Boundaries Quotes

“Change is frightening. It may comfort you to know, that if you are afraid, you are possibly on the right road—the road to change and growth. One businessman I know says that if he is not totally frightened at some point in every day, he is not stretching himself far enough. He is very successful at what he does.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Boundaries in no way mean to stop loving. They mean the opposite: you are gaining the freedom to love.”
― Henry Cloud / John Townsend, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Parents often yell and nag instead of allowing their children to reap the natural consequences of their behavior. Parenting with love and limits, with warmth and consequences, produces confident children who have a sense of control over their lives.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“your feelings are your responsibility and you must own them and see them as your problem so you can begin to find an answer to whatever issue they are pointing to.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“if I find that I have some pain or sin within, I need to open up and communicate it to God and others, so that I can be healed. Confessing pain and sin helps to “get it out” so that it does not continue to poison me on the inside (1 John 1:9; James 5:16; Mark 7:21–23). And when the good is on the outside, we need to open our gates and “let it in.” Jesus speaks of this phenomenon in “receiving” him and his truth (Rev. 3:20; John 1:12). Other people have good things to give us, and we need to “open wide our hearts” to them (2 Cor. 6:11–13). Often we will close our boundaries to good things from others, staying in a state of deprivation. In short, boundaries are not walls. The Bible does not say that we are to be “walled off” from others; in fact, it says that we are to be “one” with them (John 17:11). We are to be in community with them. But in every community, all members have their own space and property.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“When you think you are ready to reestablish a relationship with someone who has been abusive and controlling in the past, bring a friend or supporter along. Be aware of your pull toward hurtful situations and relationships. The injury you are recovering from is serious, and you can’t reestablish a relationship until you have the proper tools. Be careful not to get sucked into a controlling situation again because your wish for reconciliation is so strong.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“After all, the ultimate goal of learning boundaries is to free us up to protect, nurture, and develop the lives God has given us stewardship over. Setting boundaries is mature, proactive, initiative-taking. It’s being in control of our lives. Individuals with mature boundaries aren’t frantic, in a hurry, or out of control. They have a direction in their lives, a steady moving toward their personal goals. They plan ahead. The”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Your feelings are your responsibility”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“If you are angry, even if someone else has sinned against you, it is your responsibility to do something about it.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Things can hurt and not harm us. In fact they can even be good for us. And things that feel good can be very harmful to us.” You need to evaluate the effects of setting boundaries and be responsible to the other person, but that does not mean you should avoid setting boundaries because someone responds with hurt or anger. To have boundaries—in this instance, Jason’s saying no to his partner—is to live a purposeful life.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear” (1 John 4:18).”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“One couple was faced with an aunt whose feelings were hurt by their daughter’s refusal to kiss and hug her upon every visit. Sometimes the child wanted to be close; sometimes she wanted to stand back and watch. The couple responded to the aunt’s complaint by saying, “We don’t want Casey to feel that her affection is something she owes people. We’d like her to be in charge of her life.” These parents wanted their daughter’s yes to be yes and her no to be no (Matt. 5:37). They wanted her to be able to say no, so that in the future she would have the ability to say no to evil.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“The problem comes when someone interrupts the law of sowing and reaping in another’s life.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Anger tells us that our boundaries have been violated. ... However, as with all emotions, anger doesn't understand time. Anger doesn't dissipate automatically if the danger occurred two minutes ago—or twenty years ago! It has to be worked through appropriately. Otherwise, anger simply lives inside the heart. This is why individuals with injured boundaries often are shocked by the rage they feel inside when they begin setting limits. This is generally not 'new anger'—it's 'old anger.' It's often years of nos that were never voiced, never respected, and never listened to. The protests against all the evil and violation of our souls sit inside us, waiting to tell their truths.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“When parents teach children that setting boundaries or saying no is bad, they are teaching them that others can do with them as they wish.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Controllers can’t respect others’ limits. They resist taking responsibility for their own lives, so they need to control others.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“We can't terrorize or make others feel guilty and be loved by them at the same time.”
― Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“We are ultimately responsible for what we do with our injured, immature souls.”
― Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Blocking a child’s ability to say no handicaps that child for life. Adults with handicaps like Robert’s have this first boundary injury: they say yes to bad things.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“You’ll see that boundary conflicts are by no means limited to those who “can’t say no.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“However, if I do not “own” my life, my choices and options become very limited. Think how confusing it would be if someone told you to “guard this property diligently, because I will hold you responsible for what happens here,” and then did not tell you the boundaries of the property. Or they did not give you the means with which to protect the property. This would be not only confusing but also potentially dangerous.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“An adult who does not stand on his own financially is still a child. To be an adult, you must live within your means and pay for your own failures.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“If we are going to judge at all, it needs to be by the “perfect law that gives freedom” (James 1:25).”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Boundaries are like muscles. They need to be built up in a safe support system and allowed to grow. If you try to shoulder too much weight too quickly, your muscles may tear or be pulled.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Our relationship with Christ—and any other successful relationship—is based on freedom.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“God will match our effort, but he will never do our work for us.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“When Jesus said, “Woe to you when everyone speaks well of you, for that is how their ancestors treated the false prophets” (Luke 6:26), he was saying, “Don’t be an ear tickler. Don’t be a chronic people pleaser.” If everything you say is loved by everyone, the odds are good that you’re bending the truth.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Proactive people show you what they love, what they want, what they purpose, and what they stand for. These people are very different from those who are known by what they hate, what they don’t like, what they stand against, and what they will not do. While reactive victims are primarily known by their “against” stances, proactive people do not demand rights; they live them. Power is not something you demand or deserve; it is something you express. The ultimate expression of power is love; it is the ability not to express power, but to restrain it. Proactive people are able to “love others as themselves.” They have mutual respect. They are able to “die to self” and not “return evil for evil.” They have gotten past the reactive stance of the law and are able to love and not react.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Many people cannot say, “I love you and I do not want to do that.” Such a statement does not make sense to them. They think that to love means to always say yes.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No