“Ask yourself: “If the person I can’t hear no from were to die tonight, to whom would I go?” It’s crucial to develop several deep, significant relationships. This allows those in our lives to feel free to say no to us without guilt because we have somewhere else to go. When we have a person we can’t take no from, we have, in effect, handed over the control of our lives to them. All they have to do is threaten withdrawal, and we will comply. This occurs quite often in marriages, where one spouse is kept in emotional blackmail by the other’s threat to leave. Not only is this no way to live—it doesn’t work, either. The controller continues withdrawing whenever he or she is displeased. And the boundaryless person continues frantically scrambling to keep him or her happy. Dr. James Dobson’s Love Must Be Tough is a classic work on this kind of boundary problem.2”