year as the point when she’ll make a decision if he’s atoned and proven himself to be trustworthy again. In this year, she faces an identify crisis that’s been hiding for a long time; the world of Dominance and submission. Insomuch as he’s starting over, so is she; confessing her darkest secret to him and then the two embark on a year of exploration, trust-building and sexual experimentation that will either lead to a new life as Dominant and submissive or to the relationship’s end.

My Thoughts

The book reads like one of those BDSM fiction novels that you don’t want to put down. I had to keep reminding myself that I was reading a true story and that the people in it had actually lived these feelings, these emotions, that situation. Mrs. Darling’s writing style is easy to read and very engaging. It’s so refreshing to have a BDSM novel that is as much detail in it and doesn’t focus purely on the sex and play exploration but more on the developing relationship. The flashback moments of how the two met are sweet and lovely to show the depth of their relationship before the start of the timeline in the book.

I found myself rooting for Chloe and then Leo and back again. Even though the book is written in Chloe’s perspective, I could get glimpses into Leo’s mindset and that gave me a fuller sense of the whole story that many other stories tend to leave out. You could feel the pain and struggle in their life and unlike fiction, it’s not resolved by chapter’s end. This is a real, honest account of how a couple discovered D/s and adapted it to work with their relationship. It’s beautiful, it’s challenging and in the end it just might be enough to keep them together.

Mrs. Darling’s book won the 2015 BDSM Writer’s Con Book Contest. I’m sure that it will break further records now that it’s available for everyone to read! It just came out yesterday so you can be one of the first to buy her amazing true story and get a glimpse into the life of a submissive that you’ve grown to love through her articles here.

Product Details

lunaKM’s Rating: 10/10!!
Paperback: 314 pages
Publisher: MD Creative Works, LLC; First edition (May 18, 2016)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0997421916

Get Darling Discovered on Amazon.com!

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on June 02, 2016 07:00