Luna Carruthers's Blog, page 65

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

Hi folks,

In the wake of more terrorist activity in France I’m saddened that freedom of speech took a hit and we lost many innocent lives. Please, take some time today to reflect on the people lost, the lives in grief and the reason we fight for our right to express ourselves.

Join the growing list of fans that get to hang out with me monthly on Google Hangout!
Monthly Video Posts Return! Thank you for the support. Next Goal: Upgrade the ServersI work hard to write and produce the content and I don’t ask for much in return. This is a small way you can show me that you appreciate my efforts. If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a patron of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $3 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:
This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask lunaKM Advice Column

The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

Ask lunaKM – How Can I Learn to Speak More Respectfully?

I am new to being in a D/s relationship, and I am having difficulty with learning how to speak to Him more properly. I have no problem when emailing, or messaging, but that is because I have time to think about what I am saying to Him. He is wonderful at correcting me, but are there any steps or things I can do to speak more respectfully to Him?

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2014: 7 Myths of Grieving and Understanding Your Responses to Death by Shahjahani
In 2013: Why BDSM and Sex are Not Always Connected
In 2012: Discretion in the BDSM Community – Anonymity and Personal Privacy Concerns
In 2011: Save Money, Time and Sanity with Menu Planning by danae
In 2010: Up in Flames: The Basics of Fireplay by SehAnru

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Next Submissive Guide Chat Night

Come make friends and chit-chat. Twice monthly discussions, all are welcome. Chat room is open 24/7 for conversation.

Date: January 20th, 2015

Time: 8PM Central (Not in CST? Find out the time where you are!)
Topic: Free Chat

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Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

Do you have a housecleaning routine? How did you set it up? If you are looking for a routine, what sorts of tasks would make your job easier?
Do you ever find it difficult to embrace your nature in today’s society? How do you balance it out?
What is your favorite online BDSM resource for information? Why is it your favorite?
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!
Featured Podcast of the Week – Kinky and Curious – BS’ing with Barak and Sheba

KaC043 – BSing with a bottoms toy bag

5 Jan 2015, 11:53am GMT

→ Kinky and Curious – BS’ing with Barak & Sheba

Well… Winter Wickedness is getting closer and closer – and since we didn’t put out a December episode – there is so BS to catch up on! We touch on all the great events we have been to and share all about what’s going on in the world of AIS – on this month’s episode of the Kinky & Curious Podcast – BSing with Barak & Sheba In this episode, we get to another question – but not for a while… We first hit on the International Sign for BDSM, then talk about rare meat at events and STL3, and ask the question, Are STL3 Events as good or better than AIS Events… and should we keep competing? We mention Liquor in the front… and wh…

MP3 audio (34MB, 37min)

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Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on January 11, 2015 10:00

The Year’s Best-Selling BDSM Books and eBooks from Amazon Voted by YOU

I love looking at my site statistics. I like numbers, especially numbers that provide interesting facts. And today I spent some time pulling together the entire year’s count of sales through Amazon.com from Submissive Guide’s links. I wanted to know what you all were reading! And boy is it interesting! Check it out and if you see a book that peaks your interest, head on over through the link and check it out. Your other submissive friends and kindred readers have voted it a good read so you can’t go wrong.

Conquer Me by Kacie Cunningham

Buy Now Paperback | Kindle

Submissive women have needs just like anybody else. But how can a woman get her needs met when she’s relinquished her power to her dominant partner? With warmth, wisdom and a down-to-earth approach, experienced submissive Kacie Cunningham analyzes the realities of the dominant-submissive lifestyle and suggests ways in which both partners can experience the greatest possible growth and pleasure. At the heart of the book is an emotion Kacie has dubbed “Conquer Me” — which she defines as “the submissive’s internal demand for a show of strength.” Without a clear understanding of “conquer me,” both submissive and dominant may find themselves at odds — either fighting unhappily, or watching the passion ebb from their relationship. This book explains this unique need and how to get it met — essential knowledge for any submissive or couple who wants to get the most out of their D/s lifestyle.

Socrates Inspires Cherry to Blossom (The Online Dom) by Red Phoenix

Buy Now Kindle

Sometimes lives change with a single post…

Kathryn is known as Cherry Blossom by her online friends. Curvaceous and fiercely loyal, the forty-something finds herself in a unique place in her life… Enter Socrates, the online Dom.

His devotion to educating people new to the world of BDSM is something Kathryn greatly admires. Although she isn’t into kink, curiosity gets the best of her and she begins to correspond with the Spanish Dom.

One simple comment leads Kathryn into the passionate world of Dominance and submission where she uncovers truths about herself, and the incredible man she’s come to know and trust.

Domination and Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook by Michael Makai

Buy Now Paperback | Kindle | Audiobook

The definitive handbook on Domination and Submission (D/s) relationships and the BDSM lifestyle. A must-read for anyone considering or curious about non-traditional relationships within a fetish culture context. Funny, insightful, educational, and inspiring. Author Michael Makai goes in-depth on Dominants, submissives, switches, primals, and their relationship dynamics. Learn about BDSM activities, bondage, toys, groups, protocols, and safety. This book even dares to go where others fear to tread: The Gorean subculture, online D/s & BDSM, first meetings, religion vs. kink, and what could go wrong. You’ll love Michael Makai’s irreverent and humorous treatment of this subject as he gives you the benefit of his 35+ years of experience in the D/s and BDSM lifestyles.

Leading and Supportive Love: The Truth about Dominant and Submissive Relationships by Chris M. Lyon

Buy Now Paperback | Kindle

Have you felt ‘left out’ of the traditional relationship self-help books because you derive great pleasure from following your partner’s requests and direction on many things in your life? Or do you respond to the natural inclination to guide, direct and protect your partner? Are your friends and family having difficulty understanding that your relationship works more like a captain and first mate on a boat?

If so, this innovative book, Leading and Supportive Love, the Truth about Dominant and Submissive Relationships, can help with new and clearer understanding of yourself, your relationship and acceptance with those that you love and care for.

The Dominant and Submissive Relationship is an ancient and contemporary harmonious dance that has become mysterious, magnetic, powerful, and controversial in modern day society. It may not be what you think, and some of the truth may surprise you!

Slave by Sherri Hayes

Buy Now Paperback | Kindle | Audiobook

Stephan has lived the lifestyle of a Dominant for five years. After several rebellious teenage years, it gave him the stability and control he had been seeking after his parent’s death. As president of a not-for-profit foundation, he knows what his future holds and what he wants out of life. All that changes when a simple lunch with his college friend and Mentor, Daren, leads him to buying a slave. Thrust into a situation he never thought he’d be in, Stephan can’t walk away. He is compelled to help this girl in the only way he knows how. Brianna knows only one thing, she is a slave. She has nothing. She is nothing. Can Stephan help Brianna realize that she is much more than just a Slave?

Real Service by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Buy Now Paperback

In any consenting and negotiated personal service relationship, there are hundreds of ways in which the servant can make the master’s life easier, and the master can manage the servant most effectively. Why is it that we usually only hear about a few of these ways? From housework to driving to child care to personal care, nearly anyone who is in service (or who would like to be) has dozens of skills they already know that they can offer as a service, and there are countless more practical everyday skills they can learn. Real Service is a handbook for service-oriented submissives and the people they serve, providing techniques to help a service relationship function smoothly, and suggestions for service that can be offered.

Flames of Passion: Handbook of Erotic Fire Play by David Walker and Robert J. Rubel PhD

Buy Now Paperback

An illustrated guide to Erotic Fire Play.

Kinky Sex: The Secret to Long-term Desire by Ms Jessica Howe

Buy Now Paperback | Kindle

Do you wonder where the passion’s gone? Yearn to spice things up, but feel unsure where to start? Sense you’re missing out, but feel powerless to change things?

Boring, routine sex is a common cause of cheating and divorce.

But the truth is there’s a simple, step-by-step system you can use to flip the secret ‘Desire Switch’ in almost any relationship.

‘Kinky Sex – the Secret to Long-term Desire’ reveals easy, powerful techniques that have been proven to work again and again (no matter how long you’ve been together). In this sizzling how-to guide, author Jessica Howe shows you how to satisfy your desire for novelty within your relationship… so neither of you go searching for it elsewhere.

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Molly Devon and Philip Miller

Buy Now &nbps; Paperback

The classic guide to sadomasochism by two experienced players. This unabashed, entertaining book strips away myth, shame and fear, revealing the truth about an intense form of eroticism too long misunderstood and condemned. It is fully indexed and includes over 225 photos and illustrations, a 250-plus word glossary, appendices with over 650 contacts for SM related clubs, stores, craftspeople and literature.

The Elusive Orgasm: A Woman’s Guide to Why She Can’t and How She Can Orgasm by Vivienne Cass PhD

Buy Now Paperback

Are you one of the thirty percent of women who has difficulties with orgasm? Do you want to experience greater sexual satisfaction? In easy to read language, The Elusive Orgasm provides a full overview of women’s sexual pleasure, covering sexual triggers, stages of arousal, the power of mind, and how women differ from men. Longtime clinical psychologist and sex therapist Dr. Vivienne Cass reveals all the causes of women’s orgasm difficulties — and how to remedy them. In The Elusive Orgasm, you’ll learn: What an orgasm is How the clitoris is much more than “a little button” The stages of a woman’s arousal The five types of orgasm difficulties The twenty-five causes of those difficulties Self-awareness via quizzes and questionnaires Sexual and non-sexual changes to help you orgasm Step-by-step plans to help you and your partner An extraordinarily thorough, all-inclusive exploration of every possible reason why women have orgasm challenges, The Elusive Orgasm gives you the tools to discover the source of your own orgasm difficulties, along with straightforward remedies.

The BDSM Coloring Book: An Activity Book for Kinksters With Crayons by Michael Makai

Buy Now Paperback

The ultimate activity book for kinksters with crayons! Full of fascinating and informative pages of BDSM lifestyle information, colorable illustrations, and Michael Makai’s offbeat humor to keep your “Little” engaged and entertained for hours!

Becoming a Slave by Jack Rinella

Buy Now Paperback | Kindle

Becoming a Slave is an authoritative, and well-documented book on the process of finding and submitting to a dominant. Beginning with a description of terms and the characteristics to be found in a master and in a slave, the book continues with how one realizes and understands their own desire to submit and serve, proceeds to the process of advertising, searching, meeting, and interviewing prospective masters, and ends with a great deal of practical advice on submitting, serving, and satisfying a dominant in a healthy and practical way.

Playing Well with Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities by Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams

Buy Now Paperback | Kindle

Whether you’re a trembling novice or a jaded expert, there’s always something new to be discovered in the endlessly changing, complex and titillating world of kink. While there are plenty of other books out there that explain how to give a spanking or tie a half-hitch, Playing Well With Others is the first book that explains kink *culture* — the munches, parties, leather bars, conferences, workshops, fetish nights, exploratoriums and all the other gatherings of kinksters that turn BDSM and leather from a bedroom predilection to a lifestyle and a community. You’ll learn to: * Examine your own motivations, needs, wants and desires * Ease your way into established communities * Understand etiquette in different adventurous sex communities * Familiarize yourself with the many types of events available to you * Care for your relationships as you explore new territory * Negotiate for play and aftercare * Go back to the “world at large” without ruffling feathers * …and, of course, answer the all-important question: What do you wear?! The team of Harrington and Williams offers 30-plus years of experience in diverse kink communities: top, bottom and switch; gay, bi and straight; female, male and trans; white and POC. Both former titleholders and international educators, they are an unbeatable pair of “sexual sherpas” with an inimitable voice and a great deal of wisdom. Playing Well With Others is an unprecedented and essential guidebook for anyone who wants to explore or understand the “community” aspect of the kink lifestyle.

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on January 09, 2015 07:00

Ask lunaKM – How Can I Learn to Speak More Respectfully?

Dear lunaKM,

I am new to being in a D/s relationship, and I am having difficulty with learning how to speak to Him more properly. I have no problem when emailing, or messaging, but that is because I have time to think about what I am saying to Him. He is wonderful at correcting me, but are there any steps or things I can do to speak more respectfully to Him?

Dear respectful speaker,

There are a lot of things you can do to learn how to speak more respectfully. First, make sure you have a clear understanding from him on what is expected of your speech. Since you didn’t detail anything here I can only make assumptions. My Dominant requires that I’m polite and that I call him Master in private when addressing him. I have special phrases I am to say for certain situations and I’m never to curse or raise my voice at him. We’ll use my speech requirements to describe what you can do to improve yours.

If you are better at writing to him then speaking, then work on thinking before you speak. There is no reason there can’t be a pause before responding to questions or in your address to him. I know I was a lot better at remembering to call him Master when I was writing to him at first, then using it in speech. It was mostly because saying “Master” out loud felt odd. Of course, the only way for it to stop feeling odd is with practice. The more you say his title, the less uncomfortable you will feel about it. Since you are new I’m going to guess that you haven’t had much practice using whatever title he’s chosen for you to use. Don’t worry – he’s giving you a lot of time to learn what is expected of you. That’s good!

It works the same way with adding more polite speech. You have to practice to make it a part of your everyday speech. Use “please” every time you want something. Thank you’s once you’ve received something. “May I’s” instead of “Can I’s” and less statements like “I’m going to the store” to questions, “May I go to the store?” Once you get a good grip on it you won’t even notice it. That is unless someone brings it to your attention. I often get complimented for being so polite to customer service people. I guess they just don’t get treated well so when they do it gets noticed. It is a good thing to be noticed over.

Speaking slower with a more lowered voice is a hard one because we learn our speech patterns at a young age from our parents and family around us. If your family is fast or loud talkers, frequent cursers or use a lot of slang or poor grammar then it will rub off on you too. Learning better word choice and slowing your speech down can help you tremendously when you are asked to talk slower, or softer or not to use slang like, “huh”, “nu-huh”, “yup” or “yeah” (that might be just my rule).

Overall, as you can see, practice is the key to learning different speech patterns than what you are used to. So keep practicing and you’ll be showing him how respectful you are in your speech in no time.

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on January 07, 2015 07:00

How BDSM, SSC, and Feminism Work Together

I am an avid feminist. I believe in the equality of men and women in every way and I am not shy in voicing my opinion. I work for the campus women’s center promoting healthy relationships, anti-rape campaigns, and an awareness that the world is not as equal as many people like to pretend. I study domestic violence and sexual assault and work avidly to reduce its instances on campus, and ideally, with the help of a PhD that I am so desperately trying to obtain, nationally.

Many of my friends, both vanilla and kinky, seem to think that there is a HUGE discrepancy between my belief in equal rights of men and women, and my position as a full-time submissive. I think that this is something that needs to be addressed.

As a feminist I believe that men and women need to have an equal place in the relationship to air their feelings and concerns. I believe that no one should be hurt – emotionally or physically within the relationship. I believe that both parties should feel uninhibited to leave the relationship at any time if is no longer meeting their needs. I have no problem with stay-home moms, so long as the mom wants to be there and is not mandated to be there against their will. I am the primary cook and cleaner in my house right now because I have the time and the skills to do so, but these are by choice and not forced upon me by someone else.

Now, let us take a look at how BDSM actually fits really well into my feminist beliefs.

Any healthy BDSM relationship should be following SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual). Yes, in play some couples choose to use RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink), but these phrases, in terms of the relationship surrounding your kink, should be conscious of SSC.

I always put consent as the most important aspect of BDSM. Everything about your relationship should be consensual. If you choose to pursue a Master/slave relationship in which you technically cannot say no, that is fine, but you consensually made that decision. Even within an M/s relationship, if something is very much against a limit, then that needs to be communicated. There is no such thing as a relationship without limits, and while limits should be pushed, that is why we are in the lifestyle, we like to push our own limits, your Dominant needs to be aware of your limits and be conscious of them. You should never be forced to do something you are staunchly opposed to. You may not feel like doing the laundry, you may not like doing the laundry, but you had an equal say in writing your contract and if you agreed to do the laundry, then you need to do the laundry. If you feel like doing the laundry isn’t doing it for you anymore, you should have the opportunity to express that to your Dominant.

Many times submissives forget that they have a say, and that is dangerous, and this is where relationships turn from fun, consensual BDSM relationships, to abusive. As a submissive, and really even as a slave, you have power over your own well-being. Communication has to happen in order for you to express your opinion. Personally, Chief (my Master), wants me to bring up even small grievances, because while he is in control over a very large part of me, I need to still have my needs met. He may not care that I’m not super in the mood for a certain position, but if I tell him that I really, really cannot handle a play session with belts, he will listen.

That transitions well into, Safe. Your relationship MUST be safe. There are risks associated with the types of play that we engage in, but you and your partner need to be aware of these risks when partaking in these activities. Before Chief and I began experimenting with knife play, we both did a lot of research: where was it safest to cut, what were danger areas, are some knifes better than others, etc. We also kept safety tools on hand, towels, Band-Aids, antiseptic. We needed to make sure that I was not going to become sick or sustain a long-term injury from the play.

Safe also refers to your emotional health. Whether you come into the relationship with heavy emotional baggage or not, you need to be aware that BDSM also is emotionally trying. Sub drop can be dangerous. Some play activities can be triggering. Both Dominants and submissives can suffer from burnout. Both parties need to be aware of the emotional health of both partners. Triggers need to be discussed before play. Emotional states should also be evaluated before entering into a scene. You, as the submissive, need to watch your own head as well. I know that when I am depressed knife play will be triggering, thus when I feel myself slipping into a depression, I need to tell Chief this. Similarly, if Chief is mad at me for something, we know never to enter into a scene. Beating me out of anger and using the excuse that we are in a scene is unacceptable. Physical punishment can be used, but not in the heat of anger – physical punishments, or even emotional punishments, out of anger are abuse.

Everything within play and the relationship must also be sane. If your dominant has been diagnosed with an aggression disorder, then you need to take that into account when looking at your relationship. If you have a mental disorder, you need to talk to your dominant about it. If you forgot to take your meds, you might not be okay to play. Similarly, if your meds make you dizzy for an hour after taking them, then you shouldn’t be playing during this time!

Sane goes beyond this however. BDSM play should not be carried out under the influence of drugs or alcohol. When mind-altering substances are involved play is no longer sane, limits may be pushed too far resulting in emotional or physical damage. Consent may be ignored on activities, which can cause a lot of long-term problems. Sane also refers to the type of activities being carried out. My kink is not your kink, and I understand that, but you and your partner need to be on the same page about the level of sanity of any activity.

All of that being summarized, so long as your relationship (both in-play and out of play) follows SSC standards, then you have a healthy relationship, and there is nothing that detracts from the fact that I believe men and women deserve equal rights.

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on January 06, 2015 07:00

Most Popular Posts on Submissive Guide 2014

We’ve covered so much this past year on Submissive Guide. There are now over 1500 articles about submission on this site. Here are the top ten posts from the year.

Which ones did you miss? Take the chance to read it now, tweet about them or bookmark them for later.

1. My Time on the Edge: Exploring Rimming

First published in a now extinct sex magazine, I wrote about my exploration into analingus and rimming from my first experiences to researching for the safest and least squicky way for me to handle rimming. It’s a great first step for anyone considering getting into this form of play with their partners.

2. Back Off Bitches! Feeling Territorial and Jealousy as a Slave

Charmed Blyss writes about the green eyed beast that can interfere with pretty much any relationship. Feeling territorial can hinder submission and Charmed Blyss provides a list of things to do to help you stomp out jealousy in your self.

3. Playing and Punishment from a Distance

If you explore submission in a long distance relationship then pinksubgeek’s article will give you fun ideas to explore and gentle caution about how play and punishment impact an already stressful long distance dynamic.

4. What a Romantic Dominant/submissive Relationship Looks Like

Love is an interesting emotion that some people feel doesn’t belong in a D/s relationship. I’ll describe what it looks like to me and how it betters my submission and the dynamic when love and romance are cornerstones to the power exchange.

5. Learning About Positive Pain Processing Methods

When we learn about positive pain processing in relation to play and scenes with our sadist partner it’s always a good idea to understand processing methods. This is part 3 of my video series that I ran this year. I suggest you check out the entire series here.

6. Being a Little in a Long Distance Relationship

Tequilarose answers a reader’s questions about being a little in a long distance D/lg relationship. She give some good suggestions for how to express yourself as a little when distance is in the way.

7. The Myth of the 24/7 Submissive Mindset (and Why So Many of Us Struggle)

This post is from the Newsletter that I send out twice a month. In this one I share why the submissive mindset is really a myth and what we need to seek is a balance of all the facets of your life to find fulfillment in submission.

8. The Things I Carry That Help My Submission

Tequilarose has another popular post in this list with a list of her own! She gives us a glimpse into the physical things she keeps with her that help her with her service to her Dominant partner. You too can pick up a few ideas of what can make your submission easier and rewarding with this list.

9. Why A Punishment Dynamic May be Just What You Need

Not everyone needs a punishment (not funishment) dynamic, but when all else is failing, you just might find the perfect balance in one. This is a glimpse into punishment dynamics with a list of links at the end for more exploration into punishment.

10. That Anxious Space from the Petition to the Collar

If you submitted a petition for a collar or are waiting to hear if you will be granted one, you’ll know that the waiting can be torture! Charmed Blyss writes about that in between time and how the testing period anxiety can be alleviated and you can find peace.

Did you enjoy these posts? Which one was your favorite? I’d love to hear it in the comments below!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on January 05, 2015 07:00

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

Hi folks,

Happy New Year! I hope that the year brings you lots of joy and happiness. If you make resolutions, let me know what goals you’ve set for yourself! My basic resolutions, every single year, are to eat better, lose weight and get more exercise! Of course this year I have smaller goals to help me attain these larger ones but we’ll how I do. I’ve joined an accountability group on FetLife so that might help me stay more focused past the 2 week mark.

Join the growing list of fans that get to hang out with me monthly on Google Hangout!
Monthly Video Posts Return! Thank you for the support. Next Goal: Upgrade the Servers

I work hard to write and produce the content and I don’t ask for much in return. This is a small way you can show me that you appreciate my efforts. If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a patron of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $3 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:
This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

None. It was holiday vacation!

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask lunaKM Advice Column

The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

None.

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2014: A Submissive’s New Year’s Resolutions: Reviewing and Updating your Checklist by pinksubgeek
In 2013: The Top 7 Posts of 2012 on Submissive Guide
In 2012: Top 30 Posts of 2011
In 2011: Top 30 Posts of 2010
In 2010: The Impact of Velcro Collars on the Symbolism

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Next Submissive Guide Chat Night

Come make friends and chit-chat. Twice monthly discussions, all are welcome. Chat room is open 24/7 for conversation.

Date: January 6th, 2015

Time: 8PM Central (Not in CST? Find out the time where you are!)
Topic: Sub Space

Join Chat Room Now!

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

“Ordinary life does not interest me. I seek only the high moments. I am in accord with the surrealists, searching for the marvelous.” – Anais Nin
“Be open to your dreams, people. Embrace that distant shore. Because our mortal journey is over all too soon.” – David Assael
Are there areas in your life where you are encouraged to be independent?
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!
Featured Podcast of the Week – KinkyCast featuring DominantGuide’s own Rev. Calleaghn
Episode 49 – Rev. Calleaghn Kinnamon

31 Dec 2014, 3:55pm GMT

→ KinkyCast

This week the KinkyCast brings you the Reverend Calleaghn Kinnamon, lead contributor to the DominantGuide.com. The Reverend has been in the kinky lifestyle since 2007 and has since been spreading the word on mentoring and ministering to various populations. She identifies as a ?tender sadist? and is active in her local communities and on-line via the DominantGuide.com.

MP3 audio (17MB, 50min)

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Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on January 04, 2015 10:00

Submissive Chat Night: Sub Space

It’s time again for another chat night here at Submissive Guide. I’d welcome everyone to come on in Tuesday for a bit of conversation. Anything and everything can be discussed. Please come with questions or a curiosity about Dominant/submissive relationships.

Info

When: 01/06/15 @ 8 PM CST – 9:30 PM CST (Not in CST? Find out the time where you are!)

Where: Chat room on the website, or use an IRC Client

Topic: Sub Space

What is it?
How do I get there?
Does it have to be through pain?
more…

HOW TO GET TO THE CHAT ROOM

The chat room is attached to this site under the link at the top, or you can click this link here. It will ask for your nickname and then automatically connect you to the chat room. It is open all the time, so if you want to meet some people, hang out in there. I try to be there when I’m at my computer too.

If you use an IRC desktop client you can connect to the server directly. Here is the information you need to find the room:

Server: irc.kink-network.com

Port: 6667

Channel: #submissive-guide

Questions? Let me know. Otherwise I hope to see a lot of you there on Tuesday!

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on January 01, 2015 07:00

Submissive Guide Takes a Holiday

From everyone here at Submissive Guide, including myself, my contributor team, KnyghtMare, my Master and the guy behind the site and server I want to wish you a very happy holidays.

With every holiday, the site takes a break and I wanted to let you know that while we spend time with friends and family, Submissive Guide will be on holiday as well. We’ll return after the New Year with more tips, advice and help for novice and seasoned submissives. And while I’m not a religious person, this Christmas Carol has always been a favorite of mine this time of year.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

–lunaKM

May the Good Lord Bless and Keep You

May the good Lord bless an’ keep you,

Whether near or far away.

May you find that long awaited,

Golden day today . . .

May your troubles all be small ones,

And your fortune ten times ten,

May the good lord bless and keep you,

‘Til we meet again . . .

May you walk with the sunlight shining,

An’ a blue bird in every tree.

May there be silver lining,

Back of every cloud you see . . .

Fill your dreams with sweet tomorrows,

Never mind what might have been.

May the good Lord bless an’ keep you,

‘Till we meet again . . .

May the good Lord bless an’ keep you,

“Till we meet again . . .

Words by Meredith Willson
Related Posts:
3 Easy Steps to Setting the Mood – Make Your Playtime More Orgasmic, Full of Energy and Fun
Submissive Advent – Day 24: Spirit of Submission
Submissive Advent – Day 23: Twinkling Stars and Lights
Submissive Advent – Day 22: Here We Come a Caroling
Submissive Advent – Day 20: Christmas Cookies

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on December 23, 2014 10:00

How to Ask for More Playtime

As a submissive, I understand how hard it is to face your Dominant and ask them to play, or have sex or what have you. When I was new I thought that asking for these things was a boundary you just didn’t cross. My belief that the Dominant was supposed to do things to you and you were just at their disposal came from internet reading back then. Asking for play was topping from the bottom wasn’t it? What if he says, “no”? Learning that expressing your wants and needs, having desires and requesting they be fulfilled, is perfectly acceptable and is a hard road for many. But once you open up to allowing yourself to ask for what you want you will find so many more doors open for you.

Dominants Are Not Mind Readers

I’m certain I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, but your partner doesn’t know what you want and need every moment of every day. While many of them have this uncanny ability to complete your sentences and know what you are craving for dinner sometimes, it doesn’t mean they dug into your mind to get that information. So, if you are horny or want play, or perhaps you need a bit of cuddle time, you are going to have to ask for it. There are many ways to ask for some fun time and your Dominant may have already established a way for you to ask for things. If not, doing so as a question, “can we play/fuck/snuggle, Sir?” could do just fine. Another way is to be sexually suggestive and come on to them, showing them you have a need and then breathily telling them you want to give them the ride of their lives rarely gets turned down.

You are submissive, that doesn’t mean you no longer are a sexually needy person. Expressing that you are attracted and desire your partner is hot. Asking them to play with you because you just have this itch to physically submit is hot. Your Dominant will not know exactly what you are craving without you telling them.

So What’s With Topping From the Bottom Again?

Topping from the bottom is when a submissive forces their will on their Dominant. Please notice the word “forces” because that’s the key. Volunteering information, making suggestions and asking for what you’d like is NOT topping from the bottom. Now if you start whining and complaining to try to force your Dominant to change their mind or do what you want then that is definitely topping from the bottom. Depending on the sort of relationship you are in, it could be completely acceptable behavior, but don’t assume so. Submissives are generally receptive and compliant but not all of them are.

With that in mind, you can see why we hesitate to ask for what we want when it comes to playtime or sex. We don’t want to push our needs onto our partners for fear of forcing their will. But asking for it has never been topping from the bottom because the answer is up to your Dominant. As long as he still has the final say there is nothing to worry about. So approach him however he prefers you bring things to his attention and see where it goes from here. He could very well be hoping you’ll start expressing your sexual desires on your own and welcome hearing that you want him.

Ways to Ask for Playtime

Take it from me, I’ve had a hard time learning that to be a good submissive it means that I am transparent in my needs, wants and desires. I’ve also been shy on occasion (although not much anymore) when sex or play is the subject. But I’ve learned there’s more than one way to ask for what I’d like and have my voice heard. Here’s a few of my tips to help you get started.

Whisper in his ear something sexy that you want to do to him. End it with, “would you like that?”
Be direct. “Sir, I would really love a flogging tonight. Could we do that?”
Beg. Some Dominants love to see their submissive beg for what they want, there’s an art to it but it never hurts to try. As long as you know when to stop if you don’t get a favorable response!
Speak without saying a word. Catch his eyes and then lustily lick your lips, bite your lip, wink or wiggle your finger to draw him closer. Get touchy feely. Flirt. Show him you want him.
Remember all those romantic things you’ve seen on TV? They work here too so don’t forget flowers, candy, candle-lit dinners and romance!

When He Says No

It’s very likely that he will say no at least once. With so many reasons about why, it would be hard for me to hazard a guess, but most often things like mood, desire and time constraints can play a role in his decision. If you don’t know why he declined your request, then ask him. It could really just mean “not now” instead of “not ever” so don’t take it as a signal to never ask for anything again.

Oh and even if he’s said no, I’m certain that he’s still considering it and may spring whatever you asked for at a later date. When it works for him and when it’s his decision.

Learning how to ask for something you want is a step further in successful, open communication that all healthy relationships thrive on. So even if you feel nervous asking, remember that it’s a relationship with power exchange and trading pleasures and joys is one of the many great perks you can enjoy.

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on December 22, 2014 07:00

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

Hi folks,

Finally my shopping for Christmas presents is done! Are you ready for the holidays?

I’m considering ending the Weekend Reflections next year. It’s not showing up as a popular post in my statistics. What do you think? Will you miss these weekly recaps?

Join the growing list of fans that get to hang out with me monthly on Google Hangout!
Monthly Video Posts Return! Thank you for the support. Next Goal: Upgrade the ServersI work hard to write and produce the content and I don’t ask for much in return. This is a small way you can show me that you appreciate my efforts. If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a patron of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $3 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation. Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:
This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

BDSM Basics: Staying Safe with SSC
Book Review: Unconventional Desires by Victoria L. Sadler by tequilarose
Communicating While Submissive by Xiao Yingtai

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask lunaKM Advice Column

The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

Ask lunaKM – Do Dominants Love Their Submissives?

Hi I’m kind of new to the BDSM lifestyle, I’m a submissiveand I haven’t really started this type of relationship yet. I was just wondering do dominants love their submissive partner? How can I find a dominant that is safe and caring online? I’m sorry if I sound uneducated, but please help me. Thank you for reading this. :)

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2013: BDSM When the Walls Have Ears – 5 Strategies for D/s Play with Kids Around by Erika McClean
In 2012: Submissive Advent – Day 21: Volunteerism is Next to Submission
In 2011: A Day in the Life: Pam
In 2010: Setting Realistic Goals to Realize Your Dreams
In 2009: Review: The Surrendered Wife

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Next Submissive Guide Chat Night

Come make friends and chit-chat. Twice monthly discussions, all are welcome. Chat room is open 24/7 for conversation.

Date: December 23rd, 2014

Time: 8PM Central (Not in CST? Find out the time where you are!)
Topic: Holiday Chat

Join Chat Room Now!

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

“Our greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter.” – Francis Chan
Does romance have it’s place in D/s relationships?
“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling all that I am capable of doing but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.” – Anais Nin
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!
Featured Podcast of the Week – The People of Kink

TPOK Minicast 9 – Negotiating a Scene

17 Dec 2014, 6:00am GMT

→ The People of Kink

Whether you are new or experienced, negotiating your scenes as a Top or bottom is a very important skill that we must all learn to master.

MP3 audio (24MB, 18min)

Podcast RSS

iTunes subscribe

Copyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on December 21, 2014 10:00