Barry Parham's Blog: The Mooncalf Communion, page 59

2010-03-18

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Flagging Economy Blamed For Boom In Smaller Swimming PoolsFriends tearfully recalled his last words: "Hey, y'all – watch this!"OSHA Seeking Volunteers To Test New Safety HelmetObama Points To Yet Another Victim Of Insufficient Health InsuranceIntelligence Agency Experimenting With New Interrogation TechniquesGeraldo doggedly continued to search for Jimmy HoffaArchaeological Dig Confirms Existence Of Jurassic Rock Lobster"Man. 72 virgins ain't worth this," mumbled the kneeling...

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New Airport Security Screening Technique Meets With Mixed ReviewsHistory tells us little about Richard Simmons' motherNew Jersey Citizens Outraged As Parking Meter Prices Continue To RiseFlorida Retirement Village Adds Tai Chi To Benefits Package"What is this…is this a RUN? I just BOUGHT these supp-hose!"Decades later, the White House Intern thought her security pass might still workIngrid gets loosened up for the first-ever Golden Olympics"No, not an ankle: a nickel," sighed the telephone...

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Despite his physical (and mental) health issues, Grandpa insisted on walking the 'dog'A desperate, but optimistic, Willy Loman hits the suburban streets with his new lawnmowerNew Airport Security Guidelines Address 'Carry-On Mammal' RestrictionsAs they walked right past the police cordon, they realized their clever getaway scheme had workedFortunately, border officials were already on the lookout for drug mulesASPCA Adopt-A-Pet program a big hit among aging widowersBrazilian Olympic...

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It was hard to tell which mammal was most embarrassedOfficially, the White House had no comment on Joe Biden's legendary Amtrak commutesBudget Cuts Finally Hit Centuries-Old British Racing CircuitFraternity Pranks Out-Of-Hand, Vet School Proctor DeclaresFaced with flagging attendance, the Florida 4-H Club experimented with new tacticsCongress Approves Funding For New Beltway Transportation SystemAs the rains intensified, Noah's sons did their bestHistory tells us little about John Wayne's...

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Quickly scanning the room, Kirk and Spock realized that they had materialized into the wrong decadeThe family blithely ignored the frisky young couple on the floorPost-Christmas Gift-Opening Depression On The RiseWhen Susie brought Sally home to meet the family, they quite frankly didn't know how to respondAs it turned out, everyone at the reunion had nibbled at the hashish brownies"Well, we done decorated the tree. Now whatchall reckon we oughter do?"Trying to be polite, they waited for...

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Sadly, the housewife was unable to control her "Deal of the Day" eBay addiction"And this one, I bagged on an Eastern European mission trip."Yes, it was over-the-top, but it sure helped the orthodontist close a few dealsThe brick-mason took drastic steps to protect his handiworkDespite Gandalf's warning, Gondor got cocky and displayed the head of SauronHistory tells us little about Stephen King's childhood bedroomThe uneasy tourist was invited to join in a friendly pub game of Transylvanian...

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The Vegas audience went wild as the tiny illusionist appeared to saw the car in halfThe police presence was quite visible – nobody wanted another botched prison transferGary Coleman To Play 'Tiny Tim' In Bizarre 'A Christmas Carol' RemakeReviews were mixed for 'Planet of the Apes XX: A Glitch In The Time Machine'Fans breathlessly awaited NBC's next candidate to host 'The Tonight Show'As the Miami Tea Party geared up, the pre-human rights activist grabbed his placardOne has to wonder, then...

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Radical Liposuction Technique Sweeping HollywoodFinding himself without any leeches, the medieval barber had to improviseFacing flagging support for waterboarding, the agency unveiled alternative interrogation techniquesSome Dogs Smarter Than Others, Research RevealsTurns out that page 1,414 of the Government Health Care Bill had a few unsettling surprisesPETA Strongly Opposed To Dior's Haute Couture 'Finger Mittens'Congress Announces New House-Pet Welfare InitiativeWitness Protection...

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Box Office Receipts Quickly Waning For 'Driving Mister Daisy'Disney Debuts New Magnetic Monorail ServiceThough they hadn't seen a violent crime in decades, the small-town's Sheriff was surprisingly quick to respondIn the final lap, the crowd roared as Richard Petty Sr. made his moveJim Bob grabbed the truck's door handle, grinned sadistically, and drawled, "Hey, y'all. Watch this…"Tonight! On an all-new 'Flash Gordon Goes Senile!'Obama's 'bullet train' proposal rejected by bipartisan...