Boundaries Quotes

“When they open themselves up to support from others, however, they find that the abusive persons are not the only source of love in the world and that they can find the strength through their support systems to set the limits they need to set.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“The first is that your most basic need in life is for relationship. People suffer much to have relationships, and many put up with abuse because they fear their partners will leave them and they will be alone if they stand up to them.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“fruit in keeping with repentance” (Luke 3:8). To continue to open yourself up emotionally to an abusive or addicted person without seeing true change is foolish. Forgive, but guard your heart until you see sustained change.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Each of us has different desires and wants, dreams and wishes, goals and plans, hungers and thirsts. We all want to satisfy “me.” But why are there so few satisfied “me’s” around? Part of the problem lies in the lack of structured boundaries within our personality. We can’t define who the real “me” is and what we truly desire. Many desires masquerade as the real thing. They are lusts that come out of not owning our real desires. For example, many sex addicts are looking for sexual experiences, but what they really desire is love and affection.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Nowhere are we commanded to have “other-control,” although we spend a lot of time and energy trying to get it!”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“God designed a world where we all live “within” ourselves; that is, we inhabit our own souls, and we are responsible for the things that make up “us.” “Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy” (Prov. 14:10).”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Any confusion of responsibility and ownership in our lives is a problem of boundaries.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“When parents greet their children’s disagreement, disobedience, or practicing with simple hostility, the children are denied the benefit of being trained. They don’t learn that delaying gratification and being responsible have benefits. They only learn how to avoid someone’s wrath. Ever wonder why some Christians fear an angry God, no matter how much they read about his love? The results of this hostility are difficult to see because these children quickly learn how to hide under a compliant smile. When these children grow up, they suffer depression, anxiety, relationship conflicts, and substance-abuse problems. For the first time in their lives, many boundary-injured individuals realize they have a problem. Hostility can create problems in both saying and hearing no. Some children become pliably enmeshed with others. But some react outwardly and become controlling people—just like the hostile parent.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Forgiveness has to do with the past. Reconciliation and boundaries have to do with the future. Limits guard my property until someone has repented and can be trusted to visit again. And if they sin, I will forgive again, seventy times seven. But I want to be around people who honestly fail me, not dishonestly deny that they have hurt me and have no intent to do better. That is destructive for me and for them.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“People who get angry at others for setting boundaries have a character problem. Self-centered, they think the world exists for them and their comfort. They see others as extensions of themselves.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“You probably have experienced how hard it is to solve a relational problem via any form of asynchronous communication. The other person misunderstands, and then things escalate unnecessarily and blow up. The reason for this is that we need warmth to convey difficult truths, and warmth doesn’t happen when you can’t see the other person’s face or hear the inflection in that person’s voice.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Adhering to structures, boundaries, or rules can be very beneficial. But rules in and of themselves should not be your master, robbing you of the freedom to do good for others or yourself.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Boundaries are a “litmus test” for the quality of our relationships.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“It is not good to rescue someone from the consequences of their sin, for you will only have to do it again.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“When a relationship is abusive, many times the only way to finally show the other person that your boundaries are real is to create space until they are ready to deal with the problem.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“You need people”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Appropriate boundaries actually increase our ability to care about others.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“To continue to open yourself up emotionally to an abusive or addicted person without seeing true change is foolish. Forgive, but guard your heart until you see sustained change.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Making decisions based on others’ approval or on guilt breeds resentment, a product of our sinful nature. We have been so trained by others on what we “should” do that we think we are being loving when we do things out of compulsion. Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibility for your choices. You are the one who makes them. You are the one who must live with their consequences. And you are the one who may be keeping yourself from making the choices you could be happy with.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“We think that power, riches, and pleasure will satisfy our deepest longing, which is really for love.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“however, when our own lack of love or responsibility causes the suffering, pain becomes our teacher.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“God’s world is set up with laws and principles. Spiritual realities are as real as gravity, and if you do not know them, you will discover their effects. Just because we have not been taught these principles of life and relationships does not mean they will not rule. We need to know the principles God has woven into life and operate according to them.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Grace must come from the outside of ourselves to be useful and healing.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“boundaries define your soul, and they help you to guard it and maintain it (Prov. 4:23).”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“The Law of Motivation says this: Freedom first, service second. If you serve to get free of your fear, you are doomed to failure. Let God work on the fears, resolve them, and create some healthy boundaries to guard the freedom you were called to.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“God’s world is set up with laws and principles. Spiritual realities are as real as gravity, and if you do not know them, you will discover their effects.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“The Bible addresses two distinct reactions to hostility in parents: Fathers are told not to “embitter [their] children, or they will become discouraged” (Col. 3:21). Some children respond to harshness with compliance and depression. At the same time, fathers are told not to “exasperate [their] children” (Eph. 6:4). Other children react to hostility with rage. Many grow up to be just like the hostile parent who hurt them.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“When parents greet their children’s disagreement, disobedience, or practicing with simple hostility, the children are denied the benefit of being trained. They don’t learn that delaying gratification and being responsible have benefits. They only learn how to avoid someone’s wrath. Ever wonder why some Christians fear an angry God, no matter how much they read about his love?”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“This hostility is a poor counterfeit of God’s program of learning discipline. Discipline is the art of teaching children self-control by using consequences. Irresponsible actions should cause discomfort that motivates us to become more responsible.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No