S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 23

The Advice That I Keep Coming Back To (podcast)

Throughout my time sharing online, I have noticed that certain pieces of advice keep coming up. Here, I am starting the year off by sharing with you general advice that will always be important to me, no matter the situation or year.

Click to play!

xx

Journal entry – a dream

I have a dream for my life. And yes, it is a dream and not a plan, for I fear it will never come to be. “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live,” but perhaps Dumbledore never possessed a dream as beatific as this.

A dream of peace. A dream of self security. A dream of bountiful knowing that your life is yours and you are living it well. Ah what a bright, alluring image it is. One of glistening gems aplenty, laid out before me, yet sat perched beyond a veil I cannot penetrate. Temptress!

All I can do is watch from afar and hope one day that you will invite me into your bed. For now, I rest. Not easy; not sound. But rest as best I can in my discomfort and troubled waters. Alone at sea.

Lost? Adrift? Wandering? I know not. But one day found, by you, I hope. Found. One day at peace, I hope. At peace.

A different New Year’s perspective

I think we need to bring balance to this New Year. Where we set goals or intentions or to-do lists, but we also let go of shame and anger that comes with not achieving those things. I’m someone who believes in ambition and doing your best and trying to improve. But I’m also learning about compassion and being god damn human. To allow yourself to just exist. To allow yourself to have a period of just doing life without the pressures of needing to achieve and progress and perfect yourself.

It’s about balance. It’s always been about balance.

The trouble is balance is hard to attain. That’s why it’s a very spiritual idea in a lot of cultures. You think of perfect balance as an enlightened person’s achievement, not something we laymen can obtain. And it is a job. It’s something you work on often. And it comes back to my favourite thing: awareness.

Awareness of where you’ve lost balance. Awareness of polarisation or extremes in your life. Awareness of where you’re not allowing yourself space to shift and move along a continuum.

And I don’t know about you but it’s the last week of 2021 (as of writing this) and I don’t feel all that excited to set goals and plans like I usually do. In fact I’m a bit exhausted trying to make my life and myself better.

Get better grades…

Own and wear better clothes…

Eat better and cooler meals…

Be better for the planet…

Go to better destinations…

Workout more and improve the strength of my body…

These are all exciting and important things to me and perhaps to you, too. But aren’t they sort of obvious? Do we really need to write them down at this point? Does it work?

I’m not so sure.

I’ve changed my life over the last 5 years and I’m not sure it’s self-help and writing down goals that did that for me.

So what was it?

In the new year a lot of people want to change in the following areas:

FitnessEducation CareerFinances Relationships Hobbies and skills Travel and experiences

At the end of the day, what changes those things for you? Action and awareness.

What do you spend most of your time, energy and money on right now and where can that be cut and redistributed to be more effective?

Sounds easy, but it’s not.

And that’s the issue, we have low attention spans and we want quick fixes. So what’s the point in writing goals and lists that remind us of what we want (and want right now!) just to feel awful that it didn’t happen?

Instead, if you do like lists (like I do), make them kinder and realistic and fair. In the new year, you’re still you and your life is the same so take that into account. Meet yourself where you’re at!

This means that if you have never eaten a veggie meal in your life, don’t expect to become a full vegetarian next year. If you’ve never made more than £20k a year in your life, don’t expect to make £100k next year. If you’re a couch potato, don’t expect six-pack abs next year.

These things aren’t impossible, of course, they’re just not kind or fair for you considering where you’re at right now. And that’s okay.

Instead, try:

To workout routinely at least once a week (if you never do) for 3 months Set a goal/intention/focus for ways to improve once a month, once a week, a once a day. So only 3 focuses!Reevaluate your goals and intentions quarterly, not once a year Focus on one big area of improvement (bonus if it’s something that has a knock-on effect on other things, like eating better helps you to sleep better, improve how your body looks and performs, makes you feel more confident, think more clearly etc)

I guess what I’m saying here is, let go a bit. If you’re someone who had spent the last five years obsessing about who you are and improvement, maybe this is the year where you don’t do that as much!

Don’t get me wrong; don’t misunderstand me. I still care about growth. I care about progression and not being stagnant. Time is precious, and you can’t waste it being a layabout!

BUT!

It is healthier, more fun, and exciting to let go of the reigns and spend a year having fun and being curious and doing things just for joy above all else. That’s what my vibe is for 2022.

I believe that as long as you’re not mindless (even better if you’re mindful) and you are aware of what you’re doing and why, you’re good, bro! You will grow. You will learn. You will make healthy decisions. If you know who you are, or what you want, and choose authentic joy, that brings confidence and growth and experiences to learn from.

Bring balance back into your life by enjoying it while you grow. By relaxing as much as you work hard. Is that so bad?

What’s your new perspective for the new year?

Sincerely,

S. xx

What my new year motto means to me

This year, the interesting-sounding 2022, my motto is:

Trust and enjoy yourself

Simple, yes, but powerful. Here’s why. Perhaps joy is something not put first but it is actually a profound and important way to progress and be happy in life.

If you decide to just do things because you enjoy them, and trust that instinct, it can’t really lead you wrong, right?

You’ll feel happier because more of what brings you joy is in your day to day life. And you’re not telling yourself “I should be doing something else” which only steals from your joy.

As Hank Green said,

“You will always struggle with not feeling productive until you accept that your own joy can be something that you produce.”

And isn’t that just beautiful? We don’t allow ourselves to seek just joy. It has to be happiness and success and achievement and money and glory.

What happened to doing something for the pure act of doing it? The joy that it brings?

And of course, I don’t mean toxic things. The joy of junk food everyday or going back to bad relationships.

Instead, the joy of running like a mad man in the park. The joy of playing video games with your friends. The joy of singing and dancing like no one is watching!

Because no one is watching…

No one really cares about your “success”. Sad, perhaps. But I see it as liberating. I can take my time and enjoy myself towards success. Because no one is timing me and pushing me and berating me for not getting there quicker or doing this life thing in the “right way”.

There is no right way.

So to enjoy my life means feeling like I’m doing more of what brings me joy. That I feel confident in my choices because it’s what I’m called to in terms of joy and enjoyment. To trust myself because I’m choosing my joy thus choosing feel-good vibes only.

I’m not avoiding habits or goals. I’m not avoiding life, pain, or progress. It’s just not my focus. Or rather, my intention behind any habits and goals is enjoyment.

So if I want to move my body more actively, can I do that from a place of joy? What does it look like to sweat and be breathless but be happy about it?!

If I want to see new things and do new things, how can I make this easy and joyful and trust that it’s the right things?

If I want to read more, what would make it enjoyable (I’m pretty good at this by now anyway, but you get that idea).

My 2022 will be a success if I can look back and know that I confidently enjoyed myself. I didn’t let external factors take my joy away. I trusted myself and had fun and progressed without pushing. I saw new things, did new things, grew as a person, while smiling and running towards these things instead of running away from who I am.

What’s your motto for 2022?

Sincerely,

S. xx

My 2021 Overview

Completed a draft of a MG novel at 45k wordsStarted 4 more novels – wrote 20k words towards theseRead 41 booksRead books that were more diverse, which is very important to meMaintained my podcast and blog semi-regularlyWent to Swansea beaches and hiked to Old Harry RocksMoved house to a better area and better house; made a happier homeGot a 1st in my final literature essay (40% of my grade)Got a 1st for my literature module over all (how the hell did that happen?!)Secured a solid 2:1 for second year of Uni over all (including last year’s module)Rode my new bike for a few monthsLost some weight (wasn’t aiming to, but “needed” to a bit, so this is a positive)Started therapy again and it was very helpfulMassages and spa day, relaxing with my partnerMade my first pumpkin pie and sweet potato pie for the festive seasonsPatrick’s American Football awards evening, where he won two awards!!Time with my new nephew, EzekielPub quiz night and didn’t lose! Made some new connectionsPumpkin carving and pumpkin spiced latte Halloween vibesMany HelloFresh meals and trying new foods, such as: squash, aubergine, rigatoni, risotto, Family bbq funTried new hairstylesMet my cousin’s new baby, KaiOur friends came over to our new house Christmas Eve celebration at our new house with the in-laws, fun family quizChristmas Day at new house with my mom – we cooked Christmas dinner Boxing Day with our nephew for the first time!Great films watched at the cinema

I hope you had a great year, here’s to another (even better, perhaps?). I’m grateful for all the good and welcome more of the same…

Happy New Year!

Sincerely,

S. xx

2021 Reading Stats

Interesting and important topics I covered in my reading:

GangsPolice brutalitySexualityGender identityAttentionHabitsSlavery and colonisation (if it were white people that it happened to)Original fairy tales Forced marriageFacts about the world / stats that prove we’re doing better than we thinkShame and perfectionism

Total number of books read = 41

Number of physical books read = 17

Number of audiobooks listened to = 10

Number of ebooks read = 14

Total number of pages read = 11,947

Average book length = 296 (I read some shorter ones the last week of December!)

Total number of audiobook hours = 108 hours

Longest physical book read = 636, Goblet of Fire

Shortest physical book read = 67, Notting Hill Carnival

Longest audiobook read = 26hrs, Priory of the Orange Tree

Shortest audiobook read = 3hrs 11, Can We All Calm Down

Number of authors of colour/non-white authors read = 11

– of which weren’t black = 3

Number of LGBTQ authors or stories read = 8

Number of books featuring POC/non-white main character read = 12

Number of books NOT set in a westernised country = 2

Number of non-fiction books read = 9

Favourite non-fiction read = Untamed or This Book Is Gay

Favourite fiction read = A Very Large Expanse of Sea or Hello Mum

Least favourite read = And the Ocean Was Our Sky or I Thought It Was Just Me (both authors I enjoy, but these are these worst books, IMO!)

How did you do? Happy reading in 2022!

Sincerely,

S. xx

My 2022 Vibe (podcast)

Another year has come and gone. This year I wanted to root down and settle into my life. I feel like I didn’t quite achieve this vibe, and that’s okay. There were a lot of external factors influencing this feeling, but I’ve worked on those things and I think settling in will happen more naturally next year anyway.

Therefore, with 2022 upon us, I have new intentions and focuses for the New Year. Here is the vibe I’m going for in 2022…

What’s your focus for the new year?

Click to play!

Happy New Year!

xx

Make Life More Comfortable and Enjoyable (podcast)

I’m sorry that I’ve been absent so much lately. I did anticipate this, but with work, university, writing projects, and moving house recently, I’ve been a busy bee. Here is my penultimate podcast episode of the year, rambling about the little things and how we can make life a little more enjoyable and thus better in the long run.

Click to play!

xx

Calling Summer (poem)

Take me back to summer

Or forward,

I don’t mind.

Just release me from this bind

Of winter, gripping like ice

How nice it would be to feel warm

Again. Play outside again.

Sunlight and freedom and long days

Again.

Summer’s shining serenity calls

I want to answer

But for now, I must wait

With baited cold breaths

6 months away, half a year of this

Dark, grey, cold blanket bliss

It’s okay. It’ll do.

Until summer returns

And I do, too.

Don’t be blinded by the negative

Why don’t we allow ourselves to be happy? Why do we steal from ourselves so often?

I cried during yoga the other day because a thought came into my head and overwhelmed me:

Good things are allowed to happen to me…

Why did this bring me to tears? Why did this resonate so much? Because I clearly don’t believe that to be true. I’m suspicious when things are going well. As if the inevitable downfall is soon to come. Something good can’t happen without something awful happening to cancel it out.

Maybe you think I’m nuts but Brene Brown thinks we all are guilty of doing this at times. She calls it foreboding joy. We look at the gifts in our lives and then suddenly picture something awful happening and it all being taken away.

One of the students I work with finds it hard to be optimistic. From his view, it’s better to expect the worse so it doesn’t hurt as much if it happens. And many of us think this way, too, right? It feels like worrying or thinking about the worst makes us prepared for it.

In way, yeah maybe we can better prepare but I’d say that’s more realism than pessimism. Realism is knowing there’s good and bad in all things. Shit happens. Pessimism is just…suffering twice. You feel the pain of the worrying and fretting and imagining and then the pain of the real thing as well. Because for many things, you can’t stop it from coming by worrying and you’re not actually better prepared for it at all. It’ll still hurt when it comes.

So maybe, just maybe, good things are allowed to happen to and for us. That these things don’t come with a time limit or a restriction or a counter balancer. It just is what it is. It’s good and beautiful and it’s not dangerous to appreciate it.

In fact, even if something awful did happen, you’d regret not appreciating it while it lasted, right?

Next year I really want to remember this. To Remember two big things that I keep forgetting: good things are allowed to happen to me and I can do hard things.

My counsellor reckons I lack self-trust. I don’t trust myself to be able to handle things. And I don’t trust that good things will happen for me, like it does for others. I’m clearly blinded by the negative.

Yeah I feel behind in life. Yeah I’m scared of responsibility. Yeah I’m not where I want to be. Yeah I’m not the smartest, prettiest, funniest, etc. But there’s so much I have done. Will do. Can do. There’s so much that I have to offer this world. I need to focus on that. Appreciate that. Love that. Use that.

Focus on the good that has happened and the hard things I have done, not everything yet to come that’s outside of my control.

If you’re feeling low or lost or scared, maybe you’re not trusting right now. Maybe you’re not seeing the good clearly. Maybe you’re blinded by the negative. Shift your perspective by doing any of the things below:

Write a list of your strengthsWrite a list of your accomplishments Write a list of the things you were scared to do but you did them (no matter how small) Read something motivationalWatch something motivational Sit with gratitude for the good things in your life (say it aloud or write it down) When something good happens, be happy about it and welcome it and be grateful for it

Sincerely,

S. xx