Betty Dodson's Blog, page 23

How Do I Not Fall in Love With an Amazing Lover?

Dear Dr. Betty,

First of all, thank you so much for everything you do! This website has helped me so much in liberating myself from society's norms and expectations in terms of my sexuality and needs, though it's still a challenge sometimes. My favorite part in this adventure was buying myself a wand. (Giggle!)

In order to find sexual satisfaction, I had to go outside my marriage. My soon-to-be ex-husband is too selfish and insecure in bed so I'm moving on.

I found a man that is open sexually to my fantasies and truly excites me. My body comes alive when I'm with him. But I'm in unchartered territory and I need your help please:

We Suggest: 


"Sex Should be Viewed as an Expression of Love"

"The Love Between Two Women...It Is In a Way Self-Love"

How Do I Put Together a Threesome for My Boyfriend's Bday?

Amelia Earhart Had an Open Relationship

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I Don't Have a Clitoris

Dear Dr. Betty,

Hello, I've only now discovered your awesome website and it's already helped me. But there is one thing that I cannot fathom. I do not have a clitoris, I have examined myself the proper way, with a stand alone mirror, two hands and a lamp, but there's nothing there! I don't even have a hood. There's just NOTHING! Is there something wrong with me? I feel so ashamed that I have been avoiding getting into a relationship because I couldn't face the humiliation. Is there some surgery I could get? Please help me.

I cannot masturbate, the only way I feel any type of sexual pleasure is if I press against my vaginal area and move it around. I feel so embarrassed. Can you help me?

Dear H,

We Suggest: 


All Women can Orgasm if Clitoris & Erectile Tissue are Effectively Stimulated

Awakening the Clitoris

First Time Orgasm

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Is it Normal to Bleed After Penetration?

I had sex for the first time and I have a few questions.

He tried to please me, I found it surprising how willing he was at going down on me. In my head guys usually don't like that. He was unexperienced, knew where things were, but not too experienced. He seemed like he really wanted to stimulate the g-spot. I havd never on my own experienced one of those orgasms, my hand usually gives up way before getting there. And it doesn't feel all that great, the clitoris is a lot more sensitive.

I alwas orgasm from masturbation and clitorial stimulation. I like it quick and easy, and I am fairly certain that I am having tension orgasms. They feel too good to really take the time to find other deeper but harder to achieve orgasms, but I only discovered orgasms 2,5 years ago. So

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Bleeding After Penetration

Do All Women Bleed The First Time They Have Sex?

Is It Normal To Have Abdominal Pain After Sex & Bleed After Fingering?

Examples of Unbroken Hymens

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She Just Lies There in Bed

Dear Dr. Betty,

I've been married for over a decade. My wife was more risqué prior to our marriage. She has only performed fellatio twice, once before, and once after our nuptials - when she was drunk. Several years into our marriage she started getting restrictive about times for sex, and so it became perfunctory and infrequent. I abandoned the idea for 5-6 years that sex could be satisfying. Our marriage became virtually sexless.

We Suggest: 


Sexual Incompatibility and Communication Before Breaking Up

It's Not Low Libido. It's Sexual Boredom

I Want to Become a More Sexual Woman

"Masturbation Is Not New to Me. Empowered Masturbation Is"

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Ready to Have an Orgasm with a Partner. How Do I Make This Work?

Hi Betty,

So, I have been sexually active since I was 15 (I am 24 now) and have never had an orgasm with another person - vaginal or clitoral. I can pretty easily have a clitoral orgasm on my own (been doing so since I was 15 also), and I've masturbated with dildo penetration, felt close to a vaginal orgasm (got extremely wet, felt like I was going to pee, etc.) but there was no release there.

I have had many sexual partners, and no orgasms whatsoever. I don't think this is due to their performance, but rather my own blocked/repressed emotions. The orgasms from clitoral masturbation come from fantasies unrelated to sex, so that I feel like orgasming from sex with someone I love is an entirely different world of pleasure that I could never experience.

We Suggest: 


What is a Combination Orgasm?

A Woman's Erection Needs 20-30 Minutes of Adequate Clitoral Stimulation

Betty's Rock 'n Roll Orgasm Technique

Female Ejaculation Letters

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Is There Any Way to Control My Sexual Desires or Calm My Mind?

Dear Dr. Betty,

Ever since I was young I always liked to touch on my body or look at myself in mirrors. Around the age of 9, I started having fantasies about females masturbating and stuff and when I woke up my hand would be in my pants on my clit. I'm 20 now and still have these dreams or get aroused by the dreams but now I wake up with my fingers actually inside me.

Sometimes I could be awake and think about it and become wet in my vaginal area just from the thoughts. Is there a problem with me or is it normal for some? I got a feeling that my body or maybe me in general may just be attracted to women or their bodies but I'm not sure how to know.

I just want to know is there a way to control my sexual desires or calm my mind?

Dear N,

We Suggest: 


I'm a Woman Who Fantasizes and Wants to Stop

How Can I Stop My Fantasies?

Does Fantasizing About Women Make Me Gay?

Does Masturbating Frequently Cause Arousal Issues?

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How Long Does it Take a Woman to Orgasm?

Dr. Betty,

How long does it generally take a woman to orgasm? Time and time again, I hear guys say that their other girlfriends climaxed within 5 to 10 mins of sexual intercourse. I've heard that it can take between 30 minutes or up to 40 to 60 mins for a woman to give her body time to build up to a satisfying orgasm. Is that true?

If it is, why were I and others not taught this valuable information in our sex ed class in school? Who creates the curriculum for sex ed classes? I don't remember learning any valuable information about the female sexual response. It was centered around how males have sex, how to not get pregnant, and how guys ejaculate.

Do you think American schools will ever have sex education classes in public schools that actually teach about female sexuality?

We Suggest: 


I Feel Self Conscious About How Long It Takes Me to Orgasm

"Before I Knew It, I was About to Have an Orgasm"

"I Had the Best Orgasm of My Life"

We Enjoy Three Types of Orgasm

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An Excerpt From The Orgasm Rebellion

Une_leçon_clinique_à_la_Salpêtrière.jpg

"The Orgasm Rebellion" is a humorous book describing in delicious detail how women were treated for what was called "Hysteria" in 1899 (today women still struggle to orgasm from PIV sex but now we can learn to orgasm with our own vibrators). I asked the author, Frank Lingo, if we could share an excerpt from his book.

Here is Frieda's story:

Frieda Funk, Ida’s young sister-in-law, slunk down the tree- lined street, glancing furtively around to see if anyone could see her. No one was about, so the tall, slim woman wearing a black dress with a bustle and a big black hat covering her blond hair, clomped her high heels up the steps to the doctor’s house.

We Suggest: 


Fantasize I'm a Victorian Woman Being Treated for Hysteria

Hysteria - The Movie

Hysteria: Hand Jobs by Appointment

Betty Reintroducing the Electric Vibrator as a Pleasure Device

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My Masturbation Technique is Killing My Back

Dear Betty,

Can you re-learn masturbation technique? I suffer from PGAD, which I control by masturbating when the symptoms become untolerable, so I absolutely rely on being able to having a masturbation session a couple of times a week. This is hard getting the time for in itself as I am a working married mum.

We Suggest: 


How Can I Transition From Pressure Orgasms?

Betty's Rock 'n Roll Orgasm Technique

Awakening the Clitoris

read more

Penetration is the Bane of My Existence

Hi Betty,

I need help, I'm finally with a partner I enjoy, but he's super huge and I'm not so much. I also suffer from vaginsmus, since my first time was very traumatic. He tried to put it in the other day and it was an epic fail, I blame in part the fact that he was on his lunch break, oh well, we tried.

My other partner had no trouble, yet he's more experienced and wasn't expecting to get it in under 30 minutes. Penetration has always been the bane of my existence, any tips on how I can overcome it and not feel like I'm defective. Due to religious upbringing, I also fake it all the time.

Any tips for that would also be helpful.

Dear L,

We Suggest: 


How To Use Betty's Vaginal Barbell

How Can I Ease the Pain of Penetration

Any Advice on Moving Forward with Vaginismus?

I Have Vaginismus - Need Help Becoming Sexual

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