S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 19

You’re not unhappy, you’re tired

I’ve woke up each morning feeling increasingly tired. But instead of thinking “I’m tired”, I’ve felt unhappy.

This is burnout. This is exhaustion.

You can sleep each night and still feel tired. When you’re mentally, emotionally, physically, or spiritually drained, it takes more than just one or two good nights’ sleep to fix it.

You need to rest while awake, too. You need to speak kindly to yourself. You need to work on what might be causing you stress, anxiety, or tension. You need to basically pay attention to this feeling or state and do something about it.

Here are some things to do if you’re feeling tired/ burnt out:

Shorten the to-do list

Clearly, you’re in need of a slower day. We can’t always say that we’ll do nothing all day. And if you’re like me, you get itchy when doing nothing anyway. But you can, and must, shorten your to-do list when you feel like this.

Expect less from yourself

Instead of 5 things you need to do, do 3. The world won’t end! If it does, that’s a worry…

Do something you love

If you love to travel/go on holiday and can afford to do so, now is the time! Your body and mind may be calling for a reset. Being somewhere new and taking things slower because you’re in an unfamiliar place is a great way to refill the figurative cup.

What’s you’re favourite book, film, song, sport, restaurant, activity, whatever else? Do that! Feel good. Treat yo’self!

Detach from the energy suckers

There are people and places that just suck away at our energy. Whether they know it or not, mean to or not, we need space away from that right now. Identify who and what they are in your life and just try to distance yourself for a bit. Step back and watch the difference it makes to your energy levels.

(If this is your workplace, try to list what specifically is making you feel this way. Then, see if you can change it yourself, speak to those involved, or if needs be, look for somewhere else to work because your health is more important.)

Ask for help

There is no shame in asking for support from others. Read that again. Why do so many of us get worried or embarrassed about asking for help? It doesn’t make you coolly independent and stronger than others to do everything alone to the point of fatigue, burnout, exhaustion, and even depression. That’s just being unkind to yourself. That’s just trying to prove a point that doesn’t need to be proven.

Western society seems to put people on a pedestal for sending themselves to an easy grave by hustling and being alone in the struggle. But the secret is, everyone needs help. The most successful people have had cheerleaders, support systems, partners, friends, and teammates along their way.

A problem shared is a problem halved

Instead, love yourself and care for yourself by asking for help. Let your manager know you need help with a project right now. Let your partner know you need them to pick up a bit more of the load around the house. Let your friends know you need them to rant to, or hang out with, or for a night in instead of going out.

Gentle activities

I’ll always suggest something gentle but if you are someone who finds rest and rejuvenation from more active things, then go ahead. However, gentle things may be what you need right now and they’re just as valuable (if not more in my opinion).

YogaPilatesWalkingReadingJournallingFavourite film or TV showCooking mindfullyWritingDrawingPaintingKnitting

Take care of yourself

And lastly, the obvious. Look after yourself. It can be easy to neglect your needs when you’re busy or stressed. Instead, now is the time to prioritise your health no matter what.

If you don’t get the promotion because of this, then maybe you need to reevaluate why you wanted it in the first place if it’s driving you to a bad place. If your relationship dwindles because you’re looking after yourself, that should be a concern and a conversation, too.

Choose more nutritious mealsStretch your bodyIncrease your heart rate with activityClean and tidy your home spaceCheck on your financesTend to your hygieneDo your hairAllow for an hour extra in the morning so you can get ready more slowlyPlan your week ahead (so you feel more prepared and less stressed)

Tiredness and unhappiness go hand in hand for me. I think it’s because of my insomnia as a teen and the depression and anxiety I had around that time. Whether they are linked or not, we know what we can do to feel less burnt out, tired, and low mood. We just need to do those things.

If it’s more serious please go to see your doctor or therapist.

Be well.

Sincerely,

S. xx

Biracial Hair Journey: the struggle is real

Is it just me, or do you feel like you hate your hair nearly every day? As a biracial woman (white and black Caribbean) I want to embrace my natural hair. To let my curls run free and wild. But I’m really struggling.

They’re not… healthy?

They’re not curly… enough?

And I don’t know how to style them.

I don’t know how to keep them moisturised.

I don’t know how to maintain them throughout the week without washing again, which is time consuming and not good for curly hair!

I just feel like I can’t win.

It’s a real headache and I have cried on numerous occasions because of my hair when it’s just not working. I feel like I learn something new, a technique or routine, try it, maybe it even works, but then it just stops working!

There are so many products out there for curly hair that it’s overwhelming. Even my hairdresser (who is finally a woman of colour who specialises in curly hair) said it’s about finding what works for you. So what, I’m supposed to spend hundreds of pounds and waste products trying to find the right thing?!

Wth?!

And to straighten my hair feels like I’m neglecting my “black side”. I’m being “white” instead. That I’m not being natural and neglecting my true self.

So for me, my hair journey has intertwined with a journey of selfhood.

It’s an identity crisis.

Extreme? Perhaps. But that’s how it feels. If I had big, beautiful, defined curls that I could style confidently, I’d feel confident too. I’d feel like a natural, biracial queen! But no. There’s a disconnect. Frustration. A barrier.

And then there’s womanhood. I feel like our hair is a key part of who we are, and that’s especially important for women in the western world. I feel less attractive when my hair doesn’t look on point.

Confidence means holding you head high, but if your hair doesn’t look good, you don’t hold it high, right?

I’ve felt called to cut my hair. Like all of it. Okay not all of it, but most of it. To get a short pixie cut or something. Start again.

This is good for my curls but ultimately, to be honest, I just want to stop having to worry so much about my hair for a while. It’s so much effort and it’s taking all of my mental energy. It’s stressful at times, quite frankly. So to be able to wake up and have so little hair that it doesn’t take much to sort it, that’s a weight off my shoulders.

I don’t want my hair to take up more of my time and cause me to feel low. I don’t want my hair to be a stressor. I don’t want to put in the effort for little to no reward, either.

I don’t know if I’ll do it. I’m scared I won’t like it but there’ll be nothing I can do about it. When it’s so short, you can’t put it up to hide it away. That’s scary. I’m also worried about getting bored but being stuck with the same style each day.

We’ll see. I just wanted to share this in the hope that I’m not crazy or alone in feeling this way. Where my biracial gals at?

Sincerely,

S. xx

How to Raise Your Vibe (confidence and joy)

We are halfway through 2022, ahhhhhh! At this time, I like to reflect on what worked and what didn’t. To review my goals, make changes, and pat myself on the back when needed.

I wanted a new focus for the second half of the year, especially as I’m really happy with the first half. I feel like I’ve done well and progressed without even really meaning to. I think this is down to one thing: I’ve been happier this year.

When you’re happy (content, joyful, at peace within), you make better decisions. You see more clearly. You take care of yourself and those around you. And so, I want to carry that vibe into the rest of 2022 (and beyond!). I want to raise my vibe and try to keep my confidence in a good place.

Now don’t get me wrong, you can’t always be happy, always feel confident, or always feel at peace. That’s not how human beings work. Life is full of ebbs and flows, ups and downs, yin and yang. But even embracing the balance of these things is a way to protect your vibe. A way to not sink lower than you need to when hit with those lows, right?

Here are some ways that I will try to protect and raise my vibe/energy in 2022…

That good burn

I think confidence and joy and that feeling of being on a good vibration of energy comes from doing things that are active. This doesn’t have to be just exercise. And sadly, exercise has a bit of a bad rep for a lot of us. Instead, it’s just anything active that feels like you’re shedding a shell. You’re shifting internal energy. You’re breaking free from any physical, mental, or emotional weight.

Not everyone believes in or cares about chakras, chi, energy, the spirit, and whatever else but I think I do. I’m undecided! But I do know for sure that when I’m moving my body in a good way, I feel less stressed, tired, weak, or anxious. I feel like I am shifting energies and raising my vibe. Call it endorphins if you like, and maybe it is just this, or a mixture of these things, it doesn’t matter. That’s just semantics.

Instead, it’s about the feeling. I feel good after running, strength-based exercise, combat workouts, yoga, dancing, cleaning the house, or whatever else. Actively doing things, feeling that good burn, gets you to raise above the murkiness you’ve been feeling.

You rise above it all, even if only briefly.

Feel expensive

No, you don’t need to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe (I wish, urgh). All you need to do is wear what you do have that makes you feel good. Play around with the clothes you have to create something that feels new. Don’t save the good outfit for a special ocassion. Being alive is special! Every day can feel special in this small way by simply wearing a good outfit.

It’s also important to connect with and embrace your personal style. Don’t chase trends (it’s toxic, expensive, and bad for the environment, never mind your vibe!). Know who you are, what you look good in, what colours compliment your skin, and what clothes compliment your shape and size. Are you preppy, sporty, chic, bohemian, old-school, artistic, or other? Knowing this helps you buy with intention, and wear things that are a vibe for you personally.

Underwear goes a long way. You might be the only one who sees it, but it’s again about the feeling you get from wearing them. Frumpy underwear that doesn’t fit, doesn’t flatter, and doesn’t match can lower your vibe. You walk differently when your underwear is sexier or cooler or well-fitting to your body type.

The little details of an outfit go a long way. Jewellery, makeup, shoes, accessories, that pin in your hair, a coat of polish on your nails. Attend to the details. A little effort goes a long way to raising your vibe.

Rhythm and movement

I want to start my day dancing. Yes, dancing! A mini motivational morning party session! This raises your vibe. Yeah I’m going to work, and maybe I’m tired or stressed, but I can put on some good music and wriggle my hips and shake my head and boom, a shift in energy. A rise in my vibe. You feel happier, more confident, and carefree. Let the rhythm beat through your body, embrace your soul, and lift you higher.

“Dance to the beat of your own drum,” they say. You can only do this when you A, play your drums, and B, actively listen to them. Find what your groove is. Find what rhythm works for you in all areas of your life and get dancing (literally and figuratively).

Connect deeply

Surface-level living is a surface-level experience. We need depth. I think perhaps our world is begging for it. It doesn’t need to be spirituality. It doesn’t need to be meditation or prayer. But we do need to connect. How?

Disconnect from our phones/media/technology periodically Meet people face-to-faceCultivate an awareness of your body: how is it feeling, what does it need?An appreciation for your physical spaceReflect on your day, week, or month by considering how it felt, what you did, and where you found joyBe grateful for the things that feel high vibe in your lifeExplore ideas, people, places with kind curiosity and openness

Why bother? It improves our mood. It helps guide us into making better decisions. It helps us to be more confident in who we are, what we’re doing, and most importantly, why. Not knowing these things on a deep level can mean you coast through life and your energy/vibe/joy/peace/confidence feels more erratic and uncontrollable.

Nurture the things in your life

These are physical, mental, and emotional things. We need to cultivate compassion for our minds. Treat ourselves like children, who we want to love, care for, and guide, not berate, scold, and punish.

It might sound lame but kindness towards yourself can really help nurture a positive and energy-giving vibe. It’s like the difference between someone holding your hand as they guide you up a mountain to someone lighting a fire behind you to make you run up it. Sure, you might get there faster with the fire option! But are you happy on the way? No. You’re breathless and afraid and panicked. You’re not appreciating the view, resting as needed, and taking time to feel joy in your progress with each step. That’s a higher vibe. That’s a beautiful and more self-assured journey to take.

Focus

And lastly, we need to focus on our own grass in order for it to grow everlasting green. Peering over other people’s fences, comparing, and competing, is not healthy. There’s fun in competition to a degree, of course, but not when it breeds fear, shame, anger, or frustration.

We need to focus on what we want, who we are, what we love, what we want to create, how we want to shape the world, and what’s important to us as individuals.

Focus means you’re more likely to be successful in your endeavours. Instead of straining to hear the rhythm of other people’s music, you need to blast your own and dance to the beat of your own heart.

We are a society of the distracted. The stressed. The confused. The abundant. The overwhelmed. Raising your vibe needs to be an active choice each day, otherwise, you become swept up in the busyness and loudness of things that don’t matter; or other people’s wants and needs instead of your own; or the bleakness of a world in pain.

Don’t isolate yourself. Don’t hide from the reality of the world and other people’s suffering. Instead, protect your vibe actively by nurturing it and focusing. Then be the meerkat who pops his head out of the sand, looks around, and lends a helping hand from a good place all because you have that strength and good energy within to share.

Sincerely,

S. xx

How I plan to consistently write this summer

I plan on having a writing-heavy summer! This means having a plan and also being flexible. I think that’s where we can fall short with any of our goals; not having a clear plan to follow even when tired or confused, or not being flexible enough with our plans so that we can veer off the path, adapt, and still succeed.

Anyway, here is how I plan to write consistently this summer.

Multiple projects

It can be dangerous but this year I have four writing projects on the go! Luckily they’re all very different. They are ideas that I have worked on this year and would like to write at some point. This means no matter my mood or energy level or inspiration, there is always something I can be writing.

Challenges set

I have set myself a friendly challenge with reminders clear on my phone and in my planner. This challenge isn’t a harsh one. But it does inspire me to try harder and leave excuses behind.

I have a day counter on my phone which counts down until the challenge is complete, so I know how long I have left and it acts as a deadline. I have a word count note on my phone and printed off so I can see how I’m progressing. I also have a habit tracker for writing in my planner so I can see how often I’m writing.

Mixing it up

This year I am allowing myself to write in different genres and mediums. This means I’m less likely to get bored and stop writing. I get to write something, as I said before, regardless of mood or interest.

Feeling fantastical? Write my middle-grade fantasy. Feeling gory? Write my adult fantasy. Feeling introspective or contemplative? Write my young adult, magical realism contemporary. Feeling low on energy? Write my magical realism short story collection.

Writing space

I have a desk, but I sadly don’t use it as much now that I live away from my mom’s house. But I know I write better at my desk. Having a dedicated writing space tells your brain that it’s time to write. So find a space, make it nice, and use it!

Writing buddies

Having friends who are writers helps a lot. I plan to speak with my writing buddies often throughout the summer so that we can motivate one another. Even if it feels like bragging, I want us to tell each other when we have a good writing session so we can motivate one another to get going.

Flexibility

I am allowing myself to write what I feel called to write. This means flexibility of projects, length, content, etc. Forget the rules! I’m not a published author or writing to a deadline set by a publishing house, so I’m allowed to be flexible and free and write for fun. As long as I’m always writing!

Scale it back

Smaller milestones and expectations relieve the pressure and make it easier to get into things. If I say that I need to write 5,000 words today, I will feel more resistance and fear. Instead, 500 words is a more manageable goal. The same goes for total novel length. Forget about the rules. The first draft of any story doesn’t need a set word count. Who cares at this point in your journey?

Yes, publishable manuscripts need to meet certain word length requirements but drafts don’t! Write it as rough and quick and messy and short as you want. Just write.

Low expectations

Let it be rough as hell! Write the girl went to the shop and had some fun. It’s fine. It’s a draft. Lower your expectations. It doesn’t need to be Neil Gaiman-good right now.

Get to the point

Cut to the chase and forget the fluff for the moment. If all my scenes are rushed and fast-paced, that’s fine! Lots of novels have fluff that isn’t needed anyway. A draft doesn’t need it.

Start a scene as late into it as possible, and end it as quickly as possible. That means your characters don’t need to walk down the road, then get on the bus, then say hello to their friends… Just start the scene where the action is, make something happen that’s important, then get out of the scene.

Have fun

If I’m not enjoying it, what’s the point? Yes, writing isn’t always fun or easy. Sometimes you do have to push yourself to get started even when it’s hard, but it should be a story that brings your joy. One you’re excited to write. If it’s not fun for you overall, take a step back and ask why. Make a change. Make it fun again!

There you have it, some of my ideas on how I will hopefully consistently write this summer. It’s working so far, but I want even more consistency! Check out 2020’s writing manifesto if you’re interested in more ideas.

Happy writing!

Sincerely,

S. xx

Feeling Resistance When You Sit Down to Write?

Sometimes when you sit down to write, you’re excited and ready to get words on the page. Other times, not so much. Here are some quick tips to get you writing when you’re feeling inner resistance!

Get up and move your body instead; endorphins = energy and ideas Have a plan ; if you know what you need to write next, it helps you get it done rather than relying on your inspiration to hit at the right timeGive yourself a pep talk: remind yourself of your accomplishments before or what you know you can do Set a timer for 15 minutes and tell yourself that you only have to write for that time then you get a reward5-minute Pinterest allowance to inspire story contentRemind yourself of any goals or challenges you’ve set for yourself and why Use a prompt and write something random for 2, 5, 10 minutes Read something ; if you’re not writing, at least read (it could inspire you, or educate you, or entertain you! Just don’t watch TV)Go through your notes to reinspire you about your story; or read over the last scene you wrote Journal in a stream of consciousnessSpeak to any writing buddies (or non-writing buddies) for a pick me upDo what I’m doing right now (blogging!)Forget goals and rules, just aim to write SOMETHING, ANYTHING! Remember why you started ; write that down where you can see it Just start , even if you write the dumbest sentence ever (it can be deleted in revisions!)

There you have it, some quick ideas on how to get writing when you don’t feel up to it. Good luck and happy writing!

Sincerely,

S. xx

The formula for an easy life

The older I get, the more I realise that to have an easy life, you need to do two things:

Work hard on creating the right systems and want less.

Easy. Done!

Not quite.

In order to get to a place where your life feels “easy”, you need to work incredibly hard to make it that way. You need to find what works and eliminate what doesn’t serve you. This takes time and practice. You need to work on your health so that life can run more smoothly for you. Your health maintenance isn’t easy and doesn’t work on autopilot. You need to make it work every day like clockwork so that it becomes routine.

This is all to say that you need the right systems that work for you. Systems are habits and routines that become your lifestyle.

Knowing what meals are easy, cheap, nutritious, and delicious for your body. Knowing what workouts feel good and get your heart rate to the right level. Knowing how and when you work best, create in flow, or attend to your chores effectively.

It’s about knowing yourself, inside and out, which can take years of work.

The other thing to consider for an easy life full of systems that work is an awareness of changes in your life. When you need to adapt your systems (routines and habits) to fit a new goal, circumstance, or need. A new mother, for example, will probably not have the same systems as a twenty-year-old athlete. Your systems need to fit the lifestyle you want and the place you’re at in life. Be realistic and kind with yourself.

System = choose something actively, doing it, building habits, habits become routine, routine becomes natural, this becomes your lifesytle!

The second part is wanting less. This takes less time but it’s difficult in a society of abundance and overconsumption. We always feel we need more. This causes a life of desperation, need, and yearning. Never fulfilled. Never enough.

It’s stressful.

Instead, being content with less; being intentional about what you want and need; being authentic and focused on your own values and desires (quieting the noise of others telling you what you want); and being essential about what matters to you, can cultivate a life of more ease.

For example, if I felt like I needed (really wanted) a massive, glamorous wedding, I would “need” a lot more. This means spending more money and taking more time. I don’t have that kind of money, so I would need time or loans or familial help in order to manifest my ideal wedding. This can cause financial stresses and familial tensions. Whereas scaling it back and wanting or needing less from my wedding day means I’m happier and it’s simpler for me to get what I want and need.

I need a cup of delicious coffee to be happy = easy;

I need a million pounds to be happy = hard!

I’m not saying you can’t have big things! That you can’t have the glamorous wedding, or the big house, or the fancy car, or the dreamy husband, or whatever else. Of course you can. Just as long as you are true in your desires. As long as you know that those things aren’t all there is.

I for one feel so content just playing Scrabble on a weekend with my fiance! Boring? Maybe to some, but not to me. And I have to say that it means I am a lot happier than some people because I need less to feel joy. I don’t get disappointed because my weekend wasn’t filled with adventure or fancy meals. Are those things good? Hell yeah! I like to dress up and eat good food; I like doing cool new things and sharing the story afterward. I just don’t need them as regularly, therefore I’m less disappointed, have a simpler life, and feel more at ease with what I have.

It’s so easy to become jealous, though, isn’t it? I felt a massive wave of it when I saw a friend away in America doing cool things. Why can’t I go away like that? Why is he always abroad, spending lots of money, and I’m not? It hurts. FOMO is real. Envy is a strong emotion. And it’s not bad. It’s not ugly. It’s valid. It’s feedback. It’s telling you what you desire.

The trouble comes when you sit in that emotion and do nothing about it. I deleted Instagram so I wasn’t triggered so easily. Simple. I then journalled about my envy. I then remembered that my partner and I have increased our annual wages this year already and we are saving more money, which means more opportunities to do the things we want to do.

When we focus on our own wants and needs, honestly and compassionately, we can work to tend to what is essential in our lives. We can begin to manifest what we really need because we’re not distracted by other things that we think we need to be happier.

Snapshot takeaways and to-dos:

List areas of your life that feel hard and you would like to make easierBecome aware of where you’re not actively making decisions ahead of time and begin to build a habits that tackle theseAdapt and change your routines and habits when things aren’t working or your life changes (also if it gets boring!)Stay with it for the long run; habits take time before they become easy and routineIntuitively and compassionately make these decisions; don’t copy others or force things that don’t actually align with who you are and what you really want or needDon’t beat yourself up for getting jealous; it’s a normal emotion (analyse the feeling and track whether it’s telling you that you want something or is it just a distraction telling you that you want something but you don’t)Remember that the more things you decide ahead of time, the less likely you are to fall into bad habits (week of healthy meals planned = no takeaways or bad eating)

Some systems you could focus on:

Physical activity: how will you move your body the amount it needs each day/week?Education: how will you educate yourself each week?Mental activity: how will you create an awareness of your mental activity and care for your mind?Creativity: how will you express your creativity each week?Diet: how will you ensure that you are eating healthy, balanced meals each day that energise and care for your body?Sleep: how will you get the amount of sleep that you need?Finance: how will you budget, save, and invest your hard-earned money each week/month?

It’s hard to create systems that work well for you and create an easy life. This is why most of us don’t feel that life is easy (myself included!). If an easy life is really something you want, work hard for a few years so that you can get to a place of relative ease.

However, don’t forget that nothing you do can make life so easy that you never feel pain, or make mistakes, or have to make hard decisions, or whatever else. Your daily life can feel easier, but the big things may still be difficult at times. You can’t be perfect. You can’t make your life perfect.

Don’t chase perfection for ease, instead craft a life that’s intentional and kind, so it feels easier day-to-day.

Sincerely,

S. xx

How I fell in love with reading and am able to read more books

I love to read. Nowadays, it’s pretty normal for me to read every day. I can read at least 2 books a month. This is not a brag, it’s just true! But it wasn’t always this way. This is something I’ve been able to do only in the last maybe 3-4 years consistently. Here is what has helped me to love reading and read more books.

Take your time

Reading is a marathon not a sprint. It is a lifestyle, not a goal or end destination to reach. My partner reads faster than I do, but I read more often than he does. In the end, I read more books each year.

Don’t listen to advice about how to read faster in order to read more books. Sure, it could help, but reading is (in my opinion) something to be enjoyed not rushed. And if you’re enjoying it, you’re going to want to do it more often. If you allow yourself to take your time, I promise you’ll end up reading with more joy and getting more out of it.

Build a habit

Reading became a nighttime habit for me. It’s part of my bedtime routine! As children, we had bedtime routines and this often included being read stories. I’m not sure if my mom read them to me, but there’s something very therapeutic and right about it.

I read every night before going to sleep. I go up to bed around 9pm and aim to read for an hour or until sleepy, after having brushed my teeth and changed into my pjs. Worst case scenario, I end up reading a lot and not falling asleep. Best case, I become sleepy and fall asleep. Either way, it’s very healthy. I get to sleep or I get to read!

Have your book ready waiting for you on your nightstand/bedside table or on your pillow to remind you to pick it up and get reading before going to sleep.

Rebel against the rules!

Don’t be a book snob! If you want to read more and actually enjoy it, remove any rules you might have about what “real reading” is. (Whatever the hell that means?!)

This means allowing yourself to listen to audiobooks.

This means reading shorter books if you want to (they’re still books!).

This means reading children’s or teen books (spoiler alert, a lot of them are amazing and deep and funny and warm and not just entertaining for kids!).

This means reading fiction and fantasy instead of “serious” books.

This means reading modern books, not just the revered classics.

Books can be enjoyed in many forms. We live in a modern world so allow yourself to sample all kinds of reading. You’ll soon have your preferred method or genre, but that doesn’t mean the other methods can’t be enjoyed too. Sometimes a mixture of methods and genres keeps things interesting and engaging for you as a reader, thus keeping you reading for longer!

I read more often because I listen to audiobooks in the shower, while doing chores, or walking to work. I read shorter books if they sound good or I’m looking for a quick win after finishing a longer book beforehand. I love children’s books/ middle-grade fiction. Remember, the Harry Potter series was meant for children! Don’t assume they are immature or infantile. The younger age ranges will be, but the “upper middle-grade” (MG) section or Young Adult (YA) sections are fair game!

Go electronic

Owning a Kindle (or other) e-reader helps too. It makes reading seem easier. It means you technically always have a book (or a hundred) with you if you have the Kindle app on your phone or tablet.

Kindle books/ebooks are cheaper too! So if you have a tight budget but you love to read, investing in a Kindle reaps many benefits. Instead of buying a physical book for upwards of £5-6, you can get books for just £1-2! An Audible membership (audiobook platform/app) is £7.99 a month and it offers many Audible originals and podcasts for free, alongside 2 for 1 sales or book sales for you to get more for your money.

I hate to be that guy, but it’s also great for the planet. Electronic books don’t sap any of the planet’s resources. It gets electronically sent to your Kindle or phone in seconds. Not shipping if you buy online. No manufacturing is needed to make a physical copy!

Kindle books also have the benefit of being able to read aloud to you, tell you the meaning of words, and highlight passages of text to see later. These features can be good for readers who struggle but still like to read. Very inclusive!

Don’t get me wrong, I love physical books and I have plenty. I also love being able to pass the physical book on to a friend or charity shop once I’m done. However, a Kindle can help you experience more books in a simpler way.

DNF

I DNF books! It’s hard but it has to be done sometimes. DNF means Did Not Finish. When you’re not feeling a book, forcing yourself to keep going only stops your progress. You stop enjoying the process and ultimately slow down. If you want to read more books and love reading, why force yourself to go through that?

Sadly, some books sound great but they’re not. Or you might not be in the mood for that type of book at the moment. Or an author’s writing style isn’t for you. Or people recommend it/it’s popular but it’s just not your thing in the end. This is okay!

The author still got your money, so you’ve supported their career, which is nice! You still experienced some reading, which is good too. You also learned something valuable: what you don’t like! And you can always try again with the book later if you really do want to finish it. But for now, put it aside and try something else. You can pass the book on to someone else, too, if you want.

It doesn’t have to be a waste of time or money if you shift your mindset.

Don’t know what to read?

It can be daunting if you’re a new reader. Or if you’re coming out of a slump. Here are some things that help me know what to read or buy next:

Booktubers! These are people on YouTube who talk about books! They may not always have the same tastes as you, but hearing their reviews or recommendations for books can be useful. I watch: Christy Ann Jones, Merphy Napier, Leena Norms, Jack Edwards, Elliot Brooks, and A Clockwork Reader Google it: You can get really specific about what you are looking for and google it to find recommendations for that thing! Try books about friendships, books with Asian main characters, books with low fantasy, books with pirates, books that feel like anime etc! Goodreads helps, as it lists books that are categorised this way.Find similar: If you liked a book, look online for books that are similar. This can be by genre, author, style, or tropes. Google or booksellers should be able to help.Ask your friends! If you have friends who are readers, ask what they recommend that you read. Ask what their favourite books are.

There you have it, my list of ways to read more books and enjoy the process. Once you know yourself better as a reader, you should naturally gain momentum and enjoyment for reading.

Note that no one else’s idea of what reading is should affect your journey. Read what you want and how you want. If you read 10 books in a year that’s amazing. Heck, if it’s just one more than last year, that’s great too! Reading is a very personal thing. Unless you’re reading aloud to someone, it’s a private and tranquil experience. Don’t ruin it with expectations or forcing it or reading things you don’t enjoy.

Life’s too short and there are too many wonderful worlds within books to explore for you to hate your reading process.

Sincerely,

S. xx

I was wrong

What I wrote on my blog two years ago is probably wrong. Some of it. Maybe a lot of it! What I’m saying this year could be wrong two years from now. Or tomorrow!

The point is, I’m wrong.

And so are you.

I hate this because I like getting things right. I like being known for my intelligence and advice and wisdom.

Oh wise Guru Siana, they call me.

But I’m not always right. I’m often wrong.

And that’s scary and it sucks but what if I told you that you can’t be right? Not about everything, and definitely not all the time.

You should be worried if you still agree with everything you’ve ever said. If you have the same beliefs as five, ten, or fifteen plus years ago.

That only tells me one thing: you haven’t really grown or changed.

I’m not saying our beliefs and ideas need to change drastically, of course. Going from being a devout Christian to being a Satanist is very worrying and probably means the opposite: you have no strong beliefs and are easily swayed into believing anything you come across.

It’s about having a growth mindset versus a fixed one. Learning as you go through life and adapting as needed. Taking on new information and implementing it into your life. Attuning your values, your ideas, your methods, your focus, your creativity, and so on.

A growth mindset means being open-minded and intelligent when you are interacting with the world.

One year (or month) you may be sure that weight training is for you. It’s the best form of exercise that you can do. The next you’re into swimming and you swear there is no better workout. Then it’s yoga or Tai Chi…

It doesn’t make you stupid, fickle, temperamental, gullible, or anything else. It just means you changed your mind!

It’s crazy how wrong this seems. Why aren’t we allowed to change our minds? To have different likes or dislikes; different opinions; different tastes; different beliefs; different ways of working; different styles; different values. As we get older, this should happen naturally, surely?

It’s not always positive, but that’s okay. That’s natural too.

We shift and change and grow and reshape ourselves thousands of times over. We shed our rigid skins and decorate ourselves with new ones.

This is often suited to our new environments, our age, our finances, our experiences, our family, our love life, our friends, our enemies (whoa), our health, our diet, our sleep, our entertainment, our education…and on and on it goes.

I think this is a message to my fellow perfectionists. A message to my fellow competitive people. A message to those who think they’re intellectually superior or holier-than-thou. We can’t be right all the time. When we are right, we can later be wrong for the same thing.

And the same things can mean something completely different in a different moment in time or a different place! Culture, societies, and eras, they all have an effect on what is known as truth or important or right.

So maybe we shouldn’t worry so much about getting it right.

Chill out, try new things, learn and grow, adapt, and change your mind. Don’t be afraid to think what you think, feel what you feel, and share it out loud. Have an opinion and speak it into existence (kindly, fairly, not random arrogant shouting into a void!).

It’s not embarrassing to be wrong. Okay, yes it is! But if you’re with the right people when you realise that you’re wrong, it shouldn’t feel like the end of the world. Hold up your hands, say “whoops” and accept it gracefully. Everyone is wrong sometimes. The more you’re okay with being wrong, the better your mental health, I believe. Because it takes confidence to make mistakes and self-correct humbly. It takes confidence and intelligence to be open about errors and learn from them.

Sincerely,

S. xx

A rant about progress

Why do we only care about progression on a large scale? Or drastic change? Or material gain?

Having left my job to work in the school next door, I felt like I had to work hard to explain why I moved. Is it a lot more money? A different position? A promotion? Why are you leaving? And this caused me to question my choices, too.

And with having set a date for our wedding, some people weren’t that enthused. It’s not like the engagement, which is a big deal, or the wedding day itself. It’s just a date, not the main event.

But these things, though small, are progress!

Earning a little bit more money is progress. Working in a slightly better environment is progress. Meeting new people and having new challenges is progress. Setting a date and getting the dress is progress.

Why do we only celebrate or appreciate big changes or big steps?

And progression is relative, no? For example, if you are like me (sometimes anxious and neurotic) then changing jobs at all can be terrifying. Choosing to get married instead of constantly putting it off is terrifying. These may seem small on the outside looking in but for me personally, they are huge.

This may be true for you, too. People may look at your wins and not be very impressed. Sadly, it’s because to them it may not be such a hard thing to do. Getting on a plane to Edinburgh for a 40-minute flight was huge for me but to a seasoned traveller it’s easy-peasy!

Don’t compare successes, just celebrate all of yours!

Change the dialogue around the things you achieve.

“All I did today was plot the first half of my novel.”

Becomes “oh my god today I plotted the first half of my novel! I’m a step closer!”

“All I did today was a 10-minute low-intensity workout.”

Becomes “I worked out today when I didn’t want to which is showing up for myself and showing love for my body. I’m so proud of myself!”

It makes you want to take more steps. And in the long run, big success is made up of successful little steps along your journey.

It’s not about taking things easy and relaxing because you’re doing small things instead of big things. As I said, it’s the little things that add up to the big things anyway. And I have heard that you’re more likely to keep going on your journey to success when you do stop for a moment to cheer for yourself even after small achievements.

What is progress?

It’s having or doing something that wasn’t there before. It’s a step forwards rather than standing still or going backward. Heck, it can count as progress to go backwards, change direction, and then eventually move forwards! Progress isn’t linear, perfect, or huge. It’s a big squiggly line. It’s frustrating. But it’s worse if you don’t celebrate and recognise it for what it is, big or small.

Please, don’t undercut your progress by using the toxic phrase: but I still have far to go.

Urgh!

No!

Look back, smile, and see how far you’ve come. You’re allowed to do that. It doesn’t mean you won’t progress as fast or as well as others. It means you’ll be a much healthier and happier person on your road to “success” (it’s not a destination, but we seem to think it is…urgh toxic!). You should feel a sense of joy and pride along your way, to motivate you as well as feel happier.

Let’s be honest, it feels good to celebrate yourself! Why should that be reserved for big moments, special occasions, or some wonky societal version of success?

I’m proud of myself this year for the “small” wins, and that feels frickin amazing!

Sincerely,

S. xx

What I’ve learned about confidence

Am I a confident person? Yes and no. Things come along to tell me that yeah, actually, you are confident. But in the day-to-day, it doesn’t really feel that way. And maybe that’s just it. Confidence isn’t some huge amazing thing that you either have or you don’t. It ebbs and flows. There are moments when you’re sure and moments when you’re not.

First lesson: confidence is a spectrum. It’s comes and goes. It strengthens and weakens.

There are people I feel confident around and people I don’t. There are experiences I feel confident having and ones I don’t. Doing new things requires more energy and questions that come along to shake my confidence (either a little or a lot). But confidence is built through doing things. Competency and courage lead to confidence. By doing things you don’t know how to do, or that you’re scared to do, you gain confidence in those areas of life.

Lesson two: feel the fear and do it anyway.

Confidence isn’t, in my experience, being independent and strong and never feeling weak. Confidence is weakness and the courage to be vulnerable. Confidence isn’t walking into a room, knowing you’re better than everyone else; it’s walking into a room and not caring either way. It’s holding your head high because you know, like, and trust yourself.

Lesson three: confidence is knowing who you are on a deep level and being that person.

Through experiences of all kinds, you grow as a person. You learn who you are and what you like and what you’re good at. You learn what’s for you and what’s not. You come to accept the lessons of life through living it, even if you fall on your ass along your journey (because we all do).

Lesson four: confidence is about growth and learning; being a student of life with your head held high.

And as I said, you don’t do it alone. We grow as people by getting help from others. We share ideas. We help one another out. We need mentors and advice to learn new ways of thinking and doing things. We get to choose what we listen to and take on board, but blocking out everyone else doesn’t help us grow.

We need to have values, beliefs, and opinions forged through experiences and conversations. Fixed mindsets do not a confident person make. It makes you stubborn and rigid. Confident people know when they have a lesson to learn, are open-minded, and are flexible.

Lesson five: confidence means knowing when to sit and listen to learn, and when to speak up for your beliefs and share.

While you’re learning from others, don’t forget to uplift them. Celebrate their wins and their efforts. Be confident enough not to be shaken by someone else living their best life. Life is abundant and we don’t need to compete. Just because someone has a hot husband and a great job, doesn’t mean you can’t have that too. Being jealous and angry and talking shit about them won’t make your life any better. It won’t make you confident, it just makes you look like a jackass.

Lesson six: confident people don’t need to compete in desperation and envy.

I feel more confident when I make an effort. When I don’t just half-arse my outfit or my hair. Instead, I walk taller and have a pep in my step when I know I look good. It’s not superficial or pointless. It’s a way of expressing yourself or smiling with your outfit!

And of course, being healthy goes a long way to confidence. Being healthy in mind, body, and spirit. That’s not to say that you can’t feel confident while working on your body or tackling some heavy mental and spiritual hurdles. It’s about feeling like you’re making healthy choices in the long run for your betterment each day. Even if that growth is minuscule and other people don’t notice it. Who cares about them? It’s not their journey of wellness. It’s yours.

Lesson seven: choosing healthier things for yourself means you’re confidently taking steps towards a better you.

Lastly, confidence means feeling a stronger inner power and guidance system. It’s not magic. It’s not about being the best person in the world. It’s not about being the prettiest, smartest, funniest, richest, most talented person you know. Instead, it’s having a connection to and awareness of your own inner power and intuition.

So if you want one thing to take away, just remember this. Confidence is a connection to yourself. That’s all. A healthy connection. A strong connection. It means even if you make mistakes, you love yourself still and treat yourself with compassion. You treat yourself like your best friend.

Lesson eight: confidence is treating yourself with love and kindness and doing what is true to you.

(I like lists of 10 so here are some snappy bonus last lessons!)

Lesson nine: confidence comes from action, you don’t wait for confidence before taking action.

Lesson ten: confidence doesn’t mean being 100% sure, sometimes it’s a trusting leap of faith.

(A few years ago, I completed the Confidence Challenge; check it out for yourself if you’re interested in building confidence)

Sincerely,

S. xx