Boundaries Quotes

“At first glance, it seems as if the individual who has difficulty setting limits is the one who has the boundary problem; however, people who don’t respect others’ limits also have boundary problems.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Our ability to give and respond to love is our greatest gift.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Scripture is full of admonitions to separate ourselves from people who act in destructive ways (Matt. 18:15–17; 1 Cor. 5:9–13). We are not being unloving. Separating ourselves protects love, because we are taking a stand against things that destroy love.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“We need to realize that we are in control of our choices, no matter how we feel.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“What we value is what we love and assign importance to.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“People who have never questioned their attitudes and beliefs can fall prey to the dynamic that Jesus referred to when he described people holding on to “human traditions,” instead of the commands of God (Mark 7:8; Matt. 15:3).”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“We need to own our attitudes and convictions because they fall within our property line. We are the ones who feel their effect, and the only ones who can change them.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“boundaries are not built in a vacuum; creating boundaries always involves a support network.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Denying ourselves to do for others what they cannot do for themselves is showing the sacrificial love of Christ. This is what Christ did for us. He did what we could not do for ourselves; he saved us. This is being responsible “to.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Made in the image of God, we were created to take responsibility for certain tasks. Part of taking responsibility, or ownership, is knowing what is our job, and what isn’t.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Denying ourselves to do for others what they cannot do for themselves is showing the sacrificial love of Christ.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“We are responsible to others and for ourselves.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“There are two reasons why you need others to help with boundaries. The first is that your most basic need in life is for relationship. People suffer much to have relationships, and many put up with abuse because they fear their partners will leave them and they will be alone if they stand up to them. Fear of being alone keeps many in hurtful patterns for years. They are afraid that if they set boundaries, they will not have any love in their lives.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“La construcción de límites es más evidente durante los tres años. A esa edad ya deben dominar las siguientes tareas: Ser capaces de vincularse emocionalmente con los demás, sin dejar de ser ellos mismos y perder su libertad de mantenerse apartados. Ser capaces de decir que no sin temor a perder el amor. Ser capaces de aceptar el no ajeno sin retraerse emocionalmente.”
― Henry Cloud, Límites

“People who have an overstrict, critical conscience will condemn themselves for things God himself doesn’t condemn them for. As Paul says, “Since their conscience is weak, it is defiled” (1 Cor. 8:7).”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Attitudes have to do with your orientation toward something, the stance you take toward others, God, life, work, and relationships. Beliefs are anything that you accept as true.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“feelings are your responsibility and you must own them and see them as your problem so you can begin to find an answer to whatever issue they are pointing to.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Part of taking responsibility, or ownership, is knowing what is our job, and what isn’t. Workers who continually take on duties that aren’t theirs will eventually burn out. It takes wisdom to know what we should be doing and what we shouldn’t. We can’t do everything”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“The most common resistance one gets from the outside is anger. People who get angry at others for setting boundaries have a character problem. Self-centered, they think the world exists for them and their comfort. They see others as extensions of themselves. When they hear “no,” they have the same reaction a two-year-old has when deprived of something: “Bad Mommy!” They feel as though the one who deprives them of their wishes is “bad,” and they become angry. They are not righteously angry at a real offense. Nothing has been done “to them” at all. Someone will not do something “for them.” Their wish is being frustrated, and they get angry because they have not learned to delay gratification or to respect others’ freedom (Prov. 19:19). Angry people have a character problem. If you reinforce this character problem, it will return tomorrow and the next day in other situations. It is not the situation that’s making them angry, but the feeling that they are entitled to things from others. They want to control others, and as a result, they have no control over themselves. So when they lose their wished-for control over someone, they “lose it.” They get angry.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Parenting with love and limits, with warmth and consequences, produces confident children who have a sense of control over their lives.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Allow yourself to fail. Addressing your real need is no guarantee that your out-of-control behavior will disappear. Many people who address the real issue underneath a self-boundary problem are often disappointed that the problem keeps recurring. They think, Well, I joined a support group at church, but I still have problems being on time [or viewing pornography or spending money or being sarcastic, etc.]. Was all this for naught? No. The recurrence of destructive patterns is evidence of God’s sanctifying, maturing, and preparing us for eternity. We need to continue to practice to learn things. The same process that we use to learn to drive a car, swim, or learn a foreign language is the one we use for learning better self-boundaries. We need to embrace failure instead of trying to avoid it. Those people who spend their lives trying to avoid failure are also eluding maturity. We are drawn to Jesus because “he learned obedience from what he suffered” (Heb. 5:8). People who are growing up are also drawn to individuals who bear battle scars, worry furrows, and tear marks on their faces. Their lessons can be trusted, much more than the unlined faces of those who have never failed—and so have never truly lived.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“We are to love one another, not be one another. I can’t feel your feelings for you. I can’t think for you. I can’t behave for you. I can’t work through the disappointment that limits bring for you. In short, I can’t grow for you; only you can. Likewise, you can’t grow for me.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“you can’t develop or set boundaries apart from supportive relationships with God and others. Don’t even try to start setting limits until you have entered into deep, abiding attachments with people who will love you no matter what.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Made in the image of God, we were created to take responsibility for certain tasks. Part of taking responsibility, or ownership, is knowing what is our job, and what isn’t. Workers who continually take on duties that aren’t theirs will eventually burn out. It takes wisdom to know what we should be doing and what we shouldn’t. We can’t do everything.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“In this case, you need to remember the Law of Power: You only have the power to change yourself. You can’t change another person.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Alcoholism causes massive boundary confusion in the child. Adult children of alcoholics never feel safe in relationships. They’re always waiting for the other person to let them down or attack them unexpectedly. They keep their guard up constantly.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“If everything you say is loved by everyone, the odds are good that you’re bending the truth.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Feelings should neither be ignored nor placed in charge.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life