Boundaries Quotes

“The second boundary injury, easier to spot than the first, is a parent’s hostility against boundaries. The parent becomes angry at the child’s attempts at separating from him or her. Hostility can emerge in the form of angry words, physical punishment, or inappropriate consequences.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“have been so trained by others on what we “should” do that we think we are being loving when we do things out of compulsion. Setting”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“A good supportive relationship cherishes the no of all parties involved. The members know that true intimacy is only built around the freedom to disagree: “He who conceals his hatred has lying lips” (Prov. 10:18). Begin practicing your no with people who will honor it and love you for it. Step”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Growth in setting emotional boundaries must always be at a rate that takes into account your past injuries. Otherwise, you could fail massively before you have solid enough boundaries.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“This principle is illustrated when the psalmist says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Prov. 4:23). When we “watch over” our hearts (the home of our treasures), we guard them. We are to value our treasures so much that we keep them protected. Whatever we don’t value, we don’t guard. The security around a bank is significantly tighter than that around a junkyard! Begin”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“The difference between responding and reacting is choice. When you are reacting, they are in control. When you respond, you are. Learn”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“No one can become a truly biblical adult without setting some limits, leaving home, and cleaving somewhere else. Otherwise, we never know if we have forged our own values, beliefs, and convictions—our very identity—or if we are mimicking the ideas of our family. Can”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Many couples have trouble with this aspect of marriage. They feel abandoned when their spouse wants time apart. In reality, spouses need time apart, which makes them realize the need to be back together. Spouses in healthy relationships cherish each other’s space and are champions of each other’s causes. Other”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Feelings are also a warning signal telling us that we need to do something. For example, if you are angry at someone for something she did, it is your responsibility to go to her and tell her you are angry and why. If you think that your anger is her problem and that she needs to fix it, you may wait years. And your anger may turn to bitterness. If you are angry, even if someone else has sinned against you, it is your responsibility to do something about it. This”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“The old saying, “Don’t get mad. Just get even” isn’t accurate. It’s far better to say, “Don’t get mad. Set a limit!” Myth”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Possessions and accomplishments are not the only things we envy. We can envy a person’s character and personality, instead of developing the gifts God has given us (Rom. 12:6). Think”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Values What we value is what we love and assign importance to. Often we do not take responsibility for what we value. We are caught up in valuing the approval of men rather than the approval of God (John 12:43); because of this misplaced value, we miss out on life. We think that power, riches, and pleasure will satisfy our deepest longing, which is really for love. When”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Problem #5: Critical Attitudes Stress is often caused by working with or for someone who is supercritical. People will get hooked into either trying to win over the critical person, which can almost never be done, or by allowing the person to provoke them to anger. Some people internalize the criticism and get down on themselves. All of these reactions indicate an inability to stand apart from the critical person and keep one’s boundaries. Allow these critical people to be who they are, but keep yourself separate from them and do not internalize their opinion of you. Make sure you have a more accurate appraisal of yourself, and then disagree internally. You may also want to confront the overly critical person according to the biblical model (Matt. 18). At first tell her how you feel about her attitude and the way it affects you. If she is wise, she will listen to you. If not, and her attitude is disruptive to others as well, two or more of you might want to talk to her. If she will not agree to change, you may want to tell her that you do not wish to talk with her until she gets her attitude under control. Or you can follow the company’s grievance policy. The important thing to remember is that you can’t control her, but you can choose to limit your exposure to her, either physically or emotionally distancing yourself from her. This is self-control. Avoid trying to gain the approval of this sort of person. It will never work, and you will only feel controlled. And avoid getting in arguments and discussions. You will never win. Remember the proverb, “Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse. Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you” (Prov. 9:7–8). If you allow them to draw you in, thinking that you will change them, you are asking them for trouble. Stay separate. Keep your boundaries. Don’t get sucked into their game. Problem”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Problem #4: Difficult Co-workers A personnel counselor will often send someone to our hospital program because of stress at work. When these situations are unraveled, the “stress at work” often turns out to be somebody at the office who is driving the stressed-out person crazy. This person in the office or workplace has a strong influence over the emotional life of the person in pain, and he or she does not know how to deal with it. In this case you need to remember the Law of Power: You only have the power to change yourself. You can’t change another person. You must see yourself as the problem, not the other person. To see another person as the problem to be fixed is to give that person power over you and your well-being. Because you cannot change another person, you are out of control. The real problem lies in how you are relating to the problem person. You are the one in pain, and only you have the power to fix it. Many people have found immense relief in the thought that they have no control over another person and that they must focus on changing their reactions to that person. They must refuse to allow that person to affect them. This idea is life changing, the beginning of true self-control. Problem”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Even with God’s help, however, it is crucial to understand that meeting our own needs is basically our job. We can’t wait passively for others to take care of us. Jesus told us to “Ask … seek … knock” (Matt. 7:7). We are to “work out [our] salvation with fear and trembling” (Phil. 2:12). Even knowing that “it is God who works in [us]” (Phil. 2:13), we are our own responsibility.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“We can’t manipulate people into swallowing our boundaries by sugarcoating them. Boundaries are a “litmus test” for the quality of our relationships. Those people in our lives who can respect our boundaries will love our wills, our opinions, our separateness. Those who can’t respect our boundaries are telling us that they don’t love our no. They only love our yes, our compliance.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Stern discipline awaits him who leaves the path” (Prov. 15:10). To rescue people from the natural consequences of their behavior is to render them powerless. This happens a lot with parents and children. Parents often yell and nag, instead of allowing their children to reap the natural consequences of their behavior. Parenting with love and limits, with warmth and consequences, produces confident children who have a sense of control over their lives.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“People with poor boundaries struggle with saying no to the pressure, demands, and sometimes the real needs of others. They feel that if they say no to someone, they will endanger that relationship with that person. So they passively comply, but inwardly resent.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“...experiencing life as a victim instead of living it purposefully with a feeling of self-control.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“If you have never questioned set boundaries, or experienced conflict with your family members, you may not have an adult-to-adult connection with your family. If you have no other “best friends” than your family, you need to take a close look at those relationships. You may be afraid of becoming an autonomous adult.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Parents have two tasks associated with no. First, they need to help their child feel safe enough to say no, thereby encouraging his or her own boundaries. Though they certainly can’t make all the choices they’d like, young children should be able to have a no that is listened to. Informed parents won’t be insulted or enraged by their child’s resistance. They will help the child feel that his no is just as loveable as his yes. They won’t withdraw emotionally from the child who says no, but will stay connected. One parent must often support another who is being worn down by their baby’s no. This process takes work!”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Punishment looks back. It focuses on making payment for wrongs done in the past. Christ’s suffering was payment, for example, for our sin. Discipline, however, looks forward. The lessons we learn from discipline help us to not make the same mistakes again: “God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness” (Heb. 12:10).”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Envy is a self-perpetuating cycle. Boundaryless people feel empty and unfulfilled. They look at another’s sense of fullness and feel envious. This time and energy needs to be spent on taking responsibility for their lack and doing something about it. Taking action is the only way out. “You have not because you ask not.” And the Bible adds “because you work not.” Possessions”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“You need to get far enough away from abusive people to be able to fence your property against further invasion. And then you need to own the treasures you find in your soul.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“While reactive victims are primarily known by their “against” stances, proactive people do not demand rights, they live them. Power is not something you demand or deserve, it is something you express. The ultimate expression of power is love; it is the ability not to express power, but to restrain it. Proactive”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Being loved leads to commitment and willful decision-making—not the reverse.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“The problem with this approach is that it makes an idol out of the will, something God never intended. Just”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“trembling” (Phil. 2:12). Even knowing that “it is God who works in [us]” (Phil. 2:13), we are our own responsibility. This is a very different picture than many of us are used to. Some individuals see their needs”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life

“Dios, dame serenidad para aceptar las cosas que no puedo cambiar, valor para cambiar las cosas que puedo cambiar, y sabiduría para distinguirlas.”
― Henry Cloud, Límites