Tony Fahkry's Blog, page 16

Do What Challenges You, Not What Makes You Happy

Happiness Is A By-Product Of Improved Self-Esteem

“Happiness is not the absence of problems; it’s the ability to deal with them.” — Steve Maraboli

I want to push you outside your comfort zone, if you’re willing to take the test? Ok, let us start with a question: Are you happy right now? If not, what is the cause of your unhappiness? You might not know and that’s fine, but how will you recognise happiness if you cannot distinguish being unhappy? This is not about apportioning blame or judgement, but recall you consented to be pushed outside your comfort zone. Shall we go on? Do you try to step outside your comfort zone often? Do you challenge yourself regularly? Some people push themselves by challenging their body, through gruelling physical endeavours. But they may experience little or no personal growth because they become thrill-seeking junkies.

If it’s happiness we seek, we ought to do what challenges us, not what makes us happy. Let me explain what I mean. If we pursue happiness without personal improvement, it is likely to be short lived. However, if we pursue personal growth, then happiness is a by-product of improved self-esteem. It requires developing self-confidence and resiliency, which enhances our self-esteem. Are you with me so far? Can you see how trying to chase happiness alone is unrealistic because there is no foundation for it to last? It is like pursuing wild adventures, hoping each one will be better than the next. We become addicted to the thrill ride, but rarely experience lasting happiness.

Those we consider successful, whether leaders in our community or others, spend years nurturing their personal growth. They are happy because their consciousness has expanded to encompass their positive character traits. When we pursue actions that reinforce our self-worth, then happiness is likely to be long lasting. For example, think about when you graduated from university or received a job promotion. I’m certain you experienced achievement and greater self-esteem, given your dedication to your study or career. The reward is evident in your commitment to improve the quality of your life.

Choose What Pushes You, Not What Makes You Happy

“Embrace each challenge in your life as an opportunity for self-transformation.” — Bernie S. Siegel

As we enhance our personal growth, our level of happiness grows in proportion. Have you noticed those who feel unappreciated are constantly miserable or complaining about the state of the world? They feel as though life is beating down upon them, instead of assuming control of their life. Don’t become one of those people because life is not about playing victim, since we have more power than we recognise. Yes, we will make mistakes and experience failures and setbacks. Yes, challenges are sewn into the fabric of life, to enhance our self-esteem, not crush it. Therefore, we have a choice: we can grow relative to our problems, or retreat into despair. But if we choose the latter, we are certain of a life filled with misery and discontent.

I’m certain you don’t want to be that person? If you’ve read this far, you value your personal growth and want to improve your life. The key is to keep moving forward, even in the face of adversity and difficulties. We must get up when we encounter defeat since we gain wisdom, fortitude and inner resilience, to overcome our challenges. For example, in my 20s, life was smooth sailing. However, in my 30s, challenges were more prominent and instead of cowering in defeat, I walked towards them intending to grow from my experiences. I’ve encountered a great deal of pain and obstacles throughout my life, but I’ve experienced immense personal growth and hence why I can share this wisdom with others.

So, I invite you to choose what pushes you, not what makes you happy because you may be happy now, but miserable in the long run. If you find yourself in a difficult situation, instead of running from it, lean into it. You may find it is more than you can tolerate, and that’s okay. Trust that you will grow in proportion to your challenges, as long as you don’t give up on yourself. Trust, you will overcome difficulties. Trust, you will gain sufficient growth to expand your consciousness beyond your current state. Knowing this, I’d like you to spend 15 minutes examining your current challenges. See if you can notice what they’re inviting you to learn about yourself? Is it: patience, understanding, self-reliance, resiliency, courage, etc.? It is when we learn to dance with life, that the song we sing will be expressed through our setbacks and challenges.

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Managing Health, Work Life Balance: How To Manage Stress



In this video, Tony Fahkry outlines several strategies for dealing with stress during the Coronavirus pandemic. As many people are working from home during this time, it is important that we learn to manage our health in order to minimise stress.

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Managing Health, Work Life Balance: Lifestyle Recommendations



In this slide, Tony Fahkry talks about how to choose the right exercises based on your stress levels. He outlines how certain exercises can be stressful to a those prone to high stress and he gives recommendations on how to choose the correct exercises to enhance your long term health.

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If You Want Something New, It Begins With You

Take Life Into Your Own Hands

“There are two primary choices in life: To accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.” — Dr Denis Waitley

Look around you. What do you see? I don’t mean literally but figuratively. What is missing from your life right now? What would make your life complete? Putting aside the restrictions of the current pandemic, think of something you’ve wanted that hasn’t happened yet? There’s a mistaken belief that when we get what we want, we’ll be happy. Experience has taught me that yearning for something absent in my life, rarely improves it. There must be a deeper desire to change our circumstances, aligned with our core values.

If we want things to change, it must begin with us. Sometimes, it may arise from frustration with the way things are, or realising something is missing. For example, if we are lonely, we might want to be in an intimate relationship to compensate for our loneliness. But are we making the right choice, or are we trying to fill a void that can be achieved another way? For instance, we might take up a hobby or lend our support by volunteering to a charity, where we find deeper meaning and purpose. Here, we may or may not attract a relationship because that is not our chief aim. Our intention is to alleviate our loneliness and be around like-minded people.

For example, think about trying to fix a problem which didn’t turn out as planned? Did you consider alternative solutions, or were you fixed on a particular outcome? What I’m trying to say is: We must keep an open mind and explore other possibilities, if we want to change our life. Lamenting how things are, without taking action is a recipe for disappointment. It requires taking life into our own hands and searching for solutions. We may not know which outcome is best until we road test it. So, trying to cure our loneliness by way of a relationship comes with its problems. Similarly, giving of our time through volunteer work also has problems, but the benefits are greater.

Align With Your Core Values

“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of.” — Jim Rohn

Regrettably, life isn’t as well-organised as we like it to be and there are benefits to this, which we may not appreciate. But, if we consider our actions as potential learning experiences, we cannot win or lose. In which case, we adopt an optimistic outlook when a situation does not play out as expected. Are you happy with this idea, that it’s okay to make mistakes, as long as you’re learning important lessons and not beating yourself up? Life can be an imperfect school, where each experience is a springboard towards further growth and expansion. We mustn’t view our experiences as win or lose because that puts pressure on us to succeed. And as you know, success is the by-product of repeated failures and losses.

I can relate to this because in my 20s and 30s, I made so many mistakes and thought I was cursed or doomed for failure. But looking back, I can see how those experiences had to happen, since I gained the wisdom and knowledge not to repeat them. So, whatever is missing from your life, consider three alternative solutions. Don’t be quick to jump to the first one that comes to mind. Take your time to test drive it, as ideas on paper or consulting with friends and family. You might not take any action because sometimes doing nothing can be a blessing in disguise. I would encourage you to journal your thoughts on paper, before committing to a particular path.

To improve our circumstances, we shouldn’t believe life will undertake it for us. It requires a strong desire, aligned with our core values and exploring various options. Even then, there is no assurance we have made the right choice, since life offers no guarantees. Therefore, become curious about the process and see your decisions as pieces of a puzzle coming together. It requires being patient, curious, and not fixed on a particular outcome. We ought to keep an open mind and a soft heart, so life can bring us what we need at the right time.

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Why Someone’s Opinion Of You Doesn’t Determine Who You Are

Everyone Is Painting Their Own Masterpiece

“‎Someone’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.” — Les Brown

What other people think of you needn’t determine who you are because your sense of self shouldn’t be affected by other people’s opinions. From an impressionable age, we regard the opinions of others because we want to be accepted and fit in. But as we mature and develop self-esteem, it shouldn’t matter what others think of us. Let me be clear by saying, it is important we are accepted by our peers, but we mustn’t place our self-esteem in their hands. Acceptance of oneself helps us connect with our core-self and provides feedback on who we are as individuals. But it needn’t dictate our self-worth because who we are is far greater than the opinions of others.

What are your impressions about this? Do you agree, what others think of you doesn’t determine your reality, unless you allow it? Regrettably, many people are influenced by the opinions of those closest to them, such as family, friends and work colleagues. Most notably, our family has the greatest influence in our lives and may undermine our self-worth. I know people from diverse cultures where the parents play a significant role in deciding the career path of their children. Whilst their intentions are honourable, it is considered shameful if the child doesn’t pursue a noble profession such as a doctor, or lawyer. Is this something you can relate to in your family or culture? If so, how did you deal with it and did it impact your self-worth?

Nowadays, everyone has an opinion on how others should live their life, but rarely do these people examine their own lives. In my work as a speaker and coach, I’m yet to meet anyone who has all their affairs in order. I mean that in the best way, insofar as our life is a work in progress and we may never reach our full potential. It is why we mustn’t judge others because everyone is painting their own masterpiece, as best they can. During my early adulthood, I would worry about the opinions of others, which impacted my self-worth and self-confidence. What they thought of me was not something I could live up to, and it hurt trying to be that person.

Eventually, these relationships dissolved because I wasn’t willing to minimise my self-worth to appease them. I tried to live according to my core values, even if it meant making my own mistakes. It was important, I find my own way instead of living up to someone’s opinion of me. Regrettably, not many people know how you should live your life, it’s mostly an impression of what is good for you. We must walk our own path since that is how we learn and grow as individuals. And yes, it is difficult to see a loved one make unnecessary mistakes, but they might be necessary for their personal evolution.

We Discover Our True Potential In Our Darkest Moments

“What other people think of me is none of my business.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

Our task is not to remove their difficulties but to empower them with support and encouragement to get through it. This can be hard, especially if the individual is addicted to alcohol or experimenting with drugs and we may not want to see them suffer this way. I’m not claiming to have the answers, but I know emotional support is the best way we can help people work through their difficulties. How are you feeling about this? I’m sure you have lots of questions and opinions on what you’ve read so far. I encourage you to journal your thoughts and sit with them for a few days, to see what surfaces.

We mustn’t allow other people’s opinions to determine who we are because their opinion is not fact. Naturally, our life path will evolve as we mature, and we will experience many highs and lows, where it might seem our life is spinning out of control. But this is part of the journey to discover our authentic self, buried amongst the ruins of failure, dead-ends and despair. It is part of becoming lost and experiencing desperation through our circumstances. I know, because I’ve been there and know how uncomfortable it is to be an outsider in your own life. However, in the months that followed, I experienced an expansion of consciousness that led to breakthroughs in my life. I experienced new insights about my life during those moments of despair. Sometimes, pain and suffering will force us to evolve, so life can take us where it needs to.

We mustn’t resist these experiences but lean in to our problems with full conviction. Sometimes, it may require going in one direction and hitting rock bottom, so we discover our true potential in those darkest moments. So, whether you are experiencing difficulties or guiding loved ones through their problems, note where they are leading you. Don’t get caught up in the suffering because it is temporary and it will eventually recede, as long as you continue in genuine faith. If we believe the opinions of others determine who we are, we are less likely to live an authentic life. Ultimately, the greatest tragedy is to follow in the footsteps of someone whose opinion of us matters little.

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When Things Go Wrong In Life, Don’t Follow Your Problems

Don’t Go With The Problem

“Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Many people are experiencing difficulties in their lives than ever before, given the Coronavirus pandemic and economic uncertainty surrounding it. Problems are inevitable and hoping they go away is only wishful thinking. Challenges are sewn into the fabric of life and there are two ways to view them. We can see them as serving no point in our life, or conversely, that they contain the seeds of opportunities for our personal growth. How about you? What do you believe is the reason for problems in your life? What is your mindset when things go wrong? Do you stay stuck in your difficulties or do you try to find a solution?

I admit, when problems arise in my life, my initial reaction was one of anxiety and worry. I felt I had little control over the situation and found it difficult to deal with. However, I’ve come to distance myself from the drama nowadays, instead of overreacting. By distancing ourselves from a situation, we create a space between the problem, so we don’t ruminate on it. We must also allow the passage of time to reveal more information about what we’re experiencing. When I encounter a major problem, it seems that weeks and months later, it has evolved to something completely differently. I had this conversation with a coaching client recently, who experienced the same negative emotions. I invited her to mentally distance herself from the drama, otherwise she was likely to stay stuck in her negative emotions without finding a solution.

Are you happy with the idea that we needn’t bring negative emotions to the table each time life doesn’t go according to plan? Sometimes, what appears as a problem can be a stroke of luck, if we withhold our beliefs about it. Our problems are similar to horses tethered to a chariot. Given the opportunity, they will run wild and we’re unable to keep them from taking off. Things will always go wrong in life and our task is to overcome it as best we can. The key message here is that when things go wrong, don’t go with your problems; focus on the solution. We must become solution orientated instead of allowing problems to pull us into a pit of despair.

Problems Are Nourishment For Your Soul

“The more you complain about your problems, the more problems you will have to complain about.” — Zig Ziglar

When difficulties emerge, we are inclined to believe life is unfair. I’ve met many resilient leaders over the years who don’t allow their problems to overwhelm them but seek to understand the lessons contained within them. These people have experienced many challenges throughout their life without getting caught up in the drama. You’ve heard it said that problems are opportunities for growth, but that means minor comfort when we face challenges bigger than us.

For example, think of a recent challenge you overcame? What lessons did you learn from it? What actions did you take to deal with the problem? If we believe difficulties are bigger than us, we remain helpless and stuck, instead of trying to overcome it. I assure you; the most trying experiences contain a solution and sometimes it requires digging deep within ourselves to find it. We may encounter frustration, anger and disappointment, but don’t despair when you experience these emotions. It’s means you are toiling away in the trenches to find a way out.

What I’m suggesting is; the more problems you face, the better you become at dealing with them. The bigger the problem, the greater your level of growth. Our personal growth is associated with our self-esteem and character, which are indicative of living intentionally and purposefully. We cannot avoid problems because there is always one waiting on the next corner. The problems that frustrate me most are ones that emerge when I least expect it. But I’ve learned that the universe will test my resolve to see whether I am growing to deal with the challenges.

So, going back to the problem you experienced recently, what is the lesson you’re invited to learn from it? What qualities is the universe trying to develop within you? When we resist an experience, we resist the growth associated with it. It is like receiving a present on your birthday, but refusing to open it. You’ve no doubt experienced enough birthdays to know that a present is a gift to cherish. And so of our problems. The universe rarely gives us an experience packaged beautifully, with a bow on it. They are clothed in pain, disappointment and difficulties. So, when things go wrong, don’t follow your problems and create greater worries for yourself. Instead, see the lessons as a gift and your problems will become nourishment for your soul.

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When Things Look Bleak, Live Your Life One Day At A Time

Slow Down And Reassess Your Priorities

“Even in the grave, all is not lost.” ― Edgar Allan Poe

How are you coping at the moment? What are your chief concerns? How are you dealing with it? Even though we’re living in tenuous times, it is important we check in with ourselves regularly. People cope in different ways, some better in stressful conditions, while others internalise their stress. We ought to deal with what is affecting us, instead of repeating the patterns of the past. Whist the pandemic may appear bleak at the moment, it doesn’t mean it will be permanent. Mankind has faced many challenges throughout history.

Regrettably, many people will succumb to the virus and their families and friends will be affected. It is tragic when people lose their lives to a disease beyond their control. But we mustn’t live in a constant state of fear because what we dwell upon may come to pass. We should focus on taking the smallest step to secure our dreams and best future. Life will improve, there are no two ways about it. We have experienced these challenges before and will overcome them again.

In times like this, our attitude determines our altitude; how high we soar above our challenges. It is how we respond in times of crisis that determines whether we stay stuck or look for positive solutions. Man’s greatest discoveries were made during some of the darkest periods in human history. Mankind is resilient and can overcome any of life’s challenges, with the right mindset and attitude. Knowing this, what actions could you take to deal with your worries? Does it involve giving attention to your mental, emotional and physical well-being? Perhaps it requires less interaction with social media and the news, or reaching out to friends and loved ones more often?

When we take each day as it comes, we become present to the moment, rather than hope for a future that may not arrive as we expect. I’m getting the sense that this pandemic is teaching us to slow down and reassess our priorities. It is inviting us to place value on the importance of family, friendships, purpose and living in the present moment. Being grounded in the now helps us anchor ourselves to our present moment experience. It reduces the stress of living in the future, and we become grateful for each moment we’re alive. So, when things look bleak, we ought to live one day at a time and savour what we have.

Live Each Day As Though It Were A Precious Gift

“One should . . . be able to see things as hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald

Does it make sense that scurrying from day to-day does little to bring you peace of mind? It only compounds to the stress experienced before the pandemic. In a recent video blog titled: Although The World May Never Be The Same, You Can Still Find A New Normal, I outline five ways to find a new normal going forward. I explain that we are being invited to create a new paradigm for our future, rather than bring the old with us. This will mean letting go of how the future should be and allow life to fill us with: peace, harmony, cooperation and togetherness. We ought to think differently about how we live, otherwise we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes. As you know, this pandemic has ruined many lives and businesses, not to mention the financial burden on world economies.

So, let’s hunker down and learn the lessons instead of blaming others for the way things are. Yes, we’re all in this together because our choices impact others. For example, not wearing a face mask in public can have a devastating effect on thousands of people. This is an opportunity to look into ourselves and examine our motives, to see whether they are aligned with a new world being ushered in. So, what are you giving your attention to right now? What do you hope to create going forward? What do you want to see in the months and years ahead? Begin where you are now and live each day as though it were a precious gift, instead of lamenting how things should return to normal. The normal we once knew wasn’t working, so life is giving us the opportunity to write a new script.

Savour every moment because life has a way of turning at the drop of a hat. Take inventory of your life, no matter your age and decide what you’d like the world to look like. Your actions have a ripple effect, in ways you can never imagine. Act locally but think globally, goes the saying. So, after you finish reading this article, go back to the questions at the beginning and answer them as best you can. Check in with yourself regularly and optimise your mental and emotional well-being. After all, when things look bleak, living one day at a time opens you to infinite opportunities that you may not have seen before.

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Although The World May Never Be The Same, You Can Still Find A New Normal



We are currently faced with a crossroad, in which the normal we once knew isn’t working for the betterment of humanity and the planet. We are being presented with an opportunity to create a new paradigm, not a new normal in a post Coronavirus world. A paradigm shift means there is no turning back to our old ways. We must adapt to our circumstances. There is no other way. Within our ability to adapt is where we will find a new reality calling us.

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You’ve Got To Stop Living In The Place Of Fear And Doubt

Be Careful What You Give Your Attention To

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage.” — Dale Carnegie

Fear and doubt are like uninvited guests, who show up for the night and overstay their welcome. They have nothing to impart other than a distorted reality. We fear what we don’t understand and then doubt ourselves. This steals away the preciousness of the present moment because we succumb to a fictitious reality. Have you experienced something like this, whereby fear and doubt convinced you of something that wasn’t true? You wouldn’t be wrong in succumbing to this scenario because they collaborate to pull us into a pit of despair.

But it needn’t be this way, since we can choose to see things differently. For example, when the Coronavirus pandemic started, there was a lot of fear and negativity perpetuated by the mainstream media. They hijack our attention by reporting bits and pieces of the actual story. I immediately turned my attention to the health professionals, such as infectious disease experts, epidemiologists, virologists and senior health experts. As time went on, I was reassured that what the media was depicting was not reality but a false narrative to sell a story. I’m not suggesting the virus is anything to ignore, but we must be careful what we give our attention to because it may not be serving our best interests.

Think about the areas of your life where fear and doubt have gained a foothold? Perhaps it is your relationships, finances, career, your dreams and highest ambitions? If I asked you to journal the narrative fear and doubt promote, what would you write? Is it lack of choice? Self worthiness or self-esteem? It’s important we understand what we’re up against, so we can deal with it effectively. To overcome fear and doubt, we must first understand how they operate in our life. They try to undermine us, like a virus weaving its way through our thoughts. Either way, we must confront our limiting beliefs and analyse them for what they are; an unrealistic plan to sabotage us.

We’ve Got To Show Up Fully For Our Dreams

“Life isn’t much more than a big dig through layers of doubt and fear into new levels of power and potential.” — Robin Sharma

Fear and doubt offer nothing in return, other than to steal our joy and happiness. In contrast, confidence and encouragement are allies that work together to support our goals. We ought to sow the seeds of these virtues in our psyche and extract fear and doubt from our minds. Fear is the enemy of confidence because it tries to convince us of an unfavourable future. However, confidence moves towards tomorrow armed with conviction to achieve excellence. This doesn’t mean we must eradicate fear from our lives but acknowledge it for what it is. As the self-help author Susan Jeffers once wrote: Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway.

That is, we walk towards our fears and take inspired action, regardless. Because every time we overcome fear, we silence our doubts and lay to rest the hijackers of tomorrow. Fear and doubt will try to steal our best laid plans. But it is not enough to ignore them, we must face them directly and change the narrative they promote. Consider this in your own life. What have you overcome in recent times that fear and doubt tried to sell you? Perhaps it was entering a new relationship, starting your own business, or leaving a lucrative career? Sometimes fear and doubt can show up as an unwanted gift, presented by those we love. Family and friends will convince us not to change careers or get intimately involved with that person because they are no good for us.

But this is like asking those who’ve never been where you’re going for directions. You assume because they are wiser, they hold the answers, but they may not be the answers for you. So, question everything and test it for yourself, to see whether it will work for you. It is better to make a hundred mistakes on your own, than live inauthentically based on other people’s opinions. We’ve got to show up for our dreams and command them fully, irrespective of what others think. It requires moving through our fears and doubts, which accompanying us on this journey of life. Because when we reach our ultimate destination, we will have overcome these mountainous hurdles through hard work and perseverance.

Knowing this, I invite you to make time to examine areas of your life where fear and doubt have infiltrated. What is the message they’re trying to sell you? Is it real? Can you be sure that fear and doubt is real? What do you want for your life? Write down two columns and examine your fears and doubts on one side and your vision and purpose on the other. After you’ve explored each area, sit with your feelings and note which area you are leaning towards? Do you want to be an 80-year-old who was allowed their fears and doubts to overcome them, or do you want to be an 80-year-old who has lived the best version of their life? Either way, you get to decide the storyline for your life, so make it a remarkable one!

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The Universe Doesn’t Take From You, Without Giving You Something Better

The Meaning We Give Is Subjective

“To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders.” — Lao Tzu

What have you lost recently that you miss from your life? Was it an intimate relationship? A career? Finances or something else? What emotions did you experience? Perhaps it was fear, anger or other negative emotions? Have you recovered from your loss or are you still coming to terms with it? I want to reassure you, what was taken from you will be replaced by something better, in due course. I don’t want to give you a false hope that losing a relationship will be replaced with another person. Sometimes, people leave our life with no explanation. Regrettably, I don’t have all the answers, since I am subject to the same fate.

However, there’s one thing I’ve learned. When something is taken from my life, there is a period of grief, followed by something greater coming in to my life. For example, I lost my father to type II diabetes well before his time. His passing sent me on a quest to understand the human condition and why some people live a long life, while others succumb to illness. I wrote a book on the topic, following years of research and it became my quest to understand the connection between mind, body and spirit.

So yes, whilst my father passed away early, the universe gave me something I could not have expected, and that was the gift of: insight, compassion, humility and wisdom. Some of you may have lost your job amid the Coronavirus pandemic. It may have been a loss in your finances, perhaps the breakup of an intimate relationship. These things can affect us long after they’re gone. Therefore, we ought to grieve over our loss and console ourselves before moving on. We may or may not find meaning in our circumstances. Either way, the meaning we ascribe is subjective because we don’t really know the full extent to why things happen. We can only speculate to put our minds at ease.

Can you relate to this? Are you still looking for why a benevolent universe can be cruel and unjust sometimes? It is normal to entertain these thoughts, however they can take us down the rabbit hole of despair, searching for answers. It may or may not come, so I invite you to focus on the lessons gained from the experience, rather than search for their meaning. I can’t explain why unfortunate events happen and it would be remiss of me to even try. What I can do is help you make sense of what happened, to move forward as best you can. It is about re-empowering ourselves with new insights, wisdom, and seeing our misfortunes through the eyes of kindness and self-compassion.

How The Universe Intends To Use Your Pain

“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” — Paulo Coelho

The universe is barely predictable because life can change at the drop of a hat. People’s lives are turned upside down and they’re forced into hopeless situations with no prior warning. But here’s one thing I know: the universe gives us more in return when it takes something from our lives. It gives us the gift of: wisdom, resiliency, humility, compassion and strength of character. We cannot buy these virtues online because they take years to develop, were it not for our heartbreak and pain. What I’m saying is: when we are forced into a situation not of our choosing, we discover the essence of who we really are.

We all experience pain and suffering, and the degree to which we suffer is based on how we view our misfortunes. Having studied the lives of centenarians over the years, many of them endured pain and suffering throughout their lives. The one common denominator to their endurance is the will to live. Viktor Frankl described this idea in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning. Those who endured extreme suffering during the Holocaust in Nazi Germany, discovered the will to live and went on to share their stories with thousands of others. Hardship strengthens our resolve and helps us decide what is important in our lives. Our pain becomes the healing agent to heal other’s pain and suffering.

We may use our pain to focus on areas of importance to us such as social justice, inequality, environmental issues or other issues affecting humanity. When people lose something of importance, some find a deeper meaning in their disaster. I’m reminded of those who lose family members in tragic circumstances, such as car accidents or murder and rape. Some start social causes, devoted to helping the lives of those affected by these tragic events. So, what am I saying? Trust. See if you can accept what happened, and trust the universe to use your pain for your own good or the betterment of others. Life is neither fair nor unfair. Our mind justifies these thoughts to make sense of unfortunate events. Life is doing its job, whilst supporting our personal growth. So, if the universe has taken something from your life, something better may take its place in the foreseeable future. After all, it was the Greek philosopher Aristotle who said: “Nature abhors a vacuum.” Meaning: something of equal value or better will fill its place.

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