Boundaries Quotes

“We need to see how this hurt is helpful to others and sometimes the best thing we can do for them and the relationship. We need to evaluate the pain in a positive light.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Stan learned that a lot of his “doing” and sacrificing was not motivated by love but by fear. Stan had learned early in life that if he did not do what his mother wanted, she would withdraw love from him. As a result, Stan learned to give reluctantly. His motive for giving was not love, but fear of losing love. Stan was also afraid of other people’s anger. Because his father frequently yelled at him when he was a boy, he learned to fear angry confrontations. This fear kept him from saying no to others. Self-centered people often get angry when someone tells them no. Stan said yes out of fear that he would lose love and that other people would get angry at him.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“What you can do is influence others. But there is a trick. Since you cannot get them to change, you must change yourself so that their destructive patterns no longer work on you.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“In other words, God, clarify my boundaries! You can work on submitting yourself to the process and working with God to change you. You cannot change anything else: not the weather, the past, the economy—and especially not other people. You cannot change others. More people suffer from trying to change others than from any other sickness. And it is impossible.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Another aspect of being responsible “to” is not only in the giving but in the setting of limits on another’s destructive and irresponsible behavior. It is not good to rescue someone from the consequences of their sin, for you will only have to do it again.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“The Bible tells us it is worthless to confront foolish people: “Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you” (Prov. 9:8).”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Establishing boundaries helps codependent people stop interrupting the Law of Sowing and Reaping in their loved one’s life. Boundaries force the person who is doing the sowing also to do the reaping.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Today we call a person who continually rescues another person a codependent. In effect, codependent, boundaryless people “cosign the note” of life for the irresponsible people in their lives. Then they end up paying the bills—physically, emotionally, and spiritually—and the spendthrifts continue out of control with no consequences. They continue to be loved, pampered, and treated nicely.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“When a conflict with one significant person can bring us to despair, it is possible that we are too focused and dependent on that person to meet our needs.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“The more biblical our boundaries are, the less anger we experience”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“However, as with all emotions, anger doesn’t understand time. Anger doesn’t dissipate automatically if the danger occurred two minutes ago—or twenty years ago! It has to be worked through appropriately. Otherwise, anger simply lives inside the heart.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Emotions, or feelings, have a function. They tell us something. They are a signal.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Appropriate boundaries don’t control, attack, or hurt anyone. They simply prevent your treasures from being taken at the wrong time.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“If you set boundaries, you fear that your limits will injure someone else—someone you would genuinely like to see happy and fulfilled:”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Those people in our lives who can respect our boundaries will love our wills, our opinions, our separateness. Those who can’t respect our boundaries are telling us that they don’t love our no. They only love our yes, our compliance.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“This is the path to real love: Communicate your boundaries openly.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“An important thing to remember about boundaries is that they exist, and they will affect us, whether or not we communicate them.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Law of Exposure says that your boundaries need to be made visible to others and communicated to them in relationship.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Power is not something you demand or deserve; it is something you express. The ultimate expression of power is love; it is the ability not to express power, but to restrain it.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Proactive people show you what they love, what they want, what they purpose, and what they stand for.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“As iron sharpens iron, we need confrontation and truth from others to grow.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Deciding to set boundaries is difficult because it requires decision making and confrontation, which, in turn, may cause pain to someone you love.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“You need to evaluate the effects of setting boundaries and be responsible to the other person, but that does not mean you should avoid setting boundaries because someone responds with hurt or anger.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Things can hurt and not harm us. In fact, they can even be good for us. And things that feel good can be very harmful to us.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“The Law of Motivation says this: Freedom first, service second.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Overidentification with the other’s loss. Many times people have not dealt with all their own disappointments and losses, so whenever they deprive someone else with a no, they “feel” the other person’s sadness to the nth degree. They can’t stand to hurt someone that badly, so they comply.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Approval. Many feel as if they are still children seeking parental approval. Therefore, when someone wants something from them, they need to give”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Payback. Many people have received things with guilt messages attached.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Many people’s giving is motivated by guilt. They are trying to do enough good things to overcome the guilt inside and feel good about themselves.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Fear of others’ anger. Because of old hurts and poor boundaries, some people can’t stand for anyone to be mad at them.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life