Luna Carruthers's Blog, page 20

Altered Mental States

This is a guest post by Mistress Steel. It was part of her Steel’s Chamber Scrolls which is now defunct. Shared with Permission.

Venturing into the realms of Altered Mental States should be done carefully. The human mind is vulnerable to suggestion (as witnessed by the recent ‘cult’ suicides in LA). People often have an enormous desire to be ‘part’ of something greater or more important than themselves. They need to feel contributory, worthwhile, of significance. This desire or need makes them equally vulnerable to other humans who have no scruples on using their needs against them.

Within the BDSM community, there is a strong underlying foundation for voluntarily focused enthrallment. For a submissive, this state is called sub-space. It is a fundamental part of a healthy submissive to be able to access this mental state with relative ease. This predisposition toward a positive response to simple hypnotic triggers has allowed some people with questionable motives a ways and means of manipulating another human’s mind.

People often seek help from qualified and licensed hypnotists to help them with minor lifestyle problems such as overeating or smoking. These real life hypnotists are generally quite good and almost never attempt any type of mental manipulation as such non-voluntary manipulation is unethical and fundamentally wrong.

Recently through the opening of the online community some members of the BDSM community have become accessible to huge numbers of ‘unknown’ individuals. Within this group have been a small but growing number of predators. Not all human predators like to physically molest, rape or kill other humans…some like to ‘toy’ with other people’s minds. Many new or emergent submissives are vulnerable to the ‘lines’ or ‘lures’ offered by these predators. Exposure to the BDSM community often opens up huge windows inside a person. These changes, much like all type of changes in life, leave the individual groping their way along on a pathway of information seeking, education and exploration. Their formerly well known and understood ‘rules’ suddenly shift or change and quite often they do not have sufficient information to correctly identify one of these masked predators when they meet them. In many ways their defenses have not gained a level of understanding to ensure their integrity or personal safety.

There is an instinctive desire to trust. Especially if that person offers themselves in the role of Dominant and speaks to you with interest and or kindness. Often the predator is quite charming and innocuous in online appearance and demeanor. They will seek out and tell you the things you may wish to hear. It is relatively easy to be swayed into believing in them when in all likelihood they have offered nothing of substance for you to base that trust upon. Your desire is your vulnerability. Your submissive nature is a clue and key to further opportunities for them.

If you are a new or emergent submissive and any online Dominant tells you that they can take you into space or hypnotize you for any reason online or on the phone. . . know and understand that such a suggestion is a demonstration of a lack of care for your personal safety. Hypnosis is only safe when done in person. A submissive entering space is vulnerable to significant detachment from physical reality – that detachment can make them unable to rationally discern true danger! A real Dominant will never willingly risk the life and mental health of any submissive!

I have also noted a growing trend of ‘online trainers’. It is my considered opinion that such ‘training’ especially online is almost always flawed, often significantly. A large percentage of these ‘trainers’ are simply individuals who want access to submissives without taking on the responsibilities, caring and love for them that a Dominant does. Dominants train their own submissives and usually have no desire for their submissive to be ‘trained’ by someone else. How will a Dominant learn the subtle significant details of their submissive if they are not present during that training? In real life there are occasionally times when a Dominant will cross train their real life submissive with another real life Dominant or submissive. Please note that I am stating that this is real life.

Many of these online ‘trainers’ promote themselves with a long and apparently venerable ‘history’ within the community yet they quite often have extreme difficulty in finding anyone within the real life community to verify or corroborate their reputation for those submissives educated enough to ask. These ‘trainers’ tend to seek out new, vulnerable submissives to train. It is important to remember that some of these predators have learned techniques which they deploy against the submissive to encourage that submissive to fall into their traps. All new submissives should know that true mentors or trainers are actively sought within their local communities if they are of quality. These individuals are generally of high character and well regarded and are very hard to become associated with due primarily to the fact that they are kept busy in real life. You will not find them online trolling for new submissives to ‘train’ for other Dominants.

If you are or believe yourself to be a new submissive just exploring this lifestyle, that simple belief may identify you as someone relatively easy to trigger into space. Quality Dominants are very familiar with this vulnerability and will attempt to not trigger you online or on the phone. They recognize the predisposition and will actively work on your behalf to keep you safe. All submissives belong to Dominants. You are our most precious resource. Anyone that elects to injure, sway, manipulate or damage you is not one of us. Pay attention to the actions of those you encounter, if you have memory gaps, lost time, physical symptoms you know are not normal with or during contact with anyone online then exit their presence as quickly as possible and take all measures possible to eliminate all further contact with them. Keep in mind that a submissive in sub-space will instinctively trust the person who puts them there. This means that you may or can divulge credit card numbers, the names of your children, your home phone number and address as well as all other screen names and other personal information. It will seem quite ‘normal’ within space. Report the incident to other BDSM people whom you know. Predators are not welcome here!

Written by F.R.R. Mallory – also known as Mistress Steel. This article may be excerpted from Extreme Space, The Domination and Submission Handbook, Safe, Sane and Consensual, Dangerous Choices or other books by F.R.R. Mallory and shared here with her permission. Please click on the book title for information on how you can order a copy of these books and others by F.R.R. Mallory.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on September 09, 2016 07:00

Ask Anything: My Master Wants to Have Sex With Other People

Dear Submissive Guide,

Is it normal for your Master to want to play and have sex with others?

Sincerely,
Curious

Dear Curious,

I could give you the glib answer and say, “There’s no such thing as normal” but that doesn’t help you much, does it?

Do some people, Dominant or submissive, want to have open relationships where they can have multiple partners? Yes.

Are some people and relationships polyamorous? Do they invite different people or a single person into their relationship in whatever way suits them? Yes.

Is it a requirement of D/s, BDSM, or kink? No.

Does your Master need your consent first? Yes. Otherwise, it’s cheating.

Only you know how you feel about your partner playing or having sex with other people. Whatever your feelings are, they’re okay to have.

You can think it’s completely okay only in certain situations – you have to know the person, you have to know it’s happening before it happens, you want to know all the details, you have to approve of the people, etc. Likewise, you can decide that you don’t want to know anything but you can require your partner to use protection, get tested, etc. You can also hate the entire idea of it and say that if he wants to be in a relationship with you, he won’t do it.

At some point, before playing and having sex with other partners begins, there needs to be a conversation. You both have to agree to how it will work, in what situations it will or won’t happen, and whether it will happen at all. If he wants to have multiple partners and you don’t want him to, you have to decide whether your relationship will continue. There is no right or wrong answer. The only wrong answer is if your Master has sexual or kinky encounters that you’re uncomfortable with, if he lies to you about any part of it, or if he never tells you at all and once confronted about it says he can because “He’s the Master.”

Not all Dominants, Masters or otherwise, want to have multiple partners in their relationship. Some do. It’s “normal” if it’s something you both discuss, negotiate, and agree to allow into your relationship.

And if you wonder if you should, ask yourself these questions:

Do I trust my partner completely? Does my partner always tell me the truth, good or bad?

Does my partner make communication a priority? Am I left wondering what he really meant or are things clearly explained?

Do I have the freedom to express my own doubts, worries, or concerns? Will he listen to me and take my feelings into consideration?

If your answers are all a big, emphatic, without-a-doubt yes, and you’re comfortable with the idea of opening up your relationship, go for it – slowly and with a lot of communication. But if you don’t have a relationship where you feel you trust your partner and can communicate openly, there will be problems down the road.

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on September 07, 2016 07:00

The Thrill of Knife Play

“I learn in that very first instant the thrill of knife play. I have never encountered anything better able to make my body submit. Fast. As the sharp edge touches my jugular I am terrified to move a single millimeter anywhere on my body. I focus all my mental energy on keeping my physical body still, willing my planted heels to stay steady, and I feel my husband’s hot breath at my neck and his cock on my tailbone, pushing painfully into my worked body, hard as a steel rod. “

-Excerpt from Darling Discovered: A True Story of Submission

Knife play was something that started fairly early for us in our dynamic. My husband had always carried a pocketknife on his hip, every day for as long as I had known him. It was always for “McGuyver” type shit. Fixing things, taking a strand of string hanging from my hem, that kind of stuff. It shouldn’t have been surprising when it became one of our earlier tools for BDSM play. It was there. He was adept at using it. And it was scary and somehow sexy. It hit all of my Dominants sweet spots. As I documented in my book about the start of our dynamic, the thrill of knife play was so simple. When you have a knife to your skin, there are no more options: your body must submit. Don’t submit? Serious problems can be the result.

Let’s talk about knife play, what it is and what it isn’t. Knife play is often considered “edge play.” Edge play is different depending on who you ask but typically it is anything that “edges” on the line of SSC (or RACK or PRICK). Knife play runs the edge of what could be construed as safe because, well, knives. They’re inherently dangerous tools and this is play is best done with those experienced with the tool and with partners who are experienced with each other. Until you know that you can trust your partner with your life, do not engage in knife play. It is not blood play or cutting, though. The moment skin is intentionally cut or blood is intentionally let, it becomes a different thing. Knife play is quite simply playing with the knife on the surface of the skin.

So if you’re not having your skin cut (intentionally) and you’re not bleeding (intentionally), what exactly are you doing? Well, you are experiencing sensations of the knife against the skin. The knife point can be used to leave a pinprick sensation. The scraping of the blade perpendicular to the skin can leave a sensation similar to straight razor shaving. Pressure from the blade can leave you immobilized, not allowing you to move a millimeter without being cut. But all of these are Dominant techniques (Tops/Dominants, do some research! Take some classes! Practice knife play with something else like the edge of a credit card first! Be responsible!) and I want to focus on us as submissive.

What will you experience? Fear. It is quite scary to trust somebody enough to have a knife to you. Also adrenaline. It may trigger a fight or flight response so play slowly in the beginning because neither are really an option. You need to train yourself to calm down, to relax, to trust your Top. You may feel, of course, turned on. It is amazing what having your body totally submit feels like. It is like a switch is flipped and all of a sudden you are able to give up all control. That is sexy as hell (for this s-type, at least.) It may be painful. Indeed. It is, after all, a knife to you. As you may have noted in the above paragraph, I mentioned the word “intentionally” a couple times. It is pretty standard that if you do practice knife play, you will likely get nicked at some point. You may bleed from knife play. That may not be the goal, but we are imperfect people so mistakes can happen. To try and minimize, always play sober, always communicate beforehand, and if you think you cannot be still enough for your Top to continue let them know during the scene (safe words are meant to be used to communicate; the Top would be more disappointed in cutting you than in you stopping the scene).

How else can knives be used? Cutting fabric from the body is one of our favorites. You can either pre-cut clothes strategically for tearing or use the knife to cut clothes off. We also use the knife combined with other play. Love wax play? We have found no sexier way to remove the wax than a little knife scraping it off slowly. Have you tried saran wrap for immobilization/mummification? The knife in the hands of a skilled person can do amazing things cutting a person out. A knife can be used for intimidation in role playing scene as well.

The most important thing to know about knife play is that while it is a powerfully sexy tool, it is best used in the hands of an experienced person with an experienced couple. To learn more about knife play, seek out online resources and local education classes for more info; this is not intended to be an educational article for Tops about “how to,” much of that has been left for research by the other side of the slash. Be well and play risk aware.

[image error]So, submissives and bottoms, have you tried knife play? Have you had a similar experience about the body being “forced” to submit instantly? In what ways would you allow a knife into your scene? Is this a turn-off? A turn on?

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on September 06, 2016 07:00

Words as Motivation – Submissive Meditation Monday

I’m devoting this Monday to meditation, reflection and devotion to submission. I hope to select topics that will get you thinking differently about some part of your life or submission and then just maybe grow a little bit further. If you have ideas for topics that might work for a Meditation Monday, please email me.

Three months ago I encountered a quote that has inspired me in my Submissive Guide work and I’ve been applying it to my life in other ways too so I wanted to share it with you and how it has made some positive change in my life.

“No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.” – Clark Danger

What do you think? It really is an amazing quote for me and since it’s been a personal motivator for so much in my life I’ve got it written in a few places; near my computer, in my Bullet Journal and my Kink Network Record (another large journal that I track stats, write outlines and brainstorm). So, every day I feel like this quote speaks to me and continues to teach me.

I’ve learned that it’s not what I know but how I share it with the world that matters. It’s not the facts of things but my compassion for others. I’ve learned I need to feel more and be logical less. It’s really begun to make some changes in my thought process. I wish I could put it into better words. I really do.

But what about you? How can you learn from a motivational quote? For many people, they share quotes a lot because at the time it speaks to them or says something they want to say. But then, that quote gets forgotten. Even people who memorize Bible verses can learn how it might impact their life one moment and then forget it the next.

All it takes is a bit of purpose. You need to purposefully apply what you feel and learn from the inspirational words to your life. You need to make it mean something beyond the immediate head nod and Facebook share. Really let the quote speak to your situation, or how you wish to reach your goals or the way your relationship has developed. Meditate on the quote.

Quite a few of the Submissive Journal Prompts are quotes, and I get that many don’t know how to really use a quote for a prompt. I’ve seen responses that simply say if they like it or not, or how it might apply to the general sphere of BDSM or D/s but never anything with a personal connection. I challenge you to find a quote if you don’t have one already and figure out how you can apply what it’s saying to your life. Browse the Submissive Journal Prompts quotes if you’d like a lifestyle or personal growth quote to work from, but any quote will work if it pulls on your heartstrings or stirs your brain.

Do you have a quote that inspires you? Would you share it in the comments? How does it speak to you right now?

photography; George L Stein, model; Lilly Rose

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on September 05, 2016 07:00

[Freebie] 11 Questions to Ask Your Partner Who Just Came Out Kinky

Here’s the next free download! This freebie is for the vanilla partner that has just been told that their partner would like to explore something in the realm of BDSM or D/s and aren’t sure what to ask to get the answers you need to make an educated decision about your own interests. I worked to put together 11 questions every vanilla partner should ask.

If you are kinky and considering telling your partner (and you should) download this so you know what they might want to understand!

Download Now!

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on September 02, 2016 07:00

Book Review: BDSM-The Naked Truth by Dr. Charley Ferrer

fcaa0a7e8cc75be5cf6c18cec0f5717cb88624c1

I picked up BDSM – The Naked Truth by Dr. Charley Ferrer a while ago. And by a while ago, I mean since 2012. It’s been sitting at the bottom of my Kindle library and part of my reading goals this year was to read some of those books that have sat untouched for a few years. I bought this book because I’m always interested when a new introduction to BDSM book comes out. Even though I don’t need an introduction to the lifestyle, every author, while for the most part saying the same thing, has their own way of sharing that information and their own tips and tricks. This is where I’m introduced to new ideas and new ways of thinking of old ideas and I love that. I also love being able to share these books as well with Submissive Guide readers. When Dr. Charley Ferrer stated that she is one of the world’s leading experts on BDSM, I had to check out and see what she had to say about the lifestyle.

For those of you who don’t know who Dr. Ferrer is, let me give you a little bit of information about her. Dr. Ferrer is a world-renowned clinical sexologist, BDSM expert, and radio/TV talk show host and producer. She also has her own private practice in New York where she provides coaching and mentoring consultations on various aspects of sexuality including sex therapy, BDSM, and self-empowerment. She is also the founder of the BDSM Writer’s Con, which is a conference for authors, readers, and publishers of BDSM erotica.

Dr. Ferrer describes this book as not a beginner’s how to guide, but focuses more on the emotional and psychological connections that couples make with each other in a power exchange relationship, which is exactly what she covers. In the first few chapters, she covers fundamentals of BDSM, definitions of words that are frequently used throughout the life style, and the psychology behind the lifestyle as well as misconceptions. Later in the book she covers topics such as protocol, training, punishment, as well as a little detail about different types of activities that take place within a BDSM relationship such as bondage, impact play, and wax play to name a few.

I really did not enjoy reading this book. For the most part while reading, I found myself getting not just upset, but rather angry by some of the things she said and her tone throughout the book. Dr. Ferrer has this tone throughout the book of being one of those one true way individuals. That what she says is gospel and how everyone else should follow. Maybe it’s just me, but that’s how I felt reading this book. She also mentions several misconceptions in her book as fact. Not only that, but she says that people who are in full-time power exchange relationships are more serious about BDSM than those who only practice it in the bedroom. She also says that those who are in full-time relationships see those who aren’t as “kids in a candy store grabbing as many treats as they can before running back to their vanilla lives”. After reading that, I was quite ready to throw my tablet across the room. In my opinion, this completely goes against the your kink is not my kink and that’s okay. You don’t judge people based on their kinks or how they practice their kinks. That is not okay. Hearing this from someone who helps people with sexual and kink acceptance, makes me wonder just how accepting Dr. Ferrer really is of people who practice kink outside of her definitions.

Some misconceptions she mentions:

That those who are considered property aren’t allowed safewords.
That there is a belief within the community that as one grows in maturity and desire, that the individual will move on from mere play into a D/s relationship and then eventually into a M/s relationship.
Slaves are not allowed to negotiate aspects and limits within their relationship and the only limits a slave has is what is given to them by their master.
That dominants are considered wimpy for wanting to open up to their s-type
That it’s not uncommon for s-types to purposely instigate punishments.

She makes these statements and several others as if these things happen in all relationships and as we all know, every relationship is different and based upon what the parties involved want from and out of the relationship. Making sweeping generalizations such as these just continue to feed stereotypes and misconceptions that people have about the lifestyle.

Two things she does mention in the book that I liked is something she says about power exchange and the stigma that a lot of female dominants and male submissives have to deal with.

Dr. Ferrer mentions early in the book that power exchange is at the heart of all BDSM interactions and this passage got me thinking about how true that is. Whether the individuals are involved in a full-time relationship or bedroom only, there is always a power exchange happening. Reading this line made me realize that pretty much everything that everything that we do, power exchange is the basis for that.

She also throughout the later chapters in the book, she mentions stigmas that both female dominants and male submissives face. The reason why I like that she did this is because while people may not think about it, both female dominants and male submissives tend to have a harder time in the lifestyle. There are male dominants out there, as well as female s-types who look down on this type of relationship, which in my opinion is sad. Talking about this subject makes people aware that there are prejudices in the lifestyle, especially towards those who don’t fit the typical male dominant/female s-type mold.

Overall, I would not recommend this book for reading. I found too many things I disagreed with and feel like the tone of the book isn’t at all friendly. I feel there are a lot of other books out there that are worth your money and energy.

You can learn more about Dr. Charley Ferrer at her website and you can purchase a copy of BDSM The Naked Truth at Barnes and Noble and Amazon.

Tequila R’s Rating: 1 out of 10

Publisher: Institute of Pleasure (October 1, 2011)

Paperback: 228 Pages

Language: English

ISBN-10: 0977006344

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on August 30, 2016 07:00

Born Again into Kink: Discovering Kink at Middle Age

From the Submissive Guide Newsletter 5/28/16

This is a guest post by Mistress Steel. It was part of her Steel’s Chamber Scrolls which is now defunct. Shared with Permission.

Dear Mistress,

. . . One in particular that often bothers me, the impact of the Internet on the lifestyle or the type of people who suddenly “found themselves ” at the ripe age of 40 . I wonder why a persons sexual makeup only came out now ? How could you not know you were different growing up ?

BORN AGAIN ~

Over the past several years I have become more and more interested in answering this particular question. There are several surface answers which appear valid yet fail to address what I feel inside to be the fuller truth. It can be shown that the advent of the Internet has reverberated as a ‘burst’ or explosion of interest in the S/m community although this is most often vocalized under the auspices of Domination and submission rather than BDSM. I do not see this ‘burst’ of interest as limited to exploration of S/m but see evidence that this ‘burst’ has occurred across many fields of study and interest, so to that extent this appears to fall within the normal range of experience as information simply became more readily available to people (at large) as the Information Super Highway opened up. Some people speculate that the Internet has served to ‘create’ this interest and that as fast as it arrived it will dissipate. This concept is based on the idea that the ‘need’ for knowledge and information will become glutted, finally sating the individual wherein they will revert to their ‘normal’ framework and begin to distance themselves from the ‘playground’. This does appear to be a reasonable concept as many of the people who initially were ‘captivated’ by the mystery of BDSM have since pulled back to live their lives in almost the same manner as they did prior to exploring BDSM. This also appears to be consistent with the exploration of other curiosities made accessible or cyber interactive via this media. The most visible of these would be the explosion in UFO, alternative and conspiracy materials and websites. However, since each of these is a different arena I have hesitated to sweep all into the same box and label it ‘Internet Phenomenon’.

Taken separately D/s, S/m, BDSM deal with interpersonal relationships on the most intimate levels. Unlike an interest in a particular ‘idea’ such as the existence of aliens, involvement in S/m includes interaction involving the activities in a persons real life existence, thereby taking this ‘interest’ out of the little white box safety of the Internet or outside of a mental debate and places it inside the intimate physical, emotional, mental and spiritual relationships of the individual.

So, although there are similarities, these are not sufficient to explain what is happening.

At the moment I am in the process of collecting historical data on ‘emergence’ based on those people who ‘found themselves’ prior to the existence of the Internet as a factor. Based purely on my limited personal experience I have noted the existence of people younger than 35-40 (including myself and my late husband) within the community before that point, however, in my personal recollection I still remember a predominance of ‘mid-life’ people who were a statistically higher number in comparison to youthful ‘active’ and senior ‘active’. This on the surface would appear to ‘echo’ the current phenomenon regardless of the intervention of the Internet.

Recently I received part of the UNICEF survey related to birth control world-wide. This study appears to have been oriented primarily at women with some surprising findings. Those women given a ‘freedom’ to partake of birth control appear to have elected to do so, with the birth rate falling (not really surprising to me) This reduction in child-birth or dependency if coupled to an opportunity for the woman to further her potential independent earnings (such as through education) reflected a choice by the woman to limit reproduction to a single child or two children. In addition these women elected to have a child later in life when their independent finances were more established. Further it was noted that given this expansion of choices that a majority of the women selected one mate to have children with. Then moved to select a different mate during mid-life (to share interests with) and further to select a third mate to (age with). These separations of ‘childbearing age’, ‘mid-life age’ and ‘old-age’ were surprising given the pre-existence of ‘norm’ being a single mate throughout a woman’s life, this being offered historically as the ‘preferred woman’s choice’. The survey further explored how the number of children produced appeared to alter or destroy this choice process. If more than two children were created then the woman was much more likely to stay with originator mate. If 4 or more children were created then the likelihood of remaining with the ‘originator mate’ increased to 97%. (Please refer to UNICEF for the actual statistical numbers).

Although the material I reviewed did not contain the same type of survey of men I have since reading that material inquired of men who I know who are mid-life to old-age and asked them of their feelings on this ‘pattern’. Most of the men I spoke with appeared to feel a ‘kinship’ to the three mate lifetime concept, versus the ‘single mate norm’. As I do not have any statistical data on this I cannot offer this as anything more than initial or anecdotal.

To some extent I believe that ‘child-bearing years’ contain a type of setting in the mind that compels the individual into a pattern of ‘conformity to standard’, which may be a control tool (control of reproduction – control the population). This inhibition or setting appears to become inactive when the individual exits prime child bearing years. As this inhibition fades the individual appears to reclaim interests which existed prior to ‘child bearing’ and return to explorations that had lain relatively dormant during those years. Some might choose to believe that this is a natural outgrown of ‘maturing’ but I do not believe that this is entirely so, in my experience if a person who has reached this point ‘becomes’ ‘child bearing active’ again then they will ‘revert’ to the same blockaded position, or seek to perform to community standard once more (or at least to some degree). Those who ‘emerge’ prior to the full growth of their children tend to express deep conflicting feelings or the sense of being torn between ‘standard’ and this further ‘need’ to seek out their personal ‘truth’. It is of interest that many people feel their ‘young life’ to have been incomplete in many crucial ways. The choice to live in a state of feeling unfulfilled appears to me to be unnatural or imposed. Many people seek to escape this state as soon as possible, however they often merely change partners and continue the same difficulties during that ‘youthful’ period of years.

Mid-life is that point where the individual completes their duty toward childbearing often becoming the first opportunity to be ‘without’ primary responsibilities. In addition as a more seasoned adult the individual is more able to ‘know’ or be direct in what they want at that point, they become ‘able’ to articulate what they want and need. Many people want to reclaim their ability to play! They may also become less vulnerable to criticism, or community censure as their ‘self’ is now firmly established.

Written by F.R.R. Mallory – also known as Mistress Steel. This article may be excerpted from Extreme Space, The Domination and Submission Handbook, Safe, Sane and Consensual, Dangerous Choices or other books by F.R.R. Mallory and shared here with her permission. Please click on the book title for information on how you can order a copy of these books and others by F.R.R. Mallory.

Related Posts:
kinky/" title="[Freebie] 11 Questions to Ask Your Partner Who Just Came Out Kinky">[Freebie] 11 Questions to Ask Your Partner Who Just Came Out Kinky
On Multiple Dominants
Submissive Myths: Submission is a Result of Childhood Abuse
Beyond Limits: The Illusion of Safety
Submissive vs. Slave

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on August 29, 2016 07:00

On Multiple Dominants

This is a guest post by Mistress Steel. It was part of her Steel’s Chamber Scrolls which is now defunct. Shared with Permission.

There is an almost universal level of acceptance for the ‘idea’ of one man or ‘Dominant’ having many or multiple partners or submissives. Such a Dominant may be considered to have prowess, charisma, strength and independence from the expectation of singular commitment. There is a measure of esteem attached to this Dominants ability to maintain a level of detachment. To some extent that ‘detachment’ makes that Dominant more ‘desirable’ in the eyes of others. A mystique may form which may create a desire to ‘capture’ or catch the attention and/or commitment of this Dominant. There is enticement in the mystery and challenge that this Dominant represents. Often a new Dominant will go through a ‘phase’ or period of time where they are captivated by the buffet of choices presented to them and the removal of judgment for making choices in opposition to those imposed by society.

What is less visible but equally common is the identical phenomenon within submissives. Many submissives discover the ‘identity’ of this lifestyle while ‘surfing’ on the Internet. A large percentage of these submissives are married with children, mortgages, car payments and long term if rather boring careers. With many of these submissives, their marriage has developed a flat or pallid flavor. Contact or communication with their spouse may be terse or directed from a defensive position. The excitement is gone. The level of attention they may have once been shown has disappeared. They, the hope-filled youth with starry eyes, is abandoned.

A large percentage of these submissives have suffered a loss of hope which may have manifested in expressions of personal neglect. It is common for many of them to allow their physical appearance to diminish usually through overeating and the withdrawal from daily exercise. From the inside, the submissive may simply feel a gnawing hole inside of them. It aches from the beginning of time to the ends of forever. The food gives them a minor fix, a temporary sensation of completion. (Addictive or fixated obsessions with food, alcohol, cigarettes, drugs and many other types of collecting habits are commonplace). Then that sensation flees and they are left trapped in a cycle of increasing ego and self-esteem problems.

Submissives tend to be goal driven. The marriage presented a panorama of challenges, choices, and goals in the beginning. Everything was possible. Then events occurred which burnished the shine off of the apple to reveal the bruises and rottenness at the core. The fantasy is over, the promise or dreams unfulfilled, the need remains. A hunger so vast that at times it overwhelms the submissive. Depression is familiar. Pain a twist in the heart. With the loss of the promise, the submissive loses their ‘goal’. Often they replace a portion of their need for attention by creating a secondary goal, a job or career in which they can excel to the point of commendation from others. But it is a hollow shadow of what their insides tell them is possible. It addresses some of the needs of their ‘outer or public’ persona but does little or nothing for their inner persona who remains alone and lonely in their most intimate of places.

By the time many of these submissives ‘find’ the D/s lifestyle their marriage is flourishing in name only. They wander along one day and before them appears a new world. A world where the promise is openly considered, where their need is stripped from its hidden place to be worn proudly around the necks of others. The hunger which has burned within for sometimes decades flares brightly into a roaring flame.

Often, this submissives ‘need’ is so intense that they will fill every available waking moment on-line ‘feeding’. Within a few short weeks, they become adept at creating multiple names which they use to seduce or attract the attention of many different people at once. They hide this duplicity. The Dominants they attract desire individual focused attention. There appears to be no acceptable place to express the truth of their multiple Dominants. Often they will desire NO long term commitment or dedicated restrictions. Why? They have just found the buffet that can address their ancient hunger, why should they stand there and not indulge themselves?

As a ‘submissive’ they are expected to have only one ‘special’ Dominant. They are told they must give over their trust and expectations into the care of this single Dominant. But, within their very fresh memory is the tractable path of where that choice led them in the past One Dominant increases the risk of failure of the need to be met. Many submissives note the inequality of how this desire to have numerous partners is viewed and silently resent it.

In addition, many submissives discover that their on-line Dominant contacts have only limited amounts of time to give to them. So, the submissive takes ‘several’ Dominants. Since this appears to be ‘unacceptable’ submissive conduct the submissive chooses to hide their actions.

The desire to ‘feed’ at the buffet occurs almost equally between new Dominants and submissives. The decision to evade long term commitment often spans several years before the Dominant and submissive discover the need for a deeper fulfillment that simply cannot be addressed through casual bondings.

The decision to abstain from commitment should not bring censure upon the individual if that person is honest in expressing that fact to those they interact with. The desire to judge the decisions of other people by self-created standards of ‘new acceptable rules’ merely creates further limitations and isolation or polarity within the community.

Written by F.R.R. Mallory – also known as Mistress Steel. This article may be excerpted from Extreme Space, The Domination and Submission Handbook, Safe, Sane and Consensual, Dangerous Choices or other books by F.R.R. Mallory and shared here with her permission. Please click on the book title for information on how you can order a copy of these books and others by F.R.R. Mallory.

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on August 26, 2016 07:00

Weekend Giveaway: $30 Gift Card from Paddles & Pleasures on Etsy.com (1 Winner)

This weekend’s giveaway marks the end of this year’s Annual Summer Giveaway Series and it is a great one! If you are looking for a new spanking implement and love handcrafted paddles, then this is a prize you can’t pass up! Paddles & Pleasures on Etsy is offering up a $30 gift card to use at their shop to one lucky winner! You will be able to select the perfect new toy for your bag.

Here’s what Randall says about his lovely shop and paddles:
I am a maker, driven to create, to make instruments, devices which have a purpose yet still must have their own unique beauty. My paddles are an aid to communication, to the transfer of passion and intent. They are crafted to provide a wealth of variations in application and most importantly to do so with control and precision.

Here on PaddlesandPleasures you will find my wood children waiting for you to choose the one (or the many) that speak to you. I work in many different kinds of wood, both domestic and exotic, soft and hard wood. I pick every piece of material with an eye as to how its color, density, and grain pattern will be best served in the making of beautiful, balanced items, which can then serve the desires of you, its owner.

I have been making paddles and canes for over a decade, first for use by and on me, then as gifts, then selling them. Sometimes I am fortunate enough to get to visit with one or more of the items I placed in someone’s hands so many years ago, and its truly a pleasure to hear they are still loved and playing hard and well, and that they still look fabulous!

Would you like to win a $30 gift card from Paddles & Pleasures? Just click on the graphic below and type in your email address. This giveaway ends Sunday, August 28th at 11:59 pm, CST. One winner will be chosen and posted on this post on Tuesday.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on August 25, 2016 07:00

Simply Service e-Zine: August 2005

We’re back again this month with another look back at a resource from the past. Remember, much of the content of these newsletters is still relevant today so take some time to read it!

From the newsletter’s description;

Current contributors are all slave or submissive identified, and in real time relationships where obedience and service are necessary, valued skills, achieved over time. I have been fortunate enough to meet these lovely people all over the country, and have delighted in great conversations, where we sometimes agree, and sometimes disagree, but are bound by a mutual respect of each other’s choices. Occasionally, words from the “other side” might be included as well, as many perspectives will be represented.

On to the August edition of Simply Service, produced by Bootpig all the way back in 2005.

August 2005

Download Now!

Grace in Service by Linda ‘BootPig’ Hall
Being Transparent for Daddy by slaveboi carlie
Aromatherapy Uses in Service by Tante Jen
Working with Speech Protocols by slave a
Rule of St Benedict Notes for use in Master/slave or service relationships by slave jean
Our Readers Write!
Consideration 101 by sazmira

Related Posts:
Simply Service e-Zine: January 2005
Simply Service e-Zine: July 2005
Simply Service e-Zine: February 2005
The Return of the Simply Service Newsletter
Simply Service e-Zine: June 2005

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on August 24, 2016 07:00