S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 20

Pep Talk and Tips for Writers With Low Self Esteem

I’ve been hearing a phrase that I don’t like lately and I think it’s even more horrible coming from a writer’s mouth.

“I need…”

Why do I hate this? Because it sounds like desperation. I sounds like a task or a chore. Writing shouldn’t feel that way. Not at first, especially.

You don’t need to write 1,000 words today. You don’t need to become a bestseller with your debut novel. You don’t need to write a clean first draft. You don’t need to follow structures and rigid writing rules. You don’t need to get up at 5am or stay up until 3am when writing.

All you need to do is write! And hopefully god damn enjoy it, too!

Thinking you’re a bad writer isn’t going to make you a better one. Writing will. Writing badly will. Keep writing badly until you don’t cringe at your work so much anymore. No one is going to see it anyway, not unless you want them to, so who cares?

I’ll let you in on a secret: most writers think they’re bad writers! I bet you even famous published writers still have times when they throw out a draft and scream at the computer screen! We’re notoriously mean to ourselves by nature. And it has to stop!

Writing isn’t easy. Technically anyone can write, but writing well or successfully takes hard work. Not talent, necessarily. Not magic! But hard work. That simply translates to never giving up and practicing your ass off.

So you’re not missing anything. You’re not some average Joe while every other writer is special. You’re not behind. You’re not a failure. You’re not a loser.

You’re a writer.

Writers write; that’s all there is to it.

So write. Write today. Write right now! Write for the fun of it. For the hell of it. For the freedom of it. For the clarity that comes from it. Write because that’s what you want to do, not something you have to do. Not a chore. Not a menial job. But a pure creative joy.

Reminders:

Your work probably seems bad because you’ve read it a million times over and it feels less exciting to you now. Any big task feels daunting at first. Starting is the hardest part. But you must. Published books are products. They have been polished over and over and over and over and over again. Many eyes have been on them. They’ve been reviewed ahead of their release. Don’t compare your work to books you read, it makes no sense! When in doubt, check in on your characters. The story is about them. It their journey of transformation. Do you really know them? There’s always someone out there who will like (even love) your work. You just need to find them. Everyone has different tastes, so don’t try to please anyone, just please yourself! You don’t need the theme or a strong message at the beginning. You don’t even need to know the ending or what you’re really talking about! If you have the character and some groundwork, you can get started and figure it out along the way. We can’t plan everything ahead of time. It becomes boring if you do, sometimes. Get what you need to start and then start. You can add details later. You can plan as you go.

Tips for getting out of your head and into your writing:

Set a short timer and just write. It frees you up to just do the thing without thinking because you have no time to do so! It takes the pressure off and makes it easier to sit down and do it because it’s only a short period of time.

Use prompts. These take the pressure off too because it doesn’t need to be good or relevant. It just flexes the writing muscle and clears your path. You have no rules. No plans or plots to follow. Just write whatever comes to mind from the prompt and see where it takes you.

Have a ritual or routine for your writing. Wake up, have a cup of coffee and write. Light a candle and write. Go to the local library or cafe and write. Get together with friends and write. Dress up and write. Dance or stretch and then write. Whatever it is, have a habit of doing that thing to get into the right groove.

Talk about your writing without being shy or getting weird about it. You need the practice. Also, talking about writing with other writers will help you to realise that your writing isn’t bad, your process isn’t wrong, and you’re not failing. We all do things differently and that’s okay. It’s great even. We would be boring if we were all the same.

Celebrate your unique way of doing things and love your writing however it comes out.

Sincerely,

S. xx

10 questions to ask yourself before posting on social media

Is this post coming from a place of truth and joy? What is the reason for this post? What’s its purpose? What’s the point? How will this post be viewed by someone who’s not in a good place in life right now?Am I adding something of value to the Internet, someone’s feed, or my own feed?Am I sharing something true? Or is it edited, exaggerated, or made up to fit some social standard? Would I be happy to see this kind of post from someone I follow? Who is this for?Will I be happy I posted this in a year’s time? Am I just jumping on a trend or topic that I don’t believe in/have nothing to add to simply to feel “relevant”?Is this post coming from a positive place? A healthy mindset? A clear head?

Some of these may make you clench. Some may make you feel called out. But there are often toxic or inauthentic reasons for posting on social media. Social media is not toxic in and of itself. We make it so. Therefore, we can change things by making sure our posts are valuable and needed (for us and others).

Sincerely,

S. xx

Dad’s 20th Anniversary

I don’t have enough memories of you. A childhood rife with play and imagination wasn’t enough to keep you here. I wish I’d used that mind to conjure up a father who stayed. Who would you be at night when I was in sweats from nightmares?Or maybe I wouldn’t get nightmares anymore, if you were around. Daddy to the rescue. All the films say so, how dad’smake everything better. I wouldn’t know. Mom tried. She did. She does. Every damn day, before and after you left us. And you did leave, didn’t you? It was a choice, and then it was made final. 

I’ve thought about how if you hadn’t died, maybe you could have come back to us. You weren’t the best person in the world, but time turns things on its head. You could have changed. I like to believe you would have. But maybe people don’t really ever change. 

What am I even talking about anymore?

I guess it all comes down to this: my relationship with you is complicated. How can I get closure from a ghost? The dead tell no tales, they say. So how have I learned more from you since your death, than I knew before? I’ve no way of testing their words, of course. The whispers of people who claim to know your history. No way of knowing if my own assumptions are truth.

I think there comes a time in everyone’s life when you just make a decision. When you can’t get answers, you write the narrative yourself. You are the author who decides what your story means. How it can end. What have I decided? I’ve decided you were a complicated man. Your relationship with Mom was, too. But I know you loved us. With all your flaws, that was never in question. I think if you hadn’t died, you would love us now, tenfold, in your own way. And I don’t know how often I’d see you, or what we’d do together, but you’d call me ‘Sian’ and I’d feel comforted by the sound of it. You would be my dad, and for me that might mean something different to my friends. But what would that matter? 

Is having a dad better than having only a memory? The word dad wouldn’t carry so much weight. Father’s Day wouldn’t be a day of contemplation. 13th May wouldn’t mean anything to me. There would be no raw, exposed nerve inside of me, waiting to be plucked. No crying in the shower when I remember the things you’ve missed in my life.

You won’t walk me down the aisle.

You won’t hold your grandchildren.

You won’t cheer at my book signings.

You won’t know me at all.

Maybe you’re watching from wherever you are. Maybe you’re here, next to me, screaming as you try to answer my questions. Maybe you’re gone for good. Either way, I know Mom is there to shoulder the weight that you can’t carry. She’ll walk with me wherever I go. She will hold your grandchildren twice as long. She will cheer twice as loud as anyone else. She will know me for both of you.

And that is enough.

Rest in more than peace. Rest in joy. Rest knowing that I’m okay now. 

I’m okay, Dad.

Gratitude post!

This weekend has been lovely. I’ve felt a sense of relief and release. Friday evening I did a “letting go” yoga flow that made me feel amazing and helped shift the pent up energy and inner conflict I’ve felt throughout the rest of the week.

I’m so grateful for that yoga session and time I spent with myself.

Saturday morning I woke up early feeling a bit of stomach upset, so I got up and started my day instead of going back to bed feeling sorry for myself. I went straight to work on my university writing assignment, as I felt called to do so and creatively ready for it.

It was a big bit of rewriting but it flowed perfectly! I ended up spending 3 hours writing that morning, which I haven’t done in a while. It was for my uni work, my wattpad story submission, and my blog. Variety, creativity and flow! I’m so glad I chose to get up and get going as it set the tone for the rest of my day.

I am so grateful for my writing and the flow state it grants me.

The rest of Saturday was spent relaxing, walking in the sun with my partner and our dog. We had good, stimulating, deep conversation while we walked in nature. I dressed nice and it felt great. I put in the effort. We made skewers for dinner which is something a little different and it tasted so good! We chilled and watched films. It was perfect.

I am grateful for the little treasures in life that often go unnoticed but are the big things in disguise.

Sunday morning I woke before my partner again and had a cup of coffee. I only drink it on the weekends as it effects me a lot. But it was delicious. I really appreciate a good cup of coffee. There’s something creative and inspiring about it. I then did a morning meditation and stretch to greet my day, which set the tone again.

I am grateful for sunny mornings and a cup of nurturing coffee.

The rest of Sunday I spent doing my university writing. My final deadline is coming soon. I felt a bit overwhelmed at first and so I decided to close my laptop and move my body instead. I put on a 10 minute workout, then a 20 minute one, then did some yoga to cool down. I got sweaty and breathless and my heart racing. I felt immense! I don’t often do workouts like this, so I was grateful that I decided to do it and didn’t give up.

I am grateful for my body and the endless amazing things it does for me each day; I can do hard things.

And finally, I got my writing done after the workout. The bad energy had shifted. I felt good and creative and ready. I feel happier with my writing now. It’s coming along nicely.

I am grateful for the lessons I learn each day, from formal education and the education of life.

What are you grateful for this week?

Sincerely,

S. xx

Am I a good writer?

You’re not a real writer if your writing isn’t literary. If you don’t stay up all night bent over a keyboard or notebook, hand aching. If you dwell in the fantastical and impossible, instead of augmenting the real and important.

My entire life I’ve been a writer and yet I’ve spent my entire life doubting it. Questioning whether I can write. Really write.

The answer is no, I can’t. And yes, I can. It depends on the day. Depends on who you ask. Depends on the story or blog post. Depends on my mood.

Maybe it’s high time we stop asking ourselves if we’re good writers. And stop allowing others to tell us or question whether our writing is good, too. Because we all know that “good” is subjective. It’s subject to time, market, personality and preference, mood, need, place, circumstance; the list goes on.

Yeah, sure, we could measure our work against grammar laws and what we were taught in school but where’s the fun in that? And I find that even grammar can be flexible. Sometimes different punctuation or words can work just as well in the same sentence. It depends on the writer or desired effect.

And I love starting sentences with ‘and‘ and ‘but‘, even when we’re told not to. And ending sentences with prepositions, did you notice that?! And what fun it can be to put a question mark and an exclamation point together! Who cares?!

You didn’t ask for it, but if you want my advice, care less about being a good writer.

I want to adopt the goal of being an authentic writer. A passionate writer. A creative writer. A happy writer. A free writer. A writer who writes for herself and her beliefs.

What this does is free you up to find what feels good when writing. Instead of worrying about the grammar police and the critics (who don’t really matter, as they usually won’t be your target audience or desired fanbase), you get to enjoy the process and product. You can look back at your work and laugh or cry or be inspired because it feels like you. It feels like it’s truly yours, in all its potentially messy or imperfect glory.

I’m not saying I’m a bad writer and that you should be, too. I’m saying it doesn’t matter much either way. There are plenty of famous writers who have a large group of haters. There are plenty of writers who have adoring fans who would buy anything they publish, while others swear that their writing is trash!

So maybe there’s room out there for us. Maybe we can be successful or happy or make a living or find readers, whether we’re “good” or not.

Here are some takeaways/mantras to have a healthier writer’s mindset:

I write for myself firstWriting is fun for meI write because I have something I want to sayWriting is my happy placeI write to express myself and my beliefsWriting is pure creation and creation means bringing the impossible into realityI write to understand the world better, but the world is a complex and beautiful place that can never be perfectly defined by any one personWriting is freedomI write authentically because the only way my writing is unique is if I write in my own wayWriting brings me power and purpose

My writing is successful and good when I feel good about it.

Sincerely,

S. xx

How healthy am I? (Journal entry)

How healthy am I? I know for sure I’m healthier than I used to be. I eat better. I sleep better. I walk more. I have deeper more meaningful conversations. I create during my weeks. I stretch. I drink loads of water. I care for my hair and protect it. I notice my thoughts. I’m compassionate towards myself, like a big sister.

I don’t think i could quantify it really. But I’d say I’m not as healthy as I’d like to be. As my ideal dream self.

My ideal healthy self is more confident and actionable towards the things needed for a healthy routine. Regular high heart rate exercise of some kind, like running, cycling, gym, HIT, dancing etc. I would eat so much better, with more colour on my plate, and a larger portion towards veggies. Not as punishment but because it’s delicious and feels good. My skin would be better. I’d get sick less often. Much less! People’s opinions of me would matter much less. It would wash right off my back. I’d make decisions with more certainty because I feel a connection to my intuition and know my values to guide me. I’d be braver. I’d go on adventures. I’d commit. My body would stretch better because I’m being mindful and in the moment and caring and I’ve practice time and again. I’d be on my phone much less. I’d take meditative moments more often. I’d fill more journals with all my thoughts. I’d do a sport. I’d take more of an active interest in peoples lives.

So I’m healthy but not that healthy. I make mistakes. I play small. I shy away. I make poor decisions. I get jealous. I neglect routines. I forget to practice. I give in to a negative spiral.

But I’m human. I’m getting there. 

I want to be a healthy person. Why? To brag about it compared to unhealthy people? That would feel good but truly healthy people don’t do that. Not mentally and spiritually healthy people. To live longer? Yeah, partially. But mostly just to live better. Everything is rosier through a healthy lens. You feel stronger within and externally. You can conquer anything. I want that feeling, instead of feeling so weak at times. So defeated. So scared.

“Adult” things I actually enjoy

Seeing my savings go upBooking holidays Planning holidays Seeing my dog with a fresh trimPutting away the grocery shopping/seeing the cupboards full Giving advice to the younger generation (as if I know what the hell I’m doing)Ticking things off a to-do list Fresh bedsheets Putting on a load of washingCooking a great meal Self-education A clean house Being in credit with your billsAccomplishing big life goalsAccomplishing small goalsOrganising my calendarHosting dinner

5 ways to nurture your creativity when it’s feeling low

Set a timer for 15 mins and write whatever comes to mind

Even if it’s The boy went to the shops to buy some sweets! Maybe something interesting will end up happening to the boy! Don’t force things that aren’t working in terms of your current work in progress, but write random things and you never know how it will help you in the long run!

Journal everyday

Even half a page can go a long way. It gets it out of your head, at least, which helps you to have a clearer head for your work.

I’m also trying to journal through the perspective of different people, too, to stretch my creativity. What would a new mother journal about at night? A firefighter? An empty-nester? A sibling of ten? An orphan?

Go inwards

As I mentioned in my journal entry about losing my creativity, I think a lack and inner connectedness can result in diminishing creativity. I want to get back on my spirituality kick and go back inwards.

YogaGuided meditationsJournalingWalking mindfully

Read a good books

If you’re a writer, you can fill your creative cup by reading things that spark ideas. Reading things that make you go “I wish I could write something like this”. Don’t copy, and be careful not to bring their voice or story elements into your work, of course, but engaging with good books and being able to identify why they work for you will help your own work.

Careful not to compare either. Your projects aren’t the polished finished products that the books you read are! Be kind.

Don’t force it

If you keep sitting down to the write a story and nothing is coming, don’t force it. It puts pressure on you and your story. Take breaks. Do something silly or active and random. Get away from it all and then come back with fresh eyes.

Creative people do all sorts of creative things, like adventures, painting, drawing, photography, playing games etc. Doing other creative things will aid in your chosen creative projects.

Sincerely,

S. xx

Before 30 list (old and new)

Here’s my old “Before 30” list:

Become a published author Visit every continent Buy a house Married Baby plans Read 100 more books Making £30,000+ a year (make my salary match my age for once!) Go to Asia Graduate Study a language Have my own carEarn a living being creative Volunteer with animals Become a routine yogi Know a poem off by heart Grow and perfect a curly hair routine

Here’s my healthier and fairer “Before 30” list:

Write vigorously and passionately so I can take steps towards publishing my books Travel as far and as frequently as I can (Japan, Turkey, Greece, Cape Town, Cambodia…)Save money to spend on bigger things later (like house, car, travel) Be happily, gratefully, and wonderfully in love with my fiancé (experiencing new things and learning about each other every day)Make more money so I can do the things I want to do and support my family Make a house feel like our homeGet out more (be active, go outside, eat out, live!)Be more socialFind amazing books that I loveDiscover a long list of recipes and meals I enjoy making and eatingLearn healthier meal choices Feel good in my body and what it can do for meBe in nature are much as I canDiscover and own my personal style Ask for what I want and needMore confident in my choices, opinions, and beliefsKnow and love myself moreFeel creatively free and playfulFeel more confident about when/why/how to step into motherhoodBe less afraid of my own shadow and do the things I want to doContinue being a student of lifeNurture my natural hair and enjoy it

Sure, these things aren’t as quantifiable. It’s not simply a tick off situation. But that’s nicer. They’re wholesome. They’re still super important and act as intentions and focuses for a lifestyle rather than some goal to tick off and forget about due to passing some arbitrary stage/age in life.

Let’s be real, in the West we have made turning 30 into this massive ugly thing. It’s not. I’m sure anyone over 30 will tell you that life is still good. Perhaps better because you’re not fretting so much about your youth and doing everything you can. I think our 20s are actually quite horrible, as we find our feet. Maybe our 30s are when we ground down and know who we are. I for one am excited about that! Whether I “achieve” these things or not, working towards them will bring me a lot of joy up to and into my 30s.

Sincerely,

S. xx

Chapter 27 – birthday rumination

So it’s here. My birthday. Chapter 27.

I don’t feel badly about turning 27. It’s just a number and one that doesn’t carry much significance. I feel excited if anything. With each new year, I feel a renewed sense of confidence. A year older, a year bolder they say. And I do feel more confident lately. I want to bring that into my year and the years to come.

However, I can’t pretend I don’t hear the monstrous snarl of 30 crawling over the hill. It’s stalking me. Red eyes and flared nostrils, ready to take me into adulthood. Real adulthood. The one with responsibilities that you can’t go a day without. Can’t take a day off from paying your mortgage. Can’t take a day off from being married. Can’t take a day off from being a parenthood. For the beast of 3-0 is the siren cry of motherhood for me. It’s when I can’t turn my back any longer. I’ll have to take the leap and I just can’t imagine that right now. A positive pregnancy test is the last thing I’d want right now.

At the moment, all I can think about is graduation, making more money, and having travel experiences. These things are scary, too, but in a different way. I don’t know. I just don’t know.

Please let me know, when I get there? Let me know what I want and what I have the strength to handle. I don’t want to be a mother filled with doubt. It’s not fair or good for anybody…

But I digress, 27 itself is a number. One I’ll use for only one year, never to use again in relation to my time on earth. That’s…daunting? Motivating? The truth is it can be anything I want it to be. The same is true for you. I can decide that 27 is old and give in to that label. I can decide my time of doing shit is over and just “settle down” – whatever the eff that means?! Or I can keep living, keep doing what I’m doing. Or I can panic about the ticking of time and become reckless and do crazy shit just to make sure I don’t waste what I have left of my 20s.

All of these seem like the wrong choice.

I mean maybe chapter 27 is about depth of character. To stop branching out and going wide, desperately grasping at random things and hoping they’ll stick. Instead go deeper into the things I already like or am intrigued by? Root down.

One thing I do know is chapter 27 is about being less confused about who I am. Less unsure and angry and scared. To know, love, and nurture myself.

That means doing things at least 20% more confidently than previous years! To do the thing because I want to, end of story.

I’m excited to share my journey with you. I hope chapter 27 is one worth experiencing and reading. Whatever happens, it’s all coming together to make one beautiful novel with many pages and chapters and plot twists along the way. I will make it so.

I will write it all.

Sincerely,

S. xx