Boundaries Quotes

“Forgiveness and opening up to more abuse are not the same thing. Forgiveness has to do with the past. Reconciliation and boundaries have to do with the future. Limits guard my property until someone has repented and can be trusted to visit again. And if they sin, I will forgive again, seventy times seven. But I want to be around people who honestly fail me, not dishonestly deny that they have hurt me and have no intent to do better.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Boundaries are a “litmus test” for the quality of our relationships. Those people in our lives who can respect our boundaries will love our wills, our opinions, our separateness. Those who can’t respect our boundaries are telling us that they don’t love our no. They only love our yes, our compliance. When”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“In short, boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out. They guard our treasures...”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Setting limits has to do with telling the truth. The Bible clearly distinguishes between those who love truth and those who don’t. First, there is the person who welcomes your boundaries. Who accepts them. Who listens to them. Who says, “I’m glad you have a separate opinion. It makes me a better person.” This person is called wise, or righteous. The second type hates limits. Resents your difference. Tries to manipulate you into giving up your treasures. Try our “litmus test” experiment with your significant relationships. Tell them no in some area. You’ll either come out with increased intimacy—or learn that there was very little to begin with.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“When parents greet their children’s disagreement, disobedience, or practicing with simple hostility, the children are denied the benefit of being trained. They don’t learn that delaying gratification and being responsible have benefits. They only learn how to avoid someone’s wrath. Ever wonder why some Christians fear an angry God, no matter how much they read about his love? The results of this hostility are difficult to see because these children quickly learn how to hide under a compliant smile. When these children grow up they suffer depression, anxiety, relationship conflicts, and substance-abuse problems. For the first time in their lives, many boundary-injured individuals realize they have a problem. Hostility can create problems in both saying and hearing no. Some children become pliably enmeshed with others. But some react outwardly and become controlling people—just like the hostile parent. The Bible addresses two distinct reactions to hostility in parents: Fathers are told not to “embitter [their] children, or they will become discouraged” (Col. 3:21). Some children respond to harshness with compliance and depression. At the same time, fathers are told not to “exasperate [their] children” (Eph. 6:4). Other children react to hostility with rage. Many grow up to be just like the hostile parent who hurt them.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Only we know what we can and want to give, and only we can be responsible for drawing that line. If we do not draw it, we can quickly become resentful.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“When Jesus said, “Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for that is how their fathers treated the false prophets” (Luke 6:26), he was saying, “Don’t be an ear tickler. Don’t be a chronic peacemaker.” If everything you say is loved by everyone, the odds are good that you’re bending the truth.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Proactive people show you what they love, what they want, what they purpose, and what they stand for. These people are very different from those who are known by what they hate, what they don’t like, what they stand against, and what they will not do.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“There is nothing that you are presently doing that you did not have to learn. At one time the things you are now able to do were unfamiliar and frightening. This is the nature of life. But the important thing to remember is that you can learn. Once you realize that you are able to learn new things and handle new situations, you cease fearing the future.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Change is frightening. It may comfort you to know, that if you are afraid, you are possibly on the right road—the road to change and growth.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“God’s plan for us is to be loved enough by him and others, to not feel isolated—even when we’re alone.2”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“This type of boundary problem paralyzes people’s no muscles. Whenever they need to protect themselves by saying no, the word catches in their throats. This happens for a number of different reasons: Fear of hurting the other person’s feelings Fear of abandonment and separateness A wish to be totally dependent on another Fear of someone else’s anger”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Our loving heart, like our physical one, needs an inflow as well as an outflow of lifeblood. And like its physical counterpart, our heart is a muscle, a trust muscle. This trust muscle needs to be used and exercised; if it is injured it will slow down or weaken. We need to take responsibility for this loving function of ourselves and use it. Love concealed or love rejected can both kill us.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“The sin God rebukes is not trying and failing, but failing to try.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“true intimacy is only built around the freedom to disagree: “He who conceals his hatred has lying lips” (Prov. 10:18).”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Many times we have boundary problems because we lack initiative - the God-given ability to propel ourselves into life. We respond to invitations and push ourselves into life.”
― Henry Cloud; John Townsend, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“We do not get everything we want, and we all must grieve over our disappointments instead of punish others for them.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Boundaries define our soul and help us to guard and maintain it (Proverbs 4:23)”
― Henry Cloud / John Townsend, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Boundaries are a way to describe our spheres of responsibility and what we are and are not responsible for.”
― Henry Cloud / John Townsend, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“We need to love the boundaries of others to command respect for our own.”
― Henry Cloud / John Townsend, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“A lack of boundaries is often a sign of disobedience.”
― Henry Cloud / John Townsend, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“When we say no to people and activities that are hurtful to us, we are protecting God's investment.”
― Henry Cloud / John Townsend, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Proactive people do not demand rights; they live them”
― Henry Cloud / John Townsend, Boundaries

“resent.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life

“At the end of our lives, this truth becomes crystal clear. We will all “appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad” (2 Cor. 5:10). A sobering thought.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Those who can’t respect our boundaries are telling us that they don’t love our no. They only love our yes, our compliance.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“These relational problems can only be solved in relationships, for that is the context of the problems themselves, and the context of spiritual existence.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“They often don’t enjoy the “separating” part of mothering. They don’t like the distance between themselves and baby. It’s a painful boundary for Mother, but a necessary one for the”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“When the Bible tells us to comfort with the comfort with which we are comforted (2 Cor. 1:4), it’s telling us something. We need to be comforted before we can comfort. That may mean setting boundaries on our ministries so that we can be nurtured by our friends. We must distinguish between the two.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“But no one can really escape the disciplines of life. They will always win out. We always reap what we sow. And the later in life it is, the sadder a picture it is, for the stakes are higher.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life