Luna Carruthers's Blog, page 67

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

Hi folks,

With just 20 days until Christmas I’m feeling in the holiday spirit. For me it has nothing to do with gifts or seasonal foods, but the magic that seems to be around. From the beauty of snowfall to the twinkling lights, cozy sweaters (even the ugly ones) and the spirit of charity all around the globe. With that said I’m trying to come up with gifts to give my family that they will enjoy and are special. I don’t like to spend a ton of money on any particular person and I know that my mom prefers my homebaked bread, hot cocoa mix and cream cheese mints. That’s all she ever asks for and I spoil her each year. Nieces and nephews I’m not sure what to get them. I like to be memorable since I’m the aunt they only see for holidays. I know many of you have already started shopping, but I’m still deciding on the best things to get my loved ones. We’ll see as the day draws near!

What one gift do you have the strongest memory of?

Join the growing list of fans that get to hang out with me monthly on Google Hangout!
Monthly Video Posts Return! Thank you for the support. Next Goal: Upgrade the Servers

I work hard to write and produce the content and I don’t ask for much in return. This is a small way you can show me that you appreciate my efforts. If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a patron of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $3 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:
This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

Little Does Not Equal Irresponsible by tequilarose
What an Alpha BabyGirl Is to Me by andyiccee
The Best Resources for Littles, Adult Babies, and Diaper Lovers by tequilarose
Book Review: The BDSM Coloring Book by LibrarianBrat

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask lunaKM Advice Column

The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

None this week.

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2013: Book Review: Brie Learns the Art of Submission: Submissive Training Center by tequilarose
In 2012: Submissive Advent – Day 7: Random Acts of Kindness
In 2011: Assent Matters by SherynB
In 2010: Who Has the Power, Really?
In 2009: Can You Separate BDSM and Sex?

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Next Submissive Guide Chat Night

Come make friends and chit-chat. Twice monthly discussions, all are welcome. Chat room is open 24/7 for conversation.

Date: December 9th, 2014

Time: 8PM Central (Not in CST? Find out the time where you are!)
Topic: Finding a Compatible Partner

Join Chat Room Now!

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

Finish this phrase: The one thing I really wanted for Christmas was ____________.
What has changed within your dynamic this past year? Is it a positive or negative change? How has it affected how you serve?
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!
Featured Podcast of the Week – The Fearless Submissive

S-types like to complain, but what happens when we bad mouth our Dominant? What message are we putting out there?

MP3 audio (20MB, 44min)

Podcast RSS

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on December 07, 2014 10:00

Book Review: The BDSM Coloring Book

This is a guest post by LibrarianBrat.

Hello, I am LibrarianBrat and I am a little. When I am a little I range in age between 5-8. In my adult life I have a master’s degree in Library and Information Sciences and am currently a PhD student. Luna asked me to write a review of The BDSM Coloring Book: An Activity Book for Kinksters With Crayons by Michael Makai.

The introduction to “The BDSM Coloring Book” is humorous while letting the reader know that this book is for adults only. The introduction also includes a short discussion of what littles are and some terms associated with littles.

The coloring book has a full alphabet of different BDSM terms with pictures and detailed descriptions/definitions. The descriptions/definitions are well written and concise. There is some humor included in the book, some pages have little funny quips included as part of the picture. Many of the pictures would be best colored using colored pencils or thin tip markers as there are some detailed drawings.

Almost all the pictures of people depict a female submissive and much of the language, while it does mention that a submissive, little, or bottom could be male the book assumes a male Dom and a female sub.

Littles who do not have a BDSM dynamic in their relationship, or those littles that regress to a very young age may struggle with the pictures and the subject matter while they are in their little mode/mindset. When looking at the book for review I looked at it many times in different mental spaces and when I was at my youngest I found the pictures funny or confusing but when I wasn’t my littlest I found them well drawn and fun. Also when I was littlest the descriptions/definitions were too many words for me to care about, but when I was more grown-up I really enjoyed them.

There are a few different activity pages similar to what is found in many coloring books, including a Hidden Object picture, word finds, and a dot-to-dot. All in all this is a fun book that I recommend for hours of fun!

Product Details

Paperback: 52 pages
Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform; Clr edition (July 10, 2014)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 149752749X
ISBN-13: 978-1497527492
Product Dimensions: 8 x 0.1 x 10 inches
Interested? Pick up your copy at Amazon!
LibrarianBrat has a master’s degree in Library and Information Sciences and is currently a PhD student in Higher Education. She is also a little. She enjoys coloring, learning things, Disney Fairy movies, kitties, stuffies, and cuddles with her Papa. You may contact her at FetLife: https://fetlife.com/users/1323249.

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on December 05, 2014 07:00

Submissive Chat Night: Finding a Compatible Dominant Partner

It’s time again for another chat night here at Submissive Guide. I’d welcome everyone to come on in Tuesday for a bit of conversation. Anything and everything can be discussed. Please come with questions or a curiosity about Dominant/submissive relationships.

Info

When: 12/09/14 @ 8 PM CST – 9:30 PM CST (Not in CST? Find out the time where you are!)

Where: Chat room on the website, or use an IRC Client

Topic: Finding a Compatible Dominant Partner

Where to find Dominants
How to date when BDSM or D/s are included
What additional compatibility do you need?
How to address expectations, needs, desires
more…

HOW TO GET TO THE CHAT ROOM

The chat room is attached to this site under the link at the top, or you can click this link here. It will ask for your nickname and then automatically connect you to the chat room. It is open all the time, so if you want to meet some people, hang out in there. I try to be there when I’m at my computer too.

If you use an IRC desktop client you can connect to the server directly. Here is the information you need to find the room:

Server: irc.kink-network.com

Port: 6667

Channel: #submissive-guide

Questions? Let me know. Otherwise I hope to see a lot of you there on Tuesday!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on December 04, 2014 07:00

The Best Resources for Littles, Adult Babies, and Diaper Lovers

About a month ago, I got an email from a reader telling me that she and her dominant are interested in the Daddy/little girl lifestyle and asked me if I knew of any other online resources other than my previous articles that have appeared here on Submissive Guide. Sadly to say, I didn’t have many to give her. There were a few I knew off-hand, but knew that there’s a lot more out there than what I knew. So, I spent some time searching the internet high and low to see what I could find, and I would like to think that I’ve come up with a wide variety of information sources for those who are littles, adult babies, and diaper lovers. I knew if one person is asking, there are others out there who are just as curious but may not be brave enough to ask. I’m breaking the sources down to categories, Fetlife, Tumblr, YouTube, and then other various websites.

Fetlife:

List of Little and Adult Baby/Diaper Lover groups on Fetlife: This post is over four years old, and quite a few of the groups that are listed no longer exist, but there are still a lot of groups that are still active.

Taffy Davenport: I’m kinda partial here because she’s my bbf, but you will find some really great writings by her about different topics pertaining to the little lifestyle.

FAQs, Information and Resources from the group Daddy Doms and babygirls: There’s a lot of in group threads in here that cover a great variety of topics.

AB/DL/Age Play Store and Services: This Fetlife group is the perfect place to look for places and people who sell adult baby, diaper lover, and age players to buy whatever they’re looking for from onsies and more personalized items.

24/7: ABDL/Age Players: This group is for adult babies, diaper lovers, and age players of all kind. There’s a wide variety of topics that are discussed and a lot of good information in the sticky section as well.

Tumblr:

A Lolita’s Life: Lolita is very Tumblr famous with the littles! She answers a LOT of questions that anyone has about being little and her poly relationship with her Daddy and husband.

Daddy Vinne: Daddy Vinnie is Lolita’s Daddy. He’s also rather Tumblr famous among the littles. Like Lolita, he offers a lot of advice to both the bigs and littles alike.

BDSM-Daddy Doms: Not only do they have a lot of pretty awesome pictures(my personal opinion), but they also answer questions.

DDLG Doodles: This tumblr page is filled with all sorts of awesome stuff including a lot of safety advice about different types of play.

DDlg Secrets: Not only does this tumblr page answer follower’s questions about the Daddy/little girl lifestyle, but it’s also a bit like the PostSecret’s website, where littles anonymously leave secrets they have about the Daddy/little lifestyle.

YouTube:

15 Stone Babies: A documentary that aired in the UK about adult babies in the UK and US. Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four

Mid American Baby: A young man shares how he discovered his little side.

Lolly Go: A young woman shares her experiences as a little/diaper lover.

LifestyleLittle: Candi is an AB/DL and shares her feelings and experiences.

Ostrichlamps: This is a group of several people who post videos about different topics pertaining to Daddy/little girl as well as AB/DL.

Others:

Big Little Podcast: A podcast made by, about and for littles, adult babies, and diaper lovers and they cover a broad range of topics that pertain to the little lifestyle.

A Little’s Munch: A place where you can find other local littles and little munches in your area.

A Little’s Understanding: A website for everything little! It has a chat room, forum to share ideas, scrabooking ideas, and some pretty awesome articles as well.

Little Girl Lost: This site came highly recommended by some littles on Fetlife. It’s the web archive of the website. This does contain some sexual material, so if you’re a non-sexual little, be careful!

Age Play Negotiation Form: This is like a BDSM checklist, but specialized for those who are littles and age players and everything in between. It covers everything from what kind of little you are, safe words, what kind of physical contact is okay during play and several other very important areas. This is something that is perfect to fill out if you and your partner are starting to explore the dynamic.

In Daddy’s Arms: A blog kept by an owned babygirl and submissive and her thoughts, experiences, and progress in her relationship.

Books:

Ageplay: From Diapers to to Diplomas by Paul Rulof: Do you want to be a sassy schoolchild or a baby again? For an hour or maybe longer? Ageplay, or role-playing focused on being a different age, is one way to have fun and express yourself. Whether emotionally satisfying, sexually satisfying, or both, this type of role-playing is fun and evocative. This book will guide you through the different aspects of ageplay. Sections include describing and choosing roles, setting up scenes and interactions, and finding other people to connect and play with. Included are quotes from ageplayers, describing their interactions and feelings, as well as a list of scene possibilities. I am reading this one and am finding it very interesting.

The Toybag Guide to Age Play by Lee Harrington: Adult babies, sassy schoolgirls, bratty teens – all hold an honored place in the erotic roleplaying imagination of many adults. You’ll learn how to express yourself through your ageplay role, choose a level of play that feels safe yet exciting, negotiate to be sure your needs get met, and find great props and equipment to inspire your play. This one is on my to read list. I love Lee Harrington and he is full of so much amazing knowledge.

The Age Play and Diaper Fetish Handbook by Penny Barber: Penny Barber has put her years of experience as a diaper fetish model, AB/DL switch, and professional Mommy into The Age Play and Diaper Fetish Handbook: The Ultimate Guide to the World of AB/DL. It is the first complete resource for anyone who wants to know about the world of age players and diaper lovers. Perfect for professional players, the partners of AB/DLs, and AB/DLs themselves, The Handbook is packed with practical tips on everything from choosing the perfect diaper to administering AB/DL punishments to the best regression methods. This is another one that I plan on reading as soon as I get the chance.

Power Exchange Books: Age Play by Robert Rubel: Age play is a form of role play enjoyed by many adults worldwide. Age play never involves biological children and is a role play for consenting adults only. As you will read in this issue, there is no “one way” to live out the role one chooses. We have collected a gallery of age players from across the country who cover a wide scope of different orientations and personalities. Each of the authors showcased in this edition will share their story and style with you. It is our desire that those looking for a place to begin their age play journey will find a path of direction that will help them move forward. For those who have started your path, may you gather fresh ideas and outlooks to add to and enhance your age play. Join us as we share our heartfelt joys, heartbreaking sorrows, moments of personal enlightenment, and just plain fun moments through the articles that follow.

I hope this list is a great start in where to go for little, adult baby, and diaper lover resources. Please feel free to share any links I may have missed in the comments. I would to see what else the readers have that I may not know about.

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on December 03, 2014 07:00

What an Alpha BabyGirl Is to Me

The more I research BDSM the more I feel at home in the community – I realize that aspects of myself that I always thought were weird and unacceptable are permissive and actually quite normal here. The more I research the more I realize that I epitomize some of these roles without trying. When I learn new roles I listen, I read, I research, and then I discuss with my Master. I think that I have found my niche, and while new experiences and dynamics may arise in the future, in the last few months I have really accepted who I am: An Alpha BabyGirl.

Obviously, my identity has two parts – which I think are important to share with you because (1) there is very little information on the internet about what an Alpha Sub is and (2)I want you to see that seemingly opposing roles may actually work hand-in-hand and are worth exploring.

When I first heard the term “alpha sub” I spent days trying to research what it was. While there were lots of porn links that appeared on Google, there were few websites that gave me genuine information. Here is my summary of days and days of research:

An Alpha Sub can be one of two things, the most powerful submissive in a poly group (the person who has the most power, responsibility, etc in a poly hierarchy) or a submissive who is very dominant in the realm outside of their relationship.

This is where many BDSM-ers freeze and freak out and become very angry that someone who is a full-time submissive can possibly be dominant in some facets of their life. I have been screamed at by many people when I tried to discuss this in a BDSM Facebook group – I must not be a real submissive they say.

Actually, I am a real submissive. I am a 24/7 submissive, I serve my Master, I follow his rules, I accept punishments (occasionally begrudgingly), but I do all the things that people associate with being a submissive. Now there is no ONE way to be a submissive – my service is not your service. I keep the house clean, the laundry done, I use my ben waa balls daily, and follow all the other components of my contract – this makes me no less Alpha.

I am a dominant person outside of what I do with Master. Though he is always my Master and I always follow his orders and cater to his needs (thus still being submissive to him ALWAYS), I like the feeling of power and control. I am a top student at my university. I always lead group projects in the classroom and at work. I am applying to PhD programs and the only student at my research attempting to obtain an academic publication. I am always a dominant personality in my friend group. I take control in these situations – this makes me no less submissive.

I thrive on power, but I also thrive on submission – I consider it a yin-yang kind of a situation. It balances me to be dominant in so much of my life, and yet completely and irrevocably submissive to my Master and to no one but my Master. This leads into the second half of my identity – BabyGirl. I not only am submissive to my Master, but, I am his BabyGirl.

A BabyGirl or Little is someone who acts “childish”, often as a means of relaxation. While often depicted as individuals wearing silly socks, holding stuffed animals, or watching cartoons, littles are not irresponsible. Littles can hold jobs and be parents, but they relax best by partaking in activities typically associated with children. The power exchange between Littles and Dominants (often referred to as Daddys) is often one of extreme protection and care, though they are still a Dominant, not just a caretaker.

I do not refer to my dominant as Daddy – he is my Master and my Chief, but I still identify as a Little. When I become very stressed I love being able to have Little Time where Master takes care of me, where I can be cutesy and use babytalk. Where I can wear silly socks and lay on the floor with the Princess coloring book and crayons Master bought me, to decompress.

After a long day at work, sometimes I don’t want to mix a drink with my friends, I want to be silly and have my Little Time with my Master. He understands this. For me, every night is not Little Night – I do not always need to color or hold a stuffed animal, but when I do, my Master makes sure that we can set aside time for those needs to be met.

In order to make sure that my dominance does not transfer over to Master and to ensure that my needs are met in terms of Little Time, my Master and I need to talk. He needs to tell me when I am being aggressive with him (usually a sign that I am overly stress and in need of Little Time!) and I need to adjust my tone and attitude. Similarly, sometimes I need to tell Master that I cannot be yelled at that day for whatever reason, so if he could speak softly to me and use his baby voice, that would be best. In communicating, we balance these two distinct pieces of myself.

While you may not feel that YOU are an Alpha BabyGirl, I think that it is important to discuss what your needs are and who you are with your Master. I played these roles in our relationship before I even knew the terminology, but the terminology certainly helped me to explain certain situations to my Master. Do research, ask questions, and if you cannot find an answer reach out to us – we will do our best to find you and answer!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 1 comment • flag

Published on December 02, 2014 07:00

Little Does Not Equal Irresponsible

The other night after dinner, I curled up on the couch watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (yes, again. There’s a lot of My Little Pony in this household thanks to yours truly), and the particular episode I was watching really hit home for me. In this episode, Mr. Carrot Cake and his wife, Mrs. Cup Cake, have twins, Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake. Once the twins are brought home from the hospital, Pinkie Pie is constantly playing with them because she loves it. Then the Cakes find themselves in a desperate need for a babysitter and are asking EVERYONE in Ponyville, except for Pinkie Pie, despite how many times she volunteers for the job. Finally, when nobody else can, Mr. and Mrs. Cake reluctantly give the job to Pinkie Pie.

The reason they don’t want to give the babysitting job to Pinkie Pie is because they don’t think she’s responsible enough to handle it. Pinkie Pie isn’t the most responsible pony in Ponyville. She’s extremely different from the rest, a little loud and rambunctious, and marches to the beat of her own drummer. A lot of the other ponies do question Pinkie Pie’s actions, even though she knows what she’s doing.

I don’t know how many times I have been in Pinkie Pie’s shoes and I know that I’m not the only little who has either. Just the other day in one of the little groups I’m in on Fetlife, there was a thread going about how people tend to see littles as immature and irresponsible. This is one of those wonderful misconceptions that a lot of people have about those who are part of the adult baby/diaper lovers and little lifestyle.

The reason why people outside the AB/DL and little lifestyle tend to think this way because they assume since we enjoy childlike things, then obviously we are like children in all aspects, and this includes being irresponsible. Being seen like this is so frustrating, not just because of the stereotyping that’s being done, but that it’s a huge lie. The people who participate in the little lifestyle come from various walks of life, various ages, both male and female, some with kids, some without, some who are in school, some who work, and some who stay at home. Everyone also has their own reasons why they consider themselves a little or an adult baby and while the reasons why maybe similar, but no two reasons are identical, the same with the types of relationships that the littles have with their caregivers.

I know there is a time and a place for being little, as do all the others. I’m little pretty much all the time, but I know I have responsibilities and how little I am at the time depends on what I’m doing at the moment. I have class I have to attend and homework to do, I have an apartment to clean and laundry to do, I have groceries to buy and meals to cook. Just because I’m little doesn’t mean that I get to spend my entire day watching cartoons, stuffing my face with cereal, and coloring, despite the fact that I would love to. I could do that, but there will be some serious consequences if I do. Just like me, all these other littles have responsibilities that they have as well. Like with anything else in life, it’s finding a balance between the two. Do I go grocery shopping while wearing my pink deer antlers? You betcha. Do I have days where I wake up feeling like wearing my cat ears and drawing whiskers on my face and pretend to be a cat before leaving for school? Did that just last week. Do I take my Travel Bambi with me when I go run errands because I’m having a particularly rough day? Regularly and plus, Travel Bambi likes getting out of the house. Doing any of these things doesn’t impact me carrying out my responsibilities. Just because you see an adult woman wearing a Lolita dress or an adult man out in public with a pacifier, doesn’t mean they’re incapable of being a responsible adult.

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on December 01, 2014 07:00

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

Hi folks,

The madness that is the holiday rush has officially begun! Did any of you brave the crowds on Friday? How’s your Christmas Shopping coming together? I tend to shop online for most everything and I have only a small list of people to buy for so it makes my shopping pretty easy.

Join the growing list of fans that get to hang out with me monthly on Google Hangout!
Monthly Video Posts Return! Thank you for the support. Next Goal: Upgrade the ServersI work hard to write and produce the content and I don’t ask for much in return. This is a small way you can show me that you appreciate my efforts. If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a patron of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $3 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Sign Up for The Submissive Advent Calendar to Celebrate Submission This Holiday Season

You still have time! Sign up today and every day from December 1st-24th you’ll receive something to keep your submission in focus this busy holiday season.

Ever wanted to focus on your submission when stress and hectic days seem to take it away from you? Use the holidays to remember your submission with these simple, small activities and thoughts!

Sign Up Here!

Now for the week in review:

This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

How to Keep a Cool Head When You Get Angry With Your Dominant
Stress and Santa: Managing Stressful Situations Around the Holidays

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask lunaKM Advice Column

The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

Ask lunaKM – What are you punished for?
Ok, I know this sounds like a silly question but I wanted to know what other submissives out there are being punished for. I have been a sexual submissive for three years now and my Dom and I are slowly bringing our dynamic out of the bedroom. I have read a lot of articles about punishment and so I know what the purpose of it is and different methods of punishment that Doms use, but I can’t find any specific causes for the punishments. Basically I want to be sure that I am not doing something in my relationship that I could or possibly should be punished for. I know that every relationship is different and using phrases like “pushing limits” and “disappointing Him” help to apply to everyone, but I was hoping that there would be a few brave souls out there that could share their stories of what they did, how they were punished and what they learned. I know that is a lot to ask people to divulge embarrassing and possibly painful details, but I am just trying to understand truly how a relationship with a punishment dynamic works.

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2013: 30 Days of Submission: Day 30 – What Makes Submission Special?
In 2012: Never Say Never: Overcoming Hard Limits
In 2011: Overcoming Frustration and Anger
In 2010: Review: Carrie’s Story
In 2009: Why You Should Sign Up for the Submissive Guide Newsletter

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Next Submissive Guide Chat Night

Come make friends and chit-chat. Twice monthly discussions, all are welcome. Chat room is open 24/7 for conversation.

Date: December 9th, 2014

Time: 8PM Central (Not in CST? Find out the time where you are!)
Topic: Finding a Compatible Partner

Join Chat Room Now!

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

“Pin up on your bed, your mirror, your wall, a sign, lady, until you know it in every part of your being: We were destined to delight, excite and satisfy the male of the species. Real women know this.” -From The Sensuous Woman by J
Do you enjoy deprivation of certain things you once took for granted? If it occurs within your dynamic:

- Do you find it to be annoying/frustrating?

- Do you find that it is just one way amongst many to remind you of your status?
Do you have rituals? Such as waking, cleaning, beauty, exercise, dressing? Do they have meaning or are they just something that you do? Do you have a centering ritual?
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!
Featured Podcast of the Week – Bliss Bringers

34: Kink.com, Folsom Street Faire, adopting a pet

22 Nov 2014, 7:57am GMT

→ Bliss Bringers â€“ Sex, Swinging & Kink Podcast

Another “recap episode”, where SinD and Jon try to remember all the adventures since last time! First up is BondCon, a new conference at “The Armory”, home of “Kink.com”. We meet various famous educators, but the misses was most impressed with “Thraje” and Cléo Dubois, and the single-tail whipping skills of “Disciple”. We visit Folsom Street Faire and interview random victims (to great amusement). It turns out that bi-males do exist! Misses also adopted a (human submissive) pet, and took her to a swingers party. This put a spotlight on the differences between protocols and appropriate behavior between the swinger and BDSM/kink communities. In the later, there is a more strict enfor…

MP3 audio (20MB, 44min)

Podcast RSS

iTunes subscribe

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on November 30, 2014 10:00

Ask lunaKM – What are you punished for?

Ok, I know this sounds like a silly question but I wanted to know what other submissives out there are being punished for. I have been a sexual submissive for three years now and my Dom and I are slowly bringing our dynamic out of the bedroom. I have read a lot of articles about punishment and so I know what the purpose of it is and different methods of punishment that Doms use, but I can’t find any specific causes for the punishments. Basically I want to be sure that I am not doing something in my relationship that I could or possibly should be punished for. I know that every relationship is different and using phrases like “pushing limits” and “disappointing Him” help to apply to everyone, but I was hoping that there would be a few brave souls out there that could share their stories of what they did, how they were punished and what they learned. I know that is a lot to ask people to divulge embarrassing and possibly painful details, but I am just trying to understand truly how a relationship with a punishment dynamic works.

A punishment dynamic usually starts with a negotiated set of rules or expected behaviors that the submissive is responsible for. Punishment happens when the submissive fails at following the rules or behaviors agreed upon. This is an important first step because that way the couple is on even footing and the submissive knows what’s expected as well as the Dom knows what is being corrected and monitored. Unhealthy punishment dynamics can occur where the Dominant will punish the submissive for something they didn’t know was wrong, because it was never discussed. Make sure you talk with your Dom about what the relationship will look like outside the bedroom.

As for what can be punishable behavior, I have a lot of rules I follow. If KnyghtMare is feeling the need for correction when I’ve slipped he will punish me. For example, I have to ask to drink pop(soda). If I were to have a soft drink without permission I would expect to be punished in some way. He never springs punishment on me and I always know why I’m being punished before the correction occurs.

Also, keep in mind that not all punishment is physical in nature. I work much better with what would be called ‘grounding’ when a child. Taking away privileges gets the message across to me a lot faster than a spanking would.

But since you asked for a broad response, I’m going to open this one up to the readers – for those of you in punishment dynamics why do you get punished? What are some stories you can share with this submissive?

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on November 26, 2014 07:00

Stress and Santa: Managing Stressful Situations Around the Holidays

The Holidays are coming, and they are coming up fast. I always feel like the entire month of November goes by in a blur. One moment we are donning our sexy cat costumes for Halloween and the next moment there are stockings on the mantle and children awaiting Santa. There is definitely a time warp in there somewhere. Probably caused by the amount of stress that the holidays tend to generate. There is financial stress, scheduling stress, stress about food and pleasing people with presents, the stress of interacting with family , and for members of the BDSM community there is often an added level of the stress of keeping an integral part of our lives a secret.

Depending on how you spend your holidays there are different magnitudes of this problem – spending a week in your old room, just a thin wall away from your parents may generate a different level of stress than stopping in Christmas morning, but it is important to have a game plan for dealing with these situations before they arise. Here are some problem scenarios that some of you may encounter and some suggestions on how to deal with the situation.

When people ask you how you met your partner – If you met them on an online kink forum or at a kink event, this may be a challenging question to answer if you are not out as a member of the BDSM community to your family. Make sure that you, and your partner, are both clear on what you are going to say before you arrive at grandma’s house. Make sure that it is going to be something realistic and that you will be able to remember across the years if you anticipate your partner joining you for future family events.
Tears, Screaming, and Inevitable Family Drama – The holiday’s place stress on everyone, so when people have a little too much eggnog, or just simply do not sleep an adequate amount, tempers tend to flare. Tell your partner what to expect from your family and from you in advance. If your role at home is very different from your role in the workplace, with your friends, and with your partner, they need to know the boundaries of what can be said and done and how to deal with you when you come crawling into bed crying or screaming at night. Have a plan in case this happens. It is not inappropriate to tell your partner, “Master, when I am sobbing hysterically because my mother made another backhanded comment about my job/weight/high school girlfriend, I will need to break out my crayons and color, then be held, and I will probably need you to validate me a lot that night”. This is not needy, this is preparation and will make it a lot easier you, your partner, and your family. A discussion on holiday needs also has strong grounds for a helpful journal entry.
*Gulp* Sex at home – Having sex in your childhood home can be an uncomfortable experience for a variety of reasons, which is something that needs to be thought about prior to arriving and putting your bag of toys next to a pile of your old stuffed animals. Sex, completely separate from play (we will talk about that in a moment), can be very emotional, especially in placed riddled with emotional experiences, such as your home and surrounded by your parents. Tell your partner your thoughts about sex before you go. For some people sex at home is no problem, for others it can be a problem after past lovers or situations are discussed, and for some people sex at home is simply not an option. Discussing how you are feeling prior to arrival will help you and your partner to feel better. If you do not say anything and then you arrive at your parents for two weeks and then spring on your partner that you do not want to have sex, that may create some tensions between you and your partner. Make sure that you tell your partner if you are unsure of how you are going to feel. Saying something like, “When I am sitting here at home with you, I feel like I will be able to have sex no problem, but when I am in my old home, that may be disconcerting” is a very valid point, and at least lets your partner know what you are thinking.
Play – BDSM play is often loud. There is really no way to administer a spanking quietly and play is, by definition, intended to be a time for your partner and you to be uninhibited and focusing on pleasure. If you are worried that your younger brother is about to come home and hear you, your head is not going to be in the right place. Talk to your partner about quiet alternatives if your play tends to run a little loud. Choking, biting, pinching are all examples, but chose something that works well for you and your partner. Plan your toys accordingly. There is no reason to bring the extra-loud vibrator or riding crop if you are never going to use them. Also discuss punishment alternatives during this time. It may not be possible for you to kneel in the corner for thirty minutes after you have been mouthy, discuss what would be a possible option that will still remind you of your submission and allow your partner to be the dominant.

While these are just some of the stressful situations which can arise when spending times at the holiday, they will hopefully spark a conversation or some journal writing that will help you be better prepared for the holidays. If you go into the situation feeling like you and your partner have been honest and have communicated, you will feel much less stressed. As always, communication and honesty is key, especially when other parties (ie. Family and old friends) are involved.

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on November 25, 2014 07:00

How to Keep a Cool Head When You Get Angry With Your Dominant

from the Submissive Guide Newsletter 8/23/14

I know what you are thinking when reading the title. How can a submissive get mad at their Dominant? Isn’t a relationship built on trust and communication going to run smoother than one that isn’t? That’s not a very good submissive behavior!

No, probably not, but it is a human one and we are humans after all.

The may come a time that something your Dominant said has upset you, your they challenged your opinion, asked you to do something that conflicts with something you had planned or a myriad of other things that have made you mad at them. Yelling at them may seem like the thing to do, but with the right tools and a dash of inner strength you can learn how to express yourself without blowing your top.

Why you might want to do this instead of having a heated argument might be obvious, but let’s pretend, shall we? If you are mad, and you yell at them, they will yell back. This leads to heated, irrational words and topics that may not even have anything related to why you are mad. You could say things you’ll regret later. And most importantly, the reason you got mad will be forgotten and the topic won’t be dealt with responsibly or maturely.

So now that you understand some of what is at stake, let’s learn a few ideas on how to cool down and keep a level head so that while we may be angry we don’t lose control.

Time Out

It’s not always possible but if you can, take a few minutes away from the situation to calm down and reflect on your emotions. The very moment you feel that anger rise from something they have said or done is not always the best time to respond. Step away, cool off, get some perspective and then come back to talk about it.

I realize that isn’t so easy when you are on the “s” side of the slash, but definitely try to cool off first, ask for time before answering or responding, and then take those steps away. I think most Dominants will appreciate if you step back before blowing your top at them. Just asking if you can “have a moment to think” could do you and your relationship good.

In your time away you can think about what has made you upset and work it out in your head or you can write it out. Everyone will have different preferences on this. I write. I’ve always written. Poetry, stories, rants, journal entries, pages of continuous streams of consciousness that mean nothing in the end. It’s always worked for me. KnyghtMare has even noted that I come back to the situation more level-headed and relaxed if I’d had time to write in the “my eyes only” journal I have. If you haven’t tried it, I suggest giving it a go, just once.

If you can’t or shouldn’t have time away then the next best thing is to take a deep breath and count to five slowly in your head. This simple trick slows your heart rate and breathing which has been proven to calm nerves. I think it’s also an opportunity to reach for rational thought.

Communicate

Many D/s relationships are so entrenched in roles and requirements of those roles that talking freely with any hint of disrespect or immature behavior is unwelcome in a submissive. These relationships function better when you can call time out. It simply means that you have something you need to say without D/s running in the background. Many relationships have this method already in place, others find that they don’t need them. Whatever the case, talk freely, openly and do not fear your own emotions. How you feel can not be controlled. How you react, CAN.

When you talk to your Dominant, remember good communication practices like using “I feel” statements. This approach brings the focus on how you feel when something happens, and not accusatory statements about how poorly the other person is. Take these two statements:

“I hate it when you leave dirty dishes on the counter. It makes me so mad!”

“When you leave dirty dishes on the counter I feel you don’t respect my efforts to keep the counters clear.”

Even if it’s part of your duties to clean the dishes, if you’ve asked them to be mindful of dishes left out and they agreed then phrasing it with an “I feel” statement may help them realize that they’ve been forgetful. Then again, they could just tell you to get over it. Either way, the second statement isn’t attacking them and won’t instigate more anger, yelling or confusion.

If you’d like to learn more about “I feel” statements, please read “How and When to use “I” Statements“.

Other Things to Consider

We all have stress to deal with and this can feed a disagreement or misunderstanding – even if the stress is not related to the anger you feel. Learning to recognize that you are stressed and easier to anger is a good trait to have so that you can watch what you say and how you say it a bit better and hopefully keep a cool head when your temper flares.

I am a terribly emotional person and wear my emotions on my sleeve, no matter if I’m trying to keep my cool or not and KnyghtMare knows it. In these situations he’ll likely ask me to take a step back, ask my about my stress or allow me to rant and rave, knowing that it’s just venting and not meant to harm him or accuse him of anything. More often than that he’ll dismiss me to go write in my private journal – since that works very well for me.

Take note if your Dominant is the one feeling stressed, they could not even know that what they are saying or doing is upsetting you. Learn to be aware of your partner’s moods so that you can prevent unnecessary heated moments.

Bring up your discomfort or confusion before it becomes nuclear. If something is stewing inside you and you just don’t understand a direction, something they said or anything else for that matter, bring it up respectfully before it pushes you into anger over confusion. It’s okay to need clarification and asking for it is part of healthy communication.

One that I need to learn and understand forward, backward and sideways; don’t shut down and ignore him or the problem! How many times have I stomped off into the bedroom to just shut down instead of learning the right way to talk about it so that anger isn’t a part of the discussion but the topic is. I think this is a part of my emotions visible to everyone but using a childish escape to hide is not a good way to communicate. In order to have healthy communication you actually have to communicate. Novel idea, right!

Uh-oh, Too Late!

If you’ve already snapped, apologize. As soon as you’ve realized you’ve gone too far you should come clean. Admit why you snapped (confusion, anger, stress) and then humbly apologize. Really mean it. We all make mistakes and an apology can put out fires especially if you really mean it. Use those “I” statements I talked about earlier and be honest.

If punishment is a part of your dynamic this is not the type to whine about being in trouble for your behavior. Just because you apologized does not make the mistake disappear. Accept your punishment with grace and use that as your atonement. Usually the completion of punishment means the issue is over and you are absolved. Learn from your mistake and work on recognizing your anger before you blow your top next time.

We all get angry at one time or another. How we respond when someone else makes us angry is up to us. We can use it to open communication or we can shut it down. I hope you will take the former and develop healthy ways to dispel your anger and talk about your emotions and frustration with a cool head.

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on November 24, 2014 07:00