Barry Parham's Blog: The Mooncalf Communion, page 56
August 24, 2011
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Tonight! On an all-new "Extreme Babysitting!"
Miami Claims Progress With Unique Traffic Control Solution
Desperate for his own bike, Billy learns to negotiate
FRUSTRATED MALIBU PRECINCT CRACKS DOWN ON GRAFFITI
Students always dreaded the "speed drills" at Abbu's School of Valet Parking
Reviews were mixed for "Harry Potter & the Other Turret"
"Look. Either I get to play Fidel, or I take my tank and go home."
Due to a garbled communication, the Pentagon invaded Sesame Street
The new Ford F-151 can tow this entire tank! And it has a basket and a bell!
My parents went to Libya and all I got was this lousy armored vehicle
August 18, 2011
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I know it's early, but you guys got any of those little Twix bars down there?
Right. Martha's Vineyard, August. But money's tight. Whaddaya got in the $50,000-a-week range?
Well, I didn't READ the thing, but from what I could tell, it was about this thick.
I don't know what else to tell ya. Biden swears he saw a GOP squirrel.
Look, you idiot. I said blue STATES, not blue ESTATES!
Yeah, whatever. Just tell me when you've retrieved the nuclear football. My "spotter" will take it from there.
Michele, give me a break. I don't use interns, and I don't even LIKE pizza.
Yes. Yes! He's been in here "bonding" for hours! And he's about to start moonwalking again!
Correct. Great big honkin' desk, and nothing to work on. So maybe you could scare up some of those arcade ice hockey things?
Hey, Rahm! That Texan, Perry? Call Stimpy and the Gimp. Tone 5-X-5-August. And look – I never called. Capiche?
Maintenance. Get up here. My knee's stuck to the desk again.
June 22, 2011
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ESPN Unveils Promising Off-Season Serial – "Extreme Dentistry"
Suddenly, stiffing the espresso waiter seemed like a really bad idea.
Facing flagging recruitment numbers, NAMBLA resorts to coercion
"Honestly, Mr. Johnson, I'd love to throw in the floor mats, but I'll need to run it by the Sales Manager."
Tonight! On an all-new "Dancing With The Network Homicidal Maniacs!"
Love-Struck MSNBC Reporter Snaps; Proposes To Barack Obama
"Okay, okay, I take it back! You're not a latent ANYTHING!"
Reviews were mixed for "Die Hard XXVI: Live Free Or Die Among Discount Deck Furniture"
I know they were reenacting a crime. I'm just not sure WHICH crime.
Men's Warehouse: You're gonna like the way you look. Or I'll kill you.
February 17, 2011
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When Hair Gel Addiction Goes Bad
Suddenly, the county fair judges realized that this was a very unusual cow.
Backstage at the Grammy's, Britney Spears adds the final touch to her tasteful evening attire
Poultry Recidivism On The Rise, Says New Crime Report
"This just in: according to MSNBC, Sarah Palin has killed another defenseless mousse."
In a timeless, oft-repeated maneuver, the nervous teen approached his prom date with the corsage.
After PETA banned the use of rats, the medical lab really had little choice.
"Heck, I can't tell," mumbled the bachelor, standing at his fridge. "Smell this."
Sadly, it turned out to be true. Chicken abuse was, in fact, running rampant down at the old McDonald place.
"I now pronounce you man and…ah…um…I now pronounce you married."
February 3, 2011
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After decades of Botox side-effects, Nancy Pelosi finally demanded a refund.
Things always got a little tense at the Old Toons Home whenever the retirees heard that familiar whisper: "Be vewwy vewwy qwiet…"
Fortunately, the Grimms reworked their first draft, "The Pied Redneck of Hamelin."
Reviews were mixed for Bruce Willis's 48th sequel: "Rode Hard."
"Not Alamo, you idiot, " snapped the concierge. "A la mode! Apple pie a la MODE! Nobody orders Apple Pie AlaMO!"
Rebublican Party Counters White House Slogan, Unveils New "Winning the Past" Campaign
"Back off, you," barked the South Miami Neighborhood Watch volunteer, "or I swear, I'll gum you to death!"
Sales Skyrocket For Hillary Aide Tell-All: "It Takes A Village Idiot"
Wal-Mart Greeter Cited In "Ten-Items-Or-Less" Confrontation
"You can have my cold, dead fingers when you pry them from my gun!"
Great Moments In Literature: Captain Ahab Flushes The Great White Quail
"Well, Alex, I reckon I'll take 'Syllogisms in Theoretical Quantum Mechanics' for two hunnerd."
As the Union troops poured over the hilltop, Cappy girded his one remaining loin.
"Okay, forget that 'I never met a man' quip. There was this ONE guy," admitted Will Rogers.
February 2, 2011
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Records crowds swarmed the auditions for "Bangor's Got Talent"
Recount Election Stalls Amid Charges of White Panther Voter Intimidation
Market Continues To Suffer From Igloo Foreclosure Crisis
Impatient Holiday Shoppers Nearly Freeze To Death At Chicago Wal-Mart
"Forget the cheese," chanted the protestors. "Bring on the government carrots!"
Tonight on Nat-Geo! The Amazing Migration Of Really, Really Slow Emperor Penguins
Thousands Gather For Palin-Moose Cage Match
"Just humor him," muttered the agent at Bob Hope's final USO tour.
Reviews were mixed for Star Wars II: Attack Of The Melting Clones
Al Sharpton Denounces Secret Militia Factory That Makes White People
Residents Celebrate As Guinness Confirms "Nudist Line-Dancing" World Record
As the irony sunk in, the Global Warming Conference in Miami ended with a whimper.
"Billy! Remove those straws from your sister's head right this minute!"
Ultimately, illegal aliens became a problem along our Northern border, too.
January 19, 2011
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Questionable Headache Remedy Discovered In Health-Care Bill
Planned Parenthood Announces Radical New Birth Control Technique
"Gumm gumm, miko ah ah!" remarked the island king, as visiting Secretary of State Clinton's aides briskly searched their phrasebooks.
History tells us little about Lady Gaga's first album, "Narcissus and Laquisha"
Nobody was much surprised when the notorious Cheshire Cat Burglar copped an insanity plea.
Tonight! On an all-new Corrective Dentistry!
Man Survives Head-On Collision With Pier 1 Imports Truck
Obviously, the shaman had been nipping the ceremonial berry juice again.
Reviews were mixed for ESPN's debut of low-impact hockey
Stranded Naturalists Discover World's Ugliest Gourd
January 5, 2011
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1957: The Debut Album by The Rolling Gall Stones
Fashion World Weeps At Latest 'Retro' Outbreak
Future Farmers of America Announce Radical New "Hands On" Recruiting Drive
The Early Beatles. No, seriously. Very Early. The Really, Really Early Beatles.
Judges were hard-pressed during the final round of "America's Most Boring White Guys"
"So it's true," gasped the therapist. "She does arrange her children by height!"
Attendance was a bit off at this year's Shop Teachers Reunion
Unfortunately, nobody at the revival appreciated the irony underlying the yellow stencil
Reviews were mixed for the latest CD from Mervin & The Molesters
After they reached Iowa, history tells us precious little about the Siamese Quadruplets
"You're gonna hate the way you look. I guarantee it."
Parham Accepted To Independent Author Network (IAN)
5 January 2010
Barry Parham has been accepted as a featured author in the Independent Author Network.
Barry Parham – The Independent Author Network
The Independent Author Network is a group of like minded authors who are self published or published by a small indie press. The group is open to authors who are active social networkers at sites like Twitter, facebook, and LinkedIn etc. The members share info, ideas, and experiences from self publishing and promotion.
January 4, 2011
Book Signing/Readings @ GCT
Book Signing/Readings @ Greenwood Community Theatre
