Luna Carruthers's Blog, page 68

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

Hi folks,

American Thanksgiving is right around the corner and I’d like to take this time to thank each and every one of you for supporting Submissive Guide with your readership, your sharing and your contributions to the community here. I couldn’t do it without you and I wouldn’t love it as much as I do if I didn’t have such a wonderful, positive group to call my Submissive Guide friends. Thank you so much for being there and I look forward to what else we can accomplish together!

Join the growing list of fans that get to hang out with me monthly on Google Hangout!
Monthly Video Posts Return! Thank you for the support. Next Goal: Upgrade the ServersI work hard to write and produce the content and I don’t ask for much in return. This is a small way you can show me that you appreciate my efforts. If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a patron of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $3 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Sign Up for The Submissive Advent Calendar to Celebrate Submission This Holiday Season

Sign up today and every day from December 1st-24th you’ll receive something to keep your submission in focus this busy holiday season.

Ever wanted to focus on your submission when stress and hectic days seem to take it away from you? Use the holidays to remember your submission with these simple, small activities and thoughts!

Sign Up Here!

Now for the week in review:

This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

Submission in Gratitude
Submissive Chat Night – Free Chat

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask lunaKM Advice Column

The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

Ask lunaKM – I Need Full-Time, He Wants Part-Time
Okay.. So I’m a little in a dd/lg relationship. My dom enjoys the play, but only part-time. He doesn’t want full-time because he finds it stressful. I have trouble telling him how badly I need it. I need a 24/7 dom. I’m unable to do daily tasks. I crashed my car today because I couldn’t see through my tears, under the impression I was a bad girl when we last had a session, 3 nights before. With this background information, how can I fix it?

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2013: 30 Days of Submission: Day 23 – Questioning my Submission
In 2012: Solo Coaching – Glass Half Empty or Half Full: Working on a Positive Point of View
In 2011: Altered Submissive Speech – Thoughts and Ideas
In 2010: Some Gems of Simply Service
In 2009: Review: Erotic Slavehood

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Next Submissive Guide Chat Night

Come make friends and chit-chat. Twice monthly discussions, all are welcome. Chat room is open 24/7 for conversation.

Date: November 25th, 2014

Time: 8PM Central (Not in CST? Find out the time where you are!)
Topic: Free Chat

Join Chat Room Now!

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

Are you an exhibitionist? Does your body image affect how you feel about being exposed in public?
“And painful pleasure turns to pleasing pain.” – Edmund Spenser, “The Faerie Queene”
What personal hygiene acts do you perform or assist your Owner with?
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!
Featured Podcast of the Week – Erotic Awakening

EA339 – Topping from the Bottom is Good

17 Nov 2014, 4:04pm GMT

→ Erotic Awakening Podcast

This week on the Erotic Awakening Podcast, Dan & dawn talk about topping from the bottom, and why it is a good idea. PLUS they talk to Jazz about the International Person of Leather! PLUS they talk about when to mix job and polyamory and kink and where does the authentic person lie? PLUS Facebook goes mad; Big D meets 705; YouTube content; dog cast; and burlesque! Tags? Oh yea we got tags. #polyamory #topping #bdsm #contest #leather Don’t miss an episode! Click here to subscribe via iTunes or here for any other method Part of the Erotic Awakening Podcast Network Click the banner above for other great shows spanning the realm of BDSM, Sacred Sexuality, Tantra, and simply fun kin…

MP3 audio (54MB, 59min)

Podcast RSS

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Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on November 23, 2014 11:00

Submissive Chat Night – Free Chat

It’s time again for another chat night here at Submissive Guide. I’d welcome everyone to come on in Tuesday night for a bit of conversation. The topic is going to be free chat. Anything and everything can be discussed. Please come with questions or a curiosity about Dominant/submissive relationships.

Info

When: 11/25/14 8 PM CST – 9:30 PM CST (Not in CST? Find out the time where you are!)

Where: Chat room on the website, or use an IRC Client

Topic: Free chat

HOW TO GET TO THE CHAT ROOM

The chat room is attached to this site under the link at the top, or you can click this link here. It will ask for your nickname and then automatically connect you to the chat room. It is open all the time, so if you want to meet some people, hang out in there. I try to be there when I’m at my computer too.

If you use an IRC desktop client you can connect to the server directly. Here is the information you need to find the room:

Server: irc.kink-network.com

Port: 6667

Channel: #submissive-guide

Questions? Let me know. Otherwise I hope to see a lot of you there on Tuesday!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on November 20, 2014 07:00

Ask lunaKM – I Need Full-Time, He Wants Part-Time

Okay.. So I’m a little in a dd/lg relationship. My dom enjoys the play, but only part-time. He doesn’t want full-time because he finds it stressful. I have trouble telling him how badly I need it. I need a 24/7 dom. I’m unable to do daily tasks. I crashed my car today because I couldn’t see through my tears, under the impression I was a bad girl when we last had a session, 3 nights before. With this background information, how can I fix it?

The hard truth (with what little information I have) is that you can’t fix it. It’s clear to me from your message that he wants a part-time dynamic. You need a full-time dynamic. That’s a huge incompatibility. You can’t make him switch to 24/7 if he doesn’t want it and you can’t make yourself be part-time if you want more. Now, if you discussed moving to full-time in the beginning of your relationship and he agreed to it, perhaps it is time to bring it up again. But if he’s held his ground the whole time, you need to realize that things will not change.

But what I can’t figure out from your message is that you say you want 24/7 but you can’t do daily tasks. I’ll be the first to remind you that 24/7 means everyday, all day and will definitely come with tasks; often everyday. So that is contradictory to your desire for full-time submission. If you mean you want play more often – that’s not necessarily a 24/7 relationship either and you can certainly bring that up with your Dominant the next time you have a moment. Asking for more playtime and seeing if he desires the same isn’t the same as him only wanting a part-time relationship.

Finding compatible partners is hard, and working with the one you have might be your current situation – but you can’t make him do more than he’s willing to do and it’s clear you aren’t happy if you are seeking advice elsewhere. So look inward and decide if you want to try to compromise with him or if the relationship isn’t able to be saved. It’s a hard decision but a worthy one. Yours and his happiness depends on it.

And for goodness sake, don’t drive when you are crying so hard you can’t see! Pull over and wait until all of your focus is on driving, for goodness sake, or you could injure more than your car!

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on November 19, 2014 07:00

Submission in Gratitude

Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada is a weekend for celebrating the good we have in our lives and sharing it with those who are close to us. There is so much to be thankful for and this year, as I look back, I see the amazing abundance that comes to us in various ways, but I also find myself appreciative and grateful for the opportunity to have learned (and keep learning) about Dominance and submission. It is something I have thought about a lot lately as I have looked at my relationship with my Dominant and how it has changed and evolved over the years.

I have tendency to be really negative. I am self-critical and hold myself to very high standards that can often be hard to meet. Difficult situations come up and it can take me a lot of convincing that everything is going to work out just fine. When I get caught up in the spin of all things negative, it starts to permeate every other part of my life, including my relationship with my Dominant. It became important for me to recognize this thought pattern of mine because the energy that I am putting into our life together is what we are going to get out of it – and I can tell the difference. I certainly believe that my Dominant deserves to see the beauty in life and my attitude and thoughts can have a lot to do with that.

Sir and I met under more vanilla terms and navigated into a lifestyle of Dominance and submission together. Like everyone else, there are demands on us from the outside world that we are balancing too. You know, the non-negotiable parts of life that are required to make everything else happen. Yet, as we tried to work on things in our relationship from our vanilla perspective, there was always something else that was to blame for my bad mood – the lack of sleep, the daily drudge of tasks (and how we were trying to divide them), and so on. Communication was seen as important in our relationship but it was focused less about us and how we were feeling and more about what needed to be on the grocery list or who had an appointment coming up.

As we began to shift and explore our dynamic, which I am happy to say is now our lifestyle, it brought a lot of healing to our relationship. There are two keys areas that have made a big shift for us.

Living with intention

The idea of every moment, living with the intention of serving my Dominant has made even the most hated household tasks (matching socks anyone?) something that I be proud of at the end of the day. It is the daily devotion, similar to a spiritual practice, where I know I am living my life in service to my Dominant. This intention permeates everything and helps bring back my focus when I get off track.

This didn’t come easy – but it is a practice. It is knowing that when I get off track, that I can take a deep breath and start again in this new moment. For me, it is the brief pause, reaching up for my Dominant’s collar that I wear, thinking about how I am in service right here, right now. Then, it is time to move and live this intention with action.

When I started to change this self-talk around our relationship, I could see the new energy radiate from both of us. My thoughts can and do change how we were behaving with each other, so it is important for me to make them connecting, thoughtful, and loving.

Honest and open (no holding back) communication

In the vanilla world, it was so common to hear things like “sometimes you need to let things slide” or ” my partner does that too, there isn’t anything you can do about it”. I had learned that it was polite to bite my tongue and just go with it, instead of saying, “I could have really used a hug here” or “I felt really left out when (fill in the blank)”. I fell into a trap where I expected Sir to read my mind. I was caught in the trap that we had lived together for so long that of course he knew what I was thinking and feeling. Except that he doesn’t. He doesn’t live in my head. He doesn’t see things through the same lens of past experiences or in the moment feelings. Yet, I was expecting him to know. That wasn’t fair to him and it wasn’t fair to us. In changing our dynamic and really opening the lines of communication – both our daily communications and in more depth, through my journal, we have been able to avoid some of those bumps on the road or at least, smooth over them without disrupting our comfort too much.

Speaking of journals – it has become an important part of my journal to write out parts of my day that I am grateful for. As you can see, it is easy for me to lose those details to the fiery pits of my mind. In writing them out and writing out why they meant so much to me, I can bring some balance into my earlier negativity and start to shift my own patterns. I can bring healing to myself and to my relationship with my Dominant.

For us, Dominance and submission has given us a foundation of tools to grow from and I am thankful for the honesty and trust it took to get started. It looked like a big mountain to climb from the bottom, but the view as we climb is a fantastic reward!

Do you have a part of your kinky life that you are grateful for? How has it changed your life for the better?

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on November 18, 2014 07:00

Sign Up for The Submissive Advent Calendar to Celebrate Submission This Holiday Season

Two years ago I hosted a Submissive Advent Calendar on the site and it was very popular for the people who participated. This year I’m bringing it back as an email subscription! So sign up and every day from December 1st-24th you’ll receive something to keep your submission in focus this busy holiday season.

Below is what I shared 2 years ago to introduce the Advent Calendar:

The Advent is the time in anticipation for Christmas and is celebrated in some religious circles, but also carries a secular following. Advent translated means “the coming.” I’m sure everyone has seen the cardboard calendars with little doors and chocolate inside; to be opened one a day until Christmas Day. Well, I’ve had this idea of a Submissive Advent Calendar since starting Submissive Guide but never sat down to work out what it would be like or how I could apply my site focus to make it something worth doing.

I think I’ve finally figure it out. Starting Saturday December 1st, Submissive Guide will email you one Advent Activity every day until Christmas. The activities will vary but will have quotes, questions, short tasks and crafts to help you focus more on your submissive self this holiday season. You do not have to be in a relationship to perform most of these activities and I hope that they will provide you a sense of peace and joy this holiday season as we celebrate Winter ending, theFestival of Lights, the coming of the Messiah or maybe a glance at the Festivus Pole. Whatever your beliefs, take a moment out of each day to join me in honoring our submission.

Should You Participate?
Is it a good thing for us submissives to set aside a special time in the year to focus more on submission and grow in our relationship with our Dominant?
Is it good for us to get in touch with just how much we need to submit?
Is it helpful for us to learn to serve our Dominant more faithfully?
Is it helpful to remember our place in the D/s relationship is to provide beauty, grace and service?
Would it be a valuable thing in your life to be prepared to submit in any way that your Dominant calls upon you to do?
Would you like to experience more of what submission means to you during the often hectic weeks prior to Christmas?
Would your submission be enriched if you were to read, study, and meditate on texts that speak to you and your growth as a submissive?

If you answered in the affirmative to any of these questions you will likely benefit from participating in some or all of the activities coming up. They won’t take too much out of your day – I promise. I look forward to learning and growing and rejoicing in our submission this Holiday Season.

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on November 17, 2014 07:00

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

Hi folks,

Snow folks. We have snow. And it is so cold for this time of year that seasonal depression might be pretty darned high for a lot of folks; myself included. I struggle with it but I know that I can manage with the comforts I have in place. How are you fairing where you are? Do you have snow? Is it normal for this time of year? Let me know!

Join the growing list of fans that get to hang out with me monthly on Google Hangout!
Monthly Video Posts Return! Thank you for the support. Next Goal: Upgrade the ServersI work hard to write and produce the content and I don’t ask for much in return. This is a small way you can show me that you appreciate my efforts. If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a patron of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $3 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:

This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

On Perfectionism
Sub Drop From Afar from andyiccee
A Key To Slave Bliss: Contentment by charmed blyss
Book Review: Real Service by tequilarose

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask lunaKM Advice Column

The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

Ask lunaKM – I’m so clumsy!
Hi. I am in a master and slave relationship and I am the slave in our relationship. I have moments when I am so clumsy and I really hate it. Sometimes I do things like spill drinks on the floor or on myself. Today I spilled some soda on myself and I also spilled some soda on my master. Luckily my master did not get angry or upset. He knows that I did not mean it. However it still bothers me and I feel bad about it. Every time I am clumsy I feel bad about it. So I would love to know if there is anything my master can do for me and if there is anything I can do for myself to help me stop being so clumsy.

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2013: 30 Days of Submission: Day 15 – My Evolution as a Submissive
In 2012: What is Non-sexual Play?
In 2011: To Hug or Not To Hug by LaneyDoll
In 2010: Old Fashioned BDSM Christmas
In 2009: 5 Ways to Express Your Gratitude to Your Dominant

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Next Submissive Guide Chat Night

Come make friends and chit-chat. Twice monthly discussions, all are welcome. Chat room is open 24/7 for conversation.

Date: November 25th, 2014

Time: 8PM Central (Not in CST? Find out the time where you are!)
Topic: Free Chat

Join Chat Room Now!

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

“The black dress seemed excessively revealing—because it was astonishing to discover that the lines of her shoulder were fragile and beautiful, and that the diamond band on the wrist of her naked arm gave her the most feminine of all aspects: the look of being chained.” -Ayn Rand, “Atlas Shrugged”
As a slave, you do not give up your will. You learn to attune it to another person’s, until the two are as one. This is the real source of that “second sense” that some experienced slaves have: they know their Owners so well that they experience the Owners’ needs and desires as their own. In a sense, then, rather than giving up responsibility, a slave becomes doubly accountable. From Erotic Slavehood by Christina Abernathy
“For me, D/s is a graded endeavor. There are definitive levels of achievement. There is an unacceptable level of performance. Effort is not enough to make the grade.” – Sir C
Is your Dominant called Sir or Master?
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!
Featured Podcast of the Week – The People of Kink

TPOK Minicast 4 – Consensual Non-consent

12 Nov 2014, 6:00am GMT

→ The People of Kink

Eva Morgan and Rubee Tuesday get behind the mics this week to discuss a topic that can be debated very easily.

MP3 audio (23MB, 17min)

Podcast RSS

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Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on November 16, 2014 10:00

Book Review: Real Service

I bought this book on a recommendation from a member of Fetlife who commented on a post I created asking about different types of service. I can honestly say that purchasing this book is one of those things I can call one of the better decisions I’ve made in my life. While the book isn’t very long, it is still full of amazing information and I do highly recommend it to any service-oriented s-type.

Real Service is written by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny, a Master/slave couple who have taught and presented at workshops for years to the BDSM and several other communities and have co-authored several books together. While this is the first book by the two that I have read, the passion that these two have for the lifestyle is clearly visible through the pages of this book.

Real Service wasn’t written for just the s-types who give the service, but also for the D-types who are new and want to learn about service and how to get better service from their s-type, but don’t know how to go about doing so. In the last paragraph of the introduction, and I do love this paragraph, “ This book was written for M-types who would like to develop a multi-skilled tool to help them live more effectively, and s-types who love to serve and know that there’s so much more they could do, or at least would like to learn better service to please their M-type, regardless of whether it’s their thing.”. I’m not gonna lie, I really do love the idea of being a multi-skilled tool used to make Daddy’s life easier.

Like I said earlier, a lot of things are covered in this book, including Joshua’s rules of service(and my favorite one being “If the master doesn’t want it, it isn’t service”, which let me tell you, has really made me re-think what I call service and if it really is), different types of service, a few chapters for the D-types, as well as a list of different skillsets, and several other different service related topics as well. I found myself doing A LOT of highlighting as I read because of wanting to re-read at a later time and as well as wanting to use them as journal prompts for my slave journal as there are several thought-provoking points throughout the entire book.

Before giving my ratings and purchasing information, I want to share another quote from the book that really spoke to me and I think is a good thing for all of us service based s-types to remember because I’m sure at some point in time, we’ve all experienced these feelings before:

“The servant is obligated to do things the master’s way, and if they’re a good servant, they should work on not acting too resentful while they’re doing it. A good thought process to focus on during those trying times might be, “I’m serving this person because I believe they’re worthy of it. …”

You can buy Real Service on Amazon as well as Alfred Press in both paperback and ebook form.

Tequila R’s Rating: 10/10

Paperback: 126 pages

Publisher: Alfred Press

Language: English

ISBN-10: 0982879431

ISBN-13: 978-0982879436

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on November 14, 2014 07:00

A Key To Slave Bliss: Contentment

Erawan Waterfall by Naypong, FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A few weeks ago, there was a vanilla event that I had the opportunity to volunteer with. It seemed like hundreds of people poured into the building to hear the speaker. There were some key points that he covered, but the one that stood out to me the most was that of contentment. He said that being content as an individual is most important, the reason being that the level of contentment held by an individual is a clear reflection of how content they are in general and more importantly, it speaks to how much they enjoy their own company. “If you don’t like being around you, why would anyone else like being around you?” Sounds a little harsh, but as I ruminated over that portion of the talk, it turned into a stark reality that many overlook.

Contentment: a state of happiness and satisfaction

Not to be confused with –

Complacent: pleased with oneself or one’s merit, advantages, situation without awareness of some potential danger or defect; self-satisfied

There was a time when my belief was: to be content was to be complacent. But the two aren’t synonymous. To expound, erroneously I thought that to be content in any way meant that there was nothing else to strive for, or that the situation was fine just as it was (regardless of the situation – being single, partnered, maintaining a certain position, higher learning and so on), but that couldn’t be furthest from the truth.

Contentment is a state of mind and state of being. Yes, there is a satisfaction, but that satisfaction isn’t based on reaching a certain level, obtaining a certain position, receiving a collar, or any other thing or situation that is impermanent – though that’s what many of us believe. I’ll be happy when I finally have a Master. I’ll be totally satisfied when they love me. After I’m accepted things will be better. These examples show that satisfaction/happiness (therefore contentment) is held off ‘until’. But what if ‘until’ never happens? Will we hold off on any amount of happiness or joy because the ‘perfect’ situation hasn’t arrived? Truly, it’s my belief that doing such holds us back not only from cultivating internal joy, but also from simply experiencing life. The vision becomes myopic, which in a way is tragic; we desperately and fiercely cling to all that we believe is ideal, choking the vitality out of life itself – so melodramatic, lol.

If you don’t like being around you, why would anyone else like being around you?

It wasn’t until after quietly reflecting over this statement that it dawned on me that really, I’m pretty content in life, but more specifically, even as a slave. Realizing this brought a huge smile to my face. This isn’t to say that this has always been the case, but that was due primarily for lack of understanding the difference between being content and being complacent. There’s freedom in having knowledge!

Contentment is a crucial key to slave bliss whether one is under consideration, collared, owned and more importantly if one is unattached to a Master. Without it, a slave is constantly looking for what is believed will bring contentment. This reminds me of something author/teacher Beth Moore says, “… In one way or another we hold out that empty cup to the people in our lives and say, ’Can somebody please fill this? Even a tablespoon would help.’” Cultivating contentment allows the slave to be her best in her service and in offering her submission – she doesn’t wander about anxiously seeking a Master. She delights in what she is, a slave; her security is internal rather than external – and she’s able to display a certain level of confidence as she travels her path. She doesn’t serve because she needs or wants to be noticed or to secure/maintain a position – she’s content whether serving a Master or not, whether collared or not, whether seen or not. No, she’s not perfect, yes she makes mistakes and has shortcomings; she has her ‘special ways’ (idiosyncrasies); there are things about herself that may challenge her growth, even. But none of this changes her level of contentment.

During my undergrad years, there was a conversation between a regular patron of our school’s plays and myself. During the conversation, he was congratulating me on some accomplishment and was complimenting me on some things. And you’d never believe that my response was to deflect his compliment and congratulating me – yep, I went on talking about everything else that i needed to learn and why what had been accomplished wasn’t enough and so on. Though his exact words escape me, the sentiment was that I needed to allow myself to enjoy where I was. Just because we decide to live in a state of contentment doesn’t mean it happens instantly. It took me many years to move into that space and even realize that’s where I am. It wasn’t even easy work, but well worth it. Also, it’s important to point out that just because a slave is content overall doesn’t mean that there aren’t hiccups or frustrations, because well, we’re human, and lows are bound to come. The single will want to be coupled, the coupled may want some down time, and a plethora of things in between! But these hiccups/frustrations aren’t a sign that one is living in a state of discontentment; these moments are temporary and sometimes fleeting. But overall, contentment remains, which is what matters most.

It’s a very good thing that contentment isn’t based on circumstances or people…

Lots of love,

blyss

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on November 13, 2014 07:00

Ask lunaKM – I’m so clumsy!

Hi. I am in a master and slave relationship and I am the slave in our relationship. I have moments when I am so clumsy and I really hate it. Sometimes I do things like spill drinks on the floor or on myself. Today I spilled some soda on myself and I also spilled some soda on my master. Luckily my master did not get angry or upset. He knows that I did not mean it. However it still bothers me and I feel bad about it. Every time I am clumsy I feel bad about it. So I would love to know if there is anything my master can do for me and if there is anything I can do for myself to help me stop being so clumsy.

I feel you. I am a huge klutz and KnyghtMare often jokes that I’m going to die of a stubbed toe one day. Here’s what I’ve learned about my clumsiness and perhaps it can help you too. I’m nowhere near perfect but I am more aware so it’s a step in the right direction.

I’m the most clumsy when:

I’m stressed
I’m anxious
I’m tired
I’m hurried
I’m distracted
My glasses are really dirty

In all these things you can certainly take steps to help you reduce or eliminate the amount of clumsy incidents with a few simple steps. The most common cause, and I know one I experience personally is a loss of balance. The most helpful thing for balance building is a routine exercise program. Strengthening muscles and stretching will help you keep your balance better than you are now.

Get more sleep. Fatigue can cause muscle weakness and you will be more distracted. It is an enemy of your desire to be less of a klutz.

Now, this one is something everyone can do; slow down. That’s a big one for me. I’m always trying to do things really fast and in a rush – especially if it’s something that KnyghtMare has asked me to do. Think quality service over speedy service, speed will come with time. So, slow down, focus on your steps, concentrate on what you are doing and be confident. Graceful movement will help you slow down too. So start being more aware of where your limbs are, how you are poised and the way your body moves and you’ll apply some graceful movement to your day and could cut down the incidents of spills, trips and bumps.

Now there are a few medical reasons for clumsiness if you feel that it is severe enough or you can pinpoint specific situations where it’s worse I’d bring it up to your Doctor.

Are You a Klutz?

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on November 12, 2014 07:00

Sub Drop From Afar

Sub drop is the feeling of hopelessness and depression that can follow the extreme rush of endorphins during intense play or sex if the sub is not cared for appropriately afterwards. Care varies from person to person – some of us need to be held and cuddled and praised and iced or hot packed accordingly, other people need time to lay with their blanket or stuffy and calm down. Either way, sub drop is a very important topic of conversation for you and your Dominant because it can become dangerous to an individual’s health if their serotonin levels (the happiness hormone) remain too low for too long and negative behaviors such as drinking, cutting, or thoughts of suicide can follow. It is important to discuss proper aftercare with your dominant if you are prone to sub drop.

If you are in a long distance relationship, this becomes an even more pressing topic of conversation if you are still participating in intensive play. I had never experienced sub drop until two weeks ago. Master is always a very cuddly person after a session together so I never thought much about my need for more aftercare.

Master and I have been apart for two months now while I am studying in Europe and while we talk about sex a lot and I serve out punishments, we have not had any intense play until two weeks ago. Master made me cum torture myself while he watched – incredibly painful and tear inducing when it was happening, the aftermath was worse. When I was finally done with the activity, Master praised me and we spoke for about fifteen more minutes and then he left and I set myself up to do homework.

It was about now that I realized I was on the cusp of tears and that I was shaking. My body was in pain and I was overwhelmed with emotion. Master had put down his phone and walked away and I was left very alone in my hyper-emotional state. When I messaged one of my BDSM friends about it, she confirmed – sub drop. It was a horrible experience but I was proactive and I found a way to make it through unscathed.

What did I do? I thought about what we normally did after play to prevent this kind of thing from happening. Closeness, physical warmth, comfort, my Master murmuring that I had done well in my ear. I did my best to recreate the scene 5000 miles away from my Master. I put on my heavy sweatpants and a comfortable shirt, made myself some very warm tea, and nestled into my bed forming a cocoon with my blankets. It was not nearly as effective and took much longer than had Master been there, but I was okay afterwards.

More importantly, I brought this up with my Master. I had to choose my words carefully to make sure that I was not construed as being accusative, “You hung up without taking care of me”, but rather that we openly discussed the situation that had taken place. I first defined sub drop – both the more official definition, which he of course knew, but also how sub drop affected me. I then told him about the situation that had arisen the day before. I told him what I had done and we brainstormed ways to further reduce instances of this happening when we played long distance. Master would stay on the phone longer to make sure I was okay, maybe we would turn it into a movie date where we both laid in bed watching the same movie to make us seem closer and drink the same drinks.

Though my needs may not mirror yours post play, it is important to know that sub drop can happen even when your Dominant is not physically present. When there is an extreme rush of hormones, your body will need to come down eventually. With the proper aftercare you can bring yourself down slowly, and not crashing all at once. Your dominant may also have a sense of why you tend to gravitate towards certain activities or cuddle positions post-play and may be able to suggest things that can take their place or ways to generate a similar feeling of security and support from afar. Make sure that if you are experiencing sub drop you tell your Dominant because it is important to put your physical and mental safety first!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on November 11, 2014 07:00