Boundaries Quotes

“God wants real relationship with us and wants us to have real relationship with each other. Real relationship means that I am in the light with my boundaries and other aspects of myself that are difficult to communicate. Our boundaries are affected by sin; they “miss the mark,” and need to be brought into the light for God to heal them and others to benefit from them. This is the path to real love: Communicate your boundaries openly.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“The screaming four-month-old child is trying to find out whether the world is a reasonably safe place or not. She is in a state of deep terror and isolation. She hasn’t learned to feel comfort when no one is around. To put her on the parents’ schedule instead of her own for holding and feeding is to “condemn the innocent,” as Jesus said (Matt. 12:7).”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Being created in God’s image also means having ownership, or stewardship. As Adam and Eve were given dominion over the earth to subdue and rule it, we are also given stewardship over our time, energy, talents, values, feelings, behavior, money, and all the other things mentioned in chapter 2. Without a “mine,” we have no sense of responsibility to develop, nurture, and protect these resources. Without a “mine,” we have no self to give to God and his kingdom.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Cualquier confusión que tengamos en nuestras vidas con respecto a nuestra responsabilidad y a nuestro dominio es un problema de límites. Así como los dueños de una casa marcan físicamente los límites de propiedad de su terreno, nosotros necesitamos poner límites mentales, físicos, emocionales y espirituales en nuestras vidas para ayudarnos a discernir cuál son nuestras responsabilidades y cuáles no.”
― Henry Cloud, Límites

“God has no interest in violating our boundaries so that he can relate to us. He understands that this would cause injuries of trust. It is our responsibility to open up to him in need and repentance.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“God loves to give gifts to his children, but he is a wise parent. He wants to make sure his gifts are right for us. To know what to ask for, we have to be in touch with who we really are and what are our real motives. If we are wanting something to feed our pride or to enhance our ego, I doubt that God is interested in giving it to us. But if it would be good for us, he’s very interested.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Making decisions based on others’ approval or on guilt breeds resentment, a product of our sinful nature. We have been so trained by others on what we “should” do that we think we are being loving when we do things out of compulsion.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“To be in touch with God’s truth is to be in touch with reality, and to live in accord with that reality makes for a better life (Ps. 119:2, 45).”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Ask yourself: “If the person I can’t hear no from were to die tonight, to whom would I go?” It’s crucial to develop several deep, significant relationships. This allows those in our lives to feel free to say no to us without guilt because we have somewhere else to go. When we have a person we can’t take no from, we have, in effect, handed over the control of our lives to them. All they have to do is threaten withdrawal, and we will comply. This occurs quite often in marriages, where one spouse is kept in emotional blackmail by the other’s threat to leave. Not only is this no way to live—it doesn’t work, either. The controller continues withdrawing whenever he or she is displeased. And the boundaryless person continues frantically scrambling to keep him or her happy. Dr. James Dobson’s Love Must Be Tough is a classic work on this kind of boundary problem.2”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Our model is God. He does not really “set limits” on people to “make them” behave. God sets standards, but he lets people be who they are and then separates himself from them when they misbehave, saying in effect, “You can be that way if you choose, but you cannot come into my house.” Heaven is a place for the repentant, and all are welcome.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Adult children who have never spiritually and emotionally separated from their parents often need time away. They have spent their whole lives embracing and keeping (Eccl. 3:5–6) and have been afraid to refrain from embracing and to throw away some of their outgrown ways of relating. They need to spend some time building boundaries against the old ways and creating new ways of relating that for a while may feel alienating to their parents. This time apart usually improves their relationship with their parents.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Nuestras emociones «negativas» nos dicen cosas: el temor nos advierte del peligro, nos dice que debemos tener cuidado; la tristeza nos dice que hemos perdido algo, una relación, una oportunidad, una idea.”
― Henry Cloud, Límites

“Los límites son un arma defensiva.Los límites apropiados no controlan, ni atacan ni lastiman a nadie. Solo protegen los tesoros de ser robados.”
― Henry Cloud, Límites

“Paul says, if we choose to live by the Spirit, we will live; if we choose to follow our sinful nature, we will die (Rom. 8:13).”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Job had to come to accept the freedom of God to not rescue him when he wanted. Job expressed his anger and dissatisfaction with God, and God rewarded his honesty. But Job did not “make God bad,” in his own mind. In all of his complaining, he did not end his relationship with God. He didn’t understand God, but he allowed God to be himself and did not withdraw his love from him, even when he was very angry with him. This is a real relationship.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“remember the Law of Power: You only have the power to change yourself. You can’t change another person. You must see yourself as the problem, not the other person. To see another person as the problem to be fixed is to give that person power over you and your well-being.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“I have been told that when a baby bird is ready to hatch, if you break the egg for the bird, it will die. The bird must peck its own way out of the egg into the world. This aggressive “workout” strengthens the bird, allowing it to function in the outside world. Robbed of this responsibility, it will die. This is also the way God has made us. If he “hatches” us, does our work for us, invades our boundaries, we will die. We must not shrink back passively. Our boundaries can only be created by our being active and aggressive, by our knocking, seeking, and asking”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Parents often yell and nag, instead of allowing their children to reap the natural consequences of their behavior. Parenting with love and limits, with warmth and consequences, produces confident children who have a sense of control over their lives.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“The Bible tells us clearly what our parameters are and how to protect them, but often our family, or other past relationships, confuses us about our parameters.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“If you do not forgive, you are demanding something your offender does not choose to give, even if it is only confession of what he did. This "ties" him to you and ruins boundaries. Let the dysfunctional family you came from go. Cut it loose, and you will be free.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“To forgive someone means to let him off the hook, or to cancel a debt he owes you. When you refuse to forgive someone, you still want something from that person, and even if it is revenge you want, it keeps you tied to him forever.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Love Our ability to give and respond to love is our greatest gift. The heart that God has fashioned in his image is the center of our being. Its abilities to open up to love and to allow love to flow outward are crucial to life.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Throughout the Scriptures, people are reminded of their choices and asked to take responsibility for them. Like Paul says, if we choose to live by the Spirit, we will live; if we choose to follow our sinful nature, we will die (Rom. 8:13). Making decisions based on others’ approval or on guilt breeds resentment, a product of our sinful nature. We have been so trained by others on what we “should” do that we think we are being loving when we do things out of compulsion. Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibility for your choices. You are the one who makes them. You are the one who must live with their consequences. And you are the one who may be keeping yourself from making the choices you could be happy with.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“We know that God is not mean to people who are afraid; the Scripture is full of examples of his compassion. But he will not enable passivity. The “wicked and lazy” servant was passive. He did not try. God’s grace covers failure, but it cannot make up for passivity. We have to do our part.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“part. The sin God rebukes is not trying and failing, but failing to try. Trying, failing, and trying again is called learning.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“creado”
― Henry Cloud, Límites

“Mientras que las víctimas reactivas son conocidas principalmente por sus actitudes «en contra de», las personas proactivas no reclaman sus derechos, los viven.”
― Henry Cloud, Límites

“No podemos atemorizar a la gente o hacerla sentir culpable y luego pretender que nos sigan amando.”
― Henry Cloud, Límites

“But, do not stay there. Spiritual adulthood has higher goals than “finding yourself.” A reactive stage is a stage, not an identity. It is necessary, but not sufficient.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“The concept of boundaries comes from the very nature of God. God defines himself as a distinct, separate being, and he is responsible for himself. He defines and takes responsibility for his personality by telling us what he thinks, feels, plans, allows, will not allow, likes, and dislikes.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No