Grant a Wish, Drop a Curse Showing 1,751-1,800 of 2,927

[Barbara]

Granted but the movie would be a huge flop and no more Guardians movies would be made ever..

I wish I had a pet parakeet.

[Joyce]

Granted, but you get stuck with the feather picking, regurgitating kind.

I wish I could sleep several more hours in the morning.

[Ted]

granted, but you'd be wakeful all night

i wish Barbara's pet parakeet would regurgitate enough feathers to make a new pillow for Joyce

[Barbara]

Granted but Joyce would be allergic to the feathers and - for revenge - would toilet paper your abode.

I wish I could find the shoes I misplaced.

[Ted]

granted, but they are worn by someone with athlete's foot

i wish i could watch the entire new season of outdaughtered in advance

[Joyce]

Granted, but you have to watch one episode of the Duggars Counting On between each episode.

I wish the owner of The Baltimore Orioles would spend the money it takes to get some talented players.

[Sandy]

Granted but those players will not respect their fans.

I wish I grow every fruit and veges organically and eat fresh.
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[Kimberly]

Granted but eating it gives you gas.

I wish I had perfect vision.

[Ted]

granted, but you start hearing distorted sounds

i wish humid nights would not make me sweat

[Barbara]

Granted but you would itch terribly all over.

I wish people would mind their own business.

[Kimberly]

Granted but while away someone breaks into your home and your neighbors see it happen but refuse to say who the robbers were because you helped created a law in which everyone has to mind their business.

I wish I could get off 2 hours early today.

[Joyce]

Granted, but there is a terrible traffic jam and you get home the usual time anyway.

I wish my son would get a decent job that pays decent wages.

[miscellaneous]

Granted, but he becomes a Reality TV Star and films everything you do for the entire world to see on Youtube. *gasp!*

I wish my cat didn't put her paws into my once-a-year pecan pie.

[Ted]

granted, but now its paws are smack dab in your none-a-year pecan pie

i wish i wasn't constipated

[miscellaneous]

Granted. The Force is strong in this one, but #two may take a while.

I wish I never had to go to the dentist.

[Ted]

lol *2 expelled after much straining & sweating

granted, but now you have a toothless gummy smile, gran

i wish i didn't have to wish for anything

[miscellaneous]

Granthed, buth thwen you havth everythwing you wisth for, you havth no placeth to puth ith. *damn gums*

I wish I could fly.

[Ted]

*cute lithp gran

granted, but you've grown a feathery tail & have to wear superman's cape for life, with the hump of your tail poking the cape making it look like there's 2 baby monkeys hanging on both a-cheeks

i wish i didn't cuss

[Kimberly]

Granted but now you pass gas really loudly every time you sneeze.

I wish I could meet Tyler Perry and he and I could team up and do a project together that becomes really successful.

[Ted]

granted but upon completion you're both teleported to an alternate reality where you are granted the opposite of wishes 1, 2, 3, etc & you're named Ylrebmik

i wish i could sleep at night

[Barbara]

Granted but you'll sleep for 20 years like Rip Van Winkle.

I wish I knew how to bake a bread from scratch.

[Ted]

granted, but you run out of scratch so your newly acquired knowledge becomes useless

i wish rip van winkle would teach me how to sleep for 20 minutes at siesta

[Joyce]

Granted, but then Rip rats out your whereabouts to the Headless Horseman who tramples you while you're snoozing.

I wish I could spend the winter in the tropics.

[Ted]

granted, but due to a sudden rise in the polar temperature the equatorial regions freeze

i wish my throat & inner ear would stop itching

[Barbara]

Granted but you'd get terrible poison ivy all over the rest of your body.

I wish politicians would all go mute.

[Ted]

granted, but you develop x-ray vision that makes you see through their clothes, & the ability to read their thoughts 24/7 within a thousand mile radius

i wish i had naturally straight hair

[Joyce]

Granted, however, curly hair suddenly becomes the craze and everyone with straight hair looks like a dork and gets made fun of.

I wish all of the dumb reality shows on tv would get canceled, especially the bachelor and bachelorette.

[miscellaneous]

Granted, but the bachelor and bachelorette got married, moved into your house, and are now filming the new reality TV show... Living with Joyce.

I wish I got Trick or Treaters on Halloween.

[Ted]

granted but it all happened in a dream on halloween while you slept with your head &neck twisted to one side because one of the horns of your maleficent costume was stuck in the headrest of your recliner

i wish i could watch the entire season of Ed Stafford: Man Woman Child Wild

[Kimberly]

Granted but now every time you see a dog you start howling for 2 minutes.

I wish gas was free.

[miscellaneous]

Granted. Eat more beans.

I wish the trees in my yard turned pretty colors instead of just rust.

[[deleted user]]

Granted, but then your flowers will turn yucky and nasty.

I wish to be cold to other

[Ted]

granted, but other sought others for warmth & they became many

i wish i had the nerve to sing 'not now john' in front of an audience

[Joyce]

LOL ^

Granted, but the audience turns on you and chases you out of there, throwing tomatoes and eggs at you.

I wish I could talk with Paul McCartney just for a few minutes.

[Ted]

granted, but minutes stretch into hours without either of you noticing until neither of you has anything left to say, & your inner monologue goes like 'i wish Joyce & Paul McCartney antiparticles would each meet in mutual annihilation & this "talk" never happened'

i wish my wish granting ability would surpass my curse dropping ability

[Barbara]

Granted but people would take so much advantage of you that you'd have to hide on a desert island forever

I wish I was the Queen of America.

[Ted]

granted, but that makes you wife & soon-to-be widow of the king of america & sole inheritor of his astronomical debt

i wish to inherit a fortune from a long lost obscenely rich relative

[miscellaneous]

Granted. Hello Ted! I'm your long-lost obscenely rich Auntie Misc and I wish to bequeath to you my fortune. Just deposit one millllion dollars directly into my checking account for shipping and handling.

I wish someone would do all of my paperwork.

[Kimberly]

Granted but it's written/typed in a language you and no one else can understand.

I wish I knew in advance that tomorrow was going to be a nice stress free day.

[Ted]

granted, but henceforth you get to preview every stressful day of the next 364 days

i wish my no-longer-lost obscene Auntie Misc would revert to her former evil queen of mischief self

[Kimberly]

Granted but she is now your secret stalker and ruins your life.

I wish I had enough money in which I could pay to have an amusement park closed to visitors so I could just enjoy the entire park with friends and family.

[miscellaneous]

Granted. Everybody was having a great time until you all got stuck at the top of the Ferris wheel and had to wait all weekend until the park reopened so Frankie the Ferris wheel attendant could save you.

I wish we still had a drive-in theater.

[Kimberly]

Granted but they only show Sesame Street episodes.

I wish I could take the entire month off and go on vacation.

[miscellaneous]

Granted, but we're all going with you!

I wish I had a chocolate-chip brownie right now.

[Ted]

granted, but you chipped a tooth at first bite & inadvertently swallowed the broken fragment

i wish i didn't have to pee every 30 minutes after finishing a xl cup of coffee

[Luna]

granted but you keep on burping the whole day and night.

i wish i'll get motivation and start working.

[Ted]

granted, but it triggers your ocd & you can't stop working until your laptop overheats & explodes

i wish my pee were golden yellow instead of pale yellow

[Barbara]

Granted but rogue artists would kidnap you to use your pee to make glowing yellow paint.

I wish the price of Netflix would go down instead of up.

[Kimberly]

Granted but the price of everything else in the world doubles.

I wish I was a twin and we were the best of friends.

[[deleted user]]

Granted, but later your parents will tell you you were adopted.

I wish to be straight