Luna Carruthers's Blog, page 24

[Freebie] Subspace Do’s and Don’ts

I’ve put together a short report on subspace and a few do’s and don’ts when it comes to your altered headspace from play or intense connection. If you’ve never experienced subspace this report might help you also to identify it. Pick it up now for free!

Download it Now!

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 08, 2016 07:00

Weekend Giveaway: Darling Discovered by Mrs. Darling (1 Winner)

This contest is for US readers only.

This week’s giveaway is from Mrs Darling. She is offering up a copy of her brand new book about discovering submission, Darling Discovered. You’ve had a chance to get to know her through her writing here, now learn her unique initiation story. It’s a great read. Check out the review I made of her book last month.

Darling Discovered

After her seemingly perfect world came crashing down Chloe Donnovan was faced with a crisis of identity. In a bold attempt to start life over in a more authentic way, she confessed her darkest secret, a desire to submit to her husband Leo. The two set off on a year of information, exploration, and sexual experimentation that will either breathe new life into the relationship or lead to their final demise.

Darling Discovered: A True Story of Submission explores issues of trust, self-acceptance, and healing, set amongst the sandy beaches of Florida in an emotional and pleasurable read.

It is human nature to want to protect your truest self from the outside world. This is one woman’s true story of deciding to share herself despite those fears.

This contest is for US readers only.

Make sure to show Mrs. Darling some love and check out her website, FetLife, and Twitter.

Would you like to win a copy of Darling Discovered? Just click on the graphic below and type in your email address. This giveaway ends Sunday, July 10th at 11:59 pm, CST. One winner will be chosen and posted on this post on Tuesday.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 07, 2016 07:00

Ask Submissive Guide: Grieving for Her Master

Dear LunaKM,

I lost my Master to cancer two weeks ago, and I’m not sure how to grieve, He was not only my master he was my best friend. While there are moments of deep sadness I don’t feel I’m grieving enough. Shortly after his passing I had to clean out his home and it mostly came into mine, could that be why? I was so busy doing that it hasn’t sunk in? Or is it that his things still surround me? I of course have pictures of him and am writing about our life. All I mostly feel is numb and angry.

I asked other non sub friends and they said maybe this was how I am grieving. Somehow I feel jipped because I don’t feel sad enough. Weird right? He was my Master.

Sincerely,
Not Quite Grieving Yet

Dear Grieving,

First let me say how sorry I am for you and send you big ((HUGS)). I cannot imagine what you must be going through right now. I think it’s safe to say that everyone reading this is so sorry for your loss.

We all grieve in different ways and at different times. You could easily be in shock or still in a certain amount of denial. Yes, numb and angry could be how you grieve.

When it comes to the grieving process, there are five recognized “steps” that people go through (per research done by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross many years ago):

Denial – The “this can’t be happening” or “this can’t be real” kind of feeling.
Anger – Being upset at the situation or even the person for dying
Bargaining – Making “promises” to yourself or a higher power to avoid this kind of thing in the future or to go back in time and “fix” things
Depression – Feeling empty, numb, sad, and anything else that goes with depression
Acceptance – Accepting the reality of the situation

The worst part about these five stages is that you probably won’t go through them in order, and it probably won’t be a quick process. You may feel denial about certain things, then depressed, and then accept them. Then something will happen, you’ll be hit with a memory long forgotten, and you’ll find yourself angry, bargaining, and depressed.

The cycles are a guide, but they aren’t linear, and there is no timeline for the grieving process.

Your grief will take as long as it takes.

Feelings of anger are normal. Feeling numb is normal. Crying or not crying, it’s all normal. And there’s no such thing as the right amount of grief.

Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel in the moment – no matter how ugly or negative. But don’t block people from your life, especially those who want to help or can understand how you feel. No one will be able to bring back your Master but when you’re angry or depressed, it’s easy to feel completely alone. Let the people who love you comfort you during these times.

When my Dominant’s sister died in 2015, I was helpless to make him feel better – just as your loved ones are helpless to change your grief. I reminded him I was there for him, gave him extra hugs, and let him talk about his sister as much as he needed to. If you have even one friend you can do that with, it will help immensely.

D/s and kink being what they are, if you don’t have someone who will understand the ins and outs of what you’re going through, start a journal and write out how you feel. The point is to get the negative feelings out of your head for at least a little while. You may be surprised at how you feel when you do.

Learn more about the stages of grief.

Click here to find a local group to help with your grief.

You can also find a couple articles about grief here on Submissive Guide:

M/s and When Life Happens: Dealing With Health Challenges and Death by charmedblyss
7 Myths of Grieving and Understanding Your Responses to Death by Shahjahani

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 06, 2016 07:00

The Art of Apology: Don’t Over Apologize

Apologizing is great, of course, but there is such a thing as apologizing too often. I had a biology teacher in high school who wouldn’t accept when his students said, “Sorry,” for mundane transgressions. “Don’t say sorry all the time,” he’d say, “or people are going to start thinking that you’re a sorry individual.”

We all know people (or possibly are people) who seem to be apologizing constantly. “Sorry I’m late,” “Sorry for taking up your time,” “Sorry for calling,” “Sorry for complaining at you.” And you get to the point where you think to yourself, “Good grief, save everyone some time and just apologize for existing.”

While seemingly harmless, stating unnecessary things as apologies tends to result in two effects: you essentially undercut every legitimate moment where an apology is actually needed by constantly apologizing (making your apology less valuable) and the negative phrasing that you use either lowers others’ opinion of you (because you’re constantly associating yourself with a negative exchange of some kind), or insults them because, by apologizing for essentially existing in their presence, you’re indicating that you suspect them to be inconvenienced by everything you do (thereby undermining any positive relationship you have with that person).

Sorry isn’t actually an apology.

We tend to use sorry for a lot of different situations, but we’ve gone well past the point where our use of the word actually matches the meaning.

Look at it this way:

The word “sorry” comes from the word “sore,” meaning “pained or distressed.” This is the same root that supplies us with the word “sorrow” which means “sadness.” If you’re “sorry” for something, it means that whatever it is has caused you to be sad, pained, or distressed—not that you regret doing something. So if you’re saying, “Sorry for interrupting,” or “Sorry for being late,” or “sorry” for one of the hundreds of other things we unconsciously say sorry for in a day, you’re not communicating to people that you regret that you’re being difficult, you’re communicating that whatever has caused you to say “sorry,” has put you in some strange state of distress, sadness, and pain.

While that might kind of be what we’re attempting to suggest, the word is used so often, and in so many circumstances that the meaning is completely lost on most people. Culturally, the words, “I’m sorry” are as much an obligation as they are a conversation filler, and ultimately, saying the words when you don’t mean them, or when the situation doesn’t merit them, will take away from instances where you actually mean the sentiment.

Stop saying sorry!

Apologizing in excess is an easy trap to fall into, and we pretty much all have that one person we feel like we’re constantly apologizing to (sometimes it’s our boss, sometimes it’s our partner, sometimes it’s our favourite relative). If you catch yourself in situations where you’re constantly apologizing, don’t worry (and don’t apologize), as it’s a pretty easy fix:

1) Learn to rephrase what you’re saying. If you feel like you’re making someone’s life harder, or being a burden, it’s easy to find yourself saying, “Sorry!” but if you can take the negative phrase of “sorry” and turn it into something positive, you can take a situation that makes you feel/appear burdensome and use it to acknowledge the compassion or sympathy/empathy that you’re receiving from the other person.

Instead of
Try
Sorry for bothering you with this.
Thanks for talking to me about this.
Sorry I’m late.
Thanks for your patience.
Sorry for complaining.
Thank you for listening.
Sorry, but I don’t understand…
Could you explain…
Sorry to interrupt, but…
Excuse me/Pardon me…

2) Learn the difference between apologizing and showing sympathy/consoling someone. We tend to throw “Oh, I’m sorry,” out to people in situations where we’ve done nothing wrong, and most of the time, instead of conveying the sympathy we want to convey, we end up making the person feel worse or frustrated.

Instead of
Try
Sorry you got stuck in traffic.
How frustrating that you were stuck in traffic.
Sorry that your pet bunny had to be put down.
That must have been such a hard decision; please let me know if you need anything.
Sorry that job opportunity fell through.
It’s unfortunate that opportunity fell through, I know how much you were looking forward to it.

What about when you’re actually apologizing?

Technically speaking, the words “I’m sorry,” should only come out of your mouth when you’re actually apologizing for something that you’ve done or said. Even then, the words, “I apologize” can have as great an impact on a person (and sometimes greater) as the more commonly uttered, “I’m sorry.”

Truthfully, I think the severity of the situation, the amount of emotion involved in the situation, and your familiarity with the person that you’re apologizing to are all as important in choosing how you apologize as actually determining whether or not you should apologize. Ultimately, you’ll know which phrases to use with which person just based on how well you know the individual and how intimate the apology is, but I think a good rule of thumb is to keep “I’m sorry” for cases where you’re owning up to a mistake.

The next article is going to focus on how to receive an apology, but for now, I’d like you guys to focus on your language as it currently stands. What are some of the things that you find yourself saying sorry for? Try to figure out ways to rephrase those statements as something positive.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 05, 2016 07:00

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

Hi folks!

KnyghtMare and I have just 9 days until we move and it feels like there is so much more to do! Today I’m packing everything possible so that I can start the deep clean required to get all of our deposit back. It’s a lot of work, but well worth it. I’m still purging things like crazy so that when we move into the new place it doesn’t feel cluttered. Downsizing is quite the challenge!

The kitties are all riled up because of the boxes around here and I know the older ones who’ve experienced a move before probably know what’s going on. The little one, however just thinks we’ve built a new playground for him. Too cute!

Thank you for helping Submissive Guide – take 20% off all ebooks until July 15th!

As a thank you for providing the summer’s bills and keeping the site alive, I’m offering a 20% discount on all Subguide ebooks purchased on the site. You don’t need a discount code, it will automatically deduct it for you. Show your love for subguide and get yourself something in the bargain!

Check out the ebooks!

Let’s move on to what’s going on here!

I Need Your Help! Submissive Guide is Ready to Grow, But Can’t Do So With Out Your Support!
If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a fan of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $1 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. In return you’ll get perks and rewards like discount codes for ebooks, freebies and one on one time with me!

Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:
This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

Learning to Appreciate the Small Moments – Submissive Meditation Monday
Book Review: Decoding Your Kink by Galen Fous MTP by tequilarose
Weekend Giveaway: 1 Set of Clip-in Kitty Ears and a BDSM Triskelion Pinback Button from The Mewtique (1 Winner)
Aging in the Lifestyle: Doing it with Grace by charmed blyss

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask Submissive Guide Advice Column

The advice column where we help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

Ask lunaKM – Can’t Wear My Collar at Work

So…i am a collared submissive & wear my Ring of Steel collar 24/7, proudly.

Problem is: i work in a food service position, where jewelry is prohibited & my supervisor is threatening to take disciplinary action should i wear my collar during my next shift (despite my working while wearing it for nearly 2 years now with no issue).

i’m understandably upset by this; whilst my collar is of vast importance to me, this is my job which i the only means allowing me to contribute to household expenses. my Master has suggested several things, including calling out the more important food safety violations as well as (should worse come to worse) an alternative to my collar. As for me, no job is more significant than the ability to wear my collar, each & every day. i don’t want to remove my collar nor do i want to sacrifice my livelyhood.

i’m torn. i don’t want to remove my collar nor do i want to leave (or be fired from) my job, disappointing my Master & leaving Him 100% responsible for the entire household’s expenses.

Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated! i feel confused, lost, & saddened by this.

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

This Week’s Discussion on Submissive Guide’s FetLife Group

Come join in the discussions on FetLife where you can find other readers and followers of Submissive Guide. Discussions hosted by MRs. Darling and myself.

Independence Day(!?)

So it’s Fourth of July weekend here Stateside and a we gear down to celebrate our nation’s independence, answer this:

Do you ever wish for an “independence day?” A day off from submission?

If you could put a quick pause on serving, would ya?

How do you address this if so?

Join the FetLife group for more support and conversation.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2015: A Simple Act of Submission by tequilarose
In 2014: Ask lunaKM – A Step-by-Step Guide for a Scene
In 2013: Ask lunaKM – Dominant, a Bully?
In 2012: Earn Money on Your Site with JT’s Stockroom Affiliate Program
In 2011: Let’s Be Selfish – Recharging The Submissive Battery by Sephani Paige

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

What cliche describes you?
What are 5 things you never thought you would do?
What part of your sexuality seems the most mysterious to you?
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!

Related Posts:
lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections
lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections
How To Manage, Increase and Explore Pain Tolerances in SM Play

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 03, 2016 11:00

Aging in the Lifestyle: Doing it with Grace

Mama Vi Then and Now, image courtesy of Mama Vi Johnson and edited by blyss

When I first came to the community, I, as well as others like me, was a bit of a unicorn. During that time, it wasn’t the norm to see younger people in the community – younger as in under 36 or so. Most of the people I knew were 40+, and there I was in undergrad with a whole world of living ahead of me. It was exciting, and I really never gave much thought to the age difference (except when it came to older men… for all the happy reasons lol) between many of the people I met and myself. Not only that, but I also never gave any thought as to what some of the older slaves may have felt or experienced as they were aging in the lifestyle or coming to the Lifestyle while already in their golden years.

I’m officially over 40 now, something I had looked forward to when I was younger. It’s fair to say pretty much all of my adult life has been spent being a part of the Lifestyle community. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I started giving thought (more like worriation) to aging in the Lifestyle as a slave. Usually the Master who’s gotten older is seen as sexy, attractive, and established; and that’s not always the case for slaves. As the worry grew, I knew I needed to nip it in the bud, and so this post is a result of that process. I looked to examples of slaves who embody all that I hope to be as I continue on this journey and become more mature.

The picture for this post is of Mama Vi Johnson – spiritual mother, comforter, friend, confidante, and mentor to many and without a shadow of a doubt a revered Lifestyle elder who just happens to be a slave…

There have been so many occasions I’ve had the opportunity to listen to her share the stories of when she was a young slave just coming to the Lifestyle; she’s shared freely her hurts, joys, loves, laughs, highs and lows, and her triumphs. I’ve never asked if she has ever worried about growing older as a slave – it never occurred to me as she was always too busy living the experience of being a slave. She’s always exuded confidence in her value not only as a human being and woman, but that same confidence is found in her value as a slave. I’d like to share a few of my thoughts on what I’ve learned in regards to being an older slave by observing Mama Vi over the years.

Maturity ripens a slave in the most delectable way

Most of us who know Mama Vi probably thought she just came out of the womb awesome. But, reality is, she wasn’t born knowing all she knows. She was groomed and taught; her raw potential was harnessed over time to give us all the fabulousness we see today. And though she had definite value and very real slave appeal at 20something years of age, all of that only increased exponentially with time and added life experience. There’s something about the maturation process, if unhindered that enhances the inherent value of an individual. The temperament levels out; wisdom speaks more clearly; lessons are learned and not forgotten.

An enterprising slave ripens with age. Mama Vi continued to sharpen her skill set, and there’s no question about it, she’s an avid learner. When a slave has a hunger for knowledge, that slave tends to have an expansive presence. Usually, there’s also youthfulness present, that little spark or twinkle in the eyes. Maturing doesn’t mean becoming rigid; it actually adds zest to our daily experiences. We’re less liable to crazy emotional swings, which gives us the ability to enjoy the fruits of life much more. We also become more settled in so many ways. This is the type of slave that’s a delight to own, and isn’t that what we desire – to be a delight in our usefulness to our Owner?

Eldership has its responsibilities… and its perks

I think I can safely say that when Mama Vi first stepped foot in a Leather bar she didn’t do so declaring, “I’m gonna be a Leather elder one day!” That’s not how this works. Eldership isn’t an aspiration; it’s one of those things that happen almost seamlessly. Most of the people who are bonafide elders in the community didn’t work to reach that goal; these are the people who were simply doing what they do – loving and nurturing other people in the community on a pretty big scale. With this in mind, there’s a responsibility that goes along with eldership, after all, the elder is a person who others look up to as an example/role model. An elder, though not perfect, is trusted and that trust is precious. Elders are expected to offer guidance to those coming along who’re new to the community. People really look up to elders for inspiration and encouragement. All of this can weigh pretty heavy on the shoulders, but it’s truly a cherished position to be placed in.

Sure, you ask, “Well, dang, what are the perks?!” Love and honor. There’s a flow of love and honor from the elder to the community that’s returned back to the elder. I’ve experienced and witnessed Mama Vi’s open heart, it’s just how she is – she honors the individual and gives of her heart freely. Many of us have been strengthened and encouraged by that. Oftentimes, it’s the first time some people have ever even experienced that. I do believe that part of what makes it possible for her to be that way in spite of the heartaches and hurts she’s experienced on her personal slave journey is because she’s experienced the heartaches and hurts on her personal slave journey. Such experience makes a person more empathetic to the wounds of others.

Preserving and passing on a legacy

If we live wisely and invest in life, surely there will be a legacy to preserve and pass on to those coming along behind us. Mama Vi, a collector of BDSM memorabilia and history geek turned those hobbies into The Carter-Johnson Library (along with her life-partner Jill Carter); she’s mentored slaves from all over the world; she’s planted seeds of wisdom that have sprouted, bore fruit, and reproduced; she’s instilled a sense of pride in being a slave at any age – all because she’s innately elated to receive and share (knowledge, lessons, experiences, materials, connections and so on)… She’s made an indelible mark on many hearts and has definitely earned her place in BDSM/Leather/M/s history.

Now, most of us will not live life on the same scale of Mama Vi, but the major nugget in all of this is that even after over 40 years in the Lifestyle, she’s still slavin’ and just as kinky as ever! This is why she was chosen to be the featured example for this post on aging in the Lifestyle as a slave. Yes, she’s had health challenges, no, she can’t do all the physical things she did when she was in her 20s. Yet in the grand scheme of things, none of that has diminished her ability to be a slave, to serve, and to do it all with grace and style. This is the possibility for us all, because if we live long enough, we will age. We can do it with zest or while bemoaning the passing of chronological youth… I choose zest.

A poem dedicated and presented to Mama Vi at Black B.E.A.T. 2008

The phenomena is she—

She is the Phoenix, the sun rise

Resurrecting through lifetimes

Ever protective

Eternally provocative

Invoking the ancient

A timeless inheritance

Of assistance

She is the champion of damsels in distress

–discombobulated

–aggravated

From ill-fated choices and voices

Choosing voices and choices

Invoking the ancient

A timeless inheritance

Of life’s dance

She is a spirit coursing through time

The kundalini that intertwines the spine

Unparalleled mystery unveiled

The phenomena unlike no other

Invoking the ancient

A timeless inheritance

Of intelligence

She is the intellectual warrior

Traversing the mental corridor of infinity

The destiny of a legacy is she

Invoking the ancient

A timeless inheritance

Of agape

She is the goodness of a goddess

The mythos of an enchantress

A fortress fortified

A weapon of mass instruction

The phenomena is she

Invoking the ancient

A timeless inheritance

Of Utopic bliss

She is the song of angels

A melodious symphony of harmony’s essence

Radiating a cosmic presence of

Suns, moons, and stars

Forming nebulas, galaxies, and quasars

Invoking the ancient

A timeless inheritance manifest in the flesh

She is friend, lover, and mother

Griot of kin and kith

Keeper of a treasured gift

Found in the aura of her

A soul of untold dimensions

Intentions of the purest nature

To nurture

To nourish

Embellish and quench—

The cravings of life

Invoking the ancient

A timeless inheritance

She is the phenomena, the phenomena is she.

Mama Vi Then and Now, image courtesy of Mama Vi Johnson and edited by blyss

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on July 01, 2016 07:00

Weekend Giveaway: 1 Set of Clip-in Kitty Ears and a BDSM Triskelion Pinback Button from The Mewtique (1 Winner)

This one is for all you little kitties and kitty owners out there! This week’s giveaway is for a pair of clip in kitty ears from The Mewtique on Etsy. If you are looking for a way to personalize your kitty play or kitty personality then these kitty ears are definitely worth checking out. Faete has run her Mewtique for several years and makes kitty ears, but she also has ear and tail sets, scarves, buttons and more. You’ll want to check out her entire store!

This giveaway is open internationally, however, if there are any fees or tariffs overseas you are the sole responsibility upon receipt of your items. She’s not had a problem with that so far, but just in case!

Kitty ears in black fleece

Head on over to the store and check out her kitty ears collection. The winner will get to choose any of the in stock kitty ears. She has a wide variety of fabrics and patterns so you are sure to find your personality in them! Solid colors, stripes, spots, fuzzy, fluffy, big and small. Your cat personality can shine through in these easy to clip in barrettes with ears!

She’s also got a BDSM Triskelion Pinback button set aside for the winner.

Make sure to show Faete some love on her Tumblr page, Etsy shop and Twitter account.

Would you like to win a pair of Clip-In Kitty Ears and a Pin? Just click on the graphic below and type in your email address. This giveaway ends Sunday, July 3rd at 11:59 pm, CST. One winner will be chosen and posted on this post on Tuesday.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on June 30, 2016 07:00

Ask lunaKM – Can’t Wear My Collar at Work

Dear lunaKM,

So…i am a collared submissive & wear my Ring of Steel collar 24/7, proudly.

Problem is: i work in a food service position, where jewelry is prohibited & my supervisor is threatening to take disciplinary action should i wear my collar during my next shift (despite my working while wearing it for nearly 2 years now with no issue).

i’m understandably upset by this; whilst my collar is of vast importance to me, this is my job which i the only means allowing me to contribute to household expenses. my Master has suggested several things, including calling out the more important food safety violations as well as (should worse come to worse) an alternative to my collar. As for me, no job is more significant than the ability to wear my collar, each & every day. i don’t want to remove my collar nor do i want to sacrifice my livelyhood.

i’m torn. i don’t want to remove my collar nor do i want to leave (or be fired from) my job, disappointing my Master & leaving Him 100% responsible for the entire household’s expenses.

Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated! i feel confused, lost, & saddened by this.

I can understand the attachment to your collar. I too wear a stainless steel collar and have done so for 8 years. When it was new I really did believe that the physical collar was my collar and without it I was lost and lacking. But over time, the realization was that it was simply the outward symbol of what was internalized.

Your partner’s idea to call out “more important” food safety issues isn’t going to help your case any. It’s not a rational solution to your situation.

I think you already know what the decision must be so I’m not going to sugar-coat it. It doesn’t matter that you’ve been able to wear it for 2 years, what matters is that now they are enforcing the no jewelry policy and you must adhere to it. When I worked food service wedding rings weren’t allowed either. Do you think you are more special than those that have committed themselves in marriage but had to leave their wedding rings at home? And more importantly, do you think that makes them any less married?

You mentioned that losing your job would disappoint your partner. So why are considering keeping the collar on when if you do you’ll lose your job and burden your partner and bring about his disappointment?

You have only two choices here. Take it off and keep your job, or leave it on and lose your job and disappoint and burden your partner.

And that’s what it comes down to. Yes you have emotional attachment to what the collar means, but you have to follow the rules of your job if you wish to keep it. If it were me, I’d take the collar off. Sure it will hurt, but think about a ritual you could hold when you get home to put it back on. That could become something special for the both of you. A welcome home ritual that could help you transition from a work mindset to a submissive one. Remember the physical collar isn’t actually your collar. Your collar is your commitment to serving your partner and the promise you made to them when they first put it on you.

–lunaKM

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on June 29, 2016 07:00

Book Review: Decoding Your Kink by Galen Fous MTP

I heard about Decoding Your Kink by Galen Fous MPT from Facebook. In several BDSM groups I’m in, this book was mentioned and had received positive feedback from those who read it and after seeing so many others interested in this book, my interest was piqued and decided to check it out. So I hopped right over to Amazon and picked up a copy.

I had never heard of the author before hearing of this book. So, I have to admit that made me even more curious about the book. The people who were recommending this book are people who are rather well known in the sex and kink community, so I figured that the author knew his stuff. And, he does. But before I go much further, I want to give you a little background about the author. Galen Fous, MTP has spent the past fifteen years as a sex positive sexuality counselor who has been helping individuals and couples come to terms with their sexuality and overcome past shame, fears, and trauma that these people have experienced. He’s also written several pieces that have been featured on The Good Men Project website as well as publicly active in sex positive, fetish/kink, and conscious sexuality communities since 1998.

This isn’t an introduction into BDSM book. Most of those talk about different types of play, checklists, contracts, and the rest of the usual stuff. This book is pretty much about the psychological aspect of being kinky and how society has taught people how sex is bad and to feel guilty about enjoying and embracing our kinks and the effect that society’s opinion towards sex has had on individuals. When I started reading this book, I assumed that I was picking up your average introduction to BDSM book. It was a nice surprise when I realized that wasn’t what I was reading. It was refreshing to see a book more about the psychological than the how to. As Fous talks about things, it makes the reader think about why they are drawn to their kinks, their own experiences they’ve had when fighting against societal norms, and why there’s no reason to feel guilt or shame for your sexual desires.

There are a couple of terms that Fous has coined and does use throughout the book. These did kind of throw me for a bit and are used quite often throughout the book, so it’s important to understand these words or you may find yourself a bit lost later on in the book. This did happen to me because at first I didn’t realize I would be seeing these words again at a later point.

The first word is fetishsexuality. Fous defines fetishsexuality as a representation of broad range of diverse practices, relationships, and communities within this over-arching term. The second is personal erotic myth, or PEM. Personal erotic myth is an innate, inherent, authentic sexual story or myth that is present and engaged in at some level during sex. Like any mythic tale, it contains fantasy imagery, story-lines, dialogue, props, settings, attire, personas and actions, that drive a person that has a PEM to orgasm, or other deep erotic states. It is often expressed in fetish, kink and D/s-BDSM oriented sex.

I really enjoyed reading this book. For me, I could tell that Fous poured his heart and soul into writing this book in hopes of helping other people who struggle with their sexual desires. This book is work of love. It is filled with the author’s own personal experiences and experiences of his clients. In my opinion, especially with sharing his own rocky path when dealing with being outed by his ex-wife, it helps readers know that they are not alone; that they aren’t the only ones who have had to deal with having their kink used against them and that feelings of shame and guilt can be overcome so that one can have a fulfilling sex life. While I was reading, I found myself highlighting and saving quite a few passages and feel like I have taken a lot away from this book. It gave me a lot to think about in terms of how I view and express my kinks and think more about how I feel towards them. It also helped me see how far I have come in my journey in the lifestyle, how once upon a time I was terrified to let anyone know about my kinks out of fear of rejection and also telling myself that I’m defective or a deviant for enjoying the things that I do. This isn’t a book to just skim through. To get the most of it, you need to take your time reading and processing and thinking about what you have read and how it applies to you and what steps you can do to help yourself alleviate any guilt or shame you may be feeling towards your own sexuality.

You can purchase a copy of Decoding Your Kink by Galen Faous in paperback and ebook form from Amazon today and you can visit the author’s website for more information about Fous and the book.

Product Information:

Tequila R’s Rating: 9/10

Paperback: 214 Pages

Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (November 25, 2015)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 1518659535

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on June 28, 2016 07:00

Learning to Appreciate the Small Moments – Submissive Meditation Monday

I’m devoting this Monday to meditation, reflection and devotion to submission. I hope to select topics that will get you thinking differently about some part of your life or submission and then just maybe grow a little bit further. If you have ideas for topics that might work for a Meditation Monday, please email me.

KnyghtMare and I are still working through some pretty massive stress that has impacted our dynamic and taxed our relationship. We are merely functioning in the same space some days. KnyghtMare’s long time girlfriend, Kiva, broke up with him at the end of May and he’s going through the long and painful grieving process for that relationship. Our money issues are starting to subside but now we are faced with the damage it has left behind and the long road to recovery. We have to move by the end of July because our lease is up. All of these negatives in our life and I have to force myself to appreciate the small things.

Everyone has time in their lives where things don’t feel like they are going their way at all. It can drag you down or you can search for the positive. I admit that I’ve spent several days over the past 4 months in bed because the weight of the world was just too much for me to bear that day. But when I do get out of bed, I find the small joy that will keep me going. For example, when KnyghtMare comes out of his grief shell to tell me he loves me and cares for me I store that piece of joy. When I receive a check from Subguide ads that I didn’t expect and can pay a bill, that weight is lifted and I can savor the sensation. And so it goes.

Learning to see even the small positives when your world is dim and you are struggling is not an easy task. I’m far from perfect at it, but as I learn I’m growing. I’ve maintained a gratitude log for the past month or so in my Bullet Journal to help keep me inspired and to recognize that my life isn’t filled completely with stress, anxiety and depression; we have flickers of light and they will only grow brighter in time.

You don’t have to be in such a terrible state that KnyghtMare and I are right now to appreciate the small moments in your life.

Activity

Sit down some time today and start a gratitude log. Write down at least one thing you are grateful for today. Remember it doesn’t have to be huge. If you do this on a regular basis you will learn to appreciate every tiny moment that gives you joy or a positive light in your world.

From Daisies and Storms

Appreciate ever glimmer of joy and happiness amidst the shower of negative emotions.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on June 27, 2016 07:00