Boundaries Quotes

“Just as homeowners set physical property lines around their land, we need to set mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries for our lives to help us distinguish what is our responsibility and what isn’t.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life

“Spouses in healthy relationships cherish each other’s space and are champions of each other’s causes.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Many people are too quick to trust someone in the name of forgiveness and not make sure that the other is producing “fruit in keeping with repentance” (Luke 3:8). To continue to open yourself up emotionally to an abusive or addicted person without seeing true change is foolish. Forgive, but guard your heart until you see sustained change.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“You will be amazed how much can change in your life when you finally begin to let go of what you can never have.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Self-centered people often get angry when someone tells them no.

Stan said yes out of fear that he would lose love and that other people would get angry at him. These false motives and others keep us from setting boundaries:”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Good boundaries prevent resentment.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“We must own our own thoughts. Many people have not taken ownership of their own thinking processes. They are mechanically thinking the thoughts of others without ever examining them. They swallow others’ opinions and reasonings, never questioning and “thinking about their thinking.” Certainly we should listen to the thoughts of others and weigh them; but we should never “give our minds” over to anyone. We are to weigh things for ourselves in the context of relationship, “sharpening” each other as iron, but remaining separate thinkers.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibility for your choices. You are the one who makes them. You are the one who must live with their consequences. And you are the one who may be keeping yourself from making the choices you could be happy with.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“We are drawn to Jesus because “he learned obedience from what he suffered” (Heb. 5:8). People who are growing up are also drawn to individuals who bear battle scars, worry furrows, and tear marks on their faces. Their lessons can be trusted, much more than the unlined faces of those who have never failed—and so have never truly lived.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Workers who continually take on duties that aren’t theirs will eventually burn out. It takes wisdom to know what we should be doing and what we shouldn’t. We can’t do everything.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Our ability to give and respond to love is our greatest gift. The heart that God has fashioned in his image is the center of our being.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Numerous New Testament passages teach that we need to forsake our allegiance to our original family and become adopted by God (Matt. 23:9). God commands us to look to him as our father and to have no parental intermediaries. Adults who are still holding an allegiance to earthly parents have not realized their new adoptive status. Many times we are not obeying the Word of God because we have not spiritually left home. We feel we still need to please our parents and their traditional ways of doing things rather than obey our new Father (Matt. 15:1–6). When we become part of God’s family, obeying his ways will sometimes cause conflict in our families and sometimes separate us (Matt. 10:35–37). Jesus says that our spiritual ties are the closest and most important (Matt. 12:46–50). Our true family is the family of God.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Many times to set boundaries with someone is to risk losing the love that you have craved for a long time. To start to say no to a controlling parent is to get in touch with the sadness of what you do not have with them instead of still working hard to get it. This working hard keeps you away from the grief and keeps you stuck. But accepting the reality of who they are and letting go of the wish for them to be different is the essence of grief. And that is sad indeed.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Since the Fall, our instincts have been to withdraw from relationship when we’re in trouble, when we most need other people. (Remember”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Our real concern with others should not be "Are they doing what I would do or what I want them to do?" but "Are they really making a free choice?" When we accept others' freedom, we don't get angry, feel guilty, or withdraw our love when they set boundaries with us. When we accept others' freedom, we feel better about our own.”
― Henry Cloud; John Townsend, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life

“Sooner or later, someone will say a no to us that we can’t ignore. It’s built into the fabric of life. Observe the progression of nos in the life of the person who resists others’ limits: the no of parents the no of siblings the no of schoolteachers the no of school friends the no of bosses and supervisors the no of spouses the no of health problems from overeating, alcoholism, or an irresponsible lifestyle the no of police, the courts, and even prison Some people learn to accept boundaries early in life, even as early as stage number one. But some people have to go all the way to number eight before they get the picture that we have to accept life’s limits: “Stop listening to instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge” (Prov. 19:27). Many out-of-control adolescents don’t mature until their thirties, when they become tired of not having a steady job and a place to stay. They have to hit bottom financially, and sometimes they may even have to live on the streets for a while. In time, they begin sticking with a career, saving money, and starting to grow up. They gradually begin to accept life’s limits.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Developing boundaries in young children is that proverbial ounce of prevention. If we teach responsibility, limit setting, and delay of gratification early on, the smoother our children’s later years of life will be. The later we start, the harder we and they have to work.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Amy had a secret place deep inside where no one was ever invited.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Don’t get mad. Set a limit!”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“There is always safety in the truth, whether it be knowing God’s truth or knowing the truth about yourself. Many people live scattered and tumultuous lives trying to live outside of their own boundaries, not accepting and expressing the truth of who they are. Honesty about who you are gives you the biblical value of integrity, or oneness.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Even with the desire for a better life, we can be reluctant to do the work of boundaries because it will be a war. The battle falls into two categories: outside resistance we get from others and the resistance we get from ourselves.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Nothing clarifies boundaries more than forgiveness. To forgive someone means to let him off the hook, or to cancel a debt he owes you. When you refuse to forgive someone, you still want something from that person, and even if it is revenge that you want, it keeps you tied to him forever.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Feelings come from your heart and can tell you the state of your relationships. They can tell you if things are going well, or if there is a problem. If you feel close and loving, things are probably going well. If you feel angry, you have a problem that needs to be addressed. But the point is, your feelings are your responsibility and you must own them and see them as your problem so you can begin to find an answer to whatever issue they are pointing to.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“No matter how much you talk to yourself, read, study, or practice, you can’t develop or set boundaries apart from supportive relationships with God and others. Don’t even try to start setting limits until you have entered into deep, abiding attachments with people who will love you no matter what.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“The first is setting limits on others. This is the component that we most often hear about when we talk about boundaries. In reality, setting limits on others is a misnomer. We can’t do that. What we can do is set limits on our own exposure to people who are behaving poorly; we can’t change them or make them behave right.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“when people are abused while growing up, they reverse the function of boundaries and keep the bad in and the good out.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Sometimes, we have bad on the inside and good on the outside. In these instances, we need to be able to open up our boundaries to let the good in and the bad out. In other words, our fences need gates in them.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“How often do we hear the statement that “God loves the sinner, but hates the sin”? It’s true. His love is constant and “never fails” (1 Cor. 13:8). When parents detach from a misbehaving young child instead of staying connected and dealing with the problem, God’s constant love is misrepresented. When parents pull away in hurt, disappointment, or passive rage, they are sending this message to their youngster: You’re loveable when you behave. You aren’t loveable when you don’t behave.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“People who own their lives do not feel guilty when they make choices about where they are going. They take other people into consideration, but when they make choices for the wishes of others, they are choosing out of love, not guilt; to advance a good, not to avoid being bad.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“As iron sharpens iron, we need confrontation and truth from others to grow. No one likes to hear negative things about him or herself. But in the long run it may be good for us.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No