Tony Fahkry's Blog, page 14

The Universe Is More Invested In Your Personal Growth Than Your Happiness

Happiness Is A By-Product Of The Growth Achieved

“You don’t need to change the world; you need to change yourself.” — Don Miguel Ruiz

Everyone desires to be happy because life is empty if we are unhappy. But we needn’t place happiness above our personal growth, and here’s why.

The primary function of the universe is growth and expansion. I mentioned this recently in an article titled Why You Need To Be Flexible, To Survive And Thrive, in which I wrote about developing an open mind. This article follows the same path, where I propose life is more invested in our personal growth than our happiness.

Now, just so I’m clear, I’m not suggesting happiness is something we mustn’t strive for. Every person must endeavour to find happiness in their lives, whether through their purpose, passion or fulfilling their creative goals.

What I’m proposing is that the life will place a greater importance on our personal growth than our happiness. Because the universe is constantly expanding and developing, it will favour change and growth through every living thing.

Life is invested in our growth in proportion to the expansion taking place in the universe. If you are not convinced of this, simply look to mother nature, in which the animal kingdom and the environment are constantly changing.

I agree that while happiness is a worthwhile aim, it does not serve the universe’s function of expansion as much as our personal growth. Is this an idea you’re willing to embrace on some level? I know you have questions and perhaps you might disagree with some of what I’ve said, and that’s okay.

The key is to awaken a growth mindset and consider your life through a different lens. Like you, I believed attaining happiness was my primary role. But in pursuing happiness, the less happy I was.

I couldn’t hold on to it, no matter how hard I tried. Not that I was depressed or lacking; it just seemed elusive. Moreover, when I thought I had found happiness, it would slip through my hands.

Around this time, I undertook intense research into happiness. I worked with clinical psychologists in mentoring programs, to better understand the human condition. I read hundreds of books on the topic and attended seminars by esteemed experts in the area.

There was one key element that kept surfacing throughout my research. It was the idea that when we pursue personal growth, happiness is a by-product of the growth achieved. We cannot interrupt the process, otherwise we don’t see the benefits.

You can be unhappy, yet experience enormous personal growth because happiness comes later, once your level of awareness and consciousness has increased. Clearly, you’re invested in your personal growth if you are taking time out to read this article. Part of you identifies with the growth and expansion of your inner being.

Therefore, the universe will place your happiness secondary to your growth, to ensure its aim of expansion is complete. It is more invested in your growth because it serves life’s function of expansion.

Again, I’m not suggesting we don’t pursue happiness because it is evident throughout our relationships, purpose, career, goals and other areas. Happiness is a notable and worthwhile pursuit.

I’m implying that growth is higher in importance because from growth emerges happiness. Furthermore, happiness is not our primary role in life because if it were, why are so many people unhappy? Are you beginning to see that investing in yourself can lead to a happier and fulfilling life?

Focus On Personal Growth Without Sacrificing Happiness

“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.” — Eckhart Tolle

Similarly, growth is not linear. It ebbs and flows, and sometimes we will slip backwards. Sometimes we repeat the same mistakes until we learn the lessons. But nothing is in vain. It doesn’t matter how long it takes to gain the lessons or growth; there’s a lot hinging on the expansion of your consciousness.

Dr David Hawkins, a consciousness researcher and psychiatrist, believed that by elevating our consciousness, it can affect many thousands of people. He outlined a map of consciousness chart, the calibration values of each level.

He believed that one individual at level 700, counterbalances 70 million individuals below level 200. One individual at level 600 counterbalances 10 million individuals below level 200. One individual at level 500 counterbalances 750,000 individuals below level 200.

One individual at level 400 counterbalances 400,000 individuals below level 200. One individual at level 300 counterbalances 90,000 individuals below level 200. Twelve individuals at level 700 equal one avatar at 1,000.

Only 15% of the world’s population is above the critical level of 200. That 15% has the weight to counterbalance the negativity of the remaining 85% of the world’s people. Were it not for these counterbalances, humanity would self-destruct out of the sheer mass of negativity.

You can clearly see why personal growth is fundamental to your life and the survival of our species. So, what can we do to focus on our personal growth without sacrificing our happiness?

It involves focusing on our passion and purpose and living our highest aspirations. Second, we ought to invest in our personal growth regularly. This requires healing our traumas and wounds to transform the past. We ought to practise forgiveness, which must include ourselves. We must strive to find inner peace, even in situations we regard as unpleasant. Finally, we ought to express gratitude for the smallest things because they become amplified, the more we focus on them.

It is with this understanding; I invite you to write 3 to 5 things you could do to enhance your personal growth. It might involve being mindful of your thoughts and negative emotions. You might choose to forgive those you’ve held resentment or anger towards. It might mean making peace with the past or changing your beliefs about it.

Whatever you choose, as you attend to your personal growth, there will come a tipping point where it will translate into fulfilled happiness and expansive joy throughout your entire being.

The post The Universe Is More Invested In Your Personal Growth Than Your Happiness appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

Why You Need To Be Flexible, To Survive And Thrive

We Can Choose Our Attitude

“The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.” — Albert Einstein

How would you describe your life right now? Are you surviving from day-to-day or thriving? I don’t intend to underscore your troubles, but help you gain an insight into your current situation. It takes courage to take an introspective look at ourselves, particularly when we don’t like what we see.

Most people never take this journey because highlighting their shortfalls threatens their self-esteem. The problem is that we stay stuck and stagnant, without growing and advancing. I’m certain if you’re reading this article, you’re not that person. You’re not the person to rest on your laurels because something inside of you identifies with growth and expansion.

Even if you don’t know how to improve your life, you recognise you are not satisfied. If you are not thriving in areas of your life, what is the cause? Honestly, what do you believe is holding you back from achieving your potential in this area?

You might think it is external factors such as the economy, being dealt unforeseen circumstances or something else. I’m not discounting these factors, but we can still choose our attitude and rise above our difficulties.

Do you agree? Do you feel some people are dealt an easy hand, while others have it tough? Be careful how you answer because this is a belief that may impede your growth. Perhaps there’s a reason some people face more difficulties than others. They might be called to serve a greater cause through their purpose.

Life Is Not A Problem To Be Solved

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” — Joseph Campbell

I don’t know your particular story to comment about it, but having coached hundreds of people over the years, I have observed a common theme in many of people’s lives. Those who excel come from unfortunate backgrounds. Some were abused as children; others lost loved ones when they are young. Some experience illness they eventually recover from.

It is why I am drawn to the quote by the motivational speaker Jim Rohn, who said: “The same wind blows on us all; the winds of disaster, opportunity and change. Therefore, it is not the blowing of the wind, but the setting of the sails that will determine our direction in life.”

Life is subject to pain, disappointment and suffering. Some of us suffer more than others, but it is our attitude or what Jim Rohn calls: the setting of the sails that determines our direction in life. It is whether we choose to bounce back from our setbacks and grow from those experiences.

Life is about growth and expansion, and we cannot stop the process any more than interrupting daylight break in the morning. Life weaves her wisdom of impermanence and change throughout our lives, and we can retreat into despair or accept the challenges.

Sometimes we bemoan our experience and believe we are unfairly treated. Feeling victimised does not change reality or our beliefs about it. Life doesn’t care whether we think it is fair. It is not a factor, because fairness is not what life is.

A better question to ask is: what am I being called to learn about this situation? Where is the growth in this challenge? Whom do I need to become to see this situation differently? We’ve got to change our thinking and stop believing life is being imposed upon us.

Life is not happening to us, as much is it is happening for us. When we change how we look at things, the things we look at begin to change. This was the underlying message from the American author, Dr Wayne Dyer.

It is the understanding; life is not a problem to be solved, but to be experienced from the level of the soul. Life is a sea of contrast, and we can choose how we view our difficulties. We can see them through the lens of pain and disappointment or growth and expansion.

It takes a certain mindset to adopt this way of thinking. It doesn’t happen overnight and with enough pain and heartache, we eventually learn that life is pulling the strings and we are a tiny speck in a vast universe, constantly contracting and expanding.

A Flexible Mind Is A Thriving Mind

“Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” — George Bernard Shaw

I often remind coaching clients when they are overwhelmed by their difficulties, to get on Google Earth and appreciate their problems from a distance. It requires stepping back and recognising life isn’t being done to us but expanding through us.

Are you getting the sense that surviving and thriving are different mindsets? If we want to move from one to the other, we must be flexible in our thinking. We need to expand our understanding of our problems and look at them through the lens of growth and opportunity.

A flexible mind is a mind open to change, which is the one thing that flows throughout life. We cannot resist change, otherwise we become stuck and victimised. Life is doing what it does; expanding and contracting.

Given we are the substance of life, we ought to allow it to flow through us instead of running away from our problems. We both know it never works out well when we run away from our difficulties.

With this in mind, I invite you to consider the questions I asked you in the opening paragraph. Sit for 10 — 15 minutes and journal your honest answers to the questions. Approach the exercise as though you were confiding in someone you trust. Here, that someone is your private journal.

Try to get a sense of what is holding you back from thriving. Don’t try to find a solution yet, because that will come when you are open-minded. The key is to identify the problem, and a solution will be borne out of it in due course. Ultimately, a flexible mind is a thriving mind

The post Why You Need To Be Flexible, To Survive And Thrive appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

You Will Never Succeed More Than You Fail And That’s A Good Thing

We Will Never Succeed More Than We Fail

“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.” — Napoleon Hill

How do you define success? Think about your answer over the overcoming paragraphs, since what we believe constitutes success may not be entirely true. For example, most people believe success is about winning and fewer failures, where in fact it is the opposite.

I was watching the American television presenter Steve Harvey, recently who said: “I have failed far more times than I have succeeded. You will never succeed more than you fail… That’s just not how it works. I’ve pitched over 200 show ideas in Hollywood, out of those 200 they have picked 5 in 33 years of pitching.”

So what Harvey is telling us is that his success rate within the last 33 years of pitching ideas to Hollywood is 2.5%. Yet, he is one of the most successful television presenters and comedians, with a net worth of $200 million USD.

To present a similar example, consider the following quote from the basketball legend Michael Jordan: “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

Are you getting the sense that success is not about repeated wins, but not giving up until we achieve our goals or dreams? How about you? Have you experienced success that changed your life?

I’m not talking about fame or financial windfalls but the success we experience with our health, relationships, career or finances. The one common denominator, as Steve Harvey points out, is that we will never succeed more than we fail; and that’s a good thing. We’ve got to be working away at our goal, to have any chance of achieving success.

Failure Sharpens The Saw Of Our Character

“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” — Winston Churchill

In a recent documentary hosted by David Attenborough, a pride of lions living in Africa were followed by a camera crew over twelve-months. Attenborough mentions a lion will fail 9 times out of 10 when hunting prey. A lot can go wrong during a kill, which forces the lion to abandon the hunt.

Therefore, it must try more often in order to feed itself and the pride. Success is the same where it requires commitment and perseverance to achieve our goals. Even then, there are no assurances we will prevail. It takes a strong mindset to achieve success because if we experience repeated failures and setbacks, it can affect our self-esteem.

Has this happened to you with a goal, whether it be personal or professional? It is my experience coaching people over the years; it is rare to meet someone who has the resiliency to keep going in the face of defeat. We need to have a powerful vision for our life, if we want to achieve success. Chances are, the failures and setbacks will stop us in our tracks if we are not committed.

To paint another example, the Navy Seal BUD/S program is designed to weed out those unfit to serve on the front line. The attrition rate is 80% and higher, and that is just the selection process to get into the program.

The attrition rate is high because the program selects only those who are mentally, emotionally and physically skilled at frontline warfare. I appreciate our lives are not as demanding as the Navy Seals entrance program, but success has a high attrition rate because of the resiliency required.

According to the American author Stephen Covey, failure sharpens the saw of our character because it boosts our personal growth. Covey spoke of the need to establish strong habits, and hence why he called it sharpening the saw.

Success Leaves Clues

“Failure is a detour, not a dead-end street.” — Zig Ziglar

Are you getting the sense that success is about who we become in the face of defeat? Zig Ziglar said: “It’s your attitude, not your aptitude that will determine your altitude.” Those we regard as successful have accumulated a lifetime of personal growth to get to where they are.

When I read their biographies, the common denominator is the setbacks they experienced, such as repeated failures, delays and insurmountable odds to reach the pinnacle of their field.

The thing that stands out is their strength of character and the resiliency upon which they create their life. We must fail and fail often, if we wish to achieve any form of success. Moreover, we must examine our failures to see whether we are growing in proportion to them.

However, we mustn’t consider ourselves a failure because failing is not indicative of our self-worth. Failure is a signpost we are trying and the more we try, the greater our chances of succeeding. It bears repeating: we’ve got to be doing the work to have any chance of success. We’ve got to be in the arena doing the gritty work no one else sees or will praise us for.

Knowing this, I invite you to consider an area of your life where you are hoping to succeed. What do you think is holding you back? You might say economic conditions, the Coronavirus pandemic, or something else. May I remind you Jeff Bezos’ wealth grew by $90.1 billion during the pandemic. Bill Gates and other notable billionaires’ personal fortunes also grew during the pandemic.

The point I wish to make is that even during a global crisis, successful people thrive and we can use that to propel us forward. So, take out your journal and write 3 to 5 recent failures you experienced, whether personal or professional. What have you learnt from them? Write how you can use the growth to succeed in the future?

There’s a well-known quote attributed to Tony Robbins who said: “Success leaves clues.” So what clues is success leaving you? Could it be that your failures are sharpening the saw of your character? Journal your answers and take an introspective look within yourself, to see where the opportunities exist. After all, you will never succeed more than you fail because life shape us into the person we wish to become, when success finally arrives on our doorstep.

The post You Will Never Succeed More Than You Fail And That’s A Good Thing appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

It’s Not What Happens That Determines The Quality Of Your Life, But How You Respond To It

Why We Attract The Same Conditions

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” ― Charles R. Swindoll

Everything that happens in our life reflects our inner state of being. It has to because no two people share the same lesson from their experience. Therefore, it underscores that what we think is externalised in our reality, whether we are conscious of it. Many people struggle with this idea and try to change outside circumstances to coincide with their inner state of being. For example, if we are unhappy being single, we will look for a partner. If the relationship falls short of our expectations, we might end it because it hasn’t fulfilled our needs. The same thing happens in other areas of life. We try desperately to change the world outside of us, to make us happy. But this is a recipe for disaster because the key to happiness is to reverse engineer the process.

We must first adjust our thoughts, then we will attract ideal conditions that match our inner vision. Can you identify with this? Have you experienced something similar? It’s a common situation because we are convinced the only way to attain happiness is to change outside conditions. Unfortunately, we cannot change reality and therefore can only control our inner state of being. Can you recall the child toy you played with called a Shape Sorter, where you had to fit a circle, triangle or square into its corresponding shape? The toy is useful for building children’s motor-skill patterns. Some children initially struggle to make a triangle fit into a square hole, but eventually work out the correct block.

I’m proposing we adopt a similar analogy and align our thoughts with our true desires, instead of trying to manipulate reality. Therefore, it’s not our circumstances that determine the quality of our life, but how we respond to it. We must find out why we are attracting the same conditions. For example, do you repeatedly attract the same negative experiences? It might be with your finances, health, relationships or career? I know it’s frustrating because there was a time I was attracting difficult experiences without knowing why. I was spinning my wheels and couldn’t see past my difficulties.

When I stopped trying to change external circumstances and accepted my problems, my life improved enormously. I accepted I was attracting undesirable circumstances and discovered why these patterns kept repeating. I processed my childhood wounds where anger, resentment and shame were operating and sabotaging my happiness. On a conscious level, I knew what I wanted my life to be, but my actions were not conforming to my innermost thoughts. There was a discrepancy in what I wanted and what was materialising in my life. So, I analysed my old beliefs that were creating my difficult experiences and adjusted them to correspond with a new reality.

You Are Not Powerless To Change Your Life

“It’s not what happens, it’s what you do that determines your future.” — Jim Rohn

I realise it might seem like a lot of hard work. But what’s the rush, if you keep repeating the same patterns and attracting negative circumstances? I surprised when people say: “It was meant to be” because what I’m hearing is resignation and apathy in their words. I’m hearing someone who is not in control of their life and feels powerless to change their circumstances. How we respond to our problems is based on our attitude. Our response is how we claim control over our circumstances, instead of allowing them to defeat us. Life is mirroring our innermost beliefs about reality. When people say life is good or bad, I disagree because life is impartial. It is a concealed mirror reflecting what we hold in our heart and mind.

Are you getting the sense that you have more power than you realise? Can you see by directing your thoughts, you shift your life in a different direction? You don’t have to keep recycling the same conditions. I’m assuming since you are reading this article, you are drawn to the message these words convey? I’m assuming you want to make changes, but you are scared or don’t know what steps to take? And that’s okay. It’s okay to be frightened and not know how to get out of your current circumstances; it means you will keep searching for answers. But don’t believe for a second you are powerless to change your life. It may seem that way from your current position because you are a focussed on the problem, not the solution.

So, here’s an exercise I invite to undertake, if you are serious about overcoming your current challenges. In a recent blog article by researcher and lecturer Dr Joe Dispenza titled Five Questions, he invites us to answer five questions regarding our current challenges. I completed the exercise recently on a current problem and found it valuable to look at my situation from a fresh perspective. Instead of dwelling on the problem, I could see how it was contributing to my personal growth. In fact, I came up with five advantages that the problem was contributing to my life. So, after you finish reading this article, take 10 or 15 minutes and complete the questions. See if you can find the hidden treasure contained within your current problem. Give yourself the gift of responding to your challenges differently. It is only when we step outside the box and see our problems from a new perspective that we will change our life completely.

The post It’s Not What Happens That Determines The Quality Of Your Life, But How You Respond To It appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

How To Respond When Your Life Takes An Unexpected Turn

Things Get Easier And Life Goes On

“You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.” — Paulo Coelho

Most people panic when their life takes an unexpected turn. How about you? Have you experienced sudden changes in your life? If so, what lessons did you learn? Reflect on your answers as I outline how to respond when life takes a surprising turn. There’s no doubt these experiences can unsettle us, especially if we are unprepared. It may seem our entire world is crumbling before us, given the uncertainty of the future. But this is just the initial response and seldom lasts. Depending on our circumstances, unforeseen life changes can propel us to a new future we never considered.

Allow me to explain using personal examples. I’ve written previously how I experienced three unexpected changes in my life. The first was losing my father to a long illness. The second turning point came after being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness myself, which I recovered from. The third event occurred when I changed career from a menswear fashion designer to being an author, speaker and coach. I could not have expected these experiences to take place, let alone be here to write about it. One thing I know: the event itself is not as detrimental as we think, but it is our attitude to stay composed that matters most. Since those moments, I’ve experienced other difficulties and setbacks. Therefore, my turning points awakened the resiliency of the human spirit and inherent powers I never knew I had.

Whilst it is a cliché, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger because our challenges turn our weaknesses into strengths. They activate qualities we never knew we had until called upon. For example, if a person loses a parent or loved one to illness, the shock can resonate throughout their life for a long time. I couldn’t drive past the hospital where my father died for two years because of the painful memories. But things got easier. Life goes on and if we are compassionate with ourselves, we can overcome these challenges and become tender in those hard places. It is as though life softens us through our challenges. Do you agree? Have you overcome similar hardships? If so, perhaps the wounds are still fresh, but how are you coping?

Greet Your Difficulties With Curiosity And Openness

“…there are no wrong turns, only unexpected paths.” — Mark Nepo

How we respond when life takes an unexpected turn, determines the trajectory of our future. If we stay stuck in our pain, we remain imprisoned to our wounds. I’m not suggesting we shouldn’t experience suffering. I’m saying we ought to experience all of our emotions such as loss, grief, disappointment, anger or regret. We must allow these emotions to move through us, instead of pushing them under the carpet. So, respond to your challenges by connecting with your emotions fully when life takes an unexpected turn. This alone will help you move through your experience and allow life to carry you to the next destination. I assure you, when you experience a setback, a disappointment or a loss, it gets easier. Not that you don’t experience pain and disappointment, just that you develop the resiliency to get through it each time.

Everyone has a different pain threshold. What one person considers painful may be an inconvenience to another. I’ve discovered through my writing and coaching hundreds of people over the years that we can develop resiliency by being exposed to challenges and setbacks. I’m not saying we purposely subject ourselves to difficulties because life will bring us challenges, regardless. I’m suggesting we respond agreeably and greet our difficulties with curiosity and openness. The curiosity I speak of is being guided to awaken our greater self. I don’t know your particular story, but I’m certain if we were talking over coffee, you would have questions on how to overcome a recent challenge or setback. So, this is how I would respond: embrace what is taking place instead of trying to run away from it.

Running away from pain is not the antidote to healing and transformation. In fact, it is like an avalanche where a rock gathers momentum, rolling down the mountain; taking everything in its path. The same thing happens when we defer life’s important lessons. Although we escape the pain temporarily, eventually it will come back like a roaring tornado and cripple us. So, with this understanding, I invite you to consider the unexpected changes you’re experiencing. If you had to write five key lessons, what are they? How have you integrated those experiences into your life? For example, one lesson I gained through the loss of my father is being more compassionate with myself and others. In fact, it has become my superpower and something I wouldn’t trade anything for. So, whilst an unexpected turn can be a difficult period in our life, if we are sincere with ourselves, it may be the best thing to ever happen.

The post How To Respond When Your Life Takes An Unexpected Turn appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

Why Most Problems Have A Way Of Resolving Themselves When We Get Out Of The Way

Trust Life Knows What It’s Doing

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” — Anne Lamott

When problems occur, what is your first reaction? Do you worry about it and immediately try to fix it? Do you become anxious, frustrated or angry? It’s natural we respond this way, but what if there’s a better way? What if we don’t have to get caught up in the mental muck? We often try to solve our problems with a limited mindset and don’t have all the answers before us. Furthermore, the situation may still be developing and requires more time to take shape. Therefore, our reaction is based on what is taking place at the time, instead of waiting for things to unfold. We become too invested in our problems and complicate matters further.

Sometimes, things are better left to resolve on their own, without trying to force it. Can you relate to this? Can you think of a specific example where you forced something to happen, and things got worse? It happens all the time; we make a mess of our problems when we try to manipulate them. It requires a certain mindset to trust that our problems will resolve themselves when we get out of the way. I’m not talking about apathy or resignation here, but an inherent trust that life knows what it’s doing. Often, circumstances will fix themselves with little or no participation on our behalf. It’s difficult sometimes to know whether we need to take action or leave things alone.

Regrettably, some people take too much action to resolve their problems. If they let things be, even though conditions are not favourable, the problem will fix itself in due course. Obviously, there are matters where immediate action is required such as our health, finances, career or relationships. But often, the more we worry and force a situation, the more out of control it becomes. I’ve noticed this particularly with relationships. If we’re constantly trying to change other people so we will be happy, we are bound to experience misery and disappointment. But if we accept others as they are and change the way we look at things, our problems will settle in due course. I’m not suggesting we tolerate abuse in our relationships. I’m reminding you to accept people as they are, without controlling conditions.

Try A Different Approach

“When we stop trying to control events, they fall into a natural order, an order that works. We’re at rest while a power much greater than our own takes over, and it does a much better job than we could have done.” — Marianne Williamson

Is this something you’re willing to try? Could you respond differently to experience a different outcome? If we respond the same way each time, we set ourselves up for disappointment. It requires a change in thinking, and this can be the troublesome part because we are taking a leap of faith. To take a comedic perspective, I’m reminded of an episode from the sitcom Seinfeld, in which the character George Costanza, played by Jason Alexander, tells Jerry that every decision he has ever made has been wrong, and that his life is the exact opposite of what it should be. Jerry persuades him that “if every instinct he’s ever had is wrong, then the opposite has to be right.” So, George experiments doing the opposite of what he would normally do and experiences a series of fortunate breakthroughs. His life improves when he acts on the opposite of his instincts.

Whilst a fictitious story, there’s an element of truth to it. If we’re not experiencing better outcomes, it makes sense we change how we respond to our problems. I’m encouraging you to trust that life knows what it’s doing and problems we consider unpleasant, will resolve themselves without trying to fix them. Therefore, I encourage you to take this advice and try it out over the coming days. If there’s a problem you’re dealing with that doesn’t need your direct involvement, could you let go of worrying about it? Could you allow life to bring you the best outcome? Could you let go of anxiety and frustration?

If we respond the same way when problems emerge, we train our mind and body to react the same way. Even if the situation is favourable, we might sabotage it because our first reaction is one of anxiety and frustration, instead of patience and trust. I speak from experience and know if I get out of the way and keep my wits about me, a resolution will emerge better than I imagine. It requires practice, patience, and the willingness to try something different, instead of reacting the same way. Go ahead; try it. If you keep a journal, instead of worrying about the problem, journal your thoughts about it. Then you can look back and see how far you’ve come in your personal growth. After all, most problems have a way of resolving themselves because when we get out of the way, life will do its job and bring us exactly what we need.

The post Why Most Problems Have A Way Of Resolving Themselves When We Get Out Of The Way appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

How To Feel Good Often, For No Other Reason Than The Feeling Itself

Become Inquisitive About Your Emotional Life

“Life is the dancer and you are the dance.” – Eckhart Tolle

How often do you feel good, for no other reason than to experience the feelings alone? How do you create these good feelings? Do you listen to music? Exercise? Spend time with those you love or something else? I realise I’m being particular about my questions because I want you to connect with those pleasant emotions. Some people feel guilty because others might be in pain or suffering. Therefore, they feel obligated to downplay their own emotions. But this doesn’t serve anyone, because feeling good about yourself can help to uplift others who are experiencing pain or suffering.

For example, think about when you’re in the company of an inspiring person. How does it feel to be in their presence? Are you drawn to their charisma, energy or enthusiasm? I know when I’m around such people, I am drawn to their attractive personality. I’m not talking about a romantic attraction but the intensity of the energy the person exudes. Our vibration is one of the most powerful mechanisms we have, and learning to control it, can be a significant measure of how we connect with others. Positive and enriching emotions come not only through other people but through ourselves. There is a sense of rapture, as though time standstill when we experience flow states.

We ought to experience more positive emotions without trying to manufacture them, especially if we are sad or depressed. We must connect with all our feelings and experience them without manipulating or anaesthetising them. Our emotions are our guidance system. They are like a sonar that helps us make sense of our world and create our experience of life. The more we connect with the frequency of our emotions and how they flow through us, the richer our experience becomes. Are you happy with this understanding? Can you see that every emotion you experience is true for you? It requires feeling it honestly, instead of trying to change its path. It is about being authentic with ourselves, so we can live a rich and abundant life.

When we feel good often, for no other reason than to experience the richness of the feelings, we align with our core self. This doesn’t mean we will experience positive emotions all the time, since that would be inauthentic. What I’m suggesting is we learn to play with our contrasting states, so we can pull ourselves out of negativity and move to higher emotional well-being. For example, have you ever woken up feeling out of sorts emotionally? There may be no reason for your mood, but it stains the rest of your day and you cannot shake the feeling. We must become inquisitive about our emotional life and process our emotions as honestly as we can. We can then ascend the emotional scale towards freedom, instead of disempowerment.

Connect With What Is Taking Place Inside Your Body

“Put your thoughts to sleep. Do not let them cast a shadow over the moon of your heart. Let go of thinking.” – Rumi

There are many practices and techniques to help facilitate this experience, which I encourage you to explore. If you are working with a trained therapist, they will help you find emotional stability, so you don’t experience high or low points. These high or low points happen when our blood sugar rises after eating sugary foods. We experience a spike in blood glucose levels and feel energised for a short period, then our blood sugar levels drop and we are tired, lethargic and moody. The key is to regulate our emotions, so we are in control, instead of letting our emotions dictate our experience. Are you seeing that you can be in charge of your emotional well-being? It is something you can change. You have the power to regulate your emotions and master how you respond to external situations.

It’s worth re-stating, if you are working with a therapist, they can help you regulate your emotional well-being. For most people, feeling good often, is one of the most beautiful experiences we can have. Long ago, after a gradual awakening, I experienced moments of bliss and joy throughout the day. It felt incredible, beyond what words can describe. I wanted to hold on to these feelings and make them last, yet sometimes they were fleeting, while other times they lingered for hours, sometimes days. For example, I would walk through the park and be overcome with a sense of oneness and radiating energy of love throughout my body.

It felt strange because I didn’t know how to process these feelings. I didn’t know how long they would last. Other times I felt guilty, especially whilst others were experiencing pain and suffering from trauma. So, I suppressed my emotions, believing it would ease their suffering. But it didn’t help them, nor me. Therefore, I learnt to regulate my emotions, so when I experienced enriching feelings, others would benefit from them. As alluded to earlier, when we are in the company of positive people, we can’t help but be drawn to their radiating energy. We can learn to model ourselves on these people and create these emotional states within us. With this in mind, I’d like you to become more aware when you experience positive emotions and journal your experience. Try to connect with what is taking place inside your body. Learn to discern the subtleties of the human body, when you’re feeling good. As you do, you can fill your container of life with more uplifting emotions instead of reliving negative emotions from the past.

The post How To Feel Good Often, For No Other Reason Than The Feeling Itself appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

How To Get Out Of Your Head And Into Your Life

Become An Observer Of Your Thoughts

“Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough.” — Emily Dickinson

How would you describe your relationship with your thoughts? Are you someone that over-analyses everything? Do you look for signs before you take action? This is isn’t about ascribing blame but trying to understand our thoughts better. I used to over-analyse everything. In fact, one of the reasons I began meditating is that I couldn’t fall asleep at night because of the incessant mental chatter. I would analyse my entire day, which lead to worry, anxiety, and fear. Can you relate to this? I’ve met many people over the years who experience difficulties with their thoughts. They believe their thoughts are fixed and cannot change it.

The good news is, we can change our thinking by noticing our thoughts, instead of getting caught up in the mind’s activity. We don’t need to over-analyse everything. The mind is not meant to process thousands of thoughts every day. Doing so can lead to anxiety, depression and other mental health problems. It’s impossible to make sense of life through thought alone because as Albert Einstein once said: “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” The mind that creates our problems is not the same mind that solves them. We must form a new consciousness, in which to resolve our problems. Are you satisfied with this idea because I want you to understand that living from your thoughts is not conducive to your long-term happiness?

So, how do we solve our problems if we cannot do so without thinking? First, I’m not saying we don’t engage in thinking to understand them. Rather, we allow thoughts to occur alongside other faculties, such as intuition. It is said, the heart is the seat of our soul and hence why we cannot count on thought to make sense of life. To better express this idea, when we over-analyse thoughts, who is aware of the thoughts? As you’re reading this article on the screen, you are aware of the voice in your head, aren’t you? But who is aware of the words? Is there someone else in your head? No, awareness is perceiving (witnessing) thoughts in your mind. It is when we drop into this awareness that thoughts come and go, but what remains is pure awareness.

Here’s how to test this idea. The next time you wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom or grab a glass of water, try to be mindful of pure awareness after you wake. However, your mind will immediately generate a thought such as “I am thirsty,” which carries with it a string of successive thoughts. But if you can rest in awareness throughout the day, your thoughts will unhook themselves from the mind. I mentioned in a recent article titled How A Mental Diet Can Reorganise Your Thinking And Improve Your Life, how to disengage from negative inner-talk, via a four-step process. The premise behind this is becoming an observer of our thoughts, instead of engaging with them. Otherwise, we get stuck in an endless vortex of thoughts, without solving our problems.

Trust Life To Play Its Role

“Kiss slowly, laugh insanely, live truly and forgive quickly.” — Paulo Coelho

Have you experienced this, where you get tired and over-stimulated trying to make sense of a difficult situation, without solving it? The key to overcoming life’s problems lies in witnessing our thoughts without becoming invested in what they have to say. Thoughts are saboteurs and it is human nature that we think 60,000 to 70,000 thoughts a day, according to neuroscientists. So, why try to make sense of thoughts when they stream endlessly throughout the mind? We cannot stop the flow of thoughts, any more than stop breathing. What we can do is, observe our thoughts and distance ourselves from the mental chatter. The key is learning to trust the process of life because your problems and difficulties will resolve themselves in due course. People often ask me: “Tony, how can I trust life when a family member is dying of a life-threatening illness?” or “We don’t have enough money to pay the bills?”

We should try to solve these challenges by all accounts. What I’m advocating is that we stop over-analysing them day and night because a solution will rarely appear when we’re stressed. I’m inviting you to engage your intuition and rest in awareness, to bring you the answers you need. Forcing something to happen rarely eventuates; life does not work that way. But if we nurture our mind with harmonious thoughts, and turn it over to the universe, the answers will arrive at the right time. Forcing things to happen is the job of the ego who believes it knows best, whereas the soul prefers to work in higher dimensions. This means engaging our inner guidance and trusting life to play its role. So, are you willing to change your relationship with life? Could you try living differently than before?

If we keep doing the same thing and expect different results, we hang our hat on worry and disappointment. When we change the way we think about life, as Albert Einstein alluded to, we create a shift and move toward our new life. We groove new neural patterns in our mind, which becomes our default way of thinking. If you’ve ever scored a piece of wood with a saw, you will have noticed a permanent indentation in the material. No matter what happens to the wood, the scoring remains visible. This happens to our thoughts when we change our thinking; we form new neural patterns in the brain and create a better future. We literally upgrade the software in our mind. With this understanding, I’d like you to consider a difficult situation you are dealing with. What are three to five ways you can overcome the problem? Once you’ve completed the exercise, put it aside for a while or better still, place it in a box and forget about it. I know it will be difficult, but see if you can trust the universe to bring you the answers in due course. After all, when we get out of our head and into our life, we will experience the destiny that was taking shape all the long.

The post How To Get Out Of Your Head And Into Your Life appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

How A Mental Diet Can Reorganise Your Thinking And Improve Your Life

Reframe Negative Or Limiting Self-Talk

“If you consciously start to change the words you use, you WILL start to change the way you experience your life.” — Emmet Fox

I want to introduce you to an idea that may improve your life. I know I’m making a big claim, which might seem unrealistic at first. All I ask is that you read the article and practice what I outline for at least seven days. That is your commitment to test if this idea will work. Don’t simply read these words and go about your daily life without taking action. After all, I’m asking for seven days’ commitment, which has the potential to improve your life. Only you will know whether this exercise will work for you. Could you make that commitment and take a leap of faith? If so, read on.

I want to ask you: do you often engage in inner conversations with yourself about other people or circumstances throughout your day? For example, if you had an argument with your partner, room-mate, colleague, boss or anyone else, do you replay that conversation in your mind? Do you have inner conversations about your self-esteem, career, health, finances or anything else? Here’s what I mean by self-talk; the inner conversations we have with ourselves about negative experiences. These conversations create our reality as we know it. Most people want to live a purposeful life. Perhaps you want to attract a better relationship or improve your career, health or finances? Maybe you’ve experienced repeated failures and setbacks?

It is my experience that our inner conversations create the conditions of our life. If you believe in the Law of Attraction, you ought to be intentional about what you think about. For that reason, I invite you to undertake a mental diet for seven days and notice any changes that occur within that time. Let me define what I mean by a mental diet, because this is important. A mental diet means re-framing negative or limiting self-talk. It involves avoiding negative news and social media. It means avoiding anything that negatively influences your mental well-being. For example, if you want to be in a loving relationship and you listen to sad love songs; Stop it! This can affect your subconscious mind and create a reality you don’t want.

What I’m proposing here is not a new concept, in fact it was taught by New Thought authors such as Neville Goddard, Emmet Fox & Dr Joseph Murphy. The premise here is the universe eavesdrops on your conversations with yourself and creates your reality around it. Negative self-talk about others is addictive, and we can get stuck in this cycle because it feels good. So, if you had an argument with your partner, you might replay the conversation and give them a piece of your mind (pardon the pun). You replay the conversation day in day out, only to find your relationship doesn’t improve; it gets worse. This is because we are creating these conditions; unaware our inner conversations are building our reality around it. The American New Thought author Neville Goddard wrote: “Everything is a manifestation of the mental conversations which go on in us without our being aware of them. But as civilized beings, we must become aware of them and act with a purpose.” Are you with me so far? Are you willing to accept that what you think about has the potential to create your reality?

Create Your Reality As You Like It To Be

“Talking to oneself is a habit everyone indulges in. We could no more stop talking to ourselves than we could stop eating and drinking. All that we can do is control the nature and the direction of our inner conversations.” — Neville Goddard

Similarly, through self-talk, we might find ourselves in a grim mood for no reason. Is this something you’ve experienced? I know I have. I realised my inner talk was creating these bad moods. It was as though I was physically interacting with this person but in my mind, which contributed to my foul mood. When I stopped these inner conversations, my circumstances shifted dramatically. What I’m proposing is for the next seven days, keep a journal or download a habit tracker app on your phone and track your negative inner conversations.

If a negative thought emerges, simply say to your mind, STOP!Thank your mind (say: “thanks mind, I’m okay” and bring your attention back to the present moment).Observe your thoughts by saying: “I’m noticing I’m experiencing a thought that….Label your thoughts (e.g., not useful, judgement, fear, worry). You can also do this with emotions (e.g., here is guilt).

Be vigilant with this exercise because negative thoughts which you’ve repeated for weeks, months or even years won’t subside by themselves. It requires shifting your attention and breaking the cycle of negative thinking. This process is called Cognitive Defusion, which is a CBT practice to unhook the mind from difficult thoughts. Once you’ve gone through the four steps, it is important to create empowering thoughts to fill its space. So, if you replay an argument with your partner, go through the steps above and imagine or revise the interaction by having a pleasant conversation with them. Feel your way into the interaction and repeat it, so it takes on the flavour of being real. The real benefit of the exercise is that you are priming your subconscious mind to attract a reality as you intend it to be.

I invite you to undertake this exercise for at least seven days and evaluate whether it becomes a lifelong habit. If you are interested in learning more about this idea, I encourage you to search online for ‘inner-talk’ by Neville Goddard or Emmet Fox. Similarly, I urge you to read a popular book by motivational psychologist Dr. Shad Helmstetter called What to Say When You Talk to Your Self. I realise what I’m proposing here may seem impossible, but with small steps, you can change your inner dialogue and influence your life for the better. Start with seven days and observe your thoughts, then evaluate the situation at the end of that period. After all, what we think about, we bring about, and a mental diet is an effective way to reorganise your thinking and improve your life.

The post How A Mental Diet Can Reorganise Your Thinking And Improve Your Life appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

You Suffer Less When You Recognise You Are Pure Awareness And Not Your Thoughts

You Are Not Your Emotions

“When consciously present as what You truly are — Life’s pure aware presence — then what still appears by way of the senses may appear more beautiful and harmonious than ever.” — Peter Francis Dziuban

Consider your answer to the following questions: Who is it that experiences suffering? You might say me, the person reading these words on the screen. But who is me? Point to this person. You will naturally point to your chest. But what makes you sure ‘me’ is located in your chest? I don’t mean to bombard you with riddles, but I’m trying to point out that who we are is not entirely correct. The image of ourselves is a self-constructed narrative. It is wrong because we need self-identification to make sense of ourselves. However, it is only part of the narrative of who we really are.

In identifying with the egoic self, our thoughts become an extension of who we are. We might say: “I am angry” or “I am sad” but this is a label attached to emotions that are transient. If repeated, our mind identifies with it because we have trained it through repetitive thoughts. Moreover, we intensify our suffering by the pain created by these emotions. Therefore, you are not your emotions but the pure awareness and consciousness behind them. To overcome suffering requires welcoming negative emotions and observing them through pure awareness, instead of localising it in the mind.

To test this idea, I want you to try something. Ask yourself the following question: “Am I aware?” Don’t answer with your mind but observe the peaceful state coalescing in and outside your field of awareness. The veil of the egoic mind tries to hijack this knowingness and obscures pure awareness. This is because the ego needs a voice, however, its intentions are not entirely honourable. They are self-serving and get in the way of identifying with our true nature. Pure awareness is also known as awake awareness because it does not need thought or attention to know itself.

Here’s is a simple way to recognise pure awareness. You visit the local park to walk your dog and see another person playing with their dog. Your awareness recognises this, but your mind adds thoughts to explain what it sees, such as “Isn’t that dog cute” or “What a nice breed of dog” etc. Pure awareness instinctively recognises the person playing with their dog and experiences the aliveness of it throughout your nervous system. However, the mind has a habit of adding a narrative and takes control of your experience.

Don’t Manipulate Or Force Anything

“Despite what you may think or feel, you never actually lose the innocence, unconditional love, and adorable quality of pure awareness that you were born with. You just come to believe you did through a process of auto-suggestion.” — Michael A. Rodriguez

Is this making sense? I hope you’re seeing that thoughts are unnecessary in perceiving reality, but become habitual because of our conditioning. Therefore, the psychological pain and suffering we experience results from buying into our thoughts, instead of relaxing into the pure awareness of each moment. This is the message espoused by psychotherapist and meditation teacher Loch Kelly, in his book Shift into Freedom: “Paying attention to automatic thoughts is simply a habit we can change. When you shift into awareness-based knowing, automatic thinking moves into the background, and you experience true peace of mind.”

I’m not suggesting we ignore thoughts altogether. It requires learning to discern what is useful and putting aside what is not useful. For example, a valuable practice to help recognise pure awareness is through meditation. So, while you are meditating and experience a negative thought or emotion, you acknowledge it without identifying with it. That is, be aware of the awareness observing the negative thought or emotion. This simple practice puts the brakes on the mind, which tries to narrate what it thinks or experiences. It is what Loch Kelly means when he talks about automatic thinking moving into the background. We are disciplining the mind to be less reactive, allowing pure awareness to come forth and experience itself. Pure awareness is not something to be actively turned on or off; it only requires uncoupling the mind to allow its presence to be known.

As an exercise, over the next 24 hours when a negative thought or emotion arises, instead of allowing thoughts to hijack you, try to observe them through pure awareness. Naturally, thoughts and emotions will arise and fall. Don’t dialogue with them or try to stop them because this is unnecessary. In fact, welcome them and allow them to be present. They are like enormous waves approaching, but as they hit the shoreline, they break and recede into the vast ocean. This metaphor describes what takes place when negative thoughts or emotions rise and fall within the realm of pure awareness. Your job is not to manipulate or force anything but reside in the presence of pure awareness. This requires practice and I assure you; it is something within your power to influence. After all, if we identify with our thoughts, we will continue to suffer, instead of recognising thoughts are transient. What is permanent is the pure awareness behind our thoughts and emotions.

The post You Suffer Less When You Recognise You Are Pure Awareness And Not Your Thoughts appeared first on Tony Fahkry.