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After decades of Botox side-effects, Nancy Pelosi finally demanded a refund.
Things always got a little tense at the Old Toons Home whenever the retirees heard that familiar whisper: "Be vewwy vewwy qwiet…"
Fortunately, the Grimms reworked their first draft, "The Pied Redneck of Hamelin."
Reviews were mixed for Bruce Willis's 48th sequel: "Rode Hard."
"Not Alamo, you idiot, " snapped the concierge. "A la mode! Apple pie a la MODE! Nobody orders Apple Pie AlaMO!"
Rebublican Party Counters White House Slogan, Unveils New "Winning the Past" Campaign
"Back off, you," barked the South Miami Neighborhood Watch volunteer, "or I swear, I'll gum you to death!"
Sales Skyrocket For Hillary Aide Tell-All: "It Takes A Village Idiot"
Wal-Mart Greeter Cited In "Ten-Items-Or-Less" Confrontation
"You can have my cold, dead fingers when you pry them from my gun!"
Great Moments In Literature: Captain Ahab Flushes The Great White Quail
"Well, Alex, I reckon I'll take 'Syllogisms in Theoretical Quantum Mechanics' for two hunnerd."
As the Union troops poured over the hilltop, Cappy girded his one remaining loin.
"Okay, forget that 'I never met a man' quip. There was this ONE guy," admitted Will Rogers.