S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 26

How to Simplify Your Life and Still Be Productive (podcast)

I very much value simplicity and prioritisation. I like to know I have only a few things to focus on, rather than a scary, hefty list. This is some new advice on ways you might simplify your goals, habits, and to-dos while still getting things done each day.

Click to play!

xx

Helping You Get Through Creative Blocks

If you haven’t already, why don’t you listen to my podcast episode which introduces this topic in more of a snapshot? If you already have, brill, thank you! Here I will be going a bit deeper and giving you an actionable plan/ideas to get you going with your creative juices again!

Questions to ask yourself (can journal on these)

Are you too close to your story or project? Do you need an outsider’s perspective or some distance from it in order to better understand what needs to be done?

What do you spend most of your time doing? How might this be affecting your creative process?

What do you spend most of your time thinking about? Is it positive or negative? Helpful or unhelpful? Related or not?

Do you enjoy the idea of a project more than the project itself? Was the planning and thinking more fun than the doing? Be honest!

Do you compare your work to other people’s, holding up the measuring stick and surveying your worth from there?

Why did you want to write (paint, act, photography, etc.) this in the first place? What was the original inspiration for it?

What would happen or what would it feel like if this piece of art never made it out into the world?

Conversely, what would it feel like if someone else put it out into the world instead?

What element of your project is most exciting to you? What element is the least exciting?

Have you been putting pressure on yourself that doesn’t need to be there? A standard to reach? An unnecessary deadline?

What can you actively DO to change the feeling?

You can’t sit and stare at a project or a blank page hoping something with fix itself and inspiration will hit. There can be many reasons why you are struggling to create right now:

You’re exhaustedYou’re working on something that doesn’t excite youYou’re hungry, tired, dehydrated, illYou’re stressed or distracted by other things in your life right nowYou’re confused because you’re watching, reading, or looking at too much of other people’s workYour environment is noisy, messy, stinky, cluttered, or otherYou’re doing the project for all the wrong reasons, none of which are a good enough motivator for youYou’re burnt outYou’re pretending to be someone you’re not instead of doing things your own way

And so, here are some things that could help you to reconnect with the artist within and get you creating again with less restriction:

Get off social media

Taking a break from things like social media is an excellent way to reconnect with yourself. Your art is a part of you. It’s home is inside your spirit. Therefore, if you are not feeling connected to yourself, you won’t feel connected to your art.

Take a step away from things are are distracted and mindless activities. Things that aren’t innately good for your spirit.

Stop consuming other artwork

Stop comparing yourself to other artists! Take a break from consuming their work right now because it might be affecting you in ways you don’t yet realise. Comparison can happen without us being consciously aware of it. We can be reading a great book and unknowingly be comparing it to our own work and feeling like you will never stack up.

It’s good to get tips and advice from other artists. It’s good to consume other work and see what you like and what inspires you. But we need to know when it’s too much.

Work on something else

Work on a random other project instead right now. You may need a break away from the one you’re currently working on. It doesn’t mean you’ve given up. This other project isn’t wasted time. It’s a means of unsticking yourself by giving yourself some distance.

This will either make your realise why your other project isn’t working. Or it will provide that space where you come back excited to get going again. Or it will excite you so much that you write that new project to completion instead. Either way, you’re creating something, so what’s the issue?

Take a break with an end date

Alternatively, take a break from creating anything at all. I would put this last, because it can be hard to do this/you could get stuck if not careful. That’s why I said, “with an end date!” Don’t drift and never create anything ever again. Give yourself the weekend off. Or a week off. But treat it as a self-care, restorative break. Or a connect with myself and my art, break. Make it intentional and actionable and purposeful!

Fix your space

This can be your physical or mental space. The questions above should help you with your spiritual, mental, and emotional space. Clearing out the clutter of your mind and inner world. However, fixing your physical space can do wonders for your creativity, too.

Get your energy up

Lastly, take time to get your energy up again. It might be that you’re running low on energy and forcing yourself to use up mental energy that just isn’t there. Getting your energy back can mean sleep and diet or it could mean actively and socialising. You will need to know for yourself what is lacking in your life.

How have you been eating lately?Have you been getting enough sleep?Who have you been spending most of your time with and how do they make you feel?Have you moved your body actively today?Have you walked enough today?Have you drank enough water?Have you stretched enough today (every hour)?Have you had any fun lately? Done something freeing and silly and engaging just for the sake of it?

Good luck! I hope you and I both feel more creatively free soon. Happy creating!

Sincerely,

S.xx

Things to do instead of being on social media (during those times when being on social media feels like a good idea)

I know it seems like I have a vendetta against social media! I promise I don’t. I just know for a fact that most of us have an addiction to at least one social media app. Mine is Pinterest and YouTube, lately (since deleting Instagram earlier in the year). It’s this need to be constantly engaged in something. Constantly entertained. Never allowed to think our own thoughts…

I believe in doing things with intention. Don’t mindlessly order the takeaway, do it consciously and make that decision with intention. Don’t mindlessly scroll, do so with intention and awareness.

For gods sake, just know WHY you do things!

It’s about healthy relationships with social media and the things we do habitually.

And so, here are some things to do instead of being on social media as much as you probably are…

When we usually go on social media:When we are bored When we first wake upWhen we are going to bed at night When we are feeling some things we don’t want to feelWhen we are pooping When we’re in the bath tub When we are commuting somewhere When we feel uncomfortable like in the staff room/break room at work or around strangers When watching tv When we are waiting for something or someone

What to do in those times instead! Read a chapter of a book (if you have the kindle or Audible apps, you can read/listen to books on your phone or iPad or whatever, wherever you are!)Go for a walk mindfully (just walk and breathe and look around) Read a blog post Call a parent, sibling, or friendComplete a puzzle on your phone Exercise and move your body in some way to generate energy Listen to an audiobook or podcast Watch a good thing on tv and actually watch it! (Omg what a concept!) Clean or tidy up your spaceDo brain teasers Speak to the person you’re in the room with! (Again, what a concept! And speaking from a social anxious POV I get it, it’s hard. We aren’t good at this in the modern age but try it! It might change your life. I once had an AMAZING conversation on the train with a stranger!) Do some Yoga Meditate (there’s an app(s) for that)Do that thing you’ve been putting off doing (you know the thing!)

This was a little humorous but I hope I’m making my point. I get that there are times when social media seems like the only option or the best option to fill your time with but there are much, MUCH healthier options for you to choose from. Options that are good for your mental and emotional health, your relationships, your skills, your spirit, your art, whatever!

And by god, it’s okay to not do ANYTHING for like 5 minutes. I promise, you’ve been lied to. You won’t spontaneously combust!

Sincerely,

S. xx

How have you been self-sabotaging? (podcast)

This week I want you to consider ways in which you may be blocking the very things you have been asking for. How have you been self-sabotaging (knowingly or not) and causing things to be blocked from you in your life?

Click to play!

xx

The missing things (journal entry)

I’ve realised that there are quite a few things I’ve missed lately. Like holes in a wall that you didn’t notice at first but now can’t stop looking at. I’ve missed the ability to meet my friend in a cafe and chat for hours about books (our own and other people’s) until we realise we MUST get home and get writing. I’ve missed going to restaurants with my partner to celebrate this thing or that thing.

I’ve so deeply missed the cinema experience. There’s something profoundly and ineffably magical about being in the dark theatre with nothing but you, your popcorn and the big-screen-world painted in front of you.

But I’ve missed deeper things about myself and my life lately. I don’t know if it’s COVID, moving out last year with my partner, getting older, or the change in seasons. Maybe it’s all these things or none of these things.

I miss writing for the sake of it. Writing because it pains me not to. Writing because the characters won’t shut the hell up. Writing because the world I live in seems so unreal and far away compared to the story world inside of my head. Writing because I’m so damn excited to get to that climactic, life-changing scene I’ve dreamt about for months or years. Writing because it’s who I am and to not write would be to not exist.

Writing feels like a chore lately. The act of sitting at my laptop and writing the plot does, anyway. The characters aren’t as excited to have their stories told as they used to be.

I miss reading books and feeling impatient to dive in. Opening up the pages and finding pure gold. Narratives have fell flat this year. I’m not at the edge of my seat. The number of books I’ve started and then shelved is scary. Literally, it makes me feel a bit sick inside to do so.

I want to be excited again. Captivated again. I want to want things deeply. I miss that feeling.

I feel like I’m lying on hot coals, my back blistered and her body engulfed in flame.

I feel like I’m being held in a vice as it tightens, tightens, tightens around me.

I feel like I’m slipping through the sand in an hourglass, time and I passing life by in miniscule, unimportant ways.

I feel lost from myself. Whoever I was or whoever I was supposed to be right now is not the me I am or want to be.

I don’t want to feel so damn tired. I don’t want to feel so damn unsure. I don’t want to feel less-than. I don’t want to keep climbing up the hill, hoping the things I didn’t realise I was looking for will be just appear over the horizon.

I’m tired.

I miss being excited, and now that I think about it, I’m not sure I ever have been.

“You’re You” – a poem for pride month

How do I say goodbye to the cage

I’ve imprisoned myself in?

Tongue-tied with truths

I’m afraid to speak.

Inadequate words for experiences

I’ve never had.

But feelings so strong

I couldn’t possibly deny them.

But deny them, I do.

What does it mean

If she makes me feel something

Deep?

Come out, come out, wherever you are!

Cry the school bullies

Now it’s internet trolls

Telling us who we are.

“Disgusting, confused, greedy.

You don’t know what you want!

You’re delusional!”

And maybe I am.

Maybe being biracial isn’t special

Enough.

Maybe I want to feel more than I am.

But I don’t even know

Who that person is.

Can I ever truly know?

I’m safe with him. He knows

I’ve told him. He knows.

So when the world shuts doors

His open arms are my world.

“I know who you are.

You’re you.”

It’s Pride Month and I didn’t want the month to end without me saying anything. How could I put into words the injustice people face just because they love someone different to you? Just because they don’t see themselves in the same way you choose to see them? It’s heartbreaking. Any injustice is heartbreaking. Judging someone, hating someone, hurting someone on the basis of something so small and insignificant in the grandness of who they are is just frustrating.

It’s so simple to me: treat everyone with respect and kindness until they give you a real reason not to (and even then, just walk away and don’t let them have power over your life). But no.

I’m part of Pride because I’m proud of being “bisexual”, although I don’t readily tell people this about me. Some people would argue that I’m not, so I don’t create a dialogue where this small part of me can be questioned. I’m me. Who I’m attracted to can and likely will shift and change overtime. And it’s insignificant right now when I’m fully committed to a cisgender man. But my sexual orientation is bi/pan. Some may say I’m questioning or whatever, and this could be true, but I like simplicity and so yeah, I like many people, call that whatever you want!

But when people tell you who they are, listen. Don’t you ever tell them who they are.

I’ve known for a while that I’m not just a straight woman. I’ve been with my partner for 6 years and I’ve never been with a woman. But I know I’m attracted to them. I want to read up on pansexuality and bisexuality in order to better explore and understand that part of myself. But it’s just that, a PART of me. Not some defining factor or something to whisper about. If you’re like me, a bi person who is in a heterosexual relationship, I see you. I feel your pain/confusion/frustration. Maybe one day we’ll all just say, “fuck it, like who you want to like and let’s not make a big deal out of it!” Similarly with gender and biological sex, why are people so angry about other people’s genitals? It has nothing to do with you unless you want to play with them!

And of course my sister is in this community, 100%, lol. And I’ll always be an ally, educating myself as much as I can. I’m currently reading, This Book is Gay by Juno Dawson. Great so far! I’m Supporting LGBTQ+ creators and activists where I can. I believe strongly in education and support. Educate yourself, educate those around you when they say or do problematic things and support those in marginalised communities.

Make life easier for them, not harder, simple.

Keep chasing that rainbow, folks!

If you’re feeling low or lost right now, please reach out to someone trusted or charities who support the LGBTQ+ community. You are not alone. You are worthy. You are loved. You are valid. Always.

Sincerely,

S. xx

When Your Identity is Questioned (podcast)

Are you feeling like you’re not good enough? Like who you are is being examined and questioned? Yeah, same…

I think part of the issue (which I didn’t talk about in the episode because I rushed it, to be honest, is this culture of perfectionism and performance.

Where we want to be, NEED to be, so great at everything we do because we are not worthy and how dare we exist in this modern world if we are not constantly switched on, doing, doing, doing, and proving ourselves to strangers who don’t care about us anyway because they’re all feeling anxiety about themselves and their own lives that don’t stack up!

Wow, yeah, not great.

And breathe!

That if you say you’re a writer, you better be a perfect writer.

If you say you’re a mother, you better be a perfect mother.

If you say you’re gay, you better be a perfect gay!

It’s madness! It’s imposter syndrome, really. And it has to stop. Let people (and yourselves) be who they are and do what they do without question…

Click to play!

xx

Ode to the socially anxious

Are socially anxious people always acting? Always completing a stage performance? “Lights, camera, action!” every time they leave their home?

I deserve an Oscar. Countless times have I stepped up onto the stage of life and performed until I felt weak. Feigning fascination until I feel faint.

The mask seems glued to my face now. Suffocating. Itching. A false self fused to my skin – painful. No one knows who the hell I am. Heck, I don’t even know.

All my life I’ve asked that same question. “Who am I?” I’ve asked personality tests. Relatives and boyfriends. Strangers on the Internet who read my work.

None of it is real, concrete proof of selfhood. No solid, tangible identity for me to point to and say, “that’s it, that’s me…”

And so, I’m Nobody. Who are you?

Undoing Series: Performance Culture

Continuing with the Undoing Series, today I want to talk about how we are all acting! Yes, that’s right, you deserve an Oscar for the performance you’re always putting on. Let me explain…

Even the most authentic, real and honest people will have acted differently at some point. Why? Because different people, places and situations call for different behaviour. That’s fair to say, right? Like how you act around your mother may not be the same as your close friends or your boss. What you share with these people can and should be different, too.

Now, this doesn’t mean we’re acting. It’s still us, right? True. But in this modern world I feel like we’ve accidentally turned this up a notch. We’re performing online, and it is extending out into real life at times. We’re creating personal brands even without intention.

This is who I am, see me and applaud me!

Very harsh, yes, but it’s making my point. Why do we post on social media? Have you ever actually sat back and asked yourself this question (honestly)? I think most would say, if they only have personal accounts: “to share my life with my friends.” And that’s nice but I’m not sure it’s the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!

Here are perhaps some more honest reasons:

To show what I’m doing so I don’t seem boringTo make X person jealous To keep up with other people living a great life To grab people’s attention To have something to do because I’m often bored and lonely To show off To share something I’m proud of myself for To prove I’m worthy To stop feeling low, angry, sad, lost, unfulfilled, INSERT EMOTION I DON’T WANT HERETo be validated

Some may be disagreeing with me. No, I like to just show my life. I’m proud of my life. Yes, but can’t you be proud without sharing it? I’m not saying sharing is wrong, of course, I’m just getting you to think about WHY you share. Why really… Because I bet you don’t show EVERY part of your life. Just the things you’re more proud of or think are the pretty highlights. Again, nothing wrong with that; it’s perfectly natural. But our need to show this perfect, pretty social media feed highlights our fear of being judged and outcast and not being perfect. We are performing. We are saying we’re better than we are.

When I decided to detox from social media last year, I gained so much clarity. I no longer have the Instagram app on my phone (nor Facebook or Twitter or whatever else; only Pinterest and YouTube). I honestly asked myself why I even need or want social media. And I couldn’t come up with a good reason to keep it. It wasn’t giving me the engagement I wanted on my blog or podcast or book sales or anything, so why bother? It’s mostly a distraction from what’s important.

Bringing it back to performance, then. As I said before, we are becoming a Perfectionist Culture and part and parcel with that is putting on this performance of excellence. Here is my canvas of achievements and beauty. I am worthy. And to be honest, that’s what this all comes down to: people seeking worth and validation from outside of themselves.

I don’t like to lose. I don’t like to be bad at something. This is the Perfectionist in me that I’m trying to smother. Luckily, I’m not a Chronic Perfectionist, as I do things to imperfection all the time and don’t let something not being great stop me from doing it. However, I get this horrible feeling inside when I know I’m not as good as other people at something.

I don’t think I’m alone in this.

What do we do when we feel threatened in this way? When our shame triggers are activated? We often run, puff up, or shrink. These are defence mechanisms we default to when feeling triggered without even knowing it, at times. Puffing up is the performance part.

Yeah, well, I went to Asia by myself for 3 months and had a baby aged 20 and write a blog and drive a Mercedes so no, actually, I’m not an idiot!

When people feel low or jealous or angry about something, they can often puff up and get defensive in this way and put on a performance, displaying all the things that make them so great purely because at that moment they feel anything but great.

On a larger scale, I think more and more of us feel threatened and less-than because of comparison to others. It is easier now to be smarter, work more, make more money from many streams of income, have a blog, podcast, YouTube channel, Etsy business, publish a book, travel the world, be an entrepreneur and whatever else. This modern world has opened door after door after door and yes that’s brilliant, but it’s also damn overwhelming!

There is just too much that we feel we must do, and so we put on a show to prove ourselves compared to others when we feel we are not enough.

SummaryWe are putting on a performance online, not showing our real lives, only the highlights.We are performing in front of people or in situations that make us feel threatened or triggered.We are performing to prove we are worthy and can keep up with the modern world

I just wonder if we are truly afraid as a society to be anything less than perfect? That we mustn’t ever cry, be afraid, have bad hair, be seen to fail, or do less than 100 things a day! No, perform and perfect and show that you are this perfect image, even if you’re not, and only take off the mask once you lay to rest at night…wow…that’s a lot, man!

Sincerely,

S. xx

What to Do When You Feel Creatively Stuck (podcast)

I’ve been feeling this resistance lately when trying to create and it’s been frustrating! So I sat with myself, got quiet, and this is what I realised… (Companion blog post to follow this week!)

Click to play!

xx